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Like any culture, over time the beliefs of AH.com's members have coalesced into a bizarre array of faiths.
All religions of the Board venerate the divine Ian (PBUH), though they vary greatly in their beliefs. A recurring concept of the AH.com Monomyth is the presence of the so-called Messengers of Ian (i.e. religious prophets that have been touched by AH.com's greatness). Common among the board's religious is a legendary race of enemies known as the Google Spiders. Also, several figures are prominently are worshiped variously by members of different religions, though often no dogma is associated with them: Keira Knightley, Doctor What, and Priya Rai.
Sheepism and Goatism
The Board's oldest religions is Sheepism, whose origin is in the legendary Sheep Thread. After a schism occurred amongst the Sheepists, the religion was divided into what eventually became the three most widespread Board religions:
Some religions worship or revolve around certain charismatic members of the board:
- The Krallhá'í Faith was formed around Krall as an extension of the cult of personality that he formed around himself in the Fascist Fascist Bastard Fascist Party. They believe that all other gods, such as Doctor What, Thande, and even Ian, are merely aspects of Krall, who were created in order to suit the needs of the time and their worshippers. It featured a military arm, The Kralltonic Order, which is now defunct.
Some religions worship or revolve around the practice of drinking alcohol:
- Bachanalia-ism is a religion centered on regular boozing, specifics be damned. Cuahtemoc is the main prophet and patron saint.
- Drink Heavily Day - Main holiday of all alcohol-centric religions.
Besides the broader categories, there are other less-easily defined board religions that aren't associated with the preceding religions. Many more short-lived denominations were formed in 2008 as a result of the Great Schism.
- Giant Beeism was once the newest Board religion, focusing on the Divine Pollination of Harry Potter actress Emma Watson by a Giant Bee.
- Omskism, a nihilistic cult centred on the Omsk Bird, a Russian internet meme.
- The Siberian Crusade, a war that initially began between the Omskists and Wilsonians, which later spread out and became a general anti-Omskist war.