The Sons of Inti Shall Not Perish

[King of the Uzbeks]

European Interlude tomorrow, critical to understanding Charles's decisions regarding San Miguel.

Fair warning, it's a bit.....weird.

 

[Clarior]

European Interlude tomorrow, critical to understanding Charles's decisions regarding San Miguel.

Fair warning, it's a bit.....weird.

Whatever "weird" means, I'm pumped.

 

[Faeelin]

Well, converting to Christianity goes a long way to convince Europeans that the Inca state has a right to exist...

Much like converting to Christianity ended slave raiding in the Congo?

 

[The Merovingian]

Much like converting to Christianity ended slave raiding in the Congo?

I don't recall the Congo making especially large efforts to stamp out slaving amongst the populace. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think the Congo Monarchs ever actually made slavery illegal, or if they did it seemed to be widely ignored by Congolese and Portuguese both. Could be wrong though.

 

[Youngmarshall]

I don't recall the Congo making especially large efforts to stamp out slaving amongst the populace. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think the Congo Monarchs ever actually made slavery illegal, or if they did it seemed to be widely ignored by Congolese and Portuguese both. Could be wrong though.

Alfonso I attempted to but felt he couldn't without Portuguese cooperation.

Hence the pleading letters he wrote to the king of Portugal asking for his assistance in ending it, which were ignored.

The letters are transcribed here (bizarrely, frankly given that's a rap lyrics site)

 

[King of the Uzbeks]

(With apologies to Yugoslavia: And Nothing of Value Was Lost and various pages on Unencyclopedia)

Ferdin_da_man is now dead.

Mini-Max is now KING OF HUNGARY and KING OF CROATIA and ARCHDUKE OF AUSTRIA

The_Pope: The Vatican gives our most sincere condolences to the Hapsburgs on the loss of a most noble man.

FRANCIS: HAH HAH YOUR BROTHER IS DEAD AND I HAVE MILAN

FRANCIS: BET YOU WISH YOU HAD SOME INFIDEL ALLIES NOW

FRANCIS: TOO SCARED TO REPLY CHARLIE BOY

FRANCIS: COWARD

NavarreDon'tCare: He has you blocked Francis.

FRANCIS: JUST LIKE I BLOCKED HIM FROM ITALY

Charles of Most of Europe is now: Thinking

JFElector: I don't like this.

Phil the Hessian: I don't like it either

realPhilip: I like this.

Charles of Most of Europe: So Bohemia, Mini-Max is very young perhaps you'd like a more stable hand at the tiller.

Estates_of_Bohemia: Say what.

Charles of Most of Europe: Maybe you'd like someone a bit older as King. Like me. Or maybe Philip.

Phil the Hessian: You rang?

Charles of Most of Europe: No not you.

realPhilip: <3 <3 best dad ever

Estates_of_Bohemia: Ferdinand just spent years cajoling us to move to simple succession and now you want us to mess with that?

JFElector: This is clearly a trap to get Philip as Emperor.

Phil the Hessian: :-(

JFElector: Not you.

Mini-Max is now a ward of Charles of Most of Europe

JFElector: The man is old enough to rule alone. Clearly more insidious Hapsburg plots to secure power.

FredrickCountPalatine: Please stop this Charles.

Charles of Most of Europe is now REGENT OF HUNGARY and REGENT OF CROATIA

Charles of Most of Europe: So, about the throne of Bohemia…

Estates_of_Bohemia has issued THE DECLARATION OF PRAGUE

Mini-Max is now KING OF BOHEMIA

ImperialOfficial237: Wait what?

Estates_of_Bohemia: Nice view today.

ImperialOffical237 is now offline

rogueBohemianEstates: Long live the Pope. Long live King Charles.

JFElector: Bravo Bohemia! Long live Protestantism!

Charles of Most of Europe: Mini-Max is Catholic. Like, that's not just me. He's Catholic. No matter what you say.

JFElector: Speaking of "what I say", I say it's time we had an election for King of the Romans.

Charles of Most of Europe: Bohemia is currently in open rebellion no time.

JFElector: Maximilian is the rightful King of Bohemia. Anything less would be a declaration of war on the rights of the constituent parts of the Holy Roman Empire.

Charles of Most of Europe: They threw people out of windows. This is highly irregular.

The Schmalkaldic League has mobilized.

HAPPY 1546!

Swabia is now occupied by JFElector

VoteSaxon has mobilized

JFElector: Good to see you cuz.

VoteSaxon is now invading Saxony

JFElector: Oh come on!

Swabia is no longer occupied

JFElector is now invading Saxony

Estates_of_Bohemia is now invading Saxony

VoteSaxon: No fair!

JFElector has now invaded Other Saxony

Estates_of_Bohemia has now invaded Other Saxony.

Charles of Most of Europe is now invading Swabia

FredrickCountPalatine: A little help please.

Phil the Hessian is now invading Swabia.

FredrickCountPalatine: Thanks.

Phil the Hessian: FOR LUTHER AND FOR BIGAMY!

Charles of Most of Europe: eww

JFElector: eww

FredrickCountPalatine: eww

Henry VIII: Intriguing idea…

Phil the Hessian has started BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

Charles of Most of Europe has joined BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

FredrickCountPalatine has joined BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

Charles of Most of Europe has won BATTLE OF HEIDELBERG

Charles of Most of Europe has started BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE

Phil the Hessian has joined BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE

FredrickCountPalatine: I'm running low on…well…everything…a little help?

FredrickCountPalatine: Anyone?

FredrickCountPalatine: Anyone?

FredrickCountPalatine is: sad

FredrickCountPalatine has joined BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE

Charles of Most of Europe has won BATTLE OF KARLSRUHE

Charles of Most of Europe is now invading Bohemia

rogueBohemianEstates is: in love

Estates_of_Bohemia: Bring it.

JFElector is now invading Bohemia

Estates_of_Bohemia: WHAT

Charles of Most of Europe: WHAT

JFElector: oops, wrong button

JFElector is now assisting Estates_of_Bohemia

Estates_of_Bohemia: Thank you.

BohemianPeasent1367: This looks the same

Estates_of_Bohemia: Shut up.

WINTER HAS COME -1 bazillion attack effectiveness.

BohemianPeasent1367 is now dead

HAPPY 1547

FredrickCountPalatine: I'm sorry guys, but I can't go on.

FredrickCountPalatine has submitted to Charles of Most of Europe

Charles of Most of Europe: That's right! Bow to the Emperor! Lutherans can get out!

Phil the Hessian: I will fight on, for my religion and my wives!

Charles of Most of Europe: eww

FredrickCountPalatine: eww

JFElector: eww

Henry VIII: intriguing

Henry VIII is now dead

EdofWales is now EdVIard

EdVIard is now KING OF ENGLAND and KING OF IRELAND

EdVIard: And KING OF FRANCE

FRANCIS: Fuck you.

EdVIard: What does "fuck" mean?

FRANCIS: What.

EdSeymour is now REGENT OF ENGLAND and REGENT OF IRELAND

EdSeymour has activated PARENTAL BLOCKS for EdVIard.

EdSeymour: Pardon his majesty's youth.

Charles of Most of Europe: Actually Edward is a bastard, the rightful queen of England is Mary Tudor. Henry VIII's divorce of my aunt was illegal.

EdSeymour: False.

The_Pope: England remains excommunicated. Unless of course you want to negotiate. New king and all.

England is no longer CATHOLIC BUT FUCK THE POPE

The_Pope: Good start…

England is now PROTESTANT BUT NOT LUTHERAN OR CALVINIST

The_Pope: Wrong choice.

Charles of Most of Europe: back to normal I guess.

WINTER HAS ENDED

NotHorseFacedWeSwear has mobilized

Charles of Most of Europe: Oh for the love of... Philip go organize some defenses in the Netherlands.

Charles of Most of Europe: My son, not the Bigamist.

realPhilip: OK dad.

Phil the Hessian: :-(

NotHorseFacedWeSwear has invaded the Netherlands

realPhilip has invaded Jülich-Cleves-Berg

The Low Countries are now in a COSTLY STALEMATE

realPhilip: :-(

Charles of Most of Europe: Don't worry, the mines of Mexico can out spend them!

FRANCIS is now subsidizing NotHorseFacedWeSwear

realPhilip: Dad what do I do now?

Charles of Most of Europe: I just told you, just throw silver at the issue and it goes away.

NavarreDon'tCare: Francis is funding them.

Charles of Most of Europe: Tell him to go fuck himself.

NavarreDon'tCare: he knows that.

Charles of Most of Europe: Philip, just keep fighting.

Phil the Hessian is retreating

Charles of Most of Europe begins CROSSING OF THE NECKAR

Phil the Hessian joins CROSSING OF THE NECKAR

Phil the Hessian has ended CROSSING OF THE NECKAR

Charles of Most of Europe: Whelp. Time to claim another throne

Charles of Most of Europe has resumed campaigning in Bohemia.

rogueBohemianEstates is now rebelling

rogueBohemianEstates has seized České Budějovice

Charles of Most of Europe: Excellent!

Estates_of_Bohemia: Treasonous dogs…

Estates_of_Bohemia: Time to go in the offensive. You ready John Fredrick?

JFElector: I'm ready!

Estates_of_Bohemia has started BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Charles of Most of Europe has joined BATTLE OF PÍSEK

rougeBohemianEstates has joined BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Estates_of_Bohemia: Uhh John Fredrick?

JFElector: Uh oh, bad weather.

Charles of Most of Europe has won BATTLE OF PÍSEK

rogueBohemianEstates has won BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Estates_of_Bohemia is: scared

JFElector is: sorry, so very, very sorry

Charles of Most of Europe: Yesssss. Yessssss. Yesss. Saxony here I come.

Charles of Most of Europe has started MARCH ON PRAUGE

ERROR: NO FUNDS

Charles of Most of Europe has started MARCH ON PRAUGE

ERROR: NO FUNDS

Charles of Most of Europe: hmmm

Charles of Most of Europe has invaded Other Saxony

VoteSaxon: Yay! Long live the Emperor

ERROR: NO FUNDS

VoteSaxon: aww

JFElector has started SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Estates_of_Bohemia has joined SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Charles of Most of Europe has joined SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

rogueBohemianEstates has joined SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

JFElector has won SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Estates_of_Bohemia has won SECOND BATTLE OF PÍSEK

Charles of Most of Europe is retreating from Bohemia.

Charles of Most of Europe is: open to negotiation

JFElector is: open to negotiation

Estates_of_Bohemia is: open to negotiation

rogueBohemianEstates is: not open to negotiation

Estates_of_Bohemia: No one cares what you think.

TREATY OF AUGSBURG

-Mini-Max is KING OF BOHEMIA
-Charles of Most of Europe is no longer REGENT OF CROATIA, HUNGARY, OR AUSTRIA
-Lutheran Rulers are allowed to run Lutheran Domains
-FredrickCountPalatine is restored as ELECTOR PALATINE in full
-Bohemian Succession is solely under the control of Estates_of_Bohemia
-The Schmalkaldic League is recognized as a group inside the Holy Roman Empire but is prohibited from forming foreign alliances
-The Kingdom of Bohemia will not join the Schmalkaldic League
-Peace

Charles of Most of Europe: Yay. Peace. Because I ran out of money.

realPhilip: My empire :-(

Mini-Max: Thanks coz. Really feeling the love.

JFElector: Don't worry Maximilian, the Schmalkaldic League will keep Philip from usurping you.

JFElector: Either one. Last thing we need is a bigamist King.

Phil the Hessian: :-(

JFElector: Speaking of Kings, are you going to hold up the…unofficial deal Charles?

Charles of Most of Europe: *sigh* Yes.

Charles of Most of Europe: I implore the Electors of the empire to vote for Mini-Max to succeed his father.

An election for KING OF THE ROMANS is here!

KING OF BOHEMIA Mini-Max has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR OF SAXONY JFElector has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR PALATINE FredrickCountPalatine has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR OF COLOGNE Her-mann has voted for Mini-Max

JFElector: And that's a majority!

The_Pope: Archbishop Hermann is excommunicated for not really being Catholic anymore. Charles, the fact that the majority of your Electors are Protestant is…deeply disturbing.

ELECTOR OF BRANDENBURG JoachimTwo has voted for Mini-Max

JoachimTwo: For the Record, I would have voted for Philip if Charles had asked. #NotAllLutherans

ELECTOR OF TRIER ArchbishopTrier has voted for Mini-Max

ELECTOR OF MAINZ Archbishop Sebastian has voted for Mini-Max.

Mini-Max is now KING OF THE ROMANS

Mini-Max: Thank you all! Even the ones who tried to violently stop this from happening

Her-Mann: I like this kid.

Mini-Max: How are you even still a Bishop?

Her-Mann: I like this kid slightly less now.

Charles of Most of Europe: Ease up kid. You're not Emperor yet.

Mini-Max: >:-(

Charles of Most of Europe: Teenagers…

realPhilip: Sooooooo…who gets the Netherlands?

Charles of Most of Europe: ugh

FRANCIS: HAH HAH STUPID CHARLIE BOY

FRANCIS: GUESS WHO'S GONNA MAKE A PERSONAL UNION WITH SCOTLAND

FRANCIS: THIS GUY

NavarreDon'tCare: Actually it's his son. The Dauphin and Mary of Scotland are now betrothed.

FRANCIS: AULD ALLIANCE BEST ALLIANCE

NavarreDon'tCare: And Francis is dead BTW. Henry is now King, he just can't be bothered to change the account settings.

 

[The Merovingian]

European Interlude tomorrow, critical to understanding Charles's decisions regarding San Miguel.

Fair warning, it's a bit.....weird.

You weren't lying. So is Charles going broke here a reason for him to try to increase Crown influence in San Miguel, is that how this all connects?

 

[Varum]

This was the biggest pile of cheap trolling I find around and you combine it with a very interesting TL? And you said this is weird?

Who am I kidding? I love all of it.

 

[Indicus]

This is wonderful.

 

[SenatorErnesto]

Is there any way to get a key of the usernames? I'm not sure who each one is and this my comprehension isn't full.

 

[The Merovingian]

Is there any way to get a key of the usernames? I'm not sure who each one is and this my comprehension isn't full.

I pretty sure I'm right on most of these.

Ferdin_da_man; Ferdinand I Holy Roman Emperor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_I,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

Mini-Max; Maximilian II Holy Roman Emperor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximilian_II,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

The_Pope; would have been Pope Paul III. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Paul_III

FRANCIS; both Francis I, and later Henry II of France (since son is marrying Mary of Scots) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_I_of_France, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_II_of_France

NavarreDon'tCare; I'm guessing Henry II of Navarre or the Kingdom of Navarre in general https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_II_of_Navarre

Charles of Most of Europe; obviously Charles V Holy roman Emperor https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_V,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

realPhilip; Philip II of Spain https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_II_of_Spain

Phil the Hessian; was a bigomist Philip I, Landgrave of Hesse https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_I,_Landgrave_of_Hesse

JFElector; Johann Frederick I https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Frederick_I,_Elector_of_Saxony

Estates_of_Bohemia; gonna take a wild guess and say they're various estates of Bohemia

rougeBohemianEstates; Bohemian estates...that have gone rouge....NANI!!!

ImperialOfficial237; I honestly have know Idea if that's even based on anyone

EdSeymour; Edward Seymour, 1st Duke of Somerset the guy who may have been banging Queen Elizabeth while she lived with him...and wasn't Queen...and was a bastard.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Seymour,_1st_Duke_of_Somerset

EdofWales/EdVIard; Edward VI who may not die in this TL now that I think of it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_VI_of_England

that's everyone that's anyone I think.

 

[King of the Uzbeks]

that's everyone that's anyone I think.

ImperialOffical is there because I can't have a rebellion in Bohemia without DEFRENESTRATION.

VoteSaxon is Duke Maurice of Saxony, who became Elector after he sided with Charles IOTL.

the various Electors are all IOTL.

BohemianPeasent1367 is there because black comedy is fun.

 

[MagicalPhantom345]

I can't help reading this interlude and NOT think of "The Namek Saga: In Six Minutes" in it's equally ludicrous telling of events.

 

[dakkafex]

The last update reminds me of this, WWII depicted in the same manner.

 

[generalurist]

Ahh, yes, the proud Czech tradition of throwing nobles out of windows!

Allthough... I'm a little confused... are the Czech rebelling in favor of the Austrian King? Does that mean that Austria is protestant as well in TTL? Or are they just catholic but accepting of heretics?

 

[King of the Uzbeks]

You weren't lying. So is Charles going broke here a reason for him to try to increase Crown influence in San Miguel, is that how this all connects?

The news of San Miguel will come a tad before he actually looses his ability to pay for the war, but by the time it comes he will have realized how deep in financial shit he's in.

This was the biggest pile of cheap trolling I find around and you combine it with a very interesting TL? And you said this is weird?

Who am I kidding? I love all of it.

Yeah. It's a bit out there, but it's fun to write and hopefully fun to read.

This is wonderful.

Is there any way to get a key of the usernames? I'm not sure who each one is and this my comprehension isn't full.

There is now! Many thanks to @The Merovingian

I can't help reading this interlude and NOT think of "The Namek Saga: In Six Minutes" in it's equally ludicrous telling of events.

The Reformation but every time someone is excommunicated it gets faster.

The last update reminds me of this, WWII depicted in the same manner.

Mine's a little more comprehensible, but yes same idea.

Ahh, yes, the proud Czech tradition of throwing nobles out of windows!

Allthough... I'm a little confused... are the Czech rebelling in favor of the Austrian King? Does that mean that Austria is protestant as well in TTL? Or are they just catholic but accepting of heretics?

Right. Here's the dark side of this format, in the name of humor things have become less clear.

IOTL John Fredrick expected the Bohemiam Protostents in his rebellion. They didn't, despite being ruled by a Catholic. Ferdinand. The Estates selected him IOTL and would remain loyal to the House of Hapsburg until an Emperor arrived who did not respect their autonomy. Their resistance to this started the 30 Years War.

ITTL however Charles attempts to impose a scenario where they'll eventually be ruled by a very Catholic Spanish guy who is unlikely to respect them. And is also very clearly trying to influence their decision. So they rebel in favor the son of their previous King. The rouge Estates are all Catholic, but the mainline one's are a mix. The Protestant German princes take this "assault" on their privileges as an excuse to rebel to gain recognition from the Emperor. They help out Bohemia because, hey they don't want Emperor Philip I either and they could at least tolerate Ferdinand so they'll take his son, and Bohemia accepts because they can't go it alone. The whole thing is essentially a war of Imperial Succession before the current Emperor is even gone.

So yes, the mostly Protestant Bohemians are behind a Catholic king. But the other Protestants? They see Maximillian as a weak future Emperor who is both the lesser of two evils and a potentially weaker enforncer of Catholicism.

 

[SenatorErnesto]

I pretty sure I'm right on most of these.

Ferdin_da_man; Ferdinand I Holy Roman Emperor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_I,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

Mini-Max; Maximilian II Holy Roman Emperor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximilian_II,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

The_Pope; would have been Pope Paul III. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Paul_III

FRANCIS; both Francis I, and later Henry II of France (since son is marrying Mary of Scots) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_I_of_France, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_II_of_France

NavarreDon'tCare; I'm guessing Henry II of Navarre or the Kingdom of Navarre in general https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_II_of_Navarre

Charles of Most of Europe; obviously Charles V Holy roman Emperor https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_V,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

realPhilip; Philip II of Spain https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_II_of_Spain

Phil the Hessian; was a bigomist Philip I, Landgrave of Hesse https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_I,_Landgrave_of_Hesse

JFElector; Johann Frederick I https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Frederick_I,_Elector_of_Saxony

Estates_of_Bohemia; gonna take a wild guess and say they're various estates of Bohemia

rougeBohemianEstates; Bohemian estates...that have gone rouge....NANI!!!

ImperialOfficial237; I honestly have know Idea if that's even based on anyone

EdSeymour; Edward Seymour, 1st Duke of Somerset the guy who may have been banging Queen Elizabeth while she lived with him...and wasn't Queen...and was a bastard.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Seymour,_1st_Duke_of_Somerset

EdofWales/EdVIard; Edward VI who may not die in this TL now that I think of it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_VI_of_England

that's everyone that's anyone I think.

Thank you!

 

[MagicalPhantom345]

I pretty sure I'm right on most of these.

Ferdin_da_man; Ferdinand I Holy Roman Emperor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_I,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

Mini-Max; Maximilian II Holy Roman Emperor. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximilian_II,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

The_Pope; would have been Pope Paul III. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Paul_III

FRANCIS; both Francis I, and later Henry II of France (since son is marrying Mary of Scots) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_I_of_France, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_II_of_France

NavarreDon'tCare; I'm guessing Henry II of Navarre or the Kingdom of Navarre in general https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_II_of_Navarre

Charles of Most of Europe; obviously Charles V Holy roman Emperor https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_V,_Holy_Roman_Emperor

realPhilip; Philip II of Spain https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_II_of_Spain

Phil the Hessian; was a bigomist Philip I, Landgrave of Hesse https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_I,_Landgrave_of_Hesse

JFElector; Johann Frederick I https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Frederick_I,_Elector_of_Saxony

Estates_of_Bohemia; gonna take a wild guess and say they're various estates of Bohemia

rougeBohemianEstates; Bohemian estates...that have gone rouge....NANI!!!

ImperialOfficial237; I honestly have know Idea if that's even based on anyone

EdSeymour; Edward Seymour, 1st Duke of Somerset the guy who may have been banging Queen Elizabeth while she lived with him...and wasn't Queen...and was a bastard.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Seymour,_1st_Duke_of_Somerset

EdofWales/EdVIard; Edward VI who may not die in this TL now that I think of it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_VI_of_England

that's everyone that's anyone I think.

Really appreciate the translation.

 

[Mr. Mass Line]

Mine's a little more comprehensible, but yes same idea.

Mmmmmmm... I don't know bout that man


But I'm more worried about Tawantinsuyu. In the last update about them it said they found it not as they'd heard. And the locals are hearing it's weak and going to attack.

Please tell me in that year trek of theirs Atawalpa didn't die and there's another civil war...

 

[Rheinbund]

Personally i was like wtf when i saw this format of chapter, but The more I read the more I laughed, one of my favorite post in this thread
it was really funny and explain a lot of thing.
I love your TL because unfortunately most of AH in this forum are about european or USA.
And your are well documented about this area and your nation is not "too lucky" in your post it feel realistic.

Thanks for your work