I was asked by
@Otakuninja2006 to guest write a post for TL-2K23. Here is that post. Yours truly,
@THEKINGFISH217
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a CNN Breaking News report.......
BLITZER: Good afternoon, I'm Wolf Blitzer here with news regarding developments at the children's cable network - Nickelodeon. We have just received a leak that
SpongeBob Squarepants is to be cancelled soon. The popular children's cartoon show has proven wildly popular since its premiere back in 1999, entertaining children and adults alike. Things however have taken a troubling turn for the network lately, as they network has come under fire for its policies regarding its animated shows. Recently, the popular cartoon I
nvader Zim was unexpectedly cancelled, while a show in development called
Constant Payne was pulled from development. Now ladies and gentlemen, these creators have fought back against this unprecedented action, with many taking back the rights to their shows.
Invader Zim's rights were bought back by Jhonen Vasquez, as did creator Micah Wright with
Constant Payne. But several of them have not won anything. And joining us live on the phone is
Spongebob creator Stephen Hillenburg. Glad to see you.
HILLENBURG: Glad to see you too, Blitz.
BLITZER: Now Mr. Hillenburg, you've voiced your grievances with Nickelodeon staff in the past, is that correct?
HILLENBURG: That's right. Quite frankly, I'm tired of being bullied by these out-of-touch assholes that always act like the smallest thing is a thorn in their side. They've got angry at Mitch [Schauer] in the past for trying to make his show say "shut up", and then they've threatening to pull the plug on his show because they didn't like his idea of a grand finale. I mean, for crying out loud, did I slip through a time warp back to 1975 - where cartoons can never say "die" and always have to teach some cereal box lesson?
BLITZER: That is a first, Hillenburg. Now do you plan to move your show to a different network?
HILLENBURG: (brief silence) For me, not really. I kinda want to go out while I'm still flying high. I mean - I'm still angry at Nick for how horribly they're treating their staff, but at least my show doesn't go on forever and ever like
The Simpsons.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, In Downtown Manhattan......
Les Moonves had just finished another day managing Viacom as one of the major media companies of Hollywood. With such a stressful job, one must indulge in some comfort and relaxation. He had thought about retreating to one of the companies' spa resorts a couple of miles away, able to wash the burden of capitalism off his back. But first, he had to check how his stocks were doing. Grabbing the television remote of his office, he swiftly surfed through the some 500 cable channels at his disposal. However, there was one channel were he briefly recognized the voice of. So he went back to that channel. And he heard
them:
HILLENBURG: I’m just saying - Nickelodeon and Viacom are a bunch of greedy, certified
hacks.
BARTLETT: They aren’t the clowns, they’re
the entire circus.
Moonves was completely livid. “Those little punks dare defy my rules,” he growled to himself. The sleazy executive felt his entire fiber of his being vibrate with a sort of
rage. He ought to show his wrath to those “loser” artists.
He was better. He was stronger. And he was richer.
In a dashing move of smug confidence, Moonves snagged the phone and called his secretary - whom he’d…… pleasured himself to in the past. “Janet”, the fat man barked, “call my lawyers, we’re filling a lawsuit!”
—————————————————————————————
How’d I do?
If you want more content from me, check out my own TL Man’s Best Friend: An Alternate 1990s and Beyond if you haven’t already. Hope you like it!
