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Cast of Wars

Now has its own article, as the original was growing large enough to produce its own gravity well.

Only a partial list currently available. The original Star Wars character is in brackets. Wars has probably the most number of participants of any fiction, maybe even more than the Series, because there are so many walk-on roles.

luakel Luak Slywanker, the Hero! (Luke Skywalker)

kilngirl Princess Kilngirl of Canada. luakel's sister, but they don't discover this until they've spent the last two films flirting. Unlike Lucas, Thande decided NOT to gloss over the Ewwww factor emerging from this.

Doctor What Doctor-What Lombardi, a Kitjedi Knight. Unlike the original, doesn't actually die in Episode 4, but just pretends to, and keeps popping back up in ghost makeup, as well as appearing in the background of random scenes. (Obi-Wan Kenobi)

Kitjed Founder and master of the Kitjedi, he is capable of regenerating like Doctor Who. He was Kitjed21 in Episode 1 and regenerated three times in the course of the series, ending as Kitjed24. Like Doctor What, he faked his death and appeared later on. Speaks with a comedy Welsh accent, and resided on the planet of Gay-o-bar.(Yoda)

Landshark, luakel and kilngirl's father, IronYuppie's husband, and the betrayer of the Kitjedi Order. As a young boy, he already won a Prodracist tournament. However it later emerged that all of this was actually a Kitjedi plan to install a much cooler Empire. The true identity of Darth Gaydar. (Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader)

IronYuppie Queen Erikké IronYuppie of Najoisey, terrifying, and Landshark's wife. Her fate is as yet unknown. (Padmé Amidala)

Grimm Reaper Sometime Senator of Najoisey, then Chancellor of the Republic and later Emperor. Obsessed with politics to an unhealthy degree. Aka Darth Politicus. (Emperor Palpatine)

Floid The Wars and equivalent of Han Solo - He is Sudanasese.

Gamingboy The original Chancellor. (Valorum)

Psychomeltdown Governor of Najoisey, terrified of IronYuppie.

The Sandman Captain of the HMS Bacofoil. (Captain Panaka)

ljofa Darth Ljofa, apprentice of Grimm Reaper. (Darth Maul)

Hermanubis Rebel fighter pilot. (Wedge Antilles)

G.Bone Rebel fighter pilot.

Max Sinister Rebel fighter pilot.

MerryPrankster Rebel fighter pilot.

Othniel Rebel fighter pilot.

Otis Tarda Rebel fighter pilot.

Imajin First captain of the Flamewar.

Aussey Second captain of the Flamewar.

Midgard First commander of the Overcompensator. (Admiral Ozzel)

Diamond Second commander of the Overcompensator. (Admiral Piett) Note that Diamond actually appears in three different roles in Wars, which is never explained because Thande is lazy.

Molobo First captain of the Quoting Wikipedia. (Captain Needa)

Gedca Second captain of the Quoting Wikipedia.

Fenwick Third captain of the Quoting Wikipedia.

WFHermans Rebel ground gunner fighting the Quoting Wikipedia. Insane.

raharris1973 Captain of the American Politics.

Romulus Augustulus Captain of the God Moding.

fenkmaster Stormtrooper on board of the Death Tsar.

VoCSe A Rebel Major who fought on Coldh.

Ward Rebel General commanding forces on Coldh. (General Rieeken)

TheLoneAmigo Imperial General who invaded Coldh. (General Veers)

General_Paul Rebel General who commanded forces on Yeravinalarf IV. (General Dodonna)

Leo Caesius “C-Leo”, a 'political' fluent in over seven million forms of communication.

Paul Spring “PaulSpring-D2”, C-Leo's sparring partner who communicates in Morse code.

Wozza Rebel fighter pilot.

BrianP Rebel fighter pilot.

Bulgaroktonos “Bulga Roktonos”. Bounty Hunter responsible for the capture of Floid. Armed with an arsenal of weaponry that pushes the limits to which one can suspend their disbelief. Reportedly killed in the climactic battle on Santa's Yacht when the atomic bomb in his suit detonated. However will be presumably be endlessly resurrected by talentless sequel writers in the EU (European Union) books. (Boba Fett)

SionEwig A Kitjedi Knight. Doctor What was his Paddywhack. Killed by Darth Ljofa. (Qui-Gon Jinn)

Grey Wolf Greyce Wolfu. A Kitjedi who's a bit of a “Badass M_erf_er”, whatever that means. Also fights Drakas on a plane. (Mace Windu)

The Sandman Captain of Queen IronYuppie's ship

Weapon M “Magya Roktonos”, a bounty hunter and weapon fan, so it's only logical he's called Weapon M too. Killed by Grey Wolf. (Jango Fett)

The Bald Imposter An assassin

sbegin A female assassin set to kill senator kilngirl. (Zam Wesell)

N-reD Mother of Landshark Slywanker. Killed by Dust Bunnies - a very bad case of allergy (Shmi Skywalker)

Justin Green Luak Slywanker's uncle on Arrakisimeantattooine. A sand farmer. (Uncle Owen)

Justin Pickard Luak Slywanker's other uncle on Arrakisimeantattooine (Aunt Beru)

Jean-Luc Pickard Father of Justin Pickard

Mayhem An Australian living on Arrakisimeantattoine

Michael Another Australian living on Arrakisimeantattooine

DMA Another Australian living on Arrakisimeantattooine

Santa Crimelord Santa the Fatt (Jabba the Hutt)

radical_neutural Rad Rad Neut, an obnoxious alien of the Irritatingungan people (Jar Jar Binks)

iokua Another Irritatingungan

TheGreatCocanut King of the Irritatingungans (Boss Nass) NB TheGreatCocanut was in reality just a sockpuppet for radical_neutural, hence the reference.

Satyrane A Kitjedi Knight

birdy Another Kitjedi Knight

Knight Templar Another Kitjedi Knight

Baxter Another Kitjedi Knight (female!). Killed by robertp6165.

Gwendolyn Ingolfsson Another Kitjedi Knight (female!). Killed by robertp6165.

Inaki Assistant of the head of the Boardwide Senate

Filo A senator, of Italy

Tetsu Another senator, of Texas

Ramp-Rat Another senator, of Islington

The Gunslinger Another senator, of Canada (Bail Antilles)

Condottiero Another senator, of Spain

Dan1988 Succeeded The Gunslinger as senator for Canada (Bail Organa)

Maverick Senator for Argentina

Gonzaga Senator for Brazil

Tochomocho Succeeded Condottiero as Senator for Spain

Jared A librarian in the great library of the Kitjedi Knights

Diamond A mapmaker of the Kitjedi Knights. And the model for a supposedly diamond-shaped spaceship used by Doctor What-Lombardi.

Glen Prime Minister of Yamania

GBW Head of the clone factory

rowmaster A grey alien who likes to mutilate cattle and Sheep the size of VW camper vans

DuQuense Another grey alien who likes to mutilate cattle and Sheep the size of VW camper vans

Count Dearborn A Miffed Kitjedi. Aka Darth Piranhas. (Count Dooku)

Berra Owner of a junk shop (Watto)

Atlantabraves A racist. Raised and used for Prodracist by Landshark.

Pax Britannia A prodder, on Nick Griffin

TyrannusZero Another prodder, on national socialist

basileus Another prodder, on Mussolini

Hendryk A leader of the WTO. Speaking with a fake Chinese accent. (Nute Gunray)

Gaijin Captain of the Cholesterol

HelloLegend WTO subordinate/officer

Emperor Qianlong WTO subordinate/officer

Qazaq2007 WTO subordinate/officer

Bishop WTO subordinate/officer

whatisausername WTO subordinate/officer

Tielhard A battle political (leftwinger)

orbeyonde A battle political (rightwinger)

Faeelin Hendryk's aide

robertp6165 A Confederate leader

EvolvedSaurian Leader of the Celtoraptors, a Confederate-allied race

Blochead Leader of the Evil Capitalist Combine of Wal-Mart and Microsoft (later Wal-Tesco in Episode 3). On the side of the Secessionists

Adam Leader of the Nuke Wanking Militocracy. On the side of the secessionists

Fyrwulf Young Midgard's XO.

VulcanTrekkie45 Celtoraptor field commander at the Battle of Unilevercan

Edvader Supreme Commander of the Confederate Army (General Grievous)

Analytical Engine Edvader's steampunk cyborg bodyguard

David S Poepoe An Eopeopsdivad, a plausibility demon that eats ASBs.

fortyseven A regular of Redem‘s Café Separatistique (parodying Monsieur Leclerc from ‘Allo ‘Allo) and as an Imperial lieutenant on the Death Tsar.

Thande The all-powerful director behind it (George Lucas)

G.Bone A CGI specialist in the prequels (also appears as a fighter pilot in the classics)

MerryPrankster Thande's Creative Advisor in the prequels (also appears as a fighter pilot in the classics)

Ghost 88 A ghostwriter (duh) to Thande, in the prequels

Nek A cameraman, in the prequels

David bar Elias Another cameraman, in the prequels

stories/cast_of_ah.com_wars.txt · Last modified: 2019/03/29 15:14 (external edit)