The Sky Pirate Extraordinaire.
AH.com member hailing from Slovakia. He joined the board in late June 2008 and still feels like an honorary n00b, but seems to be learning quickly…
Lives in the “Far East” of his homeland, on the territory of what was once the proud county of Zemplín. A typical central European fellow with very mixed heritage (yeah, it's a long story). Naturally multiethnic, multilingual and whatnot…
Beware, he is a fierce localpatriot. But with a great sense of humour and irony.
In his free time, he enjoys archery, cycling, reading, bookworming anything about history (or what interests him at the current moment), having fun with his two dogs and lots more…
He's a big fan of the European Space Agency, often jokingly referring to himself as “an avid, jingoistic ESA fanboy”.
Contrary to popular belief, his nickname is not pronounced as “Pet Ike”, but more like “Petty que ?” (“que” as in Spanish for “what”).
Also contrary to popular belief, he is not a mod on this wiki, just one of the most regular contributors. Ian's the only mod you should contact about the wiki, especially the technical side of things.
Petike's first finished pseudo-TL was a short one-shot story written in a single post. It can can be found in the “Worst Timeline Ever” thread. So yeah... It involves an eternal Cold War between tech-wanking Welsh and the merry old Mongolian butcher, baron Sternberg… Oh, and Aztecs… and Churchill… and time travel… and Turtledove's Race… and fish and chips and yorkshire pudding… Another “worst timeline ever” thrown glove was answered thusly. Spoiler: Involves Minoan jump jets, surviving dinosaurs in India, Carthage founding colonies on Pluto, popsicles as a global strategic resource, and ancient Magyars time-travelling out of boredom.
A long time ago, he also had plans to create an ASB clockpunk-wank scenario featuring an early industrial revolution in late medieval Europe, with the help of another member, euio. This timeline would be based on the previous works of both. In Petike's case, it was this silly scenario idea : Those magnificent men in their ornithopters...
One of his currently ongoing projects concerns creating a timeline and comprehensive background to a European version/reimagining of FASA's classic Crimson Skies universe. Homages and pulpy atmosphere galore, guaranteed ! Originally, he wasn't planning to post it on AH.com, but as of spring 2013, he has used the board and its wiki for showcasing some elements of the setting. (See the following section on this page.)
Includes finished works, works on hiatus and planned works.
I often start something and then find it hard to finish it or continue it or refine it or… Oh well, just read the list and pick what you like.
If you are a member of AH.com and want to ask for a cameo role in one of Petike's timelines or stories, please apply here.
The eponymous character of Petike, a crew member of the MES-1 Allohistory from AH.com Enterprise, is based on him.
1. For no good reason at all, there will always be an inevitable Kingdom of Hungary, even if it was founded by Avars, Khazars, Slavic tribes or Danish Vikings in, say, 435 AD.
2. The Philippines can only be conquered and colonised by the Spanish, Germans/Prussians and Americans. They are their sacred property and no other country in the world can claim them as their turf.
3. In any ATL with some version of Hungary and/or Austria-Hungary, the aforementioned country is either a starry-eyed über-prosperous, über-advanced and progressive highly democratic monarchistic utopia or an insanely backwards, brutish, jingoistic and economically crippled sh__hole of Europe, rife with ethnic strife á la the Balkans. Never. Anything. In. Between.
4. Whatever happens in central Europe, it doesn't affect anything about the general outcome of world history or even European history. Unless it's the end of the 1930s…
5. If any “near future land war” wanking fantasy found in the FH forum has any nuclear powers involved, they'll nuke themselves (and often the rest of the world as well) to sweet mushroom cloud oblivion sooner or later. Usually very soon… If a FH story like this is written in an eyewitness-style format, expect cringeworthy phrases like “Speak of the devil ! City X and Y has been nuked in a decapitation strike, half a million dead, ZOMG !”
6. Teddy Roosevelt, Roman Nikolai Ungern von Sternberg, Paul Lettow von Vorbeck and Móric Beňovský/Benyovsky can make anything more awesome.
7. If the Germans don't turn into Nazis by the 20th century, the French and the Russians are always merrily ready (and conveniently handy) to take their place. The babbling of pseudoscientific nonsense about “lesser races” and threats of their physical extermination are always welcomed bonus points on the cliché meter of cackling-modern-ebiiil-empireness.
8. Russia and Korea are always effed. Byzantium, the Ottomans and the Brits are always king.
9. Italians always get their arse kicked or are ridiculously militarily incompetent from the 18. century onward.
10. If Czechoslovakia is successfully formed, it will exist within the starting state of its borders for all eternity. What are these ethnic, economic and cultural issues and inner tensions you speak of ? Czechoslovakia is also notable for being as inevitable as the Kingdom of Hungary or the Duchy of Burgundy. No one seems to ever research or take into account, that even during OTL WWI, there were at least 3-4 proposed and accepted concepts of what to do with the modern day Czech lands and Slovakia in case the Austro-Hungarian empire would dissolve after the war…
11. If Brits or Byzantines win a war, the result is a world-spanning utopia. If the Spanish, Russians or Germans win a war, the world turns into an insane dystopic hellhole.
12. 90 % of ATLs have something to do with American presidential history, the American Civil War and the Confederate States of America, Nazi or Soviet superscience, or a wank with a never declining British (more rarely French and Dutch) empire.
13. There are always 2 world wars in the first half of the 20. century and, preferably, a Great Depression between them - even if the POD is that the last ice age never ended. Bonus cliché points if the first war happens in the second decade and the second one starts somewhere around the turn of the 1930s and 1940s.
14. Intriguing PODs prior to the 18. century are apparently boooooooooooooring and not worth mentioning.
15. The USA/CSA want Canada and/or Cuba and, dammit, they'll get them !
16. Nothing ever happens in South America, Africa, Australia or Oceania.
17. Bizarrely, nothing ever happens in Switzerland either - since 99,9 % of all TLs just turn it into an unchanging and uninvadable Space Filling Statelet. It kind of just exists in its own separate pocket universe, even though every AH map of Europe will trick you into thinking it actually might have some ties to historical processes, whether positive, negative or neutral. And don't you ever dare to redraw its sacred unchanging borders - that's a major no-no !!!
He is typically calm and polite to others.
Likes to argue with alt_historian over scenarios related to the history of spaceflight.
* air piracy (of the properly romantic variety)
* Austria-Hungary's positive legacy
* the importance of central European history
* the need for Austro-Hungarian zeppelins
* the importance of mundane social and cultural details in alternate history works and in fiction in general
* not quotting whole posts and not quotting images
* it's the “Czech Republic” or “Czechia”, never “Czech” !
* sense of wonder and sense of humour
* the clockpunk agrodadaist liberation of Franz Josef's Land from the clutches of its boring current status
* insistence on blending insanely realistic with insanely “rule of cool” elements in fictional settings
* gentlemanly and compassionate treatment of women and children
* trams and trains and aeroplanes, oh my !
* the understated sexiness of short, cute brunettes
* generally moderate opinions on almost everything
* historical monuments (especially castles)
* hiking (if he is in the mood for it)
* good literature and some fine tea to go with it
* subarctic or polar landscapes and environments
* micronations (he is the proud ruler of one)
* archipelagos (his dream is to annex Franz Josef Land to his aforementioned micronation)
* assault rifles with a bullpup configuration
* steampunk / clockpunk / otherformulaicnamepunk
* aviation history and vintage aircraft
* photography and amateur forays into filmmaking
* Jenna Coleman - as seen e.g. here
* all kinds of barmy humour
Petike describes himself as an altruistic democrat, “conservative liberal” and “liberal conservative”, although some heretics would claim he's a teensy bit more to the right side. But “right” and “left” are silly and long obsolete political terms to him, so go figure… He is predominantly an apolitical person, though, and treats politics as a predictable and entertaining farce.
And in case you're wondering, he HATES any kind of totalitarian ideology, whether overt or veiled. The same goes for arguments in the style of :
“Desperate times… blabla… desperate measures… blabla…” (This can be used to justify virtually anything, regardless of its moral or pragmatic value.)
“You'd do it too, if you were in the same situation/predicament !” (Maybe I would, but I would just hate myself afterward…)
“It's not Fascism/Communism/Chauvinism/Supremacism/Whateverism when we do it !” (Yes it is. Or can be, edging uncomfortably close to that worrying threshold.)
As for revanchism and pointless “who has the right” discussions - if you'll ask him on his opinion about these sort of things, he'll probably just use quotes like “An eye for an eye and the world will become blind.” as an answer and leave it at that.
Also, he once publicly slapped Israel and Palestine after they made him angry. Yeah, that's how he rolls…
Petike is a follower of, in his own words, “a syncretic blend of Calvinist Skypirateism and Thandislam”.
Petike is one of the few bearers of post-AH.com Peerage titles. As with all such titles, it has not been approved for official AH.com Peerages. Half-mad aerial warlord that he is, he concocted it himself, revealing it to a blissfully unsuspecting (and indifferent) world on the 1st of October 2016: His Aviatic Majestic Excellency, Petike I., Sky Pirate Extraordinaire, Captain of the Nimrod for Life, (Would-be) Conqueror of the Austro-Hungarian Empire in general and the Zemplín shire in particular, King of Franz Josef's Land, Prince-Elector of Polar Bears and Puffins, and Corsair of Corsairs. Try to put that on a business card, ladies and gents !
As you can see, Petike engages in a lot of, for lack of a better term, “verbal gingerbread”.
The board members are welcomed to write down any other catchphrases that would come to mind…