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offtopic:flocculencio

Flocculencio

Our resident Singaporean. Expert on swashbuckling piracy and a founding member the Keira Knightley Fan Club. The KKFC was later incorporated into Goatism, the Final Revelation of Ian (PBUH) unto the Board.

Caliph of the Goatists, Viceroy of the Anglistani, once-AH.com Ultimate Mountain Manly Man in the Height of his Manliness, the Last Anglophile, Treasurer of the Keira Knightley Fan Club. Has sexy eyes. Wielder of Smackus Maximus, the Postmodern Smackdown. Is actually Abhishek Bachchan's chubbier long lost twin; Aishwarya Rai actually fell in love with Flocc first but found his dedication to Drama and English literature teaching too strong, so married his brother instead.

Has a yen for white women much like Hendryk's attraction to East Asian women and it is rumoured that the two have worked out an agreement to divide the planet into spheres of influence based on their taste in women.

He is renowned for having many doubles, including a French weatherman, which are known as 'Flocculgangers'. It is unknown who would win in a fight between Flocc's Flocculgangers, Hendryk's Hendryklones and Luakel's Clone Army.

Has a burning mission to raise awareness of India in AH as most Althistorians seem to think that Asia consists solely of China, Japan and “some other bits with, like, yogis and ashrams and shit like that”.

At one point Flocc popularised a picture of his head revolving around the Earth, and another which features him grinning in front of a nuclear explosion.

Most of the British members on the board - sorry, subjects of the Viceroyalty of Anglistan - consider Flocc to have achieved the very difficult feat of being not only honourary British, but honourary English. The only time this image cracks is when he expresses his dislike of the countryside.

Recently he has teamed up with Michael in a rather unlikely partnership to write Series episodes and make MrP the next Pope.


Causes championed

  • The British Empire in India
  • The Indian Empire in Britain
  • Anglophilia
  • Them there white women
  • The Anglo-Saxons
  • The Dutch and their disproportionate coolness quotient
  • Keira Knightley, Natalie Portman, Anna Paquin or a combination of the three!
  • Indian rather than Japanese domination of the East Indies because it makes no sense for Japan to control the East Indies! Sweet Zombie Jesus, they were a backwater before the Meiji Rest…ok, I'll stop now…
  • Socialised medicine
  • Currently Grand Inquisitor of the Great Holy Grammar Inquisition
  • The superiority of academic selection by ability (accompanied by much gloating at the West's modern feeble flower-child ways)

Flocc has adopted a bewildering variety of multi-layered role-playing identities, which he mixes, matches and mutates depending on the thread. These include:

  • General Mughal Empire Padishah's court flowery ramblings
  • British sepoy general/heroic explorer
  • Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars
  • Caliph of the Goatists (using faux-Islamic terminology)
  • The Calormenes from the Narnia legendarium
  • Rather randomly, the Pope

Notable works


Catchphrases

  • Huzzah!
  • There is no Goat but Goat and Flocculencio is Its Prophet.
  • (said in sarcastic voice) Me so scared!
  • Shush now, or Daddy will beat you.

Nicknames

  • Flocc
  • Flo (not approved of)
  • Blackflocc the Pirate King
  • Singaporean Internet Gentleman
  • Friendly Forum Authoritarian (or Friendly Neighbourhood Authoritarian)
  • The Revenge Cowboy

Photo Thread Saga

Flocc frequently posts photos on the How do you look thread. Almost invariably, these feature him alongside pretty Asian women. There is a theory that all of this is designed to make Hendryk jealous. Singapore also resembles a slightly rickety film set, with a city-backdrop matte painting behind it, in Flocc's pictures.


In AH.com Fiction

  • Has a role in Luaky Commer as a professor of Knowitall House
  • In AH.com The Series, Flocc is a passenger on the AH.com Ship. He possesses a mecha-corvette which is constantly awaiting repairs and of a flask of appletini which never runs dry. This was given to Flocc by some guy in a pub, possibly Satan though Flocc insists that his name was probably “Stan”.
  • Appeared in Dial M for Elastic as Colonel Phileas Flocc, erstwhile commanding officer of the 5th Rajputana Rifles.

AH.com Politics

Flocc is a member of the Keep Everything The Way It Was Before Party and is one of their MPs. He is also a Special Cabinet Minister being appointed as Minister of Education which makes sense since he's a teacher.


Sourcebook Stats

Skill bonuses and Penalties: Indian Racial bonus (+5 Str, Con, Dex when led by British Officers), Lascivious Oriental (+3 charisma vs. white women), Anglophile (British Humour + NHS skills), Student (+4 Lore, -5 Dex when stoned), Drunken Student (+8 Con, -4 Dex when drunk)

Special Ability: English degree (able to bury 1 opponent/day in bullshit)


offtopic/flocculencio.txt · Last modified: 2017/03/18 04:38 by petike