Like their Limey counterparts across the pond, the Politiyanks have developed some of their own traditions and running jokes.
Bernie Sanders is the Democratic Ron Paul: Like Ron Paul during the 2008 and 2012 election cycles, there seems to be little middle ground concerning Bernie Sanders. He's either the greatest candidate for the American left since ever or is a cancer upon the Democratic Party for not officially joining them. Though it's mostly between Turquoise Blue and AYC (pro-Bernie) vs. Kaiser K and Nofix (anti-Bernie). But see Red Skies, Politiyank's Warning for a recent development that affects this running joke.
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The John Kasich Fan Club: Kingpoleon's obsession with Governor John Kasich of Ohio led many to conclude that he's the founding, presiding, and only member of the John Kasich Fan Club, and possibly John Kasich himself. Club has disbanded upon Kingpoleon's banning.
Lani Polu: Turquoise Blue is obsessed with Hawaii, and fervently desires its independence and the restoration of the Kingdom, despite not having been there in her entire life. This annoys some people, but others find it harmless.
Ronald Reagan is Literally Satan and Hitler's Lovechild: Ronald Reagan isn't that popular amongst the left-leaning members of the board, but Kaiser K takes it to a whole new level. Whenever Reagan is mentioned, Kaiser K can be counted on to state outright and vociferously that he was the worst President ever in terms of morality and accomplishments, worse than the usually accepted candidates of James Buchanan and Andrew Johnson. Some of Reagan's usual detractors have found themselves defending him purely on the basis he wasn't that bad.
Lyndon Johnson: BonnieBlue85 is seriously in love with this Texan. Insult him at your own risk. However, don't be surprised if she gets annoyed at him, because, sometimes, he can be an asshole.
Incompetent Local Democrats: A favorite topic of Kaiser K and Zioneer are their insanely horrible and/or weak state-level Democratic Parties (Florida and Utah Democrats respectively). On the reverse end though many California-based Democrats take joy in the incompetency and fall from grace of the California Republican Party.
Tricky Dick Nicks all the Chicks: Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon is inexplicably popular with the female Politiyanks, particularly Democratic ones. They seem to agree that when he was young, he was quite attractive. Related to He's Our Bastard.
He May be a Bastard, but He's Our Bastard!: Richard Nixon is seen as someone who “gets things done”, unlike the present obstructionist Congress and ineffective President Obama. Thus he's popular with some Politiyanks (oddly enough, mostly Democratic ones) who wants government to actually do something and not be on the brink all the damn time. Nixon's detractors don't remain silent in criticism of him though.
Bernie Sanders is a Toothpaste Salesman: Bernie Sanders's campaign logo strongly resembles the logo for Aquafresh toothpaste, so Bernie must be moonlighting as a toothpaste salesman. According to Zimmerwald1915, his pitch is “Bernie: for when your gums bleed Red.” A subset of 2016 Campaign Logos.
Rick Scott is Skeletor: The oft-proclaimed worst governor in the history of Florida is extremely freaky looking. His balding head, piercing blue eyes, and pale skin bear an uncanny resemblance to Lord Voldemort or, failing that, to the perennial enemy of He-Man.
Why is the Thread Moving So Fast?: Dating back to the early days of the first General Thread, we are all alarmed at how fast the thread is moving despite absolutely nothing happening in actual politics, to the point where the posts pile up faster than the Polibrits'. Everybody shudders in horror how fast the thread will be when the debates start heating up. It turns out, these fears were well-founded.
Archangel Michael Didn't Read Any of That: When the thread goes off topic and tens of pages are created in a matter of hours, Archangel will come to the thread and post a .gif of hip-hip politicians with the caption “didn't read any of that”
Wisconsin is a Dictatorship: Everybody is convinced that Scott Walker rules Wisconsin as a dictator, and plans to invade to liberate the state of Illinois (mainly the Chicagoans). Of course, packmanwiscy is in denial, stating that Walker is a puppet and Aaron Rodgers is the true leader of Wisconsin. Nonetheless, everybody still maintains that Walker needs to be stopped. For some reason no one ever mentions Michigan, which is an actual dictatorship with irredentist claims on Indiana and Ohio.
Hey, Actual Politics: Whenever the thread goes off-topic for a few pages and someone eventually brings up a news story actually related to American politics, there will inevitably be a comment(s) on how it's something about politics in the American politics thread.
My Secret Identity: It seems that at one point or another every poster has been accused of secretly being a famous political figure. These range from the (semi-)rational, such as Kaiser K being Walter Mondale (Reagan Hate) or Kingpoleon being John Kasich, to such lows as packmanwiscy being Dan Quayle.
Beyond Reagandome: Every now then it's expressed that certain political problems (Republican debates or selecting Supreme Court Justices) should be solved via gladiator combat in a Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome style coliseum. When it comes to Republican debates it will usually be called Reagandome.
Kaiser K the Great Quote Robber: Kaiser K tends to repeat what previous posters have already posted before. Some just think it's just a coincidence or a result of the fast moving nature of the thread is that she doesn't see it before she posts. Others think she is just blatantly copying what they say to increase her post count.
Agent Greenback: The Campaign of Donald Trump: Certain posters have theorized the idea that Donald Trump is a double agent in the Republican primary, sent by the Democrats to wreak havoc on already out of control circus. As of now (October 2015), it seems to be going rather well as he is in the lead but appears to have stalled somewhat.
Senator Dreamboat The nickname given to Martin Heinrich, the young-ish Senator from New Mexico and potential VP candidate, by more than few forum members (usually Archangel Michael). Being named the sixth most beautiful Congressperson has helped his cause. We'll let you decide for yourself.
Joe Biden for VP 2016: Everybody seems disappointed that Joe Biden [Insert Your Favorite Biden Nickname Here] will most likely not continue to be the Vice-President when President Obama finally leaves. So some have suggested making Biden Vice-President for life. Whether or not this is an upgrade or downgrade has yet to be determined.
Wendell Willkie: American Politicial Maverick and International Ladies' Man: The largely forgotten, in the public eye, Republican nominee for President in 1940 against Franklin Roosevelt has become something of a point of interest to some Politiyanks (Turquoise Blue). Most notably for being the Republican nominee despite never having held political office before, attempting to establish a new liberal political party with Franklin Roosevelt, and for being the alleged lover of Chiang Kai-Shek's wife.
The Republican Party's Republic of Utah: The dominance of the Republican Party in Utah in almost all of it's elections (Presidential, Gubernatorial, Congressional, and local elections) has led to many proclaiming it a one-party state dictatorship and the Utah Democrats are only kept around to keep up the appearance of democracy to outsiders. Related to Incompetent Local Democrats.
The Aliases of Kaiser K Related to My Secret Identity, Kaiser K is apparently Donald Trump, Scott Walker's Communication Chief, Walter Mondale, Sam Rayburn, Joe Lieberman, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, and Harry Reid, along with her transgender bisexual self. All at the same time
Al Gore is Still Not Running For President: Some in the media seem to be obsessed with a mythical second Al Gore presidential campaign and the idea has been brought up in almost every election since 2000. Unsurprisingly this never happens and whenever the news is brought up around an election cycle it is shot down. Name is based off the SNL joke about the how the media over-reporting on Spanish dictator, Francisco Franco's declining health and death back in the 70s.
Brokered Conventions: Something else the US media is obsessed with and claims will happen every primary season, but never does. A common joke is to combine their two favourite things by suggesting Al Gore will be made the nominee at a brokered convention.
420 Blaze It: On page 420 of every thread, someone, usually DTanza, posts a weed gif in honor.
Florida Whipping Boy: The Sunshine State is the subject of ridicule by many for a variety of reasons; it's Governor, the weakness of Florida Democrats, it's inability to seemingly handle a Presidential election. This is all much to the dismay of Floridian members, they can't deny it though. Proposals to solving it's problems are usually either sell it back to Spain or demote it Territory status.
Lincoln Chafee, Stealth Candidate: Lincoln Chafee's quixotic run for the Democratic nomination has left him so low-profile and obscure that it's often joked that he himself forgets who he is and that he's running. Ironically, his very obscurity has made him a commonly referenced running gag on the threads, more so than other minor candidates.
Francis Chafee: A comment by Wilcoxchar that Lincoln Chafee bares a resemblance to Francis Urquhart from House of Cards has lead to
Georgepatton posting images of Chafee giving edited Francis Urquhart speeches. The posts in question;
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3,
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6,
7,
Ross Perot, Leader of The Expendables: Arising from Fenwick discussing how Perot had hired mercenaries to rescue two of his company's workers from revolutionary Iran.
Doctor What Lost His Virginity To Hillary Clinton: While others were posting photos of the candidates when they were younger, Doc noticed not only a resemblance to the lady in question but also that she would be the right age. This story refused to die and it was later dredged up that Clinton had been involved with a law firm that had an affiliate based in the right city at the right time.
Elizabeth Warren Is Also Still Not Running For President: As with the Al Gore example, the US media are convinced the Massachusetts Senator is definitely running for President (or will possibly be Joe Biden's VP), however Warren also has a group of creepy stalkerish fans both on the internet and in real life who beg her to run, and every time she says no they appear not to hear. The joke is often phrased in the form of 'Warren does something unrelated - commentators agree presidential run imminent'.
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“If Elected I Pledge To Eat President Obama's Children”: Thande's nickname for how Republican candidates who were expected to be strong candidates–but are actually polling in single figures in part due to the media focus on Donald Trump–desperately try to get some media attention by saying outrageously offensive things they think the base will like.
Kaiser K Posts An Insane Amount: Kaiser K. is the most frequent poster on the Poliyank threads. According to numbers run by packmanwiscy she has more posts in a single thread than anyone in the history of AH.com (and has topped herself multiple times), while according to numbers run by Napoleon IV a little over 10% of posts in the Poliyank threads were written by her. This has led members to discussing things such as getting Kaiser K. kicked so that the thread might move at a slower rate (somewhat related to “Why Is This Thread Moving So Fast?”) or asking her to slow down. Since Kaiser has taken a leave of absence due to illness, the speed of the thread has not slowed down, so it can only be concluded that it was not her fault.
John Ellis Bush Exclamation Point: The campaign logo of one John Ellis Bush - better known by name Jeb Bush, has become a sort of a running joke in Politiyank culture, it features Jeb's first name followed by a large exclamation point, which has led to said logo not only being the butt of many jokes; but has also led many members to refer to Bush as “Jeb!” rather then Jeb or Bush. Related to 2016 Campaign Logos.
Deli Man:
Fenwick's nickname for his current Representative, and House Majority leader, Kevin McCarthy. Based on the fact that he used to own and run a Deli shop after winning the lottery when he was younger.
Fake Biden Presidential Announcements: Some Politiyanks have decided to poke fun at the constant media speculation surrounding Vice President Joe Biden and whether he will enter the 2016 Presidential Race or not by posting fake/mock announcements relating to Biden and his supposed presidential aspirations, usually involving an edited article and fake link that redirects to something else unrelated.
This Is Clearly Terrible News for X: Arising partly out of the trend of positive news about Hillary Clinton being buried under dramatic headlines and “bad news” in the news media, some Politiyanks have come to often invoke the title of this sarcastically whenever a good piece of news about a candidate is posted.
Politiyanks as Politicians: Not to be confused with My Secret Identity, it is a common passtime on slow news days for posters to construct timelines featuring long strings of fellow posters elected on fictitious tickets, or cabinets with themselves as President and other posters as their Secretaries. Zimmerwald1915 is annoyed whenever people include him, insisting that him holding political office is ASB. Naturally, this has led no one to stop.
Red Skies, Politiyank's Warning: On October 16, 2015 GMT time (which
concidentially is TB's 20th birthday), some anti-Bernie Politiyanks such as
Abhakhazia,
Nofix, etc. declared that they actually like him after all, and would vote for him over many Republicans.
Cola Politics: A discussion arising around the various regional terminology for soda led to many creating analogies for the parties and factions to various soft drink products. Republicans being Coca Cola, Democrats being Pepsi, Vanilla Coke being New England Republicans, etc.
John Boehner, Forever Speaker: Due to the seeming inability (at least, at the time of this writing on October 21, 2015) of the Republican Party to quell an insurgency by the House Freedom Caucus and elect a candidate to succeed current Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner in his position, some members have come to suggest that Boehner will be forced to remain on as the Speaker beyond his original October resignation date and through at least the beginning of the New Year. Others have suggested that Boehner will remain Speaker forever, ruling over the House for all of eternity.
John Boehner, God Emperor and Dropper of Blood: Related to John Boehner, Forever Speaker, Taking the idea of Boehner remaining on as Speaker forever, some members have suggested that the stress of the job and built up anger from years of internal torment and being forced to stay on will eventually force Boehner to the point of madness; upon which he will his the Speaker's gavel as both a weapon against his enemies; and a way to cement the total absolute control he will then assume over Congress (and eventually America) as a result of it.
Martha Coakley, Ultimate Loser: After Democratic candidate Martha Coakley lost two elections in deep-blue Massachusetts to longshot Republicans (Scott Brown and Charlie Baker) it has been customary to act as though she causes any safe Democratic campaign to crumble to dust if she gets anywhere near it.
Gif Parties: Every now and then, someone replies to someone's gif response to an event or statement, with ANOTHER gif, which sometimes lead to “Gif Parties” where replies are completely or mostly gifs.
Pollsters Overestimate Democrats: Despite many national and local polls being done by several organizations of some repute, there has been a dearth mistakes by pollsters who always seem to think Democrats will perform better than they end up doing. See Martha Coakley as an example.
AH.com Mean Girls: After
Abhakhazia told Kaiser K and Turquoise Blue to watch Mean Girls (mainly to get K to stop posting for an hour and a half), they both enthusiastically embraced the movie and post gifs from it consistently. This led to Abhakhazia putting herself in as Regina George in the Conservative Club Hunger Games simulator, and the joke has since expanded to include Upvoteanthology as Cady Heron.
Star Wars Politicans: Following
Kaiser K having claimed she had never seen Star Wars before, the Politics Thread rapidly shifted to discuss Star Wars. So far, the confirmed list for Star Wars politicians is at; Jacen Solo-Alan Grayson, Jaina Solo-Susan Collins, Anakin Solo-Lindsey Graham, Grand Admiral Thrawn-Colin Powell, Admiral Ackbar-John McCain, Lando Calrissian-Joe Lieberman, Darth Revan-George Wallace, Imperial Remnant-Politibrits, Tea Party-Yuuzhan Vong, Obi-Wan Kenobi-Bernie Sanders, Luke Skywalker-Elizabeth Warren, Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader-Hillary Clinton, Exar Kun-Ronald Reagan
Gerrymandermania:Some of our more gifted mapmakers have made attempts to produce the most balently partisan House Districts possible.
DEMOGRAPHICS: Based off the trend of pundits stating (somewhat accurately) that US demographic trends will favour the Democratic Party (so long as minorities continue to vote Democratic…) as the United States becomes majority-minority. Many posters have responded to any criticism of the Democratic Party's strategies with the mantra of DEMOGRAPHICS, posting maps where huge swathes of the Sun Belt and Mountain West will be solid blue by the 2020s. Republicans often counter with the fact that Mormons are the fastest growing demographic and are becoming more Republican, and the GOP will be the true winners of DEMOGRAPHICS
Democratic Idaho: Related to DEMOGRAPHICS, this comes from a recent
Jay Roosevelt timeline where Idaho narrowly goes Democratic in the 2024 Presidential election. Often paired with Republican Minnesota.
God-Emperor Jerry Brown: Many Californian Politiyanks prefer a continued Brown administration over any other potential Democratic future governors such as Gavin Newsom, leading to a desire for an eternal Brown government to cleanse us of our sins. The possibility of California taking over Puerto Rico in response to the Commonwealth's financial troubles has also lead to Brown being referred to as “Jerry of the House of Brown, King on the Sacramento Throne, Lord of NorCal and SoCal, Protector of California and of Puerto Rico.
Debbie: Debbie Wasserman Shultz, the DNC Chair, is despised by everybody on the thread due to her incompetence and scheduling debates and other notable activities when nobody will watch, like the weekend before Christmas or during the College Football National Championship Game.
Second Choice O'Malley: Due to the increasing hostility between Clinton and Sanders supporters, and his recent success in debates according to the politiyanks, O'Malley seems to have become everybody's second choice. But nobody actually has the gall to vote for him, because that's like giving a vote to the enemy.
“My Father was a Mailman..”: It has been noticed by the Politiyanks that Ohio Governor John Kasich has the tendency to do one of four things when asked a question during a Republican debate - mention that he is from Ohio - mention that he helped balanced the budget during the Clinton Administration - mention that he once flew on Reagan's Air Force One - and mention that his father was a mailman and that his grandfather was a coal miner; this tendency has of course led to widespread mocking and jokes made at the expense of the Governor.
Paul Ryan Is Also Not Running For President: Like Al Gore and Elizabeth Warren, Paul Ryan is constantly speculated to be thrown into the Presidency, either by running for the GOP nomination, becoming the candidate via broken convention compromise candidate, or elected POTUS after tied electoral votes throws voting to the House.
Nebraska Democrats are Teenage Girls from an Anime: While it is more of a minor running joke then anything, the Politiyanks have often joked (usually at Archangel Michael's expense) that Democrats from the State of Nebraska are really teenage girls from a Japanese anime series. This is inevitably followed by someone making a joke about Free Silver, because Bryan.
Democrats For Haslam: Conceding that a future Republican President is inevitable at some point, the Democratic politiyanks have expressed support for it being Tennessee's moderate Governor, Bill Haslam, citing the fact that, unlike the current crop of candidates, he isn't stark raving mad.
The Secret Natalie Portman Fan Club: To the surprise of a few, the Politiyanks reached bipartisan agreement the night before the 2016 Iowa Caucuses that actress Natalie Portman is the finest woman of the last twenty years. A slew of .gifs cemented her place as the dream girl of many members.
Obama Knows Exactly What He's Doing: We want to dispel the notion once and for all that Obama doesn't know what he is doing. Obama knows exactly what he's doing. (Explanation: that time that Marco Rubio failed so badly at not acting like a robot in a debate that he repeated the same canned line four times in the space of a few minutes.) Rubio's legendarily awful performance in the debate before the New Hampshire primary is sure to become a POD for many timelines in the future.
EMAAAAAAAAIIIILLSSSSSS: Mockery of the endless sort-of quasi-almost-scandal that is the GOP's obsession with Hillary Clinton's emails.
Colorado Hates Hillary: Due to a poll from way back in 2008 showing Hillary Clinton doing poorly in Colorado, it's common knowledge that she's doomed to lose any election there for the rest of time. That she lost the 2016 Democratic caucus in that state to Bernie Sanders has confirmed the truth of Colorado's hatred for all time.
The Inevitable Julian Castro: It's assumed by many that, after winning the nomination, Hillary Clinton will choose HUD Secretary Julian Castro as her running mate. Just as inevitable as Castro himself are debates about whether he's actually qualified, whether nominating him is nothing but the cynical identity politics that the GOP is accused of for hyping Rubio, and DTanza lamenting that if Hillary is going to have a Hispanic running mate, Xavier Becerra would be better.
Victories for Gilmore: There is an odd obsession with the strange hopeless Presidential campaign of former Virginia governor Jim Gilmore. After Gilmore said every vote for him in the primaries was a victory, it became common to refer to Gilmore's extremely low vote totals as him having received ”[number] victories“. The suspension of his campaign was met with much sorrow from both Republicans and Democrats.
Doctor What's Couch: The presumed Canadian destination/refugee station for all left-wing Politiyanks when their outsized doomsayings inevitably come to pass. Actually a very old meme that goes way back to discussion about the 2004 presidential election when AH.com was new.
Chris Christie Held Hostage: After dropping out of the race, Chris Christie endorsed Donald Trump and introduced him for his victory speech on Super Tuesday. Christie's horrified, pained expression as he stood silently behind Trump has been the subject of much mockery and led to claims that Trump is holding Governor Christie hostage.
Newt Gingrich In Space: Even the most left-wing politiyank space nerds love Newt Gingrich's pro-space policies, specifically his support for a moon base.
The Cuomo-Newsom Axis of Death: Exaggerated (and much bemoaned by DTanza) fears of the Democratic party becoming dominated by soulless pro-business “silicon valley” centrists, personified by New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and California Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom.
Phantom Cough: Since Ben Carson obnoxiously coughed during a debate in December, there have been several jokes about unseen coughing during debates. packmanwiscy is frequently seen during debates keeping a running track of phantom coughs. When the amount of phantom coughs start to become annoyingly noticeable, members comment on how the cough is doing better than Jeb Bush in national polling or something like that
DTanza is a Therapist: DTanza often comments after a debate or primary or something notable in the news that he will be flooded with PM's of people wanting to talk to him.
The FDP: During the endless complaints about the incompetence of Florida Democrats, people started referring to them as the FDP (Florida Democratic Party), which lead to many jokes about how the Florida Democrats are contesting seats in Germany now, as that is also the acronym for Germany's Free Democratic Party.
Transhumanist Rick Perry : Inspired by a dystopic election game run by
The Red, posters often make jokes about how Rick Perry will take powerful drugs, become an anarchist transhumanist, and turn himself into a nanobot cloud who wants to take over the world.
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