Table of Contents
AH.com has a long and rich military history, going back to the earliest days of the New Board.
To date, there have been five AH.com civil wars, all of them different, but all jocular :
The Great Schism - The first religiously motivated civil war in AH.com's history. Started one beautiful day when Flocculencio, bored out of his skull, declared himself “Pope Awesome I.”. Within hours, there were already several antipopes and rising new religious movements and churches. Roll over, Wars of Religion ! You've met your match ! Eventually, the conflict gradually petered out and AH.commers went on to search for new wacky running jokes to fight wars over.
The Colour Scheme War - Nearly started over the board's long-term dispute about which colour to use on AH maps. A unique war, because it got narrowly averted thanks to diplomatic goodwill. Many AH.commers were afraid of it escalating into the most destructive conflict the board has ever seen. Ideas for an AH.com The Series-like work chronicling the bitter paintshed of the war were drawn, but they never materialized due to the war not getting off the ground. Major factions of this short-lived conflict included the “Greensheviks” (who prefer to colour Russia green) and the “Goldilocks” (who preferred to colour Russia gold). There were several small neutral factions too (e.g. Petike's colouranarchist-leaning “Map Marauders”). The Colour Scheme War has been likened to the Trent Affair, the Phony War and (especially) the Russian Civil War - partly because of them being done to death in mainstream AH and on this board.
The Pony Wars - The latest and most convoluted of the four conflicts. It surpassed even the scary predictions and expectations originally applied to the UCS War. Even poor Ian the Admin was forced to get involved . It has yet to come to an end and leaves the ultimate question - who will be the victor that writes history - unanswered for now. Please don't confuse it with the/a P(h)ony War, because it's anything but. You. Have. Been. Warned. (Update : The wars ended by early 2012 with an uneasy, but hopefully everlasting armistice.)
The Siberian Crusade - The second religious war in the site's history. Began in May 2015 with the creation of “The Official Omsk Bird Totally-Not-a-Cult Thread”. The Time Ranger, representing the Wilsonians, immediately declared war on the cultists, and plethora of new religions soon joined in. A peace treaty between all combatants was ratified and signed on May 13. However, relations between the factions continued to simmer since then, with minor conflicts occurring every few days. Among the notable factions in the conflict were the Blue, the immortal Nixon administration, Eugene Debs' socialists, the NFL, the storks, and a number of self-proclaimed deities. Over the course of the conflict the earth has twice been destroyed.
The War for American Political Supremacy - Started as a result of the birth of two twins to the olden American Politics Thread, both bitter rivals.
Coups, Crises, Riots...
The AH.com People's Funny Hat Revolution - Various “sombreristas”, distraught at the failure of the Funny Hat Bill, stormed Parliament. The revolters' demands were eventually dropped after talks stalled.
Maverick Mutiny - The infamous March 2011 incident, where Maverick abused his moderator powers by hard-deleting several threads he had no right to, in an effort to, in his own words, “improve the board”. He was banned shortly after this was discovered. In the end, he was hoist by his own petard, as most of the deleted threads were his own works (still a pity, as he is a talented writer).
red1 Crisis - Fueled by the eponymous obnoxious troll.
Dahveed's November Coup Attempt - One beautiful November day, boisterous new board member Dahveed323 posted a thread in the Forum Rules and Administration forum, in which he, without a hint of irony, demanded that Ian the admin be deposed from AH.com leadership. Guess how that went…
March On Board - Shortly after the previous coup, the undemocratic principles of the board were challenged. Despite a rightous call, however, elections were postponed due to the board's peasants being fine with tyranny.
Porn Terrorism - One of the vilest attempts against the board, and the only so far with possible legal consequences. After being kicked twice for plagiarism, Vice President Mike spammed both AH.com and CF.net with NSFA porn in revenge. Of course, he and all his sockpuppets were banned.
Wampanoag Incident - Eight people were kicked and five people chose to leave the board permanently in a series of arguments over the Wampanoag language.
Black Saturday / Black October - Ian banned six members and kicked two more for supporting the GamerGate movement. It is the second largest mass-banning in board history, and the largest mass-banning until the November Riot of 2015. Part of the greater October Crisis.
November Riot - Multiple members were either kicked or banned in the aftermath of the 2015 Paris terrorist attacks, in two main waves. As on November 14th, 2015, it is currently the largest mass banning in history.
The Move Crisis - In the aftermath of a controversial unbanning, several members threatened to leave the site altogether. Fortunately, the major effects of said crisis were averted, thanks to the hypothetical Thandean-Meadow Effect. Sadly, a few members kicked during the crisis asked to be permanently banned, despite the respite.
Defensive Wars of AH.com
The Brushfire Wars Against the Phonespammers - A neverending low-intesity battle ever since the New Board was founded. One of the main counterinsurgency tactics of the past was kill claiming after locating spammers, but this practice has been discontinued since 2012 (trust us, it's enough if you just report the spammer via the report post function).
The Snooki War - Errupted when AH.commers had just about enough of Jersey Shore and decided to do an on-board LARP against the reality show in retalliation.
Small Incidents and Minor Events
The Likening (title pending) - During a routine checkup on reports, Ian kicked a grand total of 10 people within minutes, most of them for 'liking' a post which got the OP kicked. While it was earlier stated that he would not give actions to those who used the like system on actionable posts, Ian kicked about 8 people for liking the post. This was clarified by Ian himself, as the post in question was a slightly higher grade than usual.