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The unknown country of Thandistan (or Thandalistan), among the mountains between China, Nepal and Bhutan, is the world's largest source of elastic. The British wish to obtain Thandalistan as a protectorate in order to use this elastic to make elastic redcoat uniforms against which foreign bullets will simply bounce off. Yet Thandalistan conceals many dark secrets…
Thande: Sir Thomas Ribb-Tikkler Thande, one of Her Majesty's intelligence agents, undercover as a valet on the SS Pondicherry. Heads the expedition to Thandalistan.
MrP: The lunatic surgeon-physician Mister Oestrogen Pee, MD, FRCS, FRCP. Violent francophobe and friend of Flocc. Part of the expedition.
Flocculencio: Colonel Phileas Flocc, erstwhile commanding officer of the 5th Rajputana Rifles. Part of the expedition.
Abdul Hadi Pasha: Captain Abdul Hadi Pasha of the Ottoman Zeppelin Corps. Renegade airship captain.
Faeelin: Captain Abdul's curiously sarcastic Pekinese lapdog.
Aozhouhuaren: Hendryk's Chinese/Australian sidekick.
Hendryk: French warlord in southwestern China. Has two beautiful concubines from French Indochina called Phuc Mi and Phuc Yu. Old friend of Thande and Abdul.
Doctor What: Father Bruno What, a clergyman defrocked for his activity with the nuns. Expert on lesbians. Assistant of Dr Leo in his archaeological excavations in Thandalistan.
Leo Caesius: Doctor Leo Caesius of the North American Academy of Foreign Stuff. In Thandalistan performing archaeological excavations, but his superstitious native bearers have deserted him.
The Dean: Lieutenant Colonel The Reverend Dean Martin, padre to the ill-fated British expedition to capture Thandistan back in ’76. Important in the prisoner-of-war camp in the Thandali capital.
Jason: A POW in the prison camp and friend of the Dean.
Cyrrylia: St Cyril the Inherent, ancient Thandalese woodland saint of private and public property. Smites down any who misuse his private (and yet public) property.
Beauhooligan: Mister Boo Hoo Hooligan. A suit-clad man with a stove pipe hat, a grey beard, a guitar slung on his back, and a small wooden trailer with squeaking pram wheels pulled behind him. Rescues Leo and Doc from the curse of Cyril using his hallucinogenic snuff. Ex-US Navy, jumped ship from the USS Endoscope in Yokohama.
Torqumada: An American medic in the POW camp, currently making a clay statue of his perfect woman, but has run out of clay when it came to doing the torso.
Glen: Another American medic in the POW camp.
The Bald Imposter: King Baldie the Cugly, ruler of Thandalistan. Wears a ceremonial Viking costume and his stronghold is modelled on Valhalla.
Nekromans: Page Nek, Baldie's servant.
The Mists of Time: A Baldian priest in Baldie's household. Made a seven-foot-tall statue of the Triple Goddess of Thandistan, but ran out of clay before he got to doing the tail and udders.
hypern: A mad prophet kept in a cage by Baldie, who writes badly-spelled prophecies in chalk on a slab of pavement.
Landshark: Baldie's chief torturer.
VulcanTrekkie45: Landshark's asssistant.
The Gingerons: A race driven underground by Baldie in ages past.