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Fellatio Nelson

Fellatio Nelson is an active member (oo-er) in Chat; indeed, he is among the vanguard of the resident Gaysexualists (a.k.a. The Sinister Gay Agenda) on AH.Com.

The Gaysexualists are currently engaged a remorseless, sweaty, moonlight-dappling-their-muscular-frames tag-team wrestling match against the Heterosexual Reconquista, which is led by a drunk, horny-helmeted viking American soldier called The Bald Imposter and the Yorkshire Separatist, Thande.

Fellatio also contributes to other parts of the Forum… but I can't quite remember what… sometimes he adds some stuff about ships and the Royal Navy.

Frequently has his “copyright infringed” by certain “unauthorised” members - see Nek - who cannot get enough of his buff physique and matinee-idol looks. They seek to download his craven image for singularly nefarious purposes.

Also creator of “Homoendo” (TM); the trademarked construct used as short-hand for “Homosexual Innuendo”.

His hobbies include exploring the 'Welsh hinterland': see Kit and looking at pictures of Matt Damon.

Surprisingly, thanks to a youthful encounter with an Italian lady known only as 'Signora Whatshername', Fell has considerably more experience with such matters than most of the users on the board.


Ubiquitously, “Fell”; or otherwise “Sexy Bugger”.


- Oo-er!

- Do you do it doggy-doggy?

- Dogs' Cocks

- I am touched. Frequently. Right there. Yup, that's it. There.

- Having “(in a good/nice/bad/nasty way)” appended to a statement to grant greater understanding.

Claims to Fame

Inadvertently found and named the nation state of Sudanasia whilst drunk late one night, during the course of an investigation to determine whether Floid was, in fact, the television chef-cum-drinker (oo-er) Keith Floyd. It has since transpired that Floid is the Sudanases half-brother of said British chef.

Also discovered that Romulus Augustulus is actually Borat; a man famed for his boundless “Boratitude” (TM), which has yet to be fully defined.

Developed the term 'cugly', as shorthand for Cute/Ugly; namely, those individuals whose facial features would at first glance make them seem plain, average or downright ugly - especially if they were they to let themselves go - yet, examined together, create an extraordinarily alluring combination that makes them more sexy than ostensibly “beautiful” people.

Baldianism - Professor F(uscia) Nelson recently forwarded to his nephew Fellatio - by way of his alledged sister Felicity (or 'Flick') - the results of a recent academic pot-holing expedition in darkest Peru. Having entered one cave shortly after a group of schoolchildren armed with crayons had departed, Prof. Nelson discovered a crude rendering of The Bald Imposter, which he dated to prehistoric times. Hence Fellatio, who bears an uncanny similarity to Baldie in almost all respects, instigated the veneration of the said Horny Montanan Mountain Man (in a good way, not a gay way, although… - no, definitely not in a gay way - because that would border on the incestuous).

Member nicknames

Along with Landshark, Fell's known for unilaterally bestowing nicknames on members (especially new members) which often catch on. These are usually based on supposed misreadings of the member's real name.


Ian Winterbottom for Iamwinterborn

Ela D. Rimstar for Eladrimstar

Boo Hoo Hooligan for Beauhooligan

Nekropher O'Mans for Nekromans

Hazel for Hazazel

Lorna Doone for ljd767

P Diddy for MrP

Ab-dabs for Abdul Hadi Pasha

Dr Charles for Leo Caesius

Wanda for Wanderlust

Vegan Snacker (on trials, pending acceptance) - VulcanTrekkie45

Susan O for Susano and Robert O for Roberto (see House of O)

Chronic Frog - Chrono's Fog

Don Cecily - The Sicilian

Aozheureadjfdfa(whatever!) - Aozhouhuaren

Toolhead - Tielhard

Slaphead - The Bald Imposter (in the early days)

SatanGloves - Evilmittens

Boardwalk - boredatwork

Aardvark - Azardin

Ivan Jellical - Mr.Evangelical

Humongous - Hermanubis

Pervy Hoodie - Dr Pervez Hoodbhoy


Contrary to expections, Fellatio Nelson is married to a buxom Devonshire lass called Emma Hamilton. They have three children between the ages of 3 and 6, Full Nelson, Half Nelson and Nelson Mandela Nelson, and depend on the pittance Fell is paid by Her Britannic Majesty's Government to keep them in Turkey Twizzlers and Ritalin.


- Some stuff about Pirates; “Fellatio's Rough Riders”; something about Sherlock Homo, but can't quite recall; and the adventures of “HMS Gimp Throttler”. Latterly embarked upon a massively immensely huge story called Dial M for Elastic, which is on 'hiatus' at present since I'm rather busy. Also started A Pirate Novella. Recently began a new story called “Red Porn Rising”, a spoof of Tom Clancy's Endwar style daft military confrontations between IslamoCommie Russia and the Western alliance (see also FH Cliches)

Baldian Smileyology

According to Baldian Smileyology, Fell is associated with the :D smiley. Politics

Fell is a member of the Cabinet as a representative of the party he founded which interestingly enough is called Ppppppppppppppppppppppparty. He holds the post of Minister of Bridled Enjoyment since he didn't want to fall off his mount.

Family History

It was recently revealed by Doctorandus Thande that Fell's martial forebears had been involved in one of Britain's most crucial military operations.

“Little known fact, Fell's grandfather was the SAS commando who stole Hitler's other one in the secretive Operation Blunted Spear. Since then it's been passed down through the family from generation to generation.”

In Fiction

As well as featuring in his own works, Fell has appeared in a variety of roles in the The Series as well as Luaky Commer and Wars.

offtopic/fellatio_nelson.txt · Last modified: 2020/02/06 22:27 by eofpi