The China Syndlome

An episode of AH.com The Next Generation.

Season: 1

Episode: 18

Written by: Lord Roem

Air date: October 24, 2009

Trivia: First episode to be written by Lord Roem.

Plot

The story opens with a less than prepared TheDarkMessiah being awoken from a highly pleasant dream involving himself, nikky and a large jenga tower by the alarm and a slightly perverted Analytical Engine. Staving off the advances of the avatar he makes for the bridge via the mess hall, grabbing Wanderlust and Jord839 on the way, the latter having become slightly too obsessed with BBCRadio 4.

At the same time, ImperialVienna, nikky and Hashasheen find them selves discussing TheDarkServant's less than wholesome love of both nikky and the Game of Life. When Big Tex arrives to inform them of what TDS has been doing to the scrabble set, nikky finally resolves to injure him at some point in the near future.

On the bridge, the crew are informed of the diabolical state of the world economy and western Europe's subsequent take-over by the Chinese military, despite Wolf's American geography, the crew eventuality manage to arrive at the university town of Durham in the north of England where they are soon confronted by the PLA.

Saved by the efforts of Basileus Giorgios and the members of GNAT (the Glorious Northern Army Rangers) and a Conservative Party rosette, the team manage to hide away onto a London-bound train while Basileus goes north to try and aid the Scottish revolutionary leader FletcherofSaltoun against the hated regime of General-Secretary The Red.

In London, the team are confronted by a seemingly impenetrable Chinese armoured compound in Bloomsbury, despire Tex attempting to make his own crowing moment of awesome, the effect is rather spoilt by the arrival of Northstar who simply tells them to use the Underground to bypass the Chinese entirely.

Once in Aldwych Tube Station, The Professor introduces them to the ~~Evangelion~~ Pseudo-Christian Claptrap, a huge pink mecha which is to be the rebellion's secret weapon against the evil leader of the PLA in Western Europe, General M'Hung Bjines who is currently residing at Senate House. Sadly, with Wozza, the sexy and arrogant pilot incapacitated by VD, only the weak and conflicted Lord Roem is still able to operate the damn thing. At this point, Zyzzyva after one TVTropes reference too many finally looses patience with the team after Roemy is compared to the Woobie and Woobie Destroyer of Worlds in quick succession. Lord Roem is also hit by Wozza at this point for constantly repeating his manter of “I mustn't run away” too many times, Does This Remind You Of Anything?. The Professor soon makes it clear than only by attacking the nearby Chinese base at the London School of Economics can the PCC get the chance to launch.

Led by Wolf, with Northstar and Wozza bringing up the rear (oh err!), the attack on the LSE is enough of a diversion, although it does require the arrival of GNAT and Basileus to save the team from death by a thousand bullets. Sadly, it soon becomes apparent that even the PCC cannot deal with Lord Roem's low self esteem, resulting in a need to anger him to snap him out of his depression.

After a succession of failures, BG hits upon the idea of Thatcherite economic policy to wind up the Yorkshireman, this succeeds with Roem able to wipe out the entire PLA base and with it, General M'Hung Bjines.

With the PLA defeated, the crew agree to recruit Lord Roem into the team, some for more sinister reasons than others. With the new secretary/Butt Monkey installed in his office, it only requires for nikky to beat the stuffing out of TheDarkServant with a crowbar before the, somewhat poorly written episode, comes to a close on a long-awaited meeting between TDS and a crowbar.