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stories:the_germans

The Germans

A band of mercenaries who feature in AH.com The Series, made up of all the German members of the Board. They first appeared in DON'T MENTION THE PORN!. They were created by the writers in an attempt to redress the balance, as the German members of AH.com had made few Series appearances before then.

The Germans are extremely competent fighters and planners. They managed to seize control of the CTT.net Ship for Floid and used a Misspelling Virus on the AH.commers. Their main weakness is that they keep stopping to argue politics. Generally speaking, their leader Steffen is right-wing and most of the others are left-wing, so that makes for some…interesting conversations.

They speak in comedy-stereotype German accents and the written scripts mimic idiosyncrasies of German, e.g. 'He hass ein Point, mein Kapitan!'

The Germans reappeared in the episode HAIR TODAY GOTTERDAMMERUNG TOMORROW, in which we learn their backstory and why they talk in such a manner - they have been infected by the Stereotypica virus from HOW SHARPER THAN A UNICORN'S HORN and are ceaselessly trawling the multiverse to find the virus' maker and get their revenge, and a cure. During the events of that episode, Steffen sacrificed his life to ensure the cure could be found, and he was succeeded as captain by Susano. Their ship was renamed the Kapitan Steffen in his honour.

Captured by the PoleTrolls of WikiWorld, the AH.commers were rescued by the Germans in CITATION NEEDED, in which the Germans also recruited two new members and were shown to have a reserve army of Cyborg Robots With Green Blood.

In ZE POORLY-DISGUISED PILOT it was revealed that the Germans, too, were being given anti-ASB missions by Ian. Also, the rebellious Alayta tried a coup against Susano, which did not go over very well.

The Germans appeared once more in THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN, in which they fought hard against the ASB-allied Administratum of Ban, at the cost of the life of one of their own…


  • Steffen - Captain (until his death - returned as a computer hologram)
  • Susano - Executive officer, then captain
  • Alayta - Chief pilot and panzer driver
  • oberdada - Security chief, tactical officer
  • Kabraloth - Recruited at WikiWorld, role so far unknown

Cyborg Robots With Green Blood

The Germans also have access to a small force of these beings, which look like Borg in power armour and are used when doing mercenary jobs in TLs where the locals are too squeamish to look at real soldiering. (A joke based on how German law treats computer strategy games as children's toys and thus replaces all the infantry with, yes, cyborg robots with green blood).

  • Roberto - AKA Robot-0, prototype and leader of the CRs with GB.
  • Robot-TheBruce - Fought the PoleTrolls in CITATION NEEDED, was destroyed in the fight.
  • Robot-Redford - Also fought the PoleTrolls and was destroyed, though not before saving GBW's life.

See Also

The New Germans - The successors to the original group, they are recurring characters in AH.com Enterprise.


stories/the_germans.txt · Last modified: 2019/03/29 15:14 (external edit)