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Dave Howery

Dave Howery used to be the only member living in Wyoming, and is originally from Montana. His contributions to the board include episodes of the Series and starting the “A Little Trip” fad.

His political views have been generally expressed as centrist/moderate, with a touch of isolationism. Less serious views expressed include the desire to conquer Canada and exterminate the inhabitants (something the Canadian born moderator has let him get away with time and time again), that he is planning on setting up salt mines for his political prisoners 'when he takes over', that he is building an army of mechs (with chainsaw and minigun arms) and robot tanks in his garage, and that Ian is actually I.A.N., a computer program. He steadfastly refuses to follow any of the false religions on the board, and has expressed a dislike of sheep in general. He has taken great pride in being one of the distinguished few who was really disliked by MEJ before he left the board. While generally tolerant, he has been known to be quite wrathful when talking about smoking and smokers. Dave is also known for once having been a prolific writer of D&D gaming articles in his misspent youth, and was rather shocked to find that some board members actually knew who he was once this dreadful secret was out. He also once actually was Kilngirl's boss, when he was a retail store manager in Idaho.

For some unknown reason, the rest of the board has decided that Dave has a long, luxurious, ZZ-Top style beard. He doesn't. (Or so he claims - everyone else, wearing tinfoil hats)

Dave is also the reluctant King/Caesar of Mars.

In July 2014, Dave celebrated twelve years on, as he's been around since the Old Board days.

Famous Quotes:

  • “The Chinese invented bears, you know…”
  • (On other members posting photos of themselves with female friends) “Less you more girl…”
  • “Nyuck, nyuck. I blame society for your condition.”

In Fiction

In The Series, Dave is the Ship's chief engineer, and is characterised by MacGyver-like powers to make jury-rigged repairs, although he doesn't seem to know how he's doing them. His signature weapon is an adamantium chainsaw. He also has a knack for creating mechs and robotic monstrosities, once making a steam powered mech with a crude Gatling gun and smoothbore cannon.

Thanks to the events in Cult of the Swamp God, he finds himself in a romantic relationship with Keira Knightley, a non-player character from the planet's RPG whose role was to fall in love with her rescuer. She and Dave are currently living in sin aboard the ship, much to Flocculencio's chagrin.

The Writer Chimp version of Dave also occasionally makes an appearance out of continuity, usually plotting to have something nasty happen to either Landshark or Michael.

In Luaky Commer, Dave is Kilngirl's father.

In Wars, he fulfilled the Tarkin role as commander of the Death Tsar, and was killed in its explosion - but not before he used it to destroy the planet Canada.

Part of the cast in Doctor What‘s Extinction Event, in which he appears as Acting President Howery.

In euio's FH spoof TL This Is What Will Happen in the Future, Dave Howery became Emperor Dave I of America, destroying Canda and forming an island of order in the chaos of the successor states to the USA.

offtopic/dave_howery.txt · Last modified: 2019/03/29 15:13 by

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