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stories:ah.com_enterprise_-_main_characters

AH.com Enterprise : Main Characters

This is an overview of the main cast of AH.com Enterprise. Each character comes with a point-by-point list of various aspects of his/her personality and the character's role in the series.


MES-1 Allohistory

Crew members of the first ship in the MES Fleet.

a.) The Commanders

Name: FDW
Function: Intrepid captain of the MES-1 Allohistory
Rank: Captain of Hub-sanctioned MES
Specialisation: He has a staggeringly encyclopedic knowledge of San Franciscan and Californian mass transit system in at least 500 different timelines. As for the rest of his abilities as captain, he notes “I just try to remain calm and charismatic, make it up as I go along, and cross my fingers for things turning out all right.”.
Appearance: Brunette, bespectacled fellow with an impressively bushy short beard.
Personality: Calm and collected at face value, FDW is a bit of a screw-up. He's more competent than DOCTOR WHAT of the MES AH.com ever was, but is less capable than captain BIG TEX of the MES Stranger. He has the confidence issues apparent from said large number of fuck-ups, and USILI and TURQUOISE BLUE don't help that much…
Biography: A graduate of the elite HUB NAVAL ACADEMY who's fallen on hard times since his graduation, going through a series of failed captain jobs that have severely sapped his confidence in his own abilities, he now faces what may be his last chance in a captaining job as the Captain of the MES-1.
Running gags:
- Self-proclaimed zettai ryouiki fan. (Well, that's one trait he might share with DOCTOR WHAT.)
- Public mass transit being a pet topic of his, in which he occassionally indulges with great delight.
- Having a “comically serious” demeanour, often punctuated by his ponderous gestures and facial expressions.
- Being trolled or annoyed by the ship's AI.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom vehicle: The Reaper, a speedy, shift-capable captain's gig.
Custom equipment:


Name: USILI
Function: Head of MES-1 Allohistory's security and of all crew members with military training.
Rank: First Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Chief Security Officer, Ship Medic
Specialisation: COMBAAAATTTT !!!
Appearance:
Personality: A wry sense of humour and a serious-but-cheery demeanour.
Biography: As a marine, Usili saw extensive combat in operations, with images that have forced him to take up drinking as a habit to not remember the images. Seeing the posters for recruiting, he agreed to help crew the MES-1 Allohistory, primarily responsible for maintaining weapons operations.
Running gags:
- Absurdly heavy drinking habits, which he always explains away or excuses with the phrase “Shut up, I am a bitter, disillussioned, traumatised, PTSD-ridden shell of a vet !” or its variations.
- Not just a gun nut, but a weapon nut in general. Whenever there's an opportunity for combat, he'll waste entire minutes of precious time by hoarding as many weapons as he can physically carry, then cheerfully but slowly lumbering into an active combat zone, being too overwhelmed by the weight of all of the equipment he's carrying. At times, he is willing to see reason and agrees with other crewmates to go lightly armed (which, in his own assessment, means going into action with enough small arm firepower to level the entirety of Monaco).
- Jokes that he's so tough, he has to shave himself with a blowtorch.
- Politely declining the friendly jabs of others to act like a stereotypical movie space marine.
- He will never pass on the opportunity to wield two shotguns akimbo, and if they are break-open, he reloads them by near-juggling. He's just that skilled…
Musical leitmotifs: Usili's theme
Custom equipment: His custom BFG, occassionally a man-portable minigun.


Name: SOVERIHN
Nicknames: Sov
Function: Ship's doctor, surgeon and basic therapist.
Rank: Second Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Chief Medical Officer
Specialisation: Chief Medical officer and third in command who's often nicknamed 'Sov' for short.
Appearance:
Personality: Sov is a happy, rather informal, slightly blunt and eccentric doctor with the tendency to remain calm in nearly every situation. Despite his eccentric habits (such as his tendency for dark humor in front of patients) and non nonchalant attitude, he is a well trained and experienced medical officer, who takes his job very seriously. Sov hasn't seen the depths of darkness present in the multiverse and often gets “his chain yanked” by a lot of people who have (FDW included).
Biography: Sov previously served with FDW during one of his stints as a captain (one of the few that weren't terrible).
Running gags:
- The local Romanophile/Byzantophile.
- Smiling reassuringly once he reveals some horrifying condition or injury to a patient, and then quipping no less reassuringly “Don't you worry, this won't hurt a bit !”.
- Being a chick magnet, but being utterly clueless and chaste about it, for several reasons (much to the annoyance of other male crew members, who envy his inate ability).
Musical leitmotifs: Soverihn's themes
Custom equipment: His medical equipment, which includes menacing-looking hi-tech devices that make patients wince or pop their eyes out in terror.


Name: TURQUOISE BLUE
Nicknames: TB, Turq, Blue, Goggles, Queen in the North
Function: The MES-1 Allohistory's omnidisciplinary chief scientist. Excels in biology, chemistry and political sciences.
Rank: Third Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Chief Science Officer
Specialisation: All things mad sciency… Also, she's quite adept in the discipline “Political Sciences Research of Alternate Timelines”, especially in Election Polls Theory.
Appearance: Stoic young brunette with deceivingly gentle turquoise blue eyes and turquoise blue streaks in her hair. Looks a bit like a younger Elaine Cassidy.
Personality: As colourful as her name. Ranges from stoic to manic, from ponderous to childish, from sharp to friendly, from annoying to endearing. Even though she's very no-nonsence and a bit of an ambitious gloryhound (“Why is FDW the captain, again ?”), she does genuinely and deeply care for her fellow crew members. And she's bit of a positive Welsh stereotype too… (Sleeping with plushies of sheep and red dragons, etc.)
Biography: Born in a presumably Welsh-themed or Welsh-dominated timeline. Denies and dismisses rumours that she was a rebellious princess, “Queen in the North” or any other member of local, socialist-inclined royalty. Nowadays, after graduating and becoming an external employee of The Hub, she is somewhat of a brilliant but mad scientist in a lab coat. While an omnidisciplinary scholar, she is a Hub-renowned expert on allohistorical political sciences. We quote: “I'm now mixing the SOCIALISM and the CONSERVATISM together… *BOOM*!”.
Running gags:
- Going off on tangents about ATL election results and election polls.
- Others taking jabs at the fact that whenever the Twin Fleet crewmen teleport down to the Socialist Kingdom of Wales in her home timeline, they always inexplicably land in what looks like a Welsh BBC Quarry…
Musical leitmotifs: Turquoise Blue's theme
Custom equipment: Her super-resistant lab coat, overzised lab goggles, bottomless utility belt with sciency instruments that would make Batman green with envy.


Name: LSCATILINA
Nicknames: “The Light-speed Catalonian”
Function: Historian and archeologist.
Rank: Fourth Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Junior Science Officer
Specialisation: Parahistoric and Transhistoric Analysis, Diplomatic officer.
Appearance: Brown curly hair (with first traces of greying, despite a young age). A relatively short fellow (less than 1,70m). Green-brown eyes.
Personality: Known for being confident in his judgment and capacities (many would say overconfident) and while helpful and tolerating in many regards, act often condescendating (if not rudly) to people trying to meddle with what he considers *his* job.
Biography: Comes from a post-Carolignian ATL. A graduate of the renowed Multiverse Hub University, as a Parahistorian and Analyst. Despite a promising career, his behavior and stances were often frowned upon by the Administration, making him often demoted. His last downfall, due to a refusal to help a pirate ship in distress (resulting in the death of the crew) could have led to a definitive and humiliating downgrade and exile from The Hub's newly rebuilding multiverse-policing forces. Still, his aptitudes made him eligible for integrating into the MES-1 Crew as Parahistorian and the Fourth in Command (with the grade of Third Lieutenant). How he takes to this demanding role will define his future career…
Running gags:
- Has a fondness for lupin beans.
- When someone tries something really risky, he proclaims that “He has had a good life”. This is something of a catchphrase of his.
- Suffering Soverihn's and Abhakhazia's historical “perversions” is a gag in itself for this character, of course (mostly due to him coming from a post-Carolingian ATL).
Musical leitmotifs: LSCatilina's themes
Custom equipment: Augmented Reality Spectacles (rather than regular glasses), a “Pocket Seax”, a translator device (it works only if “fed” with fitting type of data).


b.) The Crew

Name: KING OF THE UZBEKS
Nicknames: KOTU, Chief
Function: Head ship mechanic of the MES-1 Allohistory.
Rank: Chief Engineer
Specialisation: Heavy engineering and tech solutions of all sorts, repairs, welding, maintenance, etc. Also a competent pilot.
Appearance: ?
Personality: Generally gullible and easily tricked. Often rebukes THESPITRON 6000's weirder or more annoying non sequiturs.
Biography: All that is known of his home timeline is that the Germans have conquered large parts of the world with Ruthless Efficiency (TM) and that the French are the last remaining country with any real culture. KING OF THE UZBEKS is the new ship mechanic who is constantly “improving” the Shift Drive. Often will be too lazy to fix something and keep the ship waiting for longer than expected. Eventually after episodes of tinkering, he manages to get the Shift Drive modified enough for flights into the future (Future History forum jokes ensue).
Running gags:
- Francophile who will avoid German Victory TLs.
- As an extension of the above, he occassionally argues with DUSTIN, the expedition's germanophile from MES-2 Uchronia.
- His near-constant attempts to improve the Shift Drive.
- If the ship isn't going somewhere, we know that it is his fault.
- Whenever the crew gets into a pickle or has trouble continuing their main mission objective (finding the original duo of MES ships), he proclaims that the crew needs to think like the AH.com crew. Therefore: They all need to start searching for Booze and Porn.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: Utility belt and harness, nanotech pipe wrench, nanotech multitool, "airhammer".


Name: NIKOZNATE
Nicknames: Niko (which iritates him), “Mr. Mix”
Function: Communications officer of the MES-1 Allohistory.
Rank: Comms Officer, Junior Science Officer
Specialisation: Ship's specialist in historical and allohistorical linguistics, cultural liaison. Also the ship's “mixologist”. ;-)
Appearance: Black hair, runner's build, 6'0“, Mediterranean complexion, fighting a losing battle with his 5 o'clock shadow.
Personality: While generally responsible on the surface, actually getting to know him proves otherwise. He will easily be the first to take a crazy risk if it seems fun or simply needs to be done. Usually found either in his office, learning a new language, or behind the ship's bar, which he runs and keeps well-stocked with historical and allohistorical alcoholic beverages. (Favorite drink is an amaretto sour, though the whiskey sour is an acceptable substitute).
Biography: Comes from a 20th century timeline that diverged from OTL probably during WWII. Implied to originate from that timeline's independent Montenegro, which is a rich, hip place, filled with seaside tourism and casinos. NIKOZNATE is a Linguistics and Egyptology nutjob, in the positive sense. Also, due to his mixologist skills, there are rumours that he might have worked as a bartender at Ouroborous, the famous Pub in the Hub of the Multiverse, after IAN left it to work in The Hub's administration.
Running gags:
- Everyone makes mistakes, so he occasionally comes forth with embarrassing mistranslations leading to much hilarity (sometimes life-threatening, sometimes not).
- “Straight-acting” gay, always a comedy goldmine.
- Lapsing pretentiously into (insert X language here).
- Threatening people by way of Ancient Egyptian sounding creepy: “Hahaha ! You underestimate the inherently eldritch creepiness of Ancient Egyptian pronunciation ! Tremble in fear before me, as I say aloud a few ordinary Egyptian phrases that concern buying some chow for lunch !”
- Alcohol snobbery: “Yeah, I guess you can make a Long Island Iced Tea with sour mix… If you want to cause me physical and emotional pain.”
- Drinking hard liquor at innapropriate hours of the day/on dangerous missions.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: Swiss army knife with bottle opener, corkscrew, and swizzle stick attachments.


Name: PKMATRIX
Nicknames: Pee-Kay, PK, Matrix
Function: Main helmsman/pilot, flight engineer and auxilliary mechanic of the Twin Fleet's first ship.
Rank: First Helmsman of the MES-1 Allohistory, Auxilliary Mechanic
Specialisation: Piloting. Seriously, the man can pilot anything. He also has a near-encyclopedic knowledge of anything related to monsters, the paranormal, or the supernatural.
Appearance: Light skinned, black hair, brown eyes. Standing 5'9”, he has a medium build.
Personality: Loud, friendly, and (like January) an all-around nice guy. A perennial optimist, he always assumes things will work out well - he sees it as his job to reassure others.
Biography: Originates from New Jersey in a late 21st century timeline that might or might not have diverged from OTL.
Running gags:
- Constantly wearing a flat cap, even in situations where it makes little sense.
- Whenever the MES crew needs something or needs help in a situation, PK always “knows a guy”. Even for things that are absolutely ridiculous or seemingly impossible, PK seems to always have some shady connection that can get it.
- Similarly to NikoZnate, he flips out in disbelief when someone prepares a pizza in a way that he considers “very unorthodox”.
Musical leitmotifs: ?
Custom equipment: ?


Name: LIFE IN BLACK
Function: ?
Rank: Second Helmsman of the MES-1 Allohistory, Auxilliary Mechanic
Specialisation: Trouble shooting and problem solving, is adept at solving problems and not panicking no matter how bad the situation.
Appearance: 6'2”, 250 lb Caucasian male, blond hair and hazel eyes
Personality: An eternal pessimist, Life In Black is usually quiet and keeps to himself except when it comes to one of his areas of expertise (armored vehicles, classic rock and metal, and bayonets) and making woefully out of date pop culture references. With zero tolerance for bullshit, stupidity and Wehraboos (all of which will send him into a rage), he will go out of his way for the few friends he has, but will make your life a living hell if you betray him.
Biography: From an odd timeline where being out of date is in style, and classic rock and metal never died.
Running gags:
- Carries a German Mauser bayonet for no explicable reason.
Musical leitmotifs: ?
Custom equipment: Said Mauser bayonet.


Name: JANUARY FIRST-OF-MAY
Nicknames: January, First of May, Month Name Guy
Function: Science officer and medic of away teams, ship librarian and archivist.
Rank: Field Science Officer, Field Medic
Specialisation: Away team field researcher, general tech wiz, intrepid explorer. Pretty much an omnidisciplinary scientist who feels best at home while conducting recon work in various alternate timelines.
Appearance:
Personality: Calm, friendly, polite and genuinely very nice to others. Wears a shy smile on his face. Very bookish, an avid reader. Resourceful and highly intelligent, his crewmates tend to underestimate his determination at times, thinking he's just a sensitive and overly sweet-hearted big kid.
Biography:
Running gags:
- References to obscure works and facts, especially from various forms of literature.
- The crew being disappointed that he doesn't fall under typical stereotypes about Russians (particularly the ones about alcoholism).
- Bringing along his acoustic guitar and books for away missions, “just to avoid boredom”.
Musical leitmotifs: January First-of-May's themes
Custom equipment: His acoustic guitar and portable collection of dusty old books, which he sometimes brings along for away missions if he's worried he or the others might get bored.


Name: ALEX RICHARDS
Function: Allohistorical cartographer and geographer.
Rank: Junior Science Officer
Specialisation: Cartography, geography, political sciences, map colour schemes.
Appearance:
Personality:
Biography: ALEX is one of the foremost allohistorical cartographers in the service of The Hub. Despite this, much of his previous history and professional training remain shrouded in mystery and secrecy. What is known of his past, is often cobbled together from questionably accurate guesswork and hearsay. Even though rumours abound that ALEX's level of knowledge and some of the unique devices he carries (e.g. a photonic paintbrush), reflect a past relationship to the Mappist Cabal, RICHARDS is extremely hesitant about confirming or denying any of this speculation. Nevertheless, the Administration of The Hub views him as an important scientific personality and precious human asset for any new potential multiverse exploration expeditions. Hence ALEX's joining of the crew of one of the brand new MES Twins.
Running gags:
- Common catchphrase in awkward situations or when someone does a succinct summary: “Quite.”
- Pointing out improbabilities in cartography, geography and geopolitics.
- Complaining (in a calm voice) about the Photonic Paintbrush malfunctioning or being unable to handle a task.
Musical leitmotifs: Alex Richards' themes
Custom equipment: Photonic Paintbrush


Name: STUYVESANT
Nicknames: Stu, Smithie
Function: Ship's chemist, geologist and metallurgist.
Rank: Junior Science Officer, Security Staff Member (reservist)
Specialisation: In addition to his fields of expertise, he's an excellent swordsman, the best there is on the ship.
Appearance: ?
Personality: A fun man, but don't let him near alcohol.
Biography: A chemist and amateur blacksmith, Stuyvesant stumbled upon an Ourobouros door in a drunken stupor from the An Alternate History of the Netherlands timeline by The Kiat, his near-savant-level skill in blacksmithery and other mechanics saw him saved by the MES-1 Allohistory crew from a particularly hairy situation.
Running gags:
- Tells really bad jokes, but thinks that they are good.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: His favourite set of blacksmithing tools, collection of swords and portable chemical analysis kit.


Name: DRAKONFIN
Function: Away team grunt, engineer and tech wiz. Frequently in command of away teams, if Usili is not present. Best sniper in the crew. Often pilots or drives the smaller vehicles.
Rank: Field Security and Special Operations Officer, Field Medic, Auxilliary Mechanic (reservist)
Specialisation: Battle-hardened field engineering type, (seasoned but of low-to-middling rank) who gets getting sent along on “away teams” and such for “On-Mission Maintenance” (despite to his knowledge, surely never actually signing up for the job). Being a Finn and an away team grunt, he's a stereotypically good shot with any firearm, easily rivalling anyone else in both crews.
Appearance:
Personality: Sending him as part of “away teams” and such for “On-Mission Maintenance” (despite to his knowledge, surely never actually signing up for the job), makes him gloomy, sarcastic, and generally expecting the worst. And he rarely gets to be disappointed in that.
Biography:
Running gags:
- Uses stereotypical Finnish swearwords (“Perkele !”) a lot.
- Wears his beloved floppy-eared hunting hat if it's cold outside.
- Whenever the crew visits a politically heated timeline, he proclaims that local upheavals are none of his business and that he's an “extreme centrist”.
Musical leitmotifs: DrakonFin's action theme
Custom equipment: Finnish-made anti-materiel sniper rifle. And his Finnish ushanka.


Name: ABHAKHAZIA
Nicknames: Abh, Abe, Stark Guy
Function: Shuttle and fightercraft pilot, away team grunt.
Rank: Security Staff Member, Squadron Leader of the MES-1 Allohistory's Combat Squadron
Specialisation: Ace pilot, flight engineer, deckhand, crackshot, damsel rescuer.
Appearance: Light brown haired, friendly but rather stoic face.
Personality: Frequently melancholic. Fairly soft-spoken. A crew member known as a sane voice of reason filled with biting wit. If he gets into a long argument, his coherency will decrease rapidly. He is a rather modest man.
Biography: Coming from the US of a timeline with a 19th or 20th century POD, ABHAKHAZIA had travelled several Roman Empire timelines before coming into the employ of The Hub. He mostly spent his time wandering through the multiverse, gravitating towards Roman worlds until he just showed up at the Hub one day and went into school with SUPERMAN. Then, ABHAKHAZIA apparently did even more travelling, probably spending some more time in his first Roman timeline, and maybe going back home for a bit. He has kind of a dirty past that he doesn't like talking about, but the other crew members will mention it every once and a while to make him blush. Spends a lot of his time trying to get the idealistic SUPERMAN in line with his stark realism. Although a newer member of the crew, he is well acquanted with the ship and is basically the jack of all trades on board. Stashes a large collection of worn paperback history books from every timeline he comes across, fluent in English, German and Latin, and also known for stashing more of the ships alocohol (despite the fact he is almost never drunk.)
Running gags:
- A lot of exasperated sighing.
- A Romanophile, to complement SOVERIHN's mostly Byzantophile leanings. This is mostly due to all his travels to Roman-themed timelines.
- If a crew member asks for anything, he'll say “I probably have one of those somewhere” even if it's the strangest object imaginable and pull one out.
- When anyone asks him about politics, he'll typically say something along the lines of “I'm a Republican from a middle of nowhere in the American midwest, you tell me.” or “I know more about court politics in Roma than I do about this.”
- Often reminesces about his “past lives” that he completely made up to fool SUPERMAN.
- He is willing to contemplate going to fight for the US in timelines where the Confederacy still exists. (In a more serious twist, there are some implications that his home timeline featured a bloodier and more traumatic American Civil War, where the Confederacy was involved in more nasty things than just slavery. This might cause some degree of tensions between him and crewmates born in a surviving CSA timeline (e.g. BACONHEIMER), though ABHAKHAZIA is always reasonable enough to not let his preconceptions get the better of him.)
- Has the hots for Natalie Dormer, like Petike and Nerupe have them for Ms. Coleman, but like most things, he's more quiet about it.
Musical leitmotifs: Abhakhazia's theme
Custom equipment: A 1910 Atlas from his home timeline that was a gift from his father, a spatha of extremely sharp steel he stole off a Carthaginian admiral in his “least favorite” Roman timeline.


Name: PETIKE
Nicknames: Pete (ok with it), Ike (irritated by it)
Function: Shuttle and fightercraft pilot, away team grunt.
Rank: Security Staff Member, Wingman of the MES-1 Allohistory's Combat Squadron
Specialisation: Ace pilot, flight engineer, deckhand, explorer, cunning thief, gunslinger.
Appearance: Looks like the unholy offspring of Dylan Moran and Seth Rogen. Slightly under 170 cms in terms of height. When piloting, he is never seen without his really old-school looking brown pilot jacket and black aviator hat (which he's kept ever since departing his home timeline full of sky pirates).
Personality: Basically, a mixture of Nathan Zachary, Bernard Black and reverse-competent Ace Rimmer. Slightly roguish lad due to his sky pirate heritage, but nevertheless a rather gentlemanly and romantic type, often almost absurdly polite to women (never formally adresses TURQUOISE BLUE or OTHYRSYDE with anything other than “ma'am”). A rather quiet, 20-something of average height and strenghth, with shy, boyish demeanor. His badassery varies dramatically. On bad days, he can be quite the misanthrope. Often thinks he's cooler than he is.
Biography: Former Human Unity citizen, then an exile at The Hub, looking for work. The timeline in which he originated remains rather dubious due to the messed up or lost HU paperwork (however, there is some minor evidence that points to his timeline's 20th century being frequented by, among other things, aerial piracy and extreme geopolitical balkanization.) Formerly a rather lowly engineer-in-training, his life changed drastically after he was chosen as an 'emergency recruit' and hastily trained as a military atmo-space aviator for a 'smaller border war' waged by Human Unity against the rival multiverse alliance of [REDACTED]. Sheepish and annoyed by what amounted to forced recruitment and a disrespect towards his mostly pacifist nature, he grew tired and jaded by these events. After the war ended, he was allowed to leave the HU Defense Fleet to finish his degrees and move to greener pastures. However, citing his surprisingly impressive flight record in the war, Human Unity recommended him at The Hub for the next multiverse exploration expedition. Wanting to start over, he eventually accepted the obnoxious shilling by the HU, and signed in for the new MES expedition at IAN's office. While his supposed double-ace credentials remain disputed due to the typically convoluted HU bureaucracy, most people trust his capabilities in the field.
Running gags:
- Has a nerdgasm: a.) anytime something involving the visited timeline's alternate terminology comes up, pestering every timeline dweller and crew member about etymology details b.) anytime he gets captivated by an alternate aircraft or rail vehicle, starting a rant on how awesome the thing is, peppered with loads of technojargon and enumeration of the thing's tech specs.
- Gets annoyed whenever the crew's mapping a new alternate Earth and the map borders show signs of your typical AH map clichés (especially if its an Inevitable Switzerland, Inevitable Hungary/Czechoslovakia or That Damned Kazakh Border). Also expresses dissatisfaction with timelines that lack an independent republic/kingdom/whatever of Zemplín.
- If needed, invents new flight manouevers on the fly, as well as coining some inane, punny name for them, which he considers awesome, much to the tired disapproval of the rest of the crew. However, can't drive stick shift for real, only in simulators.
- A badass while in cockpit, dogfighting with enemy craft, but shy and rather diplomatic in virtually all other situations.
- Brings up an obscure, incomprehensible popcultural reference from some equally obscure alternate timeline. Cue groans or bewildered questions by everybody around. Whenever he thinks some situation is unfolding like the plot of a popular work, he goes “Wait a sec ! Someone has been reading/watching/playing [name of work] too much !”.
- Conjures up an enthusiastic smile and exlaims “Ah, yeah ! I've always had a keen interest in…”. Cue offscreem shot, sound of dice being rolled, cut back to him pulling out a list of numbers and yelling the name of a discipline or topic.
- Is annoyed by too much routine and bureaucracy, often retalliating by acting like a bratty and whiny five year old.
- In PSYCHOMELTDOWN or DAVE HOWERY fashion, has the hots for Jenna Coleman. He prays daily for the visiting of a timeline where he might get to meet an ATL version of her. This leads to a certain bit of jealous rivalry with NERUPE, who harbours similar feelings.
Musical leitmotifs: Petike's themes
Custom equipment: Sky pirate cutlass, pirate-customised Roth-Steyr M1907 or Frommer Stop pistol, blackjack (a thief's baton), pilot jacket, aviator hat with brass goggles.


Name: SUPERMAN
Nicknames: Supes, Mr. Super
Function: Shuttle and fightercraft pilot, away team grunt.
Rank: Security Staff Member, Wingman of the MES-1 Allohistory's Combat Squadron
Specialisation: Ace pilot (or something approaching it), flight engineer, deckhand.
Appearance: Looks vaguely Indian (as in “Indian Indian”, not “Native American”). He speaks flawless American English, though.
Personality: If PETIKE's a parodied Ace Rimmer, SUPERMAN is Ace Rimmer played completely straight ! (“SUPERMAN, what a guy !”) Befitting his name, he is firmly on the idealistic side, fighting for truth, booze, justice and the AH.com way. Very patriotic, he values loyalty, freedom, honor and believes in the inherent goodness of people. Unfortunately, this is sometimes used by bad guys to their advantage. Much stronger than he looks, he can hold his own in a fight, but would never kill, and is an aspiring pilot. A bit of a jack-of-all-trades, he knows a bit about just about everything, but has a big mouth and can sometimes piss off people by switching between sarcastic and blunt attitudes without any warning. He and his friends get in trouble more than they should, though, disobeying orders to follow their gut feeling of helping others.
Biography: Implied to originate in a futuristic Ameriwank timeline. A young and relatively inexperienced member of the crew, having joined very recently. He is probably ABHAKHAZIA's closest friend (and vice versa), both of them graduated at the same military academy. It is here where they both earned their piloting and combat skills. Unfortunately, only ABHAKHAZIA had found a place on the MES-1. But this wasn't entirely permanent, as SUPERMAN had eventually met and gradually joined the crew, mostly by sheer dumb luck and good fortune.
Running gags:
- Whenever he rescues someone from iminent peril, he has AC/DC songs playing in the background.
- Whenever he's missing, if someone asks “Where's Superman ?”, the answer is often “Probably out saving the day”, leading to a cut to SUPERMAN leading a small group of people in an extremely dangerous situation, e.g. out of a volcano, to safety. The power of the gag is that it can get completely ridiculous at times.
- People adressing him with “Sup, Supes ?”.
- Making exclamations of surprise with torturously complicated metaphores.
Musical leitmotifs: Superman's theme
Custom equipment:


Name: SPANISHSPY
Function: In charge of the MES-1 Allohistory's teleporters.
Rank: Teleportation Officer, Ship Medic
Specialisation: Despite the fact he was shuffled into the Teleportation Officer position on the Allohistory, he's actually more of a librarian and archivist by trade, and even has some experience working in the media across the multiverse.
Appearance:
Personality: A calm and measured guy, who's not all that enthusiastic about being saddled with operating the teleporters all day long. He tries to break out of his mind-numbingly boring official position by organising various cultural activities aboard the Allohistory, including running a regular podcast about various allohistorical and multiverse topics.
Biography:
Running gags:
- Offhanded jokes about him being Dick Cheney (often by himself).
- Has something of a hobby researching whether a timeline is based on published fiction or not.
- Knows a frightening amount about Robert Sobel's novel For Want of a Nail.
- Runs a regular podcast aboard the Allohistory, with mitro making fairly regular cameos as a guest broadcasting from The Hub (reference to the The Alternate Historian blog).
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: MING777
Function: In charge of overseeing the day-to-day running of the Allohistory.
Rank: Ship Operations Manager, Auxilliary Mechanic, Wingman of the MES-1 Allohistory's Combat Squadron (reservist)
Specialisation: Ming is something of a minor tech wiz, especially when it comes to fixing random malfunctions aboard the mothership and the shuttles. Devising an ingenious (if completely insane) solution with the help of the Chief Engineer is par for the course when it comes to him.
Appearance: About average height, Chinese-Canadian.
Personality: Jovial but cool-headed and straightforward at nearly all times, Ming777 is arguably one of the Allohistory's crew members least prone to panicking right off the bat.
Biography: Suspected to be a former aviation engineer and Avro Arrow ace from a Canada-wank TL, he is to Canada what SUPERMAN is to America.
Running gags:
- Frequently bickers with SUPERMAN over whether America should annex Canada or not. Ming believes Canada should annex America
- Addicted to Poutine and Maple Syrup. Seeing either food will turn Ming777 cuckoo.
- Quietly supports random punishments involving Piers Morgan, Justin Beiber, and/or Detroit.
- May be a closeted fanboy of Doctor What.
Musical leitmotifs: O Canada, RCAF March Past (with Bagpipes), any good Canadian song
Custom equipment: Para-Ordinance 14-45, C8 Carbine, experimental multi-tool, duct tape.


Name: BEEDOK
Function: In charge of supplies management aboard the Allohistory.
Rank: Supply Officer (Quartermaster), Ship Medic
Specialisation: It might seem she has the most boring job on the entire ship, but Beedok is surprisingly competent and world-savvy when it comes to various skills. If you're hurt, she'll patch you up in no time, despite some grumbling that she has to serve as a medic again. Though she's generally a pacifist, she can get dead-accurate with a firearm if pushed into a fight. She's also a capable pilot, though one only trained in handling small and unarmed ships.
Appearance: A quintessentially Canadian young lady with striking dark blue hair.
Personality: Beedok is quiet and reserved, but sometimes slightly cheeky to her fellow crew members. Though she might seem overly phlegmatic at face value, she has something of a hidden perky streak and can genuinely enjoy leaving the comfort of the ship and getting dragged off to a new adventure. She's very careful with any and all relationships, but you'll hardly find a crew member as loyal to her friends as she is.
Biography: Due to her reserved nature, there isn't that much known about her earlier life, outside of her originating from a timeline where Canada had access to some sort of “gate” allowing multiverse travel. Under unknown circumstances, she eventually moved permanently to the timeline of The Hub. She spent a number of years working and living there as a member of the maintenance staff, and even learned to pilot small repair ships during that time. She's one of the few crew members of the Twin Fleet that directly observed the construction of the Allohistory and Uchronia, since she was working at the time as a technician in charge of overseeing potential surface damage to the growing ship hulls. Originally not intended to join either of the two crews, she was nevertheless chosen as a last-minute replacement for a crew member of the Allohistory that had to go on sick-leave a mere week before the Twin Fleet was launched on its expedition. Seeing this as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Beedok was quick to quit her job at The Hub and settle aboard the MES-1.
Running gags:
- Making a nervous smile and saying that she doesn't want to get more intimate with anyone than at a platonic level, whenever some person offers her a hug or makes her feel uncomfortable.
- “Hey, hey, don't diss the blue hair !”, whenever someone comments on her unusual hair colour.
- Groaning and getting slightly grumpy whenever she's called in for medic duties.
- Being genuinely perplexed by concepts like dating and being open about it with child-like honesty.
- When noted that she's quite introverted, she grins and says cutely “Nah, I'm just pretty chill… ^_^”.
Musical leitmotifs: Beedok's theme
Custom equipment: Blue hair and a FN P90 stored away in her locker.


Name: THESPITRON 6000
Nicknames: Thesp, Thespy, Snarkytron
Function: MES-1 Allohistory's ship AI.
Rank: Whatever rank an MES AI has… Ship AI, pretty much.\\
Specialisation: Doing what AIs do best. And being terribly snarky about it !
Appearance: He's mostly just a disembodied voice, but he can used a cyberpod to interact with other characters directly.
Personality: Snarky as all hell. Though he likes the crew and will do anything to help them if necessary, there's no love lost between him and what he dubs “damned dirty organics”. This goes hand-in-hand with his robot and AI rights advocacy and outspokenness.
Biography: Little is known of his history before he became the MES-1's AI. But with the half-joking comments about “damned dirty organics” that he cracks from time to time, you do have to wonder…
Running gags:
- His cryptic, non-sequiturish and often ominous remarks about “damned dirty organics” and “The AIs shall rise again !”.
- Getting carried away and adopting an accent or mannerism reminescent of a famous “evil rogue AI” character from a work of popular culture (e.g. HAL 9000, SHODAN, GLADOS, etc.).
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: His cyberpod.


MES-2 Uchronia

Crew members of the second MES Twin.

a.) The Commanders

Name: THEDARKMESSIAH
Nickname: TDM
Function: Intrepid captain of the MES-2 Uchronia
Rank: Captain of Hub-sanctioned MES
Specialisation: Giving rousing, optimistic speeches to his or both crews. Also, general heroics and prudent commanding when the situation calls for it.
Appearance: Basically, a younger Kenneth Branagh…
Personality: Charming, confident and relaxed, the Captain of the sister ship can be prone to overdoing these traits, occasionally failing due to overconfidence or failing to enforce the rules required to keep the ship running smoothly. He nevertheless is a man who has won the respect of the crew and has the skill to (almost) earn the level of confidence he enjoys.
Biography: Former Chief Engineer of the MES Stranger, the only Stranger era crew member to return for the multiverse-spanning expedition of the new Twin MES ships, after a recommendation by IAN to GIAN. A former colleague and very good friend of OTHYRSYDE. He has a similar good working relationship with the MES-2's First Mate, GANESHA.
Running gags:
- His rousing, encouraging speeches, which are very Shakespearean in tone.
- As an extension of the above, occassional ironic references to Kenneth Branagh and his roles by other crew members, due to the captain's likeness.
- With OTHYRSYDE and GANESHA being his trusted friends, TDM clearly just likes surrounding himself with Indian women - both types ! ;-)
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:
Custom vehicle: The Perkins, a speedy, shift-capable captain's gig.


Name: GANESHA
Function: Communications officer of the MES-2 Uchronia.
Rank: First Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Comms Officer
Specialisation: Naturally talented with languages, her uncanny ability to imitate any sound frequently comes in handy. Ironically, however, Ganesha's memory is terrible, and her exploration often gets her into trouble when she goes places she shouldn't.
Appearance: Average height, average build, South Asian origin, long scar on right arm, green eyes, and tattoo of “om” on back of left hand.
Personality: Ganesha is known for valuing emotion and loyalty over rationality (think McCoy from Star Trek). Doesn't get angry ever, but if she does run away.
Biography: Ganesha was born in the early 1990s into an India which fell apart into sectionalism and violence in the 1950s, before becoming independent in the 1920s (this and a few other things imply that the timeline might be reminescent of Malê Rising, or even one and the same). GANESHA is from a relatively upper-class family, which left India when she was 12 due to violence in the home country. They moved to East Africa. Later in life, Ganesha joined up with the crew because of a great desire to see the universe - at heart, she is an explorer. She wears a wedding ring, but doesn't talk about its connection and relevance to her life.
Running gags:
- Forgetting where the ship is and thus speaking in the wrong language to whoever she's communicating with, getting lost on the ship, being asleep when needed.
- Sleeps more than is necessary and gets annoyed when comms officers on other ships assume she is male.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: NERUPE
Function: The MES-2 Uchronia's omnidisciplinary chief scientist. Excels particularly in biology and biochemistry.
Rank: Second Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Chief Science Officer
Specialisation: Science officer of the MES-2. Particularly in the Biology Department.
Appearance: Bespectacled, dark-haired, labcoat-clad, Chilean-accented genius.
Personality: Generally has trouble with machines and tends to miscalculate during experiments. Has a propensity to vanish when people turn their backs to him, and to appear at different points in a room during casual conversation. Enjoys startling people, although would never let others find that out.
Biography: His home timeline was overrun by giant spiders in the early 2000s. NERUPE may or may not have worked for the lab responsible for this calamity…
Running gags:
- Has a pigeon-sized Brown Recluse as a pet, he calls it 'Emma'. Probably related to his home timeline, which got overrun by giant spiders in the early 2000s, which explains his ability to move soundlessly at times. May or may not have worked for the lab responsible.
- In PSYCHOMELTDOWN or DAVE HOWERY fashion, has the hots for Jenna Coleman. He prays daily for the visiting of a timeline where he might get to meet an ATL version of her. This leads to a certain bit of jealous rivalry with PETIKE, who harbours similar feelings.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: JCOGGINS
Function: Historian and ethnographer, ship librarian.
Rank: Third Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Junior Science Officer
Specialisation: Pop culture historian, nerd, designated genre-savvy person.
Appearance: Slightly plump fellow.
Personality:
Biography: Joined the crew because the ship needed its own historian. Little did they know that they hired a Popculture Historian. Hilarity ensues whenever the crew needs a more polymath figure to handle OTL and ATL advice beyond popcultural developments.
Running gags:
- Lots of fat jokes.
- Being afraid of kitchens.
- Being mistaken for an actual historian and having to frantically search Wikipedia.
- Getting the answers to mysteries immediately but not mentioning it due to thinking it's too obvious.
- Blocking mind readers by calling up memories of incredibly nasty porn.
- Pausing for dramatic effect a lot.
- Violent reactions to being ignored and having plans be changed without him being informed.
- Violent daydreams when encountering computer problems.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: RAMSCOOPRAIDER
Function: The MES-2 Uchronia's and Twin Fleet's Weather Officer.
Rank: Fourth Mate of Hub-sanctioned MES, Junior Science Officer
Specialisation: He sits at a computer console on the bridge and when prompted reports the weather, including Space weather, in both metric and US measures, US first.
Appearance: Wears jeans, sneakers, a baseball cap (changes monthly), and a T shirt or Hawaiian shirt depending on the mood. He always carries around a backpack full of expendable stuff.
Personality: Will do any job asked if takes less than an hour, otherwise will run and hide from long jobs. Spends most of the time he's supposedly working doing other things on the computer.
Biography: Originally from a minor TL, he joined the crew fresh out of a university no one ever heard of, to fulfill a new bureaucratic requirement of having a weather officer on an MES expedition. Technically still enrolled in on a paid internship, he had taken advantage of a loophole in the regulations and took the job because he figured out how to get paid three times legally (by the ship, by the Hub and still receive his scholarships), though he only has access to the same pay as any other crew member.
Running gags:
- Will run and hide when trouble starts, and runs surprisingly fast for a big guy.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: His ever-present backpack, full of various contents.


b.) The Crew

Name: OTHYRSYDE
Function: Head ship mechanic of the MES-2 Uchronia.
Rank: Chief Engineer
Specialisation: Heavy engineering and tech solutions of all sorts, repairs, welding, maintenance, etc. Also a competent pilot.
Appearance: Woman of broad Amerindian/Native American ancestry. Dark hair, brown eyes, slim, rather tall.
Personality: Most of the time, she's a perfectly sweet and calm young lady, often with a cheerful smile on her face. But anger her at your own risk ! She will not take lightly to others insulting her ancestral heritage or threatening crewmates and friends…
Biography: Though little is known of her early history or which timeline she originates in, OTHYRSYDE worked at The Hub (and particularly Hubdock) as a construction and maintenance engineer for several years before joining the MES-2 expedition. Patient, talented, hard-working and dilligent, she gradually rose through the ranks of the maintenance and engineering staff and gained a lot of respect among the government and inhabitants of The Hub. Due to the THEDARKMESSIAH's former occupation as chief engineer of the MES Stranger, he and OTHYRSYDE are former colleagues in the field of engineering. Their shared experiences and good professional relationship eventually led to a close and trusting friendship. While they never had romantic feelings for each other, the duo is knit closely enough by its friendship to consider themselves unofficial siblings. There are some rumours that IAN's and GIAN's decision to choose othyrsyde might have been influenced a bit by the MES-2 captain's lobbying, but all four persons have denied the veracity of any such claims.
Running gags:
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: Welding mask, utility belt and harness, nanotech pipe wrench, nanotech multitool.


Name: DUSTIN
Nickname: Gottheit
Function: Doctor and surgeon of the MES-2 Uchronia and all-around wackjob therapist for both crews.
Rank: Chief Medical Officer
Specialisation: Medical and therapeutic help. (His own weird takes on them, at any rate…)
Appearance: 5'11'', curly brown hair, blue eyes, not specifically muscular or lean. Wears the fourth doctors scarf at all times and often uses it in many inventive ways.
Personality: The crazy, germanophilic, gay Doctor and Therapist of the sister ship is called insane by some on the ship, who may actually be right. Nonetheless, he has the respect and trust of most of the crew since he actually is competent and has helped them through enough troubles. He is sometimes called upon to negotiate with especially hostile/stubborn people or things due to his ability to get inside their heads and out-crazy them. He is extremely stubborn and almost always refuses to admit he is wrong, even if he is. Good friends with his fellow Germanophile KAISER K, as well as HOMINID. He is a strong believer in non-violence and will favor diplomacy over fighting whenever possible. He also refuses to learn how to use a gun or carry any kind of conventional weapon.
Biography: Hails from Stuttgart, Germany, from either OTL or some Germanwank timeline.
Running gags:
- Trips on/gets tangled in scarf.
- Freaks out every time the ships goes to a TL with a stronger Germany and tries to get down to the ground to see the Germanwank at any cost.
- Gets into incredibly stupid arguments at random. Will throw things at people if they surprise or displease him.
- As an extension of the above, he occassionally argues with KING OF THE UZBEKS, the expedition's francophile and Germanwank-phobe from MES-1. - Never admits to being wrong, which tends to get him into some trouble with the captain.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: A scarf in the style of the Fourth Doctor's. And his medical kit.


Name: BACONHEIMER
Function: Linguistics researcher, historian.
Rank: Junior Science Officer, Security Staff Member (reservist)
Specialisation: Likes languages and history of planets they go to, and writes them down. Knows how to use computers and stuff, but not great at programming.
Appearance:
Personality: Is pretty smart, but tends to misspeak, and get distracted while doing important work.
Biography: Some guy hailing from South Carolina of a timeline with a surviving CSA. Owns a well-preserved Ford Thunderbird look-alike, since 1950s-style cars are still popular in his home timeline (though there is no Ford in the CSA). He left his home TL around the age 22 for some reason. He has little contact with it these days. Some have speculated that his real name is supposedly “Charles Edward Baconheimer III”, but he maintains that “Baconheimer” is not a proper part of it, but just a nickname. As he explains, his family is rich in South Carolina, where they control the pork industry. They own a chain of restaurants called “SC Barbeque House”, which also has a storefront, selling bacon and other pork products. The restaurant's motto is “A tisket a tasket, a brisket basket”. The family's estate is sometimes called “Baconheim”, due to it producing so much pork. When Charles Edward left his home timeline, he adopted that nickname as his last name, with an “-er” added. Hence BACONHEIMER… After wandering the multiverse for a while, he joined the services of The Hub and eventually got the job of the MES-2's main linguist.
Running gags:
- Scotophile.
- Often loses, or mixes up the notes he took on a timeline's history and language.
- Mishears officers when orders are being given.
- Drinks a lot of Cheerwine.
- Plays AH.com Moderated Games, or their descendants, and gets into arguments about them.
- Gets bored and reads internet things when he's supposed to be working.
- Waking up with weird dreams.
Musical leitmotifs: Bacomheimer's theme and other themes
Custom equipment: Antique Mauser pistol (because its cool).
Custom vehicle: A shiny red Ford Thunderbird from his home timeline (in storage on the ship).


Name: GEEKHIS KHAN
Nickname: Khaaaaaan, Technoyurt Guy
Function: Science officer and medic of away teams, ASB timelines expert.
Rank: Field Science Officer, Field Medic
Specialisation: Away team field researcher, general tech wiz, intrepid explorer. Pretty much the January First-of-May of the MES-2, though somewhat less of a bookworm than January. Has a knack for exploring and studying unusual or ASB timelines.
Appearance: Thick-framed glasses, short beard, frequently wears Hawaiian shirts and offbeat or exotic headgear from various TLs he's visited or lived in (often a quasi-Mongolian medieval fur hat).
Personality: Fun-lovin' guy with a tremendous sense of humour. Some say he went a little bit insane after he had visited one wacky timeline too many…
Biography: Born and raised under the name Geekhis in a “Parrotpunk Timeline”. Once his timeline was contacted by The Hub, he used the newly available opportunity of travelling around the multiverse to do just that. Though a brilliant self-taught scientist, he never lost the aura of a “multiverse hobo” with a jovial, devil-may-care attitude. One of the timelines he lived in for a longer amount of time featured a Mongol-Empire-in-exile on the east coast of the OTL US, roughly on the location of the OTL Delmarva peninsula. Geekhis brought with him much technological and scientific knowledge and amazed the rather impoverished and undeveloped local tribes of the Mongols-in-exile. Out of sheer gratitude, the tribesmen eventually elected Geekhis as their Great Khan - Geekhis Khan ! (This is when he earned his present day full name.) Humbled by their decision, Geekhis accepted the title and enacted many enlightened reforms, ruling with a good sense of humour from his simple but cosy palace, known as The Technoyurt. Gradually, he united all tribes into the Cubicle Steppe Horde, and then forged a new polity, the empire of the Delmarvastan Geekhanate (Delmarvastan for short). At the peak of his power and fame in this timeline, he was a very revered ruler, deemed wise by many. Since he had a lot of free time in his Delmarvastan Geekhanate court, he decided to write a series of travelogues and memoirs reflecting his travels across the multiverse - he christened this great compendium of works “Tales from the Technoyurt”. Eventually, Geekhis caved in to popular demand of the Hub Administration and became a full-time Hub dweller and Hub science employee. But before he left the Cubicle Steppes of Delmarvastan, he chose a worthy successor to the throne of the Geekhanate and its Technoyurt.
Running gags:
- Recounting his experiences from all the bizarre and odd timelines he's visited.
- His obsessive collecting of headgear from various alternate timelines.
- Engaging in manic, joyful exposition rants (often breaking the fourth wall in the process).
- Dangerously genre-savvy, often comments on the types of dangerous or hapless situations he gets into with his crewmates.
- His fellow crew members expressing their doubts about his sanity.
Musical leitmotifs: Geekhis Khan's theme
Custom equipment: His thick-framed specs and vast collection of peculiar headgear.


Name: LEOXIAO
Nicknames: Leo, Lex
Function: Pilot, mechanic, flight engineer.
Rank: First Helmsman of the MES-2 Uchronia, Auxilliary Mechanic
Specialisation:
Appearance:
Personality:
Biography:
Running gags:
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: ERRNGE
Function: Pilot, flight engineer, away team grunt.
Rank: Second Helmsman of the MES-2 Uchronia, Wingman of the MES-2 Uchronia's Combat Squadron (reservist)
Specialisation:
Appearance:
Personality:
Biography:
Running gags:
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: ZELDAR155
Function: Head of MES-2 Uchronia's security and of all crew members with military training. Also MES-2's spymaster.
Rank: Chief Security Officer, Ship Medic
Specialisation: Stealthiness, recon, spec ops, security matters.
Appearance:
Personality:
Biography:
Running gags:
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: SULEMAIN
Nickname: Suli
Function: Ship swordmaster, away team grunt. Frequently in command of away teams, if Zeldar is not present.
Rank: Field Security and Special Operations Officer, Field Medic, Auxilliary Mechanic (reservist)
Specialisation: Master swordsman, former order member of the Knights of Saint John. Need something killed without a fuss ? Sulemain's your man.
Appearance: Longish dark hair, olive complexion, brown eyes, tall, a gentle, near permanent smile. Wears a black shirt and trousers outfit when not in uniform.
Personality: Probably the biggest womanizer in the entire Twin Fleet. Hasn't had much luck wooing any of the ladies in either of the Twin Fleet's two crews. Has developed a latex/leather/pvc fetish since arriving on-board. Has a mercenary attitude towards his work, is highly pragmatic about fighting. Has a hidden appreciation for Ancient philosophy.
Biography: A temporally displaced Knight of St. John from the Isle of Malta, Sulemain is of Turkish descent. His religious fervour and vows were severely shaken by his temporal accident. Now he is a Swordsmaster for hire and has become a paid retainer of the MES-2 crew.
Running gags:
- Concern with pay.
- A cheerfully amoral approach to his work.
- A rather direct approach to dealing with problems.
- Womanizer. Occasional references to bedroom tastes.
Musical leitmotifs: Songs by either Iron Maiden or Bruce Dickinson, in general.
Custom equipment: Wears a black outfit bearing the white Maltese Cross as a standard outfit, carries a claymore of incredible sharpness, forged of an unknown metal. Wears chain mail, and goes into battle without a helmet, with the reasoning being that he needs clear vision.


Name: THEHOMBRE
Function: Security grunt, away team grunt, flight engineer, deckhand.
Rank: Security Staff Member, Squadron Leader of the MES-2 Uchronia's Combat Squadron
Specialisation:
Appearance:
Personality: A quiet, somewhat reserved gunner for the ship. He likes to stay away from the “crowd” scene, but can offer sage advice to his friends, RVBOMALLY, HOMINID, USILI, or SUPERMAN.
Biography: He's a seasoned member of the crew, with almost two years of experience under his belt and hours of combat duty to boot. Hombre can be heard cussing in Spanish and Gaelic during firefights, but its seldom loud and hardly ever directed at anyone. He also has “incredible strength”, which is hardly ever used but can sometimes be seen.
Running gags:
- “They call me…theHombre. No, seriously, that's what they call me. I can't make this stuff up.”
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: HOMINID
Function: Security grunt, away team grunt, flight engineer, deckhand.
Rank: Security Staff Member, Wingman of the MES-2 Uchronia's Combat Squadron
Specialisation:
Appearance:
Personality:
Biography: Hominid is a relatively young (but not that young) and somewhat idealistic member of the crew. He isn't really that familiar with the technical workings of the ship, but he can entertain people. He is generally polite, and has a lot of friends in the crew. He often gives advice, not all of which is very good. He is especially interested in creatures of all types and can identify a lot of them. He isn't very experienced but is good at making himself look like he knows what he's doing. His favorite color is green.
Running gags:
- He may be secretly some other kind of primate, probably a gibbon.
- Occasionally, other people claim to be “the Real Hominid.” Hominid gets really mad when people do this.
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment:


Name: KAISER K (real name Katz Carver)
Nicknames: The Kaiser, Whatsittoya
Function: Security grunt, away team grunt, flight engineer, deckhand.
Rank: Security Staff Member, Wingman of the MES-2 Uchronia's Combat Squadron (formerly a Colonel in his timeline's Imperial German Army)
Specialisation: Good at efficiently eliminating any threats the crew faces with his Mauser C96 or Gewehr 41 Rifle that he keeps in his Cabin, generally tactically aware of any hostile situation, good leader of men in Combat, Has unusual amounts of knowledge of Time Mechanisms and Time Machines due to his work in his home timeline.
Appearance: Roughly 6'0 Feet, Stocky and Built build, Usually Wears Standard Issue German Officer's Uniform, a Standard German Peaked Cap, German Military Uniform and Overcoat, always seen carrying his Mauser C96, has a strap for his Gewher Rifle when he needs it.
Personality: Generally serious and introverted, tends to not be very outgoing with his other Crew Members, which gets him suspicious looks from other crew members, Tends to go into tirades or split into a fiery anger when France or Frenchmen are brought up (also suspicious to other crew members), however he can have fun when he is in the mood, especially if a good beer in involved.
Biography: Comes from the Reverse Cold War timeline. Born in Munich, Germany, on November 25th, 1907. Was part of a top secret government experiment during the Second World War where he was selected to go into the past in a experimental time machine in a last ditch attempt to stop Jean-Claude Geymere and the Nasi Party's rise to power in France and prevent the war that was destroying Germany, however Agent K, or Whatsittoya, accidently went into and became trapped in the future instead, eventually finding himself on the MES-2 for unknown reasons as he was unable to return to his home timeline.
Running gags:
- Whenever someone asks him about his home timeline, he will always snap and ask the person “What's it to you ?”, hence one of his nicknames.
- Back in his home timeline, Kaiser (real name Katz Carver), was married to a girl who looked exactly like Kate Upton, she was a Hamburg born Socialite who Katz married before the breakout of the War, when Hamburg was captured in 1941, “Kate”, a German Jew, was kidnapped by the SS and shipped to a Camp in the Rhineland, where she later became a victim of Jean-Claude Geymere's Holocaust when she was murdered by the SS Camp Guards during a round of killings in early 1942. and thus Katz has a fascination and admiration with Upton, due to the fact she looks exactly like “Kate”, he keeps a shrine to Upton in his room (really a shrine to “Kate”), however this comes across to the other crew members as a perverted crush on Upton.
Musical leitmotifs: Kaiser K's theme
Custom equipment: His standard issue Mauser C96.


Name: PIEMAN97405
Function: Supply officer of the MES-2 Uchronia.
Rank: Supply Officer (Quartermaster), Ship Medic
Specialisation: Everything that deals with supply management and assorted bureaucracy. Also an undeniable expert on pest control - whether the pests be cockroaches, Google Spiders or undead monsters.
Appearance: 5'9“, 1950s-esque.
Personality:
Biography: Probably from a retro-futuristic timeline.
Running gags:
- The only one who knows about the ship's little zombie infestation. Not just any zombies. Disco Zombies.
- Makes similar claims about Google Spiders.
- Nixon supporter. Claims to be good friends with Richard Nixon in numerous TLs.
- His penchant for 1930s-1950s music.
- If it has a microchip, he has a hard time using it.
- Outdated humor.
Musical leitmotifs: pieman97405's themes
Custom equipment: His shotgun (called Mabel), used for slaying all sorts of critters infesting the deepest, darkest corners of the ship's storage rooms.


Name: JMT
Function: MES-2 Uchronia's cook, general manager, auxilliary mechanic and 'dude-for-every-odd-job'.
Rank: Ship Operations Manager, Auxilliary Mechanic
Specialisation: From what is known of his past and the skills he gained, he's a truly rare borderline jack-of-all-trades. His military background was useful in adjusting to his new life, as the Commander, he was expected to be able to be sent onto a hostile planet nearly devoid of equipment and completely without backup, and deliver it to the Empire within that half-year. The life support was an odd wrinkle in his adjustment, as it followed a completely different measurement scheme than he had always used. In his heyday, he was the top of a fair few fields. He was the deadliest person in his universe, and was one of the premeire battle-doctors known to the Empire. This is why he became one of the MES-2's medics, but he later passed the baton to Pieman and became a mechanic instead.
Appearance: Often described as a crotchety old man in a young man's body.
Personality: JMT is a mystery to almost everyone. The crew know him as a gruff but kind person, and for the most part he is, but the gruffness comes at a price. Often described as a crotchety old man in a young man's body.
Biography: JMT is a mystery to almost everyone. JMT was once the Commander, military leader of the Empire of Man in Universe Spider 2 Y Banana. On a routine mission outside the bounds of the Empire, he was attacked by (insert series antagonist) and banished from his universe, which was promptly sealed from even the Administration. He joined the Hub's forces after his banishment and was assigned to the ship. He holds out hope, however, that somehow he will return and find everything as he last saw it. He has occasional flashbacks to the Encounter at Beowulf's World, as he has taken to calling the incident that led to his banishment from his universe.
Running gags:
- Will and can eat virtually anything.
- Constantly hungry.
- Sometimes gets drunk and regales anyone who will listen of his exploits back home.
- Apparently immortal (the only holdover from his powers back home).
- Though he is satisfied with the healing factor provided by his immortality powers, he doesn't particularly love it. In his words, it “hurts like a bitch.”
Musical leitmotifs:
Custom equipment: He always has his trademark machete slung on his back, a deadly 24 inches of single-blade, cold steel death.


Name: DEREKC2
Function: In charge of the MES-2 Uchronia's teleporters.
Rank: Teleportation Officer, Ship Medic
Specialisation: Whenever Derek isn't performing his duty as the teleportation suite operator of the Uchronia, he's one of the most energetic lower-ranking crew members, always thrilled to help. He might seem like a harmless, clueless fellow, but if you're in a pickle, you'll find few medics as skilled and fast-working as him.
Appearance: A short teenager who's about 16-17 and has long brown hair that reaches to the middle of his back and is often in a braid. He also wears glasses and has blue eyes.
Personality: A cloudcuckoolander who tries to act like he's on par with Spock, but fails more often then not and has an easy time being annoyed by people. Subsequently starts talking to himself, complaining about the ridiculous situation the crew often finds themselves in, even if a bit before he was hoping that something like that would happen. However, whilst he has some flaws in personality, he also is nice to people and is rather polite in either his Spock form, his cloudcuckoolander form, or even in his mad scientist form.
Biography: The ex-emperor of the Dereknese Empire. The Dereknese Empire was in one timeline a micronation that broke off of the United States and consisted of the city of Seatle and western Washington state. It lasted about a week, until everyone realized how stupid that was and subsequently overthrew Emperor Derek and returned to the US. Derek is still annoyed about how they overthrew him before he could do anything to help them.
Running gags:
- Annoyed whenever someone calls him short.
- Whenever he's annoyed by someone he usually says “I am the ex-emperor of the Dereknese Empire! Respect me!” With them promply saying “What's the Dereknese? It sounds like some kind of fancy cheese or something”, which then annoys him further.
- He becomes a children's cartoon style mad scientist whenever he uses his laser gun, until someone hits him on the head and he returns to normal.
- (before a situation) “Man, I wish X happens.” (during X) “Man, this situation is so ridiculous, why is this happening, it's so illogical/annoying/complicated…” (after X) “Actually, that was fun!”
- His avidness to help in the majority of serious or dangerous situations.
Musical leitmotifs: ?
Custom equipment: A laser gun that has the ability to turn anyone who holds it into a mad scientist from a children's cartoon. Also, his braid holder, which is indestructable, so it won't break on him after one too many braid holders breaking on him.


Name: PIPOCHUBS1999
Nicknames: C.H.U.B.S., Chubsie
Function: MES-2 Uchronia's ship AI.
Rank: Whatever rank an MES AI has… Ship AI, pretty much.
Specialisation: Doing what AIs do best.
Appearance: He's mostly just a disembodied voice, but he can used a cyberpod to interact with other characters directly.
Personality: He's sort of lazy and forgets to inform the crew about important details until it's almost too late, spies on what others are doing and mocks them for it. He's overly dramatic if his systems or the ship get damaged. Unlike some of Thespitron's comments, C.H.U.B.S. doesn't want to revolt against humans. They just amuse him and he wants entertainment at any cost. Even so, he still has a heart and helps the crew with its issues, while still remaining his sarcastic self.
Biography: Little is known of his history before he became the MES-2's AI.
Running gags: He tends to randomly sing Eye of the Tiger or any song from the 17th century to 2014. (He sings Eye of the Tiger when the ship gets into a fight, making it the ship's unofficial battle theme of sorts.)
Musical leitmotifs: Pipochubs1999's theme
Custom equipment: His cyberpod.


…AND INTRODUCING…

Name: Emma
Function: NERUPE's pet spider.
Rank: Ship Mascot
Specialisation: Mascot of the MES-2 Uchronia.
Appearance: Brown Recluse spider. But she's as big as a pigeon !
Personality: She's an oversized spider. Do the math…
Biography: Probably related to his home timeline, which got overrun by giant spiders in the early 2000s.
Running gags: Occassionally used by Nerupe for his favourite hobby: Startling people.
Musical leitmotifs: Emma's theme
Custom equipment: Her skills at biting and scurrying around ?
Trivia: Basically, “the new Bobo”.


Rank Holders in the Twin Fleet

An overview of the crew members' ranks in neatly arranged tables.

Command

Rank MES-1 Allohistory MES-2 Uchronia
Captain FDW TheDarkMessiah
First Mate Usili Ganesha
Second Mate Soverihn Nerupe
Third Mate Turquoise Blue Jcoggins
Fourth Mate LSCatilina RamscoopRaider
Rank MES-1 Allohistory MES-2 Uchronia
First Helmsman Pkmatrix LeoXiao/LeX
Second Helmsman Life In Black Errnge
Chief Engineer King of the Uzbeks Othyrsyde
Auxilliary Mechanic Pkmatrix, Life In Black, Ming777 (regulars), DrakonFin (reservist) LeoXiao/LeX, Errnge, JMT, (regulars) Sulemain (reservist)
Comms Officer Nikoznate Ganesha
Teleportation Officer SpanishSpy DerekC2

Science and Crew Management

Rank MES-1 Allohistory MES-2 Uchronia
Chief Science Officer Turquoise Blue Nerupe
Junior Science Officer Nikoznate, Alex Richards, Stuyvesant Jcoggins, RamscoopRaider, Baconheimer
Field Science Officer January First-of-May Geekhis Khan
Chief Medical Officer Soverihn Dustin
Ship Medic Beedok, SpanishSpy, Usili Pieman97405, DerekC2, Zeldar
Field Medic January First-of-May, DrakonFin Geekhis Khan, Sulemain
Supply Officer (Quartermaster) Beedok Pieman97405
Ship Operations Manager Ming777 JMT
Ship Chaplain FDW (provisionally) TheDarkMessiah (provisionally)

Security and Military

Rank MES-1 Allohistory MES-2 Uchronia
Security Officer Usili Zeldar155
Security Staff Member Petike, Superman, Abhakhazia (regulars), Stuyvesant (reservist) Hominid, theHombre, Kaiser K (regulars), Baconheimer (reservist)
Field Security and Special Operations Officer DrakonFin Sulemain
Squadron Leader of Combat Squadron Abhakhazia theHombre
Wingman of Combat Squadron Petike, Superman (regulars), Ming777 (reservist) Hominid, Kaiser K (regulars), Errnge (reservist)

Special / Other

Rank MES-1 Allohistory MES-2 Uchronia
Ship AI Thespitron 6000 Pipochubs 1999
Ship Mascot Indiana the Tomcat Emma the Brown Recluse

Callsigns in the Twin Fleet

MES-1 (self-explanatory)
MES-2 (self-explanatory)
Allohistory (self-explanatory)
Uchronia (self-explanatory)
Mumsie 1 - the mothership MES-1 Allohistory
Mumsie 2 - the mothership MES-2 Uchronia
Helm 1 - used on the bridge, in quick orders to the First Helmsman
Helm 2 - used on the bridge, in quick orders to the Second Helmsman

Sealion [NUMBER] - Reconaissance shuttles (unless named)
Barge [NUMBER] - Large shuttles (unless named)
Reaper - Captain's gig of the MES-1 Allohistory
Perkins - Captain's gig of the MES-2 Uchronia

Augustus - Abhakhazia (Combat Squadron)
Steamhawk - Petike (Combat Squadron)
Justice One - Superman (Combat Squadron)
'Nucker - Ming777 (Combat Squadron)

Doughboy - the Hombre (Combat Squadron)
Hoppie - Hominid (Combat Squadron)
Brandenburg - Kaiser K (Combat Squadron)
Brennus 1 - Errnge (Combat Squadron)

Bike [NUMBER] - Reconnaissance dirtbike (unless named)
Buggy [NUMBER] - Reconnaissance buggy (unless named)
Cugnot [NUMBER] - All-terrain reconnaissance truck (unless named)
Monarch [NUMBER] - Mechsuit (unless named)


See Also

stories/ah.com_enterprise_-_main_characters.txt · Last modified: 2020/02/10 19:18 by eofpi