Challenge- Worst timeline ever!
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1776: Declaration of Independence-United States of America created
1812: War of 1812-US annexes Canada
1822: Liberia founded
1834: Virginia abolishes slavery. Other States soon follow.
1846: Mexican American War-US annexes all of Mexico
1861: United States elects first Black President
1869: USA annexes Dominican Republic, Haiti
1870's: Spanish American War-US annexes Philippines, Cuba, Moraco
1880's: Liberia is largest African nation.
1890:Third Anglo-American War (over Venezuela thing)-USA wins, annexes all British colonies
1901:Roosevelt corollary. USA annexes all of South America.
1911: First Balkan War-USA annexes Serbia
1812: War of 1812-US annexes Canada
1822: Liberia founded
1834: Virginia abolishes slavery. Other States soon follow.
1846: Mexican American War-US annexes all of Mexico
1861: United States elects first Black President
1869: USA annexes Dominican Republic, Haiti
1870's: Spanish American War-US annexes Philippines, Cuba, Moraco
1880's: Liberia is largest African nation.
1890:Third Anglo-American War (over Venezuela thing)-USA wins, annexes all British colonies
1901:Roosevelt corollary. USA annexes all of South America.
1911: First Balkan War-USA annexes Serbia
480 B.C.-Spartans run away from Persians at Thermopylae at the sight of their vast numbers, Persia annexes Greece only to be kicked out by Romans centuries later.
20 A.D.-Jesus killed in carpentry related accident.
423 A.D.-Attila the Hun dies of heart failure after eating unhealthy.
477 A.D.-Roman empire collapses.
900 A.D.-The Vikings invade Portugal after being kicked out of Ireland and Britain.
902 A.D.-The Vikings take over Portugal.
1065 A.D.-Viking Portugal, also known a Normandy, invades and conquers Wales.
1300s A.D.-Buddhism becomes the dominant religion of Europe, except for Wales and Portugal (Normandy) which worship Ares.
1409 A.D.-Portugese Vikings discover Floridia peninsula, which they claim and name as New Portugal.
2000 A.D.-New Venice loses war to New Portugal and the Norman-Portuguese become the dominant power in the Americas.
2008 A.D.-Australia is invaded by Thailand.
20 A.D.-Jesus killed in carpentry related accident.
423 A.D.-Attila the Hun dies of heart failure after eating unhealthy.
477 A.D.-Roman empire collapses.
900 A.D.-The Vikings invade Portugal after being kicked out of Ireland and Britain.
902 A.D.-The Vikings take over Portugal.
1065 A.D.-Viking Portugal, also known a Normandy, invades and conquers Wales.
1300s A.D.-Buddhism becomes the dominant religion of Europe, except for Wales and Portugal (Normandy) which worship Ares.
1409 A.D.-Portugese Vikings discover Floridia peninsula, which they claim and name as New Portugal.
2000 A.D.-New Venice loses war to New Portugal and the Norman-Portuguese become the dominant power in the Americas.
2008 A.D.-Australia is invaded by Thailand.
1861 Union forces win at Bull Run.
1861-1862 Confederates defeated.
1862 Southern states revert to territorial status; Federal government puts blacks in charge of the territories.
1863 Violence against Southern whites, especially women. Attackers go largely unpunished.
1864 Slavery abolished in the US; history books rewritten to blame it all on a Jewish Conspiracy.
1865 Lincoln declares a genocidal war against American Indians. Later that year, an Indian kills the President and First Lady during a play they were attending.
1866 The Southern Territories regain their independence as African America. All American blacks are deported to this new country.
1867 Russia sells Alaska to the British, who incorporate in into the new Dominion of Canada.
1868 Franco-Prussian War: France is defeated by Prussia and its allies, who form the German Empire.
1869 The Second Mexican Empire, now free of French control, puts down an anti-Imperial rebellion.
1869-1870 With US support, Germany exterminates its Jewish population.
1871 Andrew Johnson proclaims the American Empire, with himself as Emperor.
1874-1877 The Second Mexican-American War ends with neither side making any gains.
1880 Denmark sells Greenland, which becomes part of Canada.
1881 Japan overthrows its Shogunate and returns power to the Emperor. The country is renamed Nintendo.
1884 The British Empire obtains sole rights to colonize Africa.
1884-1890 All of Africa becomes British territory.
1891 Nintendo defeats China, annexes Taiwan and Korea. The Empire's new subjects are given equal treatment under the law.
1894 The Boxer Rebellion is successful. The Boxers' leader is recognized as the new Emperor of China. At once foreign infuence is curtailed.
1898 An Irish Rebellion is set off by a British law requiring the Irish people spend some of their time sober. The rebellion is crushed with the use of primitive fuel-air bombs.
1901 The British join their African colonies to form the Dominion of Africa. Meanwhile, the Commonwealth of Australia is created.
1904 African America conquers Cuba and other nearby Spanish colonies, which then become AA territories.
1905 Nintendo annexes Hawaii.
1910 India and South Africa gain self-government and Dominions. The British government formally apologizes to India's people.
1911 Mexico and African America offer to join the American Empire. Their offer is accepted.
1912 Canada is ceded to the Americans in exchange for a promise to help enforce a ban on non-British tea.
1912-1919 World War I: Fought between Europe and Asia over whether or not women should be allowed to wear pants.
1920s The Profound Sadness, a series of disasters and setbacks leading to widespread suicides.
1930s Several countries are taken over by the Evil Movement, dedicated to evil for evil's sake.
1938-1948 World War II, which ends with the Axis of Evil being defeated. Nintendo only surrenders, though, after A-bombs are dropped on three of its cities. America annexes the entire Nintendo Empire.
1950s A Cold War begins when the Russian and American Empires cannot agree on the correct interpretation of capitalist doctrine.
1961 World War III is narrowly averted when American and Russian leaders agree instead to a game of strip poker.
1963 Empress Jackie Kennedy is kidnapped by Cuban pirates. She is never seen again. Emperor JFK punishes the Cuban people with A-bombs.
1966 The first verifiable cases of what is now known as AIDS. Meanwhile, Gene Roddenberry commits suicide over his failure to get Star Trek onto any network.
1970s The true beginning of the AIDS Pandemic. This is accompanied by rioting, racial conflict and political instability.
1979 A mass uprising in Chicago, which is only put down when a newly designed cold-fusion bomb is dropped on the city. This goes down in history as The Day Chicago Died.
1981 Brazil and its neighbors join to form the South American Union.
1980s Governments come to power throughout the world which blame AIDS on Muslim terrorism. This marks the start of the War on Islam.
1989 America, Russia and China join together, creating the World Empire.
1991 The World Empire is offically declared purged of Islam. A law is passed denying Arabs any rights in the Empire.
1990s The World Empire overruns the Middle East, destroying all traces of Islam and declaring that Arabs shall be consumed as food.
2001-2008 The World Empire demands that all nations surrender to it. There is resistance, but in the end everyone is forced to join the Empire.
2009 John McCain is crowned World Emperor. Barack Obama, having been killed for being an Arab Muslim, is served as the main course at the Inaugural Dinner.
1861-1862 Confederates defeated.
1862 Southern states revert to territorial status; Federal government puts blacks in charge of the territories.
1863 Violence against Southern whites, especially women. Attackers go largely unpunished.
1864 Slavery abolished in the US; history books rewritten to blame it all on a Jewish Conspiracy.
1865 Lincoln declares a genocidal war against American Indians. Later that year, an Indian kills the President and First Lady during a play they were attending.
1866 The Southern Territories regain their independence as African America. All American blacks are deported to this new country.
1867 Russia sells Alaska to the British, who incorporate in into the new Dominion of Canada.
1868 Franco-Prussian War: France is defeated by Prussia and its allies, who form the German Empire.
1869 The Second Mexican Empire, now free of French control, puts down an anti-Imperial rebellion.
1869-1870 With US support, Germany exterminates its Jewish population.
1871 Andrew Johnson proclaims the American Empire, with himself as Emperor.
1874-1877 The Second Mexican-American War ends with neither side making any gains.
1880 Denmark sells Greenland, which becomes part of Canada.
1881 Japan overthrows its Shogunate and returns power to the Emperor. The country is renamed Nintendo.
1884 The British Empire obtains sole rights to colonize Africa.
1884-1890 All of Africa becomes British territory.
1891 Nintendo defeats China, annexes Taiwan and Korea. The Empire's new subjects are given equal treatment under the law.
1894 The Boxer Rebellion is successful. The Boxers' leader is recognized as the new Emperor of China. At once foreign infuence is curtailed.
1898 An Irish Rebellion is set off by a British law requiring the Irish people spend some of their time sober. The rebellion is crushed with the use of primitive fuel-air bombs.
1901 The British join their African colonies to form the Dominion of Africa. Meanwhile, the Commonwealth of Australia is created.
1904 African America conquers Cuba and other nearby Spanish colonies, which then become AA territories.
1905 Nintendo annexes Hawaii.
1910 India and South Africa gain self-government and Dominions. The British government formally apologizes to India's people.
1911 Mexico and African America offer to join the American Empire. Their offer is accepted.
1912 Canada is ceded to the Americans in exchange for a promise to help enforce a ban on non-British tea.
1912-1919 World War I: Fought between Europe and Asia over whether or not women should be allowed to wear pants.
1920s The Profound Sadness, a series of disasters and setbacks leading to widespread suicides.
1930s Several countries are taken over by the Evil Movement, dedicated to evil for evil's sake.
1938-1948 World War II, which ends with the Axis of Evil being defeated. Nintendo only surrenders, though, after A-bombs are dropped on three of its cities. America annexes the entire Nintendo Empire.
1950s A Cold War begins when the Russian and American Empires cannot agree on the correct interpretation of capitalist doctrine.
1961 World War III is narrowly averted when American and Russian leaders agree instead to a game of strip poker.
1963 Empress Jackie Kennedy is kidnapped by Cuban pirates. She is never seen again. Emperor JFK punishes the Cuban people with A-bombs.
1966 The first verifiable cases of what is now known as AIDS. Meanwhile, Gene Roddenberry commits suicide over his failure to get Star Trek onto any network.
1970s The true beginning of the AIDS Pandemic. This is accompanied by rioting, racial conflict and political instability.
1979 A mass uprising in Chicago, which is only put down when a newly designed cold-fusion bomb is dropped on the city. This goes down in history as The Day Chicago Died.
1981 Brazil and its neighbors join to form the South American Union.
1980s Governments come to power throughout the world which blame AIDS on Muslim terrorism. This marks the start of the War on Islam.
1989 America, Russia and China join together, creating the World Empire.
1991 The World Empire is offically declared purged of Islam. A law is passed denying Arabs any rights in the Empire.
1990s The World Empire overruns the Middle East, destroying all traces of Islam and declaring that Arabs shall be consumed as food.
2001-2008 The World Empire demands that all nations surrender to it. There is resistance, but in the end everyone is forced to join the Empire.
2009 John McCain is crowned World Emperor. Barack Obama, having been killed for being an Arab Muslim, is served as the main course at the Inaugural Dinner.
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1914 - Germany, being fucking imba and also being formed 5000 years earlier by super-nationalists which can only ever have good effects, defeats the allies in 3 seconds with Prussian Needle Guns, Frederick the Great and Chuck Norris.
1915 - Britain, so scared sells the Entire British Empire to America - this is then turned into a shit load of states really fast - for 10 twinkies and a Car because they don't know what one looks like. Then the entire population runs off into the countryside to become carpenters.
1916 - The Evil Germans in Europe begin raping peoples Mothas and making everyone eat German Sausages. Also they kill all the Jews. And burn churches. YEAH!
1917 - Germany lands on the moon and builds moon colonies.
1918 - USA Turns India into a Rocket and lands on Mars - setting up the Mars Colonial Empire.
1920 - US - Germany War in which Germany attacks Mars using it's Imba ness. Unfortunately Kaiser Wilhelm uses his good arm not his limpy arm to attack mars, and breaks it into two million pieces which inturn destroy earth. The Germans left in space Eat the Americans and form 'New Earth' on Pluto and Join the Federation and kill the Borg.
1915 - Britain, so scared sells the Entire British Empire to America - this is then turned into a shit load of states really fast - for 10 twinkies and a Car because they don't know what one looks like. Then the entire population runs off into the countryside to become carpenters.
1916 - The Evil Germans in Europe begin raping peoples Mothas and making everyone eat German Sausages. Also they kill all the Jews. And burn churches. YEAH!
1917 - Germany lands on the moon and builds moon colonies.
1918 - USA Turns India into a Rocket and lands on Mars - setting up the Mars Colonial Empire.
1920 - US - Germany War in which Germany attacks Mars using it's Imba ness. Unfortunately Kaiser Wilhelm uses his good arm not his limpy arm to attack mars, and breaks it into two million pieces which inturn destroy earth. The Germans left in space Eat the Americans and form 'New Earth' on Pluto and Join the Federation and kill the Borg.
POD:
5000 BC: The piramids are not finished
0 AD: Jesus explodes in flames
500 AD: Flaming Jesus his religion is the dominant religion in the the Middle East fighting the evil Islamics of Eurabia.
501 AD: The Caliph of Rum (ROME!!!) unites the states of Eurabia
550-600 AD: Several Jihads and Crusades follow ending in nothing but 1000s of deaths.
1500 AD: The Eurabian Caliphate discovers America
1600 AD: the Flaming Jesus religion adapts kung-fu as a state sport and conquers Japan.
1647: The Holy Budhist Empire of all Steppes conqueres China, Russia and the stan's (which dont exist in this universe)
1800: The Communist Revolution begins in Eurabian Islamica (America) the Peoples Republic of the United Islamicanic Sovjets (PRUIS) is established.
2000: World war Cool starts between the three great nations of Eurabia, Kung-Fu Flaming Ninja Jesus Empire and the PRUIS.
The END
5000 BC: The piramids are not finished
0 AD: Jesus explodes in flames
500 AD: Flaming Jesus his religion is the dominant religion in the the Middle East fighting the evil Islamics of Eurabia.
501 AD: The Caliph of Rum (ROME!!!) unites the states of Eurabia
550-600 AD: Several Jihads and Crusades follow ending in nothing but 1000s of deaths.
1500 AD: The Eurabian Caliphate discovers America
1600 AD: the Flaming Jesus religion adapts kung-fu as a state sport and conquers Japan.
1647: The Holy Budhist Empire of all Steppes conqueres China, Russia and the stan's (which dont exist in this universe)
1800: The Communist Revolution begins in Eurabian Islamica (America) the Peoples Republic of the United Islamicanic Sovjets (PRUIS) is established.
2000: World war Cool starts between the three great nations of Eurabia, Kung-Fu Flaming Ninja Jesus Empire and the PRUIS.
The END
Here is the worst abomination of a timeline I could think of without my brain exploding
262378962384763485765783458635389756384576 BC: The Creator's dog poops out the universe
65 million BC: Disney characters die when Xenu takes a big dump on Mars
1 million BC: People are invented when Your Grandmama started dancing around a dead fish
10000 BC: Michael Bay eats Atlantis
3000 BC: Skeletor takes his mommy's medicine and grows a beard on his crotch
2500 BC: Mister Rogers builds the pyramids out of his own urine
2000 BC: Numa Numa guy tells everyone about his grocery list
500 BC: Billy Bob invents the middle finger
300 BC: Adam Sandler dies in an unfortunate schmelting acshident
200 BC: O.J. Simpson stabs Yoda
0 BC or AD: Baby Jebus blows up the Moon
50 AD: Caligula invents Playboy
500 AD: Chris Crocker melts California with his/her laser eyes
1500 AD: Austin Powers discovers New Jersey
1800 AD: Tom Cruise invents Hairism
2000 AD: Tina Fey blows up everything
262378962384763485765783458635389756384576 BC: The Creator's dog poops out the universe
65 million BC: Disney characters die when Xenu takes a big dump on Mars
1 million BC: People are invented when Your Grandmama started dancing around a dead fish
10000 BC: Michael Bay eats Atlantis
3000 BC: Skeletor takes his mommy's medicine and grows a beard on his crotch
2500 BC: Mister Rogers builds the pyramids out of his own urine
2000 BC: Numa Numa guy tells everyone about his grocery list
500 BC: Billy Bob invents the middle finger
300 BC: Adam Sandler dies in an unfortunate schmelting acshident
200 BC: O.J. Simpson stabs Yoda
0 BC or AD: Baby Jebus blows up the Moon
50 AD: Caligula invents Playboy
500 AD: Chris Crocker melts California with his/her laser eyes
1500 AD: Austin Powers discovers New Jersey
1800 AD: Tom Cruise invents Hairism
2000 AD: Tina Fey blows up everything
1812:All Canadians,terrified of America,pass out. They become part of the U.S.
1813:England,scared by the loss if Canada,surrenders soviegnity to the U.S.
1820:An African-American is elected president,and slavery is made illegal.
1830:Jeffferson Davis is elected POTUS,and has a black man as V.P.
1840:Abarham Lincoln goes insane and attacks squirrels with frying pans in Illinois for the rest of his life.
1861-1865:Everything is fine in the U.S.
1890:The entire continent of Africa surrenders soverignety to the U.S.
1914:WWI starts when the Serbian ruler is assainated by a Russian.
1924:WWI ends with the U.S. somehow owning Russia.
1934:A cat sneezes.
1939:Nothing that important happens.
1942:India plants a flag on the Moon,then becomes a stae of the U.S.
1950-1970:Everybody went on vacation
1970-1991:The Stinkbeatles,a band entirley composed of cows and dead weasels,is regarded as "the huamnly stupidest things ever."
1991-2000:Everybody had amnesia. I think.
2000:James Buchanan is elected POTUS.
2004:America annexes the rest of the Solar System.
1813:England,scared by the loss if Canada,surrenders soviegnity to the U.S.
1820:An African-American is elected president,and slavery is made illegal.
1830:Jeffferson Davis is elected POTUS,and has a black man as V.P.
1840:Abarham Lincoln goes insane and attacks squirrels with frying pans in Illinois for the rest of his life.
1861-1865:Everything is fine in the U.S.
1890:The entire continent of Africa surrenders soverignety to the U.S.
1914:WWI starts when the Serbian ruler is assainated by a Russian.
1924:WWI ends with the U.S. somehow owning Russia.
1934:A cat sneezes.
1939:Nothing that important happens.
1942:India plants a flag on the Moon,then becomes a stae of the U.S.
1950-1970:Everybody went on vacation
1970-1991:The Stinkbeatles,a band entirley composed of cows and dead weasels,is regarded as "the huamnly stupidest things ever."
1991-2000:Everybody had amnesia. I think.
2000:James Buchanan is elected POTUS.
2004:America annexes the rest of the Solar System.
Isot the Terrible
Banned
BC 150 Annoyed because no 1 will accepth his inventions, Hero of Alexandria flees to central Asia.
1217 Mongols invent steam car.
1218 Mongols invent steam roller. Both steam cars and steam rollers are fitted with repeating ballistas and driven by nights in full armour.
1220 Mongols invent petrol car.
1223 Mongols under Genghis Khan invade Europe, laying wast to all before them.
1228 China stabs Mongols in the back and invades. Mongols leave Europe to fight Chinese.
1423 China wins war as Cheng Ho wins huge naval battle and defeats mongolian navy.
China and Mongolia agree to build a huge wall separating their countries. Some sections will be patrolled by chinese, some sections by mongolians.
China agrees to be a naval power and Mongolia a land power.
China gives mongolia secret of gunpowder rockets which they then mount on their battle cars/buggies/steamrollers.
1424 Mongolia invade Europe again, looting, raping and pillaging. They stop the rennaisance and destroy printing presses and works of art.
1425 Cheng Ho discovers New World and founds San Francisco.
1426 Cheng Ho conqures Aztecs
1427 Cheng Ho conqures Incas
1428 Cheng Ho discovers Easter Island.
1429 Cheng Ho settles Hawaii with Chinese.
1430 Cheng Ho returns to China and his wife and concubines.
1431 Mongols force Europe to convert to Buddhism or Taoism and make the Pope pray to the Dali Lama.
1432 Cheng Ho discovers Europe for China. Chinese are astonished to learn such a place exists.
Good timelines. I especially like Leej's, Lightinfas and PA Dutches.
1217 Mongols invent steam car.
1218 Mongols invent steam roller. Both steam cars and steam rollers are fitted with repeating ballistas and driven by nights in full armour.
1220 Mongols invent petrol car.
1223 Mongols under Genghis Khan invade Europe, laying wast to all before them.
1228 China stabs Mongols in the back and invades. Mongols leave Europe to fight Chinese.
1423 China wins war as Cheng Ho wins huge naval battle and defeats mongolian navy.
China and Mongolia agree to build a huge wall separating their countries. Some sections will be patrolled by chinese, some sections by mongolians.
China agrees to be a naval power and Mongolia a land power.
China gives mongolia secret of gunpowder rockets which they then mount on their battle cars/buggies/steamrollers.
1424 Mongolia invade Europe again, looting, raping and pillaging. They stop the rennaisance and destroy printing presses and works of art.
1425 Cheng Ho discovers New World and founds San Francisco.
1426 Cheng Ho conqures Aztecs
1427 Cheng Ho conqures Incas
1428 Cheng Ho discovers Easter Island.
1429 Cheng Ho settles Hawaii with Chinese.
1430 Cheng Ho returns to China and his wife and concubines.
1431 Mongols force Europe to convert to Buddhism or Taoism and make the Pope pray to the Dali Lama.
1432 Cheng Ho discovers Europe for China. Chinese are astonished to learn such a place exists.
Good timelines. I especially like Leej's, Lightinfas and PA Dutches.
This thread should be sub-divided into 2 sections: the TL that is just barely plausible but is the worst because of the bad things in it, and the TL that is the worst because it is constructed in ways that are impossible/make no sense/logically flawed/etc.
My worst TL fits somewhere in between:
13 billion BCE: certain baryons wipe each other out at a slightly different ratio than OTL, with a new anti-matter particle, the T (+) particle, called into existance. It allows for the "easy" formation of wormholes given energy at levels just barely available with coal power. Everything else with the universe is like OTL.
1869 CE: while out surveying, the ship that rams John Roebling also hits his son Washington Roebling. The former dies a week later from lockjaw, the latter is crushed to death.
1869 (a bit later): with no one competent to name as chief engineer, The New York and Brookland Bridge Corporation dissolves.
1880: at the New York Democratic Convention, a pamphlet called "Bridge Frauds: corruption with the Brookland Bridge" is not published. Former Civil War General and person who didn't serve on the non-existant Brookland Bridge committee Henry Slocum is nominated for New York State Governor. He wins on the third ballot, beating out Grover Cleveland.
1883: As Governor, he authorizes construction on the New York City and Brookland Tunnel, popularly called the Brookland Tunnel.
1884: Slocum runs for President. He has not fathered an illegitimate child, or sent a bribe in a letter, and so wins easily.
1885: Thomas Edison accidentally discovers the T+ particle. President Slocum finds out about it.
1885 (later): The USA sells Alaska back to the Russians for $12 million. Slocum uses all of it to pay Edison to build a wormhole generator but tells no one else. Edison goes to work in Newark (having moved there for the labor).
February, 1886: Slocum is impeached for selling Alaska for no obvious reason. On the same day, the Vice President, a non-entity from Missouri (to balance the ticket) dies for no obvious reason (Doctor Andrew Smith, who did not work for the New York and Brookland Bridge Corporation diagnosing Cassion Sickness for the non-existant towers, suspects cancer).
April, 1886: Congress has gotten their act together but there is not even a serving temporary President for the US. They worked out something else: any bill which passes both houses by a 2/3 margin becomes law, and if it is passed by only a majority of both houses then it is reviewed by the 9-member Supreme Court, and becomes law with 6 aye votes in that body. The country doesn't mind at all.
August, 1887: Edison builds his wormhole machine and tests it by going to the moon with two assistants. They die from internal explosions and lack of oxygen, but Edison immediately sends himself back and suffers only moderate organ failure and lives.
June, 1886: Apparently when Edison returned it was over a year before he left and it was not to Newark but to just outside Pittsburgh. He goes into hiding and begins more tests, this time allowing for changes in time and fine-tuning the location parameters.
1887 (again): This time the test (to just outside his window back in Newark, Edison wanted to spy on himself) works well, missing only a few minutes on the time and half a mile on the distance of return. Edison sends for private citizen Henry Slocum.
A week later: Slocum uses the wormhole machine to go back to late evening, July 1st, 1863 a couple of miles southeast of Gettysburg, Pa. He goes into the meeting of Meade's corps commanders and kills all of them as well as Meade himself. He leaves himself in command of the Union army, and come morning takes half the army and attacks Lee's left flank (Ewell) east of the town. He loses badly.
July 7th, 1863: Slocum surrenders the Army of the Potomac to Lee on the banks of the Susquehannah River, but he wormholes himself out before the surrender takes place.
Later in 1863 (if you want, skip to last italicised entree): another army is assembled in drips and drabs in the east, taking in the Washington garrison, Pennsylvania militia, the Harper's Ferry Garrison, and raw draftees, as well as McCook's Corps, Sherman's Wing, and assembled other commands sent from the western theatre with Grant in command. It was first offered to Thomas but he declined, not wanting to fight against his old friend Lee. He assumes command of the Army of the Cumberland instead, while Rosecrans takes over Grant's old army.
Still later in 1863: Because of Lee's great victory Bragg is not sent re-inforcements from all over the south. Thomas advances as ordered and even with only his and Crittenden's corps fights Bragg's equally reduced army, and scores two solid victories at Tullahoma and Chattanooga.
Even later in 1863: Now Lee is ordered to either invest and destroy Grant's army north of Washington, invest and capture Baltimore/Philadelphia, or send half his army to Bragg's aid. He attacks Grant - at Camp Hill. The battle rages for 2 days and both sides are exhausted (Sheridan led a heroic charge, Sherman had a defensive line that would have made Joe Johnston proud, and Longstreet was incapacitated by an artillery fragment early in the fight) but Grant has a narrow victory. In any case, Lee retreats into Virginia, and immediately sends Ewell's corps, as ordered, to Bragg's support.
Yet a tiny bit later in 1863: Chickamauga, similar to OTL but Thomas was even better as overall commander moving to Horseshoe ridge immediately, and the battle was a draw but Thomas didn't retreat to Chattanooga.
1864: Grant was promoted to Lieutenant General, Sherman given command of the AotP. Thomas led the drive to Atlanta against Johnston, Grant travelled with Sherman against Lee.
1865: The net effect, The Civil War ended and the big picture was almost exactly the same as OTL.
Half a day later in 1887: Slocum immediately goes undercover and finds a history of the Civil War - is quite stunned that the north won anyway.
Half a day later in 1887: the Ghosts of Reynolds, Hancock, Sedgwick, and Meade, acting in concert, find Slocum and make him go insane within the year.
Autumn, 1887: By now it is discovered that one of the few butterflies from the new Civil War was the early death of Edison. Slocum, obeying the ghosts, commits suicide by wormholing himself back to moments after the Universe was created. His particles being introduced to baryogenesis processes turn the balance the other way, and the T+ particle is never created.
Everything returns to OTL...EXCEPT:
The Brookland Bridge is replaced by the larger Brooklyn Tunnel, and the Williamsburg Bridge is never built - so the Brookland Navy Yard can build even larger Aircraft Carriers without worrying about bridge clearances. This changes the course of the 20th and 21st centuries not at all.
My worst TL fits somewhere in between:
13 billion BCE: certain baryons wipe each other out at a slightly different ratio than OTL, with a new anti-matter particle, the T (+) particle, called into existance. It allows for the "easy" formation of wormholes given energy at levels just barely available with coal power. Everything else with the universe is like OTL.
1869 CE: while out surveying, the ship that rams John Roebling also hits his son Washington Roebling. The former dies a week later from lockjaw, the latter is crushed to death.
1869 (a bit later): with no one competent to name as chief engineer, The New York and Brookland Bridge Corporation dissolves.
1880: at the New York Democratic Convention, a pamphlet called "Bridge Frauds: corruption with the Brookland Bridge" is not published. Former Civil War General and person who didn't serve on the non-existant Brookland Bridge committee Henry Slocum is nominated for New York State Governor. He wins on the third ballot, beating out Grover Cleveland.
1883: As Governor, he authorizes construction on the New York City and Brookland Tunnel, popularly called the Brookland Tunnel.
1884: Slocum runs for President. He has not fathered an illegitimate child, or sent a bribe in a letter, and so wins easily.
1885: Thomas Edison accidentally discovers the T+ particle. President Slocum finds out about it.
1885 (later): The USA sells Alaska back to the Russians for $12 million. Slocum uses all of it to pay Edison to build a wormhole generator but tells no one else. Edison goes to work in Newark (having moved there for the labor).
February, 1886: Slocum is impeached for selling Alaska for no obvious reason. On the same day, the Vice President, a non-entity from Missouri (to balance the ticket) dies for no obvious reason (Doctor Andrew Smith, who did not work for the New York and Brookland Bridge Corporation diagnosing Cassion Sickness for the non-existant towers, suspects cancer).
April, 1886: Congress has gotten their act together but there is not even a serving temporary President for the US. They worked out something else: any bill which passes both houses by a 2/3 margin becomes law, and if it is passed by only a majority of both houses then it is reviewed by the 9-member Supreme Court, and becomes law with 6 aye votes in that body. The country doesn't mind at all.
August, 1887: Edison builds his wormhole machine and tests it by going to the moon with two assistants. They die from internal explosions and lack of oxygen, but Edison immediately sends himself back and suffers only moderate organ failure and lives.
June, 1886: Apparently when Edison returned it was over a year before he left and it was not to Newark but to just outside Pittsburgh. He goes into hiding and begins more tests, this time allowing for changes in time and fine-tuning the location parameters.
1887 (again): This time the test (to just outside his window back in Newark, Edison wanted to spy on himself) works well, missing only a few minutes on the time and half a mile on the distance of return. Edison sends for private citizen Henry Slocum.
A week later: Slocum uses the wormhole machine to go back to late evening, July 1st, 1863 a couple of miles southeast of Gettysburg, Pa. He goes into the meeting of Meade's corps commanders and kills all of them as well as Meade himself. He leaves himself in command of the Union army, and come morning takes half the army and attacks Lee's left flank (Ewell) east of the town. He loses badly.
July 7th, 1863: Slocum surrenders the Army of the Potomac to Lee on the banks of the Susquehannah River, but he wormholes himself out before the surrender takes place.
Later in 1863 (if you want, skip to last italicised entree): another army is assembled in drips and drabs in the east, taking in the Washington garrison, Pennsylvania militia, the Harper's Ferry Garrison, and raw draftees, as well as McCook's Corps, Sherman's Wing, and assembled other commands sent from the western theatre with Grant in command. It was first offered to Thomas but he declined, not wanting to fight against his old friend Lee. He assumes command of the Army of the Cumberland instead, while Rosecrans takes over Grant's old army.
Still later in 1863: Because of Lee's great victory Bragg is not sent re-inforcements from all over the south. Thomas advances as ordered and even with only his and Crittenden's corps fights Bragg's equally reduced army, and scores two solid victories at Tullahoma and Chattanooga.
Even later in 1863: Now Lee is ordered to either invest and destroy Grant's army north of Washington, invest and capture Baltimore/Philadelphia, or send half his army to Bragg's aid. He attacks Grant - at Camp Hill. The battle rages for 2 days and both sides are exhausted (Sheridan led a heroic charge, Sherman had a defensive line that would have made Joe Johnston proud, and Longstreet was incapacitated by an artillery fragment early in the fight) but Grant has a narrow victory. In any case, Lee retreats into Virginia, and immediately sends Ewell's corps, as ordered, to Bragg's support.
Yet a tiny bit later in 1863: Chickamauga, similar to OTL but Thomas was even better as overall commander moving to Horseshoe ridge immediately, and the battle was a draw but Thomas didn't retreat to Chattanooga.
1864: Grant was promoted to Lieutenant General, Sherman given command of the AotP. Thomas led the drive to Atlanta against Johnston, Grant travelled with Sherman against Lee.
1865: The net effect, The Civil War ended and the big picture was almost exactly the same as OTL.
Half a day later in 1887: Slocum immediately goes undercover and finds a history of the Civil War - is quite stunned that the north won anyway.
Half a day later in 1887: the Ghosts of Reynolds, Hancock, Sedgwick, and Meade, acting in concert, find Slocum and make him go insane within the year.
Autumn, 1887: By now it is discovered that one of the few butterflies from the new Civil War was the early death of Edison. Slocum, obeying the ghosts, commits suicide by wormholing himself back to moments after the Universe was created. His particles being introduced to baryogenesis processes turn the balance the other way, and the T+ particle is never created.
Everything returns to OTL...EXCEPT:
The Brookland Bridge is replaced by the larger Brooklyn Tunnel, and the Williamsburg Bridge is never built - so the Brookland Navy Yard can build even larger Aircraft Carriers without worrying about bridge clearances. This changes the course of the 20th and 21st centuries not at all.
1942 : Churchill chooses fish and chips for dinner instead of Yorkshire pudding. 
1919 : He is immediately ISOTed to this year, brainwashed by the ASBs and given a revolver with a silenecer to assasinate Woodrow Wilson. The Versailles conference goes to utter shit and Churchill dies because of the Spanish flu.
1920 : The butterflies help baron Sternberg wank up his Russo-Mongolian Empire and take over Eurasia with ease, even with a succesful Sea Lion and takeover of Britain... except for Wales, which is able to fend off the modern barbarian invaders for an incredible 700 years...
1933 : The Welsh beat baron Sternberg in the space race, landing their first bloke on the Moon. The Mars mission launch is anticipated by the end of the year... The baron is becoming furious.
1939 : The baron's evuuul mad scientists have finally managed to invent nuclear weapons - ICBMs already ! They nuke Wales... Or so they think - the humble Welsh mad scientists have invented an impenetrable force field for the country's defence already two years ago.
1942 : The Race arrive to Earth and Sternberg's spies manage to steal some time machine blueprints from the Lizards. The Race is soon defeated and turned into slaves... The Baron has now conquered most of the world and outlying interstellar territories previously controlled by the Race. But the darn Welshmen are still resisting ! So, he decides to visit the past with a sufficient enough army and wipe out the pesky Welsh once and for all.
1502 : The coordinates for the time machine were somewhat miscalculated and the Baron's expedition force lands in the middle of Tenochtitlan. Needless to say, misunderstandings between them and the Aztecs show up pretty soon - in 5 minutes. The baron and a dozen of his faithful bodyguards make it back all right, but a lot of military tech is left behind. The Aztecs are getting curious...
16. - 21. century : Obligate Aztec-wank. The world is fully conquered and subdued once again... except for those darn Welshmen (sheesh) !!!
Early 21.-st century : The brand new Welsh mind-control spy satellites trick the Aztecs into giving away the secret blueprints for the time machine and nuking themselves. The Welsh quickly finish the machine and send a few brave men back to the past.
1942 : The Welsh (disguised as ASBs, to avoid looking conspicious) point a revolver with a silencer to Churchill's head and say : "Winnie dearest... Eat the goddamn Yorkshire pudding ! Trust us, the entire history of humanity will be very grateful for this noble deed..." Churchill complies.
1942, one day later : Churchill wakes up, turns the radio on to BBC 1 and hears breaking news about an invasion of alien lizard people against Earth.
P.S. You won't believe it, but this is my first proper and actually finished TL !
1919 : He is immediately ISOTed to this year, brainwashed by the ASBs and given a revolver with a silenecer to assasinate Woodrow Wilson. The Versailles conference goes to utter shit and Churchill dies because of the Spanish flu.
1920 : The butterflies help baron Sternberg wank up his Russo-Mongolian Empire and take over Eurasia with ease, even with a succesful Sea Lion and takeover of Britain... except for Wales, which is able to fend off the modern barbarian invaders for an incredible 700 years...
1933 : The Welsh beat baron Sternberg in the space race, landing their first bloke on the Moon. The Mars mission launch is anticipated by the end of the year...
The baron is becoming furious.1939 : The baron's evuuul mad scientists have finally managed to invent nuclear weapons - ICBMs already !
They nuke Wales... Or so they think - the humble Welsh mad scientists have invented an impenetrable force field for the country's defence already two years ago. 1942 : The Race arrive to Earth and Sternberg's spies manage to steal some time machine blueprints from the Lizards. The Race is soon defeated and turned into slaves... The Baron has now conquered most of the world and outlying interstellar territories previously controlled by the Race. But the darn Welshmen are still resisting ! So, he decides to visit the past with a sufficient enough army and wipe out the pesky Welsh once and for all.
1502 : The coordinates for the time machine were somewhat miscalculated and the Baron's expedition force lands in the middle of Tenochtitlan.
Needless to say, misunderstandings between them and the Aztecs show up pretty soon - in 5 minutes. The baron and a dozen of his faithful bodyguards make it back all right, but a lot of military tech is left behind. The Aztecs are getting curious... 16. - 21. century : Obligate Aztec-wank. The world is fully conquered and subdued once again... except for those darn Welshmen (sheesh) !!!
Early 21.-st century : The brand new Welsh mind-control spy satellites trick the Aztecs into giving away the secret blueprints for the time machine and nuking themselves. The Welsh quickly finish the machine and send a few brave men back to the past.
1942 : The Welsh (disguised as ASBs, to avoid looking conspicious) point a revolver with a silencer to Churchill's head and say : "Winnie dearest... Eat the goddamn Yorkshire pudding ! Trust us, the entire history of humanity will be very grateful for this noble deed..." Churchill complies.
1942, one day later : Churchill wakes up, turns the radio on to BBC 1 and hears breaking news about an invasion of alien lizard people against Earth.
P.S. You won't believe it, but this is my first proper and actually finished TL !
Last edited:
Megaman's FIRST TIMELINE!
PART 1!
Prepare for the randomness!!!
Rated 18 SX
65.5 Million years ago : The asteroid that killed the dinosaurs has missed Earth entirely but has hit the Moon, killing the exceptionally advanced race of Moon Men. Dinosaurs live on FOREVER!!!!
50,000 BC : For some reason Woolly Mammoths don't go extinct and continue to roam the Earth.
330 BC : With T-Rex cavalry, Alexander the Great conquers the Balkans and Asia! The Persians and their wussy normal cavalry didn't stand a chance!
328 BC : Alexander the Great dies from AIDs. His Empire is split between his four generals and twenty or so infant sons. His sons are extremely brilliant and have managed to defeat his generals in 5 random wars involving Barney and Spongebob!
324 BC : Alexander the Great's sons have conquered the entire Old World. But they get bored and sell the place to a random wanderer for a set of Barney plush toys. Said wanderer than gives the World away.
Everything goes on an usual until...
100 AD : The Roman Army is suddenly swapped with hot Anime girls! The Roman Emperor gets an instant hard on as he was watching them train. He immediately makes them ALL his concubines. The Roman Empire collapses a day later after every1 else realized they had no army. As a sign of protest, the anime girls throw away their clothes, they suddenly gain super powers and kill everyone else on Earth except the Romans. Fortunately, a few super babies escape Rome and repopulate the Earth.
350 AD : Life returns to normal. Only Rome with its huge army of nude Anime babes is ever different.
500 AD : Rome implodes as Generals begin fighting each other for power, money and the cheapest stuff! Rome is split into a hundred or so minor factions. Shopping malls are everywhere!
1200 AD : Vikings introduce poached salmon and fur boots!
1250 AD : Uber conservatives from Ireland begin an invasion of liberal Rome!
1300 AD : Conservatives lose as the last battle is a Three Round Rock-Paper-Scissors battle and they are terrible in said game.
1453 AD : Constantinople, Sin City of the World falls to the Conservative Horde. The Conservative Empire conquers the Liberal Roman Imperial Republic.
1500 AD : The telescope is accidetally invented by a random guy. People start spying on theri neighbors! Noone is safe!
1610 AD : While looking for the best discounts and prices, a shipload of Conservatives land in North America. They promptly name it, "Conservatopia! A land free from the Liberals!" The Aztecs got mad and summoned a Ng Jun Xiong from the year 2009 AD to help them. Jun Xiong introduces Xiongism! Long live Xiong!
1650 AD : The Conservatives colonize the wohole Earth execpt the Australian Liberals and Aztec Xiongists.
1690 AD : Conservatopia falls to the Aztecs! Xiongism is imposed on teh ev0l C0NseVatives5!!!!!!!!!!11 Jun Xiong is reincarnated into himself when he was 15.
1730 AD : Egyptians think, " Heck, why not?" and start construction of the pyramids.
1800 AD : A small fly ends up in the Conservative General Man Dictators soup, he accidentally eats the fly, which chokes him and kills him.
EDIT : CONTINUEATION!
1825 AD : With sheer awesomeness, The Communist Party conquers Eurasia!
1910 AD : Lenin marches into the office of the Conservative General Dictator Man and kills him with a banana!
1913 AD : The ASUUSSE ( Awesome Supreme Uber United Soviet States of Eurasia ) use the power of flying dinosaurs to bomb London to Hell. Literally. As the bombs fall, a great chasm suddnly opens up under London and drags it down to Hell!
1915 AD : With all of Europe under his toenail, Lenin demolishes every city in Europe and rebuilds them in honor of himself! Every city in Europe is renamed Leningrad! or Leninburg! or.... Leninistan! Europe is renamed the Supreme Continent of the Awesome Lenin!
1918 AD : While everyone is somehow focused on what was Europe, the Chinese break away and form the Sino-Wank Empire! They take Asia in exchange for Stalin. The ASUUSSE still keeps Siberia though as The Epic Super Wastes of The Awesome Supreme Ultra Super Mega Lenin!
1923 AD : The People's Republic of Cuba emerges in North America after several decades of being underwater to escape the Conservatives. They defeat the Aztecs with big bubble blowing machines!
1927 AD : Rome is reborn as time-travelling Romans bring back the Empire. They are shoved into Africa! The Epic Roman Empire is now the Epic Super Awesome Roman Empire of Afriiikaaaa!!!!
1935 AD : The Romans invade the Conservatives! The Conservative Empire falls! A million warlords roam the wastes looking for a decent pair of fur boots (No decent fur boots were made since the Vikings left in 1300 AD )
1940 AD : The ASUUSSE takes over Mongolia! The Sino-Wank Empire does not like this and with the help of Japanese Godzilla calvary, the Chinese push back the Awesome Supreme Soviets!
1957 AD : Somehow the Brirtish colony of Malaya emerges in this mess. With a banana and a mango, they are given independence! The Soviet Islamic Xenophobic Dictatorship of Malay Asia is born!
1960 AD : The SIMA invades The Monarch Kingdom of Siam. Unfortunately, the butterflies manage to eat the invading horde of 5 old men and 6 babies.
1965 AD : The isle of Singapore is renamed The Vacation Location of the Awesome Supreme Immortal Lenin!
1970 AD : Some guy throws a flower pot on Immortal Lenin's head. Unfortrunately, a combination of soil, fertilizer and ceramics is deadly to Lenin and he drops dead.
1973 AD : Some lunatic says heavier than air flight is possible. He is kicked out of the ASUUSSE. He then moves to SIMA. He is executed there thanks to his crazy ideas
1980 AD : An airship crashes into Singapore. Immortal Stalin is furious and using his growth powers he steps on Singapore! Literally! The SIMA invades the Sino-Wank Empire with floating Dinosaur Eggs! They are ultimately successful but over 1000 dino eggs end up as omelettes.
1994 AD : Billy the Kid is finally born! He wakes up and takes over the Hospital.
2000 AD : The first time machine is created! The Conservatives send Supreme Super Mega Ultra Mighty Troops back in time in an attempt to avoid this whole mess from ever happening.
65.5 Million Years ago : However, the Conservative's coordinates on the Time Machine were a little off. They land on the Asteroid that should kill the Dinosaurs. With much pushing and heaving, they manage to divert the Asteroids path to the Moon.
Soon after : The Conservatives land on the Moon and discover it is poplated by LIBERALS! They slaughter the Moon Men and claim the Moon as theirs. However, at that very moment, they run out of oxygen and they die.
History repeats itself
PART 1!
Prepare for the randomness!!!
Rated 18 SX
65.5 Million years ago : The asteroid that killed the dinosaurs has missed Earth entirely but has hit the Moon, killing the exceptionally advanced race of Moon Men. Dinosaurs live on FOREVER!!!!
50,000 BC : For some reason Woolly Mammoths don't go extinct and continue to roam the Earth.
330 BC : With T-Rex cavalry, Alexander the Great conquers the Balkans and Asia! The Persians and their wussy normal cavalry didn't stand a chance!
328 BC : Alexander the Great dies from AIDs. His Empire is split between his four generals and twenty or so infant sons. His sons are extremely brilliant and have managed to defeat his generals in 5 random wars involving Barney and Spongebob!
324 BC : Alexander the Great's sons have conquered the entire Old World. But they get bored and sell the place to a random wanderer for a set of Barney plush toys. Said wanderer than gives the World away.
Everything goes on an usual until...
100 AD : The Roman Army is suddenly swapped with hot Anime girls! The Roman Emperor gets an instant hard on as he was watching them train. He immediately makes them ALL his concubines. The Roman Empire collapses a day later after every1 else realized they had no army. As a sign of protest, the anime girls throw away their clothes, they suddenly gain super powers and kill everyone else on Earth except the Romans. Fortunately, a few super babies escape Rome and repopulate the Earth.
350 AD : Life returns to normal. Only Rome with its huge army of nude Anime babes is ever different.
500 AD : Rome implodes as Generals begin fighting each other for power, money and the cheapest stuff! Rome is split into a hundred or so minor factions. Shopping malls are everywhere!
1200 AD : Vikings introduce poached salmon and fur boots!
1250 AD : Uber conservatives from Ireland begin an invasion of liberal Rome!
1300 AD : Conservatives lose as the last battle is a Three Round Rock-Paper-Scissors battle and they are terrible in said game.
1453 AD : Constantinople, Sin City of the World falls to the Conservative Horde. The Conservative Empire conquers the Liberal Roman Imperial Republic.
1500 AD : The telescope is accidetally invented by a random guy. People start spying on theri neighbors! Noone is safe!
1610 AD : While looking for the best discounts and prices, a shipload of Conservatives land in North America. They promptly name it, "Conservatopia! A land free from the Liberals!" The Aztecs got mad and summoned a Ng Jun Xiong from the year 2009 AD to help them. Jun Xiong introduces Xiongism! Long live Xiong!
1650 AD : The Conservatives colonize the wohole Earth execpt the Australian Liberals and Aztec Xiongists.
1690 AD : Conservatopia falls to the Aztecs! Xiongism is imposed on teh ev0l C0NseVatives5!!!!!!!!!!11 Jun Xiong is reincarnated into himself when he was 15.
1730 AD : Egyptians think, " Heck, why not?" and start construction of the pyramids.
1800 AD : A small fly ends up in the Conservative General Man Dictators soup, he accidentally eats the fly, which chokes him and kills him.
EDIT : CONTINUEATION!
1825 AD : With sheer awesomeness, The Communist Party conquers Eurasia!
1910 AD : Lenin marches into the office of the Conservative General Dictator Man and kills him with a banana!
1913 AD : The ASUUSSE ( Awesome Supreme Uber United Soviet States of Eurasia ) use the power of flying dinosaurs to bomb London to Hell. Literally. As the bombs fall, a great chasm suddnly opens up under London and drags it down to Hell!
1915 AD : With all of Europe under his toenail, Lenin demolishes every city in Europe and rebuilds them in honor of himself! Every city in Europe is renamed Leningrad! or Leninburg! or.... Leninistan! Europe is renamed the Supreme Continent of the Awesome Lenin!
1918 AD : While everyone is somehow focused on what was Europe, the Chinese break away and form the Sino-Wank Empire! They take Asia in exchange for Stalin. The ASUUSSE still keeps Siberia though as The Epic Super Wastes of The Awesome Supreme Ultra Super Mega Lenin!
1923 AD : The People's Republic of Cuba emerges in North America after several decades of being underwater to escape the Conservatives. They defeat the Aztecs with big bubble blowing machines!
1927 AD : Rome is reborn as time-travelling Romans bring back the Empire. They are shoved into Africa! The Epic Roman Empire is now the Epic Super Awesome Roman Empire of Afriiikaaaa!!!!
1935 AD : The Romans invade the Conservatives! The Conservative Empire falls! A million warlords roam the wastes looking for a decent pair of fur boots (No decent fur boots were made since the Vikings left in 1300 AD
)1940 AD : The ASUUSSE takes over Mongolia! The Sino-Wank Empire does not like this and with the help of Japanese Godzilla calvary, the Chinese push back the Awesome Supreme Soviets!
1957 AD : Somehow the Brirtish colony of Malaya emerges in this mess. With a banana and a mango, they are given independence! The Soviet Islamic Xenophobic Dictatorship of Malay Asia is born!
1960 AD : The SI
MA invades The Monarch Kingdom of Siam. Unfortunately, the butterflies manage to eat the invading horde of 5 old men and 6 babies.1965 AD : The isle of Singapore is renamed The Vacation Location of the Awesome Supreme Immortal Lenin!
1970 AD : Some guy throws a flower pot on Immortal Lenin's head. Unfortrunately, a combination of soil, fertilizer and ceramics is deadly to Lenin and he drops dead.
1973 AD : Some lunatic says heavier than air flight is possible. He is kicked out of the ASUUSSE. He then moves to SI
MA. He is executed there thanks to his crazy ideas 1980 AD : An airship crashes into Singapore. Immortal Stalin is furious and using his growth powers he steps on Singapore! Literally! The SI
MA invades the Sino-Wank Empire with floating Dinosaur Eggs! They are ultimately successful but over 1000 dino eggs end up as omelettes.1994 AD : Billy the Kid is finally born! He wakes up and takes over the Hospital.
2000 AD : The first time machine is created! The Conservatives send Supreme Super Mega Ultra Mighty Troops back in time in an attempt to avoid this whole mess from ever happening.
65.5 Million Years ago : However, the Conservative's coordinates on the Time Machine were a little off. They land on the Asteroid that should kill the Dinosaurs. With much pushing and heaving, they manage to divert the Asteroids path to the Moon.
Soon after : The Conservatives land on the Moon and discover it is poplated by LIBERALS! They slaughter the Moon Men and claim the Moon as theirs. However, at that very moment, they run out of oxygen and they die.
History repeats itself
Last edited:
1812: The British Empire, having annihilated Napoleon and conquered the whole of Europe using it's devestating "We Are Britain, Therefore We Are God Incarnate, Master of The World and Universe Entire!" Doctrine by which the mere apperance of the Union Flag causes anyone NOT British looking at it to instantly devolve to the sophistication of cavemen, losing all concepts of human dignity, liberty, freedom and sense of self preservation and will to fight, conquers the United States when Wellington steps ashore (having walked on water to get there from the deck of HMS Victory) and waves the flag in the face of the citizens of Washington DC.
1812: Britain conquers the entirety of Latin America WITHOUT Wellington OR The Union Flag, but simply by floating the entire Royal Navy up to the shores of Central and South America and having the Royal Navy and Marines yell (all in one voice) "WE ARE BRITANIA! YOU CANNOT WIN! SURRENDER OR BE DESSTROYED BY OUR SHEAR AWESOMENESS!"
1812: The British Empire conquers the whole of Russia when Wellington singlehandedly strikes down the entire Russian Army AND The Russian Winter with a single stroke of his sword.
1813: Britain takes a nap. While dreaming of conquest, she conquers the whole of Arabia.
1814: At the sight of a lost British merchant vessel, the entirety of China surrenders to Britain.
1814: Wellington sails HMS Victory across the Japanese islands and waves the Union Flag while singing "Jereusalem". All Japanese men immediately wet themselves and beg a thousand and one pardons for ever not being British.
1815: Wellington marches to the center of India with two Royal marines. The whole of India suddenly speaks english and converts to Anglicanism. India begs Wellington never to leave them and stay as their rightful God-King. Wellington declines and says something witty.
1816: Wellington marches into Afghanistan completely unarmed and naked. Within an hour, every Afghan has surrendered and converted to Britaniaism.
1817: The future Queen Victoria visits Persia and forces total capitulation by showing up and growling really loud.
1820: By force of sheer will and the power of Britaniaism, Victoria turns Africa into a massive replica of the Garden of Eden. The inhabitants immediately accept British rule for fear that The White Earth Goddess will smite them if they don't.
1825: Queen Victoria sneezes and turns the Great Austrailian Desert into one massive, lush rolling field giving Britains a place to ride their polo ponies when NOT being awesome.
1830: Wellington and Victoria master trans-Einsteinian Physics and conquer the entire galaxy by transmitting a single thought to every intelligent creature in the Milky Way: "WE ARE BRITAIN, DAMMIT!"
1850: Victoria becomes The True Master of The Universe as she conquers it in it's entirety when all civilizations everywhere come to the realization that no matter how advanced they may seem, they will never be as powerful or awesome as Britania.
2009: The entity of Britania challenges God for ultimate supremacy of all that is.
Of course, God loses.
IT'S BRITANIA!!!
1812: Britain conquers the entirety of Latin America WITHOUT Wellington OR The Union Flag, but simply by floating the entire Royal Navy up to the shores of Central and South America and having the Royal Navy and Marines yell (all in one voice) "WE ARE BRITANIA! YOU CANNOT WIN! SURRENDER OR BE DESSTROYED BY OUR SHEAR AWESOMENESS!"
1812: The British Empire conquers the whole of Russia when Wellington singlehandedly strikes down the entire Russian Army AND The Russian Winter with a single stroke of his sword.
1813: Britain takes a nap. While dreaming of conquest, she conquers the whole of Arabia.
1814: At the sight of a lost British merchant vessel, the entirety of China surrenders to Britain.
1814: Wellington sails HMS Victory across the Japanese islands and waves the Union Flag while singing "Jereusalem". All Japanese men immediately wet themselves and beg a thousand and one pardons for ever not being British.
1815: Wellington marches to the center of India with two Royal marines. The whole of India suddenly speaks english and converts to Anglicanism. India begs Wellington never to leave them and stay as their rightful God-King. Wellington declines and says something witty.
1816: Wellington marches into Afghanistan completely unarmed and naked. Within an hour, every Afghan has surrendered and converted to Britaniaism.
1817: The future Queen Victoria visits Persia and forces total capitulation by showing up and growling really loud.
1820: By force of sheer will and the power of Britaniaism, Victoria turns Africa into a massive replica of the Garden of Eden. The inhabitants immediately accept British rule for fear that The White Earth Goddess will smite them if they don't.
1825: Queen Victoria sneezes and turns the Great Austrailian Desert into one massive, lush rolling field giving Britains a place to ride their polo ponies when NOT being awesome.
1830: Wellington and Victoria master trans-Einsteinian Physics and conquer the entire galaxy by transmitting a single thought to every intelligent creature in the Milky Way: "WE ARE BRITAIN, DAMMIT!"
1850: Victoria becomes The True Master of The Universe as she conquers it in it's entirety when all civilizations everywhere come to the realization that no matter how advanced they may seem, they will never be as powerful or awesome as Britania.
2009: The entity of Britania challenges God for ultimate supremacy of all that is.
Of course, God loses.
IT'S BRITANIA!!!
- Status