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Complete List of Luakels

A running joke in The Series is that luakel clones often feature. This list attempts to bring them all together in chronological order of encounter.

Sympathy Day Luakel

Appears in SYMPATHY DAY without explanation (like most of the non-crewmember cameos in this anarchic G.Bone-penned episode). The first appearance of a Luakel in the Series.

Supermodels Luakel

From the episode LAND OF THE SUPERMODELS, this Luakel clone was a horribly deformed Igor-like figure who was originally assistant to a mad scientist who cloned supermodels for his harem. After the mad scientist died while performing oral sex on Jessica Simpson (hinting that he was an alternate Doctor What), Luakel took over and produced many more mind-controlled clones, which turned out to be cannibal predators who devastated the world. He was eventually killed by three of his supermodel harem when Leo Caesius destroyed the mind control. This Luakel spoke of himself in the third person and had other Gollum-like mannerisms. This was the start of the running joke about bashing Luakel and having his clones responsible for wrecking timelines, which would be developed particularly in later Dave Howery-penned episodes.

Future Luakel

A crewmember on the possible future Ship from AH.COM THE SORTA-KINDA-MAYBE NEXT GENERATION. His origins are unknown, but fits with the theme of the new crew being made up of recruits who are very young in the 'present'. Probably not the same as Luakel Prime.

Oppositions Luakel

This Luakel was nearly tortured to death by Dark IronYuppie in the opposite world of OPPOSITIONS (yes, another Dave Howery episode).

TL-191 Luakel

An inhabitant of Ohio in 1942 in Harry Turtledove's TL-191, as seen in AMERICAN EMPIRE THE HOLDER CANNOT SCENT. Arrested by the Confederate occupiers for stealing supplies, he was “rescued” by stranded AH.commers and used by Hendryk as the spare tyre for a truck by running along beside it holding the axle up. If this were not indignity enough, he was then shot by a passing Sam Carsten in between sunburn monologues.

Pirate Luakel

Cabin Boy on the pirate ship Time Warp, crewed by alternates of the AH.commers, in the primitive timeline of GIVE ME A TALL SHIP. Eaten by a shark. (Guess what, a Howery episode)


The Luakel who joined the crew and featured in subsequent episodes. Found in the same futuristic cyberpunky timeline as Flocculencio, this Luakel was a street urchin before randomly being grabbed by Doctor What to wring out information on that timeline. However, he revealed that he was originally from yet another timeline (from the nowhere town of Cowpat, Nebraska) and stowed away on a crosstime freighter to see the Multiverse. We know little about this timeline except that the USA has conquered Canada and razed Toronto to the ground. (Strangely, this episode was not written by Howery…) It was also revealed later on that it was a socially conservative TL where Prohibition never ended.

His body was destroyed at the end of Season 2 and his brain transplanted first into a simple robot body and then into the body of another luakel clone. In between, his disembodied brain was the subject of unrequited lusts by Bobo.

Crazy Gun Nut Luakel

A member of the anti-Barney resistance, along with Sbegin and Kilngirl, in the timeline of AVE, B'HARNY. This Luakel has a shaved head, a crazed expression and a very large gun. His macho posturing is a humourous reverse of the normal luakel's pacifism and support of gun control. Loves the smell of napalm in the morning.

Kid Luakel

Only exists in a dream sequence in STORY HOUR where he was read to by IronYuppie. Six years old.


Female distaff counterpart of Kid Luakel and Dorothy analogue from the story told by IronYuppie in STORY HOUR - so, a dream within a dream. Bizarrely, had Bobo instead of Toto.

(Female) Mirror Luakel

Although the Mirror Crew debuted in the first episode, Mirror Luakel did not show up until after Luakel Prime had joined the primary crew. He appeared in female form in what is quite possibly the most disturbing scene in GENDERBENDER MIRROR, and that's really saying something.

Later seen in male form in UNRESOLVED ISSUES. After a scarring incident involving Mirror Kit, he turned into a psychopath and was weaponised by the Mirror crew, who tie chainsaws to his flailing limbs and catapult him into battle in THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN.

Cephaloboy Luakel

A Luakel clone experimented upon by Geneto, Doctor What's supervillain counterpart in the universe of C-MEN. This is the first time it is stated in-series that the Luakels are clones, and it is also mentioned that they tend to be genetically unstable. Geneto's modifications gave the 'Cephaloboy' octopus-like features, including a bulbous bald head and tentacles. Was crushed into goo by the collapse of Geneto's fortress.


The second most common recurring Luakel after Luakel Prime. First appeared in the episode A WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY as Chingo360's first officer on the Ship (a reference to the fact that those two were the most prolific posters on the forum the ship was based on). Alt-Luakel stuck with Chingo after they lost their ship, and featured in several other episodes, most of them centred around he and Chingo losing their dead-end jobs at the Hub and then regaining them again at the end. They argue like a married couple, and are now even raising one of Doctor What's half-Neanderthal children, a girl called Luaka (or possibly Chinga), unbeknownst to Doctor What.


radical_neutural in disguise as Luakel, also in A WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY. Could actually spell his swearwords.

Megastar Luakel

The drummer in a world-famous pop group in the timeline seen in 28 YEARS LATER. Impersonated by Michael in a black wig.

Slaver Luakel

Sidekick to EvolvedSaurian. Together they captured the AH.commers and tried to sell them as slaves, but were stopped by Leo Caesius and Luakel Prime's brain in an “R2-D2” robot body. Luakel Prime's brain was then switched with Slaver Luakel's, giving the former a body and sticking the latter in R2-D2. (TIN PLATED HEROES)

Impericide Luakel

A Luakel clone responsible for somehow killing the God-Emperor, or possibly the God-Admin, of the Vendetta's universe. This is responsible for the Vendetta's attempt to purge the multiverse of Luakel clones. (V IS FOR VENDETTA)

Luakels of the Wasteland

In the episode LUAKELS OF THE WASTELAND, the Ship crash-lands on a desolate 'Mad Max' desert planet populated entirely by Luakels, all of whom have some kind of defect. They include:

Sandkat Tribe

Parson (the religious leader - hunchbacked and albino)

Bubba (the chief - hugely muscled, with boar-like tusks)

Momma (his wife - with six breasts)

Walker (top scout - three eyes)

Slinky (female - razor-sharp teeth)

Bo/Jo (two heads)

Spider (four arms)

Snake Tribe

Lord Enormous Guy


Morlock Tribe

The Bishop (red eyes, jaw spikes)

De-ageing Luakel

The Luakel clone responsible for de-ageing the population of the timeline in A SMALL PROBLEM. Shot dead by GBW, Keira and Leo.

Planet of the Urkels

In a fantasy of edvader's in TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU, Weapon M and Diamond were stranded in a Planet of the Apes-type post-apocalyptic scenario, where only “Urkels” (luakel clones) survive. The Urkels' perfect society was based on strict gun control. It was corrupted by Weapon M building guns and Diamond spreading the good news of pantslessness, causing the holodeck to fail.

Zombie-fighting Luakel

A schoolboy who blew himself up to kill a horde of zombies in MORNING OF THE UNDEAD HORDES.

Machine Luakels

In THE MACHINE we meet the titular Machine that produces Luakel clones. Many are seen maturing and being fired to their destinations in the episode. In particular, Leo reprogrammes the Machine to produce spaceborne Luakel clones in spacesuits to attack the Vendetta. In MONTANA HOWERY AND THE MANTLE OF N00B we learn that there are also an uprated and militarised version of Luakel clones that the Machine produces to defend itself - the Nekromen.

stories/complete_list_of_luakels.txt · Last modified: 2019/03/29 15:14 (external edit)