When you Wish Upon a Frog (Book II of the Jim Henson at Disney saga)

Geekhis Khan · Jun 14, 2022

Superman Flies with Coke!
National Enquirer, 2nd January Edition, 1995

Actor_Robert_Downey_Jr._photographed_by_the_California_Department_of_Corrections.jpg

We now know why Superman is faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound: he was higher than a kite! Superman Actor Robert Downey, jr., was busted on the Pacific Coast Highway last week, clocked at speeds over 103 MPH. Arresting officers found several grams of cocaine and two ounces of marijuana in the vehicle and a large concentration of alcohol and cocaine in his bloodstream. The Oscar-nominated superstar has been released on bail believed to be in the millions and his lawyers will only verify that the star was indeed arrested and charged with reckless driving, DUI, and misdemeanor possession.

Long regarded as a Hollywood “party boy”, Downey, a Hollywood legacy, has a history of sex and drugs[1] rather unbecoming of the Man of Steel. Which makes one wonder: will the arrest clip his wings? Warner Brothers has so far only said that they “take these allegations seriously.”

According to the Police report, Downey’s vehicle was seen by a police cruiser travelling at excessive speed at 2:21 AM on the night of… Cont’d on Pg. 2.

“HIV is Not a Punishment”

Charlotte Lewis Opens Up about Charlie Sheen, HIV, Activism, and Victim Blaming

People Magazine, May 1995 Edition

“AIDS is not justice, it’s tragedy.” Actor Charlotte Lewis was sitting in her backyard, a modest but elegant midcentury home in the Hollywood Hills. She looked healthy and radiant despite the deadly virus that infects her. Since revealing her diagnosis last year following former boyfriend Charlie Sheen’s death from AIDS, the young actress has seen the best and worst of humanity.

Lewis c1995 (Image source The Movie Database)

“People [since the diagnosis] tend to treat me as either damaged goods in need of pity or as a horrible slut who brought God’s wrath upon myself,” she said, the bitterness clear in her voice. “HIV is an epidemic, like polio, and yet we treat is as something to be ashamed of. That needs to end.”

Lewis, who had a two-year relationship with Sheen and almost certainly was first infected by him, is probably best known for her appearance as the acrobatic mystical warrior Kee Nang in The Golden Rose of Tibet with Mel Gibson. Since then, her star has faded, falling back on small roles and TV appearances, but Sheen’s tragic death and her own subsequent “outing” as HIV-positive have thrown her, not exactly willingly, back into the spotlight. But while other stars would retreat from the glare of the public attention, Lewis has risen to become, along with NBA star Earvin “Magic” Johnson, a symbol of the HIV Awareness movement, which seeks to destigmatize the disease and educate people on its causes, treatment options, and prevention.

And since her public admission of her infection, she has seen the best and worst of her fellow Americans and “learned who [her] true friends” were. “There’s a line of thought that suggests that I ‘deserve’ AIDS because I had a long-term relationship. That’s {expletive deleted}, of course, but a lot of people believe that. Does the seven-year-old who received a blood transfusion ‘deserve’ it too? How about the baby of the HIV-positive mother? It frankly says more about the character of the accuser than the victim. There’s also a sort of well-meaning pity-party approach that acts like they should walk on eggshells around me. It’s almost as frustrating since the people don’t realize how condescending that they are. Look, you want to know how to treat me, or any other HIV victim? How about Respect and Humanity?”

Lewis, since her diagnosis, has become the “face of AIDS” for many, though she has not yet shown symptoms of the immunodeficiency associated with advanced HIV infection. She credits new types of antiretroviral drugs as “lifesavers” in that respect and urges, along with respectful sympathy and awareness, that additional funding be given towards reducing the cost and regulatory hurdles associated with the drugs for those who need them. “In another five to ten years HIV may simply be something that you live with, rather than a death sentence. Until that day, and even after that day, we need to approach this as the public health crisis that it is and stop blaming victims or treating them like broken birds.”

Lewis first met Sheen on the set of… Con’t on Pg. 21.

Pearson Purchases Pinewood, Premiers “Penguin Pictures”

Pathé Partnership Probable, Possibly Pending

Empire Magazine, May 1995 Edition

London – Pearson, LLC, announced the acquisition of the venerable Pinewood Studios last month as a part of a major expansion in their entertainment arm, a deal that brings with it both the famous studio facilities, where such classic film series as the James Bond and Batman franchises have been filmed, the Rank Organization, and the string of associated cinemas. The announcement came with the premier of the new Penguin Pictures label, which will serve as Pearson’s first overtly cinematic label and the Pearson Entertainment Group’s premier brand.

Pinewood and Rank will join with existing Pearson Television production groups, which includes such labels as ACI, Thames, and Grundy, with ACI responsible for up to a fifth of all made-for-television films on the market today. Analysts are divided on whether Pearson will resurrect any of the old Rank film labels, such as the Eagle-Lion Films label, which began as a UK-US partnership, with many curious if such a label may be used for collaborations with the Disney-MGM company, with whom Pearson shares an ongoing theme park partnership.

Indeed, many in the industry are abuzz with exactly what this acquisition means for the complicated relationship that they have with “The Mouse”, particularly given Pinewood’s existing working relationships with Disney-MGM rivals United Artists and Warner Brothers.

Complicating matters further, Pearson recently announced that they will be hiring former Warner Brothers Chairman and CEO Richard A. Daly to head the new Pearson Entertainment Group. Daly is seen as a skilled and aggressive business leader, and one likely to drive fast and push hard. He is also a controversial choice, having been “retired early” following a notable gaffe involving the “Captain Planet Coalition”. As the head of Warner, Daly initiated a focused challenge to Disney on both the film and theme park fronts, initiating the lasting DC-Marvel film rivalry and bringing onboard former Disney Imagineering head C.V. Wood to turn the Six Flags theme park chain into the Warner Movie World chain, a direct peer and rival to both Disney and Universal. Whether Disney will remain in his sights, or whether he will ally with his old rivals in order to challenge his former bosses at Warner remains to be seen.

And then there is Pathé. The classic Continental company has reportedly been in open talks with Italian financier Giancarlo Parretti, who acquired the French company along with Cannon in the late 1980s following a string of underperforming films. Speculation of a partnership or even takeover of the studios is running high, particularly given that the two studios have continued to underperform under Parretti, who is himself facing multiple legal challenges springing from questionable business dealings in the 1980s[2]. “A Pearson-Pinewood-Pathé partnership would produce the largest primarily European-owned entertainment conglomerate since ACC before the Time merger,” said London financier Peter Hargreaves. “If Daly is able to effectively merge the many disparate elements of the combined companies, then Pearson Entertainment will be a true entertainment juggernaut able to hold its own against the many US-based titans.

“If he’s not, then the inevitable breakup will be calamitous.”

[1] The stresses of being elevated to the A-list as Superman has driven him into the worst aspects of addiction sooner than in our timeline.

[2] Parretti’s shady past and legal/financial challenges will ultimately drive him to sell Pathé and Cannon to Pearson shortly after this magazine publishes. Daly will be tasked with getting this hydra of an entertainment conglomerate to act as a single unit. And hat tip to @El Pip who came up with this wacky Pearson Entertainment/Richard Daly subplot. Stay tuned for more fun and games.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 16, 2022

Explosion in Downtown Washington

Hundreds believed dead or wounded in assumed Terrorist Attack

FBI Headquarters badly damaged; FBI puts out search for two men

“Sword of Liberty” group claims responsibility

Washington Post, April 19th, 1995

Washington, DC – a massive explosion rocked downtown DC this morning in what the FBI believes to be a domestic terror attack. The explosion, which emanated from a tractor-trailer left idling on Pennsylvania Avenue between the J. Edgar Hoover FBI Building and the Old Post Office, shattered windows in both the White House and the Capitol and caused massive damage to the buildings around it. Security cameras recorded two men, white, one of them the driver of the truck, fleeing the scene on a motorcycle that had previously been in front of the truck.

Similarities between the attack and fictional events described in the White Supremacist novel The Turner Diaries, which sees the destruction of FBI Headquarters in a similar attack as a “call to arms” for white Americans, have been noted. A group calling itself The Sword of Liberty, believed to be a violent offshoot of the white supremacist The Covenant, the Sword, and the Arm of the Lord organization, has claimed credit for the attack, calling it “the first shot in the Second American Revolution, fired on this 220th anniversary of the Shot Heard ‘Round the World at Lexington. The FBI’s flagrant murder of Christian children in Waco has been avenged, but our mission to retake America from Godless Communists, [African Americans], Sodomites, and stooges of the Rothschilds has only just begun.” While the FBI has been unable to verify the group’s claims, they have released the pictures of the two suspects and are offering a $100,000 reward.

While official figures are not yet in, hundreds are believed dead, including many federal agents[1], making the attack the deadliest terror attack in US history. FBI and local casualties may have been larger had FBI security teams not noticed that something was awry and ordered an evacuation. President Gore has called the attack “an act of evil and cowardice” and vowed to hold those responsible accountable “with the full authority of the law.”

Similarly, FBI Director…Cont’d on A2.

Gunman Attacks Local Synagogue
The Arizona Republic Extra, May 12th, 1995

Phoenix – An armed man with an automatic rifle opened fire on worshipers at the Bel El Congregation synagogue this morning during Friday services, killing 14 and injuring 24, including children and an elderly holocaust survivor. The suspected shooter, a white male who was killed by Phoenix police, has not been identified by the authorities. Witnesses describe the man as uttering antisemitic slurs as he entered the congregation and opened fire. It is unknown at this time if the shooter was in any way connected to the Sword of Liberty terrorist cell that claimed responsibility for April’s DC bombing[2]. More will be reported as facts are known.

Bomb Kills 5 in Mt. Helm Baptist Church Attack
The Jackson Clarion-Ledger, June 7th, 1995

Jackson – The historic Mt. Helm Baptist Church, a historically African American church founded in 1835 to provide services for enslaved peoples, was badly damaged by a package bomb last night, killing five staff members and congregants and injuring 7 others there for Bible study. Comparisons to the 1963 bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama, are already being made. The Sword of Liberty has claimed responsibility for the attack, though claims to have not intended to cause fatalities. The FBI is investigating the incident as a domestic terrorist attack. Cont’d on A2.

FBI Organizational Threat Assessment: The Sword of Liberty and Other Militant White Nationalist Organizations
October 1995 [Redacted 2007 FOIA Release]

Abstract

Logo similar to this, but lacks the rainbow for obvious reasons

The Sword of Liberty organization (SoL), a militant offshoot of The Covenant, the Sword, and the Arm of the Lord organization, entered onto the scene in April of 1995 with the vehicle-borne explosive device attack upon the J. Edgar Hoover building in Washington DC. Since then, they have committed or inspired additional bombings and bombing attempts, shootings, assassinations, kidnappings, and other crimes. Their appearance and the severity and suddenness of these attacks shocked most Americans, who never fully expected a domestic assault of that scale in the contiguous United States. Contrary to this public assumption, the steady rise of right-wing militancy, commonly overlapping with White Nationalist organizations such as the Aryan Brotherhood and Ku Klux Klan and various Christian Nationalist organizations, and increasingly organized through online communications, has been a growing factor in US fringe politics since the end of Segregation, with origins going back to the reconstruction era.

The following report details the growth and diversification of Militant White Nationalist Organizations (MWNO) from the early days of post-Confederate “Lost Cause” ideology and the rise of the KKK, through segregation and the Lynching epidemic and violent KKK opposition to immigration and desegregation in the early 20th Century, to the rise of Fascist-inspired fringe politics in the midcentury, to the rise of antigovernmental “survivalist” culture in the late 20th Century. It identifies the historical, cultural, and political links between MWNOs and various right wing and populist political, cultural, and religious movements in the US and various sympathetic criminal enterprises such as Neo-Nazi prison gangs and white “1-percenter” motorcycle gangs. It explores how recent political trends have exacerbated an existing sense of isolation and disillusionment within the core MWNO constituencies, such as the rise of the Gore administration in 1992, the “backstabbing” of Vice President Quayle by the Bush reelection team in the same year, the “child killing” FBI raid[3] on the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, the failed promise of the 1994 “Republican Revolution”, and the mixture of hope and disappointment that came with the rise of the Reform Party[4].

This report explores the demographics and socio-political overlaps between MWNOs and surrounding communities. While likely only representing a few hundred to thousand people (SoL has an estimated two dozen core members and three dozen ancillary accomplices), MWNOs derive some support and sympathies or at least a sense of “understanding” or shared core beliefs with larger communities, and even some conservative populist commentators and politicians, such as {REDACTED}. “Supportive” communities may number in the tens-of-thousands to hundreds-of-thousands and “sympathetic” communities potentially number in the millions. Online communities, such as the Neo-Nazi organizations that communicate through the Stormfront website and similar portals, have allowed for an unprecedented ability to share opinions, share information and intelligence, discuss tactics, and even plan or coordinate attacks (section 4 describes FBI monitoring and surveillance methodology).

This report further explores the threat vectors as well as mitigating factors for MWNO attacks, such as the spread of online bomb-making instructions and the availability of weapons both legal and illegal. The recent flooding of the international market by cheap USR-made firearms and munitions offers a particular concern[5]. Pertinent weapons vectors include {REDACTED}.

Finally, this report offers strategies and tactics for the continued monitoring, surveillance, and disruption of MWNO cells. It explores their primary and secondary targets and their most likely next attacks. Potential targets are identified from government buildings to minority racial and religious communities to politicians to judges to private organizations and individuals (even Disney parks and executives), all of which have been identified in online “target lists” gathered via {REDACTED}. Disrupting and investigating these cells and preventing future activities will be daunting given the decentralized nature of the cells and the large community of supporters to call upon to help conceal or obfuscate their actions and identities.

At this time, the overall threat assessments of MWNOs such as SoL is considered HIGH and the priority for disruption of these organizations, given their mobility, unpredictability, and danger, is likewise considered HIGH.

Additional reports will be produced as additional information comes in.

[1] The final official tally will be 48 dead, 164 wounded (83 of them seriously), and four missing, assumed dead, including 13 FBI employee fatalities and 47 FBI non-fatal casualties, most of them simple desk workers and maintenance/cleaning/support staff rather than agents. The rather solid stone walls of the Old Post Office building will help limit civilian casualties in that structure, which at the time was a public building with shops and a food court (it has since become the Trump International Hotel Washington, D.C., and is now the Waldorf Astoria). Special Agent Debra Evans of the Alphy’s bust and the Hansen flip will suffer minor injuries, including scaring, with a small but noticeable scar on her left cheek.

[2] The Sword of Liberty will not claim responsibility, but will approve of the attack, calling its perpetrator, who was armed with a fully automatic AK-47 and had a semiautomatic AR-15 in the car, a “patriot and a martyr.”

[3] Without Ruby Ridge, fewer people on the edge of radicalization will become radicalized in this timeline, while conversely the fact that the FBI had little choice at Waco but to shoot armed teenagers during the raid lends itself to the “murder of Christian children” narrative circling far-right message boards and underground papers. This smaller, more insular revolutionary right-wing community, particularly with continuing disappointment on the political front (Newt Gingrich served to some degree as a “social safety release valve” for anger on the right, who at least felt like they were still a part of the system), is leading these smaller communities to feel increasingly isolated and desperate. These are the same communities that brought about the Oklahoma City bombing in our timeline (while the full extent of McVey’s network of accomplices remains murky, his supporters and sympathizers were numerous; it was not, as many on the right like to proclaim, a “Lone Wolf Attack”). And violent, militant White Nationalism has been a big part of US politics for a long time. I’ve personally known, served with, and even been close friends with people who supported McVey’s actions including some who wrote letters of support to McVey in the late 1990s, fully convinced that he was a patriotic patsy in a Clinton-run false flag operation intended to overthrow democracy and install a Socialist Dictatorship; I am not exaggerating or joking on that front. Nobody should have been surprised at the current “political trends” in the US.

[4] Many initially derived hope from Pat Buchannan’s fiery speech at the Reform Party convention and were later disappointed to see a swath of largely centrist or regionalist politicians rather than the militant nativism that they’d expected. “I went in expecting Pat and got Perot!” one angrily said. “Here’s to the new boss, same as the old boss!”

[5] Thanks, Yuri.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 18, 2022

Chapter 7: The Return of the King
Excerpt from The Visionary and the Vizier, Jim Henson and Frank Wells at Disney, by Derek N. Dedominos, MBA.

In June of 1995 Ron Miller retired as CEO and handed his seat on the board to the returning Frank Wells, whom the board unanimously and without much debate granted the title of CEO. Henson offered Wells back his position as Chairman, but Wells and the board refused, instead making Henson’s and Dick Nunis’s acting positions permanent.

The Vizier was now officially the King and the Visionary now officially the Prince Coregent. Their first official act was to organize a retirement party for the departing Miller.

Henson organized Miller’s two retirement parties: the first a small, stately affair for the top executives and their families at Miller’s favorite country club, and the second a rollicking Masked Ball at the Disney-MGM Studios campus in Burbank for the whole company. This latter affair sprawled across several sound stages and included a Muppets reenactment of Miller’s career from Pro Football player (reenacting the scene where he gets brutally tackled and Walt recruits him to Disney) through his career at Disney with all of the ups and downs, all done with an affectionate mix of sincere love and comedic irony.

“It made Card’s retirement look boring,” recalled Director Emeritus Philip Hawley.

All remembered the time as one of sincere joy, with Miller getting accolades and some friendly roasts alike. All were happy to see Frank Wells return from his “dalliances” in Washington and Nepal, and all knew that he’d be an excellent CEO. Miller would retire fully to his Chateau in Napa, devoting his time to growing his wine empire with Francis Ford Coppola and working to restore the glory of his old LA Rams. He’d remain on the “Advisory Board” as a CEO Emeritus and his wife Diane Disney Miller would retain her seat on the board with Dick Nunis as their “second” seat. And Wells, despite his friendship with Stanley Gold, was increasingly seen along with Kinsey and Henson as a neutral fair arbiter.

And Henson, unanimously elected permanent Chairman, formally took over the job that he’d been doing for the last two and a half years. It was a particularly challenging time to be Chairman of Disney. The country was still reeling after the deadly bombing of FBI Headquarters in Washington, DC, and related attacks. The FBI warned them that Disney itself was among the targets under discussion on far-right message boards and in underground publications, though no formal intelligence suggested an imminent attack. Henson himself was listed as a potential “high value target” for violence or kidnapping given the literal demonization of him by conservative televangelists like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. As such, his relatively carefree off-duty activities, which included walking the streets and beaches alone, would be drastically curtailed, he’d be moved from his beach house in Laguna into the Caesar Suite of the Villa Romana hotel at Disneyland, and he’d be assigned 24/7 protection, in particular a towering, broad-shouldered former Secret Service agent named “Sonny”. Similar protections were afforded to other Disney executives.

Disney animator’s depiction of “Sonny” (Image source MTV)

In addition to their own personal safety and security, he and Wells implemented a major security audit for all of the parks and hotels down to the smallest Disneytown. They continued discussions with the FBI and looked for ways to improve security without sacrificing guest experience. From big things like finding ways to attractively disguise metal detectors at the gates to small things like choosing “friendly” breeds like Labrador and Golden Retrievers rather than intimidating ones like German Shepherds for the K9 teams, they worked with the Imagineers to apply the “Disney Difference” to security and public safety.

And with all of this happening in the background, Henson’s very first job as permanent Chairman was to sell the board on Ron Miller’s controversial deal with Georgia Frontiere for acquiring a stake in the LA Rams.

That March Miller had arranged a tentative deal where Disney would support construction of a new stadium in Anaheim specifically for the Rams, with total costs projected to be between $250-$300 million, as their current stadium, the Angels Arena, which they shared with the MLB team, was deemed unsuitable for football. In the meantime, the Rams would move back to the LA Colosseum (which had been abandoned by the Raiders upon their return to Oakland) with an agreement that Disney would help market the team to drum up attendance. In return for all this, Disney would claim a 35% stake in the team with a seat on the Rams board and the full rights to use the Rams name and trademarks in merchandise. They’d also have the right of first refusal on the acquisition of additional shares[1].

In all, it wasn’t a bad deal, though three big issues loomed over everything: revenue potential, NFL ownership limitations, and NFL merchandising rules. The first big issue was that the LA Rams in 1995 were a losing team with a shrinking fanbase. Miller made the point that with the Raiders now back in Oakland that they’d have a local monopoly. He pointed to Disney’s success with the Avengers and Angels. Even so, it was a far bigger acquisition than the two smaller teams, and the fact that Miller used to play for the Rams gave it the appearance of something done for his own ego rather than done in the best interests of the shareholders of the Walt Disney Entertainment Company. This last aspect made selling the idea to the board much more complicated.

The second issue, and one which nearly sunk any deal, was that NFL bylaws specifically prevented corporate ownership of an NFL franchise[2]. In fact, ownership of any NFL team was limited to a maximum of 25 total “owners”, the largest of whom must own at least 30% as the “main” owner with full and unlimited executive control of the team. This last part not only gave the main owner the power to relocate or drastically change the team at their own discretion, but it prevented public ownership or public trade of shares in an NFL franchise, the sole exception being the Green Bay Packers, who had a pre-NFL grandfather clause that allowed public ownership, with the fans themselves being the principal stakeholders. Notably for what was to come, this last part, that the fans themselves were blocked from ownership or any say in the fate of their team, and that they could lose their home team at the whim of capricious owners, stuck in Henson’s craw.

Henson himself had no major opinion on the Rams deal itself. It seemed like a bit of a strategic risk, but so was the decision to create the Anaheim Avengers and the decision to launch Port Disney and Disneyland Valencia. Or his personal decision to make a play for Disney to begin with back in 1980. Risk was a part of the job. He had no personal love or hate for the deal, but he now felt compelled to use the deal to right an injustice as he saw it. He’d soon get an opportunity to do just that.

The third issue, which greatly complicated Miller’s case, was that the NFL centrally managed all merchandise. All NFL merchandise and corporate partnership deals were arranged across all teams by the NFL Trust, and the proceeds then distributed more-or-less equally among the teams. It was an arrangement that in theory protected the small teams and prevented price wars between them, but which removed one of Miller’s principle selling points for the deal: the potential profits for Disney-specific merchandising, which was the real cash cow for the Angels and Avengers.

Roy Disney, who once again leaned on his friend and financial advisor, the cantankerous Stanley Gold, to speak for him, openly opposed the deal. “It’s a bad deal, it’s a shitty team, and we can’t even control merch!” Gold was fond of saying. Since Miller’s announcement of the tentative deal (pending board approval) that March, Gold had loudly argued against it, presumably speaking for Disney, who remained quiet as usual. Even before Wells returned, Henson was working to bridge the divide between Miller and Disney on the issue, but Disney remained firm in his opposition to the buy. “Two sports teams is enough, Jim,” Disney told Henson.

By early 1995 the Disney buy was an apparent non-starter (the NFL refused to budge on its corporate ownership rules) and Frontier started talking to Stan Kronke about a similar deal to the one offered to Disney, one which would see the team move to St. Louis, leaving the LA Metro area without an NFL team for the first time in decades. At first Miller was left defeated, and Roy Disney rather smug about the deal evaporating. But then Miller proposed a different approach: what if he, or, more specifically, the Disney-Miller Family via Retlaw Enterprises, became the owner? Disney could finance, manage, and take principal ownership over the new stadium (no rules prevented corporate ownership of a stadium) and in exchange make special merchandising and cross-promotional deals with the Rams. However, Miller didn’t have the cash personally and the rest of the Disney family and Retlaw trustees were resistant to what looked like a trophy asset requiring a questionable and risky leverage buy. They determined that they could at most risk leveraging Disney stock to back a loan of around $30 million, far less than the over $100 million Frontier wanted. This avenue too looked like a dead end.

Steinberg on a call with Miller (Image source New York Times)

But then “super-agent” Leigh Steinberg started the Save our Rams campaign, ultimately organizing a group of 125 businessmen with a combined $60 million raised[3]. With or without Disney support on the stadium, Ron and Steinberg’s group agreed to join forces. However, with the assumed debt, Ron now needed the Rams to make a profit to cover the interest on those debts, and so he really needed that new stadium, and that required Disney to step in. Miller, increasingly a “Lame Duck” CEO whose influence was waning with his recently announced retirement, pushed hard for the deal, and Henson, though not particularly enthused by the deal, stuck by Miller largely out of loyalty. But the deal hinged on the board seeing the stadium itself (a $250-300 million proposal) as a valuable asset, which was a tough sell with most stadiums having very marginal returns even when used for venues beyond sports.

The board was at an impasse. The Disney-Millers and Hensons supported the deal, the Disneys opposed it, and the rest were divided.

But then a new complication arose: Miller and Steinberg were being outbid by Kronke. They needed another at least $15-20 million and the Disney board wasn’t about to loan Ron the money for a variety of fiscal and ethical reasons. Jim briefly considered joining in, but then another option surfaced, one which would give him the opportunity to strike back at what he saw as an inherently unjust rule on fan ownership.

"I've been informed that there may be another option..." (Image source disney.fandom.com)

This happened when Disney’s Legal Weasels brought to the board’s attention the recent case of Sullivan v. NFL. In 1991 Billy Sullivan, facing financial woes, tried to sell 50% of the New England Patriots by Initial Public Offering, which was a complete breach of NFL rules, and thus blocked by the NFL. He ended up selling his shares to another individual for less than they were arguably worth, but then sued the NFL under antitrust grounds because he would hypothetically have gotten a fair market price at IPO. He lost the first case, but appealed in 1994, accusing the NFL of breaching the Sherman Antitrust Act through the ban on share sales or shareholder ownership. The appeals court agreed, but they tossed the case back for retrial due to various technical and procedural issues, so the antitrust ruling was never binding. Sullivan and the NFL settled, with the NFL paying $116 million out of court, fearing the broader implications should they lose the antitrust case.

This antitrust cause was further bolstered when Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, was getting increasingly disgruntled with NFL rules on merchandise. Sullivan v. NFL fresh in his memory, he launched a lawsuit challenging the centralized merchandising model used by the NFL on antitrust grounds. During discovery, the Cowboys were able to demonstrate that, through stadium programs and other means, that the rest of the teams in the league were doing the same thing as Dallas: selling merchandise independent of the NFL Trust[4], just at a smaller scale.

And Jim Henson, now proving to be as much of a business visionary as a creative one, hatched a plan that would not only rescue the deal and the LA team, but change the NFL forever.

While trying to sell Disney on the idea of going in on the stadium deal, Henson remembered the Knights Errant campaign, which helped “save” Disney from the Kingdom Acquisitions group. Noting that there were roughly 40,000 attendees to any given Rams game in 1994 – and if you were watching the Rams in 1994, then you truly were a die-hard fan, because they were at rock bottom – Henson realized that if they all put up on average $500 (a reasonable amount in his mind when Rams individual ticket prices started at $60) that would be another $20 million. They could sell 400,000 shares in a trust for $50 each, with growing perks for each “level” of share buys and special giveaways. More importantly to the egalitarian Henson, it also gave the fans a significant stake in the team and a voice to stop any future move from happening—and the implicit threat to dump their shares should the team ever move. Henson, though not really a football fan, personally launched the “Rams Fans to the Rescue” campaign, putting in a $2 million seed pledge himself and finding the LA Fans, who were immensely upset at the proposed St. Louis deal, very receptive, quickly netting the $20 million goal and in the end having to turn away funds.

This plan, however, would require a legal challenge to the NFL over the public ownership clause, but while they were at it, they could force the issue on merchandising, using the threat of joining the Jerry Jones lawsuit as leverage.

The NFL was thus presented with a choice: either give the Rams (and by extension anyone else who asks for it) the same sort of deal the Green Bay Packers have in terms of allowing multiple owners and shareholders, and relax the merchandising laws, or fight an antitrust case that the Sullivan case demonstrated that they would likely lose. The merchandising deal remained a sticking point, but the Disney Legal Weasels demonstrated up front that the rules weren’t being followed anyway and that the Rams’ proposed new partnership with Disney on merchandise was equivalent to everyone else’s, just higher profile.

Fearing twin-lawsuits from Jones and Disney, the NFL at first offered a compromise deal on a merchandise-sharing arrangement between the NFL and Disney. The Disney board was at first very open to the deal, but Henson, backed by a very promising analysis by the Legal Weasels, insisted on rejecting the deal and pushing further. Stanley Gold was incensed at this “dangerous gamble” and even more incensed that Jim Henson was the largest personal stakeholder in the Rams Fans Trust, which like the Retlaw involvement looked increasingly to him like Miller and Henson abusing their positions in order to enrich themselves. He, speaking for Roy Disney and Peter Dailey, pushed hard for Disney to take the deal, but Miller and Henson, backed by Frank Wells (which Gold saw as a small betrayal by his old friend), managed to get the board to reject the deal. Henson’s stubbornness was soon vindicated when the NFL settled early, fearing that the court case would drag on with increasing risk to them of a broad antitrust judgement[5]. They also conceded that the Disney proposal still met the spirit of the NFL rules: there would be one main owner who had executive control (Frontiere), the Save our Rams and Rams Fans Trusts could technically each count as a single “owner” since the investors technically owned shares of the Trust, not the team directly (though for all legal intents and purposes they were effectively shares of the team), and the NFL would retain the right to veto any transfer of ownership.

The final deal saw Frontiere offered $110 million for 55% of the team: 30% to the Save our Rams Group (represented by Steinberg), 25% to Retlaw (represented by Ron Miller), and 10% to the Ram Fans Trust[6] (represented at first by Henson, but soon replaced by an elected fan representative). Frontier would officially stay the “Main Owner” for NFL purposes as the largest single shareholder with 45%, but the rest, working together, could stop any undesirable plans, such as a move.

But Miller and Henson still had to sell the stadium deal to the board, with all agreeing that the formal vote should wait until Wells formally assumed his duties as CEO. Roy Disney remained in open opposition, his dislike for the deal exacerbated by the fact that the hated Retlaw would be the actual part-owner of a team that stood to directly benefit from the new Disney built, owned, and operated stadium. But the stadium deal, which held guaranteed revenues from ticket prices, parking, concessions, and on-site merchandise, was an easier sell than the team itself for most of the board, particularly as Disney could then use the stadium for Disney-run events from concerts to sports camps to special events or rent it out to third parties. And on top of that, the ability for Disney to manage their own merchandise and make independent merchandising deals with only a rubber-stamp concurrence from the NFL Trust, offered even greater profits. Disney even approached other NFL teams about special limited edition Disney merch with their team’s logos for when the team came to play the Rams. Similar deals would be forged for the NHL and MLB for teams playing the Avengers and Angels.

While still Acting Chairman, Henson spent quite a lot of his time and energy between March and May lobbying the directors in favor of the stadium deal and working with the Legal Weasels as the discussions with the NFL and Frontiere and the City of Anaheim continued. Henson, backed by COO Stan Kinsey, had little luck in swaying Roy Disney, but had better luck with the other directors. Bill Marriott, seeing the games and events as an opportunity to drum-up hotel occupancy in Anaheim, where they had a substantial share of hotel space both with Disney and on their own, supported the deal, and urged his representative on the board, Al Checchi, to support it. Sid Bass, through his representative director Charles Cobb, waivered at first before ultimately getting behind the deal, in part because of Bass’s love of football, which he called the “national sport of Texas”.

“It’ll give me a team to root for besides the Cowboys and whoever is playing the Redskins,” Bass joked.

Miller, with the force of his enthusiasm, wore down most of the board with Jim Henson’s help, and in May 1995 Miller and Frontriere formally announced the deal for Retlaw’s investment in the Rams and Disney’s plans to build the new Anaheim Stadium adjacent to the Angels’ Arena in partnership with the City of Anaheim. This was followed shortly by an announcement that Disney would take a 25% share of the Angels as well as direct management over the team. And with growing stakes in sports teams, sports resorts, and sports-related items, and even a Disney Good Sports channel on Basic Cable, Disney formally spun up a Disney Good Sports Department as a “finger” of Disney Resorts & Recreation.

The whole situation, in particular the role played by super-agent Leigh Steinberg, would even inspire a Hyperion film directed by Cameron Crowe[7].

In the end, Miller, Henson, and Kinsey managed to win over both Bass Brothers and Marriott (the former due to an innate “love of the game” and the latter due to the obvious synergy with hotels) and thus had the critical mass of directors. But two directors still openly opposed the deal: Roy E. Disney and his brother-in-law and “second seat” Peter Dailey. Gold continued to openly agitate against the deal, which he saw as a Ron Miller ego trip and flagrant conflict of interest given the Retlaw connection. Despite the strong urging by Henson and new CEO Frank Wells to vote unanimously in favor of the deal in a show of unity, both Disney and Dailey voted “no” when it came up for a vote on June 14th, Henson’s first official day as Disney Chairman, not just Acting. The deal passed on a vote of 8-2.

The “dissention on the board” for such a major deal sent shockwaves through Wall Street which, combined with pessimism over the potential of the Rams themselves, sent Disney stocks slightly lower in volatile trading. Worse yet, Roy’s intransigence made clear that, despite the best efforts of Jim Henson to play peacemaker over the last decade, a serious rift remained between the Walt and Roy sides of the Disney family.

It was hardly an auspicious beginning to Henson’s official reign as Chairman.

[1] A similar deal was made with Stan Kronke in our timeline to move the Rams to St. Louis. In this timeline the St. Louis Stallions will spin up as an expansion team. And a big helmet-tip to @El Pip and @jpj1421 for the research and planning of this crazy subplot and all that follows.

[2] This clause sunk an attempt in 1996 in our timeline by Disney and MCA/Universal to bring an NFL team to LA.

[3] Per our timeline, where it was not successful in preventing the Rams from moving to St. Louis.

[4] The Sullivan case and Jones lawsuit are both per our timeline.

[5] Similar concerns drove them to quickly settle with Frontiere in our timeline over the St. Louis deal.

[6] The Rams Fans is treated as a Trust of sorts: fans can sell their share of ownership of the Trust to other people and the dividends paid out to Rams shareholders will go to the Trust first and then distributed out proportionally to the Fan shareholders, because the legal situation is that they don't technically own any of the Team, they just own a Trust that owns 10% of the Team (a legal fiction that keeps the NFL sort of happy that their rules weren't completely broken). However, if the Fans Trust itself wants to sell its stake in the team (or buy more) then the NFL get a veto on it like any other ownership stake. That said, if the fans were to sell off their stakes in the Trust en masse, that could seriously affect the Rams market value through indirect reductions to share price, giving them a potent weapon to oppose any strategy that they didn’t like, such as a team move.

[7] In our timeline this became Jerry Maguire starring Tom Cruise.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 19, 2022

Chapter 7: The Return of the King (Cont'd)
Excerpt from The Visionary and the Vizier, Jim Henson and Frank Wells at Disney, by Derek N. Dedominos, MBA.

Henson’s next big action as Chairman was one that was even less auspicious, though in this case the board was unanimous, if disheartened, in their support for it: the closing of Disneytown St. Louis. The St. Louis Disneytown had been the “heart” of the Disneytown project, not only for being in the heartland of the country, but for being at the heart of the Disney family. Walt himself had pursued a small Disneyland in St. Louis back in the 1960s and the Disneytown was seen as an accomplishment of one of Walt’s dreams. It was a Disneytown very close to Walt’s home town of Marceline and one directly modeled on Marceline “in its heyday”. Where other Disneytowns emulated Adventureland or Tomorrowland, DTSL was tied to Main Street USA. They’d spared no detail and no expense.

When Dreams Die... (Image by @Denliner)

But they’d also faced something that Walt’s original plan hadn’t: an entrenched competitor. Six Flags St. Louis was already an established and popular theme park, and with the announcement of the Disneytown, Six Flags’ owner, rival studio Warner Brothers, vowed to stamp out the upstart competitor. WB accelerated existing plans to turn Six Flags St. Louis into a full Warner Movie World. Accusations of poaching talent and undercutting prices were made and ultimately ended up in courtrooms as Disney took things personally.

But in the end, the court cases went nowhere as Disney had no case. They were simply at a disadvantage from the start. Six Flags was larger, closer to downtown, already tied into existing public transit routes, and had an established audience. WB’s lobbying with the City of St. Louis that helped block attempts to build the Disneytown within the St. Louis metro itself (instead shunting it off to Eagle Creek, Illinois, across the river) was deemed by the judge to be not substantially different than past Disney efforts to oppose the creation of Universal Studios Florida in Orlando. No evidence could be brought up to support claims that Warner was tricking DTSL guests into performing at Six Flags (the one major incident where a musician who was scheduled for DTSL got picked up at the airport by a Six Flags chauffeur was deemed a mistake). Six Flag’s slashing of ticket prices and issuing of incentives was a valid response to increased competition.

In the end, High Hopes and Good Feelings built on personal emotional investments were no match for a larger, better positioned park with an established customer base. And after the expense of all of the new Disney resorts, big and small, the expense of trying to upgrade DTSL into a real competitor for the Warner Movie World was simply not worth the risk. DTSL was a failure and the only responsible course of action was to admit defeat and close the gates, the first Disney resort to ever permanently close.

No one on the board faulted Wells or Henson (the Disneys, the Millers, the Basses, the Marriotts, and the Hensons had all enthusiastically backed the St. Louis expansion), but it was still a heavy burden for Henson to be the one to formally announce their intention to close the struggling Disneytown. Tears were seen on the board as they unanimously voted to shutter the resort.

They held a “Last Bash Under the Arch” celebration that October just prior to the regularly scheduled fall partial closure and then formally closed the gates to Disneytown, St. Louis, one last time. The irony that they were nowhere near the St. Louis Arch, and that this fact alone was a large part of the reason for the failure, was not missed by the press. In a show of professional courtesy, Six Flags didn’t schedule any competing events for the night and instead WB Chairman Terry Semel sent the Disney board a kindly worded letter expressing that he respected Disney as “honorable competitors” and held no personal animus to Disney, and indeed he hoped that there were no hard feelings from Disney. Jim, with the full support of the Disney board, responded with a similarly kind and respectful letter.

Over the next few months, Disneytown St. Louis was systematically demolished. Anything salvageable, from rides to facades to rugs to office furniture, was reclaimed and taken to WDW for reuse or repurposing. Anything with the Disney name or a Disney character (even the “hidden Mickeys”) was taken out or painted over since nobody wanted to see the Disney name or one of its icons moldering and rusting away in a future newspaper photograph. Any salvageable metal was sold for scrap. Eventually, only a graffiti-covered skeleton of a building complex remained, with only faint traces that this was ever an outpost of The Happiest Place on Earth.

Adding to the damage, Warner Movie World Paris broke ground in 1994 and was by all accounts on schedule to open in 1997, where it was fully expected to take a sizeable chunk out of Disneyland Valencia’s revenues just as it approached breaking even.

The next months didn’t get much easier for Wells and Henson. Henson felt trapped by the added personal security due to the terror threat, even as he gained a certain affection for the never-smiling “living statue” Sonny, whose Sahara-dry humor never ceased to amuse him. The board was also increasingly critical of the ongoing production of The Road to Ruin, an “Old Hollywood Musical” starring Robin Williams and Wayne Brady that the studio had resisted and only pursued at Henson’s insistence as CCO. Industry insiders, noting the lack of any notable market for Musicals that didn’t feature cartoon characters, were predicting a massive flop and inevitably joking about how “on the nose” the title was. Director Francis Ford Coppola had already blasted through his $40 million budget, and comparisons to his disastrous 1981 musical One From the Heart, which bankrupted his American Zoetrope Studios and left him burdened with debt for over a decade, were inescapable. Comparisons to Henson’s advocacy for the infamous flop Toys just five years earlier were similarly unavoidable.

Some directors began to openly suggest that it might be time to kill the project and cut their losses. Wells spoke for a long time with Henson, MGM Vice Chair and The Road to Ruin Executive Producer Bernie Brillstein, and Coppola. All insisted that the idea would work, though Wells detected some hesitation on Brillstein’s part. He gave the project his tentative continued support, but warned Henson that if this crashed, as every Hollywood insider was predicting, that it would be Henson who absorbed all of the blame.

“Frank,” Henson said, “I’m taking full responsibility for this film, hit or miss.”

For Brillstein, though, other ideas were percolating. Rumors abounded that MCA/Universal and Capital Cities/ABC were continuing their ongoing merger talks even in the wake of Michael Eisner’s hasty departure. Rumors persisted that MCA/Universal Chairman Lew Wasserman and Universal Studios CEO Sidney Sheinberg were both considering retirement and saw the deal as a way to make a graceful and profitable exit.

Brillstein had his eye on a strategic response to this potential merger: the acquisition of rival network NBC for Disney. Brillstein had worked closely with NBC for decades, counting Lorne Michaels and most of the Saturday Night Live cast and crew among his former clients. Since coming to Disney he’d helped produce or greenlight such breakout hits and legendary productions as Production!, The Golden Girls, Salem Falls, and Jerry. NBC and the Hyperion TV channel on Cable had a long-running symbiotic relationship whereby underperformers on NBC would be moved to HTV and breakouts on HTV would be moved to NBC. HTV even gained a reputation as “NBC’s dumping ground” or “NBC’s graveyard” or, more charitably, “NBC’s Recycling Center”. It was a profitable relationship for both parties.

When a Mouse Meets a Peacock?

NBC was in the midst of a turbulent time. On one hand they had some of television’s top-rated shows, such as ER and Friends Like Us. On the other, the fallout of Bill Cosby’s sexual assault trial and conviction sent NBC stocks tumbling to a 10% loss at one point on unproven speculation that NBC had known of the crimes and attempted to cover them up. Garth Ancier had taken over from Warren Littlefield as NBC Entertainment President, with Littlefield largely seen as a sacrificial lion to stem the controversy. Since that time, NBC had dropped to second place in the ratings behind a surging PFN, under Littlefield, and were neck-and-neck with CBS and ABC. NBC’s owners, General Electric, were unhappy with the turmoil and looking for options.

Brillstein made some inquiries to Ancier and NBC Chairman Bob Wright, and found that Chairman and CEO Jack Welch of General Electric (the current owner of NBC) was amenable to negotiation. It turns out that GE, hoping to spin up assembly lines for the manufacture of renewable energy sources while taking advantage of the federal dollars and incentives that came with the Green Growth Act of 1994, were in need of liquid cash[1]. Brillstein met with MGM Chair Tom Wilhite and then with Henson and Wells. Henson and Wells spoke with the board, who approved opening up discussions with GE.

Formal negotiations began. Jack Welch had found NBC to be a challenging subsidiary since it was so far removed from GE’s core business ventures. However, the sheer profit potential from entertainment, despite the volatility, kept him and the GE board interested in staying invested in some way. The potential Disney deal, which was ultimately negotiated as a cash-and-stock deal that included nearly $1 billion in cash and a roughly 10% stake in Disney for the GE Corporation, was quickly approved by the GE board. But the Disney board was more reticent.

This time Roy Disney would be the champion of the deal (with Gold maintaining that it was “a good fit” with a “high degree of synergistic potential”) while Diane Disney Miller would be the one to question the deal. She noted in particular the “hip, young, urban” demographic that NBC attracted, and the “Manhattan attitude” of the management, and maintained that NBC would clash culturally with the larger Disney organization. She also quietly expressed her concerns that the bombastic and aggressive Jack Welch would try to dominate the board or orchestrate a takeover. Gold openly accused her of trying to sabotage the deal “just because Roy likes it”, further straining relations between the two sides of the family.

Bass supported the deal, as his own business ventures often overlapped with GE’s, with GE-made wind turbines and solar panels set to be installed on Bass-owned land in the Texas Panhandle. Marriott held no strong opinion either way and Al Checchi became the one to neutrally investigate the cost and risk of the proposed deal. He and his outside valuators ultimately called the deal “a fair value” at current market prices and supported the acquisition. Henson had the critical mass to approve the deal, but he hoped to avoid another embarrassing split by one of the major shareholders, so he kept the deal on hold until he could get Diane’s assurance that the vote would be unanimous.

Things took on a greater urgency that August when MCA/Universal and Capital Cities/ABC formally announced an all-stock merger valued at over $8.5 billion, creating one of the largest media empires yet seen, with Capital Cities Chairman Tom Murphy set to take over as Chairman and CEO for the combined company and MCA/Universal Chairman Lew Wasserman to enter into retirement. Similarly, Jeffrey Katzenberg would take over the combined Universal Studios Group as well as assume the role of CCO, Bob Iger would become the head of the ABC Television Group, and Sumner Redstone would ascend as Universal Entertainment Company President and COO.

Brillstein redoubled his efforts to salve Disney-Miller’s concerns, making it clear that he “knew NBC inside and out” and that there’d be “little to no culture shock.” Dick Nunis backed him up, noting the potential of the network to play Disney content and advertise the Disney resorts. Satisfied, Disney Miller abandoned her objections and agreed to support the deal.

That September, the Disney board voted unanimously to approve the NBC merger with the formal deal to be signed and implemented that October. Ultimately, the deal amounted to just over $4.5 billion in total valuation, including just under $1 billion in cash and a 10.5% stake in Disney for GE. It would be Henson’s first big accomplishment as Chairman and Wells’ first big achievement as CEO.

[1] Hat tip to @El Pip.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 21, 2022

1995: A Monster of an Origin Story
Excerpt from Kaiju Kingdom! A Brief History of Massive Movie Monsters, by Gogota “Go” Jira

In the summer of 1995, Universal Studios released Kong: King of Skull Island[1]. It was the culmination of an ongoing attempt by Universal to bring Kong back to the big screen with the express intent to drum up visitation to the Kongfrontation attraction at the new Universal Studios Florida. Other than the 1992 animated series shared with Godzilla, there’d been no “Kong” productions since the 1970s. It’s also one of the few times that a prequel has been recognized for being as good as, if not better than, the original.

So, let’s talk about it, and the many reasons why it is as popular today as it was when it first aired in 1995.

The Production:

The film had languished in Production Hell through the late ‘80s and into the early ‘90s when MGM’s Jurassic Park debuted, and revealed what modern CG effects could accomplish. With Jurassic Park’s popularity, Universal immediately started looking to remake some more of their old monster films, in particular King Kong and Creature from The Black Lagoon. “King Kong Returns”, originally envisioned as a standalone film or possibly a reboot, was greenlit in late ’93 with a $50 million budget. Robert Zemeckis was hired to direct, but during pre-production on The Frighteners for the growing Tales from the Crypt film franchise, Zemeckis noticed that New Zealand director Peter Jackson was obsessed with King Kong, and thus hired him as a script consultant, second-unit director, and understudy.

Jackson and Zemeckis ditched the earlier reboot idea and instead developed a prequel story that would both set up, and be a love letter to, the original Universal 1933 classic. It shifted its name to “Kong, the Beginning” and then to Kong: King of Skull Island. They developed the story of a castaway who, through his experiences on the island, learns to find himself, befriending the natives and learning the true story of Kong. It was a “going native” formula that had proven successful for Dances with Wolves a few years earlier and had great promise in this case, they felt. The film would also feature an “origin story” for Kong himself, deliberately seeking to “humanize” the great ape, as it were, making him a deeply sympathetic character such that his death in the “original” becomes that much more tragic. A Victorian setting was selected both to set it as a prequel to the original 1933 picture, and because the Victorian era had largely inspired the whole “lost world” archetype, and thus ultimately King Kong.

“The Victorian Era was an age of exploration and discovery, with its brave and clever scientific adventurers going out to all corners of the world and studying and recording what they found. I saw this film as a salute to the old 19th century adventure stories of Robert Louis Stevenson and Joseph Conrad.” – Peter Jackson

One of the first production obstacles was the problematic nature of the Skull Island natives, something that Zemeckis in particular acknowledged as an unfortunate leftover from the original 1933 film. Zemeckis and Jackson agreed to work together to mitigate some of the unfortunate relics of the older screenplay, as well as the inherent Eurocentric bias of the 19th century adventure story tropes it used. They attempted to flesh out and humanize the natives, hiring language and cultural experts to give the natives a Melanesian-inspired culture and language appropriate to a dark-skinned culture in the eastern Indian Ocean.

What, me problematic? (Image source “pintrest.com”)

What emerged was, effectively, an alternate viewpoint to the classic King Kong story. The idea would be that the original film only told half of the story, and was filtered through the perceptions and biases of the white Americans it starred. This film, though a prequel, would be something subtly subversive to the original rather than just a straight extended flashback, even as it reveled in its classic formula.

Billed as “the film franchise that inspired Jurassic Park” – at least until MGM lawyers sent Universal a cease-and-desist letter – Kong: King of Skull Island was filmed in 70mm, mostly on location in Hawaii and the Philippines (incidentally including at a few of the sites where Jurassic Park filmed). Zemeckis mostly handled the character and animatronic effects shots while Jackson’s second unit filmed lots of the long scenery shots that helped give the film its epic feel. The action is fast paced, with chases through the jungle, massive monster-vs.-monster battles, and epic clashes between the humans. Effects were done in a mix of animatronics by Totally Fun Entertainment and CGI in partnership with Peter Jackson’s new WETA Digital. The dinosaurs, unlike in the 1933 original, are active, warm-blooded, and smart enough to be threatening, which reflected the changes in paleontology since 1933.

Jackson originally envisioned a white British main character in the screenplay, with Liam Neeson specifically identified as a likely star. Denzel Washington, hot off of the success of Red Tails, was strongly considered, though this would have changed the themes noticeably and likely required another re-write. But in the end, Universal was pushing hard for the popular Tom Cruise, who eventually claimed the lead role and ultimately did a lot of his own stunts. Hallie Berry was then chosen for the native love interest Kai and an unknown actor, Isaac C. Singleton, was chosen as her brother and head warrior Keppa. James Earl Jones was hired to play The Kong Speaker, the de facto leader of The People.

(Image source “cinemablend.com”)

The Story:

The main narrative, set in the Victorian era, details Jack Conner (Cruise), who is a crewman on an American merchant steamer called the Manchuria. He’s a company man, with scientific interests, who spends most of his time being teased by intellectually inferior shipmates (who make fun of him for reading Darwin) and aggravated by intellectually inferior superiors. In several of these scenes, we see him treat the Indonesian crewmen with a level of subtly condescending parochialism that he clearly sees as polite and courteous but which most modern viewers recognize as “patronizing”. A particular scene is shortly before the attack on the Manchuria, where his captain reveals that the Indonesian crewmen are acting all jumpy - and orders him to find out (because he doesn't want to talk to the "coolies"). When Jack asks the Indonesians what's going on, one of the older men tells Jack they're nervous because the Manchuria is going awfully close to the legendary "Island of the Skull" where God dumped all his most terrifying creations. Jack listens with interest at the old man telling his grandfather's story about Skull Island (and then patronizingly tells the man that what he heard from his grandfather is mere superstition, in the manner one would tell a child about the monster in the wardrobe - Jack's interest in the story is merely as an anthropological tidbit.

He soon finds himself a castaway when his ship is destroyed by “something from beneath the waves”, and he soon washes up alone on a mysterious tropical island. He’s struggling to assemble supplies and shelter from the flotsam washing up on the beach when he finds a large sheet of paper and a fountain pen. He names the island Skull Island for the skull-like appearance of the central mountain, and starts drawing it on the large sheet of paper.

Jack starts to explore further into the island, sketching out a map on the paper, and almost immediately is left scrambling for his life as he encounters an impossibly huge great ape (Kong, obviously), who chases him in a primal rage. Jack barely escapes into the forest. He tries to survive on the island, but soon he encounters more of the “prehistoric beasts” who live there, ultimately chased by a pack of ravenous Terror Birds[2].

“Have a look at this li’l beauty!” (Image source “reddit.com”)

Running from the Terror Birds, Jack stumbles across a camp of island natives. Despite some initial misunderstandings and distrust, he is declared “mostly harmless” by the head warrior Keppa (Singleton) and is allowed to live with the tribe, who call themselves “The People”. The Kong Speaker (Jones), the de-facto leader of the tribe, is reluctant to allow the newcomer in, but Keppa speaks for him.

While living with The People, Jack falls instantly in love with a young woman named Kai (Berry), whom he learns is “forbidden from marriage”. He befriends Kai and slowly teaches her some English and she in turn teaches him some of their language (a form of Melanesian). At first Jack thinks fairly little of the “primitive natives” as he describes them in his notebook, and sees them, and the island as a whole, as mere subjects to study. He is unintentionally insensitive to Kai, not aware that he's casually saying things to her and about her people that are rude and condescending. But this mellows as he starts to appreciate the “subtle wisdom” of The People. Even so, he wants to return to “civilization” and starts building a large boat (to the bewilderment of the natives), hoping to share his "discovery" with the world, planning to come back with a proper expedition in order to "shine the light of discovery on it".

Kai takes Jack to some ancient ruins (which Jack adds to his map) and tries to tell him about how her people abandoned the “old ways” because their actions were “at conflict with the island”, but Jack considers this superstition and a “tragedy” that the old city fell and states the old city most likely was destroyed in an earthquake. Jack tells Kai about his plans to tell the world about Skull Island, but is left speechless when she asks what will happen to her people if he does. Jack once again encounters the giant ape with Kai. The ape roars and Jack tries to flee, but Kai stops him. She is overcome with happiness to see the giant and bows to him joyously. She tells Jack that his name is “Kong”, the first time the name is heard on screen. Scared but intrigued, particularly as he discerns that The People revere Kong as “their god” as he sees it, he sets out to scientifically study the “strange beast” from afar.

Kai relates the history of “Great Kong” as she was told by her mother’s mother. This sets up a sub-narrative from Kong’s perspective with flashbacks to centuries prior detailing Kong's birth and how he was orphaned at a young age, leaving him the last of his kind. It begins with Kong’s birth and proceeds through a flowing montage to a pivotal scene with his parents feeding peacefully in a clearing. Little Kong is chasing giant insects, like a kid chasing butterflies. It's a peaceful scene of family togetherness...until Kong stumbles across a giant Tyrannosaur-like beast, which attacks! Kong's father fights the dinosaur in defense of his mate and son, biting the dinosaur savagely on the face, while Kong's mother gets Kong to safety.

Kong's mother keeps her son hidden in a cave, the sounds of her mate fighting the dinosaur echoing in the depths. Eventually, the noises stop and Kong and his mother cautiously emerge from the cave. But the Tyrannosaur, its face covered with Kong's father's blood and some distinctive new scars from Kong’s father’s bite, emerges, roaring, from the mist. It now attempts to eat little Kong, but Kong's mother fights it and manages to drive it off. However, she too is mortally wounded and dies soon after. Little Kong runs to his dead mother and tries in vain to revive her, not yet capable of understanding what is going on. He crawls back to the cave and lies, terrified and alone, as the sounds of the Skull Island night echo around him.

The scene has gone down in Kaiju history as a cinematic tearjerker of monstrous proportions, and plenty of ‘90s kids, myself included, will recall weeping their eyes out at the scene.

The story-within-a-story continues in flowing montage of short set pieces, occasionally narrated in voiceover by Kai, following Kong as he grows up. It’s a hard life, constantly fighting to survive. In one set piece an adolescent Kong is attacked by The People who live there in their big city at this point. Their slash-and-burn farming methods are shown to be slowly killing the island by disrupting the ecological balance.

(Image source “fantasy-animation.org”)

As the flowing montage continues, Kong matures and fights his way to be the “king of the island”, ultimately symbolized by him killing the scar-faced Tyrannosaurus that killed his parents in a brutal melee. He then demolishes the city and attacks The People on sight, who flee him in terror. But this all changes in a set piece where Kong drives away a group of Spanish Conquistadores who seek to pillage the island and enslave The People, which leads the Skull Island natives to revere Kong as their protector. They tie up a screaming young woman in the runs of the city, left as an offering for him. Kong grabs her and carries her away, ending the flashback.

Kong is portrayed as the fair, but ruthless warrior-king of Skull Island, a proud, brutal, but honorable warlord who, through his strength and valor, made this hostile world his kingdom. Jack grows to admire the “beast” in a very “noble savage” kind of way, and is starting to warm more and more to the island. He then joins in a hunt, partnering with Keppa to kill a Hadrosaur-like dinosaur, and thus gets accepted by The Kong Speaker into The People. Keppa and Kai give Jack a necklace made of the teeth of the Hadrosaur he helped kill in symbolic welcome. Seemingly happy for the first time in his life, Jack begins to assimilate peacefully into The People and openly considers “burning his boat” and staying on the island…until, that is, he learns that the reason why Kai cannot be married is that she has been “chosen for Kong.”

Jack assumes that this means that she is to be sacrificed to Kong, and he is deeply disturbed in particular that she enthusiastically supports this plan since she truly believes that it will protect her people. Jack makes a plan to rescue Kai and take her away, but when he intervenes and tries to stop her from the “sacrifice” as she is tied up to the old ruins, he is dragged away, confused and terrified, by Keppa and the warriors of The People as Kong carries off the unresisting Kai, presumably to her death. Almost mute with horror at what he's just witnessed, he quietly calls The Kong Speaker a “monster” and walks away.

Heartbroken and rejected by The People, Jack plans to slip out into the island’s interior in a desperate attempt to rescue Kai. Keppa intercepts him and tries to stop him from going out “beyond the wall”, but their limited understanding of each other’s languages complicates things and Jack heads out as Keppa watches, shaking his head and shedding a tear.

Keppa: You do not understand! She…belongs to Kong! It is…best for him and for us! It was not what you might have thought....

Jack: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO THINK WHEN NOBODY TELLS ME THE TRUTH?! Why didn't you tell me that Kai was going to be sacrificed to that, that…monster? Why, Keppa?! Why?! (The awful realisation hits him, as Keppa hangs his head) You never trusted me, did you?

Keppa: No, no, I didn't. I liked you - after a while - but I never trusted you. None of us did. Because, no matter how hard you try, you're not like us - and you never will be.

Jack: (quiet, almost betrayed) Well, I trusted you. And now I'm going to get Kai back – I hope it isn't too late. We can finish this conversation if I come back. (runs off over the wall)

Keppa: Arrogant fool, you do not understand!!

Jack evades the Terror Birds and eventually finds Kong’s cave. He is appalled by the stacks of skeletons he encounters, all dressed in the same ceremonial garb that Kai wore for the ceremony. But instead of finding Kai dead, she is laughing and unafraid, bantering with Kong, who laughs and plays with her.

Kong then smells Jack and nearly charges to kill him for his intrusion, but Kai stops Kong. Jack learns that Kai isn’t a “virgin sacrifice” as he’d assumed, but a “bride”, one of a long line of special young women selected to be Kong’s “Queen”, as it were, platonic companions that help calm the troubled giant and help him to sleep through his nightmares using the ancient songs.

This, of course, sets up why Kong didn't eat Fay Wray’s Ann Darrow, but instead befriended her. She was simply the latest in a long line of companions.

Apparently Giant Apes don’t necessarily prefer blondes.

This moment of peace and clarity is short lived, however, as we now see a huge reptilian beast, identifiable by the distinctive fins on its back as the creature that attacked Jack’s ship in the beginning, emerge from the depths and walk onto the island. The Beast is a hideously ugly mishmash of a newt, a crocodile, a mosasaur and a river dolphin. Two large, sprawling front legs keep the creature low to the ground as it half-walks, half-slithers out of the water. The back half of the beast appears to be almost all tail, with two tiny, useless back legs trailing behind it. Crocodilian scutes line its back, leading to two large fins on its back, almost like bat wings. Its head is superficially dolphin-like, with a swollen-looking forehead (complete with rudimentary blowhole), tiny eyes and a pointed snout, but with lots of large, interlocking crocodile-like teeth. A large tongue lolls maniacally as drool cascades from its mouth.

The People flee in terror as it stomps through the village, eating a few people on the way, and then busts through the wall.

Sort of like this… (Image source “scified.com”)

Kong, smelling the invader, runs after it to defend his island, Jack and Kai running to keep up. Kong and the Beast fight in a massive melee. At one point the Beast has Kong pinned and is about to deliver a killing blow. Kai screams and runs to help, but is struck by the Beast’s tail. Kong manages to overcome and strangle the distracted Beast to death, but Kai is badly injured and dies in Jack's arms.

Kong, claiming Kai's body, turns his back on Jack, snubbing the interloper. When Jack does not move, Kong angrily half-charges him. Realizing the nature of his punishment, Jack falls to his knees and bows deeply to Kong, acknowledging his rule of the island and accepting his banishment. Jack, sad at the rejection, returns to The People, but finds that they’ve burnt his boat. Keppa chases him away, cursing him and his arrogance - and stating that he should have killed him when they first met.

Kong, meanwhile, sadly carries away Kai to his cave, where he reverentially places her body alongside the other skeletons adorned in the ceremonial clothing, presumably his past brides.

Rejected by The People, whose trust he realizes that he betrayed, Jack hobbles together a crude raft and sets out to the north, leaving the island. But he is now at the mercy of the waves, desperately holding onto the Hadrosaur-tooth necklace like a sort of prayer necklace. Just as death seems certain, he is rescued by a whaling ship with a peg-legged Captain. As the crew drag him from the waters, one crewman takes the tooth necklace, snorts derisively, and tosses it into the sea.

(Image source ERBzine)

Jack is last seen recovering in a stateroom, chanting a mantra of “one day, I’ll return and make things right” as he completes his map. We now clearly see that it is the map that Carl Denham, decades later, will discover, sparking the events of the 1933 film.

The Release:

Kong: King of Skull Island debuted in the summer of 1995 to rave reviews. Cruise, Berry, and Singleton were all specifically called out for their acting. Critics and academics applauded the themes of nature-vs-civilization, race, colonialism, and an overt criticism the “White Man’s Burden”. While Universal worked hard to mitigate the racist relics of the original movie, some still found offence with the portrayal of The People, in particular the association of Black people with a giant ape. Others decried it’s “political correctness” and “revisionism” compared to the original narrative. Still others accused the film of advocating bestiality, taking Kai’s “bride” title a little too literally, not to mention overlooking the, um, “logistical challenges” in making such a union happen. Yet such criticism was rare, with most viewers catching on to what the film was trying to say. To this day it’s appreciated for its open rebuttal of the still all-too-common “white savior” tropes.

Kong went on to break $353 million at the international box office and even gained a Best Picture nomination to the shock of many, along with nominations for Cruise and Berry. It would win Cinematography and Special Effects Oscars. The creature effects, though dated and limited due to the technology of the time compared to what we’re used to today, were eye-grabbing enough in 1995 to amaze viewers at the time. In 2002, for a special re-release ahead of Jackson’s King Kong remake, they took a cue from George Lucas and remastered the effects to take advantage of the improved realism then possible.

Buoyed by Kong’s success, Universal begin putting their Creature from The Black Lagoon remake into production. They asked Peter Jackson’s WETA Digital to do the effects and hired Roland Emmerich to write the script, with Jackson set to direct. Peter Jackson would also be selected to do a modernized update to the 1933 original, which would even use a modified version of the original script. King Kong would be released in 2002…but that’s a story for a future chapter.

The Legacy:

Kong: King of Skull Island, is beloved by fans of Kaiju and is credited with rejuvenating the King Kong brand and paving the way for the many Kaiju films of the 1990s and 2000s and beyond. It’s recognized today as one of the few prequel or origin films that lives up to the rest of the franchise, and many see it as a superior film to the original or the Peter Jackson near shot-for-shot remake.

If Universal’s original purpose of the film was to spur attendance at Universal Studios theme parks, then it succeeded big time, leading to a 14% increase in attendance at U. Studios Florida and a doubling of line wait times for the King Kong Encounter and Kongfrontation attractions in Hollywood and Orlando, respectively. This kicked off the inevitable round of one-upmanship by the various competing parks, to the benefit of us, the visitors.

Kaiju films have always had a core cult audience while the wider audiences’ interest waxes and wanes. And yet, like the original 1933 classic, Kong: King of Skull Island manages to stay in the hearts of viewers across the demographic spectrum, much like the original Jurassic Park that arguably inspired it, even as the original King Kong ultimately inspired the genre that led to Jurassic Park.

And while I’m clearly a “Gojira Man” myself, I still love this film as one of the greatest Kaiju films of all time. As a kid it amazed me and briefly had me rooting for Kong over Gojira, which didn’t last, cured ultimately by the 1997 Godzilla live action.

The ultimate personal legacy of this film is, for me, the very history that you are reading.

[1] Monstrous Kong-sized hat tip to @Nathanoraptor, @Plateosaurus, & @GrahamB for assisting in this creation.

[2] Chosen as not-so-obvious Velociraptor stand-ins.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 23, 2022

Krangoa (1995)
From “Eight Mockbusters of the last 25 years Actually Worth Seeing,” CulturePolice.co.uk Netsite, June 26th, 2012

Guest Post by @Plateosaurus

These, but as the more colourful mandrill, done so as to differentiate with King Kong and avoid potential lawsuit (Image source Samiler 25 on deviantart.com)

What it cashes in on: Kong: King of Skull Island

Notable actors: Nichelle Nichols, Clint Howard, and Patricia Richardson

Whom to blame: Jim Danforth and Dennis Paoli

Why it’s worth your bloody time:

Released by Full Moon Features, this unabashed B-movie Mockbuster tells the story of a group of anthropologists who travel to the titular African island to study the natives’ culture, only to find it is home to giant monsters, naturally, in particular a family of giant monkeys. Said scientists are struggling for funding from their university, and are getting desperate, and are thus willing to do some downright unethical things that no scientists of their time normally would. Naturally, the bumbling scientists have disturbed their existence, so the monkey business begins. Naturally.

The film is very much the child of stop motion artist Jim Danforth[1], who made the film’s stop motion effects and co-wrote the script with Full Moon horror alum Dennis Paoli. The effects are actually very impressive, even more so at a time when CG was becoming more and more dominant. Many of its set pieces are also quite good, such as the team trying to make their way across a bridge on its underside while escaping another monster. There’s also some interesting commentary on science’s history of racism, with many of the Krangoans being rather ambivalent to the scientists. One of them memorably snarks about if said scientists are going to sell their oral stories and tales to Disney and make some sort of resort here, while Nichols’ matriarch calls out a particularly condescending member when he dismisses the legend of the giant monkeys as mere myths, even after he's seen abundant evidence for them.

But for the most part, it's a simple Creature Feature as the bumbling scientists are pursued by a trifecta of critters on Land (the monkeys), Sea (crocodiles), and even Air (a giant, man-eating parrot!!). And their horrible, horrible behaviour helps make their ultimate, gory deaths all the more enjoyable.

Shakespeare? Hell no. But between just enough self-awareness and excellent performances as far as films like these go, you’ve got a solid film that holds up with or without being compared to a certain big ape (and at least it ain’t the average-at-best Zarkorr series!).

[1] Danforth attempted to make this in our timeline. Read about it here.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 25, 2022

Chapter 8: Something Approaching the Big Time (Cont’d)
Excerpt from All You Need is a Chin: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor by Bruce Campbell

So my role as Alex Evell on Superman 2 got me some positive attention, but mixed reviews. Siskel thought that I was hamming it up too much. Well, guess what, Gene? I was hamming it up! Joel specifically asked me to ham it up! It was a hammy role in a campy movie!

Whatever. Criticism goes with the job. You let it roll off of your back.

Still, though, I had a major supporting credit on a blockbuster film, and my own growing fandom (you lovely nerds!), so Paramount was happy to hire me to play US soldier and semi-reformed thief Jimmy “Fingers” Lucrezia in the Indiana Jones Odyssey miniseries in ’95 and, more critically, Universal didn’t push back when Sam cast me as the antagonist of Wolfman, Tucker Hightower, the greedy Chicago corporate guy who buys out Jack Nicholson’s leather goods factory in New Orleans and sets the plot in motion.

Not really this, but has shades of it

And yea, I got to work closely with Jack Nicholson, who played the protagonist Louis “Lou” Garreaux. I just wish I’d gotten a fraction of what they paid him, which amounted to the gross domestic product of several small nations.

And when I say that I “worked with Jack” I mean that we crossed paths three times when we shot scenes together and he spent the rest of his time in his trailer. He was a consummate professional on the set and, like a lot of those old Method guys, fully committed to the role the second the cameras rolled, but he was separate. He was the Big Star that the rest of us would orbit. Glen Close and John Goodman (who essentially cameoed as his prodigal siblings) could stand toe to toe with him, but I was eclipsed, which worked well on film when my cocky egoism smacks straight into a solid wall of Jack.

Still, he took the time to give me some simple advice: “Bruce, I hate giving advice because people never take it.” [1]

Um, great, thanks. I’ll take that one to heart.

Well, I did at least get to watch the maestro at work and witness that whole “Method” thing in action. Jack dragged Ted and Sam into his trailer to flesh out his character in detail. He’d be the oldest of three kids born to the founder of the family leather goods company, but he was also a rebellious and idealistic hippie in his youth who headed off to Haight/Ashbury and Woodstock and anti-war protests and all that. He took over as CEO from his dad mostly because neither of his lazy, entitled siblings showed much interest in it and because, in his idealism, he wanted to turn the factory into some great and equitable place for all of the employees. But reality struck back and now he’s jaded by his inability to completely balance the needs of the company in the era of outsourcing with his dreams of some sort of equitable worker collective, particularly since his brother and sister each own a third of the company and can outvote him. This frustration leads to anger and resentment as he feels impotent and struggles with feeling like a sell-out.

And with the combination of the hippie past and New Orleans setting, naturally Sam slipped in a couple of Easy Rider references, like having a recreation of the iconic football helmet on a shelf in the background and having Jack riding an old Harley to work[2].

And working on Wolfman was a blast. Barry Sonnenfeld produced and gave Sam all the space he needed. Sam and Ivan wrote the screenplay, setting the film in New Orleans because Sam liked the “spooky vibe” of all the Spanish Moss and cobbled streets. It also meant lots of location shoots, giving us the chance to abuse ourselves on Sazaracs, Bananas Foster at Brenan’s, and endless plates of fiery Cajun-Creole food and crawdads. Or bum it on Bourbon Street for Marti Gras, since naturally we had to get some footage of all that for the film.

Yea, acting’s a tough life.

The plot involved Jack’s Lou Garreaux being, as I mentioned, one of three siblings to inherit the family company, which makes purses and jackets and belts and the like out of leather and employs hundreds of local Americans. And while Lou is, despite being a bit of a jaded grump, a fair and honest boss trying to do what’s right by his employees, his brother and sister are entitled little you-know-whats who sell out their one-third shares to me, or, well, Tucker, the slimy head of Tucker Holdings, LLC. Lou is holding out on selling me his share of the company and introduces me to his workers and tries to build a case for keeping him in charge, but I warn him that if he doesn’t sell his share to me that I’ll move the whole shop to Mexico and put all of the employees on the street.

He relents and sells me his share. I move the shop to Mexico anyway. “Ya’ should’ve gotten it in writing, Lou!”

Yea, I was a real jerk, wasn’t I?

Lou is well off, but spends a lot of his fortune trying to pay his old employees’ rent and expenses while they look for new jobs, not that there are many good jobs to have, and he is forced to confront his own sense of entitlement to his inherited wealth and confronted with his own patronizing belief that he’s somehow supposed to be the savior here, particularly after one former employee flat out calls him out on it (“Save yourself, Lou, your money ain’t wanted here!”).

Eventually, naturally, he’s bitten by the Big Bad Wolf of Symbolism and…well, you know what happens! It’s right there in the title.

(Image source Den of Geek)

Lou, falling back on his old rebellious impulses and determined to be the Great Savior whether his help is wanted or not, uses his wolf strength to go on a Robinhood-like revenge quest against Tucker, who has reduced the factory to a simple distribution center for foreign sweatshop-made goods. The quality of the goods is for crap now as Tucker cuts every corner in the empty pursuit of wealth. So, Lou attacks my trucks and at one point kills a driver. Lou then breaks into the old factory, tears open the safe, and steals all the money, anonymously giving it to all of the former workers who lost their jobs.

Now, before you think that this is a happy little Robin Hood story with a happy little ending, rather than help his former workers, he gets them into trouble since, you know, suddenly they’re all flush with cash that was traced, naturally, to the safe and they were forced to give it all back, some now further in debt after buying things that they couldn’t return. Worse yet, his line foreman, “Tiny”, a former Saints lineman played by Michael Clarke Duncan, is the one the police blame for the attacks, specifically because he’s the only one with motive and opportunity that they figure is strong enough and big enough to fit the description of the witnesses. They assume that he was wearing a mask. Sam and Ted decided to tackle police profiling straight on, and soon Tiny is getting ramrodded by a self-serving DA with political aspirations into a false confession for Lou’s killings.

And damn, Mike was just…he stole the whole damn picture with that one scene. Sorry, Jack.

Anyway, Lou, facing up to the fact that he’s the one who caused this mess, driven by his ego rather than any real sense of justice, sets up a final confrontation that ultimately costs him his life and proves Tiny’s innocence, but not before killing me in the most gruesome and painful manner that the MPAA allowed Sam to get away with.

Yea, sorry, Universal. No sequels. At least not with Jack or Tucker.

Sam made it a tragic story, a dark narrative of idealism clashing with the harsh realities of life. It was all a metaphor for justice and righteousness and egoism and rage and perceptions. A tale of a once-idealistic hippie coming to terms with the modern world and his own wealth and privilege. The story of the Boomer Generation entering middle age. The story of a good man driven to evil, the whole lycanthropy thing really just symbolic of the repressed anger and desperation of a man from a specific time and place trying to come to terms with the life he’d lived.

It was also a gruesome creature feature with some wicked-cool animatronics by the Chiodos and some awesome practical effects as Wolfman Jack rips the side off of a truck with his bare claws. They also did a cool mix of practical makeup and CG for the creepy transformation sequences.

Wolfman Animatronic (Image source Pinterest)

So Wolfman, riding on the coattails of Dracula and Frankenstein, made bank, breaking $170 million against an $80 million budget driven largely by cast payroll (just not mine!). The effects were praised, Nicholson’s performance was praised, Duncan's performance was particularly praised, and, hey, I even got some decent reviews for my performance, not that you’d notice with Jack on the screen.

Would this be the big break? In the words of hack TV writers everywhere, stay tuned.

Well, for every gain there’s a loss, and in Sam’s case that loss was Wonder Woman and his ultimate plans for the Justice League, which would be born without him, but that’s another story. Sam was divorced from Warner by this point, had dumped ABC after a bad first date, and was still seeing Universal. While still with Warner, he’d set in motion a Wonder Woman movie, grabbing Joss Whedon to write the screenplay.

Sam losing WW even cost me a job, since I was supposed to play Trevor’s co-pilot [SIC] Lt. Gurney.

When Sam left Warner, they at first handed it to Joss, and he was all set to direct and even took over production partnership from Sam with his Mutant Enemy Productions. So far so good, right?

Yea, not so fast. Gloria Steinem found out that the man behind the cartoon version of Wonder Woman, i.e. Joss, was writing, producing, and directing the live action film and she blew a gasket. She’d lambasted his depictions of Diana and the Amazons in the cartoon as “fetishistic” and initiated a campaign to “Toss Joss”.

Well, it worked. Warner, who’d been trying to improve its record with female audiences after losing several top-notch female execs like Mira [Velimirovic], and who’d been trying to ride the “Girl Power” thing by heavily merchandizing Wonder Woman, and who reportedly didn’t care much for his script anyway, bought out his contract and brought in Kathryn Bigelow. Joss was not happy, but that’s how it goes.

Well, Kathryn took it over and made some key modifications to Joss’s script, moving the point of view from Steve Trevor back to Diana, downplaying Steve having to step in to save her from the cruelty of the modern world, and in general making it the story about how Diana finds love and learns about the darkness of the modern world, and yet becomes the instrument of change to improve it.

She also ditched the subtle (and occasionally not-so-subtle) nods to WW’s BDSM past that Joss had slipped in there. Sorry, ghost of Bill Marston!

A little bird told me that the studio was pushing for Sandra Bullock to play Diana, but Kathryn went for Catherine Zeta-Jones. I’m sure the name thing was a coincidence, right? Do K/Cathrerines stick together? Either way, Catherine Z-J is practically an amazon as it were, so hey, I liked the choice and I bet you did too. They brought in Brad Pitt as the love interest Steve Trevor and a then up-and-coming Angelina Jolie as the main villain Eris, even though Sam had essentially created the role for Lucy Lawless, whom he’d met through Lysia of Amazonia, which Ted was producing. Meanwhile, Joss had tried to reframe the role as Ares in order to highlight what he saw as his feminist themes, her literally fighting the patriarchy. Kathryn wanted female empowerment in a different way, though, without making it a battle of the sexes. Heroic Woman vs. Villainous Woman, both empowered in their own way, no man needed to define them.

Better that way? Worse? Everyone’s got an opinion and they all stink.

Well, you saw the movie[3]. Kathryn gave it all her dark and noir touch, contrasting the bright lights, open skies, and Classical values of Themyscira against the dark colors, claustrophobic streets, and selfish modern[4] values of Gateway City. Critics liked the cinematography and audiences loved the stylized action and the fight scenes. Joss was annoyed that they removed his giant mechanical chimera scene, citing the Kaiju craze, but the studio, who as you can guess underestimated you nerds based on the whining of a handful of angry virgins at Comicon, killed it to constrain the budget since they never expected WW to break $100 million.

(Image source DW.com)

And hey, despite their assumptions (or maybe because of them, since you girl nerds came out in large numbers) Wonder Woman did great at the box office ($227 million against a $45 million budget) even though some were predicting a disaster since, you know, boy nerds supposedly won’t watch female-led superhero films. I mean, young men are practically famous about not wanting to watch beautiful women in revealing costumes kick ass, right?

Anyway, I’d bet it would have done even better if they hadn’t run it against Spiderman 3 that summer, which was ultimately directed by Joss, but that’s another story.

And as for Sam, well, Universal soon announced that it was merging with ABC, and that Sam’s nemesis Jeffrey Katzenberg would be taking over the combined studios. Needless to say, Sam dropped out of the two-picture deal in the works with them, actually walking off the set of The Curse when the announcement was made.

Finally, Sam said to me, “I guess it’s time to call the Ex.”

[1] Adapted from a quote from our timeline.

[2] Captain America Motorcycle Helmet tip to Mrs. Khan for the “former hippie turned reluctant CEO” theme and Easy Rider references. The Easy Rider references will in turn lead, naturally, to fan theories that Lou is actually George Hanson, who somehow survived his beating, but this will be Jossed by Sam and Ted.

[3] Put quickly: Diana lives on the isolated Mediterranean island of Themyscira when USAF Captain Steve Trevor’s F-14 suffers mechanical trouble and he and his RIO have to eject. They wash up on Themyscira where Hippolyta wants to have them executed as “barbarian invaders”, but Diana, smitten with Trevor and overtaken by her repressed sense of compassion, fights for their lives and ends up winning the duel, but is banished for her disobedience and emotional “weakness”. She joins Trevor in Gateway City where she learns of the hard realities of the modern world in a big fish-out-of-water narrative, and must learn to lean on her compassion over her overt Amazonian sense of belligerent superiority. She also learns about a plot by Eris, who like Ares is disappointed that the prospects for peace are growing with the end of the Cold War, to sew discord and crime in a bid to turn the people of the world against each other. WW is at first defeated due to her arrogant assumption of her superiority and inability to trust the word of the “barbarians” of Gateway City, but in time learns to trust and value and sympathize with them. In an antithesis of Eris, she helps organize the people of the city to oppose Eris’ machinations, leading to the final defeat of Eris and the teasing of a future appearance by Ares in a sequel. Diana becomes Wonder Woman and stays to protect the people of her new home. Some, particularly second-wave feminists, will complain that Diana’s arc is to learn traditionally feminine values (compassion and empathy) and assume it’s a regressive view of femininity, but Bigelow maintains that it’s about the triumph and value of the feminine and the right of women to define themselves, a very third-wave feminist approach.

[4] Per the Joss screenplay and with Warner hoping to save money, they kept it set in the modern day rather than make it a period piece.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 26, 2022

An American Werewolf in America (1995), a Retrospective
From Swords and Spaceships Magazine, April 2009

The ‘90s were a weird time in entertainment. You had these huge blockbusters like Spider-Man and Jurassic Park made possible by special effects revolutions, in turn spawning kaiju films and disaster films. This led Universal to attempt to launch a series of reboots to their old Universal Monsters between 1991 and 1999, featuring such films as Barry Sonnenfeld’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula, David Cronenberg’s Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, David Fincher’s The Mummy, Sam Raimi’s The Wolfman starring Jack Nicholson, and the Roland Emmerich adaption of Creature from the Black Lagoon.[1]

In the midst of this, Mel Brooks got the idea to do one of his famous spoofs. He considered vampires and nearly launched a film titled “Mummy Dearest” (an idea he later adapted for Tales from the Crypt), but eventually settled on werewolves[2].

“I was going to call it ‘Tom Dick, and Hairy’ and make it about an accountant named Tom Dick – I hoped to get Jim Carrey or Michael Richards – who gets bitten by a werewolf while vacationing in Romania,” said Brooks. “Bernie Brillstein liked the general idea, but said we needed a ‘big idea.’ ‘You know, Mel, baby,’” he continued, impersonating Brillstein, “‘like how Blazing Saddles was about racism!’ Sure, I thought, no problem. Oy.

“So I assemble some writers and ask, ‘ok, what’s lycanthropy a great metaphor of?’ Someone says ‘Puberty! All the strange body changes and hair growth!’ and I say ‘That’s brilliant! It’s also Teen Wolf, you schmuck!’

“So, what was the opposite of puberty? Menopause? Someone recommended menstruation, ‘that time of the month’ and all, but Joss said ‘Pratchett already did that.’ Of course, the bastard turned around and did “That Time of the Month” for Tales from the Crypt the very next year, but I digress.

“Finally,” Brooks concluded, hitting his forehead with the heel of his hand, “Someone says ‘midlife crisis.’ And there it was! A middle-aged schlemiel having trouble adapting to life as a recent divorcee, goes on a trip to Romania, gets bit, bam, pow, he’s a werewolf. Now what?”

Now what indeed? Well, the result was An American Werewolf in America, starring Christopher Lloyd as the uptight cubicle drone Tom Dick, slaving away for 20-something middle manager Aiden (David Arquette), who’s the owner’s prodigal son and who, when he’s not abusing and emasculating Tom, is driving around Chicago in a Ferrari with a sexy blonde named Staci (Christina Applegate).

AIDEN walks by with a laughing blonde woman in a miniskirt (STACI) while TOM struggles with the misbehaving copier.

Aiden: Remember, two hundred copies on my desk by morning, and not a copy less, got it, Dick?

Tom: (irritated) Yes, Mr. Murphy.

Aiden: You know where the inbox is, right?

Tom: (smiles severely) Don’t worry, Mr. Murphy, I know just where to stick these copies.

And it just goes downhill from there. At the gym he’s mocked by a lunk. His karate lessons are a disaster (a ten-year-old kicks his ass). Some young women appear to be flirting with him at a stoplight, but are quickly revealed to be mocking him. Soon his wife leaves him and his teenage son Devin (Seth Green), who doesn’t respect him, is perfectly fine with the divorce, and happy to move across the country with mom at the end of the next month. A friend convinces Tom to “get out more”, which culminates in his trip to Eastern Europe to find his heritage (original last name Datcu, Anglicized to Dick at Ellis Island), but it’s a terrible vacation, culminating in him getting bit by a wolf when his Trabant breaks down in the middle of Transylvania on a rainy night.

Back in Chicago, he’s suddenly going through changes as it were. He’s having strange impulses and flashes of anger. He’s growing more assertive and confident. He rebels at the office, quits his job after tossing Aiden down the garbage shoot, and heads out on the town. At first, it’s a montage of liberation as he’s suddenly far more confident and sexier than ever before. Women are actually looking at him unironically! Even his receding hairline is growing back!

“Well, so much for my security deposit…” (Image source: Imágenes Españoles)

But after a few days, the full moon appears, causing him to wolf-out and rampage through the city, trashing everything, taking petty revenge on his ex-wife and others who harmed him, including trashing Aiden’s Ferrari while Aiden’s in it with Staci, and Tom wakes up the next morning with foggy memories and the sudden realization of the damage and danger he caused.

Worse yet, the news reports say that a woman was mauled and killed by “a large dog, possibly a wolf” that night, and Tom is certain that it must have been him.

TOM wakes up in a seedy motel room. A young woman is sleeping beside him. The room is trashed.

Tom: What in the hell happened?

The woman rolls over and is revealed to be STACI, his boss Aiden’s latest girlfriend.

Staci: (smiling seductively, running her fingers across his chest) Don’t you remember, tiger? A giant wolf was chasing me through the park and you somehow chased it off and saved me!

Tom: (looks around) Where are my clothes?

Staci: You were naked when you emerged from the bushes, so I assumed the wolf must have torn them off.

Tom: Oh, yea. (beat) That makes perfect sense.

Meanwhile, Aiden’s close call with the werewolf results in his dad Thaddeus Murphy (Mel Brooks) hiring eccentric and thick-accented werewolf hunter Lupu Barbaneagra (Rowan Atkinson, who takes direct and loving inspiration from Peter Sellers’ Clouseau) to track down the “beast” that attacked his “precious” son and kill it. Barbaneagra promises that “no beast haz ever ezcaped me.”

And back at his apartment, Tom is searching GEnie for “werewolf cures” with some help from his son Devin, who has learned his dad’s secret and thinks that werewolf dad is “really cool”. Tom comes across various strange things, including porn (“Gah, what’s with all these goddam obscene pop-ups?”), before finally seeing a sketchy website for a “Real Cherokee Shaman”. So he heads southwest to Oklahoma with Devin (it’s their “week together” before he moves) to meet this “great and renowned shaman”, where he hopes to find a cure for his new affliction. They encounter various minor adventures and misunderstandings along the way where his “wolf side” causes trouble, much to his son’s amusement (“Wow, dad, wolf-you rocks!”). They even share some father-son bonding time, such as when they awkwardly sing “Werewolves of London” together in a seedy Karaoke bar.

Meanwhile, Lupu is right behind, following his “smell”, finding the aftermaths of all of Tom’s hijinks, and increasingly determined to “find and destroy ze vulf.” Lupu, a living avatar for insecure toxic masculinity, is rude and verbally abusive to all he meets, particularly the women.

“Take vunderlekh, mer narish vays mentshn…” (Image source Scroll.in)

The journey eventually leads Tom and his son to “Dr. Timothy Wolfpaw” (Wes Studi) and his diminutive assistant “Jon Deep River” (Deep Roy), two scam artists taking advantage of tourists, new age yuppies, and other “gullible white people”. Their “Cherokee heritage” is rather questionable. In a reference to Blazing Saddles, Jon Deep River speaks primarily in Yiddish (Mel Brooks reportedly personally tutored Deep Roy on pronunciation and inflection and how best to play “a fed-up Jew”).

Tom: What is this crap? This dreamcatcher says “Made in China!” And Cherokee don’t live in teepees! That’s Plains Indians! Are you even a proper Indian?

Timothy Wolfpaw: (insulted) Of course, I am a “proper Indian!” I was born in Mumbai! (puts palms together) Namaste! Jon Deep River is, on the other hand, full blooded Lakota.

Jon Deep River: Oy vey, bruder, vos iz mit dem Goyim? Meshuggeneh, I tell you.

“We had very strict casting standards,” Brooks later told James Lipton, “‘Only an Indian can play an Indian…and vice versa.’”

Despite expressing his reservations (with a sly lean towards the associated other meaning of the word with regards to Native Americans), Tom decides to hire these two frauds, who attempt to develop a cure using their “deep understanding of the herbs of Mother Earth” and secret internet searches behind his back (“Quick, see what you can find on Netscape!”) while they send Tom through a series of ludicrous and often humiliating “ceremonial spirit journeys” like meditations in the prairie to sweat lodges and other stereotypical things “white people seem to expect”. Timothy Wolfpaw will translate for Jon Deep River’s long (Yiddish) speeches, always focusing on some seemingly deep and philosophical (but in reality, nonsensical) spiritual lesson. Yiddish speakers, meanwhile, are awarded with an inside joke as Jon’s speeches are totally unrelated to the supposed translation, and usually obscene and insulting.

Jon: Azoy ikh zogn tsu dem mentsh, ir viln respekt? Bakumen avek deyn tokhes, aun makhn a Mentsh fun zikh! Vos ken er dervartn, mir veln khvalye etlekhe brenen sage aun er iz vider a Mentsh? Feh! What a putz!

Timothy: Jon Deep River says that if you look deep inside of yourself and make peace with the Great Spirit, then you will receive great spiritual blessings and take control over your form.

Tom: (beat) That’s either deeply profound or complete bullshit. Possibly both.

Timothy: (opening a can of diet soda) Mysterious are the ways of the Great Spirit.

They reportedly had to reshoot the “Mysterious are the ways…” scene several times because the cast kept “corpsing”, or cracking up laughing during takes. “I spend hours working to get the Yiddish exactly right,” said Deep Roy to the camera in one outtake, “and these schmucks can’t stop corsping and ruining the verkakte takes!”

While the majority of the treatments are bogus (Devin even hilariously consumes something that gives him the runs thinking that it’s peyote) Tom does find that the meditations and “time alone in the quiet” is helping him to better control his angry emotions. However, he is shaken at a radio report of a wolf killing a young woman in a small town they spent the night in on the way to the ersatz shamans.

Finally, he is directed by the ersatz shamans to see “a wise woman who may be able to help”. Tom and Devin follow a map (clearly printed out from a website) on a spectacular epic trip to New Mexico through the desert past towering rock formations, Pueblos, and ancient rock art and finally to a crappy trailer in the middle of the desert. The door opens to reveal an ancient and wizened Native American woman in traditional clothing. “We’re here to see the great wise woman,” says Tom. The old woman turns her head and calls out “hey, Wise One! Customers!” and steps back. Up walks a teenaged girl, Amanda Redrock (Michelle Thrush), wearing cutoff shorts and a Snoop Dog T-shirt and listening to Hip Hop on a Discman.

Amanda: (takes one look at TOM) Let me guess, werewolf?

Tom: You’re the Wise Woman?

Amanda: (rolls eyes) No, I’m Executive Assistant to the Tooth Fairy. Do you want to stay a wolf or not?

Tom: (beat) Lead on, Wise One.

Devin: (smiling flirtatiously at AMANDA) Well, if nothing else she’s certainly a Wise Ass!

Amanda gives Tom an elixir, telling him to take it on or around the night of the full moon and he’ll be cured. They leave. By this point Lupu has tracked them to the desert and is actively watching their car through binoculars. When they reach a sketchy roadside motel for the night, Lupu takes a room next to theirs. Lupu takes a moment to load a pistol with silver bullets.

That night, sitting in some crappy lawn chairs watching the almost-full moon and with Devin set to head to California with his mother when they get back, Tom and his son share a touching moment. Devin asks him why he can’t just stay a wolf and suggests that if he doesn’t want the power, then perhaps he could make Devin into a wolf (“Come on, dad! Just bite me, ok?” “A teenaged werewolf?! Nobody wants to see that!”), but Tom confesses the dark truth he’d been avoiding the whole time, that as a wolf you “lose control of your humanity and do terrible things,” confessing, “In my savagery I killed two women.”

This shocking moment is interrupted by Lupu, emerging from the shadows, holding the pistol. “To ze contrary, Mr. Dick, it vas I who killed zem, and knowingly! You zee, I vas the one zat bit you in Romania, and zen tracked you here. And vonce I kill you, all vill belief zat ze vulf vill be dead and zere vill be nobody looking for me!”

As Lupu levels the pistol, Devin charges and tackles Lupu, causing the gun to fall to the ground. Lupu wolfs-out and lunges after Devin, but Tom instinctually wolfs out himself and attacks Lupu. Devin grabs the gun, but can’t get a clear shot (“Shit, I thought this only happened in movies! Can one of you step back for a moment?!”).

Starts out like this, but soon devolves into slapstick (Image source Werewolf News)

The two werewolves savagely fight, with the more experienced Lupu clearly having the upper hand, and soon Tom is giving in to the savagery and about to lose his humanity entirely when Devin tells him to “remember the meditations, dad! You control the wolf!” Suddenly, a sense of peace descends over wolf-Tom, and he assumes a meditative yoga-like stance. After a beat (and the obligatory Asian flute music), wolf-Tom then shifts into karate stance starts to beat up Lupu in a series of showy (and silly) martial arts moves, culminating in a Three Stooges like eye gouge and a kick to the balls. Lupu falls over, holding his crotch and literally howling in pain and Devin runs up and pours the elixir down Lupu’s open mouth, causing Lupu to revert to human form.

As police arrive, wolf-Tom disappears into the night and a woman testifies that she saw Lupu go by with a gun in his hand, and Devin claims that Lupu was trying to kill him. “But why is he naked?” asks the cop. “Um,” says Devin, “He’s a pervo?”

Eventually, Devin finds his dad naked in the desert. Tom has come to terms with himself and his own confidence, but most importantly he has found the love and respect of his son. They head back to Amanda’s trailer for another elixir and then return to Chicago, where father and son embrace and say their goodbyes and Tom says he will take the elixir “tonight.”

But Tom actually has other plans…

As DEVIN and his MOTHER drive off, TOM smiles and walks back inside the apartment. He pulls the bottle of elixir from his pocket, looks at it, then puts it on the shelf as he turns to the fourth wall.

Tom: Well, maybe next month!

CUT TO…… AIDEN in a new convertible Stingray, top down, with a different WOMAN, driving through the city. They park at the overlook and AIDEN starts to lean over towards the WOMAN.

Woman: Hey, grabby-hands, like, no?!

Aiden: Come on, babe! Loosen up! I just want a little…

Suddenly the WOMAN screams and runs out the door as a giant WOLF (TOM) jumps up on the hood of the car, denting it. AIDEN screams and WOLF TOM lifts his leg and urinates all over AIDEN and the car interior as Warren Zevon’s “Middle Aged Monsters” plays.

FADE TO CREDITS

An American Werewolf in America slowly took the country by storm, a relentless sleeper hit, becoming Brooks’ most popular film in decades, making a spectacular $92 million against its relatively small $21 million budget and breaking into the top twenty in a year that included several blockbuster effects films, managing to come close to matching the Sam Raimi film it was in part spoofing. Reportedly, Mel Brooks turned down a ton of money for a proposed sequel, leaving it a solo film. “Like with Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles, there was nowhere to go with that story but down!” he told Variety.

Unlike many of his earlier works, and more in keeping with The Producers or the more recent Life Stinks, it for the most part avoided the silly, overtly absurdist, fourth wall breaking parody humor of many of his most famous works, instead relying on physical comedy, funny dialog, parody elements, and the comedic acting chops of its cast, even as much of the humor was indeed over the top and subtly absurd in a “real life is absurd” way.

And the production of An American Werewolf in America is nearly as insane as the film itself. Struggling to find an appropriate name, the film’s working title jumped from “Tom Dick, and Hairy” to “My Dad the Werewolf” to “I Was a Middle-Aged Werewolf” to “Middle Age Bites!” until someone called out “An American Werewolf in America”, which stuck as a working title and wouldn’t let go. “I ended up calling John Landis and just asking him if we could use the name,” said Brooks. “Not only did he say ‘yes,’ but he wanted to co-produce! He’d been struggling to get An American Werewolf in Paris going with Polygram for a few years and was sick to death of it.”

And to make matters stranger, they received a cease-and-desist letter from author Jim Harrison, who claimed that the “middle aged man gains new confidence as a werewolf” plot was lifted from a rejected screenplay that he wrote for Universal[3]! Landis and Brooks, claiming ignorance but just wanting to quietly put it behind them, ended up giving him an “inspired by” credit and a small but undisclosed payment.

Since Landis controlled the IP and distribution rights for the “American Werewolf” series, Hyperion was able to distribute on their own, and since it was a parody/satire neither Universal nor Polygram had any recourse to stop the production, even as the latter openly feared that the film would sabotage the Paris film. Polygram finally just dropped out, leading Landis to take the Paris sequel film to Hyperion! Doubly ironic, this led to the project getting shelved again until the late 1990s.

Landis also brought Elmer Bernstein on board to reimagine his earlier American Werewolf in London score for the film. They also sprinkled in several classic rock needle drops in keeping with the midlife crisis aspect, with Warren Zevon in particular recruited not just to license his hits “Werewolves of London”, “Excitable Boy”, and “Lawyers, Guns, and Money”, but to write the original (and Golden Globe nominated) song “Middle Aged Monsters”.

Being a Fantasia production, naturally the Disney Creatureworks would take the lead on effects. While some CG was used, the majority of the effects were the practical creature effects that the I-Works had mastered, in particular the combination of prosthetics and animatronics that they had pioneered. Former He Man turned “guy behind the effects” Brian Thompson played Tom Dick as a werewolf, with Karen Prell providing the waldo-work (in a side-note, the animatronic suit would make a cameo in Stephen Chiodo’s Hawaiian Vamps in one of the most bizarre non-sequitur scenes we can recall—the infamous “Damn howlies” scene). Though they originally considered making an R-rated film full of gore on par with its influences, they ultimately pursued the T rating, though pushed the level of blood effects as far as possible in a deliberately ludicrous and deconstructive way[4].

Looking back on it, An American Werewolf in America still holds up as one of Brooks’ best, even as some of the humor betrays its 1990s origins. The jokes still land and the humor, though politically incorrect, is, in typical Brooks fashion, having a laugh at the expense of the oppressors rather that the oppressed, so likely to only offend the most thin-skinned and least self-aware. Christopher Lloyd and Seth Green have an outstanding screen chemistry as a father-son duo, Wes Studi and Deep Roy were clearly enjoying slaughtering ethnic stereotypes and audience expectations as the ersatz shamans of dubious ethnic origin, and Rowan Atkinson was clearly having a ball as the werewolf hunter who was, in fact, a werewolf.

All in all, we love it here at Swords and Spaceships. It’s a masterful spoof, a good self-empowerment narrative, a brilliant situation- and character-driven comedy, a heartwarming family togetherness tale, and proof that Mel Brooks still had it as a producer and director.

It’s also a pretty damned kick-ass werewolf flick!

[1] More on this in a future post.

[2] Hat tip to @El Pip, @WillWrambles, @TheFaultsofAlts, and @GrahamB for this wild idea! In our timeline Brooks produced the underperforming spoof Dracula: Dead and Loving It starring Leslie Nielsen.

[3] Became our timeline’s Wolf (1994) starring Jack Nicholson and Michelle Pfeiffer, an underappreciated but far from spectacular film. In this timeline Raimi went with his own screenplay.

[4] On par with the staking scene from Dracula: Dead and Loving It (“Location, location location!”).

Geekhis Khan · Jun 28, 2022

New York Times Short Movie Reviews, 1995

A Sweet Adaption of a Children’s Classic

Charlotte’s Web is one of those classic children’s novels that’s truly timeless, and Fox Films, partnering with the Disney Creatureworks, brings us a sweet live-action adaption featuring some of the most stunningly lifelike animal effects yet seen (I found myself straining to figure out when Wilbur transitioned from living pig to animatronic!). Starring Ashley Johnson as Fern Arable and featuring the voices of Whoopie Goldberg as Charlotte and Macaulay Culkin as Wilber the pig, the adaptation is a sweet and heartwarming and occasionally bittersweet tale of a young pig who befriends a spider in a way that changes both of their lives[1].

Charlotte’s Web, Rated G, ⭐⭐⭐½

Austen for the X Generation

Fox and Mirage Entertainment bring Jane Austen to 1990s audiences with this faithful adaption of the classic novel Sense & Sensibility. Produced by Lindsay Doran and written by and starring Emma Thompsen, with supporting roles by Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, and Alan Rickman, this sentimental comedy of manners hides a dark and biting satirical edge brought to it by director Lizzie Borden[2]. Though the film stays true to the source material, Borden can’t help but slip in subtle commentary on sexual norms, gender relations, and the socially-imposed standards of beauty, behavior, and class that is sure to appeal to the “Grrl Power” generation.

Sense and Sensibility, Rated PG for adult situations, ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Tradition vs. Modernity

Taiwanese director Ang Lee made a splash with his “Father Knows Best” film trilogy of family comedies. And now he takes his sympathetic eye to the Chinese mainland in this first big Shanghai-Hong Kong film collaboration for Smiling Dragon Pictures[3], Waking Up. This film follows the Lo family of Shanghai, who is struggling to adapt to the changing world around them, a change made all the more surreal when their father Zhong, a survivor of the Cultural Revolution, emerges from a coma after ten years. As Zhong’s family try to catch their father up to the massive cultural and technological disruptions that affect their world, Lee subtly shows us a moment in time as China, personified by Zhong, adapts to the many changes around it. Rumors persist of challenging production beset by government interference as Lee pushed the bounds of Chinese state censorship, with rumors that the Chinese Cut is 23 minutes shorter than the International Cut. Whatever the case, Waking Up is a dynamic and meaningful film, and a heartfelt exploration of what it means to “wake up” in a new world.

Waking Up, Rated T for adult themes, adult situations, and profanity; ⭐⭐⭐½

A Classic sees the Light of Day

After years of false starts, John Kennedy Toole’s Pulitzer-winning picaresque A Confederacy of Dunces comes to the big screen courtesy of producer/director Harold Ramis. And with the great John Goodman as its star, the irascible and endearingly unlikeable Ignatius J. Reilly, the film manages to capture the manic feel of the novel and bring to life its set pieces, and yet, as is often the case when adapting a novel as eclectic as Confederacy, the magic is lost somewhere along the way. Goodman does excellent work in bringing Ignatius to life, capturing the look and feel of the character to an almost uncanny degree. The direction and cinematography are great. The dialog is right out of the book. And yet that je ne sais Quoi is not there. Still, even a flawed adaption of a master work is worth your time, and high marks to Columbia for being willing to take a gamble on a book many feared was “cursed” and a film adaption “unmakeable”. Suffice it to say that while a film version of Confederacy was likely doomed to disappoint, the film itself is still enjoyable for reasons of its own[4].

A Confederacy of Dunces, Rated T for adult language, adult situations, and mild comedic violence; ⭐⭐⭐

A Modern-Day Bonnie and Clyde

Bloody brilliant director Quentin Tarantino returns as writer/producer/director for Orion’s Natural Born Killers, another gruesomely violent yet brilliant non-linear tale of violence, agency, fame, and criminality in a film that’s, apparently, the story Christian Slater’s character was working on in Tarantino’s last outing, True Romance. Will every Tarantino film be so linked? The story follows Woody Harrelson’s Mickey Knox and Uma Thurman’s Mallory Knox as they decide to go on a crime spree, Bonnie and Clyde style. With Tarantino’s now recognizable non-linear style and intimate relationship with crime, violence, and personal psychosis all played with a level of common banality, the results are an understatedly brilliant satire on violence in American culture and the role of the media in glorifying it.

Natural Born Killers, Rated R for graphic violence, adult language, and adult situations, ⭐⭐⭐

A Dark Conspiracy

Fantasia’s The X-Files got us all believing in dark “men in black” who suppress knowledge about aliens by any means necessary. But what about the world from the perspective of the men in black? Director Richard Donner adapts this X-Files-like Dark Horse[5] comic for Orion into a tale that follows two “MiB” agents as they hunt down and “neutralize” any civilian who has learned too much about the alien conspiracy. It’s a job that they justify as doing for “the greater good” for the protection of the populace as a whole. But when new Agent Ecks (Hallie Berry) learns that her partners and mentors Jay (Robert Patrick) and Kay (Wilhelm von Homburg) are secretly working on a dark and self-serving mission of their own, she sets out to do what’s right in this twisting narrative that’s one-part conspiracy thriller and one-part spy caper[6]. While not the most standout thriller, it’s none the less a good tale of conspiracy and intrigue and how one defines “good”.

Not this; more like The X-Files meets Mission Impossible with a twist of Donner’s Conspiracy Theory

Men in Black, Rated T for violence, profanity, substance use, and adult situations; ⭐⭐½

He is the Law

Adapting the dark post-apocalyptic story of the self-declared “Judge, Jury, and Executioner” Judge Dredd (played by Dolph Lungren), this violent sci-fi action film directed by Paul Verhoeven reminds one of what Robocop might have been if it took itself seriously. In the post-apocalyptic far future, the world has crowded into “Mega cities” where crime is so rampant that the “Judges” are appointed to singlehandedly met out “justice” at the barrel of a gun. Violent, dark, and gothic, this Mad Max like tale explores the very notions of justice and law and order, taking some time to consider the morality behind the concept, and Verhoeven even takes the time to use the film as a way of addressing our modern questions about profiling, police brutality, and the alarming rate of young black men who die at police hands. What could have been another empty summer action film is thus elevated into a platform that asks serious questions, though you can’t be blamed for not noticing in the face of all of the over-the-top gory action[7]. This is an easy story to overlook, but take some time to dig deeper, and you’ll find that this is more than just another summer splatter-fest.

Judge Dredd, Rated R for graphic violence, profanity, substance use, criminal activity, and adult situations, ⭐⭐⭐½

Batman Battles Everyone

Just as too many cooks spoil the broth, so do too many villains spoil an otherwise enjoyable popcorn film in this summer’s Batman: The Penguin’s Gambit. Taking over from the events of the prior film trilogy by Sam Raimi, this fourth outing by director Luc Besson slightly scales back the darkness in favor of more traditional action tropes. Bruce Willis gives Batman/Bruce a more blue-collar vibe, which works for this film when placed against the aristocratic Penguin (Danny DeVito), but clashes with Bruce’s backstory as a child of wealth. And had the plot focused on this dynamic, as producer John McTiernan reportedly wanted, it would likely have worked well. But rumors abound that the studio, still thinking in terms of merchandise (the same reason Raimi allegedly left), reportedly shoehorned in Poison Ivy (Rose McGowan) and Bane (Brian Thompson of He Man fame) as well, along with Julia Roberts returning as the wheelchair bound Oracle and a brief appearance by Uma Thurmond’s Catwoman. These added characters force the creation of a complex plot surrounding Bane and Ivy’s “Venom” and a new ersatz Robin, Christian Bale’s Jean Veilleux, who briefly takes over as the Batman after events that every comics geek knows, but which I will not spoil here. Whatever the case, while the top-heavy addition of heroes and villains will probably sell a lot of toys and Happy Meals, it dilutes what might have at least been a fun summer action film. Besson and McTiernan, for their part, have reportedly already turned down Batman 5.

Batman: The Penguin’s Gambit, Rated T for violence, adult language, and adult situations; ⭐⭐½

The Naked Truth

Ethan and Joel Coen are no stranger to the bizarre world of crime and quirky characters, so having them produce the works of equally quirky Florida crime novelist Carl Hiaasen is a natural. Following on from their earlier success with Hiaasen’s Tourist Season, the Coens produced Striptease for Hyperion, directed by Ted Raimi. It features Jennifer Jason Leigh as the FBI secretary turned stripper Erin Grant, who wants to get custody of her daughter back from her ne’er-do-well Ex Darrell (Dean Winters in his film debut). She soon gets pulled into a caper involving Congressman David Dilbeck (Burt Reynolds) which, naturally, spirals out in a crazy direction. Ted Raimi proves that talent runs in the family, giving us a fun and fast-paced strange descent into the madness that is the US State of Florida. In the end, this silly, sexy, and surreal story captures the full quirky brilliance that we have come to associate with the Brothers Coen and their friends the Brothers Raimi[8].

Striptease, Rated R for nudity, profanity, adult situations, violence, substance use, and depictions of crime; ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ½

[1] Essentially this takes the place of 1995’s Babe. It will be a moderate success, making $98 million against a $30 million budget, but will not be a breakout hit. What happens to Babe? Stay tuned.

[2] Borden will focus on the satirical angles of the original work and push the edge of saying out loud what Austen hinted at, making it a slightly dark and cynical film where the sex is never shown or stated, but right there on the edge. Will make $84 million, being less widely popular without Lee’s sympathetic direction. Where’s Ang Lee? Coming up next!

[3] With the Lotus Plan in full effect, the Chinese Ministry of the Arts made open overtures to Lee and other acclaimed Hong Kong and Taipei directors.

[4] Will make a modest profit on a small budget and get Goodman an Oscar and Golden Globe nomination for Best Actor.

[5] Actually from Aircel and then Malibu Comics, but produced in partnership with Dark Horse Productions. Dark Horse will later buy Malibu in whole.

[6] Will be a moderately successful thriller rather than a sublime summer action-comedy blockbuster and instant classic. I’m under no delusions that I can come up with anything to match our timeline’s lightning-in-a-bottle film.

[7] Judge Dredd was the last film greenlit by Michael Eisner for Hollywood Pictures before he “left” for Columbia. It will perform well and break $150 million against its $65 million budget, but will not be a top five film. Still, it will be fondly remembered by fans and recognized as a better film than it appears on the surface, gaining a cult following and spurring a forgettable sequel. Lungren will be praised by fans for managing to capture Dredd very well, even the darker pathos of the character. Ironically, he was chosen over “big names” like Schwarzenegger or Stallone because Eisner wanted to save money.

[8] Will be a more beloved production by fans and critics alike compared to our timeline, but without the lure of seeing superstar sex symbol Demi Moore naked, it will make a modest profit but not be a $113+ million hit.

Geekhis Khan · Jun 30, 2022

New York Times Short Movie Reviews, 1995 (Cont'd)

Guest Reviews by @Plateosaurus & Mr. Harris:

All of His Complexion

William Shakespeare’s folio is no stranger to being interpreted in different ways thanks to the deep, rich prose. Othello is one that has picked up a particular interpretation in this day and age. While the play is about jealousy and fidelity, it’s now being used by many to commentate on relations between races and ethnicities due to the titular character being a North African man in a White-dominant Venice. The most common interpretation is to make Othello a black man. The latest cinematic adaptation, as released by Columbia, directed by black cinema icon Sidney Poitier, is perhaps the apotheosis of such readings. Moving the setting to 19th century Jamaica and starring Delroy Lindo in the titular role, this version of Othello comes at a crucial time for African-Americans, in the wake of riots and protests caused by tensions with police. While Poitier’s direction generally sticks to the original prose of the play, it’s all presented and performed in a way that explores the heart of why bigotry by ethnicity occurs, such as insecurity in the face of realizing oneself is not the main focus of the world, as this incarnation of the envious Iago (Tim Curry) does. This Othello is a haunting update of the play that borrows as much from the African diaspora’s art and culture as it does with the Bard to superb effect[1].

This, but set in colonial Jamaica

Othello, rated T for moderate violence, sexual content, and deep philosophical topics, ⭐⭐⭐½

Wickedly Compelling

The Good Son[2] director Brian Gilbert sinks his teeth into the slasher genre once more in this modern retelling of William March’s classic 1954 psychological horror novel The Bad Seed. Lead actress Kirsten Dunst[3] imbues the titular bad seed Rhoda Penmark with the same terrifying veneer of wholesome yet deadly cuteness as she did with Claudia in last year’s Interview with the Vampire backed by a strong supporting cast comprised of Sharon Stone (Christine Penmark)[4], Sam Elliott (Colonel Kenneth Penmark), Bill Murray (Leroy Jessup), Kathy Najimy (Monica Breedlove) and others[5]. Gilbert meticulously crafts a haunting tale on whether serial killers are born or made as we’re left to consider whether Rhoda’s evil is the result of her unhinged grandmother or not.

Perhaps the most controversial and talked about scene in the entire film is when Christine kills her daughter with a lethal dose of sleeping pills to ensure that she won’t go on a full-blown killing spree. Rumor has it that the film originally stuck closer to the novel’s ending but poor test screenings with audiences and executives from 20th Century Studios forced Gilbert to change the ending similar to the 1956 version thanks to the Hays Code[6]. The very fact that the scene in question happens on screen with Rhoda’s mother committing the deed no less has caused a firestorm of complaints from self-proclaimed “media watchdog” groups much like Henry’s death in The Good Son.

However you might feel about this movie, the cast (especially Dunst) and the pacing turn this remake of an old novel into a chilling “evil child” classic[7].

O8FE7fwSp_Hi0399aji2uZ5IErsCJbgF6c27ZPb4UHSbHLIRH0SruwpeN3cEwqH-SAL66FP0u_KANPaDNNLhuh_RxJ-1HVpi6301fJwwfS-n9jrSsAbndm6IEqvQaBEye7WfwmMOn7VlkGgtHA

Somewhat like this but made in the ‘90s

The Bad Seed, rated R for swearing, violence and adult situations, ⭐⭐⭐½

A Flawed Yet Well-Intentioned Thriller

Jeremiah S. Chechik may be best known for directing the milquetoast comedy National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, but you wouldn't know it the way he directs Seven Sins, a surprisingly scary crime thriller starring Brandon Lee as Detective David Mills, Jamie Foxx as his partner Detective William Somerset, Christina Applegate as attorney wife Tracy Mills and John C. McGinley as SWAT Leader California[8].

Seven Sins’ plot (written by newcomer Andrew Kevin Walker) centers around Mills and Somerset investigating a series of murders throughout Phoenix with a common theme: the Seven Deadly Sins of Biblical folklore committed by a mysterious man known only as John Doe (we’re not going to tell you who portrays him since that is a big spoiler that might ruin your watching experience)[9].

Seven Sins is a dark, gritty film, where Phoenix is a grimy and dusty hellhole rendered cynical and acrid inside and out, and most of the characters are too. It’s all aided by the cinematography by Darius Khondji, which boasts a yellow grey and brown colour palate, deep shadows and colour flashes, and up-close shots, and emphasizes the disgusting aspects of American culture, from crass commercialism to a lack of care for city streets and people. It’s not exactly a film for the faint of heart, but for those who have strong stomachs, you will find an interesting exploration of fanaticism and sin, with incredibly compelling characters. Meanwhile, Brandon Lee and Jamie Foxx boast excellent chemistry together, with Foxx’s Somerset being the kind of man who refuses to bow down to the rank nihilism of those around him, and finally the killer’s actor delivers a chilling performance, a dark reminder most psychopaths are not always so outwardly obvious.

Unfortunately, much of Seven Sins’ potential is squandered with two major problems: it occasionally goes a bit too far in showing the victims’ gruesome deaths without much subtlety, and the climax tries to wrap things up in a neat little happy bow. It only ends up feeling contrived and rather inconsistent with what’s happened before[10], putting this film squarely in the “good but not necessarily great” category[11]. Nevertheless, the good is good while it lasts in Seven Sins, a superb thriller with great concepts, excellent performances, and an aesthetic that commits to the grit.

VlQ-niU9Hv3MbHS_vz1Oea9eepsiPSUQ4vnOgrfIFyQVLI6RCyjlqVV4vD2rpNDRz3pEtab5s4ngHZy0Bii1FcpUfHQC0R5Q7KsLsibt7qiyK7cCsPVE3UIBqbWvReuoybHMMh-QM_dfFMsfDw

Kind of like this, but goes off in its own direction by the third act

Seven Sins, rated R for disturbing scenes, violence, nudity, and language, ⭐⭐½

Two Guest Reviews by @jpj1421 and @ajm8888:

Dave

Basically this, but directed by Barry Levinson

Release Date: March 15th, 1995

Director(s): Barry Levinson

Screenwriter(s): Gary Ross

Producer(s): Barry Levinson and Jim Henson

Rating: T

Budget: $30 million

Box Office: $72 million

Cast:

Dave Kovic and President Alfred William “Al” Mitchell - Robin Williams

First Lady Ellen Mitchell - Emma Thompson

Chief of Staff Bob Alvarez - Ben Kingsley

Secret Service Agent Duane Stevenson - Ving Rhames

Assistant Chief of Staff Alan Reed - Gary Cole

Vice President Gary Nance - Kevin Kline

Press Secretary Wayne Gallup - Wayne Brady

Political Cameos: Senator Geraldine Ferraro (D-NY), Senator John Vinich (D-WY), Radio Host Howard Stern, Former Vice President Dan Quayle (R-IN), a few others

Review: Do you want a quirky political comedy where a temporary employment worker decides to impersonate the President and has to continue doing it after the President suffers an actual stroke? Then Dave is the movie for you.

The movie is largely carried by the performance of its lead actor, Robin Williams, who plays Dave Kovic, a man who impersonates President Al Mitchell for a living (also portrayed by Williams) and is hired by Secret Service agent Duane Stevenson (Ving Rhames) to pose as Al at a press conference to cover up his affair with a female staffer. Dave later finds himself having to continue impersonating Al at the behest of Chief of Staff Bob Alvarez (Ben Kingsley) and Assistant Chief of Staff Alan Reed (Gary Cole) after the President falls ill while having sex with the female staffer. Besides having to deal with becoming President, he has to force Vice President Gary Nance (Kevin Kline) to resign and send him to Africa on behalf of the Peace Corps. What follows for our main protagonist is a series of events in which he meets Mitchell’s estranged wife former First Lady Ellen Mitchell (Emma Thompson) at a homeless shelter and successfully reunites the two and exposed a scheme by Bob to implicate him in a scandal over a veto of a public works bill culminating in Dave faking his stroke and letting Mitchell resume his duties as the Commander-in-Chief and President of the United States. Aside from the plot, you have a smorgasbord of cameos from well-known American political and media figures most notably former Vice President Dan Quayle and talk show host Howard Stern.

Fans of Williams will enjoy Dave as he gets to show off his comedic and dramatic chops from his previous work. For everyone else, it really depends whether or not you're in the mood for a story where an average guy gets embroiled in the byzantine world of American politics. Nevertheless, there are some genuine laughs and heartfelt drama to be felt in Dave courtesy of Robin Williams' brilliant acting[12].

⭐⭐⭐

Production Notes: Dave was originally set to film in 1992 under Warner Bros with Ivan Reitman directing, but it was delayed to 1995 due to the studio abandoning the script for hitting too close to home with the then-recent election, in addition to Republican opposition to the VP being “crazy”, which was seen, unfairly, as a swipe at Quayle being dropped from the ticket. And thus, the script ended up with Barry Levinson, who took it to MGM thanks to his connections to Jim Henson. This resulted in the studio rejecting the Aaron Sorkin script “The President Elopes” by As You Wish, who took it to Tri-Star Pictures, becoming An Affair of State.

An Affair of State

Not quite this

Release Date - October 21, 1995

Director(s): Robert Redford

Screenwriter(s): Adam Brooks

Producer(s): Robert Redford

Rating: T

Budget: $56 million

Box Office: $85 million

Cast:

President Andrew Shepherd - Robert Redford

Secret Service Agent Ellen Grissom - Meg Ryan

Vice President Lucy McCulloch - Glenn Close

Secretary of State Bob Rushford - David Paymer

Chief of Staff A.J. MacInerney - Gary Sinise

Assistant to the President on Foreign Policy Lewis Rothschild - Richard Dreyfuss

Review: A perfectly pleasant apolitical romantic comedy about the President of the United States. The movie succeeds on the strength of its likable leads, with director Robert Redford playing President Alan Shepherd, who decides on a foreign trip of nonspecific goal to leave diplomacy in the hands of his hapless Secretary of State, played by David Paymer, in order to live it up one last time before running for re-election. He ends up bringing along Ellen Grissom, played by Meg Ryan, allegedly a reporter who we are expected to believe is the only person on their travels able to recognize the most powerful man on the planet when he’s wearing a hat or sunglasses. Redford and Ryan have charisma, which makes their adventure across Europe mostly work. Of course, the audience quickly learns that Ryan is a Secret Service agent tasked to keep an eye on the President reporting back to a comically serious Vice President Lucy McCulloch, played comically seriously by Glenn Close, and the increasingly overwhelmed Secretary of State whose scenes feel like they’re from a different movie altogether. This sets up the inevitable third act conflict when President Shepherd finds out he never really got away from his security detail and that Ellen has been lying this whole time thus leaving the finale to determine whether the two will reconcile when they return to Washington.

Do the parts of this movie that work make us forget that the President is wasting untold taxpayer dollars for the Secret Service, not to mention Interpol, to live out a midlife crisis? Not really. If you’re willing to check any expectation of what a President should be doing at the door, you may find yourself won over by this throwback to the romantic comedies of yore[13].

⭐⭐ ½

Production Notes: Originally developed by Redford and picked up by As You Wish, with Rob Reiner considered to direct, MGM rejected the script since they were already in production on the superficially-similar Barry Levinson film Dave with Robin Williams. Instead, AYW took the film to Tri-Star and Redford chose to direct it himself, with Adam Brooks giving it a comedic rewrite in the vein of Roman Holiday.

In Brief:

Desert Lightning: The Louis Tewanima Story: Disney brings us the forgotten and painful story of Hopi Olympic Runner Louis Tewanima as he found escape and spiritual connection through running; ⭐⭐⭐
For Your Love: Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock maintain fun chemistry in this romantic comedy; ⭐⭐⭐
Gator Bait: Six obnoxious teens’ vacation in the Everglades turns to terror in this darkly humorous creature feature about a giant killer alligator; ⭐⭐
Get Shorty: Barry Sonnenfeld teams up again with John Travolta to bring the Elmore Leonard satirical crime novel to the big screen; ⭐⭐⭐
Jumping through Hoops: Billy Crystal and Rebecca Schaeffer team up for this cliched but sentimental romantic comedy about an NBA referee and an Art Dealer[14]; ⭐⭐½
Lost Eagle: Robert Zemeckis[15] brings us the harrowing true story of the ill-fated Apollo 13 lunar mission starring John Travolta, Gary Sinise, and Ed Harris; ⭐⭐⭐
Operation Dumbo Drop: Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith’s brilliant chemistry breathe life into an otherwise forgettable Disney war comedy about Green Berets air-delivering an elephant during the Vietnam War; ⭐⭐
Rocky Road: Chris Farley and David Spade play two brothers struggling to keep their father’s company afloat in this road trip comedy[16]; ⭐⭐½
Schoolboy: Adam Sandler goes back to school…elementary school…in this goofball Hyperion comedy[17]; ⭐⭐
Tales from the Hood: Spike Lee teams with the Crypt Keeper[18] to bring supernatural vignettes straight out of the Hood; ⭐⭐
The Assassination of Julius Caesar: Francis Ford Coppola brings Old Hollywood splendor in this Old Hollywood Epic, sure to command the Oscars[19]; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Triple-Play: David Duchovny[20], Neve Campbell, and Jenifer Tilley star in this sexy Cameron Crowe relationship comedy about a Major League pitcher caught in a love triangle; ⭐⭐⭐
Yellow Dog: Chevy Chase plays and voices a liberal politician turned into a golden lab in this goofy Hollywood Pictures comedy; ⭐ ⭐

* * *

The Sheep-Pig (1996)
From “Eight Mockbusters of the last 25 years Actually Worth Seeing,” CulturePolice.co.uk Netsite, June 26th, 2012

Essentially This, but Low Budget

What it cashes in on: Charlotte’s Web

Notable actors: Phil Davis, voices of Jane Alexander, Morwenna Banks, and Richard Ridings

Whom to blame: Ismail Merchant and James Ivory

Why it’s worth your bloody time:

It’s a surprisingly good family film featuring talking animals that alas will forever be in Charlotte’s shadow. Based on the eponymous children’s novel by Dick King-Smith about a pig raised by a sheep dog that wants to be a sheep dog, The Sheep-Pig uses some frightfully good editing and animal husbandry to make you truly believe that the animals are speaking, even though they lacked the budget to have the fancy animatronics or other methods to imply speech. So even though their mouths don’t in fact move, you can still believe that the pig is talking to the sheep.

This film follows Babe the pig as he attempts to make his way in a career normally assigned to sheep dogs, with Jane Alexander voicing Babe and Morwenna Banks voicing Fly the dog and Richard Ridings as Ferdinand the Duck. Phil Davis plays the human farmer Arthur Hoggett. And, well, despite its budgetary restraints and the difficulty of seeing it without the much-better-known Charlotte’s Web coming to mind, The Sheep-Pig is frankly a sweet and fun story that maybe should have seen a bigger budget and damned well deserved a wider distribution. And The Sheep-Pig is arguably the better production.

While hardly a failure (it was a moderate success in the UK and Australia and NZ and does well on home video) The Sheep-Pig remains a relative forgotten gem, even though it has a devoted fandom and is frankly a brilliant family comedy that is well worth your time. While we Culture Police tend to accentuate the negative (it’s funnier that way) we can’t say a bad word about The Sheep-Pig. Grab a copy for your little nippers today and thank us later.

[1] Will make $15 million against a (higher than in our timeline after a wider release) $15 million budget and thus be considered a bomb, but will get nominated as the Oscars that year for Best Actor (Delroy Lindo), Best Supporting Actor (Tim Curry) and Best Costume and Production Design, with Delroy winning.

[2] To summarize: The Good Son was greenlit in 1987 under 20th Century with the original director due to the trend of “smart slashers” and the desire to make this film stand out from the rest. Additionally, Michael Klesic and Mary Steenburgen are cast as Henry and Susan Evans respectively as originally intended. The film came out in 1989 and is widely considered to be a perfectly fine thriller making a modest profit at the box office and pretty much crystalizing the image of Klesic as “evil child serial killer”. Since the film makes back its budget coupled with 1991’s Not Without My Daughter being slightly more successful at the box office (but not by much), Gilbert is brought on board to direct the 1995 remake of The Bad Seed.

[3] Since Scarlett Johansson is doing Jumanji with Spielberg, The Bad Seed is Dunst’s big 1995 movie instead.

[4] Due to Stone’s commitment to this film, Madonna (who is trying to get her acting career back together) is picked by Martin Scorsese to be in Casino as Ginger McKenna, a role that she was almost cast in our timeline.

[5] Other actors of note in The Bad Seed (1995) include Frances Fisher (Hortense Daigle), David Caruso (Reginald Tasker), Stephen Tobolowsky (Richard Bravo), Cloris Leachman (Emory Wages) and Courtney B. Vance (Henry Daigle).

[6] Gilbert shot the film with the original ending of Rhoda Penmark getting away with her crimes. However, test audiences did not like this ending and studio interference pressured Gilbert into shooting a new ending in which Christine successfully kills Rhoda with pills onscreen as opposed to the 1954 version which had a lightning bolt kill her. The original ending will be made available on VCD similar to Little Shop of Horrors in our timeline.

[7] The film performs somewhat better than The Good Son and Not Without My Daughter grossing $69 million on a $47 million budget and met with good-to-decent reception from critics although it’s far more profitable on home video.

[8] Aside from McGinley, the principal cast of this timeline’s Se7en is comprised of actors that weren’t considered for these roles or in the cases of Applegate and Beatty were offered these roles.

[9] With Kevin Spacey out of the picture due to his sexual abuse scandal, the role of John Doe goes to Ned Beatty, who in our timeline was the first choice for the role but turned it down because he considered it too disturbing, dark and evil when he was handed the script. This is not the case here because Beatty is given a different version of the script that has Doe killed and having more action thriller elements (especially in the third act). Beatty’s performance will be more of a cranky, bigoted grandfather compared to Spacey’s version.

[10] The ending of Seven Sins is a composite between the one where Doe doesn’t kill Mills’ wife and the shootout at the burning church with Somerset forced to kill Mills so he doesn’t become “Wrath” from earlier drafts of the screenplay. Also, Chechik was sent the revised version of the script instead of the original due to far reaching first and second-order butterflies affecting the entertainment industry.

[11] Unlike our timeline’s Se7en, Seven Sins will be #9 at the box office grossing $242.5 million on its $33 million budget (behind Jumanji) since Waterworld is not a big budget A-movie released that year with Kevin Costner. It will have its fans, but without Fincher’s direction, Spacey’s exceedingly creepy performance as John Doe, and the impact of the head-in-the-box twist ending, it will be seen as a decent-to-good thriller, just not one of the all-time greats.

[12] Broadly the same movie with the cynicism of Levinson and the optimism of Ross. Aside from the different cast and the fact that the President that Dave Kovic is impersonating is “Al Mitchell” instead of “Bill Mitchell” since Al Gore is President of the United States. As there are improvisations in both our timeline’s and this timeline’s iterations, the movie will be tonally different with Williams’ energy rather than Kline’s cool comedy. Dave is also Robin Williams’ big 1995 movie in this timeline since Tom Hanks is doing Jumanji.

[13] This movie is completely different from The American President, as Rob Reiner and Aaron Sorkin took the movie in a dramatically different direction than Redford had in mind. Here the writer of our timeline’s French Kiss gets scooped up to write a movie of the President deciding to bounce during a European trip of unspecified objective and falls for the Secret Service Agent that goes along with him pretending to be a reporter keeping a lid on the ‘scoop’ until it’s over. It’s Roman Holiday but with the genders swapped. Kind of like a mix of French Kiss, The American President, and the Mandy Moore “classic” Chasing Liberty. The third act conflict is when the President discovers that his love interest is not only a Secret Service Agent, but has been reporting back to the VP and Secretary of State which the audience already knew.

[14] Vaguely parallel to Crystal’s Forget Paris in our timeline.

[15] Became (obviously) Apollo 13 in our timeline. Without Ron Howard’s sentimentality (recall he’s directing Casper for Fantasia) it will be a more technical film that none the less does very well based on effects and excitement alone, though it will not be a top-five hit.

[16] More or less this timeline’s Tommy Boy.

[17] More or less this timeline’s Billy Madison.

[18] Tim Burton and Danny Elfman hooked Spike up with the TftC crew and they made it an official part of the franchise, which helped put more butts in seats making for a more successful box office. The Crypt Keeper will wear a sidewise hat and a broken clock around his neck (stuck at midnight) and talk in ‘90s street-slang (“What’s up, Homies? Besides me from the grave! Ehehehehehehe!” “Party at my Crypt, yo. It’s where all the Chronic Sick end up eventually! Ehehehehehehe!”). Since you asked, @Unknown.

(Image source YouTube)

[19] More on this by @Nerdman3000; Coppola’s having a busy few years for sure between this and Annie and The Road to Ruin!

[20] Without X-Files he’s getting funneled into sex comedies rather than sci-fi stuff. As an admitted sex addict, it’s a role that he’s good at.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 2, 2022

Chapter 18: Chairman of the Board (Cont’d)
Excerpt from Jim Henson: Storyteller, an authorized biography by Jay O’Brian

In 1995 Jim paid a visit to the “competition” as he jokingly called his eldest daughter Lisa. Lisa had been the Chair and President of Fox Studios since early 1992, only the third woman to head a major studio, an event that he’d proudly noted in his Red Book.

Lisa had since become all the buzz around Hollywood and was becoming a “cover girl” for various corporate magazines and women’s magazines. Her first greenlight, Chris Columbus’ Wicked Stepfather with Macaulay Culkin and Joe Pesci, had been a breakout success. She’d helped launch successful programming on PFN and other Triad TV channels, including the popular It’s Arnold!, and launched the Fox Family Channel on Basic Cable, which was holding its own against Cartoon City, The Disney Channel, Disney’s Toon Town, Nickelodeon, and Neptune. She’d established partnerships with Chris Columbus’s 1492 Productions and Craig Bartlett’s Snee-Oosh Productions, and helped integrate Filmation Animation into the larger Fox Studios architecture, hiring Richard Bazley (a former Don Bluth and Richard Williams collaborator) as the new Creative VP for Filmation. She’d set into motion 1994’s Mrs. Doubtfire with Robin Williams and Sally Fields, Jingle All the Way with Bob Hoskins and Wallace Shawn, 1995’s animated The Iron Giant in partnership with Bird Brain Productions, and Charlotte’s Web with creature effects by the Creatureworks[1].

And most recently, she’d been asked to lead negotiations with her old boss and mentor George Lucas over Lucas’s plans to remaster the Star Wars films into “Special Editions” with modern computer effects[2]. Triad had inherited the distribution rights to the original Star Wars (a.k.a. Episode 4, A New Hope) with the purchase of 20th Century Fox. And while the distribution rights officially resided with the 20th Century side of the house, even 20th Century President Sid Ganis agreed that Henson was the inspired choice given her prior professional relationship with the notoriously cantankerous Lucas.

(Image source: “inafarawaygalaxy.com”)

Lisa Henson’s charm offensive paid dividends, with Lucas even agreeing to share distribution for the entire Special Edition trilogy in both theatrical re-release and VHS/VCD with Fox, defraying cost and risk for Lucas while still giving him the complete creative control he sought. Henson also reportedly convinced Lucasfilm to retain copies of the masters of the original films “as historical documents worth preserving” and later helped supervise their digitalization and release as “The Classic Trilogy” on VCD.

She even reportedly solved a special effects issue with the Episode 4 remaster encountered with the addition of the previously-deleted “Han and Jabba” scene. “We couldn’t get the CG Jabba to look right when we composited him into the old footage, which was in pretty bad shape itself,” said Lucasfilm producer Rick McCallum. “On top of everything, Han, at one point, walks straight through where Jabba’s tail is, since Harrison was reacting to a human actor [Declan Mulholland] when it was originally filmed in ’76. We debated having him step on Jabba’s tail and try to digitally lift Han up, but then Lisa says, ‘just make Jabba a hologram. Han can pass right through him.’ It was like, ‘well, duh. Why didn’t I think of that?’ It even helped us make the digital insertion less awkward.”[3]

What could have been (Image by reditor “DarthRick3rd”, who clearly had the same idea I did)

To promote it all, Lisa and George launched a 2-hour TV Special Star Wars Stories: Luke of Tatooine on PFN for Christmas of 1996, brushing away a threatened lawsuit by ABC, who seemed to think that their earlier relationship with Lucasfilm somehow entitled them to all Star Wars TV. The special featured Jedi Master Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) describing his life growing up on Tatooine to a young new “Padawan” apprentice Halixiana (Judith Barsi in Twilek makeup), and in doing so helping her come to terms with her own humble roots. The special combined this framing sequence with new footage starring Justin Cooper as young Luke, Alex D. Linz as young Biggs Darklighter, and Evan Rachael Wood as Luke’s unrequited crush Camie Marstrap, along with remastered footage originally recorded for Star Wars in 1976 with Luke, Biggs (Garrick Hagon), and Camie (Koo Stark), which was cut from the original release and deemed unnecessary for the Special Edition (the famous “lost Toshe Station scenes”).

Power Converters sold separately…

The partnership worked so well that Lisa and Lucas negotiated a new Lucasfilm coproduction based on The Dragonriders of Pern[4], distributed and partially funded by Fox Films. Lisa had acquired the motion picture rights from author Anne McCaffrey in 1994. With the success of MGM’s Jurassic Park series and Universal’s relaunch of King Kong and upcoming partnership with Toho on Godzilla, Triad was pushing for a “monster effects series” of their own. Lisa had been specifically tasked with finding a suitable franchise that was also "family friendly". She’d approached Lucas about Dinotopia upon discovering that he’d beaten her to the rights, but he’d already partnered with Amblin and Disney. Then she was alerted to the Anne McCaffrey stories, which were experiencing a renaissance with fans at the time. When Lucas asked why she didn’t partner with her father’s company she simply said, with a wry smile, “well, they are the competition!”

(Image source “amazon.ca”)

Lucas, despite his longstanding partnership with (and personal investment in) Disney, saw the advantage in not tying himself down to one studio. Fox had, after all, given him his big break, taking a risk on a silly little Space Opera that no other studio would touch with a twelve-parsec pole and thereby made him a multi-millionaire. Pern seemed like exactly the franchise to build another partnership around and one that, unlike Star Wars or Willow, held no personal attachment for Lucas. Rick McCallum was asked to produce and, at Lisa’s suggestion, they went to director James Cameron, who’d recently amazed the world with Terminator 2 and was directing True Lies for 20th Century across the lot. Cameron agreed to direct Pern in exchange for 20th Century greenlighting his passion project Titanic.

Production began on Dragonflight immediately upon the release of True Lies. Titanic actually began production while Dragonflight was still filming, performing the actual Titanic submersible location shoots while Dragonflight was in editing, with its release planned for Summer 1998[5]. With Cameron’s eye on Titanic, his usual obsessive detail orientation was slightly muted, and Dragonflight came in on time and just slightly over budget. Cameron was ultimately unimpressed with the film, though audiences and critics disagreed, loving the flowing, dynamic aerial action scenes and melodrama of it all.

With all this going on for Lisa in the background, and with Jim busy settling in as Chairman while Disney and MGM launched dozens of competing high budget productions, one could imagine that there’d be tension between the father and daughter. However, there were certainly no hard feelings on display as Jim and Lisa met for lunch.

Rather than “talk shop,” they talked about their lives. Lisa was dating, but remained single, in no hurry to rush into another marriage. Jim confessed that he and Daryl Hannah had broken up. The strain of his long working hours and remaining tensions over the DisneySea resort were soon hit by another curveball: the announcement of the Disney Animal Kingdom resort in Florida. While Jim had always liked and supported zoos, Hannah was increasingly of the mindset that they amounted to animal slavery and argued the point with him. It was the last straw. The two amicably broke up that spring just prior to the opening of DisneySea. They remained friends even though he had to occasionally ask her politely to quit protesting the DisneySea gate[6] in what became a bizarre game for the two.

“At least protest the competition in Sea World some time!” he jokingly told her as security escorted her away for the fifth time. “They’re the ones who keep perfectly healthy sea mammals in captivity, not us!” Eventually, more pressing causes grabbed her attention.

As an aside, several years later he sent her a simple envelope. Inside was a copy of the ownership transfer receipts of a small parcel of land in South Central LA which the city had acquired in eminent domain after failing to build a waste incinerator there. The local Food Bank had been using the land in agreement with the city as an urban farm, but there was growing concern that the city would sell the valuable property to developers, and numerous companies were actively trying to acquire it. Daryl had been one of several celebrities trying to oppose the sale. Jim had simply outbid the developers and purchased the land from the city for $6 million and gifted it to the food bank and farmers’ cooperative, along with a $3 million endowment to cover taxes and expenses over the next few decades. He asked Daryl to take the seat they’d offered him on the board of trustees. She gave him a friendly kiss and agreed. To this day she’s a principal trustee on the South Central Urban Farm Cooperative[7] and the two remain close friends.

Jim resisted his inclination to tell Lisa about the continuing drama over the LA Rams and Stadium deal, or at least kept quiet on how the public deal was reigniting old distrust between the two sides of the Disney family, dancing around anything confidential. Ron Miller’s acquisition of a stake in the struggling football team via Retlaw, the Disney Stadium deal, Jim’s role in launching and leading the “Ram Fans to the Rescue” campaign, and the “no” votes against it by Roy Disney and Peter Dailey were common knowledge in the industry. Triad CEO Martin Davis had even approached Lisa about it, asking her if she though that Disney was “in crisis”, which she took to mean that he was considering grabbing a stake for Triad. She dropped hints to her father that should Disney be looking for another “partner” then she could arrange something.

Jim told her that all was great on the board and that healthy dissent was a sign of a highly functioning board, and laughed. Neither mentioned the ongoing talks between Disney and NBC knowing that he’d never say anything so she’d never put him in that position. “And now that we’ve made our obligatory corporate overtures, we can go back to father-daughter time.”

And yet even with the revelation of the breakup and obvious stress of the Rams deal and NBC negotiations and the Disney family rift, Lisa could tell that something else was wrong. “Dad, there’s a large man over there that’s been pretending that he’s not watching us the entire time,” she said, gesturing with her eyes to Jim’s security guard Sonny in a far booth. “I’ve seen him near you in press conferences. And I’ve seen the news. Unless that’s Ving Rhames’ stunt double, then you’re under guard. Are you in danger? Be honest.”

Jim considered his response. Since the horrific terrorist bombing of FBI Headquarters in Washington, DC, that spring, Disney’s security team had been on high alert. Anti-Disney and in particular anti-Henson rhetoric had been high on the fringe right, with some literally calling Jim an incarnation of Satan and calling for the “Castle” to be “purged of evil”. Disney had met with the FBI, who showed them intelligence that suggested that Disney parks might become a target of domestic terrorism, either organized or lone wolf. Adding to this, a man with a pistol had tried to enter the gates at The Magic Kingdom earlier that year and had been arrested. He had no obvious links to the Sword of Liberty or similar groups, and claimed to have made an honest mistake (Disney ultimately did not pursue charges), but the arrest spurred concern.

More disturbingly in a personal sense, Jim Henson’s name had appeared on “hit lists” circulating Sword of Liberty message boards and underground newspapers and Lucile had received calls with bomb and death threats that she passed along to Frank, who alerted the police and FBI.

And the fact that the Sword of Liberty had ironically taken their name from a domestic terror group in an obscure Punisher comic[8], and thus that the name was technically a Disney Trademark, only added to the sur-reality of it all.

Disney Resorts and studios were, for the most part, considered relatively hard targets thanks to existing barriers, gates, and security systems. Even the small urban Disneytowns like Chicago were surprisingly secure thanks to existing safety and security procedures and measures taken simply to prevent people from jumping a fence to get out of buying tickets. Disneyland’s surrounding wall atop the dirt berm, intended for visual aesthetics and sound mitigation purposes, served as an effective perimeter wall and car bomb shield. Walt Disney World was practically its own country with gated entry points. The biggest concern became its hundreds of miles of border, generally “guarded” only by a fence. Still, individual parks and hotels remained fairly secure. Only minor changes to security, such as metal detectors, no-stop zones, K9 teams, security cameras, safety locks, and random searches, needed to be implemented overall, it was felt.

As for Disney employees, most of the Disney executives lived in gated homes, often in gated communities, or in secure high-priced penthouse condos.

But Jim, who still lived in his beachside bungalow in Laguna and occasionally received random unannounced visitors, was considered a particularly vulnerable target. His famous face and lanky form stood out in a crowd. He frequently took long walks on the beach, along the streets, or in the foothills by himself.

Even the LA freeways offered no anonymity. His favorite vehicle was a 1991 Porsche 911 that Ron Miller had gifted him. It was Kermit Green with a darker green “Kermit collar” behind the front wheels reminiscent of hot rod flames. The personalized plate said “KRMIT”. Folks regularly waved to him on the freeways.

403249d1259849772-9m-restoration-of-kermit-1990-championship-winning-964-trophy-cup-img_1770.jpg

It’s not that safe bein’ green (Image source Rennlist)

At the unwavering insistence of the board, Jim was moved into the Caesar Suite in the penthouse of the Villa Romana Hotel, where a security detail was present 24/7 and keys were required to even access the top three floors. Sonny and others were assigned to him as full-time bodyguards. Jim protested to no avail. “I guess I can be ‘Jimilus Caesar’,” he told Sonny.

“Caesar Iacomus,” Sonny corrected, his face neutral. Such responses were typical of Sonny. Jim never knew if he was being serious or had the driest sense of humor in the world.

“Thanks, Praetor Sonny.”

“Praetor Filius.”

“Right.”

When he finally managed to convince them to let him move back into his home, they only did so after installing a major security system including hidden cameras and even bought the neighboring house and secretly loaded it with top-of-the-line security monitoring systems and a full-time emergency response force made up of former US Secret Service and SWAT or Special Operations people. They pretended to be a scuba club. The neighbors, who weren’t idiots, called them “the Keanus” after the lead actor of Point Break, who played a cop pretending to be a surfer while under cover. Sonny (who wouldn’t respond to any other name) even took up residence in the guest room in Jim’s bungalow where Bob Forrest used to recover after a bender. Regular police patrols discouraged loiterers of all types.

And speaking of Forrest, Jim had to intervene when a Keanu tackled and cuffed him as he approached Jim’s front door, deeply under the influence. Jim once again sent him to rehab, Forrest promising to “make it stick this time”.

Even his walks lost their charm, with Sonny always next to him, looking obvious to the world as a bodyguard with his ramrod-straight spine, dark sunglasses, and ever-turning head, and with a trio of Keanus about ten paces behind them trying and failing to not look conspicuous. The last straw was when Sonny saw an obviously out-of-place young man suddenly reaching into a fanny pack when he saw Jim. Sonny practically tackled the guy. He was a tourist from Salt Lake City reaching for his camera. Jim apologized for the misunderstanding, had Sonny take their picture, and gave him an autograph and a handshake.

From that point forward Jim ended up getting his exercise in Disney’s private gym and pool (which made him “feel like a gerbil”) or walking or biking around the Burbank studios and campus. He even did extra duty as a walkaround at Disneyland, just to “get a little fresh air, or at least the LA approximation of it[9].” He eventually had them rig him up a special “Kermit on a bike” outfit so he could nonchalantly bike around Disneyland, moving too quickly to be constantly stopped for photos, waving and ringing his bell on the way by, no one aware that it was the company Chairman biking past. One of the skinnier Keanus occasionally biked next to him as Miss Piggy.

“I must have sweat away five pounds last Thursday,” he mentioned to Jack Lindquist after one particularly hot week.

As for driving, “KRMIT” would remain in the Disney Studios parking lot and Sonny would drive him to and from work or other tasks (always taking a different route on a different schedule) in a nondescript but heavily armored tan SUV.

Jim confessed to Lisa that “well, they’re taking a little extra care of me these days.”

[1] Whoopie Goldberg voices Charlotte in what’s become an ongoing Hollywood running gag. “I’ve been typecast as an arachnid,” as she said at the 1996 Comic Relief. “I’ll be playing Spider-Man next.”

[2] Lucas had long dreamed of having the technology to finally give the Star Wars films the “Vision” that he had in his head and thus “Special Editions” are pretty much unavoidable while he’s alive and in charge.

[3] And because I know that you all will ask, yes, let’s say that she convinces George to let Han shoot first. After their time together she’s likely one of the very few people whose opinions he actually listens to and doesn’t take as a challenge to his authority. “George, it’s clear to everyone through subtext that Han is acting in self-defense here, since Greedo has just openly threatened his life.” You’re welcome, and “Maclunkey!!”

[4] Dragon helm tip to @Ogrebear.

[5] Pushed back because of Cameron’s other commitments, including T3 and Pern.

[6] As @Migrant_Coconut noted, there will still be protests of DisneySea. Simply having any animals in captivity, even sponges, is abuse to some. And yes, some people will want them to “Free Weidi” even though that’s not Disney (you’ll always have the “ban dihydrogen monoxide” crowd in any timeline). However, ultimately most will realize that DisneySea does not do sea mammal shows, but does do overt wildlife rescue.

[7] In our timeline the city sold the land to developers and, despite major civil disobedience by many (one of them Daryl Hannah) and a lawsuit alleging breach of agreement by the city, the farm was demolished in 2006. The land remains idle as arguments over its fate continue to play out in court.

[8] Ha tip to @nick_crenshaw82 for digging up this coincidence. I was not aware of the Punisher group when I came up with the name.

[9] Jim, who’d lived in New York in the pre-EPA 1960s, was used to smog and pollution and so didn’t suffer the “LA cough” that many at the time did.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 3, 2022

Chapter 5: Planning a Prequel Trilogy
From Star Wars: The Phantom History, by Ben Camino

The sudden return to popularity for the Star Wars brand, thanks to the success of the animated Shadows of the Empire and its tie-in novels and the made-for-TV Luke of Tatooine, helped to reinvigorate the franchise not just for the public, but more crucially for George Lucas. He’d largely left the production of Star Wars to others over the course of the late 1980s and early 1990s, instead focusing on his Willow franchise, the Indiana Jones franchise, the Disney attractions, and, most importantly, raising his three young children, one of whom (his adopted son Jett) would influence the franchise in a small but rather infamous way that we will get to later.

Luke’s sister “Nellith”, proposed star of a 1980s Sequel Trilogy (Image source Star Wars News Net)

George Lucas had largely abandoned Star Wars in 1983, a bittersweet smash success that had ironically both given him everything and taken everything from him. In the midst of a bitter divorce and watching his utopian dreams for Skywalker Ranch unravel around him, he dropped any plans for the follow-up movies that Gary Kurtz had been pushing, killing the Emperor in Episode VI rather than Episode IX as originally planned, turning Leia into the “other”, and dropping the planned character of Nellith and her Sequel Trilogy entirely[1]. The plans for the Star Wars universe had thus evolved over a few short years from “one film and maybe a low-budget sequel” in the mid ‘70s into a sprawling cinematic universe of 12 or more loosely-interconnected films from a host of guest directors and writers during the post-Star Wars glow of the late ‘70s, and then to a 9-film Skywalker family epic saga following the Father of All Reveals, before finally being whittled down to a simple trilogy and “just maybe” some prequels in the future, should things work out[2].

George Lucas writing “Star Wars: The Beginning” in 1994 (Image source YouTube)

But a decade later in 1993, Lucas returned to writing the long-awaited Prequel Trilogy[3]. He had plenty of established rough notes and outlines for the films, intended to follow a young Obi-Wan Kenobi as the central character, though to call these full “film treatments” as Lucas has since claimed would be hyperbolic. The overall story followed the decline of the Republic and the rise of a politician named Palpatine (originally named Cos Dashit[4]), whom Lucas overtly refers to as “Richard Nixon” in a recorded brainstorming session for Legacy of the Jedi. Dashit/Palpatine would take advantage of the greed of the galactic capitalists and corporations who didn’t want to pay their taxes in order to become rich and powerful, and then use the fears and chaos of a war in order to distract the populous from the slow tightening of his grip on power.

“Who’s gonna’ Cos Dashit? I am!” (Image source Wookiepedia)

In early drafts, Palpatine was a normal man and figurehead whom the true powers-that-be, the arms manufacturers of the Military-Industrial Complex and various forces of galactic capitalism, manipulated from behind. Eventually the idea of a Sith Master controlling everything was added, but even late into production on The Empire Strikes Back Palpatine was to be a powerless figurehead, a fat and vain man in a robe of gold. Only late into production on Ep. V did the characters of Emperor Palpatine and the hidden Sith Master get merged[5].

Episodes II and III were the films whose story was the best established at this point, with Palpatine using the pretext of the Clone Wars to seize power, Anniken Skywalker/Darth Vader betraying the Jedi and helping to destroy them, and Obi-Wan ultimately battling Vader on a bridge above lava flows, with Vader getting defeated and badly burned. This left Episode I the most wide-open to original creative vision, and Lucas was honestly excited about the unlimited possibilities when he began to put pen to paper in the fall of 1993. He imagined underwater cities, gleaming art deco towers, and a peek into the incredible powers of the Jedi at their prime.

But life began to intervene. The call of his many projects constantly pulled him from the bucolic peace of Skywalker Ranch to the sprawling Had Abbadon of Los Angeles, and after missing one of his daughter’s school recitals because he was trapped in LA traffic on his way back to the airport, he called up an old friend: “Help me, Steven Spielberg, you’re my only hope!”

Spielberg was happy to help, even as he reminded his old friend that Star Wars was Lucas’s own personal project. He urged Lucas to direct it himself, but Lucas was stretched far too thin and feeling very underconfident in his abilities after two decades without directing a film (his brief second unit work on Red Tails had not renewed his self-confidence when he directly compared his work to Fuller’s and Lee’s contributions). There was also the major problem of Lucasfilm being a non-union shop, which made it challenging for Spielberg, a SAG member in good standing, to accept direct employment without incurring fines or censure. Spielberg urged him to partner with Fox, much as they had for the Indiana Jones and Star Wars TV specials, which would give them the fig leaf of union production, just as the Amblin and Paramount partnerships had given such a fig leaf to the Indiana Jones films and Amblin and MGM the fig leaf for Willow. They called up Lucas’s old intern and now Fox President Lisa Henson. Lucas found a certain “poetry” in the franchise beginning with Fox and coming full-circle back to it, and implicitly trusted that Henson would fight for him should Triad leadership push back on any creative choices. In the final deal, Amblin would lead the production with Fox distributing and sharing in executive production with Lucasfilm. Lucasfilm would officially retain full creative control, though the carrot and stick of funding and distribution and her long working relationship with Lucas gave Henson a measure of clout that few other studio executives would have in the same situation.

Thus, a new “brain trust” was formed, with Lucas, Rick McCallum, Spielberg, Kathleen Kennedy, and Lisa Henson all sitting around a table swapping ideas, much as Lucas, Coppola, Kurtz, Kirshner, and Kasdan once had on the Original Trilogy. Lucas brought in talented scriptwriter and director Frank Darabont to write the screenplays and assist with the story[6]. Lucas originally wanted to produce all three films back-to-back-to-back, though reality intervened and a two-to-three-year gap between filming was ultimately scheduled, with Episode I to be produced and released in 1997 in time for the 20th anniversary of the franchise. Lucas and Henson even agreed to distribute digitally-remastered “special editions” of the Original Trilogy using modern special effects as a promotional and funding vehicle.

Eventually, Lucas, Darabont, and Henson became the driving forces on the story, with all three sharing writing credits while Lucas alone held the “Story By” credit. Lucas was even reminded about why he had first hired Henson to be his intern begin with: her encyclopedic knowledge of myths, legends, and storytelling structure and history[7]. The two of them reportedly spent hours talking about such things as Joseph Campbell, epic cycles, character archetypes, and medieval ring structure[8]. They discussed what the ill-defined “Clone Wars” were and debated about whether the Force needed an underlying explanation or not. This latter aspect was something that Lucas had been going back-and-forth about since the 1970s, starting with the Lensman-like “Kaiburr Crystals” [sic] that empowered the Jedi in the second draft of “The Star Wars” before then developing the idea of “the Force” as a learnable skill set that he compared to yoga or karate by the production of “Revenge of the Jedi,” as it was then known[9].

The first big creative challenge from a story point became what to do about Anniken’s parents. George Lucas wanted the Prequels to have feminine and maternal themes to contrast the masculine and paternal themes of the Original Trilogy, and thus mothers and motherhood would be defining traits. Symbolism became a common point of discussion, with moons, oceans, eggs, birth, creation, and femininity as recurring motifs that many attributed to the influence of Henson or Kennedy, though both have been clear that Lucas was already thinking about these things[10]. The Campbellian “spiritual feminine” quartet of “mother, sister, mistress, bride” became embedded parts of the narrative.

But what to do about Anniken’s father? Given the huge fandom reaction to the big reveal that Darth Vader was Luke’s Father in Episode V [11], naturally people were going to want to know who Anniken’s father was, with Lucas and Henson and Darabont all fully aware that no answer that they gave would be universally satisfying. George Lucas floated the idea of Anniken not even having a father, but instead being of virgin birth, though this created some issues of its own, particularly that of making a messianic figure out of a mass-murdering Fascist sociopath[12]. Audiences were willing to forgive Vader at the end of Legacy of the Jedi, but would they accept him as a Christ figure too?

And for that matter, should they show Anniken Skywalker becoming Darth Vader and thus “spoil” the big reveal from Ep. V for the hypothetical next generation fan? Or was it vanity itself to assume that the best-known cinematic reveal since “Rosebud was his sled” could possibly be kept secret even to that hypothetical next generation fan? And furthermore, should the twist be kept secret, then how would one even go about keeping it a secret while still giving the first-generation fans the catharsis of seeing how Anniken became Vader?

And then, on top of all of that, you had the “Vader Paradox.” As discussed earlier in this history, Father Skywalker and Darth Vader began as different characters, with Lucas’s later claims of “Darth Vader” equaling “Dark Father” not really backed by the observable evidence[13]. To summarize my earlier points:

The first draft of “The Star Wars”, which was essentially a retelling of Kurosawa’s The Hidden Fortress, assigned the name “Prince Valorem” to the “Dark Lord of the Sith” and assigned the name “Darth Vader” to the dishonorable Imperial Bureaucrat that Valorem kills just prior to switching sides and joining the heroes.
Kane Starkiller, the character that would evolve into Father Skywalker, is present as a main character from the second through third drafts of “The Star Wars” and is very much alive and opposed to his enemy Darth Vader, the name now reassigned to the Sith.
All the way up to the fourth draft and shooting script of “The Star Wars”, Luke kills Vader in a light saber battle on the surface of the Death Star during the rebel attack, a scene cut since it disrupted the flow of the climactic space battle.
Father Skywalker appears as a Force Ghost in the Leigh Bracket first draft of “Star Wars 2”.

Later-day Dark Horse Comics depiction of Kane Starkiller based upon the 2nd Draft of “The Star Wars” (Image source Borg.com)

As stated before, making Father Skywalker and Vader into the same person offered not just an amazing and now iconic twist that drastically raised the emotional stakes of the franchise, but it dealt with the obvious thematic redundancy of the Father Skywalker and Obi-Wan Force Ghosts. However, it created a host of creative challenges in its wake, not only retroactively making Obi-Wan into a manipulative liar but also upending the original canon, which had Father Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi growing up together as friends on Tatooine who ran off together to join the Jedi and fight in the Clone Wars. Uncle Owen was thus Luke’s blood relative and the brother of Father Skywalker. Obi-Wan’s dialog and Owen’s familiarity with Luke’s Father in the original film, which is implicitly personal rather than by reputation, all make it seem clear that Luke’s father is, like Luke and Obi-Wan, a child of Tatooine.

And yet Vader shows no familiarity with the planet Tatooine nor any hesitation or remorse in having his brother and sister-in-law murdered. It also makes Vader retroactively rather incompetent in not thinking to check his own home planet for signs of his missing former friend and master if the two grew up together. The novelization of Legacy of the Jedi attempts to remove this paradox by retroactively making Owen into Obi-Wan’s brother instead[14]. However, with this retcon Owen and Beru’s implicit familiarity with Luke’s Father becomes retroactively puzzling! George Lucas thus debated on whether he should come up with a way for Anniken to be a child of Tatooine or stick with Owen as Obi-Wan’s Brother and have Anniken from somewhere else. Either way, the after effects and plot holes produced by the “Vader paradox” would remain in one form or another no matter what direction they chose.

But how would one navigate these paradoxical challenges in a way that would be acceptable to a devoted and detail-oriented fandom while still being acceptable to regular audiences? Lucas, Henson, and Darabont had a major effort ahead of them.

[1] Kurtz was pushing for a bittersweet ending to Episode VI with the “other” that Yoda mentions in Ep. V being Luke’s long-lost sister Nellith, who would then return as the central character in a sequel trilogy. Han would be killed on the Green Moon and Luke would vanish into the sunset at the end of Ep. VI while Leia (not his sibling and canonically three years younger than Luke) was left as the Galaxy’s new “Queen” to put the pieces of the shattered galaxy back together. I considered going in this direction, but with all of these changes happening just a year after the point of departure and with the hell in Lucas’s life at the time and his anger at Kurtz, Kasdan, and Kirshner for the tonal changes they made to his “fun little Space Opera”, it seemed like a stretch with anything shy of having George Lucas hit by a truck.

[2] All true, at least according to The Secret History of Star Wars by Michael Kaminski, which is a frankly a work of investigative journalism that cuts through Lucas’s post-facto attempts at controlling and rewriting the production history of Star Wars. Lucas’s greatest legend is arguably not Star Wars, but the complicated myth of its immaculate conception as a fully formed generation-spanning saga, and Kaminski, citing numerous sources through the decades including Lucas’s own words, gives what’s probably the most candid and accurate look at the actual production history of Star Wars as best as I can tell. It is my primary source here (and obvious inspiration for this post), and while I have not been able to confirm all of the claims made in the book (the details about the “Revised First Draft” of Episode I are reliant on an original source that I can’t locate in order to verify) I have independently verified almost everything else that he claims.

[3] As cool and obvious as doing a Sequel Trilogy first would have been, Lucas very clearly intended to do Episodes I-III first and a truck hit would be required to change that.

[4] Geddit? ‘Cause he “cos da shit” to happen? *rimshot* I seriously wish that I was making that up, but that’s actually Palpatine’s original name (and you complain about my puns!). The character of Senator Charles Palantine from Taxi Driver probably influenced the change of name.

[5] All of this is true in our timeline.

[6] As he very nearly did in our timeline, before ultimately deciding to do it all himself.

[7] Recall that in our timeline and this one alike she graduated summa cum laude from Harvard with a degree in Mythology and Folklore.

[8] Is there any truth to the Star Wars Ring Theory in our timeline? I’m not sure. But there will be in this timeline!

[9] There has been a long-running debate in the fandom on whether Midi-Chlorians were planned by Lucas early on or added later. Kaminski claims that they were a late add, not appearing in the “Revised First Draft” of Episode I, as does this video (hat tip to @Ogrebear), both citing the Star Wars: Episode I Insider’s Guide CD-ROM, though I can’t get ahold of a copy of the CD-ROM to independently verify this. The debate appeared settled when Rinzler’s The Making of Star Wars was published in 2008 with the following quote, attributed to Lucas in 1977: “It is said that certain creatures are born with a higher awareness of the Force than humans. Their brains are different; they have more midi-chlorians in their cells.” WhatCulture.com still cites this as “proof” of Midi-Chlorians being the plan all along. However, Rinzler himself has since pushed back on this, saying on Starwars.com in 2013 that the original 1977 quote made no mention of Midi-Chlorians or anything like them and that Lucas added them to the quote after the fact to reinforce the new canon. Given the many earlier ideas on the nature of the Force that I can independently verify – the Kaiburr Crystals of the 2nd Draft of “The Star Wars” and the “like karate or yoga”, which Lucas himself said in a recorded developmental session with the Episode VI production team – the current “I always intended for it to be Midi-Chlorians” dogma seems rather disingenuous.

[10] Professor Anne Lancashire of the University of Toledo has an excellent scholarly paper calling out a lot of the symbolism of Episode I that goes into depth on the use of lunar symbolism and oceanic symbolism as feminine themes to play against the masculine solar focus of the Original Trilogy.

[11] Spoiler alert!

[12] I can find no evidence for Anniken being a “chosen one” prior to Episode I. Kaminski claims that the “Revised 1st Edition” of Episode I had no such component and speculates that it, along with the Midi-Chlorians, were added to explain why Obi-Wan (later Qui-Gon) would risk derailing a critical mission with millions of lives on the line just for one slave boy, Force powers or not. Hence (Kaminski maintains) he added the buff of a messianic legend and an “objective measure” of his Force potential (Midi-Chlorians), all to answer the question “why this boy?” I’d argue that the question that needed to be answered in that context was not “why this boy” (that’s as easy as “the force is strong with this one”), it was “why now?” Why not just alert the Jedi Council to the boy’s presence when you get back and have them send a Jedi with a briefcase full of “wupi-upis” to buy the kid and his mom after the Naboo Crisis was over? But that’s just one of many awkward questions about the whole Tatooine scenario.

[13] The first mention of “Darth Vader = Dark Father” appears in 2008 in our timeline. It doesn't even get passingly mentioned in Kaminsky's book (which was released in 2007), who undoubtedly would have noted such an important detail. All of the above points refuting this claim are verifiable through multiple sources, including verified early official draft screenplays of “The Star Wars” and even concept art (some of which are linked here). And since Disney bought Lucasflm, the company's official Historian J. W. Rinzler has been much more forthcoming about details of the Star Wars production history, even ones that directly contradict Lucas' "official" production history. Very long and winding story short, Lucas' "grand vision" for the Star Wars Saga has been far more malleable and fluid than Lucas has tried to maintain in later interviews.

As a fun bit of trivia, one of Kane Starkiller’s four sons is named “Anniken” [sic] and another is named Hayden! The others are Luke and Deak.

[14] The novelization of Return of the Jedi does likewise in our timeline, and later merchandise ran with this explanation. George Lucas later re-retconned them back into Skywalker blood relatives for our timeline’s Episode II.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 5, 2022

Jumanji (1995), a Retrospective
From Swords and Spaceships Magazine, February 2015

Guest post by WanderingProfessor

(Image source fanart.tv)

Ah, Jumanji, the classic 90s family fantasy film that has touched the hearts and minds of millions around the world, young and old. With a soft reboot in the works, it’s a good time to revisit the film for its 20th anniversary to see how Jumanji became the mega-franchise that we know today[1].

Since 1975’s Jaws, Steven Spielberg became a Hollywood heavyweight releasing hits such as Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977), ET the Extra-Terrestrial (1982), Poltergeist (1982), Gremlins (1984), The Goonies (1985), Hooked! (1991), and Schindler's List (1992) with the Indiana Jones franchise as his crowning achievement. In the ‘90s, Spielberg was still going strong and had plans to make more blockbuster hits to continue his hot streak of success. Aside from producing Casper and Cats, Spielberg set his eyes on directing a project based on the 1981 children's picture book Jumanji by Chris Van Allsburg about two siblings, Judy and Peter Shepherd, playing a magical yet dangerous board game that unleashes wild animals and a dangerous big game hunter named Van Hyde from the jungle to the real world. Spielberg bought the rights to the screenplay from Jonathan Hensleigh, Greg Taylor, and Jim Strain with Amblin Entertainment producing and with a December 1995 release date in mind[2].

Initially, Amblin discussed bringing Jumanji to Disney as part of the three-film deal but Spielberg chose Annie instead because Ted Turner trying to rekindle the relationship between the two companies and Columbia Pictures head Dawn Steel was specifically looking out for IP with theme park crossover potential. As such, she effectively lent Disney the film rights to Annie in exchange for Jumanji, and arguably got the better part of the deal. Spielberg had a studio willing to make the film and the next step was finding the right cast to bring the book to the big screen. For the role of Alan Parrish, Spielberg cast Tom Hanks because of his comedic chops in Splash and Memorial Day and strong dramatic performances in A League of Their Own and The Shawshank Redemption. Hanks’ agent handed him the script for Jumanji and after finishing all 111 pages of it, he loved it and said that it was “the most wonderful and charming script I’ve ever read.” Cheers alumni Kirstie Alley was brought on board as Sarah Whittle, veteran English actor Tim Curry was dual-cast as Sam Parrish and Van Hyde and comedian David Alan Grier was cast as Brantford Police Department (BPD) officer Carl Bentley[3].

actor-tom-hanks-attends-the-52nd-annual-golden-globe-awards-on-21-picture-id155210607

actor-tim-curry-attending-first-annual-screen-actors-guild-awards-on-picture-id156136248

Pictured (L-R), The three main stars of Jumanji; Tom Hanks, Kirstie Alley, and Tim Curry (Image source Getty and Bing)

For the Shepherd family, Steven handpicked Bebe Neuwirth as Nora for the chance to have a reunion with her Cheers co-star Kirstie Alley while Bradley Pierce was cast as Peter. But the most significant casting choice in Jumanji wasn't Hanks, Alley, or even Curry, it was a then-unknown Scarlett Johansson cast as Judy Shepherd. Prior to Jumanji, Johansson had two small onscreen credits as the grammatically wrong Sarah Hughes in Late Night with Conan O'Brien and North’s eventual adoptive sister Melanie Nelson in the Lorne Michaels produced NBC miniseries of the same name[4]. Johansson previously read for the part with Spielberg present. Despite some studio executives wanting the more well-known Kirsten Dunst as Judy, Spielberg stuck to his guns and convinced the studio to let him cast a lesser-known actor in the role much like he did with Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List[5]. In a December 2014 interview with the magazine discussing the production of the soft reboot, Johansson said that Judy Shepherd “was an important role for me as an actress” since it was the first time that she had a major supporting role in a blockbuster.

1990s Scarlett Johansson as Judy Shepherd (Image source Pinterest)

As for the film itself, it’s a rollicking, fast-paced flurry of action and emotion, driven by the at the time cutting edge of CG and animatronic effects backed by ILM. While it can show its age on occasion, the effects still hold up well.

It all centers, of course, on the eponymous cursed board game, which is introduced in flashback with a prologue in 1869 where two boys, Caleb and Benjamin, dispose of the Jumanji board game in the New Hampshire forest, even as one of them wants to run and asks his brother about the possibility of someone finding it.

CALEB shovels dirt over the Jumanji game as BENJAMIN looks on, scared.

BENJAMIN: (nervous) What if someone digs it up?

CALEB: May God have mercy on his soul.

Cut to CALEB and BENJAMIN on horseback, fleeing through the foggy New Hampshire woods.

It then cuts to a scene of a bustling small American town in 1969, with scenes of people driving their vintage cars, walking the streets, and traffic cops doing their job as the young Alan Parrish (played by Adam Hann-Byrd) greets the denizens. The film makes it very clear through indirect exposition and signs that the setting is Brantford, New Hampshire. Alan is being pursued by a gang of bullies who want to “kill him” and take his bike. Tense music plays as Alan tries to escape the bullies and successfully does as soon as he reaches his father Sam's shoe company factory. Alan gets off his bike and enters the Parrish Shoe Factory to check what the employees are doing. Alan greets Carl Bentley who gives him a friendly gesture and takes the opportunity to show him his new shoe,

CARL: Hey, Alan, didn’t expect to see you here.

ALAN: (panting) I had to run! Bill and his friends were trying to ki…

CARL: (interrupts) But first, you just have to see this! Now, I've been working on this for almost a year and I got an appointment afternoon with your father to show him this (Pulls out his shoe from one of the drawers for Alan to see). Go ahead, take it.

ALAN grabs a hold of the shoes.

CARL: So, what do you think? Do you like it?

ALAN: It’s a shoe.

CARL: A shoe!? Kid, this is the future! If I can get Wilt Chamberlain to wear ‘em, I predict that there will be a pair of those in every closet in America. That's gonna’ be the height of fashion.

ALAN: (unimpressed) Um…sure.

Alan takes a look in the window to see the bullies on their bikes waiting for him to come out and get beaten up by them. His father arrives and yells at Alan and scolds him for coming to the factory during work. Sam asks him if Billy Jessup (played by Gary Joseph Thorup) is picking on him again and tells his son that, eventually, he will need confront him someday. Meanwhile, the bullies wreck his bike.

They are interrupted by a loud noise as the factory witnesses a machine experiencing a malfunction due to Carl's shoe accidentally getting sucked into it. Alan, hearing his father’s words, goes outside to confront the bullies. Unfortunately, he is beaten to a bloody pulp by the bullies as they get away before the authorities can arrive. We also learn what the bullies’ problem with him is: a girl.

BILLY: Just because you're a Parrish doesn't mean you can't hang around with my girlfriend.

ALAN: We're just friends.

BILLY: Not anymore. Get him!

The camera cuts to a shot of Brantford obelisk as BILLY and the bullies beat up ALAN. The bullies depart and ride on their bikes, leaving ALAN visibly bruised and bloodied.

ALAN: JERKS!

ALAN wipes some blood off his face.

After the encounter with the bullies, Alan sees a construction site of a planned Parrish Factory Executive Annex with construction workers walking away from the site. Drum sounds play in the background as he walks through the broken earth of the construction site, growing into a crescendo and then stopping as he is near the place where the Jumanji board game is sticking up out of the dirt. Alan digs with his bare hands to get the game before looking to see if anyone is watching him. Alan then grabs the game and goes home with Jumanji and starts to play the game

ALAN unpacks and starts setings up Jumanji.

ALAN: Neat.

ALAN pulls out the elephant and rhino pieces from Jumanji and puts them together.

MARTHA: Alan. Are you home?

ALAN hears the voice of his mother MARTHA and puts away Jumanji, though the pieces are in their spots beginning what will be a decade-long game of survival for ALAN.

ALAN walks out to see his mother visibly distraught at him for getting into a confrontation with bullies.

MARTHA: (seeing the bruises) Oh, Alan, not again. Come on, we’ll clean you up for dinner.

Alan sits at the dining table while his father discusses his family's history with the town of Brantford. Sam is proud that his son stood up to the bullies, so much so that he announces his plans to put him in the Cliffside School for Boys in preparation for taking over the family business, despite Alan wanting to stay at home and not be like his parents. The conversation gets heated enough for Alan to storm out, declaring that he never wants to see his parents again.

SAM: I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for my years there.

ALAN: Maybe I don't want to wanna be who you are. Maybe I don't want to be a Parrish.

SAM: You won't be. Not till you start acting like one. (Looks at MARTHA) Get your coat!

SAM and MARTHA leave their home.

ALAN: I guess I'm not ready for Cliffside then!

SAM: We're taking you there next Sunday! I don't wanna hear another word about it!

ALAN: You won't! I'm never talking to you again!

Alan then hears a knock on the door and goes to see who it is. It's none other than his neighbor Sarah Whittle (played by Laura Bell Bundy), who is here to bring Alan's battered bike back to him. Sarah hears the sounds of Jumanji, to Alan's shock. He then brings her into his mansion to play the game. As soon as Alan starts playing the game, bats start coming out of the chimney and attack Sarah while Alan is sucked into the game and forced to play it for the rest of eternity.

(Image source Hooked on Houses)

SARAH: “At night they fly, you better run, these winged things are not much fun...”

SARAH and ALAN look at the chimney and hear the sound of bats.

SARAH: What was that?

ALAN: I don't know.

SARAH: Put it away, Alan!

The Parrish family clock rings at midnight as the pieces start moving

ALAN: “In the jungle, you must wait, until the dice read five or eight.” (beat) “In the jungle you must wait...” What's that mean?

A loud noise and sounds of drums echo through the house. Tendrils of light from the Jumanji game appear, grabbing ALAN and pulling him towards the game. SARAH tries to hold on to Alan’s hand and prevent him from getting sucked into Jumanji and they both scream. Suddenly, a swarm of bats erupt from the chimney. SARAH is attacked by bats and ALAN’s hand slips away. She flees, screaming, pursued by bats, as ALAN is sucked into the game.

After Alan is pulled into the game, the film time-skips to 1995. Two siblings, Judy and Peter Shepherd, have just moved into the Parrish mansion with their aunt Nora after their parents died on a ski trip in Canada, leaving only a goodbye note. Nora is preparing for Judy and Peter to attend their new school. Like the residents of Brantford, Judy and Peter believe the local legend that Sam and Martha Parrish murdered their son Alan by hacking him up and putting the pieces of his body in the mansion's walls, which deeply unsettles the siblings, though Nora doesn't believe it to be real.

NORA: Now, let's just try to relax and finish our dinner. Talk about something else.

JUDY: Well, we found out why you got this house so cheap. Twenty-six years ago, a kid named Alan Parrish used to live here. Then one day, he just disappeared...cause his parents chopped him up into little pieces and hid him in the walls.

NORA: (shocked and irritated) Okay, that's it. I am sick and tired of your lies, young lady. You are grounded.

JUDY: Fine. There's nowhere to go in this stupid town anyway.

JUDY gets up from her seat and walks upstairs to her room. She stops and turns to NORA.

JUDY: And just for your information, that wasn't a lie.

Peter is sleeping in the bedroom when Judy opens the door and gets into bed. They reminisce on their deceased parents with Peter asking Judy if she misses them and she says no but Peter suspects she is lying and tells her that she will be sent to a shrink.

The next day, Nora is preparing Judy and Peter for their first day at school in Brantford. She is going to the school office to submit her folder on Judy and Peter and asks them to make a call if she is held up. She turns around to face Judy and Peter and wants to know if they have the house keys but they don't say a single word and look a little blank-eyed until Nora says hello twice for Judy and Peter to respond. Nora considers bringing her two grandchildren to school but Judy declines and notes that the bus will be here soon. She tells them to be good today and leaves the mansion.

Judy and Peter then hear drum sounds from Jumanji and rushes upstairs with Peter. Peter and Judy look in the basement and go through some board games and discover Jumanji for the first time. Judy tells Peter to bring the game near the door and pulls a wooden box to set up Jumanji. Judy and Peter discover that the pieces are permanently stuck on the board and they quickly learn that Jumanji is no ordinary board game, but a cursed game that releases dangerous wild animals, and that players have to roll the dice to complete the game to avoid being killed.

Judy and Peter are almost immediately attacked by some giant wasps! Judy is able to kill one of them and chase the others away. Peter, now visibly scared, rolls the dice again and monkeys come out of the mansion with some attacking and making a mess in the kitchen.

More fun than a kitchen of killer monkeys… (Image source Imago)

On Peter's third roll, a five, lions come out of Jumanji, with one of them about to kill him and Judy only for a hairy, bearded man to take on the lion, saving Peter.

As Peter and Judy look on in shock, not sure whether to trust this strange man, the bearded man goes into his room and sees Alan’s old bike, his shirt, and a photo of his parents, placed as a reminder of the old times. The man is glad to Judy and Peter for rolling a five to free him from the game and loudly screams that he is home to his mother and father across his old mansion. The man introduces himself to Judy and Peter as Alan Parrish, the boy that disappeared in 1969.

ALAN: Are you my little sister?

JUDY: No. I'm Judy and he's Peter.

ALAN: Where's Mom? Is Dad at the factory?

JUDY: Mom? Factory? (beat) Are you Alan Parrish?

ALAN: Yeah. Who are you?

JUDY: Um, Judy, and this is Peter. We, ah, live here now.

Alan is shocked to learn that the Shepherds are now the occupants of his mansion. He runs out of his home and sees his friend Carl, who is now a police officer. Alan jumps onto the car's hood to greet him and later asks Carl what year is it only for Judy to say it’s 1995. Although Alan explicitly tells Carl that he was in Jumanji, Judy says that he was also in the Peace Corps. The monkeys from the game break into Carl's police car and Alan starts imitating the sounds of the monkeys. Alan looks at 1995 Brantford and sees a town in decline with vandalism, homeless people and an adult video store. When Alan arrives at the factory, he finds it to be broken and torn up, he goes off to meet a former employee, the only person left in the factory with a dog as his companion. He explains to Alan why Sam closed the factory.

ALAN: Do you know what happened to this shoe factory?

EMPLOYEE: Yeah, it folded up, like everything else in this town. How 'bout some coffee

ALAN: Why would they close Parrish shoes?

EMPLOYEE: When his kid ran away, Sam put all he had into trying to find him. His time, his money. Everything.

EMPLOYEE: After a while, he stopped comin' to work. He just quit carin’.

Alan leaves the factory with Judy and Peter. He visits a graveyard and is heartbroken to learn that his parents died in 1991. Alan, Judy and Peter then go to a car to drive back home but Alan struggles to use a then-modern car since he was trapped for twenty-six years but with a giant mosquito hovering above them, he floors it. Once he reaches his former mansion, Alan takes the time to clean himself up and walks out of the bathroom as a homely though pretty decent-looking man.

But they all realize that until the game is complete, the dangers will continue, so they have to keep playing. After a little pep talk, Judy rolls the dice again but unlike before, Jumanji isn’t unleashing any dangerous animals. Alan realizes that it’s because it’s Sarah Whittle's turn. After some research, Alan goes to Madam Serena’s Psychic Readings with Judy and Peter to meet Sarah. Judy knocks on the door and Sarah comes out, and sees Alan for the first time in years. She passes out in front of him.

Alan takes Sarah to his old mansion to recover. When she wakes up, Sarah makes a call to Dr. Boorstein about Alan supposedly never disappearing. Alan sets up the game on the table which freaks out Sarah who has spent her life convincing others that Jumanji wasn't real and confessed she made up the story of Alan's parents murdering him. Alan urges Sarah to play Jumanji but refuses, only to trick her into rolling the dice and continuing the game.

ALAN: And guess what? It's your turn.

SARAH: No!

ALAN: Play the game.

SARAH: Oh, no, no, no.

ALAN: Just gimme the dice and you can go home. You don't have to play.

ALAN holds out his hand for her to return the dice. SARAH drops the dice, but ALAN deliberately moves his hands so SARAH rolls the dice.

MV5BMTQxMDE1MzA4Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwOTgyMTE0NQ@@._V1_.jpg

(Image source IMDB)

Now, with Sarah in the game whether she likes it or not, the game is on and it’s life or death. What follows for Alan, Sarah, Judy and Peter is a series of crazy shenanigans: the appearance of big game hunter Van Hyde trying to kill them, wild animals, Peter slowly turning into a monkey and losing his humanity, the floor of the Parrish mansion turning into quicksand before the place is flooded and torn asunder by an earthquake. At one point, wild animals rampage through the town of Brantford, smashing cars and causing chaos. The scenes clip through quickly, with danger after danger, ultimately culminating in Alan making the fateful roll dice to complete the game and bring everything back to normal.

VAN HYDE has them cornered, and levels his rifle at ALAN. ALAN drops the dice. They fall in slow motion.

VAN HYDE: Any last words?

One of ALAN's dice lands as a two, causing one of the pieces to slide up to the last spot on the board.

ALAN: Jumanji

VAN HYDE: (beat) What?

ALAN: Jumanji!

SARAH rushes to shield ALAN from VAN HYDE's gunshot only for him and everything else to be sucked back into Jumanji, since ALAN finally completed the game.

After completing the game, Alan and Sarah return to 1969 Brantford and throw Jumanji into the river so that no one will have the misfortune of playing it. Alan reconciles with his father upon learning that he doesn't have to go to Cliffside and admits responsibility for getting Carl's shoe in the machine. Alan and Sarah’s actions would create an alternate present where they are a happily married couple celebrating Christmas with Martha and Jim Shepherd. Alan gives Jim a job at the Parrish Shoe Factory thus preventing the deaths of Judy and Peter's parents.

(Image source YouTube)

And in the last scene of the film, two girls are walking on the beach hear the sounds of Jumanji, now partially buried in the sand.

Jumanji was yet another smash hit for Steven Spielberg, grossing over $302.4 million at the box office and finished its run as the eighth highest-grossing film of 1995 in spite of the film's mixed reception with some critics deriding it as too scary for children, though Tom Hanks and Scarlett Johansson were praised for their performances as Alan Parrish and Judy Shepherd, respectively. The movie had an aggressive marketing push by Amblin and Columbia with merchandise (including Happy Meal Toys), a moderately-performing platform console game[6], a novelization that fleshed out details left unexplained in the movie, and even a replica of the Jumanji game with the same rules and cover as the movie version. But most of all, Jumanji spawned the epic Jumanji: Into the Game dark ride at Columbia Peach Grove Studios theme park in Atlanta, and later the Jumanji Animal Encounter crossover with the Atlanta Zoo.

Jumanji's success spawned two sequels released in 2000 and 2003 respectively with the original cast reprising their roles[7] and an underperforming spinoff in Zathura: A Space Adventure, which featured Jumanji in a cameo near the end and references to the events of the trilogy. The failure of Zathura killed off interest in the franchise for a while. The film also launched the career of Scarlett Johansson, who would go on to appear in many films throughout her career well past childhood[8].

Now that a soft reboot is in production with a new cast and actors from the original films, let's hope that it will end up as good as the first and not fall apart like Zathura.

[1] In our timeline it took over 18 years for the Jumanji franchise to have a new installment in the form of Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. That film had a new cast since Robin Williams committed suicide in 2014 and the other actors were too busy doing other films/TV shows to come back. Here, the fact that Spielberg directs Jumanji coupled with a theme park ride and promotional crossover in Atlanta means it will get two sequels with the original cast returning.

[2] Long story short, Amblin had a three-film deal with Disney and considered making it but chose another picture instead.

[3] The cast is basically a mixture between the first choices or other actors auditioning for the film and the cast from our timeline. Hanks was the first choice to play Alan Parrish but turned it down due to being cast as Jim Lovell in Apollo 13. Similarly, Kirstie Alley turned down the part of Sarah Whittle because she was in the Olsen Twins film It Takes Two. Both Hanks and Alley get to play Alan and Sarah because Apollo 13 instead is directed by Robert Zemeckis as Lost Eagle with John Travolta as Lovell and It Takes Two doesn't exist due to numerous butterflies. Curry will also get the chance to play Parrish and Van Hyde, especially the latter.

[4] Yes, Johansson did appear in a Late Night with Conan O'Brien skit in that exact same role. As for North, don't worry it's nothing like the painfully unfunny, stereotype-filled movie of our timeline. instead, it's a modestly-performing TV miniseries adaptation of a 1989 skit by Alan Zwiebel for Saturday Night Live which gets a rewrite by Joss Whedon that turns it into a cult classic.

[5] Spielberg does have a track record with then-unknown actors like Christian Bale in Empire of the Sun or Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List so he would be more open to having Scarlett Johansson play Judy Shepherd than Joe Johnston. For the 1995 movie that has Kirsten Dunst in it, we'll see.

[6] @TheFaultsofAlts, your wish is granted.

[7] The proposed 2000 Jumanji sequel was supposed to have the game end up in the White House and Steve Buscemi was going to be in it as the evil Vice President who takes over the United States from John Cooper and involve a new cast of characters separate from the first one. That film will end up coming to fruition as will a third movie and Zathura as an actual spinoff to Jumanji since the original book was a sequel to that book. On the soft reboot, it won't be the Dwayne Johnson-headed comedy though it will involve an upgraded video game version of Jumanji created by a video game designer attempting to cash in on the events of the previous films.

[8] Johansson gets an early career boost along with Annie and both make her an in-demand child actress though not yet a solidly established actress post-childhood yet. In our timeline it took Lost in Translation and The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie to make her into the Hollywood A-lister today.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 7, 2022

Chapter 24: World War P
From Theme Park Confidential: The Corporate Machinations and Machiavellian Intrigue behind your Favorite Parks, by E. Z. Ryder

In 1997 Six Flags Warner Movie World Paris opened just east of the French capital. It was the second-largest theme park in Europe after Disneyland Valencia, and a new front in the ongoing war between Disney and its rivals. It was now a World War[1].

Warner Movie World Paris, or WWP as it became known colloquially, was in planning for a long time, but from announcement to opening it was only about three years. The planning and deal with the French government came shortly after Disney announced the Valencia park, rejecting President François Mitterrand’s overtures for a Paris location. Almost immediately Warner Brothers, who had recently acquired the Six Flags theme park chain, approached Mitterrand through a series of back-door channels. When the tentative deal was announced in 1994 it caught everyone off guard, not just Disney, but the French people and government! The ensuing debate in the National Assembly was raucous and at times belligerent as the far right and far left both openly opposed the plan, with the nationalist right leading the anti-Warner charge (ultimately giving far right National Front candidate Jean-Marie Le Pen a shocking second-place finish in the 1995 presidential election). Even so, the National Assembly passed the measure on a very narrow vote, with many of Mitterrand’s own Socialists breaking ranks in opposition.

Opening Soon in Paris (Image source Civitatis)

From the start, the park, derogatorily referred to as “Parque Daffy”, was plagued with protests, with “anarchists and nationalists” having to be physically removed from the property, often after having their chains cut by bolt cutters. Executives suffered eggings and other indignities. French construction workers used the threat of strikes to squeeze out more pay, causing costs to skyrocket. But even so, the Six Flags team had learned from Disney’s challenges and managed to produce Phase I of the park for about $2.2 billion, much of it covered by the French government through grants and subsidies and loans. The park would lack the “fourth level of detail” that Disneyland Valencia had, and would generally be seen as inferior by aficionados, but the central location and relatively low construction costs made it quickly profitable, which sent shockwaves through Disney. If an “inferior” park could be more inherently profitable, then was the cost of the “Disney Difference” worth it? And could Disney actually abandon the Disney Difference, or would that cut their own throat?

The Six Flags team also struggled on how to make the park appeal to the French. At first, Pepé le Pew was considered as a mascot since he was “French”, though some feared that he’d be seen as an offensive stereotype. However, research soon made it clear that the French didn’t see Pepé as “French” at all since he was dubbed in French with an Italian accent. Similarly, Italians dubbed him Spanish and Spaniards dubbed him Portuguese in what Tom Ruegger called a “cascade of stereotyping”. Instead, Warner decided to drop the Francification and stay “American”. Keeping things “American” was a double-edged sword in that it added to cries of Cultural Imperialism, but it dodged the whole struggle on how to make the park appeal directly to the French.

They decided at first to keep things similar to what they had developed for the Queensland Warner World, with a DC Heroes Justice Center, a Loony Land kids’ zone, and a Hollywood Avenue section with theaters and a tram to the Warner Studios complex, where live shows would be recorded. This latter aspect would lose interest as VCD extras demystified the process and the costs of filming in France soared compared to other locations. Instead of diving fully into unique and immersive experiences like Disney was famous for, much of the park was built more on traditional rides like a Ferris Wheel and roller coasters, all rethemed with Warner IP, be it Batman or Bugs Bunny. However, certain experiences, such as Batman’s Gotham Chase dark ride and Hollywood Stunt Driving Show, proved immensely popular. Walkaround characters and actors in costume greeted guests, with Batman making regular circuits in the Batmobile and Superman (an actor in a harness) seen flying across the sky. Later additions in the 21st century would include a Nickland adjacent to Loony Land, a Jazz City music and dining facility, and an Adventure Lagoon.

The announcement sent shockwaves through the industry. Disney reacted with near panic to the announcement, but quickly regrouped, making a deal with the German government for what would become Disneytown Berlin, which we cover in our chapter on Disneytowns. Columbia, which had recently acquired King’s Entertainment Company, began approaching various European park owners, ultimately acquiring Germany’s Bavaria Filmland/Neue Traumland in Bottrop in North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany[2]. Retheming everything with Columbia and associated IP, the park split between the “Hollywood in Germany” section, which competed directly with WWP in that regard, and lots of IP-themed roller coasters and similar rides. Already in competition with the new Disneytowns in Canada and Australia thanks to their Canada’s Wonderland and Australia’s Wonderland parks, the Bottrop location put them in remote competition with Disneytown Berlin on the “German front”.

Universal Studios, on the other hand, decided that with Warner growing quickly and Columbia acquiring Kings Entertainment, they needed to step up their game. They decided on a three-pronged approach. First, they would expand their Universal Studios Florida location with new lands and attractions. Second, they would expand their Hollywood Studios location with a “second gate” that included rides and attractions based on Universal IP. And third, they would open a European location and explore Asian locations.

First off, USF received a second gate in the Islands of Adventure park. While the original park was built upon classic Universal films, such as ET, Jaws, the Universal Monsters, and King Kong and later expanded with Toei Kaiju, such as Godzilla, Islands of Adventure would largely feature other company’s IP. First off, they scored a major win in a deal with Triad, gaining the park rights to the Terminator franchise, Predator franchise (though Disney retained Alien), and even the venerable Star Trek franchise. This began with the immersive Star Trek Experience, which included simulator rides and areas for both the original Star Trek and the Next Generation. The industrial building that housed the generators and climate control and water facilities would even get made over to look like a Borg Cube. The Star Trek Experience would prove so popular that they would eventually add a new “land” to the Islands, a “real” Star Fleet Academy with unique user learning and interactive experiences. A Kid’s Zone with Universal cartoons such as Woody Woodpecker was added at the same time.

USF also expanded with the Universal City Center facility, a Pleasure Island/Disney Plaza type facility with shops and bars and restaurants, proving surprisingly popular since it was closer to downtown Orlando than Pleasure Island, which became a place most popular with guests already on the WDW campus.

The late 1990s would also see an expansion of Universal Studios Hollywood, who would take over a city block in North Hollywood near the main USH campus and convert it into a second gate, Universal Adventures, which would be a miniaturized version of Islands of Adventure crossed with Universal City Central. The facility, close to downtown LA, proved popular, though was no real competition to the immense Port Disney facility at Long Beach. Universal would stake a noteworthy slice of the pie, but the LA Basin remained firmly in the grip of the Mouse.

Finally, they would look for options in Europe and Asia. They approached the city of Marseille and other French Riviera cities, hoping to grab a spot in between WWP and DLV, but were rejected. Instead, Italy became the place to go. In 1996 they made a deal with Gardaland in Veneto near Verona, midway between Venice and Milan, building a Universal Studios Italy park adjacent to Gardaland as a second gate[3]. The park would replicate the USF design with rides based upon Universal IP, but also a Trek simulator ride and other Islands of Adventure type amusements. While USI would never quite reach the attendance numbers of DLV or WWP, it nonetheless made a good profit thanks largely to local Italian visitors and some guests from elsewhere in Europe[4].

For Asia, they naturally partnered with their Toho collaborators. Toho had a small studio park in Kyoto, but nothing of the scale of a Universal park and had no realistic way to expand. Instead, Universal would collaborate with Toho and local Japanese construction firms to build Universal-Toho Studios in Osaka. UTSJ would be a full-sized park similar in scale to the original Florida park and feature many of the same attractions, but with many Toho IP based characters and attractions. Plagued by environmental cleanup concerns given the post-industrial location, cost overruns would ultimately drive the build price to $1.5 billion. It would open in 2001.

World War P (P for “Park”, obviously) thus became a four-way conflict: Disney-MGM (allied with Pearson and OLC), Warner Brothers/Six Flags, Columbia/Kings, and Universal (allied with Gardaland and Toei), all carved out spheres of influence in their respective districts. It’s a war that continues to this day as the four studios continue to make regional alliances and acquisitions, expanding parks, and other offensive and defensive decisions.

And as the four – five if you include Pearson as its own entity beyond their Disney alliance – continue to try and on-up each other, the winner, inevitably, is the customer.

[1] As always, hat tip to @Denliner and @El Pip.

[2] Purchased by Warner in 1994 in our timeline, becoming Warner Brothers Movie World, Germany.

[3] Will take the place of our timeline’s Movieland Park.

[4] With Europeans less willing than their North American counterparts to make long drives, local theme parks will fare well, attracting good local crowds while the “big” parks (WWP and DLV) will become “special occasion getaway” locations, demanding higher prices but providing more experiences.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 9, 2022

Gorbachev, Communists Lose Power in USR Elections

Yeltsin wins commanding victory in Presidential Election

DUP, “Yabloko” see major Parliamentary gains, expected to form coalition

From The Times of London, October 25th, 1995

Moscow – Mikhail Gorbachev’s Communist Party suffered major electoral losses across the Union of Sovereign Republics in yesterday’s historic open universal Parliamentary and Presidential elections, the nation’s first. Despite carefully shepherding the USR into existence as the old Soviet order crumbled, continuing economic hardships as the post-Soviet economy attempts to liberalize and regional and ethnic tensions resulted in massive losses for the powers-that-be. Additionally, gains were made by regional and ethnic parties in the non-Russian States and Autonomous Republics while only small gains were seen by Unionist and far-right parties.

Instead, the office of the Presidency will pass to the outspoken opposition leader Boris Yeltsin[1], who won a commanding victory in the first open Presidential race, while his Democratic Union Party made major gains in the Duma, with up-and-coming Yeltsin protégé Boris Nemtsov quickly assuming Yeltsin’s leadership role in the DUP[2]. Other major gains were made by the centre-left United Democratic Party, or "Yabloko" (the name meaning “apple” but ultimately refereeing to the founders’ initials: Grigory Yavlinsky, Yuri Boldyrev, and Vladimir Lukin). Young and urban voters, who came out in large numbers, drove the more liberal shift while rural areas of Russia and Belarus and eastern Ukraine tended to back the left-populist Socialist Union Party and Russian-nationalist Democratic People’s Party. Meanwhile, Western Ukraine largely supported the Ukrainian nationalist and western-leaning Ukrainian People’s Party while the non-Slavic States and Autonomous Republics largely backed local ethnic and regional parties, creating a highly diverse but sizable block of ethnic regional parties, which are expected to push for greater decentralization of power and local autonomy. Yabloko and the DUP are in discussions along with the UPP and several small regional and ethnic parties and are expected to form a workable centrist and federalist coalition.

Yeltsin, meanwhile, rode the wave of young and urban voters to a commanding victory as USS President, winning out over Gorbachev, Lukin, and the SUP’s Aman Tuleyev, among other names in the crowded field. With a “friendly coalition” in the Duma, greater economic liberalization is expected and greater rapprochement with the west seems likely. Yabloko, the DUP, and the UPP are seen as “west-leaning” liberal parties whose largest differences are on the economic front, with Yeltsin and Nemtsov’s DUP being much more classically liberal and pro-capitalist. Both favor greater liberalization of the economy (though differ on the extent and role of government regulators) and both favor greater personal freedom and more liberal social values compared to more nationalistic parties such as the DPP, which is openly courting the Orthodox Patriarchs.

The impending coalition with regional parties also indicates that a looser and more federalized union may be in the cards, with Yeltsin pledging to meet with such people as Chechen State President Dzhokhar Dudayev in order to negotiate greater regional and cultural autonomy. According to Cambridge Scholar Nevil… Cont’d on A3.

Warner Brothers launches New TV Network
Hollywood Reporter, January 11th, 1995

Los Angeles – And then there were Five. Warner Brothers Studios’ long-awaited broadcast television network, called “The WB”, launched today on numerous affiliated channels. The WB, which is expected to naturally focus on WB-created content such as long-anticipated DC Live Action Television series, is the first network to enter the Broadcast TV space since Triad’s highly-successful Paramount-Fox Network, or PFN. Analysts are sanguine about the channel, despite the challenges of the highly competitive space, citing the unique and popular IP held by Warner… Cont’d on A4.

Universal, ABC announce $8.5 Billion Merger
Hollywood Reporter, August 13th, 1995

Los Angeles – MCA/Universal and ABC/Hollywood today announced a cash-and-stock merger valued at over $8.5 billion. The merger will see Universal’s TV studios merged into the new Universal-ABC Television, to be headed by Sumner Redstone, with Bob Iger as ABC President[3] and will see Universal Studios take over Hollywood Pictures, Miramax, and Hollywood Animation under Studio Chairman/CEO Jeff Katzenberg (taking over for the retiring Sidney Sheinberg) and whom will also become Universal’s Chief Creative Officer. MCA/Universal Chairman and CEO Lew Wasserman will retire and hand the corporate reigns to ABC’s Thomas Murphy as the new Chairman and CEO of the combined company. The new Universal/ABC is valued at over $18 billion in combined assets.

Disney to acquire NBC from GE in $4.5 Billion Deal
Hollywood Reporter, October 2nd, 1995

Los Angeles – Flanked by walkaround and animatronic versions of Mickey Mouse, the MGM Lion[4], and the NBC Peacock, Walt Disney Entertainment Chairman Jim Henson and GE Chairman and CEO Jack Welch today announced the cash-and-stock acquisition of NBC by Disney in a deal valued at over $4.5 billion following nearly a decade of close business cooperation. General Electric, meanwhile, is expected to use the nearly $1 billion in liquid cash to help fund their increasing forays into renewable energy under the Green Growth Act. The sale, which many see as made in response to the recent merger of Universal and ABC, is expected to see Disney and MGM Television assets merged with NBC as a new Disney-NBC Television group[5], with many expecting MGM Vice Chair Bernie Brillstein, who reportedly masterminded the deal, to take over as Chairman and CEO of the television group while current NBC Entertainment President Garth Ancier will remain as President and COO. GE executive Bob Wright, whom Welch put in charge of NBC earlier, will ascend to the Disney Board of Directors to represent the interests of GE, who now maintains a roughly 10.5% stake in the Walt Disney Entertainment Company. The deal brings with it a major expansion of Disney and MGM’s already significant television presence, and it is expected that the Wonderful World of Disney will soon leave CBS for NBC affiliates.

* * *

Entertainment Companies with Major Assets (1996)

Triad Entertainment Group

Chairman/CEO: Martin S. Davis

Major Subsidiaries:

Paramount Studios
20th Century Studios
Fox Studios (Includes Filmation)
Paramount-Fox Network Television (PFN)
Madison Square Garden (Includes the New York Rangers and New York Knicks)
Simon & Schuster Publishing
Sega Corp.

Warner Brothers Entertainment, Inc.

Chairman/CEO: Terry Semel

Major Subsidiaries:

Warner Bros. Studios (Includes Warner Brothers Animation/Rankin-Bass)
Warner Bros. Television
Six Flags Theme Parks
Warner Bros. Publishing (Includes DC Comics)

Universal/ABC Entertainment Group

Chairman/CEO: Tom Murphy

Major Subsidiaries:

Universal City Studios Group (Includes Hollywood Pictures, Miramax, National Amusements, & Hollywood Animation)
Universal-ABC Television Group
Universal Studios Parks & Tours
Music Corporation of America (MCA) Records
CC/ABC Publishing

Time-Atlantic Corporation

Chairman/CEO: J. Richard Munro

Major Subsidiaries:

Tri-Star Studios (Includes Elstree Studios and Atlantic Productions & Distribution)
Time Media
Time-Atlantic Television Group (includes ITV, the Atlantic Broadcasting Group, and Taft Broadcasting)
British Satellite Broadcasting (BSB) (minority stake)
CBS (minority stake)

Walt Disney Entertainment Company

Chairman: Jim Henson; CEO: Frank Wells

Major Subsidiaries:

Disney-MGM Studios (includes Disney Studios, MGM, Hyperion Pictures, Fantasia Films, Walt Disney Animation, Disney Music, and Buena Vista Distribution)
Disney-NBC Television Entertainment (Includes NBC, Disney TV, A&E Group, and Disney Publishing, including Marvel, Inc.)
Walt Disney Resorts & Recreation (includes Parks, Hotels, Cruises, and Good Sports)
Walt Disney Imagineering (includes Imagine, Inc.)

Columbia Entertainment Group

Chairman/CEO: Ted Turner

Major Subsidiaries:

Columbia Pictures
Columbia Broadcasting Service (CBS)
Columbia Parks and Attractions (includes Kings Entertainment Company)
Turner Entertainment Group
Hanna-Barbera Animation

Penguin Entertainment Group (a subsidiary of Pearson PLC)

Chairman/CEO: Richard Daly

Major Subsidiaries:

Penguin Pictures (includes Pathé & Pinewood Studios)
Penguin Television Group (includes Rank, ACI, Thames, and Grundy)
Tussaud’s Entertainment Group (Parks & Engineering; includes stakes in Disneyland Valencia and Port Disney, Long Beach)
Penguin Animation (includes Nelvana and Cosgrove Hall Films)
Penguin Publishing

[1] With Gorbachev in a stronger position in 1991 following the May Day Purge, he was strong enough to resist Yeltsin’s calls for open elections in 1991 and instead had the Supreme Soviet vote him in as the first President of the USR. Yeltsin instead became the “face of the opposition” and made enough stink that the newly-christened Duma and Gorbachev agreed to open elections in 1995 with the end of Gorbachev’s 5-year term. Yeltsin’s unique position as the Voice of Democracy makes him the obvious successor here.

[2] For reference, Vladimir Putin is currently an up-and-coming apparatchik within the FSB. Since there was no Coup he never left the KGB and instead carried over into the FSB. With Putin not in politics, Nemtsov is Yeltsin’s right-hand man.

[3] Daniel Burke will retire in late 1995 and Redstone will ascend as Universal President and COO while Iger will take over the Universal/ABC Television Group.

[4] Essentially the Thought Lion from our timeline’s Jim Henson Hour.

[5] Disney and MGM Studios will also be merged to maintain the iconic “Mickey Glove” organizational structure without giving it a fifth finger, simultaneously eliminating the old redundancy of the Hyperion/Disney split, which was based in internal politics more than organizational efficiency. Tom Wilhite will head the combined studio as Chairman/CEO with Roy Disney as his Vice Chair and President/COO. And hat tip to @El Pip for suggesting the GGA tie-in.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 10, 2022

Chapter 16, When a Mouse Meets a Peacock
Excerpt from Where Did I Go Right? (or: You’re No One in Hollywood Unless Someone Wants You Dead), by Bernie Brillstein (with Cheryl Henson)

In 1995 I brokered the deal of my life. You know the one: NBC.

This was the era where Broadcast TV was still king, but the crown was getting a bit tarnished as competition from cable increased, and increasingly major studios were merging with the broadcasters (CBS with Columbia, ABC with Universal) or studios were making their own channels (Triad and PFN, and WB). And you can blame the Fed in that respect for relaxing rules governing the producers of content being allowed to broadcast content.

Uncle Walt, Prof. Von Drake, and the Inspiration for Enby (Image source Animation Proclamations on Tumbler)

The deal was a natural, when you think about it. I’d long worked with NBC and had close relations with Lorne Michaels and other producers. I’d spun many new shows into NBC or claimed struggling shows for Hyperion TV or other cable channels, breathing new life into them. Best yet, Jack Welch needed cash. You see, President Gore, thanks in a large part to Frank Wells, had passed his Green Growth Act, and that meant lots of cash and incentives available for green tech makers. And GE was the US company at the forefront of such tech. So, I called on some contacts, made the meetings, and in the end, not only was Jack open to selling the network, which was starting to stagnate despite the success of ER, Friends Like Us and other popular shows, but was really happy at the chance to claim nearly a billion in liquid funds to spin up windmill and solar panel factories in places like Virginia, Tennessee, Michigan, and Ohio.

But he also wanted to keep a stake in the entertainment realm, which had high returns and offered “product synergy opportunities” (and yes, that’s a euphemism for product placement!). He hoped that Disney, which was starting to be seen as a “major” studio on par with Triad, Universal, and WB rather than an “also ran”, would be a better manager of the asset. As such, he was also very interested in a stock-swap, giving GE a stake in the Magic Kingdom.

In the end, after frustrating months of fiscal wrangling by Frank [Wells], Stan [Kinsey], Rich [Nanula], and the Legal Weasels, we made the deal: newly issued stock shares equal to just over a 10% stake plus the $978.3 million in cash. He’d get to spin up his assembly lines with some matching federal funds and also hold a solid stake in Disney, we’d claim ownership of NBC and its associated assets, such as A&E and a few other cable channels. We even arranged a GE sponsorship deal for Universe of Energy at EPCOT after Exxon declined to renew, not exactly citing their dislike of our corporate support for Green Energy, but that dislike being quite apparent.

Jim even snuck in a new character for the revamped, more green-themed Pavilion: a busy old bee set in her ways that gets frustrated when a younger bee (“Bee Sweet”, voiced by Tara Freeman) keeps proposing new efficient ways to gather nectar and make honey. Officially named “Bee Arthur” and voiced by the Golden Girl herself, we secretly named her “The Esso Bee” in a coy reference to the former sponsors and the acronym we used to describe them[1].

Check out this sorry Esso Bee (Image source Bethany Breckon on Pinterest)

But not everyone was happy with the deal. Diane Disney Miller opposed the move from the start. She opposed diluting their shares and accused us of paying too much. She thought that we were taking on too big of a bite at one time, and thought that the motivations, ABC’s rumored merger with Universal, showed a reactive rather than proactive mindset. And she particularly didn’t like bringing GE onto the board, not trusting that the company would have the best interests of the Disney company in mind, but would just want to try and run us like a subsidiary. “Do you really want Jack Welch injecting his ideas into Animation?” In hindsight she wasn’t entirely wrong, but her opposition rankled Roy’s business manager and unofficial mouthpiece Stanley Gold. Stanley can make a stink like nobody else, and made his opinions loudly and indelicately known to the board, offending Diane and irritating Al Checchi. Diane ultimately voted in favor of the deal, but I was on notice from the very start.

And there was an extra wrinkle: Roy was a big proponent of the deal, and had helped me to arrange the meetings. And soon enough, after a meeting with Stanley Gold, GE was soon pledging a few million to help build the Walt Disney Concert Hall that Diane’s mother was advocating for. Did Diane suspect that Roy and Stan were somehow in league with Jack Welch? Was this all the Walt-Roy shit raising its ugly head again after a decade and a half of peace?

But anyway, despite Diane’s suspicions, the board unanimously supported the deal and the paper was signed. Creatureworks soon created a new NBC Peacock walkaround and Muppet character for appearances and ad spots (Kevin Clash was the official Muppet Performer). We named him “Enby” and Kevin gave him a slick, street-smart personality in keeping with NBC’s Big City values.

And best of all, we had a long-overdue reorganization.

As you may recall, to smooth Tom Wilhite’s ruffled feathers, when we created Hyperion Pictures, we made it a separate “Finger” on the “Mickey Glove” of the org chart (the middle one, to be precise, in keeping with our “adult” focus). Well, naturally when Frank grabbed the MGM name and logo from Ted Turner at a discount, Hyperion became MGM. And MGM had a whole different set of management structures and overhead, and different feelers into different parts of subsets like Music and TV in parallel with, and occasionally overlapping, Disney Studios.

And you’ve heard me bitch about the redundancies and conflicts ad nauseum by this point, so I won’t bore you by repeating them.

Suffice it to say, we restructured, keeping the four fingers of the Mickey Glove, but merging the Film Studios and Buena Vista Distribution into one department named Disney-MGM Studios and the Television studios into Disney-NBC Television. Music went with the MGM side (given the natural tie-ins to film scores) and publishing went with TV mostly to balance things out size-wise. There were still crossovers and redundancies, of course. Marvel was on the TV side even as their movies for MGM were one of their biggest moneymakers. Hyperion Publishing still managed film novelizations. Music played for both sides. But in the end, there was a clearer division of resources and chains of management.

And best yet, as the one who spearheaded the NBC merger, I became the Chairman of Disney-NBC Television, with NBC President Garth Ancier retaining the presidency and working for me, but reporting to the Disney-NBC board.

I set out immediately to get things running in good order. First up was having lunch with Garth. I assumed that he’d take immediate issue with answering to me. But to my surprise he welcomed the partnership, particularly once I made it clear that NBC was, save for strategic issues, still his. He anticipated a much better relationship than he had with Bob Wright, who’d been his supervisor under GE. But Bob was now ascended to the Disney board to represent GE’s interests.

So far so good, or so it seemed.

Jamie Tarses c1996 (Image source New York Times)

Instead, the first big issue would be over a hip and hot young producer named Jamie Tarses, the daughter of the legendary Jay Tarses. Warren Littlefield, Garth’s predecessor, had been grooming her for big things, making her a Senior Vice President on the Production side. She was an up-and-comer. She’d taken the struggling Jerry-clone Friends Like Us, brought in writers David Crane and Marta Kauffman, and spun it into a number one hit that would eventually come to characterize the decade. She’d had a hand in nearly every show on the ratings-dominating “Must See TV” lineup. And ABC and PFN were looking to poach her. In fact, Lisa Henson called her dad, specifically to give him the heads-up that Jamie had approached her and was relaying sexual harassment claims against NBC’s West Coast President Don Ohlmeyer.

OK, so Jim asked me to look into it, and I talked to HR. We did some investigating, and, well, who the hell knew what was happening? On one hand, none of her coworkers were lining up to support the harassment claims, with numerous female employees vehemently denying the claims. On the other hand, Don was an old school “vodka and Lucky Strikes” kind of guy, and told more than a few off-color jokes. Did that constitute a “hostile work environment?” God, who knows? It depends on the jury.

But more than that, the man loved the sauce. He’d show up drunk at work. His behavior could be erratic. He could be vindictive, such as his ongoing attempts to get David Letterman and Norm MacDonald fired over the whole OJ thing.

Soon to be required by law (Image source Pop Culture References)

And yet he too was a genius, and largely responsible for turning NBC from #3 when he joined to #1 when all of the crap with Cosby came down. He arranged the “Must See…” thing, pushed the Peacock branding, including superimposing the logo on the corner of the screen. I’d worked closely with him and Steve Spielberg in getting Michael Crichton’s ER greenlit for NBC, which became a huge hit.

We struggled along with their feud for a few months, and I was increasingly pulled between Garth and Don with Jamie as the toy in the tug-of-war.

HR dug deeper: Jamie was accused of not returning calls and being “fragile and emotional.” At first, I was willing to ignore the latter aspect, as that sounded a lot like the usual sexist tropes, but as we dug deeper it turned out that she had numerous episodes of crying in front of coworkers or screaming at them over seemingly nothing. Others called her petty and vindictive. Some of these accusations were from her work rivals, but not all.

In the end, it was clear that at least one thing was absolutely true: Jamie didn’t want to follow NBC to Disney. And as much as her “hip, young, and energetic” vibe fit the NBC brand, the one thing you didn’t do in Hollywood was force someone to stay where they didn’t want to be. In the end I called up Lisa and we made a deal. PFN bought out her contract and she went to work for them in 1996[2]. Lisa would end up having her hands full later.

As for Don, we had to talk to about his drinking and his vindictive attacks on Dave and Norm. We got him into rehab[3] and at least got him to stop drinking on the job, but the drama didn’t end.

In fact, it had only just begun. Culturally, NBC was a far cry from Disney (as Diane had rightly noted). It was a strange hybrid divided between Old Burbank types like Don and hip, young, push-the-limits progressive types like Tarses. The cut-throat intra-management intrigues that were the norm at NBC would never fly at Disney. Jim wouldn’t stand them. And how we’d straighten that mess out without adding more issues was beyond me at the time.

The public perception was an issue there too. NBC had managed to set itself up as the “hip, young” channel in contrast to ABC (blue collar working class) and CBS (“the back woods and the inner city” as they said at the time) and PFN (“anything goes”). WB was still just trying to figure out what it was. We hoped to keep NBC, and its now-intimate partner Hyperion TV, the hip young and daring station. But the deal also meant that classic child-friendly Disney stuff like The Wonderful World of Disney was going to, naturally, move back to NBC, which created a strange conflict in theme and target audience, though possibly not as strange as CBS in that regard. Jim also wanted a return to the more diverse casting of the 1980s, as exemplified by The Cosby Show and its spinoff (though obviously without Cosby!) even though CBS, which had recently claimed Arsenio and spun up a host of black-led shows like Cuts, seemed to have staked a major claim to black entertainment.

So, the question became, how do you marry a Mouse and a Peacock?

Well, you start with some fresh perspectives. After discussing things with Jim, Stan, the recently-returned Frank, and Garth, I reached out to an old Lorimar contact at WB TV, who was running out of patience with his new bosses, to take over as President of NBC Entertainment and be Garth’s new right hand. He was smart, he was hot, and he was chomping at the bit for something new.

So, in early 1996 I brought Les Moonves to NBC.

The fun was just beginning.

[1] One of my dad’s old puns. Note that in our timeline Exxon stayed on as sponsor, revamping Universe of Energy with Ellen DeGeneres, leading to Ellen's Energy Adventure. In this timeline Bill Nye will be the “point man” as it were, and the focus will be on emerging green technologies (in particular GE-made renewable power sources, of course!) rather than fossil fuels, which are shown in a more “historical” light as “important technologies that brought us to where we are today”, but with renewable energy as part of that “great big beautiful tomorrow”. GE has per our timeline dropped their sponsorship of Horizons, which was instead taken over by Commodore in 1993.

[2] In our timeline, Tarses went to ABC following an ugly public and acrimonious fight, brought there by Disney's then-President Michael Ovitz. She allegedly used the threat of the sexual harassment claim to force them to let her out of her contract, which NBC saw as blackmail. She claimed Ovitz put her up to it. He denied it. Either way, she soon found that she was not getting the senior executive billet that she wanted and soon bit the hands that fed her at ABC, creating ongoing drama there including an infamous 1997 article with the New York Times Magazine where she laid out all of her grievances with management. Ohlmeyer stayed at NBC where he infamously forced SNL to fire Norm MacDonald in 1998 because Ohlmeyer, as a friend of OJ Simpson, objected to MacDonald’s constant attacks on Simpson. Ohlmeyer retired in 2000.

[3] He entered rehab in 1996 in our timeline too.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 12, 2022

Part 10: Horror from Another World
Excerpt from Slash! A History of Horror Films, by Ima Fuller Bludengore

Friday_the_13th_Part_VIII_-_Jason_Takes_Manhattan_%281989%29_theatrical_poster.jpg

The Slasher, last left seemingly dead in 1990, was still dragging itself through the pouring rain, leaving a trail of diluted crimson behind it as it crawled along in the 1990s. The Slasher was not quite dead, but had fallen out of favor, becoming a niche genre with the occasional modest hit. 1993’s Candyman, a Clive Barker Smart Slasher that addressed issues of race and racism, managed to make a good profit, for example. Otherwise, a small and dedicated fandom, the “Fangoria crowd”, kept the genre going. 1992’s A Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy’s Fury starring Jackie Earl Haley stuck close to the formula and underperformed. 1992’s Friday the 13th Part 9: Jason Bites the Big Apple, based on a discarded idea for Part 8, likewise struggled. 1994’s Jason Vs. Freddy made a reasonable profit built upon fan wish fulfilment, but failed to achieve its primary aim of resurrecting the struggling franchises, with the Clue-like schtick of having two different endings not really leading to the doubling of ticket sales that was hoped. They finally just killed them both off for the time being in 1996’s Freddy’s Dead: The Nightmare Ends and Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. A 1995 attempted reboot of the Halloween franchise, Halloween: The Rise of Michael Meyers, likewise underperformed and annoyed fans by ignoring earlier continuity and by not even giving a cameo to Jamie Lee Curtis. Various Chucky sequels continued to pull in modest profits, but nothing broke out beyond the Fangoria Crowd.

When Slasher villains did appear in the 1990s, they were increasingly played for irony. The lumbering masked murderer or dream invader would appear in Joss Whedon’s Final Girl TV Series as a one-time monster of the week target of the Final Girls alongside the usual cast of demons and vampires and harpies. Dream sequences in SITCOMs harbored your occasional Jason or Freddy or Michael expy. But the Slasher, smart or dumb, was for all intents and purposes simply out of style at the time.

Instead, the industry increasingly resisted straight-up supernatural horror or faceless killers in favor of the “Psychological Thriller”, where supernatural elements were non-existent and the slasher tropes were typically steered Fatal Attraction-like towards psychotic Exes and obsessive creepers, such as in 1992’s Single White Female. Similarly, there was a sub-trend of “killer children” films such as 1989’s The Good Son, 1991’s Not Without my Daughter, and 1995’s The Bad Seed[1]. Serial killers of the seemingly relatable human kind prevailed over unstoppable masked monsters.

Horror was also taking a “step back” as it were thanks to Universal’s Classic Monster Movie Revival of the 1990s. Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Raimi’s Wolfman, Fincher’s The Mummy, and Emmerich’s Creature from the Black Lagoon. And, of course, there was the “Kaiju Kraze” of the late 1990s and early 2000s. This big budget “Classic Revival” was the primary face of Horror in the 1990s, taking advantage of advances in special effects and changing audience tastes to produce thrilling big budget blockbuster spectacles. But many self-proclaimed “true” Horror fans of the Fangoria Crowd were nonplussed with this trend, which they saw as something watered-down for general audiences and too shackled by mass-marketability to take chances producing anything truly unsettling or gory.

Instead, the future of Horror at the time would come from the south, where an at-the-time unknown Mexican director named Guillermo del Toro would create a brilliant cult masterpiece in Cronos, the story of cursed clockwork artifacts, ancient alchemy, and the pursuit of eternal life that delved into areas of religion and gave a unique spin on the vampire mythos. Del Toro’s style is well known today, but back then his strange mix of supernatural, mechanical, political, and spiritual was groundbreaking, and won awards at Cannes, which was practically unheard of for a horror film. The acting was superb, the direction and editing that of a dedicated auteur, and the mix of horror and drama reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs. “It was like Hellraiser directed by Fellini,” Quentin Tarantino was quoted as saying of it.

Chronos was joined in this bleeding edge of what would soon become known as “Otherworldly Horror” by an underperforming Hyperion horror film based upon a Stephen King story, The Lawnmower Man, which featured a devious Puck disguised as a neighborhood handyman. With Brian Froud inspired makeup and creature effects, it had a unique look to it compared to other horror films of the time. While the film did not perform spectacularly well on the big screen, it gained a cult following later on home media, particularly once its position as part of the bleeding edge in horror became apparent. Also influential to the emerging genre, though not a part of the genre themselves, would be 1994’s Fantasia productions of David Fincher’s fantasy The Dreaming Place and Terry Gilliam’s collaboration with Lucasfilm on Shakespeare’s The Tempest. Even the macabre alien underground of 1995’s Men in Black held touches of the emerging genre. Similarly, Rob Reiner’s On Spectral Evidence had aspects of Otherworldly Horror in the form of the Spectral World that the hidden Witches of Salem were secretly defending their fellow villagers against, even as much of the narrative centered on the gender politics of the witch trials.

Superficially similar to this in many respects…

The big break out film for the burgeoning genre, of course, was del Toro’s now-legendary 1995 film The Faun, produced by Orion[2], who gave him free creative reign and a noteworthy budget. The film follows a pregnant woman named Ophelia (Mira Sorvino) who falls in love with a faun[3], the half-goat chimera of ancient European myth (Ron Pearlman) who emerges nightly from out of her ancient grandfather clock. Lifted by the “sensual and dreamlike” quality of his direction and the “subtle, psychological, and existential terror” of the subject, the allure of the Faun’s magical world is shown to come with a stiff price related to the woman’s unborn child. The bizarre, Celtic-influenced design of the faun himself and his dreamlike otherworld were stylistically gorgeous, alluring, uncanny, and unnerving, “like Brian Froud had a tryst with Giger and the guy that does the Tool videos”, as Joss Whedon put it.

The Faun became a sleeper hit that made a good $89 million against its $20 million budget built upon word of mouth and rave reviews, leading directly to del Toro’s next film, 1997’s In the Mouth of Madness, and all that came after that. He was even briefly attached to The Creature from the Black Lagoon before creative differences with Universal saw it handed to Roland Emmerich.

“One of these things is not like the others…” (Image sources: Goodreads, Barns & Noble, Wikimedia, and Amazon)

Other films followed in The Faun’s footsteps of supernatural horror emanating from a hidden world, such as Cronenberg’s The Tourist (based on the Clair Noto screenplay and Giger’s art design), Eastwood’s The Hawkline Monster (which added a Western element), Columbia’s Cabal (based loosely upon the Clive Barker short story from the Night Breed universe with the addition of the Ba’al Conspiracy from the roleplaying game by C.J. Carella), and Warner’s darkly humorous Wonderland (a dark gothic horror-comedy reframe of the Lewis Carroll classics that darkly satirizes the Disney adaption in particular). In 1999 Spielberg and Columbia resurrected Night Skies, though shorn of any E.T. connection. The 1998 Japanese Otherworldly Horror Ringu would become a breakout international hit, spawning a US adaption in the 2000s, as would 1999’s “brilliantly disturbing on so many levels” (Ebert) Lovesick, based upon a Junji Ito manga. Clive Barker would even bring back Hellraiser, this time focusing on the underlying Otherworldly aspects rather than the Slasher aspects of the original films.

Hyperion even arguably mined the genre for comedy with 1998’s Coyote Blue.

Thus, as the Classic Monster Renaissance of the 1990s faded out in the late 1990s, the Otherworldly Horror genre would slowly take over. Whether it was aliens, ancient horrors, demons, cults, the occult, magic, spiritual elements, ghosts, or hidden Lovecraftian nightmares, the unifying trait was that there was “another world, out there, arcane, ancient, and mysterious” that pulled the unsuspecting “normal” protagonist into something magical and usually sinister. The works of Lovecraft, Phillip K. Dick, Froud, Giger, Ito, Borges, Gaiman, and others would be adapted alongside original stories. Ancient Celtic, Native American, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, and Slavic legends were mined for material.

In addition to the “otherworld” aspect, the stories typically contained some blaringly “smart” element, usually in the form of a moral or lesson where someone’s short term greed or selfishness gets them stuck in a nasty situation. Whether they learn their lesson and escape the ironic fate of their own making would depend on the film or even the cut, with competing “downer” and “happy” endings available on many a VCD special feature.

The stories mixed elements, usually sex, spirituality, greed, lust, and enlightenment, with the horror tropes and unnerving design used to highlight those areas where the beautiful and alluring cross over with the repugnant and profane.

And while fans would argue which films were “in” or “out” of the genre, or even whether the genre was anything really new or just a modern reframing of ancient tropes, all could agree that the Otherworldly was at the center of most Horror at the time, and that it was the Age of Otherworldly Horror[4].

[1] Hat tip to @Plateosaurus & Mr. Harris. Read the review in Movies 1995 (part b).

[2] In our timeline Harvey Weinstein recruited him for 1997’s Mimic, where massive and abusive meddling by Weinstein led del Toro to disown the film. Here Orion got to him since Harvey is in hiding at the time.

[3] An early idea for what led to Pan’s Labyrinth in our timeline.

[4] In our timeline new screenwriter Kevin Williamson, taking influence from an exposé on the Gainesville Ripper, wrote a screenplay called Scary Movie that became 1996’s Scream. That film, of course, went blockbuster and kicked off the so-called Postmodern Slasher era, which in this timeline was preempted by the Smart Slasher era of the late 1980s. In this timeline the Gainesville Ripper, Daniel Harold Rolling, succeeds in murdering his father in the late 1980s and ended up in prison before he could go on his killing spree from our timeline and Williamson is, at the moment, the guy who wrote the flop black comedy Killing Mrs. Tingle.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 14, 2022

Part 13: In High Demand
Excerpt from Dark Funhouse, the Art and Work of Tim Burton, an Illustrated Compendium

The 1990s were surely the first major peak of activity for the Skeleton Crew. With numerous films and shorts and series either in production or being supported, the crew was scrambling from one project to the next, and began a rapid expansion to meet the growing demand. In addition to original productions, they were doing costuming, effects work (including helping with the Creature Effects for Coyote Blue, Warner’s Wonderland and, curiously enough, Super Mario Brothers 2: Down and Out in the Dinosaur Kingdom)[1], and supporting fundraising for a variety of features, both within Disney and outside.

Skeleton Crew Logo (Image by @ExowareMasses, thanks for the hand!)

“Skeleton Crew Productions was running at full speed by the late 1990s, with almost more projects than we could handle.” – Caroline Thompson.

The projects varied heavily. Some, like Nocturns and Reaper Man, were ongoing efforts. Among these was the continuation of the Bunnicula film series with 1995’s Howliday Inn, which screened in October to middling profit. The film is largely seen as a good follow-up to what would become a film trilogy, making enough profit from its small few-million-dollar budget to justify a third film based upon the third novel in James and Deborah Howe’s series, The Celery Stalks at Midnight, which would release in 1997. “We were quite happy with how the trilogy came out,” said producer Henry Selick. “It remains a popular family thriller. We debated continuing the series to the later books, but there’s perpetually been something more critical on the schedule.”

(Image source openlibrary.org & wikimedia)

The three films are far from the Skeleton Crew’s most famous works, but they gained a reputation for being a relatively “safe” Halloween Horror trilogy that gave good G-rated scares to young audiences, and in a way that caused little controversy even as the semi-anthropomorphic characters remained beloved. They played pretty much every October on the Disney Channel alongside Hocus Pocus and Something Wicked This Way Comes.

The success of the Bunnicula Trilogy is largely believed to have been the final deciding factor in R.L. Stine’s decision to partner with Disney and the Skeleton Crew on his seminal Goosebumps series[2]. The crew and Stine debated on whether to launch it as a film anthology series, but ultimately the success of ABC’s Grizzly Tales spurred the Disney board to push for a competing series for NBC. The Goosebumps series launched on NBC in 1996, the third major ongoing Skeleton Crew TV series, where it became a friendly rival with Grizzly Tales.

“Stine and [Jamie] Rix were friendly rivals on the book front,” said show runner Ed Chiodo, “And naturally we became friendly rivals to the ABC production. We aired on different days, so we generally had the exact same fans, and only Jeff K. was actually taking the rivalry seriously, they say. Mostly it just became about who got what award when, and where possible we each slipped subtle friendly jabs at each other, like when we had a Granny Grizzelda expy show up at one point, or when they had Arley Stine appear. All in good fun, really.”

(Image source Amazon)

Children, or at least “tweens”, were the principal target audience for 1997’s Toots and the Upside Down House, a stop-motion animated film directed by Henry Selick and Rick Henricks and based upon the novel by Carol Hughes[3]. Teaming again with artist Brian Froud, the story of suburban fairies and goblins took full advantage of the effects tricks that the Disney I-Works had mastered through the ‘80s and ‘90s, revealing a creepy but engaging story of young “Toots”, who lost her mother and whose depressed father ignores her, getting shrunk, flipped upside down, and pulled into a battle between the fair folk and the goblins. The film largely underperformed, but went on to become a cult classic beloved by a generation of children the world over.

(Image Source HBO Max)

Teens were also on their minds with the 1996-2000 series Hellspawn, based on the Todd McFarlane Epic comic. Following the twisted, gothic adventures of Al Simmons, a dead Black Ops agent resurrected by Mephisto (technically his minion Malebolgia) as a “Hellspawn” diabolic minion, the series was dark and violent with a hard T-rating and aired on HBO before moving to the Toon Town Pleasure Island block in 1998. Hellspawn was controversial at the time, and remains controversial today, though gets remembered by many for having many of its episodes directed by the Wachowski Sisters and is notable for many as the show where at the time new Skeleton Crew animator Jennifer Yuh got her start as a director, having previously worked Storyboards and character design on the animated Beetlejuice and Elvira series.

But it wasn’t all Child’s Play at the Crew. Tim and the Crew had worked with writers Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski on Ed Wood and The Dreaming Place, but Alexander and Karaszewski had their sights on a biopic of absurdist comedian Andy Kaufman. “We’d loved Andy’s work,” said Larry. “People throw around words like ‘genius’ all the time, but in Andy’s case, I believe it fits. Lord knows he was ahead of the curve on Pro Wrestling!”

The crew agreed to produce what would, of course, become 1997’s Man on the Moon starring Jim Carrey, who took a pay cut just for the chance to play a longstanding hero of his. Carrey, of course, drove everyone nuts with his full-emersion “method acting”, refusing to break character while playing a man notorious for driving his coworkers and friends insane with his absurd behavior.

“If there was an award for being an absolute troll, that award would be called the ‘Andy’, and the first recipient would have been Jim,” said Burton.

After a long search for an appropriate director, Oscar winning writer-producer-director Oliver Stone was approached, having just finished production on his biopic Nixon. Stone brought his usual surreal eye to the film, adding psychedelic imagery and experimental editing techniques which many felt blended quite well with the absurdist tone and loose grip on reality already present in the Alexander and Karaszewski screenplay. While Alexander and Karaszewski were irritated at some of Stone’s changes, the end result, with its experimental color saturation and desaturation and ambiguous grip on reality meshed with the source material, resulting in a film that critics loved, gaining awards attention. Audiences were divided, with many unable to follow the nonlinear direction and psychedelic imagery, but even so, the film grossed $96 million against its $44 million budget, turning a notable profit and earning the Skeleton Crew a Best Picture nomination.

Similarly, the Skeleton Crew welcomed a new member, stop motion effects artist and Krangoa director Jim Danforth to the Crew. The Crew had loved his 1995 mockbuster, and watched it regularly, making a play-along game[4] out of it (such as saying “Polly wanna cracker!” when the killer parrot crushes one character’s skull with a sickening crack). Heinrichs actively recruited him and paired him up with the Chiodo Brothers to make a higher-budget sequel, Krangoa II: Invasion Florida, which saw the child of giant mandrills Obabo and Obari captured by poachers (led by one of the now-discredited scientists from the first) and taken to Florida, and so they and the other monsters travel across the Atlantic to save him. The Crew even shelled out some money for a brief James Earl Jones cameo, who from his line “Again?” is suggested to be a descendant of the Kong Speaker the 1995 King Kong prequel[5] and also features cameos by Jimmy Buffett, who gets carried off by the giant parrot Ohuntiara, and by John Cleese and Eric Idle, who get killed by it while arguing over whether or not in fact it was a species from an “extinct” or “extant” genus. Costing next to nothing (one sixth of the $8 million budget reportedly went to pay for cameos), the deliberate 1997 B-film released in partnership with New Moon and New World, became a highly-profitable cult classic, leading, naturally, to 1999’s Krangoa III: A Barrel of Monkeys, which received mixed fan reviews with many arguing that it took things too far into the comedic side[6].

The Crew partnered with Columbia Pictures and Clint Eastwood for 1996’s The Hawkline Monster, a so-called “Gothic Western” produced by Henry Selick and directed by Eastwood based upon the book by Richard Brautigan. The suspenseful film blended gothic horror and western tropes and rode in part on the emerging wave of Otherworldly Horror that was increasingly en vogue in the late 1990s. Following the antiheroic gunmen Cameron and Greer (Jack Nicholson and Clint Eastwood), the film merged Eastwood’s naturalistic style with the classic tropes and camera angles of westerns and supernatural thrillers, producing a film that was one-part deconstructive western and one-part otherworldly horror.

The Hawkline Monster, thanks to the direction and acting, overcame its rather non-mainstream story and managed to make a solid $163 million at the international box office against its $78 million budget, being particularly popular in Japan, South Korea, and Europe. Though largely forgotten today, the film made a noteworthy splash at the time, as it was the first and only time that Nicholson and Eastwood acted together, with the two friends finding the stresses of working together, which manifested in occasional arguments and a couple of walkouts by Nicholson, to be a strain on their relationship. And yet even the fights were deemed by Selick to be “a sight to see,” and hardly a hostile working environment.

“It was Fire and Ice,” said Selick. “Jack would get louder and louder and Clint softer and softer, and yet neither gave ground. The cast and crew found their fights more entertaining than the film itself.”

“I’d never been on such a contentious shoot,” said one crewman, “and yet it was also surprisingly non-stressful. Jack and Clint were a fascinating sort of entertainment all on their own, and both so professional as to not drag the rest of us into it.”

Burton on the job c1995 (Image source Grantland)

And on top of all that, the Crew, as mentioned, led the Creature Effects on 1998’s Coyote Blue, adapted from the 1994 Christopher Moore novel. It followed a young Crow Indian man (Samuel Hunter/Samson Hunts Alone, played by Steve Reevis) who fled the Crow Reservation for Santa Barbara, and who gets shaken from his yuppie lifestyle and forced to reckon with his hidden past by his chaos-bringing “spirit guide” Old Man Coyote (Floyd Red Crow Westerman)[7]. Disney animation would add the Native American stylized animated sequences describing Old Man Coyote’s stories and Disney reportedly “traded” rights to use footage from Disney’s animated Alice in Wonderland to Warner Brothers for Wonderland in exchange for rights to Coyote and Roadrunner footage so that they could have the scene where Old Man Coyote is watching Roadrunner cartoons, and rooting for Wile E. Coyote (“I love this guy! Get him! Get him! Auugh, come on!!”).

(Image source Chrismoore.com)

Coyote Blue, despite its occasional borderline cartoon level of slapstick, received a hard R rating due to the (in typical Christopher Moore fashion) prodigious levels of sex and nudity involved (“like a supernatural Porkies,” as Steve Chiodo put it). And despite being mostly a picaresque comedy with gratuitous sex and slapstick elements, Coyote Blue also delved into weighty topics affecting Native Americans, such as poverty, alcoholism, obesity, diabetes, discrimination, and loss of culture and surprised many by taking home some minor awards and generating a small buzz at Sundance

And as Tim’s Minions increasingly grew able to manage themselves, Tim Burton increasingly felt the itch for filmmaking, and needed to scratch it. So, with Skeleton Crew Productions fully running, Tim decided to dip his toes back into the directorial game. And occasional Skeleton Crew collaborator Kevin Yagher, the “Jim Henson of the Macabre”, had just the film in mind for him.

[1] Super Mario 2 will feature a return by all of the original film’s cast and center around Yoshi and the Dinosaur Kingdom. It will not perform as well as the original, so a planned third film will be cancelled.

[2] Goosebumps almost came to Burton in the 1990s in our timeline, to be a film distributed through 20th Century Fox and DreamWorks. To quote: “We had a movie deal to do a Goosebumps movie, and I can't tell you what year it was. It was like at the height of Goosebumps, back in '94, '95, around there, and we actually had a deal with Fox to do a movie, and Tim Burton who was going to be the producer. We had a big meeting, and I thought, 'Oh, that'll be great. Tim Burton and Goosebumps. It'll be great.' And we had a nice meeting with him, and we had a great time and we talked about what we should do, and then nothing happened. Sort of a typical story out there, right?” Hat tip @TheKennedyMachine.

[3] @kirbopher15 called it!

[4] Eventually this ritual spilled out into the real world, joining The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas in indie theater midnight showings.

[5] Panama Hat tip to @Unknown.

[6] Hat tip to @Plateosaurus.

[7] Supporting roles included Russell Means as Sam’s alcoholic uncle Pokey, John Candy (ironically in a fat suit after losing a hundred pounds in an emergency diet) as the Vacuum Salesman in Samson’s Spirit Dream (actually Coyote), Jason Alexander as Sam’s corrupt boss Aaron Aaron, Lily Tomlin as Sam’s obnoxious secretary Gabriella, Luke Wilson as Yiffer, and (memorably) Heather Graham as the free-spirited love interest Calliope.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 16, 2022

Talking Hiawatha with its Creators
Interview with Mike Gabriel, Eric Goldberg, Joe Grant, and Floyd Westerman from AniMagic with Debbie Deschanel on the Disney Channel, November 14th, 2015

Int – Studio (Chromakey)
DEBBIE the host sits in a director’s chair across from four director’s chairs with MIKE GABRIEL, JOE GRANT, ERIC GOLDBERG, and FLOYD WESTERMAN. The chromakey background changes to show the title page and characters for the show and occasionally plays stills and clips from the series to coincide with the discussion. The AniMagic theme plays.

Not this! But has reflections of it

TITLE CARD: “AniMagic, with Debbie Deschanel”

Debbie
Hello again, Disney Fans, and welcome to AniMagic, where we explore the behind-the-scenes magic that brings animation to life. And with me today are the creative minds behind Disney’s 1995 animated film Hiawatha, now celebrating its 20th anniversary: directors Mike Gabriel and Eric Goldberg, co-writer Joe Grant, and lyricist and Crow voice actor Floyd Red Crow Westerman[1].

Mike
Thank you, Debbie.

Joe
Yes, thank you for having us.

Floyd
Hau. Toníktuha he?

Eric
(smiles and waves)

Debbie
So, the Native American epic Hiawatha had been hovering around Disney Animation since the late 1940s. How on Earth did such a long-forgotten project ever see the light of day?

Joe
You can blame Roy!

All laugh.

Hiawatha Concept Art, 1948 (Image source “disney.fandom.com”)

Joe
In all seriousness, it all started back in 1990. Mike and I were working variously on Aladdin and Duck, Duck, Goof and we came up with the idea for a production based on the legend surrounding John Smith and Pocahontas. We took it to Soft Pitch and Roy Disney was one of our execs. He rejected Pocahontas, but he did steer us towards Walt’s abandoned Hiawatha, which he mentioned was a Native American story and even had, in his words, an “Indian Princess” in Minnehaha.

Mike
Hiawatha was based in a large part on the Henry Wordsworth Longfellow 1855 epic poem, which was having a big resurgence in popularity back in the 1930s and ‘40s. Walt and company had done an animated Short in 1937 called Little Hiawatha, but that was only tangentially related to the poem or the legend.

Joe
I read through the old notes and storyboards for Walt’s Hiawatha, and there were some great characters and good story beats, but it was, well, a bit, shall we say dated?

Hiawatha Character Concept art, 1948 (Image source “cartoonresearch.com”)

There’s an uncomfortable laugh as some Concept Art appears on the screen.

Joe
(uncomfortable laugh) Ok, yes, a bit dated in its portrayals of Native Americans too, yea. But I meant that the story was being told in a very 1940s kind of way, so we needed to update it for modern audiences. But yea, some of the concept art was, well, let’s say Cleveland Baseball Mascot, so that needed to change. Also, Jim Henson wondered if we could find a Native American to write the songs and help with the story.

Debbie
And that’s where you came in, Floyd?

Floyd
Yes, me and Paula.

Debbie
Paula Gunn Allen, the famous Native American author, who co-wrote the screenplay with Joe.

Floyd
Yes. At first, they asked me to write, but I haven’t written screenplays, only songs. Jim found me because our mutual friend Harry Belafonte sent him to me[2]. So, I worked with Alan Menken. We tried to give things a very Indian sound, but we also used a lot of Folk and Western musical themes and chord structures. But they soon found Paula to work with Joe.

Debbie
You also voiced Crow and the storyteller in the framing device.

Floyd
Yes. Originally it was Raven, but they changed it to Crow because of my Indian name, Kanghi Duta, or Red Crow in Lakota. They even made him look red on occasion as an extra joke. I had to work to get the raspy crow voice right without hurting my vocal cords or sounding like an Indian Yoda. Disney’s many voice actors helped me learn.

Joe
Raven/Crow was a relatively late add. Hiawatha needed someone to talk to in the early 2nd act, and Disney was big on Trickster Mentors at the time, like Anansi in Lion King or Donkey in Shrek, or Genie, of course. So, Crow was a natural.

Debbie
Let’s take a look.

[Clip Starts]

Ext – Forest – Day (animation)
HIAWATHA walks through the verdant woods, CROW flitting from tree to tree, bugging him.

Crow
Oh, yes, Great Warrior! So strong! So mighty! Tadodaho won’t know what’s coming! And neither will you if you keep stomping blindly through the Mohawks’ woods.

Hiawatha
I have right and honor on my side!

Crow
(laughs) Yes, and he has powerful sorcery, the service of the many serpents of the Kenabeek, and the demon heart of Djodi'kwado', the Horned Serpent!

Hiawatha
(beat) I have my father’s club.

Crow
(laughs harder, nearly falling from the branch) Tododaho has Kahòntsi Karahkwa, the Black Sun, a great tomahawk of the hardest black stone, and by whose great power it is said the Nations of the People can be conquered!

HIAWATHA stops and stares into the distance.

Hiawatha
(fist in hand) Then by defeating Tododaho and claiming Kahòntsi Karahkwa I shall be able to fulfill my destiny and unite the Five Nations!!

Crow
(sighs) Yes, and good luck with that, Great Warrior.

CROW’S caws echo as he flies off into the misty woods.

[Clip Ends]

Audience applauds.

Debbie
Floyd as Crow and Gordon Tootoosis as Hiawatha, of course. I love the dialog. Joe, tell us about the writing process.

Joe
Yes, it was very interesting, as you can imagine. Paula told me right up front that Longfellow was – and this is a quote – “pretty full of…” …expletive deleted, when he wrote the epic poem. He mixed up a series of Native American legends from many cultures. Hiawatha, for example, was a famous Iroquois leader who is credited with uniting the Five Nations into the Haudenosaunee Confederation. But Longfellow liberally blended him with various Sauk, Cree, and Algonquian stories of Nanabohzo and the like. And Minnehaha wasn’t a part of his legend, but appears to have been made up, or adapted from elsewhere.

Floyd
Minnehaha means “waterfall” or “rapids” in Lakota, but Longfellow’s translation of “laughing water” is very poetic, I must say. (laughs)

Joe
Well, Paula, Mike, and I decided to use the actual Iroquois story of Hiawatha, and they do have a historical lover from another tribe in Jigonhsaseh, the Mother of Many Nations. But we decided to use elements from both the Longfellow poem and the legend. For example, we kept the name Minnehaha because that’s the name most audiences would hypothetically know, not that many people outside of English Majors were reading Longfellow in the 1990s, mind you. The actual oral history was very compelling with a villainous Tadodaho working evil magic. We took Tadodaho and merged him into the Longfellow character of Pearl-Feather, the sorcerer and plague-bringer. Wes Studi ultimately voiced the role. We even adorned him with a large black pearl and a vulture’s feather as a visual call back to the Longfellow character. Pearl-Feather’s vicious fire serpents from the poem, the Kenabeek, were a natural “villain pet”. We brought in British comedy duo Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, who’d make a small splash voicing a pair of bickering baboons on The Lion King, to do the many voices of Kenabeek, who became either many different snakes or one giant multiheaded hydra, depending on the need.

Mike
Yea, they just went crazy with all kinds of wild voices and crazy characters for each of the many snakes or snake heads, doing their best to outdo Robin Williams, I think[3]. At first Roy thought that US audiences would never connect to such screamingly British comedians, but the sheer wackiness of them made them a huge hit, particularly with kids, who found the accents hilarious all by themselves.

Joe
Most of us “Yanks” had no idea what a “Geordie” was before this film. Ask us and we’d think you meant the Star Trek character. But the Gordie Kenabeek was a standout favorite with young kids likely because of the strange accent and language…well, strange to us Yanks.

Debbie
Yes, let’s definitely get a sample of the craziness.

[Clip Starts]

Ext – Tadodaho’s Swamp – Night (animation)
TADODAHO talks with the many black serpents that are the KENABEEK, an evil glint in his eyes.

Tadodaho
Now go forth, children of Djodi'kwado'[4], be my eyes and my ears!

Kenabeek 1
(sounding like an evil minion) Oh yes, most certainly, boss, we shall…

Kenabeek 2
(sounding like a British housewife) Most certain, yea, but can we, like, stop on the way for lunch, yea? I’m quite famished, you know.

Kenabeek 3
(sounding like a pompous intellectual) What, is it lunch already?

Kenabeek 4
(sounding like a British Sergeant) What what? We haven’t the time. Quite a busy schedule. Hup hup!

Kenabeek 5
(with thick Geordie accent) Yea, howay, ye’ bairns!

Kenabeek 1
Silence, all of you!

Kenabeek 2
But it shant take more’n a moment…

Kenabeek 6
(sounding like a little child) Can we get ice cweam too?

Kenabeek 4
Most certainly not! Hup! Hup!

An angry TADODAHO, eyes glowing purple, zaps them with purple lightning from the tomahawk, silencing them.

Tadodaho
(eyes glowing) Would you quivering worms get on with it!?!

The KENABEEK start to slither away into the black waters.

Kenabeek 1
Yes, yes, on it, oh greatest one!

Kenabeek 2
Alright, alright, on it, already…

Kenabeek 5
I tol’ ye’ divvies not te’ anger th’ man wi’ th’ stick!

Kenabeek 6
Can we still get ice cweam?

Kenabeek 1
No.

[Clip Ends]

Audience laughs and applauds.

Debbie
And Eric, you were brought in to co-direct.

Eric
So, yea, they asked me to direct this with Mike. It was both of our first time directing a feature.

Mike
So, we decided to screw it up together!

Laughter.

Debbie
Tell us about the story process.

Eric
So, storyboarding with Joe and Paula, we had Hiawatha be the hero, and he goes on a great quest, which we centered heavily around Campbell’s Monomyth, which the Iroquois legend kind of aligns to already, of course. He’s born under great portent, with the Wise Woman Nokomis, voiced by Linda Hunt, prophesizing that Hiawatha would “unite the Five Nations”.

Debbie
And the songs, of course! Hiawatha’s parents and fellow villagers singing “Hills of our Fathers, Waters of our Mothers”. Young Hiawatha singing “A Warrior Born”. Floyd, how did you come up with the songs?

Floyd
I had never written a musical before, so Alan helped explain the rules. The first song. “Hills of our Fathers…”, sets the scene. “A Warrior Born” is what Alan calls an “I Want” song, where our protagonist tells us what he wants, naturally! (laughs)

Hiawatha (Image source “disney.fandom.com”)

Eric
And being destined to unite the Five Nations, Hiawatha wants to be a Great Warrior. But when he turns 18, Tadodaho, who’s been spying on him through the serpents of the Kenabeek, uses his sorcery and causes a plague that kills both of Hiawatha’s parents, and with vengeance in his eyes, Hiawatha takes up his father’s bow and war club and sets out to slay Tadodaho and unite the Five nations per his destiny, he assumes through military might.

Debbie
With a darker reprise of “A Warrior Born”.

Eric
Yes.

Debbie
It’s then that Crow enters the picture.

Eric
Yea, Crow shows up and makes his life difficult, but as you showed, tells him about Tadodaho’s Magic Tomahawk, which he figures will be just what he needs to make him an unstoppable warrior who will unite the Five Nations through strength. He and Crow have a few wacky adventures, with Crow’s real purpose being to poke at Hiawatha’s underlying anger and ego in preparation for the big lesson he must learn in the future. Crow sings “That’s the Spirit” to him, sort of like a mocking counterpart to “Never Had a Friend Like Me” in Aladdin. And finally, he arrives at the main village of the Mohawks, who are the arch rivals of his Onondaga.

Mike
The animators deserve a lot of credit for the look of the forests. We all spent a lot of time in upstate New York and along the Hudson River Valley, just sketching and sketching and photographing all of the trees and mountains and rivers and lakes. But we also had to look at old pictures in order to reimagine the original, virgin woodlands that existed before Columbus, with trees six feet across.

Eric
Yea, I’d always been a character animator, so doing trees and wigwams and other more naturalistic things was a new challenge, but it was one I took seriously, taking Terrell Little’s advice on obsessive research and attention to detail. I even had a docent teach me how to build an Iroquois Long House so I could feel how the twigs bent. And anyway, speaking of villages, when Hiawatha gets to the Mohawk village, he is at first challenged by the Mohawk warriors, led by the mighty Kwasind, but he bloodlessly defeats them all using his strength, speed, and intelligence.

Floyd
To the song “Counting Coup”, since I know you will ask, Debbie.

Eric
But the chief of the Mohawk, Kwasind’s father Deganawida, is not very pleased to see the cocky Onondaga warrior in his village. And he is ready to cast him out until he learns that Hiawatha plans to defeat Tadodaho, whose evil plagues the Mohawk as well.

Deganawida and Kwasind (Image sources “disney.fandom.com” and “things-patrick-likes.fandom.com”)

Debbie
Deganawida, voiced by the great Russell Means and Kwasind, voiced by James Apaumut Fall. But of course, here’s where Hiawatha’s life gets turned upside down in what’s my favorite part. Let’s watch.

[Clip Starts]

Ext – Mohawk Village – Day (animation)
HIAWATHA walks through the village, cocky, like he owns it, KWASIND, angry, beside him. Suddenly MINNEHAHA walks out of a Longhouse. Their eyes lock. Emotional music plays.

Hiawatha
Who…is she?

Kwasind
(rage in his eyes) She is my sister, Minnehaha of the laughing waters. (points) And you can find someplace else for your wicked Onondata eyes to rest!

KWASIND storms over to MINNEHAHA and leads her away. CROW lands on HIAWATHA’S shoulder, resting a wing on his neck.

Crow
Hey, so you fell in love with the rival Chief’s daughter. I’m sure that won’t complicate matters too much at all!

[Clip Ends]

Audience laughs and cheers.

Debbie
Minnehaha, voiced by the divine Irene Bedard with Julie Kuhn providing the singing voice.

Eric
Of course, which we soon hear in the showstopping duet “Listen to the Four Winds” where Hiawatha woos Minnehaha, and she explains the value of compassion and empathy, and we learn about her, and what she wants, and get hints at how she will be critical in him achieving his destiny. And story-wise, this is Hiawatha’s big Meeting with the Goddess moment, to get all Joseph Campbell about it.

Mike
Yes, Minnehaha is more than just the obligatory Disney Princess. She’s a critical part of the final resolution. And since Hiawatha is haunted by the death of his parents, and thus driven to violent revenge, he’ll never find catharsis or growth until he learns the lessons of compassion and love that she teaches.

Eric
Symbolically, him learning this lesson is measured by the progress on the wampum belt that she is making the whole time.

Floyd
Yes, the wampum belt can be an important thing for Indian peoples. It’s very valuable, of course, which is why white people talk about wampum as being money, but they can have important symbolism and meaning to the people. And in this case, she is making what is to the people of the Haudenosaunee or Iroquois their most important wampum: the Hiawatha belt, which is the symbol of the peace between their nations.

Mike
Yea, we had to stop Bo Boyd’s team from making toy versions that every white kid in America could buy and wear! That would have been a public relations nightmare!

Eric
Yea, merchandizing in this case was a bit of a minefield to say the least[5].

Debbie
Well, in that respect you at least had Minnehaha’s two obligatory cute talking animal pals, the gentle but troublemaking racoon Chibiabos, voiced by Cathy Cavadini, and her boastful hummingbird friend Iagoo, voiced by Frank Welker).

Minnehaha with Iagoo and Chibiabos (Image source “mitchellj22.wordpress.com”)

Eric
Yea, those were pretty safe to sell. We took the names from Longfellow, where they were humans. But anyway, after Hiawatha and Minnehaha fall in love, Tadodaho – singing “Rise from the Waters”, before you ask, Debbie – sends the Kenabeek, which slither together and merge into the form of a multi-headed, fire-breathing hydra, to attack the village.

Debbie
Let’s see another clip.

[Clip Starts]

Ext – Mohawk Village – Day (animation)
The KENABEEK slighter together and twist and merge into a giant, fire-breathing hydra-like monster, which attacks the village. As the villagers run, KWASIND leads the warriors to attack it with arrows, which have no effect. HIAWATHA then walks up to it, club in hand.

Hiawatha
Kenabeek! You slimy snake! I am Hiawatha of the Onondaga! And it is me whom your master has sent you to face!

KENABEEK turns all of its many heads to HIAWATHA, who strikes a martial pose.

Hiawatha
Face me, foul monster!

KENABEEK roars and slithers towards HIAWATHA, who in a surprising twist, turns around and runs off into the woods! KWASIND runs after him and catches up with the fleeing HIAWATHA, KENABEEK on their heels.

Kwasind
You’re running away?!?

Hiawatha
No, I’m leading it away from the village before someone gets hurt!

KWASIND’S jaw drops open as he stares at HIAWATHA, nearly running into a tree.

[Clip Ends]

Audience applauds.

Eric
They defeat the Kenabeek through guile, trapping it in a tree fork and thus forcing it back into a bunch of smaller serpents, who slip away into the waters, sniping at each other the whole time.

Floyd
And Crow is watching the whole fight, and is no apparent help at all! Hiawatha asks me – him – why I didn’t help. I say, “You had everything in hand. When you really need my help, I might just give it to you!” (laughs)

Debbie
So Minnehaha and her animal pals join them, and the three humans and the three animals travel on their way to face Tadodaho, with Crow and Chibiabos constantly taunting one another, but Hiawatha and Kwasind coming to peace after working together to defeat the Kenabeek.

Eric
Yea, they become Blood Brothers and Hiawatha thus “Atones with the Father” as Campbell would put it. But they finally reach the vile, swampy domain of the evil Tadodaho. They enter into his scary-ass swamp and are attacked again by the united Kenabeek, and as before their arrows bounce off of its scaly skin. Crow finally intervenes to tell Hiawatha how to find its weak spot, so he puts an arrow fletched with one of Crow’s own black feathers in a nod to Tolkien through its weak soft spot and slays the Kenabeek, which explodes into black smoke.

Floyd
You’re welcome.

Laughter.

More 1948 Concept Art (Image source “cartoonresearch.com”)

Debbie
But then they have to face Tadodaho himself, of course, and his dark magic!

Eric
Yea, and he very quickly recognizes Crow and uses his magic to turn Crow into just a regular Crow, but to add some levity to lighten the scary stuff coming up, Crow’s mind ends up inside Chibiabos the racoon and Hilarity Ensues.

Floyd
I was of two minds about that part.

Groans and Laughter.

Debbie
But Kwasind attacks Tadodaho, and is struck down by his magic tomahawk!

Eric
(wryly) Hey, am I telling this, or are you?

Laughter. DEBBIE smiles and gestures to ERIC.

Eric
Yea, the heartbreaking death scene. Kwasind asks Hiawatha to take care of Minnehaha with his last words, and puts their two hands together. Hiawatha’s blood is up now. He dodges the evil magic and gets in a big wrestling match with Tadodaho and is about to be struck down by the tomahawk, but Crow-slash-Chibiabos latches onto Tado’s nose with their teeth, causing Tadodaho to drop the tomahawk, which a recovering Hiawatha then picks up. The battle turned, he’s wiping the floor with Tadodaho and is about to deliver a final killing blow, when Minnehaha stops him. She sings the reprise of “Listen to the Four Winds”, and he puts down the tomahawk.

Debbie
(tearing up, squeaks) I love that part!

Floyd
(singing) “Listen to the East Wind, Listen to your Heart. See all things as what they Truly Are…” (pauses for wild applause) Ok, so I’m no Julie Kuhn, but I get by.

Joe
This part was straight out of the Iroquois Legend. Minnehaha – well, Jigonhsasee – stays Hiawatha’s hand and heals the dying Tadodaho, concurrently freeing the anger and darkness from his heart. We’re watching this part, right?

Debbie
(laughs) naturally!

[Clip Starts]

Ext – Tadodaho’s Swamp (animation)
Under MINEHAHA’S healing touch, the darkness leaves TADODAHO as a purple smoke from out of his mouth, which slips into the waters. Light seems to reenter Tadodaho’s eyes.

Tadodaho
I see with clear eyes. (beat) For the first time in years, I see with clear eyes.

Hiawatha
He killed my parents! He killed your brother!

Minnehaha
Death cannot be ended with more death. Only through life does death go away.

[Clip Ends]

Applause.

Eric
Jim Henson really liked that part. Some fans accused us of ripping off Legacy of the Jedi. (laughs) But no, the Haudenosaunee beat George Lucas by about a millennium there. She saves Tadodaho’s life and by extension his soul, as witnessed by the purple smoke leaving him and sinking into the dark waters—man, the animation team nailed that one, I gotta’ say!

Joe
And that’s where things end in that respect for the Hiawatha legend, but this is Disney, and we wanted to end big!

The Evil within Tadodaho revealed as the Horned Serpent Djodi'kwado' (Image by Jesse Cornplanter via wikipedia)

Eric
Yea, like Kaiju big! That purple evil that slips away? It reforms in the water as Djodi'kwado', the Horned Serpent, who emerges from the black waters and which our heroes have to fight, with Tadodaho’s help. Tadodaho uses what’s left of his vanishing magic and splits Crow out from the racoon, and Crow, well, Floyd?

Floyd
Yea, I reveal myself to also be one of the Thunderers; the Thunderbirds, you might say. Thor as a falcon, basically.

Joe
(clenching fists and smiling like a little kid) Yes! Kaiju fight!

Floyd
In the end I snatch him up in my claws and carry him off like an eagle with a trout. In many Indian stories we speak of the eternal battle between the Thunderers and the Underwater Panther or Horned Serpent, depending on your Nation. Usually Crow or Raven is not a Thunderer, but who cares? (clenches fists) Kaiju fight! (laughs)

Debbie
Now, Kaiju fights are fun, but for me I liked the big and meaningful ending. Eric, remind us what happens next?

Eric
Why, after giving Kwasind a tearful funeral, Hiawatha and Minnehaha return with the redeemed Tadodaho to the Mohawk village. Along the way Hiawatha looks at the tomahawk that will, according to Nokomis’s prophesy, let him unite the Five Nations. But he takes a large rock and starts to strike at its head, shocking his companions. By the time he reaches the village, the tomahawk is now reshaped into a calumet peace pipe. Tadodaho attaches an eagle’s feather and his large black pearl to it, representing the light and dark in the human soul. They present it to Deganawida, and…come on, Debbie, I know you have a clip for us!

Debbie
(laughs) Of course!

[Clip Starts]

Ext – Mohawk Village (animation)
DEGANAWIDA takes the calumet.

Deganawida
Hiawatha of the Onondaga. Tadodaho of the Bithwanikumbakumba. Through the compassion of Minnehaha you have found peace. Minnehaha, my daughter, come to me. From this moment you shall be named Jigonhsaseh, meaning “New Face”. For it is in by your countenance that a New Mind is manifest. Out of the New Mind the Nations will be born anew. Let all know that by Hiawatha’s bravery and Jigonhsaseh’s compassion the Five Nations of the Haudenosaunee shall live forever in peace as one! Let their marriage be the marriage of many peoples! Let their children be the children of many peoples! Let their love be the love of all the people of the Five Nations forever more!

As Nokomis leads a ceremony MINNEHAHA, now called Jigonhsaseh, puts the wampum belt on HIAWATHA. All cheer as the music, a reprieve of “Hills of our Fathers, Waters of our Mothers”, is sung by all.

ZOOM OUT as the music crescendos.

Storyteller (V.O.)
Let all of the many peoples of the earth live together as one people. Let all people of all nations live in love and peace, forever more.

IRIS OUT. CREDITS ROLL.

[Clip Ends]

Audience cheers.

Debbie
Now, Hiawatha was released in the winter of 1995 and it was celebrated by critics. Siskel and Ebert called it “more evidence that Disney’s creative fires are still burning hot”. It received more mixed views from Native peoples, who celebrated the representation, but had some things to say about the liberties taken with the Iroquois legend.

Floyd
Hey, I give it three and a half stars, but I’m Lakota, so it’s not my people’s story!

Debbie
And fans of Longfellow also didn’t like how it deviated from the poem.

Eric
(shrugs) Can’t please everyone.

Debbie
But most were very happy with the results. You got the Best Animated Feature Oscar and other awards. The film broke $400 million at the box office and remains a Disney Animated Classic to this day. The soundtrack went platinum, won Best Original Musical or Comedy Score, and won a Grammy while “Listen to the Four Winds” won the Best Original Song Oscar.

ALL turn and clap to FLOYD, who holds up his hands.

Floyd
Hey, I couldn’t have done it without Alan.

Debbie
You also managed to create a big boom in Native American traditional music, which was all the rage for a couple of years, selling albums from Native artists and getting sampled by about every pop star at one point.

Floyd
My bank account thanks the white man for his sudden, generous, and transient interest in native drum and flute songs.

Joe
Native American music: it’s not just for Suburban New Age Hippie Housewives anymore!

Awkward laughter. A few groans. Theme music starts to play.

Debbie
Okay……… Well, on that awkward note, it looks like our time is running out. So, once again I’d like to thank Mike Gabriel, Eric Goldberg, Joe Grant, and Floyd Red Crow Westerman. This is AniMagic, and I’m Debbie Deschanel. Stay tuned and we will talk with Tim Burton and Henry Selick about Disney’s Mort.

Theme song plays, lights dim. TITLE CARD displays.

[1] If you’re curious about his music:

[2] He collaborated with Belafonte in our timeline and this one.

[3] Hat tip to @El Pip for the assist on getting Vic and Bob right-ish.

[4] I’m guessing that this is pronounced like “Jodie Quado”, but your guess is honestly as good as mine. Any Iroquois speakers out there?

[5] It could have been worse.

Geekhis Khan · Jul 17, 2022

Chapter 18: Chairman of the Board (Cont’d)
Excerpt from Jim Henson: Storyteller, an authorized biography by Jay O’Brian

In the fall of 1995 Jim was on hand at the new Disney Plaza at Port Disney. He was cutting the ribbon on the very first ImaginationLand, a three-story structure that housed a series of video games and virtual reality games and interactive simulators[1]. After the obligatory Sklar-written speech and the guided media tour of the facility, Jim and some of the executives demonstrated the Odyssey VR ride, Jim attempting to steer the ship’s wheel while the others engaged with virtual bows and arrows, the virtual multiheaded hydra of Scylla occasionally reaching down to carry off virtual rower, slowing the boat incrementally, while the virtual current threatened to pull the ship into the gaping, devouring virtual maw of Charybdis. Losing all of your crew to Scylla or getting swallowed by Charybdis would result in Game Over. Thankfully, Jim and the crew made it through after a couple of close calls, avoiding an embarrassing defeat in front of the press corps.

Basically this (Image source Theme Park Tourist)

While posing for the press after the narrow navigation, a middle-aged woman approached, quoting Bible verses, and splashed Jim with a clear liquid. Sonny grabbed and restrained her as the rest of the security moved in, with some fearing that it was a chemical agent.

“It’s just water,” Jim said, a fact that would eventually be verified by the LAPD. “And here I thought that I couldn’t get wet on a virtual boat ride!” he added, with a resulting cathartic laugh from the assembled press.

The water was Holy Water and the woman was attempting an exorcism. Jim refused to press charges and instead had a long discussion with the woman, reassuring her that he wasn’t a witch or a demon. He wasn’t sure if he convinced her entirely, but he took some time to discuss the Bible with her, citing his favorite Psalms and his childhood as a Christian Scientist, and even prayed with her before she left.

“Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor,” he told Sonny as they returned to the SUV, quoting Jeremiah.

“Sonny” on the job (Image by @nick_crenshaw82)

After the fact, Jim worked to calm the security detail, who feared that they’d failed to properly protect him. “What if she’d thrown acid?” one asked.

“Then I’d need a new suit for one,” Jim replied, downplaying things.

But in truth, he was quite shaken. The sincerity of the woman’s initial belief that he was somehow diabolic stuck with him. He’d mostly ignored the ramblings of people like Falwell and Robertson, whom he saw as simple grifters and walking self-parodies, but the woman had truly believed the worst. It seemed like something out of Olde Salem, not LA in the 1990s. Even assuming that only a fraction of one percent of Americans bought in to the accusations, that was still tens of thousands of people that assumed the literal worst from him.

And the incident was just the tip of the iceberg. The whole world increasingly ceased to make sense. Just five years ago all seemed to be going right. The Cold War and the nuclear Armageddon that it threatened had ended. The world for the most part appeared to be on board to take the necessary actions to save the world. The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow of peace, love, understanding, and clean air and water had seemed at hand.

But insanity seemed to be spreading in the population, as if a baseline level of anger and fear and violence was always in the world and thus new, irrational fears were rising up to fill the void left by the completely rational fears of nuclear war. The DC bombing. The assassinations in Japan. Terrorist attacks, both domestic and foreign. Drug wars, terrorism, ethnic genocide. He increasingly wondered what kind of world he was living in.

Back on the job, things were also increasingly crazy, even as Disney seemed to be doing great on all fronts. In addition to the usual stresses, unions were once again causing controversy. This time, it was a small and very specific group of employees working with the Muppets known as Muppet Wranglers, a unique position that acted as handlers, preparers, assistants, and repair “surgeons” for the various puppets, animatronics, and special effects. It was a job that was in part maintenance, in part costuming, in part props, in part on-set crew, in part effects technician, and in part performance assistant, and was thus one that didn’t really fit in anywhere else. The job had notably lower pay and benefits than the Muppet Performers they supported or the Muppet Workshop Designers and Builders they worked with, even as their duties overlapped both. And they were increasingly unhappy[2].

“You’re the talent coordinator for a puppet, basically,” said Wrangler Rachel Burson. “And yet it’s more complex than that. We do a little of everything and it’s hard for one group to want to claim us. Because we also handle the costumes on the puppets. We also handle the props on the puppets. We do special effects. We have to put our foot in so many different departments. I think [the Wrangler position] just falls under the concept of tradition. ‘This is just always how it’s been.’”[3]

This inability to fit into any of the usual “boxes” in production made unionization a complex thing. The SAG and AFTRA National Puppeteers Committees didn’t believe that they fit with them. Many figured they belonged with IATSE (The International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees, Moving Picture Technicians, Artists and Allied Crafts) along with the costuming, Muppet building, special effects, and props employees, but Wranglers and Performers alike worried that this would turn Muppets and animatronic “Creatures” into mere “props”, a form of demystification that many feared would cause the unspoken “magic” in the uncannily lifelike creations to be lost. Further complicating things, members of both unions were reticent to bring in the Wranglers, since it would mean more people in the “pool” and thus less money to go around, affecting negotiations.

“We were literally caught in the middle,” said Burson.

On top of that, safety issues came up, particularly the use of potentially harmful chemicals like toluene contained in the “Barge” adhesive used in the manufacturing and repair process, which was preferred over the safer non-toluene Barge due to being more adhesive.

“The workshops have these fume hoods, as do some sets,” said one Wrangler, “but on-set repairs usually need to be quick, so you just use the Barge on the spot, which ups your exposure. Complicating things further, a lot of older Builders and Wranglers don’t use the hoods, because they never used them back in their day, and younger Builders and Wranglers follow their lead. Union OSHA reps pushed the use of the hoods in the workshops, but on set it was anything goes.”

Furthermore, some Wranglers reported that they received poor treatment from some Performers, singling out a couple of high-profile Performers in particular.

“The job of the wrangler is eating shit and taking blame,” said one long-time Wrangler.

The Disneys and other anti-union leadership in particular saw the ambiguous status of the Wranglers as a plus, making many of them by default non-union freelancers or low-cost entry jobs, even as they required numerous and varied skill sets. Brian Henson, who worked frequently with them, was starting to lose patience with it all and starting to sympathize with the anti-union managers he’d worked with since formally joining the Disney upper management. However, Jim, being generally tolerant of unions, supported finding a compromise[4].

And Jim felt compelled to take action since it was an issue coming out of his own Muppets, and so he felt personally responsible. Back in the early days, the line between Builders, Wranglers, and Performers was blurred, so the divisions weren’t there. You might design, build, “wrangle”, and perform the Muppet yourself. Fran or Jerry might wrangle one Muppet and then be the “third hand” for another. But the Wrangler position that had evolved in the middle was increasingly a formal part of the growing puppetry industry even beyond Disney and Henson Arts. And a divide between the Performers and Wranglers was, by this point, an undeniable fact, exacerbated by growing corporate size, structure, and union overlay.

Jim personally spoke with Jerry Nelson, who had largely taken over management of The Muppets since he and Frank Oz had moved on, about the reported treatment of the Wranglers. Jerry denied that there was any issue, saying only that there were occasional “misunderstandings” due to the stress on set, but Jim made it clear: “we’re all one team. Make sure everyone knows that.”[5]

Nelson admitted to being taken somewhat aback to have his old friend taking the Wrangler’s word on it, particularly since Jim had been years-removed from the day-to-day Muppet operations by that point. Still, Nelson vowed to make sure that no stratification between the positions formed under his watch. He began to openly take time to talk with Wranglers and Builders and Performers and encouraged fraternization in order to salve any potential stresses, and encouraged others to intervene in disputes or “misunderstandings” when they saw them, with some performers such as Steve Whitmire and Kevin Clash both reporting occasional “good faith discussions” with Nelson after spats with Wranglers or other crew on the set.

And on the issue of unionization, Jim flat out told the most outspoken Wranglers that they needed to “figure it out” themselves as it was legally and ethically “none of [his] business” whether they unionized. Animator’s Union representative Steve Hulett, acting in a “neutral” capacity, got the Senior Wranglers (as they’d named themselves in a deliberate reference to the Discworld character played by Jim) in a room with representatives from SAG, AFTRA, and IATSE. Eventually, aided by the growing number of Wranglers appearing at various non-Henson-related puppet shops (such as Off Hand Productions and Warner Brothers Puppetry) and their growing collective bargaining potential, IATSE agreed to accept “Puppet Wrangler” as a unique named position within the union, with negotiated pay scales on par with props, wardrobe, special effects, and with various on-set safety and negotiation support, with language included in the charter appendix to differentiate puppets and “Advanced Practical Effects” (i.e. “Creatures”) as something different from simple props or costumes.

While not all Wranglers joined IATSE, most ultimately did. Some held out for positions in Performance and joined SAG or AFTRA instead[6]. Others remained non-union.

While Jim considered this “reasonable compromise” a win, the Disney board was upset to see the union “growing” in any capacity, fearing that it would open the door to further expansion by unions into the parks and shops and other areas still relatively union-free.

“Your generosity with those Commies will be the end of us,” Dianne Disney Miller reportedly told Jim at one point.

The NBC merger also continued to bring chaos within Disney. As Diane Disney Miller had feared, there was, despite Bernie acting as a bridge, a noteworthy culture gap and clash between the profane, high-speed New York City culture of NBC and the folksy, friendly, nostalgia-driven culture of Disney-MGM. Issues with Production VP Jamie Tarses and West Coast VP Don Ohlmeyer created drama. And Jim soon found himself dealing with drama surrounding Lorne Michaels and his belligerent management style. Lorne clashed with Bernie over the tone of meetings as Bernie tried to implement Disney policies on behavior. “Be a ‘Good Sport?’” Lorne yelled, holding an official Disney pamphlet. “Give me a frickin’ break here, Bernie!”[7]

The Disney-NBC culture clash soon manifested in open insubordination in some cases. It was a clash symbolized by the debate over Enby the Peacock. Enby was a memorable child-friendly but street-smart mascot anthropomorphizing the classic NBC logo whom Jim and the Disney board loved, but which the NBC folks hated. Found in walkaround, animated, and Muppet format (Kevin Clash performed the Muppet version and voiced the animated version), Enby was supposed to represent the synthesis of the Disney whimsey with the “hip” NBC dynamic, but the NBC folks overwhelmingly hated the bird, which Don Ohlmeyer soon dubbed “The Mucking Fuppet”, a reference to the despised “Land of Scorch” Muppets from the first season of Saturday Night Live. Enby was soon the subject of open mockery on The Tonight Show and SNL, with Dave Letterman and Norm MacDonald in particular taking the bird to task at every opportunity[8].

Management shakeups added to the trouble. Bernie had just released the volatile and confrontational Jamie Tarses and brought in Les Moonves, who seemed like a whip-smart and charismatic guy, but who would soon reveal some skeletons of his own. The NBC drama was just starting.

While the studios continued to perform outstandingly, even if animation was struggling to reach the incredible levels of The Lion King, The Road to Ruin was overbudget and behind schedule, costs driven by Coppola’s notorious perfectionism. It was on track to top $80 million and all of Hollywood was predicting a disastrous flop of Heaven’s Gate proportions. The underperformance of Coppola’s Annie that spring had only added to the sense of inevitable disaster, making the film’s name, The Road to Ruin, seem increasingly apropos. And Jim was claiming full ownership of the film, much as he had with the controversial Toys. If the film performed to the industry’s low expectations, Jim might very well be facing a boardroom coup.

Even the LA Rams deal, now fait accompli, continued to cause stress as Jim and Ron negotiated a place at the LA Colosseum for the team while Jim, Frank, and Stan Kinsey worked with the City of Anaheim on behalf of Disney to develop and build the planned Anaheim Stadium, to be built adjacent to the Arena where the Angels played. This, of course, would first necessitate the construction of parking garages since the new stadium would take up a substantial portion of the current parking lot. For Roy Disney, who’d voted against the Rams deal, the ongoing negotiations and increasing costs were yet more evidence for why he was right and his old rival Ron wrong. Jim’s “Rams Fans to the Rescue” Trust and insistence on threatening legal action rather than just abandoning the deal, or at least accepting an earlier NFL-offered compromise on merchandise, was likewise lambasted by Roy and certain others as “unnecessarily risky” and “making an unbecoming spectacle” of the event. Jim insisted that having the actual Rams fans as part owners of the team would be a huge financial boon in the long run, noting how the publicly-owned Green Bay Packers remained one of the most lucrative NFL franchises with arguably the most loyal fans despite being from a city of less than 100,000 people.

And the twin-stresses of the NBC and Rams deals were once again prying the two sides of the Disney family apart as Ron and Diane increasingly distrusted Roy and vice versa. Complicating things even further was an interview with Entertainment, who, without consulting Jim or Disney first, ran a cover article calling Jim “The New Walt Disney”, a title that Jim had been assigned in the press before, but had never claimed for himself, even calling Entertainment to make clear that he was not claiming that mantle for himself and never had[9]. Jim personally apologized to all Disneys for the article and gave a formal press conference distancing himself from the title, but the damage was done. The one rule at Disney was that only Walt Disney could be Walt Disney and all who came after were caretakers of a vision, not an heir to a title. While Jim hadn’t actually broken that iron rule, the Entertainment article gave the appearance that he had. Ron and Diane accepted Jim’s apologies, as did, apparently, Roy, but Stanley Gold began openly returning to his old suspicions on Jim’s intentions for Disney.

And as Jim navigated these ongoing struggles, feeling a bit like Odysseus navigating between Scylla and Charybdis, little did he know that the biggest challenges as Chairman were yet to come.

(Image source Artstation.net)

* * *

The Board of Directors for the Walt Disney Entertainment Company, January 1996:

Frank Wells, CEO
James M. “Jim” Henson, Chairman and CCO
Richard “Dick” Nunis, President
Stanley Kinsey, COO
Roy E. Disney, Vice Chairman and President, Disney-MGM Studios
Bob Wright (General Electric)
Al Gottesman (President, Henson Arts Holdings)
Dianne Disney Miller (Partner, Retlaw Enterprises)
Peter Dailey (former US ambassador to Ireland and Roy Disney’s brother-in-law)
Charles Cobb (CEO of Arvida Corp.; representing the interests of Bass Brothers)
Alfred Attilio “Al” Checchi (representing Marriott International)

Advisory Board Members (non-voting, ad-hoc attendance):

E. Cardon “Card” Walker, Chairman Emeritus
Sid Bass (CEO of Bass Brothers Enterprises)
Steven Spielberg (Partner, Amblin Entertainment)
John Sculley (CEO & President of Apple Computer, Inc.)
George Lucas (CEO of Lucasfilm, Ltd.)
J. Willard “Bill” Marriott, Jr. (CEO of Marriott International)
Ray Watson, Chairman Emeritus (former head of the Irvine Company)
Caroline Ahmanson (head and founder of Caroline Leonetti Ltd.)
Philip Hawley (Carter Hawley Hale)
Samuel Williamson (senior partner, Hufstedler, Miller, Carson, & Beardsley)
Stan Lee (Chairman of Marvel Entertainment)
Ronald “Ron” Miller (CEO Emeritus)

The Disney Executive Committee:

Frank Wells, CEO
James M. “Jim” Henson, Chairman and CCO
Richard “Dick” Nunis, President
Thomas “Tom” Wilhite, Chairman, Disney-MGM Studios
John Hench, President, Walt Disney Imagineering Workshop
Roy E. Disney, President, Walt Disney Studios

* * *

Stocks at a Glance: Walt Disney Entertainment (DIS)

January 5th, 1996

Stock price: $91.21

Major Shareholders: Henson family (18.6%), Roy E. Disney family (12.2%), Disney-Miller family (12.1%), General Electric (10.4%), Sid Bass (8.7%), Bill Marriott (5.7%), Amblin Entertainment (1.2%), Apple Comp. (0.7%), Lucasfilm Ltd. (0.5%), Suspected “Knights Errant” (4.8%), Other (25.1%)

Outstanding shares: 498.6 million

- ∞ -

[1] Essentially like or timeline’s DisneyQuest.

[2] In recent years Wranglers at the Jim Henson Productions Company have increasingly expressed dislike with working conditions, treatment by the Muppet Performers, and safety issues involving the chemicals that they work with, at least as recently reported by The Hollywood Reporter. Whether these issues existed all along or only evolved over the years I can’t determine. Also, much of the safety stuff appears driven by a lack of resources in the still-small Jim Henson Productions, with a combination of fast-paced work and a lack of resources often becoming a recipe for corner-cutting. Either way, the “in between” nature of the job makes it a hard-to-fit group, so I assume a lot of the union issues remain. Hat tip to @Droman for digging this up.

[3] Adapted from real-life quotes from Burson.

[4] As quoted in the above THR article, SAG-AFTRA Puppetry Committee co-chair Kevin Carlson said “Jim Henson was a lot more union-favorable. Brian is a little more testy about it. Brian is always looking for ways to save money.”

[5] I can’t determine exactly when Jim Henson Productions began to stratify in the manner alleged by the recent Wranglers, though reading about the company under Jim Henson it appears to have formed organically over time as “proximity to Jim” became an unofficial rank. It does not appear that this was by design on Jim Henson’s part, and by all accounts I have read he tended to be very egalitarian and would thus oppose stratification on a visceral level were he aware of it. That said, I have no personal knowledge either way and need to make belief and behavioral assumptions based on limited information

[6] With the increasing earlier crossover in jobs between the big and small screens in this timeline, SAG and AFTRA will merge in the early 2000s. In our timeline they narrowly avoided merging in 2003 when the SAG side missed the 60% support threshold by 640 votes while AFTRA overwhelmingly supported merger, and wouldn’t formally merge until 2013.

[7] If you just heard that in Dr. Evil’s voice, well, whom do you think that Mike Meyers based the character on?

[8] Cheesy ads like the full-page advert in TV Guide where a cartoon Enby watches a TV set to NBC with the tagline “See Enby See Tee Vee” didn’t help, though even Letterman had to admit in private that Enby’s “why CBS when you can NBC” (“why see BS when you can Enby see?”) was a nice slip under the radar.

[9] Compare to Michael Eisner who, in the 1990s, began telling people (including James B. Stewart, author of DisneyWar; see Pg. 514 of the 2006 Paperback Edition) that the name “Disney” was a French name, not Irish, and was originally D’Isner pronounced “Deez-nay” and thus “Eisner without the D”. Eisner later claimed that it was meant in jest. Roy Disney disputes the interpretation of the name, saying (correctly) that Disney is from “d’Isigny” from the French village Isigny-sur-Mer and has nothing to do with the name Eisner, which is a surname from the Germanophone lands of the Austrian Empire meaning “Iron Worker”. This was yet one more nail in the coffin of Eisner’s career at Disney, further alienating the Disney family from Eisner just at the moment when his position as Chairman/CEO was becoming increasingly precarious.

When you Wish Upon a Frog (Book II of the Jim Henson at Disney saga)

Recent threadmarks

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Geekhis Khan

Recent threadmarks