Appropriately enough for this TL, I first heard about it on the Muppets fansite Tough Pigs. I can't find it now, but it was a thesis on the topic "Why People Who Say Elmo Sucks Are Wrong".
When you Wish Upon a Frog (Book II of the Jim Henson at Disney saga)
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Non sto Buttando via il Mio Colpo...
The Broadway Renaissance Age
From Pizazz! The Fabulous History of Musical Theater from Broadway and Beyond, by Tony Worthy
By the dawn of the 2010s the Spectacle Age’s style-over-substance flagrant mass marketing strategy was growing old even with Peoria Housewives on vacay. The 2010s were the decade of the New Sincerity, after all, and the people wanted something “Authentic” rather than “Manufactured”. Thus, the Broadway Renaissance Era began, and continues unto today.
And praise the Spirit of Sondheim for that, gurl.
It arguably started with Taymor’s Hello, Dali in 2008, but most say it started with Johnathan Larson and Quiara Alegría Hudes with their 2012 hit Decisions, which followed a diverse cast and addressed the challenges of the transition from youth into middle age, and the occasionally crushing weight of responsibility as parents and career people of differing demographics. Falling back on many of his and her “regulars” like Idina and Christopher Jackson, Decisions addressed real world concerns in a humorous but true way with a minimalist but engaging set design that connected instantly with younger theater-goers exhausted with Franchise and Spectacle. Tony adored it, naturally.
This kicked off a new era for more grounded, naturalistic, honest, and experimental works that explored things from Reconstruction (Ron Simmons’ Free at Last) to life in a cubicle (Mike Judge’s The Office) to life with a breast cancer diagnosis (Sonia Friedman’s Little Pink Ribbon). While individual shows could be sincere, ironic, realist, or absurdist, all dealt with real issues in honest ways. It was a revolution compared to the earlier Spectacle Age that to be honest never really ended, with plenty of Big Shiny Shows appearing all the way up to today. So the Eras are kind of blur together, but that makes for a boring, unstructured book, so sue me.
But needless to say, the Standout Show of the Decade, the one that dominated the Tonys, the one that made Lin Manuel Miranda a household name, and the most revolutionary show since Rent (which obviously heavily influenced it), was none other than Il Duce! from 2015. It all started when Lin Manuel, on vacay, read a biography of the Fat-Faced Fascist Front-man, Benito Mussolini, and saw in it “a true hip-hop story”.[1]
“Benny M. was the ultimate Gangster,” Lin Manuel said. “He was this thug that blustered and bullied his way to power through a combination of salesmanship, showmanship, and just flat-out paying others to jack your ass. His story read like some sort of Macbethian tragedy of doomed ambition and hubris paired with a tragicomic Rossini operetta. He was laughable, terrifying, shockingly successful, and clownishly incompetent all at the same time. He was the player that ultimately got played.”
Not so different…
Lin Manuel of course wrote a whole musical around it, with a hip hop score heavily influenced by Biggie Smalls and Tupac and other so-called Gangster Rappers, but it was also heavily influenced by the some of the oldest stage entertainment around: the Commedia dell’Arte. Each of his characters was based on a real Fascist or Fascist Enabler, and each was ironically tagged to a character from the Commedia. You had Christopher Jackson as Benito Mussolini, of course (coded to Il Capitano), who is framed and reflected by two allied politicians with agendas of their own: Lin Manuel as conservative politician Dino Grandi (coded to Pulcinella), and Leslie Odom Jr. as the Nazi-loving Roberto Farinacci (coded to Pierrot). Benny M.’s mistresses, each symbolically representing an aspect of his “lust for power”, were played by Elise Goldsberry as the ironically Jewish given later things Margherita Sarfatti (coded as Colombina) and Phillipa Soo as Clara Petacci (coded as the Inamorata Vittoria). Meanwhile, our erstwhile Inamoratti are Renée Anthony Ramos as Galeazzo Ciano (coded to Scaramouche), and Ciara Renée as his lover and Benny’s daughter Edda Mussolini (coded to the Inamorata Isabella).
Supporting roles included Brian d'Arcy James, who plays double-duty as King Victor Emmanuel III (coded to Il Dottore) and Adolf Hitler (coded to Scapino), Daveed Diggs as the show-stealing propagandist Achille Starace (coded to Harlequin), Okieriete Onaodowan plays double-duty as air force Generalissimo and potential Benny rival Italo Balbo [2] (coded to Brighella) and Nazi General Hermann Goering (coded to Tartaglia), and finally Sydney James Harcourt plays as Benny’s early (and ironically Jewish) financial backer Ettore Ovazza (coded as Pantalone). These “zani” variously assist or interfere with Benny’s ability to seal the deal on his power-lust.
Il Duce! brutally skewers Fascist Italy and Fascism in general, not only portraying its racist, antisemitic, queer-phobic characters with people of color and LGBTQ folks (OMG, a gay may plays Hitler!!), but portrays them as literal old-fashioned clowns out of Renaissance Italian theater. And any neo-Fascists who go in expecting a sympathetic take will leave disappointed, assuming that they are paying attention and not just caught up in the theatricality and music.
Il Duce! was the Big Damn Musical, of course, but so many other talented names and performers came into the picture. Savion Glover returned to the stage in Fated. Lileana Blain-Cruz made a splash debut. Miranda Haymon, oh my god. This new era is hearing from new voices and touching on once-taboo subjects in new ways.
And gurl, the best is yet to come.
Think anyone will want to see my workshop?
Yeah…probably not.
[1] In our timeline he read Ron Chernow’s Alexander Hamilton biography, leading, naturally, to our timeline’s breakout hit Hamilton.
[2] "My name is Italo and I'm causin' a panic. I'm flyin' my Armada 'cross the fuckin' Atlan'ic!"
From Pizazz! The Fabulous History of Musical Theater from Broadway and Beyond, by Tony Worthy
By the dawn of the 2010s the Spectacle Age’s style-over-substance flagrant mass marketing strategy was growing old even with Peoria Housewives on vacay. The 2010s were the decade of the New Sincerity, after all, and the people wanted something “Authentic” rather than “Manufactured”. Thus, the Broadway Renaissance Era began, and continues unto today.
And praise the Spirit of Sondheim for that, gurl.
It arguably started with Taymor’s Hello, Dali in 2008, but most say it started with Johnathan Larson and Quiara Alegría Hudes with their 2012 hit Decisions, which followed a diverse cast and addressed the challenges of the transition from youth into middle age, and the occasionally crushing weight of responsibility as parents and career people of differing demographics. Falling back on many of his and her “regulars” like Idina and Christopher Jackson, Decisions addressed real world concerns in a humorous but true way with a minimalist but engaging set design that connected instantly with younger theater-goers exhausted with Franchise and Spectacle. Tony adored it, naturally.
This kicked off a new era for more grounded, naturalistic, honest, and experimental works that explored things from Reconstruction (Ron Simmons’ Free at Last) to life in a cubicle (Mike Judge’s The Office) to life with a breast cancer diagnosis (Sonia Friedman’s Little Pink Ribbon). While individual shows could be sincere, ironic, realist, or absurdist, all dealt with real issues in honest ways. It was a revolution compared to the earlier Spectacle Age that to be honest never really ended, with plenty of Big Shiny Shows appearing all the way up to today. So the Eras are kind of blur together, but that makes for a boring, unstructured book, so sue me.
But needless to say, the Standout Show of the Decade, the one that dominated the Tonys, the one that made Lin Manuel Miranda a household name, and the most revolutionary show since Rent (which obviously heavily influenced it), was none other than Il Duce! from 2015. It all started when Lin Manuel, on vacay, read a biography of the Fat-Faced Fascist Front-man, Benito Mussolini, and saw in it “a true hip-hop story”.[1]
“Benny M. was the ultimate Gangster,” Lin Manuel said. “He was this thug that blustered and bullied his way to power through a combination of salesmanship, showmanship, and just flat-out paying others to jack your ass. His story read like some sort of Macbethian tragedy of doomed ambition and hubris paired with a tragicomic Rossini operetta. He was laughable, terrifying, shockingly successful, and clownishly incompetent all at the same time. He was the player that ultimately got played.”
Not so different…
Lin Manuel of course wrote a whole musical around it, with a hip hop score heavily influenced by Biggie Smalls and Tupac and other so-called Gangster Rappers, but it was also heavily influenced by the some of the oldest stage entertainment around: the Commedia dell’Arte. Each of his characters was based on a real Fascist or Fascist Enabler, and each was ironically tagged to a character from the Commedia. You had Christopher Jackson as Benito Mussolini, of course (coded to Il Capitano), who is framed and reflected by two allied politicians with agendas of their own: Lin Manuel as conservative politician Dino Grandi (coded to Pulcinella), and Leslie Odom Jr. as the Nazi-loving Roberto Farinacci (coded to Pierrot). Benny M.’s mistresses, each symbolically representing an aspect of his “lust for power”, were played by Elise Goldsberry as the ironically Jewish given later things Margherita Sarfatti (coded as Colombina) and Phillipa Soo as Clara Petacci (coded as the Inamorata Vittoria). Meanwhile, our erstwhile Inamoratti are Renée Anthony Ramos as Galeazzo Ciano (coded to Scaramouche), and Ciara Renée as his lover and Benny’s daughter Edda Mussolini (coded to the Inamorata Isabella).
Supporting roles included Brian d'Arcy James, who plays double-duty as King Victor Emmanuel III (coded to Il Dottore) and Adolf Hitler (coded to Scapino), Daveed Diggs as the show-stealing propagandist Achille Starace (coded to Harlequin), Okieriete Onaodowan plays double-duty as air force Generalissimo and potential Benny rival Italo Balbo [2] (coded to Brighella) and Nazi General Hermann Goering (coded to Tartaglia), and finally Sydney James Harcourt plays as Benny’s early (and ironically Jewish) financial backer Ettore Ovazza (coded as Pantalone). These “zani” variously assist or interfere with Benny’s ability to seal the deal on his power-lust.
Il Duce! brutally skewers Fascist Italy and Fascism in general, not only portraying its racist, antisemitic, queer-phobic characters with people of color and LGBTQ folks (OMG, a gay may plays Hitler!!), but portrays them as literal old-fashioned clowns out of Renaissance Italian theater. And any neo-Fascists who go in expecting a sympathetic take will leave disappointed, assuming that they are paying attention and not just caught up in the theatricality and music.
Il Duce! was the Big Damn Musical, of course, but so many other talented names and performers came into the picture. Savion Glover returned to the stage in Fated. Lileana Blain-Cruz made a splash debut. Miranda Haymon, oh my god. This new era is hearing from new voices and touching on once-taboo subjects in new ways.
And gurl, the best is yet to come.
Think anyone will want to see my workshop?
Yeah…probably not.
[1] In our timeline he read Ron Chernow’s Alexander Hamilton biography, leading, naturally, to our timeline’s breakout hit Hamilton.
[2] "My name is Italo and I'm causin' a panic. I'm flyin' my Armada 'cross the fuckin' Atlan'ic!"
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The only thing preventing me from calling bull is the fact that somewhere in the multiverse, alternate me is about to call bull on Hamilton.
This reminds me of how Mel Brooks dressed up as Hitler in this music video. (May be NSFW.)
Movies 2010-Present
Opening of Sledge Hammer! (2013)
Ext – Los Angeles[1] – Streets – Day
We open In Media Res. A sketchy PUNK (Sean Gunn, brother of director James Gunn) runs down the streets, ducking through the crowds, occasionally knocking over innocent bystanders. His face is one of pure terror. He occasionally looks over his shoulder, watching out for his pursuer. Exciting retro instrumental music plays, framed by the brass fanfare from the Sledge Hammer! TV series theme.
CUT TO his pursuer: his well-shined shoes, his massive fists, his broad shoulders within his suit coat, framing his thin necktie, the gleaming LAPD badge on his belt. Finally, CUT TO the determined face of Inspector SLEDGE HAMMER (Dave Bautista), who dramatically takes off his aviator sunglasses. The fanfare plays triumphantly as he pursues his quarry.
The PUNK turns down a side street. SLEDGE HAMMER pursues. He pulls out AMIGO, his custom .44 Magnum Revolver, from his shoulder holster, takes aim, and fires, shattering a shopkeeper’s window inches from the PUNK’S head. The PUNK shrieks. As SLEDGE HAMMER runs by the store, the SHOP KEEP (Jerry Seinfeld) looks out through the shattered window, shocked.
SLEDGE HAMMER shoots at the PUNK again, blowing out a traffic light. Two cars crash horribly in the intersection.
The PUNK vaults over a stone wall, parkour style. SLEDGE HAMMER swings over the wall in pursuit. They are now running through a playground. SLEDGE HAMMER shoots again, and again, popping a 5-year-old kid’s balloons, causing him to cry.
The PUNK runs across the street into a Fun Tyme Pizza chain. SLEDGE HAMMER pursues.
Int – Los Angeles – Fun Tyme Pizza – Day
SLEDGE HAMMER and the PUNK are ducking and dodging around video games and kids playing whack-a-mole. SLEDGE HAMMER shoots again, blowing the head off of an animatronic bunny (Billy West) that is talking to a group of small kids, among them PAULINE, the birthday girl.
PAULINE and the other kids scream in terror.
Ext – Los Angeles – Streets – Day
The PUNK runs out of the Pizza joint, crossing a busy highway, sliding across the hood of a car as it screeches to a halt in front of him. SLEDGE HAMMER pursues, running into the street. Cars honk and slam their breaks and swerve to avoid hitting him. They fishtail and roll and slam into one another in a massive multi-car pileup. Car after car crashes. Soon a gasoline tanker truck jackknifes and is hit by another truck, rupturing the tank trailer and causing fuel to leak in a long stream that inches menacingly towards a burning sedan. The driver flees from the truck just as it EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL.
SLEDGE HAMMER runs on, framed by the explosion, oblivious to the carnage in his wake, single-minded in his pursuit of the PUNK.
Finally, the PUNK cuts down a narrow alleyway just dodging one more shot from AMIGO, which blows out the window of a police cruiser, causing its occupant, a COP with a doughnut in his mouth to bug out his eyes and faint.
SLEDGE HAMMER enters the alleyway, the PUNK neatly framed. He takes careful aim, and pulls the trigger. Click! Click! Empty.
The PUNK bounces off of both alley walls and over a wooden gate in a dazzling parkour move. SLEDGE HAMMER jumps and grabs the top of the gate. The gate falls over, SLEDGE HAMMER landing on his back, the fallen gate atop him.
SLEDGE HAMMER groans beneath the gate.
CUT TO the cockily smiling PUNK as he runs off. He darts down another ally and takes a rest against a wall, catching his breath.
JUMP SCARE as SLEDGE HAMMER appears from screen left, grabbing the screaming PUNK by his collar.
SLEDGE HAMMER pistol whips the PUNK with AMIGO, knocking him cold[2].
SLEDGE HAMMER tenderly and lovingly kisses AMIGO.
CUT TO…
Int – Los Angeles – Circle K – Day
SLEDGE HAMMER walks boldly up the aisle of the Circle K to the BORED TEENAGER behind the counter. As the fanfare triumphantly blasts, he slaps down the stolen goods: a single pack of Chewy Chompers Gummy Chimps that the Punk had pocketed.
CUT TO…
Ext – Los Angeles – Circle K – Day
SLEDGE HAMMER walks out from the Circle K, shot triumphantly from a low angle, a titan among men. He puts on his aviator sunglasses and crosses his arms.
Freeze Frame.
Big gaudy Title Card with 3D letters filling up the screen: “SLEDGE HAMMER!”
Needle drop of Peter Gabriel’s “Sledge Hammer”, starting with the opening fanfare (“Nuh-nuh nah nah nuh-Naaaaahhhh! Nuh Nuh!”) as the Title Card appears.
Unfreeze. Title Card disappears. (“Nuh-nuh nah nah nuh-Naaaaahhhh! Nuh Nuh!”) SLEDGE HAMMER walks off camera right.
Roll Opening Credits[3], CUTTING between various LA landmarks before settling on SLEDGE HAMMER driving his crappy old faded green ‘81 Dodge St. Regis, as “Sledge Hammer” plays on (“You could have a Steam Train…”).
New York Times Short Movie Reviews, 2010-Present
Social Networks (2010)
The rise of Social Media platforms like Lilypad and E-Community have ironically made us more interconnected, and yet less personally connected as we stare at our computers all day. And Nokia’s new Intelephones are only going to accelerate these trends. Creator Mike Judge has seen enough, and thus brings us Connected, a brutal deconstructive parody of the industry and technology though the fictional company of Facetime. Partnering with Whoopass Studios and Hyperion Pictures, Connected follows company CEO Zack Lundberg (Zach Galifianakis) from his days as a Dorm Rat at the South Hampton Institute of Technology (better known by its acronym, naturally) through his corporate rise and increasingly ironic disconnection to his employees and friends. A twisting psychological comedy and satire of the Internet Age, Connected reminds us, in the funniest way possible, that it’s the human connections that we make, not the technological toys or fortunes that we acquire, that make us rich and connected.
+
Connected; Rated T for Profanity, Adult Situations, and Substance Use; ⭐⭐⭐
A Salute to Harryhausen (2012)
Skeleton Crew Productions Chairman and CEO Tim Burton has long been a fan of Special Effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen. And his latest film, Argonauts, a brilliant remake of the Harryhausen classic Jason and the Argonauts, is living, loving proof. Closely following the events and much of the dialog of the 1963 classic, Argonauts, starring Jason Momoa as Jason and Olivia Wilde as Medea, reenacts many of the classic scenes, from the Hydra to the cyclops to the Skeleton Warriors, using modern effects, the latter done through a combination of visual motion capture and digital pantomime that lend real weight and realism to the fight[4]. And yet the framing and motion of the effects deliberately hearken back to Harryhausen’s original in clear homage (Harryhausen was apparently consulted, appears as an extra, and was at the debut). Burton’s signature style is all over the film as well, while Ivan Raimi’s dialog gives everything a touch of self-reverential camp that is endearing rather than distracting, evoking the original dialog without either aping it or mocking it. Momoa manages to exude a strong, masculine confidence while remaining vulnerable and human, and is at times surprisingly funny. And while the film remains pure popcorn fare, it does slip in some poignant statements on the nature of expectations and setting your own course. All said, this is a fun summer fantasy film and well worth your time.
Absolutely not this
Argonauts; Rated T for Action, Violence, some Horror Elements, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐
A Story of the Brothers Disney (2013)
For decades the Walt Disney Entertainment Company has been very careful in how they portray their founder and namesake Walt Disney. Much as Walt ironically became buried by his own public persona, so did the Disney company try for decades after his death to maintain the pure-as-fallen-snow Uncle Walt façade. In doing so, they managed to bury not just the human behind the iconic persona, but the critical contributions of his hard-working brother Roy, who built the studio with him, the grounded businessman who balanced the starry-eyed dreamer. In Wish Upon a Star, Walt Disney Productions brings us a much more candid tale of the Disney Brothers, with Tom Hanks and Paul Giamatti playing Walt and Roy, respectively. And in doing so, it makes us appreciate the two men all the more.
It’s a sincere and Capraesque movie at its heart, and a loving tribute to the two men as well as their wives and children, and yet it doesn’t shy away from their challenges, or try to whitewash their complex history. It follows the brothers’ lives together, from their shared challenges growing up in an abusive home, to their rise together in the nascent animation industry, to their momentous falling-out and their eventual reconciliation. We see all sides of the men. We see Walt drink and smoke and argue with his brother and lose patience with his nephew Roy E., and yet we also see his heartwarming moments with Roy E., building model trains together, and endearing moments with his own daughters. And we see Roy suppress his anger and swallow his pride as his younger brother essentially takes over the studio they founded together, and yet still works tirelessly to see his brother’s ridiculously optimistic visions successfully enacted.
Both Disney brothers are thus treated with nuance and respect, even as we see both sides of their core humanity, which ultimately makes the two far more relatable and endearing than any stylized, whitewashed portrayal ever could.
(Image source Slate)
Wish Upon a Star; Rated PG for mild Profanity, Alcohol and Tobacco Use, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐½
The Cowboy Cop gets Clobbered (2013)
You’ve likely forgotten about the 1986-1988 Alan Spencer ABC Cowboy Cop parody series Sledge Hammer! starring David Rasche and Anne-Marie Martin. Thankfully, Universal Pictures did not. With the ongoing blowback against the late 5th season excesses of the Detective Killian series, a series which reconstructed the old Dirty Harry and Death Wish cowboy cop tropes but devoid of any nuance or social commentary, the stage was set for the return of the series that skewered said tropes.
This comedic action film parody of the same name stars former WCW wrestler turned character actor Dave Bautista, whom you’ve likely known as “Tough Guy #2” or “Aggressive Prisoner” or may have barely recognized under his makeup as the monstrous cyclops in last year’s Jason and the Argonauts remake. Well, the big and blunt blusterer got his big break, and honestly, blew us away! For all of his Pro Wrestler bravado, Bautista has proven to have not just a good screen presence, but a natural sense of comedic timing and a just-buried layer of emotional depth that brings humanity to what easily could have been a one-note character in the titular Inspector Sledge Hammer.
As the name implies, Hammer is a blunt force tool who takes the tropes of the Cowboy Cop and dials them well past eleven. He’s a living, breathing mass of toxicity and insensitivity, violent, erratic, and quick to use the gun even when it’s wildly inappropriate. He’s the type of man who rescues the kitten from the tree using his literally beloved .44 Magnum, which he adoringly calls his “Amigo” (don’t worry, he shoots the limb, not the kitten!). He’s the type of man whose actions in fighting crime tend to cause far more destruction and chaos than they prevent. And on the subject of “Amigo”, which “sleeps” next to him on a silk pillow, his love for his gun borders on actual romance, with numerous Rom-Com tropes used to frame the man-Magnum relationship.
But equally shining is Rashida Jones as Hammer’s new partner and foil Detective Dori Doreau, who was forced upon him by Captain Trunk (Carl Weathers) in a seemingly futile effort to curb his destructive habits. She’s the latest in a long line of partners who, like Spinal Tap drummers, tend not to last long. As the straight woman and audience surrogate, she endeavors to curb not just his destructive habits, but his blatant sexism and misogyny, with results that are mixed to say the least. Either way, their on-screen chemistry makes for an enjoyable partnership that helps to make even the most deliberately cringeworthy excesses of Hammer into moments of hidden humanity. And Jones’ natural dry wit makes Doreau a standout character in her own right, transforming what could have been a moralistic role into one whose partnership with Hammer transforms them both.
All of this is framed by a deliberately formulaic plot to take over the city involving a corrupt mayor (William Shatner) scheming with a greedy real estate mogul (Alfred Molina) and the local crime boss (Steve Buscemi), all played to hammy, deliberately stereotypical excess. And director James Gunn brings the audience in on the joke, using the clichés of the genre and some epic needle drops as a framework upon which to build a fun and thrilling over-the-top action-comedy parody in the vein of Last Action Hero, yet a film also chock-a-block with the very same thrilling car chases and foot chases and quips and explosions and fist fights that made the Buddy Cop genre popular to begin with. Some scenes even lovingly quote the implausibly over-the-top action scenes from Bollywood action films.
Bollywood Action is the undisputed master of Crazy Awesome (Image source Tenor)
And yet what makes this film more than just a parody of Dirty Harry is its core of humanity. Rather than subconsciously revel in the problematic old tropes that it parodies, it viciously deconstructs them and uses them as a dark mirror against toxic, self-destructive behaviors, bigotry, and misogyny. And Bautista, an outspoken feminist, makes clear both on-screen and off that Hammer’s behavior is a problem to be fixed, not a virtue to be emulated.
In the end, Sledge Hammer! elevates the source material while paying due tribute to it, delves into some serious issues on toxicity and misogyny in a more than superficial way without getting “preachy”, and is a fun summer action-comedy popcorn film to boot.
This as a film starring Dave Bautista and Rashida Jones (Image source Just Watch)
Sledge Hammer! Rated T for over-the-top comedic Action, Profanity, and Adult Themes ⭐⭐⭐
A Tumultuous Time in our History (2014)
Numerous films have dealt with the American Civil War and others the dark era of Jim Crow. And yet few have meaningfully touched the transformational period in between beyond lazy “Carpetbagger” stereotypes. Reconstruction, a historical epic from Spike Lee and MGM that follows a former slave family and their former enslavers in Mississippi, does. Set in the 1870s under the presidency of Ulysses S. Grant, the tale follows newly freed slave Titus (Michael Clark Duncan) and his wife Belle (Viola Davis) as they deal with the aftermath of the war that set them free. Pulled between the twin poles of hope for the future as they try to dig out a living as sharecroppers on the estate of their former master Thaddeus Farquhar (a nuanced portrayal by John Larroquette) and fear for their lives as violence grows with the rise of the KKK (led by a frightening Michael Rooker), Titus and Belle act as our eyes and ears for this sadly forgotten yet pivotal period of American history. In them we see the hope for what might have been had Reconstruction succeeded in its aims and the tragedy of how it failed, and allowed for a century of oppression and violence. And in Reconstruction we finally have the film that we’ve needed for over a century. We can only hope that it spurs a larger discussion on what is to come.
Reconstruction; Rated R for Violence, Scenes of Rape and Torture, Racist Language, Nudity, Substance Use, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Warriors of Silicon Valley (2016)
The Dot-Com Bubble marked a disastrous beginning for the 2000s, and the subsequent Green Bubble of 2003 sent the nation into Recession. But what caused this mess? And are we heading down the same road? These are the questions that Gus Van Sant asks in Venture, a naturalistic look inside the world of Venture Capital and its effect on Stock Market speculation and asset bubbles inspired by the recent failure of several Silicon Valley banking institutions. Leo DiCaprio shines as a Venture Capitalist and Angel Investor who goes by the telling pseudonym Gabriel Archer, a fictionalized take on the many such investors whose high-risk investments fuel the growth of the Tech Industry. And as the recent banking crisis in the Silicon Valley attests, they have failed to learn from their past mistakes. Venture introduces us to Silicon Valley and other tech Hubs in the late 1990s, a world of greed, excess, sin, debauchery, and white-collar crime, and which plays out like a mafia movie, albeit one populated by Tech Bros and Accounting Nerds. It’s part exposé, part crime film, part exploration of human nature, and gives real insight into the often-opaque world of High-Tech Startups.
Like this, but for Silicon Valley rather than Wall Street (Image source E24)
Venture; Rated R for Profanity, Nudity, Sexuality, Substance Use, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐½
Doubling Toronto (2017)
At this point it’s an established cliché that every film, no matter where it is set, will be at least partially filmed in Toronto, Canada, even while almost no films are actually set there. Toronto native Mike Meyers apparently had enough of this and teamed with Parody Producers Trey Parker and Matt Stone to bring us the ironically named Filmed in Toronto, a screwball comedy about a recently divorced Toronto Film Board executive named Ian Soorie (Meyers) who acts as an intermediary for arranging location shoots in Toronto for major Hollywood producers and directors (a plethora of self-deprecating “as himself” cameos from Spielberg to Kathryn Bigelow to Stephen King to Ben Stiller), all the while struggling in his dysfunctional dating life, particularly once Magical Dragon Girlfriend parody Zoey McToque (Zooey Deschanel, naturally) enters his life.
But just to take things a step further, Meyers, Parker, and Stone deliberately never filmed a single minute of the film in Toronto or any adjacent city! In fact, they went out of their way to film on locations in New York, New Jersey, New Orleans, Miami, Seattle, Atlanta, and even California, with some scenes so blatantly not happening in Toronto that no attention needs to be drawn to the matter, such as scenes with visible palm trees or other cities’ famous landmarks. In one hilariously egregious example, the scene set at the CN Tower is clearly filmed in and around the Seattle Sky Needle. Canadian audiences, particularly Torontonians who constantly have to see their home city portrayed as somewhere else, will appreciate both the meta-joke and the numerous Canadian and Toronto references, from a visit to Tim Horton’s (actually a Duncan Donuts with awkwardly placed Horton’s signs), to a drive past the Indian shops of Gerrard Street (actually Edison, NJ), to a Chinatown that’s clearly San Francisco’s, to a ride on the TTC (actually the iconic San Francisco and New Orleans Streetcars, switching mid-scene in a deliberately jarring cut). Jokes about endless construction abound and there seems to be a racoon in every scene, for reasons that I assume Torontonians understand. They even extend the meta-joke to another oft-doubled Canadian city, with Ian’s business trip to Vancouver actually filmed in Miami[5].
A beauty of a day in Toronto, eh? (Image source iStock Photo)
This madness frames a warped, farcical comedy of errors and sexcapades that savagely slaughters all the tropes and clichés of Rom-Coms in a way that reminds one of early Woody Allen. The entire film industry, from virtue-signaling Hollywood Royalty to greedy meddling narcissistic studio executives to the shady business of “industry incentives”, are viciously mocked, but in over-the-top ways that only add to the madcap rather than distract from it (this film refuses to take itself seriously or ask you to). The results are a fun and delightfully frivolous bit of comedy entertainment that goes far beyond the central meta-concept and into something universally enjoyable, even if only Torontonians will get all the jokes (sorry).
Filmed in Toronto; Rated T for Profanity, Adult Situations, Substance Use, and Sexuality; ⭐⭐⭐½
A Stark Lesson in Physics and Humanity (2018)
Director Denis Villeneuve continues to make a name for himself as an auteur of Kubrickian proportions. And Relativity is no exception. Following Astronaut Andrew Bains (Jake Gyllenhaal) as he explores a black hole, knowing that he’s on a one-way journey that will take him forever away from his family but just might save the world, Relativity is a psychological drama which jumps between Bains’ mission and his dramatic past that leads up to it. A Postmodern exploration of time and relationships and memory, Relativity asks us hard questions about humanity and human nature, questions that appear lost on those nerdy internet detractors who just focus on why they didn’t send an unmanned probe (even though they explain why in the film). As much an experience as a movie, Relativity marks Villeneuve as a director to watch going forward.
(Image source The Express)
Relativity; Rated T for Intense Action, Profanity, Substance Use, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Del Toro does his Creature (2020)
Back in 1998 the world saw a catastrophe in Roland Emmerich’s Creature from the Black Lagoon, a remake so hated that it killed the Universal Monsters Renaissance singlehandedly. And yet studio intrigues, backstabbing producers, a troubled production of Apocalypse Now levels, and the infamy of Andy Dick led to a mindless monster film that paled to Peter Jackson's original treatment. Now, of course, after nearly a quarter century, Gill-man fans have been spoiled for choice - from Neill Blomkamp's take two years ago (based heavily on a retooled version of Peter Jackson's - who served as executive producer - original treatment) to this spiritual remake from Guillermo del Toro.
Del Toro, even as a child, found himself rooting for the unlikely romance between the Gill-man and Kay Lawrence in the 1954 original[6]. He spent much of his career trying to take this unorthodox approach to the big screen, and the fact that he succeeded is a testament to his love for the central story. It’s also a subtle expose on the nature of race coding in horror films, and a not-so-subtle deconstruction of them as del Toro places them right out in the open, resulting in a tale about prejudice, forbidden love, and discrimination. And the result is breathtaking, an exploration of love and sensuality that can’t be described, only experienced.
Black Lagoon; Rated T for Violence, Profanity, Adult Themes, and Sexuality; ⭐⭐⭐½
Bent Crude (2022)
The transition from the Fossil Fuel Economy to a Green Economy has been messy, and will likely continue to be so for at least another decade. Caught in the middle of all this are the Roughnecks who work the oceanic drilling platforms, a dangerous and thankless job that none-the-less remains necessary to keep the transportation infrastructure that feeds us going[7]. And Tar, which follows Chris Cooper’s Johnny Brandt and his roughneck crew, takes a hard-nosed look at the job, the people who perform it, its dangers, and its corporate politics. Even the most dedicated Environmentalist is likely to take a new and sympathetic look at the roughnecks after seeing this film.
Tar; Rated R for Violence, Profanity, Sexuality, Nudity, and Substance Use; ⭐⭐⭐
In Brief:
[1] The Series was technically set in San Francisco, but mostly filmed in LA. And since SF wanted nothing to do with the series or its representation of its officers, the city went unnamed through its run. Gunn just makes it LA.
[2] The Punk will appear again, in a wheel chair with a massive head bandage, launching an excessive force lawsuit.
[3] An expository driving montage through the streets of LA as Sledge Hammer narrates in voiceover. “The City of Angels. Ha! More like the City of…you know, the horny little red dudes.”
[4] As he did with Jurassic park, Burton will release a Special Edition with stop-mo special effects and remastered color to give it a 1960s Eastmancolor look.
[5] Hat tip to @Plateosaurus for the deep-cut Toronto references.
[6] Given the “near miss” of the 1997 film and the fact that del Toro had literally been sitting on the idea since childhood (predates the Point of Departure by over a decade), a second-order butterfly seemed very likely. Also, fragrant fan service and a call back to one of the more popular Guest Posts. Charles Dance will return as the much more nuanced antagonist and Lena Headley will even play the female protagonist’s mother, and call the film experience “cathartic”. You’re welcome.
[7] Even with an earlier beginning of a transition to electric vehicles, certain vehicles like aircraft, heavy trucks, and container ships will still need to depend on petroleum-based fuels for an extended transition period.
[8] Mercury’s satirical “Smash the Glass Door”, which mercilessly slaughters the musical tropes of sappy Oscar bait songs, will ironically win the 2016 Best Original Song Oscar.
Ext – Los Angeles[1] – Streets – Day
We open In Media Res. A sketchy PUNK (Sean Gunn, brother of director James Gunn) runs down the streets, ducking through the crowds, occasionally knocking over innocent bystanders. His face is one of pure terror. He occasionally looks over his shoulder, watching out for his pursuer. Exciting retro instrumental music plays, framed by the brass fanfare from the Sledge Hammer! TV series theme.
CUT TO his pursuer: his well-shined shoes, his massive fists, his broad shoulders within his suit coat, framing his thin necktie, the gleaming LAPD badge on his belt. Finally, CUT TO the determined face of Inspector SLEDGE HAMMER (Dave Bautista), who dramatically takes off his aviator sunglasses. The fanfare plays triumphantly as he pursues his quarry.
The PUNK turns down a side street. SLEDGE HAMMER pursues. He pulls out AMIGO, his custom .44 Magnum Revolver, from his shoulder holster, takes aim, and fires, shattering a shopkeeper’s window inches from the PUNK’S head. The PUNK shrieks. As SLEDGE HAMMER runs by the store, the SHOP KEEP (Jerry Seinfeld) looks out through the shattered window, shocked.
Shop Keep
(arms out, palms up) What the hell, man?
Sledge Hammer
Trust me, citizen, I know what I’m doing. (turns to PUNK) Stop, evildoer!!
(arms out, palms up) What the hell, man?
Sledge Hammer
Trust me, citizen, I know what I’m doing. (turns to PUNK) Stop, evildoer!!
SLEDGE HAMMER shoots at the PUNK again, blowing out a traffic light. Two cars crash horribly in the intersection.
Sledge Hammer
(looks at gun) Are you feeling alright, Amigo?
(looks at gun) Are you feeling alright, Amigo?
The PUNK vaults over a stone wall, parkour style. SLEDGE HAMMER swings over the wall in pursuit. They are now running through a playground. SLEDGE HAMMER shoots again, and again, popping a 5-year-old kid’s balloons, causing him to cry.
The PUNK runs across the street into a Fun Tyme Pizza chain. SLEDGE HAMMER pursues.
Int – Los Angeles – Fun Tyme Pizza – Day
SLEDGE HAMMER and the PUNK are ducking and dodging around video games and kids playing whack-a-mole. SLEDGE HAMMER shoots again, blowing the head off of an animatronic bunny (Billy West) that is talking to a group of small kids, among them PAULINE, the birthday girl.
Bunny Robot
And a huh-huh-happy birthday to you, Pauline! What do you want for your b… (BLAM!) …buh-buh-biiirrrrr…..
And a huh-huh-happy birthday to you, Pauline! What do you want for your b… (BLAM!) …buh-buh-biiirrrrr…..
PAULINE and the other kids scream in terror.
Ext – Los Angeles – Streets – Day
The PUNK runs out of the Pizza joint, crossing a busy highway, sliding across the hood of a car as it screeches to a halt in front of him. SLEDGE HAMMER pursues, running into the street. Cars honk and slam their breaks and swerve to avoid hitting him. They fishtail and roll and slam into one another in a massive multi-car pileup. Car after car crashes. Soon a gasoline tanker truck jackknifes and is hit by another truck, rupturing the tank trailer and causing fuel to leak in a long stream that inches menacingly towards a burning sedan. The driver flees from the truck just as it EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL.
SLEDGE HAMMER runs on, framed by the explosion, oblivious to the carnage in his wake, single-minded in his pursuit of the PUNK.
Finally, the PUNK cuts down a narrow alleyway just dodging one more shot from AMIGO, which blows out the window of a police cruiser, causing its occupant, a COP with a doughnut in his mouth to bug out his eyes and faint.
SLEDGE HAMMER enters the alleyway, the PUNK neatly framed. He takes careful aim, and pulls the trigger. Click! Click! Empty.
Sledge Hammer
(to gun) Oh, come on, Amigo! Heck of a time to go dry on me.
(to gun) Oh, come on, Amigo! Heck of a time to go dry on me.
The PUNK bounces off of both alley walls and over a wooden gate in a dazzling parkour move. SLEDGE HAMMER jumps and grabs the top of the gate. The gate falls over, SLEDGE HAMMER landing on his back, the fallen gate atop him.
SLEDGE HAMMER groans beneath the gate.
CUT TO the cockily smiling PUNK as he runs off. He darts down another ally and takes a rest against a wall, catching his breath.
Punk
Whoa, what a freaking maniac! Glad I lost hi… (shrieks like a girl)
Whoa, what a freaking maniac! Glad I lost hi… (shrieks like a girl)
JUMP SCARE as SLEDGE HAMMER appears from screen left, grabbing the screaming PUNK by his collar.
Sledge Hammer
So, punk, you thought you could outrun Justice. But it’s just us now, and just in time for you to go to justly to jail for your crimes. Scum like you are the scum that scums up this great city, you scummy punk. But even the scummiest of scum can’t stand up to the amazing cleaning power of THE LAW, which is moi, capice? Me and my Amigo here. Ain’t that right, Amigo?
Punk
Um, you talk to your gun? That’s not healthy, ma…
Sledge Hammer
(points AMIGO aggressively) Don’t you DARE badmouth my Amigo, you trashy punk! Trash like you trash up this city and…
Punk
(interrupts) Um…I hate to be a bother, but I think you already did the trash thing.
Sledge Hammer
That was scum, you filth!
Punk
You’re right, my bad.
Sledge Hammer
(beat) Your bad indeed!
So, punk, you thought you could outrun Justice. But it’s just us now, and just in time for you to go to justly to jail for your crimes. Scum like you are the scum that scums up this great city, you scummy punk. But even the scummiest of scum can’t stand up to the amazing cleaning power of THE LAW, which is moi, capice? Me and my Amigo here. Ain’t that right, Amigo?
Punk
Um, you talk to your gun? That’s not healthy, ma…
Sledge Hammer
(points AMIGO aggressively) Don’t you DARE badmouth my Amigo, you trashy punk! Trash like you trash up this city and…
Punk
(interrupts) Um…I hate to be a bother, but I think you already did the trash thing.
Sledge Hammer
That was scum, you filth!
Punk
You’re right, my bad.
Sledge Hammer
(beat) Your bad indeed!
SLEDGE HAMMER pistol whips the PUNK with AMIGO, knocking him cold[2].
Sledge Hammer
Nighty night, Punk. Sleep tight. Dream sweet dreams of Lady Justice…kicking your punk ass! Now, to return your ill-gotten gains to their rightful owner. But first…
Nighty night, Punk. Sleep tight. Dream sweet dreams of Lady Justice…kicking your punk ass! Now, to return your ill-gotten gains to their rightful owner. But first…
SLEDGE HAMMER tenderly and lovingly kisses AMIGO.
Sledge Hammer
Great work today, my sweet, sweet Amigo...
Great work today, my sweet, sweet Amigo...
CUT TO…
Int – Los Angeles – Circle K – Day
SLEDGE HAMMER walks boldly up the aisle of the Circle K to the BORED TEENAGER behind the counter. As the fanfare triumphantly blasts, he slaps down the stolen goods: a single pack of Chewy Chompers Gummy Chimps that the Punk had pocketed.
Sledge Hammer
There you are, citizen, your stolen property, rightfully returned.
Bored Teenager
Um…thanks…?
Sledge Hammer
(interrupts, turns and stares into middle distance) No need to thank me, citizen. The thanks of sweet Lady Justice are all the thanks I need. (beat) You’re welcome.
There you are, citizen, your stolen property, rightfully returned.
Bored Teenager
Um…thanks…?
Sledge Hammer
(interrupts, turns and stares into middle distance) No need to thank me, citizen. The thanks of sweet Lady Justice are all the thanks I need. (beat) You’re welcome.
CUT TO…
Ext – Los Angeles – Circle K – Day
SLEDGE HAMMER walks out from the Circle K, shot triumphantly from a low angle, a titan among men. He puts on his aviator sunglasses and crosses his arms.
Freeze Frame.
Big gaudy Title Card with 3D letters filling up the screen: “SLEDGE HAMMER!”
Needle drop of Peter Gabriel’s “Sledge Hammer”, starting with the opening fanfare (“Nuh-nuh nah nah nuh-Naaaaahhhh! Nuh Nuh!”) as the Title Card appears.
Unfreeze. Title Card disappears. (“Nuh-nuh nah nah nuh-Naaaaahhhh! Nuh Nuh!”) SLEDGE HAMMER walks off camera right.
Roll Opening Credits[3], CUTTING between various LA landmarks before settling on SLEDGE HAMMER driving his crappy old faded green ‘81 Dodge St. Regis, as “Sledge Hammer” plays on (“You could have a Steam Train…”).
- - -
New York Times Short Movie Reviews, 2010-Present
Social Networks (2010)
The rise of Social Media platforms like Lilypad and E-Community have ironically made us more interconnected, and yet less personally connected as we stare at our computers all day. And Nokia’s new Intelephones are only going to accelerate these trends. Creator Mike Judge has seen enough, and thus brings us Connected, a brutal deconstructive parody of the industry and technology though the fictional company of Facetime. Partnering with Whoopass Studios and Hyperion Pictures, Connected follows company CEO Zack Lundberg (Zach Galifianakis) from his days as a Dorm Rat at the South Hampton Institute of Technology (better known by its acronym, naturally) through his corporate rise and increasingly ironic disconnection to his employees and friends. A twisting psychological comedy and satire of the Internet Age, Connected reminds us, in the funniest way possible, that it’s the human connections that we make, not the technological toys or fortunes that we acquire, that make us rich and connected.
Connected; Rated T for Profanity, Adult Situations, and Substance Use; ⭐⭐⭐
A Salute to Harryhausen (2012)
Skeleton Crew Productions Chairman and CEO Tim Burton has long been a fan of Special Effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen. And his latest film, Argonauts, a brilliant remake of the Harryhausen classic Jason and the Argonauts, is living, loving proof. Closely following the events and much of the dialog of the 1963 classic, Argonauts, starring Jason Momoa as Jason and Olivia Wilde as Medea, reenacts many of the classic scenes, from the Hydra to the cyclops to the Skeleton Warriors, using modern effects, the latter done through a combination of visual motion capture and digital pantomime that lend real weight and realism to the fight[4]. And yet the framing and motion of the effects deliberately hearken back to Harryhausen’s original in clear homage (Harryhausen was apparently consulted, appears as an extra, and was at the debut). Burton’s signature style is all over the film as well, while Ivan Raimi’s dialog gives everything a touch of self-reverential camp that is endearing rather than distracting, evoking the original dialog without either aping it or mocking it. Momoa manages to exude a strong, masculine confidence while remaining vulnerable and human, and is at times surprisingly funny. And while the film remains pure popcorn fare, it does slip in some poignant statements on the nature of expectations and setting your own course. All said, this is a fun summer fantasy film and well worth your time.
Absolutely not this
Argonauts; Rated T for Action, Violence, some Horror Elements, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐
A Story of the Brothers Disney (2013)
For decades the Walt Disney Entertainment Company has been very careful in how they portray their founder and namesake Walt Disney. Much as Walt ironically became buried by his own public persona, so did the Disney company try for decades after his death to maintain the pure-as-fallen-snow Uncle Walt façade. In doing so, they managed to bury not just the human behind the iconic persona, but the critical contributions of his hard-working brother Roy, who built the studio with him, the grounded businessman who balanced the starry-eyed dreamer. In Wish Upon a Star, Walt Disney Productions brings us a much more candid tale of the Disney Brothers, with Tom Hanks and Paul Giamatti playing Walt and Roy, respectively. And in doing so, it makes us appreciate the two men all the more.
It’s a sincere and Capraesque movie at its heart, and a loving tribute to the two men as well as their wives and children, and yet it doesn’t shy away from their challenges, or try to whitewash their complex history. It follows the brothers’ lives together, from their shared challenges growing up in an abusive home, to their rise together in the nascent animation industry, to their momentous falling-out and their eventual reconciliation. We see all sides of the men. We see Walt drink and smoke and argue with his brother and lose patience with his nephew Roy E., and yet we also see his heartwarming moments with Roy E., building model trains together, and endearing moments with his own daughters. And we see Roy suppress his anger and swallow his pride as his younger brother essentially takes over the studio they founded together, and yet still works tirelessly to see his brother’s ridiculously optimistic visions successfully enacted.
Both Disney brothers are thus treated with nuance and respect, even as we see both sides of their core humanity, which ultimately makes the two far more relatable and endearing than any stylized, whitewashed portrayal ever could.
(Image source Slate)
Wish Upon a Star; Rated PG for mild Profanity, Alcohol and Tobacco Use, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐½
The Cowboy Cop gets Clobbered (2013)
You’ve likely forgotten about the 1986-1988 Alan Spencer ABC Cowboy Cop parody series Sledge Hammer! starring David Rasche and Anne-Marie Martin. Thankfully, Universal Pictures did not. With the ongoing blowback against the late 5th season excesses of the Detective Killian series, a series which reconstructed the old Dirty Harry and Death Wish cowboy cop tropes but devoid of any nuance or social commentary, the stage was set for the return of the series that skewered said tropes.
This comedic action film parody of the same name stars former WCW wrestler turned character actor Dave Bautista, whom you’ve likely known as “Tough Guy #2” or “Aggressive Prisoner” or may have barely recognized under his makeup as the monstrous cyclops in last year’s Jason and the Argonauts remake. Well, the big and blunt blusterer got his big break, and honestly, blew us away! For all of his Pro Wrestler bravado, Bautista has proven to have not just a good screen presence, but a natural sense of comedic timing and a just-buried layer of emotional depth that brings humanity to what easily could have been a one-note character in the titular Inspector Sledge Hammer.
As the name implies, Hammer is a blunt force tool who takes the tropes of the Cowboy Cop and dials them well past eleven. He’s a living, breathing mass of toxicity and insensitivity, violent, erratic, and quick to use the gun even when it’s wildly inappropriate. He’s the type of man who rescues the kitten from the tree using his literally beloved .44 Magnum, which he adoringly calls his “Amigo” (don’t worry, he shoots the limb, not the kitten!). He’s the type of man whose actions in fighting crime tend to cause far more destruction and chaos than they prevent. And on the subject of “Amigo”, which “sleeps” next to him on a silk pillow, his love for his gun borders on actual romance, with numerous Rom-Com tropes used to frame the man-Magnum relationship.
But equally shining is Rashida Jones as Hammer’s new partner and foil Detective Dori Doreau, who was forced upon him by Captain Trunk (Carl Weathers) in a seemingly futile effort to curb his destructive habits. She’s the latest in a long line of partners who, like Spinal Tap drummers, tend not to last long. As the straight woman and audience surrogate, she endeavors to curb not just his destructive habits, but his blatant sexism and misogyny, with results that are mixed to say the least. Either way, their on-screen chemistry makes for an enjoyable partnership that helps to make even the most deliberately cringeworthy excesses of Hammer into moments of hidden humanity. And Jones’ natural dry wit makes Doreau a standout character in her own right, transforming what could have been a moralistic role into one whose partnership with Hammer transforms them both.
All of this is framed by a deliberately formulaic plot to take over the city involving a corrupt mayor (William Shatner) scheming with a greedy real estate mogul (Alfred Molina) and the local crime boss (Steve Buscemi), all played to hammy, deliberately stereotypical excess. And director James Gunn brings the audience in on the joke, using the clichés of the genre and some epic needle drops as a framework upon which to build a fun and thrilling over-the-top action-comedy parody in the vein of Last Action Hero, yet a film also chock-a-block with the very same thrilling car chases and foot chases and quips and explosions and fist fights that made the Buddy Cop genre popular to begin with. Some scenes even lovingly quote the implausibly over-the-top action scenes from Bollywood action films.
Bollywood Action is the undisputed master of Crazy Awesome (Image source Tenor)
And yet what makes this film more than just a parody of Dirty Harry is its core of humanity. Rather than subconsciously revel in the problematic old tropes that it parodies, it viciously deconstructs them and uses them as a dark mirror against toxic, self-destructive behaviors, bigotry, and misogyny. And Bautista, an outspoken feminist, makes clear both on-screen and off that Hammer’s behavior is a problem to be fixed, not a virtue to be emulated.
In the end, Sledge Hammer! elevates the source material while paying due tribute to it, delves into some serious issues on toxicity and misogyny in a more than superficial way without getting “preachy”, and is a fun summer action-comedy popcorn film to boot.
This as a film starring Dave Bautista and Rashida Jones (Image source Just Watch)
Sledge Hammer! Rated T for over-the-top comedic Action, Profanity, and Adult Themes ⭐⭐⭐
A Tumultuous Time in our History (2014)
Numerous films have dealt with the American Civil War and others the dark era of Jim Crow. And yet few have meaningfully touched the transformational period in between beyond lazy “Carpetbagger” stereotypes. Reconstruction, a historical epic from Spike Lee and MGM that follows a former slave family and their former enslavers in Mississippi, does. Set in the 1870s under the presidency of Ulysses S. Grant, the tale follows newly freed slave Titus (Michael Clark Duncan) and his wife Belle (Viola Davis) as they deal with the aftermath of the war that set them free. Pulled between the twin poles of hope for the future as they try to dig out a living as sharecroppers on the estate of their former master Thaddeus Farquhar (a nuanced portrayal by John Larroquette) and fear for their lives as violence grows with the rise of the KKK (led by a frightening Michael Rooker), Titus and Belle act as our eyes and ears for this sadly forgotten yet pivotal period of American history. In them we see the hope for what might have been had Reconstruction succeeded in its aims and the tragedy of how it failed, and allowed for a century of oppression and violence. And in Reconstruction we finally have the film that we’ve needed for over a century. We can only hope that it spurs a larger discussion on what is to come.
Reconstruction; Rated R for Violence, Scenes of Rape and Torture, Racist Language, Nudity, Substance Use, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Warriors of Silicon Valley (2016)
The Dot-Com Bubble marked a disastrous beginning for the 2000s, and the subsequent Green Bubble of 2003 sent the nation into Recession. But what caused this mess? And are we heading down the same road? These are the questions that Gus Van Sant asks in Venture, a naturalistic look inside the world of Venture Capital and its effect on Stock Market speculation and asset bubbles inspired by the recent failure of several Silicon Valley banking institutions. Leo DiCaprio shines as a Venture Capitalist and Angel Investor who goes by the telling pseudonym Gabriel Archer, a fictionalized take on the many such investors whose high-risk investments fuel the growth of the Tech Industry. And as the recent banking crisis in the Silicon Valley attests, they have failed to learn from their past mistakes. Venture introduces us to Silicon Valley and other tech Hubs in the late 1990s, a world of greed, excess, sin, debauchery, and white-collar crime, and which plays out like a mafia movie, albeit one populated by Tech Bros and Accounting Nerds. It’s part exposé, part crime film, part exploration of human nature, and gives real insight into the often-opaque world of High-Tech Startups.
Like this, but for Silicon Valley rather than Wall Street (Image source E24)
Venture; Rated R for Profanity, Nudity, Sexuality, Substance Use, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐½
Doubling Toronto (2017)
At this point it’s an established cliché that every film, no matter where it is set, will be at least partially filmed in Toronto, Canada, even while almost no films are actually set there. Toronto native Mike Meyers apparently had enough of this and teamed with Parody Producers Trey Parker and Matt Stone to bring us the ironically named Filmed in Toronto, a screwball comedy about a recently divorced Toronto Film Board executive named Ian Soorie (Meyers) who acts as an intermediary for arranging location shoots in Toronto for major Hollywood producers and directors (a plethora of self-deprecating “as himself” cameos from Spielberg to Kathryn Bigelow to Stephen King to Ben Stiller), all the while struggling in his dysfunctional dating life, particularly once Magical Dragon Girlfriend parody Zoey McToque (Zooey Deschanel, naturally) enters his life.
But just to take things a step further, Meyers, Parker, and Stone deliberately never filmed a single minute of the film in Toronto or any adjacent city! In fact, they went out of their way to film on locations in New York, New Jersey, New Orleans, Miami, Seattle, Atlanta, and even California, with some scenes so blatantly not happening in Toronto that no attention needs to be drawn to the matter, such as scenes with visible palm trees or other cities’ famous landmarks. In one hilariously egregious example, the scene set at the CN Tower is clearly filmed in and around the Seattle Sky Needle. Canadian audiences, particularly Torontonians who constantly have to see their home city portrayed as somewhere else, will appreciate both the meta-joke and the numerous Canadian and Toronto references, from a visit to Tim Horton’s (actually a Duncan Donuts with awkwardly placed Horton’s signs), to a drive past the Indian shops of Gerrard Street (actually Edison, NJ), to a Chinatown that’s clearly San Francisco’s, to a ride on the TTC (actually the iconic San Francisco and New Orleans Streetcars, switching mid-scene in a deliberately jarring cut). Jokes about endless construction abound and there seems to be a racoon in every scene, for reasons that I assume Torontonians understand. They even extend the meta-joke to another oft-doubled Canadian city, with Ian’s business trip to Vancouver actually filmed in Miami[5].
A beauty of a day in Toronto, eh? (Image source iStock Photo)
This madness frames a warped, farcical comedy of errors and sexcapades that savagely slaughters all the tropes and clichés of Rom-Coms in a way that reminds one of early Woody Allen. The entire film industry, from virtue-signaling Hollywood Royalty to greedy meddling narcissistic studio executives to the shady business of “industry incentives”, are viciously mocked, but in over-the-top ways that only add to the madcap rather than distract from it (this film refuses to take itself seriously or ask you to). The results are a fun and delightfully frivolous bit of comedy entertainment that goes far beyond the central meta-concept and into something universally enjoyable, even if only Torontonians will get all the jokes (sorry).
Filmed in Toronto; Rated T for Profanity, Adult Situations, Substance Use, and Sexuality; ⭐⭐⭐½
A Stark Lesson in Physics and Humanity (2018)
Director Denis Villeneuve continues to make a name for himself as an auteur of Kubrickian proportions. And Relativity is no exception. Following Astronaut Andrew Bains (Jake Gyllenhaal) as he explores a black hole, knowing that he’s on a one-way journey that will take him forever away from his family but just might save the world, Relativity is a psychological drama which jumps between Bains’ mission and his dramatic past that leads up to it. A Postmodern exploration of time and relationships and memory, Relativity asks us hard questions about humanity and human nature, questions that appear lost on those nerdy internet detractors who just focus on why they didn’t send an unmanned probe (even though they explain why in the film). As much an experience as a movie, Relativity marks Villeneuve as a director to watch going forward.
(Image source The Express)
Relativity; Rated T for Intense Action, Profanity, Substance Use, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Del Toro does his Creature (2020)
Back in 1998 the world saw a catastrophe in Roland Emmerich’s Creature from the Black Lagoon, a remake so hated that it killed the Universal Monsters Renaissance singlehandedly. And yet studio intrigues, backstabbing producers, a troubled production of Apocalypse Now levels, and the infamy of Andy Dick led to a mindless monster film that paled to Peter Jackson's original treatment. Now, of course, after nearly a quarter century, Gill-man fans have been spoiled for choice - from Neill Blomkamp's take two years ago (based heavily on a retooled version of Peter Jackson's - who served as executive producer - original treatment) to this spiritual remake from Guillermo del Toro.
Del Toro, even as a child, found himself rooting for the unlikely romance between the Gill-man and Kay Lawrence in the 1954 original[6]. He spent much of his career trying to take this unorthodox approach to the big screen, and the fact that he succeeded is a testament to his love for the central story. It’s also a subtle expose on the nature of race coding in horror films, and a not-so-subtle deconstruction of them as del Toro places them right out in the open, resulting in a tale about prejudice, forbidden love, and discrimination. And the result is breathtaking, an exploration of love and sensuality that can’t be described, only experienced.
Black Lagoon; Rated T for Violence, Profanity, Adult Themes, and Sexuality; ⭐⭐⭐½
Bent Crude (2022)
The transition from the Fossil Fuel Economy to a Green Economy has been messy, and will likely continue to be so for at least another decade. Caught in the middle of all this are the Roughnecks who work the oceanic drilling platforms, a dangerous and thankless job that none-the-less remains necessary to keep the transportation infrastructure that feeds us going[7]. And Tar, which follows Chris Cooper’s Johnny Brandt and his roughneck crew, takes a hard-nosed look at the job, the people who perform it, its dangers, and its corporate politics. Even the most dedicated Environmentalist is likely to take a new and sympathetic look at the roughnecks after seeing this film.
Tar; Rated R for Violence, Profanity, Sexuality, Nudity, and Substance Use; ⭐⭐⭐
In Brief:
- Birdemic: (2010) Wiseau Productions brings us this frightening thriller about a strain of common avian flu that proves highly-transmissible and deadly to humans; ⭐⭐⭐
- Holcomb: (2010) A stunning drama about a recent widower starring Tom Hanks; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- By the Book: (2011) A rather forgettable buddy comedy film with Tupac and Cobain as a cop and a priest, respectively; ⭐⭐
- Money Ball: (2011) A by-the-numbers crime thriller; ⭐⭐
- Fat Lady: (2012) Melissa McCarthy stars in this Hyperion comedy about a con artist who hides from the cops by impersonating a famous operatic soprano. It ain’t over until…you know; ⭐⭐½
- Sirens: (2012) A surprisingly engaging Fantasia creature feature that will make you rethink mermaids; ⭐⭐⭐
- The Joke Gets Old: (2012) Tommy Wiseau’s last film before his arrest for embezzlement and money laundering, this tale of a struggling alcoholic stand-up comedian starring Steve Carell, Amy Sedaris, and Steven Colbert is heartfelt and true; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Quantum Mechanics: (2013) An unabashedly nerdy romantic comedy about the awkward love between a particle physicist and a car mechanic, produced by Jeri Ellsworth; ⭐⭐⭐½
- Bad Mother Trucker: (2013) A recently-divorced mother of three (Tina Fey) takes a job driving a Big Rig; ⭐⭐⭐
- American Hustle: (2013) A raunchy, low-brow, modern day exploitation film; ⭐
- Transformers: The Rise of Unicron: (2014) The Transformers take to space in this visual and emotional feast; director Genndy Tartakovsky shines; ⭐⭐⭐
- Vicariously: (2014) A wicked and twisting sex comedy; ⭐⭐⭐
- Consequences: (2014) A suburban father (Robert Carradine) with a college-age daughter is forced to confront the consequences of his own sex crimes while in college in the 1980s; ⭐⭐⭐½
- Birdman: (2015) Columbia releases a comedically campy film and superhero parody directed by James Gunn and starring Dave Bautista as the Hanna-Barbera avian superhero; ⭐⭐⭐
- Give ‘Em Hell: (2015) A delightful Harry Truman biopic starring Bryan Cranston; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Moonlight: (2016) A mindless blood-and-gore werewolf film; ⭐½
- Lockup: (2016) Tupac Shakur stars in this story of the abuses at a for-profit prison; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Oscar Goldman: (2016) Parker and Stone produce this satire of “Oscar Bait” films following holocaust orphan Oscar Goldman as he loses his beloved dog to rabies, helps his special needs brother, comes to terms with his closeted homosexuality, and helps inner-city school kids excel, complete with several over-the-top original Oscar Bait songs by Celine Dion, Sir Elton John, Sir Freddie Mercury[8], and someone pretending to be Barbara Streisand; ⭐⭐
- Where the Sun Don’t Shine: (2017) A Smart Slasher following a vampire in Alaska; ⭐⭐⭐
- Ned or Alive: (2017) A awkward divorcee (Jason Sudekis) gets mistaken for a dangerous wanted fugitive.;⭐⭐
- Vice: (2018) A priest deals with his secret life of sin and addiction; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Walk This Way: (2019) Jonah Hill brings us this tale of two young geeks who find common ground in Mel Brooks films; ⭐⭐⭐
- Savage: (2019) Director/Writer/Producer Genndy Tartakovsky brings us a visceral, atmospheric tale set after the end of the world starring Dave Bautista in a rare non-comedic role as the unnamed titular “Savage”; ⭐⭐⭐½
- Running Out of Ideas: (2020) Another Full Meta film by Charlie Kaufman about a man struggling to write the screenplay for the film that is his life; ⭐⭐⭐
- Just Filler at This Point: (2021) A struggling author juggles a budding romance, a would-be writing career, and a day job; ⭐⭐
- Out of Time: (2022) A visually stunning Science Fiction Drama starring Mathew McConaughey; ⭐⭐⭐½
- Reaching the End: (2022) A widower (Steve Carell) comes to terms with a cancer diagnosis; ⭐⭐⭐½
- Game Over, Man: (2023) A Jeri Ellsworth documentary on the Great Video Game Crash of 1983; ⭐⭐⭐
- One Last Troll: (2023) The newly-freed Tommy Wiseau gives us one last foray into the world of The Troll, just for TEH LULZ; ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
[1] The Series was technically set in San Francisco, but mostly filmed in LA. And since SF wanted nothing to do with the series or its representation of its officers, the city went unnamed through its run. Gunn just makes it LA.
[2] The Punk will appear again, in a wheel chair with a massive head bandage, launching an excessive force lawsuit.
[3] An expository driving montage through the streets of LA as Sledge Hammer narrates in voiceover. “The City of Angels. Ha! More like the City of…you know, the horny little red dudes.”
[4] As he did with Jurassic park, Burton will release a Special Edition with stop-mo special effects and remastered color to give it a 1960s Eastmancolor look.
[5] Hat tip to @Plateosaurus for the deep-cut Toronto references.
[6] Given the “near miss” of the 1997 film and the fact that del Toro had literally been sitting on the idea since childhood (predates the Point of Departure by over a decade), a second-order butterfly seemed very likely. Also, fragrant fan service and a call back to one of the more popular Guest Posts. Charles Dance will return as the much more nuanced antagonist and Lena Headley will even play the female protagonist’s mother, and call the film experience “cathartic”. You’re welcome.
[7] Even with an earlier beginning of a transition to electric vehicles, certain vehicles like aircraft, heavy trucks, and container ships will still need to depend on petroleum-based fuels for an extended transition period.
[8] Mercury’s satirical “Smash the Glass Door”, which mercilessly slaughters the musical tropes of sappy Oscar bait songs, will ironically win the 2016 Best Original Song Oscar.
Last edited:
BTW, @Geekhis Khan, it was Peter Jackson who wrote the original treatment, not Guillermo del Toro (also, it came out in '98). However, in retrospect, I am kicking myself that I didn't use del Toro.
I also had an idea for a 2018 film that did something rather different with it - it was directed by Neill Blomkamp and exec-produced by Peter Jackson. However, why can't two takes coexist? They did it with the Joker OTL (back when Leto was actually going to be a big player), right?
I was just breezing over this post until I spotted Filmed in Toronto and recognized a classic.
Amusingly, and assuming Meyers could swing the budget, they could film a scene where Soorie has to take a quick trip to England (for studio contract negotiations, perhaps) and then film on location from inside an actual Tim Hortons, as it's one of the few countries where the brand has expanded to.
How's that for a brain-twister?
Amusingly, and assuming Meyers could swing the budget, they could film a scene where Soorie has to take a quick trip to England (for studio contract negotiations, perhaps) and then film on location from inside an actual Tim Hortons, as it's one of the few countries where the brand has expanded to.
How's that for a brain-twister?
Having beloved actor Tom Hanks play beloved entertainer Walt Disney in the biopic makes too much senseA Story of the Brothers Disney (2013)
For decades the Walt Disney Entertainment Company has been very careful in how they portray their founder and namesake Walt Disney. Much as Walt ironically became buried by his own public persona, so did the Disney company try for decades after his death to maintain the pure-as-fallen-snow Uncle Walt façade. In doing so, they managed to bury not just the human behind the iconic persona, but the critical contributions of his hard-working brother Roy, who built the studio with him, the grounded businessman who balanced the starry-eyed dreamer. In Wish Upon a Star, Walt Disney Productions brings us a much more candid tale of the Disney Brothers, with Tom Hanks and Paul Giamatti playing Walt and Roy, respectively. And in doing so, it makes us appreciate the two men all the more.
It’s a sincere and Capraesque movie at its heart, and a loving tribute to the two men as well as their wives and children, and yet it doesn’t shy away from their challenges, or try to whitewash their complex history. It follows the brothers’ lives together, from their shared challenges growing up in an abusive home, to their rise together in the nascent animation industry, to their momentous falling-out and their eventual reconciliation. We see all sides of the men. We see Walt drink and smoke and argue with his brother and lose patience with his nephew Roy E., and yet we also see his heartwarming moments with Roy E., building model trains together, and endearing moments with his own daughters. And we see Roy suppress his anger and swallow his pride as his younger brother essentially takes over the studio they founded together, and yet still works tirelessly to see his brother’s ridiculously optimistic visions successfully enacted.
Both Disney brothers are thus treated with nuance and respect, even as we see both sides of their core humanity, which ultimately makes the two far more relatable and endearing than any stylized, whitewashed portrayal ever could.
(Image source Slate)
Wish Upon a Star; Rated PG for mild Profanity, Alcohol and Tobacco Use, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐½
Agreed. He has the same warmth and joviality that I’d imagine that the real Walt Disney had.
That opening looked gorgeous on paper alone. Or I guess, typography.
Even more warranted today than it would be in 2010.New York Times Short Movie Reviews, 2010-Present
Social Networks (2010)
The rise of Social Media platforms like Lilypad and E-Community have ironically made us more interconnected, and yet less personally connected as we stare at our computers all day. And Nokia’s new Intelephones are only going to accelerate these trends. Creator Mike Judge has seen enough, and thus brings us Connected, a brutal deconstructive parody of the industry and technology though the fictional company of Facetime. Partnering with Whoopass Studios and Hyperion Pictures, Connected follows company CEO Zack Lundberg (Zach Galifianakis) from his days as a Dorm Rat at the South Hampton Institute of Technology (better known by its acronym, naturally) through his corporate rise and increasingly ironic disconnection to his employees and friends. A twisting psychological comedy and satire of the Internet Age, Connected reminds us, in the funniest way possible, that it’s the human connections that we make, not the technological toys or fortunes that we acquire, that make us rich and connected.
+
Connected; Rated T for Profanity, Adult Situations, and Substance Use; ⭐⭐⭐
If anyone would have faithfully recreated Ray Harryhausen's techniques, it would be someone as insane as Tim Burton.A Salute to Harryhausen (2012)
Skeleton Crew Productions Chairman and CEO Tim Burton has long been a fan of Special Effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen. And his latest film, Argonauts, a brilliant remake of the Harryhausen classic Jason and the Argonauts, is living, loving proof. Closely following the events and much of the dialog of the 1963 classic, Argonauts, starring Jason Momoa as Jason and Olivia Wilde as Medea, reenacts many of the classic scenes, from the Hydra to the cyclops to the Skeleton Warriors, using modern effects, the latter done through a combination of visual motion capture and digital pantomime that lend real weight and realism to the fight[4]. And yet the framing and motion of the effects deliberately hearken back to Harryhausen’s original in clear homage (Harryhausen was apparently consulted, appears as an extra, and was at the debut). Burton’s signature style is all over the film as well, while Ivan Raimi’s dialog gives everything a touch of self-reverential camp that is endearing rather than distracting, evoking the original dialog without either aping it or mocking it. Momoa manages to exude a strong, masculine confidence while remaining vulnerable and human, and is at times surprisingly funny. And while the film remains pure popcorn fare, it does slip in some poignant statements on the nature of expectations and setting your own course. All said, this is a fun summer fantasy film and well worth your time.
Absolutely not this
Argonauts; Rated T for Action, Violence, some Horror Elements, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐
Oh, this is PERFECT! And another sign of Jim Henson's legacy within the studio walls if this can get greenlit and made as it currently stands.A Story of the Brothers Disney (2013)
For decades the Walt Disney Entertainment Company has been very careful in how they portray their founder and namesake Walt Disney. Much as Walt ironically became buried by his own public persona, so did the Disney company try for decades after his death to maintain the pure-as-fallen-snow Uncle Walt façade. In doing so, they managed to bury not just the human behind the iconic persona, but the critical contributions of his hard-working brother Roy, who built the studio with him, the grounded businessman who balanced the starry-eyed dreamer. In Wish Upon a Star, Walt Disney Productions brings us a much more candid tale of the Disney Brothers, with Tom Hanks and Paul Giamatti playing Walt and Roy, respectively. And in doing so, it makes us appreciate the two men all the more.
It’s a sincere and Capraesque movie at its heart, and a loving tribute to the two men as well as their wives and children, and yet it doesn’t shy away from their challenges, or try to whitewash their complex history. It follows the brothers’ lives together, from their shared challenges growing up in an abusive home, to their rise together in the nascent animation industry, to their momentous falling-out and their eventual reconciliation. We see all sides of the men. We see Walt drink and smoke and argue with his brother and lose patience with his nephew Roy E., and yet we also see his heartwarming moments with Roy E., building model trains together, and endearing moments with his own daughters. And we see Roy suppress his anger and swallow his pride as his younger brother essentially takes over the studio they founded together, and yet still works tirelessly to see his brother’s ridiculously optimistic visions successfully enacted.
Both Disney brothers are thus treated with nuance and respect, even as we see both sides of their core humanity, which ultimately makes the two far more relatable and endearing than any stylized, whitewashed portrayal ever could.
(Image source Slate)
Wish Upon a Star; Rated PG for mild Profanity, Alcohol and Tobacco Use, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐½
Dave Bautista as Sledge Hammer. You have my attention AND my wallet.The Cowboy Cop gets Clobbered (2013)
You’ve likely forgotten about the 1986-1988 Alan Spencer ABC Cowboy Cop parody series Sledge Hammer! starring David Rasche and Anne-Marie Martin. Thankfully, Universal Pictures did not. With the ongoing blowback against the late 5th season excesses of the Detective Killian series, a series which reconstructed the old Dirty Harry and Death Wish cowboy cop tropes but devoid of any nuance or social commentary, the stage was set for the return of the series that skewered said tropes.
This comedic action film parody of the same name stars former WCW wrestler turned character actor Dave Bautista, whom you’ve likely known as “Tough Guy #2” or “Aggressive Prisoner” or may have barely recognized under his makeup as the monstrous cyclops in last year’s Jason and the Argonauts remake. Well, the big and blunt blusterer got his big break, and honestly, blew us away! For all of his Pro Wrestler bravado, Bautista has proven to have not just a good screen presence, but a natural sense of comedic timing and a just-buried layer of emotional depth that brings humanity to what easily could have been a one-note character in the titular Inspector Sledge Hammer.
As the name implies, Hammer is a blunt force tool who takes the tropes of the Cowboy Cop and dials them well past eleven. He’s a living, breathing mass of toxicity and insensitivity, violent, erratic, and quick to use the gun even when it’s wildly inappropriate. He’s the type of man who rescues the kitten from the tree using his literally beloved .44 Magnum, which he adoringly calls his “Amigo” (don’t worry, he shoots the limb, not the kitten!). He’s the type of man whose actions in fighting crime tend to cause far more destruction and chaos than they prevent. And on the subject of “Amigo”, which “sleeps” next to him on a silk pillow, his love for his gun borders on actual romance, with numerous Rom-Com tropes used to frame the man-Magnum relationship.
But equally shining is Rashida Jones as Hammer’s new partner and foil Detective Dori Doreau, who was forced upon him by Captain Trunk (Carl Weathers) in a seemingly futile effort to curb his destructive habits. She’s the latest in a long line of partners who, like Spinal Tap drummers, tend not to last long. As the straight woman and audience surrogate, she endeavors to curb not just his destructive habits, but his blatant sexism and misogyny, with results that are mixed to say the least. Either way, their on-screen chemistry makes for an enjoyable partnership that helps to make even the most deliberately cringeworthy excesses of Hammer into moments of hidden humanity. And Jones’ natural dry wit makes Doreau a standout character in her own right, transforming what could have been a moralistic role into one whose partnership with Hammer transforms them both.
All of this is framed by a deliberately formulaic plot to take over the city involving a corrupt mayor (William Shatner) scheming with a greedy real estate mogul (Alfred Molina) and the local crime boss (Steve Buscemi), all played to hammy, deliberately stereotypical excess. And director James Gunn brings the audience in on the joke, using the clichés of the genre and some epic needle drops as a framework upon which to build a fun and thrilling over-the-top action-comedy parody in the vein of Last Action Hero, yet a film also chock-a-block with the very same thrilling car chases and foot chases and quips and explosions and fist fights that made the Buddy Cop genre popular to begin with. Some scenes even lovingly quote the implausibly over-the-top action scenes from Bollywood action films.
Bollywood Action is the undisputed master of Crazy Awesome (Image source Tenor)
And yet what makes this film more than just a parody of Dirty Harry is its core of humanity. Rather than subconsciously revel in the problematic old tropes that it parodies, it viciously deconstructs them and uses them as a dark mirror against toxic, self-destructive behaviors, bigotry, and misogyny. And Bautista, an outspoken feminist, makes clear both on-screen and off that Hammer’s behavior is a problem to be fixed, not a virtue to be emulated.
In the end, Sledge Hammer! elevates the source material while paying due tribute to it, delves into some serious issues on toxicity and misogyny in a more than superficial way without getting “preachy”, and is a fun summer action-comedy popcorn film to boot.
This as a film starring Dave Bautista and Rashida Jones (Image source Just Watch)
Sledge Hammer! Rated T for over-the-top comedic Action, Profanity, and Adult Themes ⭐⭐⭐
This has been a long time coming for monster fans and monster f***ers alike.Del Toro does his Creature (2020)
Back in 1998 the world saw a catastrophe in Roland Emmerich’s Creature from the Black Lagoon, a remake so hated that it killed the Universal Monsters Renaissance singlehandedly. And yet studio intrigues, backstabbing producers, a troubled production of Apocalypse Now levels, and the infamy of Andy Dick led to a mindless monster film that paled to Peter Jackson's original treatment. Now, of course, after nearly a quarter century, Gill-man fans have been spoiled for choice - from Neill Blomkamp's take two years ago (based heavily on a retooled version of Peter Jackson's - who served as executive producer - original treatment) to this spiritual remake from Guillermo del Toro.
Del Toro, even as a child, found himself rooting for the unlikely romance between the Gill-man and Kay Lawrence in the 1954 original[6]. He spent much of his career trying to take this unorthodox approach to the big screen, and the fact that he succeeded is a testament to his love for the central story. It’s also a subtle expose on the nature of race coding in horror films, and a not-so-subtle deconstruction of them as del Toro places them right out in the open, resulting in a tale about prejudice, forbidden love, and discrimination. And the result is breathtaking, an exploration of love and sensuality that can’t be described, only experienced.
Black Lagoon; Rated T for Violence, Profanity, Adult Themes, and Sexuality; ⭐⭐⭐½
And thus, all those who expected a good film from the title alone IOTL are vindicated with this one-sentence passage.
I'd imagine people would be comparing this to Sister Act.
Odd how a Disney division would distribute this movie, but that oddness goes away after a while.
I am somehow not surprised that's what Tommy is done in for. But hey, at least this movie can teach him what not to do after prison.
And the jokes just write themselves, don't they?
The worst part is, I can see this movie being successful in our timeline.
A member of the Whoopass Group directing for Walt Disney Entertainment, and being the best guy to carry the Transformers past its valleys of production history. Heck. Yes.
Of all the "generation gap" type of movies, this has the most enriching premise in that genre.
How the OTL movie doesn't actually involve the 1960s Birdman in any capacity, I will never know. But this? This more than makes up for that.
I guess you liked La La Land more, huh?
Sounds like a Parker and Stone production to me. As for how the orphan kicks the bucket, I wouldn't put it past them to set out a trap with literal "Oscar Bait" out.
A vampire in Alaska. Yeah, I can see that premise working even without the Smart Slasher genre.
Eh, I'd skip this one.
How touching.
Not that bad of a premise. I'd think we should get Aerosmith to do some music here, though.
Basically, take the Primal animated series, and flip the chronological setting on its head. SOLD!
Have you ever thought of making your own Rocky and Bullwinkle reboot? Because don't think I didn't see this chain of events for what it really is, pal.
With that said, a Full Meta film about filming an autobiography, a documentary of the 1983 Gaming Crash, and a finale to Tommy Wiseau's theatrical career is just what I'd picture this final bookend on movie reviews to cap off with. I salute thee!
Pretty much. White people flocking to see a hip hop Broadway musical about America's first treasury secretary? Sometimes OTL is ASB AF.
Classic.
I can see that. Have it filmed in Montreal with people speaking French in the background. The only scene filmed in Canada.
He played Walt OTL in Saving Mr. Banks, which was unfortunately been accused of revisionism and being a smear piece on PL Travers.
Pretty much the case.
Pretty much the inspiration. Hollywood likes to recycle concepts.
Nothing against OTL Moonlight. Just having allo-ironic fun. If Birdemic can be a successful pandemic film then Moonlight can be a mindless dumb slasher.
Seems the natural needle drop.
Did you catch all the others, though? Hint: Wiseau has one all of his own spread across multiple posts.
I mean, Saving Mr. Banks was made in a timeline where Disney kept focusing on the public image of Walt, rather than the real person, to the point where they rarely even mention him at all. Wish Upon A Star, in that regard, is a MUCH better documentary on its founder, because it focuses on a lot more than the production history of one movie.
(sigh) Yep...
True, but Fat Lady would probably be seen as the poor man's Sister Act. I might have to agree with that opinion, unfortunately.
I can't argue with that logic.
Yep.
Admittedly, I did not. I never truly cared for the miscellaneous annual reviews category, but I still want to be extra congratulatory in the epilogue state.
Oh no, I mean the joke is that they could film on location in England and have the only real Timmies in the movie.
The Circle is Now Complete...
Recalling the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (2014-2018)
From In Brief Wiki Netsite; last updated January 17, 2023
The long-awaited Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, or Episodes VII-IX, debuted between 2014 and 2018. Wildly successful commercially and receiving mostly positive reviews, the trilogy, like the Prequel Trilogy, garners continued controversy among the fandom.
Characters:
Production:
Lucasfilm[1], after a long debate, put the Sequel Trilogy into production in the mid-2000s. George Lucas, combining elements from the quasi-canonical (“T Canon”) Shadows of the Empire animated series[2] from the late 1980s along with some earlier but abandoned ideas for a Sequel Trilogy championed by former Star Wars producer Gary Kurtz, crafted a story of “what came next” for the Galaxy Far Far Away.
“I didn’t want to just make an epilogue,” said Lucas in an interview, “but I also didn’t just want to make another Palpatine or hand waive away his death. So I made it about the lingering evil from Palpatine’s legacy, both literally and figuratively.”
Lucas chose the arc theme of “Healing” to frame the trilogy, much as “Hope” and “Fear” had framed the Original and Prequel Trilogies, respectively. This can be seen in how the New Republic seeks to “heal” the rift in the galaxy left by the Star Wars, Luke and Leia’s attempts to heal from their trauma related to the loss of their loved ones, and central character Nelith Qir’s attempts to heal from her traumatic childhood, among others. Other themes included temptation, seduction to evil, hope vs. fear, love vs. hate, recovery, and of course the omnipresent Star Wars theme of the natural vs. the mechanical.
Like the original 6 “Episodes”, the Sequels would follow a modified Chiastic or Ring Structure, but since only three films were planned, it was decided to complete the full six-film “ring” in just three films, a “circle within a circle”. As such, where Episodes I-VI followed (or at least attempted to follow) a structure of ABCC’B’A’, Episodes VII-IX would follow the same structure, but in half as many Episodes. This led to a structure of AB CC’ B’A’ where Episode VII would most closely track to Episodes I and II, Episode VIII would track to Episodes III and IV, and Episode IX would track Episodes V and VI.
Numerous location shots were filmed, though most footage was filmed on sound stages using “Green Screen” effects. Lucas pushed for heavy use of bleeding edge effects, and nearly all of the ships, many of the creatures and Clones, and even background humans are all fully CG. All three films were recorded entirely using digital cameras and no filmstock or masters exist.[3]
Episode VII: A Whisper of Fear:
Released: Winter 2014
Director: Joss Whedon
Ring Concept: A à B
Synopsis:
The Jedi Knight Halixiana travels to the planet Kessel with Senator Valorem on behalf of Chancellor Mothma to deal with a miner’s union dispute, and we get insights into the New Republic as they talk. But it’s a trap by the Hutt syndicate, a plan to seize the critical spice mines at Kessel, and Halixiana is forced to fight her way out after Senator Valorem is ambushed and murdered. She ultimately defeats the Hutt forces and puts down the attempted power-grab, and in the process manages to discover a force-sensitive orphan child named Nelith Qir among the workers, who are discovered to be slaves in open violation of Republic law.
They return to Had Abbadon. While Halixiana meets with Lando to discuss the “disturbing rise” in criminality in the Galaxy, Nelith is taken to the New Jedi Academy on Had Abbadon and placed under the tutelage of Queen Leia and Master Prana, though Leia senses darkness in the child. Han is Leia’s husband and is the head of the Republic Navy (and still flying the aging Millennium Falcon as his command ship; “you still fly that old thing?”) while Leia co-runs the Academy with Luke and Prana and represents the partially-terraformed planet of New Alderaan in the Senate. But the young Nelith, sneaking around after curfew, witnesses Grand Master Luke in an argument with Leia and Han (“You can’t blame yourself for that, Luke”). Luke leaves the Academy under mysterious circumstances, rumored to be tragic, which nobody will talk about.
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(Image source Polygon)
Fast-forward a few years. Luke remains missing and has closed himself off from contact through the force. We learn that the ways of the New Academy are notably different, more compassionate, and less dogmatic and hierarchical than the Old Jedi Temple we saw in Ep. I. Nelith is now a powerful young Padawan, but dark dreams enter her head and dark visions play out in her mind, hearing an evil laughter echoing in her head as she sleeps or meditates, though she tells no one for fear of being rejected from the Academy. She clearly has a budding romantic tension with Jacen Solo, Han and Leia’s son and a young Jedi Knight.
She and her friends finally learn from Jacen that Grand Master Luke left after the fall of his son Ben Skywalker to the Dark Side. Ben experienced similar dark dreams and voices as Nelith, and in the end reportedly killed his own mother in a fit of blind rage. Jacen is clearly still traumatized by this, as Ben was his best friend. After years of struggle to sort out her troubles and the dark voices in her head, Nelith decides to leave the Academy with a fellow Padawan friend and unrequited love interest named Basquali Belip to find Luke, hacking the Jedi Archives with the aid of RS-4, a “masterless droid” she’d befriended, to track his movements to the old Jedi “home world” of Jeda, hoping that he can help her.
Meanwhile, Leia and Han and the twins Jaina and Jacen deal with the rise of a Neo-Imperial force under Grand Admiral Thrawn, resulting in a large battle where they destroy a capital ship, and thus end the Neo-Imperial invasion attempt, but at great cost. There is an appearance by Bogana Mal’qi as “the last of the Sith”, previously assumed to have been killed by Prana, and who has recruited more Neo-Sith Apprentices, including a masked Sith Apprentice named Vangar Tor who engages and tries to tempt Jacen to the Dark Side, poking at his fears and inadequacies. Han, Leia, Jacen, and Jaina learn from a captured Imperial Officer of a gathering force in “Nova Atha”, a space station orbiting a Brown Dwarf. Leia senses that there is something amiss, but has to stay on Had Abbadon to deal with political intrigues from a small group of Senators who appear to harbor Imperial nostalgia.
(Image source Vanity Fair)
On Jeda, Luke, who is bitter after his own son was seduced to dark side and killed Mara Jade, rejects Nelith and Basquali in a rhyme with Mace Windu’s reluctance with Anniken and Yoda’s reluctance with him (“You’re too old”). Finally, after an ongoing cycle of rejection where Luke ultimately admits to his failings with Ben[4] and his own culpability (“In my fear and arrogance I cast Ben away. Mara’s death is as much on my hands as Ben’s.”), he accepts her and Basquali and trains them in a rhyme with Yoda. In doing so he ultimately re-finds himself in the process, particularly after he is visited by Yoda’s Force Ghost, who admits to his own failings with both Anniken and Luke.
Along the way we (via Nelith and Basquali) learn more about the Ancient Ones as the “Disciples of the Whills” and how they betrayed the trust of the Whills and broke with the Will of the Force, dabbling in corruption and raw selfish power. In doing so they “fractured” the Force and created the Dark Side, unleashing an “Imbalance”. The Jedi thus formed from a rebellious faction of the Ancient Ones who took shelter on Jeda, vowing to battle the unbalance. They succeeded in ultimately overthrowing the Ancient Ones, but the Sith rose from the Ancient One’s ashes, fully dedicated to the Dark Side and parasitically gaining power from the Imbalance. That Imbalance, which Luke assumed was purged with the death of Palpatine and redemption of Anniken Skywalker, has lingered, and is manifesting in the “Darkness” that both Ben and Nelith have been contacted by, a darkness that Luke admits “feels familiar”.
They have a big violent dreamlike and Bardo-like encounter when trying to purge Nelith of the Darkness (psychic battles with phantoms of the Dark Side that result in a massive storm and the collapse of the Temple) where Nelith has a vision about Han and the twins being in danger. Luke recalls the Jedi’s failure with Anniken and his own experiences with Yoda and Obi-Wan on Dagobah and freely releases her and Basquali to rescue Han & Leia (“Follow your instincts, and may the Force be with you”). Luke, however, will stay on Jeda where the Force is strong, hoping to discern the full nature of, and thus how to defeat, the lingering Darkness.
Meanwhile, Han, Chewy, and the twins arrive on Nova Atha, which is run by an Atha Prime clone who has uploaded the original Atha’s memories, and discover a new clone army. The masked Sith Vangar Tor appears, leading the clone force, and reveals himself to Jacen to be Ben Skywalker. Ben tells his old friend Jacen that, no, he did not kill his mother, Mara. She was instead killed by Luke himself! Jacen, who we now discover hears the dark whispers himself, now blames Luke and the New Jedi for what happened to his close friend Ben, and he thus betrays his family and the Jedi, killing his own father Han while Jaina, Threpio, and Chewy are captured by Ben. Nelith, on the way to the rescue, feels the death of Han thanks to her personal attachment for Jacen.[5]
(Image source Inverse.com)
Nelith and Basquali arrive on New Atha in a set piece rhyming both the Atha fight in Ep. II and Cloud City in Ep. V. Nelith battles Ben (who tempts her to the Dark Side, sensing that she “hears the sick laughter of the galaxy” as well) while Basquali frees Jaina and Chewy and is then confronted by Jacen, whose light saber flickers with red as he grapples with the Dark Side. The heroes are overwhelmed by might and numbers (Jacen loses a hand), but they manage to escape. They return to Had Abbadon and warn all of the return of the Sith and betrayals of Ben and Jacen, and settle into a bittersweet moment, having lost Han and (in another way) Jacen.
Episode VIII: Duel of the Fates:
Released: Winter 2016
Director: Jon Favreau
Ring Concept: C à C’
Synopsis:
On Nova Atha, circling an ominous brown dwarf, Atha Prime, Admiral Thrawn, and Bogana Mal’qi assemble a Clone Army, a massive force that they plan to send against the unprepared Republic, hoping to take advantage of its loss of General Solo. Lando has taken over as the High Commander, and the Neo-Imperial forces believe that he will not be able to fill Han’s boots. Thrawn also mentions an “inside ally”. They have planned a six-pronged offensive that Thrawn believes will overwhelm and occupy the Republic defenses enough to allow for “the master stroke”. Atha Prima also has a special Cloning Pod under close guard, one that he says will be his “greatest creation yet”.
(Image source Star Wars News net)
Back on Had Abbadon, a mournful but determined Leia is working with Lando to prepare for the coming battle (C-3PO on hand for comment). She contacts Luke, still on Jeda, via the Force, who assures her that he will do all that he can to recover Jacen, though he fears that Ben is lost. Leia also begs Luke to join them, but Luke, exhausted of war and not yet ready to face his son, further investigates the nature of the dark dreams that plagued Ben, Jacen, and Nelith. “It is so familiar that I can taste it.”
Nelith, meanwhile, physically returns with Basquali to Luke on Jeda for some final training and an official “hand off of the sword” moment. After some time and probing questions by a surprisingly forceful Basquali, Luke admits that Mara’s death was an accident when she tried to get between Luke and Ben during their confrontation, though he maintains that it was Ben’s sword which struck her down, not his. They agree to work together to try and save not just Jacen, but Ben.
But Nelith is alerted through the force by Leia that a large Neo Imperial force is attacking on multiple fronts, and that she is needed to help defend the Republic. She and Basquali leave while Luke again refuses the call.
(Image source Business Insider)
We then wipe to a massive, multi-front battle as various Jedi and Heroes (including Lando’s daughter Zelandra, Admiral Ackbar, and his son Mastav) lead forces to meet the Neo-imperial forces. It cycles through several battles that leave the Republic at a disadvantage. Lando, meanwhile, has to deploy the small reserve force to meet a surprise attack on Had Abbadon led by Jacen Solo (“The other battles were a distraction!”). Lando is then betrayed by his protégé Commodore Gurian Dairn in a mirror of his own actions in Ep. V and the central government on Had Abbadon is seized in a coup led by the Imperial Sympathizers in the Senate and the Republic Army. Mon Mothma and several loyalist Senators put up a good fight, but are overwhelmed and die honorably.
Jacen then leads a force of Sith Apprentices and Storm Troopers that destroys the Jedi Academy, killing many Jedi and losing many Sith in the process, but Master Prana sacrifices herself so that the Younglings can escape, taking out several Sith in the process. The fall of Had Abbadon demoralizes the battered Republic Forces, who retreat and regroup at New Alderaan.
The Neo-Imperial forces now descend upon Had Abbadon, where we learn from Bogana that the Darkness in the various young Jedi’s heads is in fact the “Tempest in the Force left behind by Sidious Morg” and the other Sith Masters (a sort of Dark Side counterpoint to a Force Ghost, more tortured remains of a damned soul than immortal life). Atha Prime has created a Clone of Palpatine to use as vessel for this Dark Tempest, which will then resume his place as Emperor, but Bogana betrays and murders Atha Prime during the “procedure”, destroys the Palpatine Clone, and instead pulls the dark energies of the Tempest into herself, claiming the full powers of a Sith Master, and through it the Imperial Throne, for herself. But we quickly learn that Bogana’s stolen power is unstable, and she’s having a hard time controlling it. Already she seems to age and putrefy from the power within.
All Hail Empress Mal’Qi! (Image source Dork Side of the Force)
Luke soon senses this reemergence of a Sith Master and returns from exile, duty-bound to defeat her. Sending Nelith and Leia a message through the Force, he travels alone to Had Abbadon and turns himself in. In the Imperial Throne Room, he verbally confronts Ben and Jacen, who serve as Empress Bogana’s left and right hand, and apologizes to them for his failings. Bogana orders Ben to kill his father, but Ben hesitates, so she assaults him with Force Lightning. Luke never hesitates and steps in to take the full brunt of her powers, ultimately making a self-sacrifice to save his son (“I will never let you die, my son.”). Ben, broken from the spell by his father’s sacrifice, leaps off of the balcony and escapes, Jacen in pursuit. Ben is discovered and rescued by a recently escaped Lando (rescued in turn by his daughter Zelandra, who was sent by Leia), and escapes with them into the night on a hover car.
Leia is now visited by Luke’s Force Ghost, who tells her that Ben is “safe”, but regrets that he was not yet able to save Jacen. The film ends on a dark note with Bogana as Empress and the New Republic on the back foot, assembling their forces for the next phase. Queen Leia and Luke’s Force Ghost end the film staring out at the terraforming New Alderaan in a reflection of Ep. V.
Episode IX: The Will of the Force:
Released: Winter 2018
Director: Ernest Dickerson
Ring Concept: B’ à A’
Synopsis:
(Image source Slashfilm)
Leia, meanwhile, is training Nelith, Basquili, and Jaina as “the last hope for the galaxy” on New Alderaan in a big parallel of Dagobah. There, Nelith has another bardo-esque experience, where she manages to see the “shape” of the Tempest and how it commands Bogana and Jacen, and sees through Luke’s Force Ghost how Ben was able to escape it through Luke’s love, much as Anniken had before. She also sees how unstable the power is within Bogana, who never fully “earned” the dark power and can barely contain it, which Nelith believes makes it vulnerable. Armed with this new knowledge, she tells Leia that she thinks she can defeat Bogana (“Sidious’ remains are tearing her apart.”) and rescue Jacen (“There is still good in him.”).
We now head to the Throne Room, where Empress Bogana and Thrawn plan out their final strike against the Republic at New Alderaan. They plan to pilot the Starkiller, essentially a miniaturized Death Star that can fire far more often and with devastating effect, to destroy the Republic fleet and destroy New Alderaan as a final act to enforce a Carthaginian Peace. “The Queen and her forces will be caught completely unaware,” Thrawn maintains. A single background Officer seems to take notice.
Meanwhile, on the streets of Had Abbadon, the Mandalorian confronts Lando and Ben. They prepare to defend themselves, but the Mandalorian reveals herself to be Turasi Fett, and “no friend of the Empire of the Sith” whom she maintains betrayed her clan. She informs them that she leads a small group of Rebels within the “deepest recesses of the city” and that she wants to ally with them[6], and that they have “agents within the Imperial headquarters.”
“Thrawn is planning an attack on New Alderaan. We know when and we know how.” Ben scans her with the Force and deems her trustworthy and Lando mentions that they need to “send a message first”. They team with Turasi and sneak into an Imperial communications station, aided by some Imperial officers that work for Turasi. While Zelandra mans the get-away vehicle, Turasi and Ben lead a distraction raid while Lando sneaks into the transmitter and sends out the message with the Starkiller plans (“I hope that she gets the message.”). In the end, Ben and Lando get captured while Turasi rockets away and Zelandra drives away to escape.
But back on New Alderaan, Jaina receives the message. They are alerted to Thrawn’s surprise attack and have the plans to the Starkiller.
(Image source StarWars.com)
This leads to the Battle of New Alderaan, with Leia leading a force that is resisting Thrawn’s Imperial fleet. Thrawn, in turn, is leading the attack through the Starkiller. It’s a brutal battle with numerous ships destroyed, including Admiral Akbar’s ship, but Leia’s forces rally and defeat the Neo Imperial fleet, killing Thrawn and destroying the Starkiller as it takes aim at New Alderaan in a rhyme of the Battle of Yavin, Nelith herself firing the fateful shot guided by Luke’s voice.
With the Starkiller destroyed and the Imperial fleet in retreat, Leia and Jaina plan their next mission: a return to Had Abbadon to take down the Empress before the rest of the Neo-Imperial forces can rally to stop them. She contacts Ben (in prison) through the Force and relays their victory. He senses that he’ll be seeing her soon, and tells her that he’ll “have a warm welcome prepared.”
Meanwhile on Had Abbadon, Lando and Ben are rescued from the Imperial Prison by Zelanda (disguised as a Storm Trooper) backed up by Turasi in a reflection of Leia’s rescue in Ep. IV. Lando, Zelanda, and Ben, meeting up with the hidden Halixiana and the surviving Younglings sheltered deep in the Had Abbadon underground, join forces with Turasi’s armies and organize a People’s Revolution against the New Empire. They meet several other underground fighters and supporters, including an old and curmudgeonly member of Yoda’s species (a non-Force-user voiced by Ed Asner) who “remembered the fall of Had Abbadon to the Sith” the first time. In a reflection of Mos Eisley, they sneak around the city and enlist many brigades of old Republic fighters, even winning over some of the Clones, who without Atha Prime’s constant control have regained some of their repressed Free Will. At one point Ben and Zelandra share a kiss.
(Image source Haibane.info)
There’s a big battle for Had Abbadon on land and space mirroring both past Had Abbadon battles and Hoth as the Republic Fleet descends upon the capital. Lando, Zelandra, Ben, and Turasi lead a popular uprising against the Empire, an uprising that plays out throughout the Galaxy. Walkers duel in the streets and soon Nelith and Jaina join them, even the Younglings using trickery and the Force to aid in the effort. Nelith and Basquali share a kiss and separate as Basquali helps the Younglings escape. Guided by the Force, Nelith, Ben, and Jaina make their way to the Imperial Throne Room. Nelith and Ben confront Jacen, who ends up battling them. Bogana goes to attack them, but she is met by Leia, who battles her. Jacen is ultimately freed of the darkness as Leia, battling Bogana, distracts her, with Nelith using the understanding of the force that she gained and their personal connection to help him resist. With the link broken and Jacen realizing the depth of the lies (Ben’s hand in killing Mara was due to the Tempest), Jacen strikes down Bogana and takes in the Tempest Energy into himself and destroys it, sacrificing himself to end the Imbalance once and for all.
With Bogana dead, uprisings across the Galaxy throw out the Imperials and even many Imperials and Clones join or abandon their weapons. Lando is named the new Chancellor and re-establishes the New Republic, erecting statues of Luke Skywalker, Han and Jacen Solo, and Mon Mothma.
This takes us to the reestablishment of the Jedi Academy at the site of the original Temple on Jeda by Leia and Ben and Jaina and Nelith and Basquali to train the next generation. The Force Ghosts of Luke, Anniken, Yoda, Obi-Wan, Prana, and Jacen look on.
Our Storyteller Revealed… (Image source Wikimedia)
The camera then pans to an excited R2D2, which match-transitions to R2 in a cavernous room where strange creatures of pure light, the Whills, talk to him. A Title card reads “In the Distant Future”. The Whills thank R2 for chronicling the “Age of the Star Wars”, noting that the Droid’s “remembrances will be recorded in our great journal for posterity, so that all may know the saga of the Skywalkers and the return of balance to the Force.”
Reception and Legacy:
Episode VII broke a record $2.5 billion at the box office while Episodes VIII and IX made $1.8 billion and $2.2 billion respectively. They spawned new immersive and interactive Star Wars attractions at Disney parks and their own TV series. The effects were bleeding edge and many of the actors, in particular Erin Kellyman and Taron Egerton, were lauded by critics and fans alike. The three films received nominations and statues for technical awards.
Fans were mixed, with many expressing their disappointment, particularly at Luke’s grizzled, Kurtz-like portrayal as a reluctant mentor. Many were shocked at Han and Luke’s deaths, some outraged, though rumors persist that Han’s death was (along with an undisclosed but considerable paycheck) a prerequisite from Harrison Ford for his participation. Some fans disliked the focus on Nelith as the lead character, with some Trolls attacking mixed-race actor Erin Kellyman’s appearance and leading cries of “forced diversity” and “political correctness”. Complaints about all the twisting teen “love triangles” and other relationship issues led to some fans naming the first film “Episode VII: As the Galaxy Turns”. Bogana Mal’Qi was generally loved as a villain, though the name “Bogana”, derived from an abandoned early term for the Dark Side of the Force: The Bogan, would be the source of NetWit, usually merged with Bill & Ted in the viral “Darth Bogus”.
Some disliked the “Sith force ghost” aspect of the “Sith Master Essence Maelstrom” and some disliked the idea that the Dark Side was a “flaw” to be eliminated rather than a Yin-Yang-like part of life. Many had correctly predicted that the “Laughter” was Palpatine (even heavily filtered, Ian McDiarmid’s iconic evil cackle was recognizable), but had incorrectly guessed that he was either alive or a clone. Many were seriously disappointed not to see him walk again via the prepared Clone. Some loved the “Starkiller” weapon as a return to classic Star Wars, while others lambasted it as an unoriginal “mini–Death Star”. Many found the “Whills” framing device to be campy, unnecessary, and poorly foreshadowed.
The effects garnered mixed opinions, with many Gen-X fans angry that Lucasfilm still relied heavily on CG effects, having secretly hoped for a return to practical effects, and many disliking the “flat” and “sterile” look given by the use of digital cameras. Others praised how well integrated the effects were and how much better the CG and compositing were than in the Prequels. The effects won several technical awards, including Oscars for Sound (Ep. VII) and Visual Effects (Ep. IX).
It's still too early to determine how this will play in posterity, and whether, like is happening with the Prequels as the generations that grew up with it come of age, fans will reevaluate it later or not. Toxicity on the Net still poisons discussions to this day.
[1] With a better experience with the Prequels in general compared to our timeline, Lucas never sells to Disney or anyone else, at least as of 2023.
[2] Lucas flushed “C Canon” stuff like the Old Expanded Universe on a regular basis even prior to its “Legendization”, but showed a tendency to support elevating “T Canon” stuff like The Clone Wars. Here, the higher Canon level means Lucas is keeping more from the “Thrawn Trilogy”.
[3] Unlike in our timeline’s Sequels, which deliberately used vintage techniques intended to invoke the Original Trilogy in an attempt to win back the First Generation fandom (while largely ignoring as much as possible the Prequels and the Second Generation fans), Lucas is again trying to push the limits in the technology with digital effects and digital cameras. Mileage will vary highly on whether this is good, bad, or just different.
[4] The much-hated Luke the Recluse aspect of our timeline’s The Last Jedi appears to have been in some respect the plan for Luke even as far back as production on The Empire Strikes Back (1980 interview with Mark Hammill), and it appears to have been one of the few aspects from the Lucas Sequel Trilogy to survive the transition to Disney in our timeline (studies, images, and notes on a dark, reclusive Luke as a “Kurtz-like figure” from the mid-2000s emerged after TLJ).
[5] Han’s death, as in our timeline, is (along with the proverbial “undisclosed sum”) part of the price for getting Ford to return to a role that he hated.
[6] This pairing will spawn a viral ‘Demic” of Net Wit including a flash animated fan series called Lando and the Mando that plays like a ‘70s buddy cop.
From In Brief Wiki Netsite; last updated January 17, 2023
The long-awaited Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, or Episodes VII-IX, debuted between 2014 and 2018. Wildly successful commercially and receiving mostly positive reviews, the trilogy, like the Prequel Trilogy, garners continued controversy among the fandom.
Characters:
- Jedi Master Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill): the Grand Master and Founder of the New Jedi Academy on Had Abbadon
- Queen Leia Organa Solo (Carrie Fisher): A Jedi Knight and Senator for New Alderaan
- High General Han Solo (Harrison Ford): Commander of the New Republic Armed Forces
- General Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew/Joonas Suotamo): Han’s right-hand Wookie
- C-3PO and R2D2 (Anthony Daniels and Kenny Baker/Deep Roy): two ever-present Droids
- Admiral Lando Calrissian (Billy D. Williams): head of the Republic Navy
- Nelith Qir (Erin Kellyman): A young Padawan who is an orphan to slave parents on Kessel and the main point of view character for the trilogy; she suffers from an inferiority complex and traumatic past in a reflection of Anniken, and is plagued by dark visions
- Sir Jacen Solo (Ansel Elgort): Son of Han and Leia, a talented young Jedi with his mother’s sense of right and wrong and his father’s cocky attitude; twin brother to Jaina
- Dame Jaina Solo (Billie Lourd): Daughter of Han and Leia, a talented young Jedi with her mother’s sardonic sense of humor and her father’s cynicism, but good at heart; twin sister to Jacen
- Ben Skywalker/Vangar Tor (Taron Egerton): Son of Luke and Mara Jade, turned to the Dark Side and sought tutelage under Sith Lady Bogana Mal’qi
- Mara Jade (Deceased; Julianne Moore in flashbacks): Luke’s wife and mother to Ben; died under mysterious circumstances prior to the events of the film
- Basquali Belip (Xolo Maridueña): Padawan and friend of Nelith, with an unrequited crush; comic relief character, brave but awkward and naïve
- Captain Zelandra Calrissian (Zoë Kravitz): An ace pilot and Lando’s daughter.
- RS-4: new R2-like Droid that has no “owner”
- Dame Halixiana (Jude Barsi): A Jedi Knight and one of Luke’s first Padawans
- Master Prana Ashla (Halle Berry): a Jedi Master and former Padawan of Anniken Skywalker; former friend and rival of Bogana Mal’qi
- Lady Bogana Mal’qi/Shana Ylitt (Lupita Nyong'o): A Sith Lady and former Apprentice to Mauk Shivtor; attempting to rebuild the Sith Order
- Grand Admiral Thrawn (Lars Mikkelsen): Commander in Chief of the rump Imperial Navy
- Clone Master Atha Prime (mo-cap by Silas Carson, voice by Jeremy Irons): The head of the Nova Atha Clone Works and a Clone of the Atha Prime seen in Shadows of the Empire with the memories uploaded (one of many through the ages); allied with Thrawn and Bogana
Production:
Lucasfilm[1], after a long debate, put the Sequel Trilogy into production in the mid-2000s. George Lucas, combining elements from the quasi-canonical (“T Canon”) Shadows of the Empire animated series[2] from the late 1980s along with some earlier but abandoned ideas for a Sequel Trilogy championed by former Star Wars producer Gary Kurtz, crafted a story of “what came next” for the Galaxy Far Far Away.
“I didn’t want to just make an epilogue,” said Lucas in an interview, “but I also didn’t just want to make another Palpatine or hand waive away his death. So I made it about the lingering evil from Palpatine’s legacy, both literally and figuratively.”
Lucas chose the arc theme of “Healing” to frame the trilogy, much as “Hope” and “Fear” had framed the Original and Prequel Trilogies, respectively. This can be seen in how the New Republic seeks to “heal” the rift in the galaxy left by the Star Wars, Luke and Leia’s attempts to heal from their trauma related to the loss of their loved ones, and central character Nelith Qir’s attempts to heal from her traumatic childhood, among others. Other themes included temptation, seduction to evil, hope vs. fear, love vs. hate, recovery, and of course the omnipresent Star Wars theme of the natural vs. the mechanical.
Like the original 6 “Episodes”, the Sequels would follow a modified Chiastic or Ring Structure, but since only three films were planned, it was decided to complete the full six-film “ring” in just three films, a “circle within a circle”. As such, where Episodes I-VI followed (or at least attempted to follow) a structure of ABCC’B’A’, Episodes VII-IX would follow the same structure, but in half as many Episodes. This led to a structure of AB CC’ B’A’ where Episode VII would most closely track to Episodes I and II, Episode VIII would track to Episodes III and IV, and Episode IX would track Episodes V and VI.
Numerous location shots were filmed, though most footage was filmed on sound stages using “Green Screen” effects. Lucas pushed for heavy use of bleeding edge effects, and nearly all of the ships, many of the creatures and Clones, and even background humans are all fully CG. All three films were recorded entirely using digital cameras and no filmstock or masters exist.[3]
Episode VII: A Whisper of Fear:
Released: Winter 2014
Director: Joss Whedon
Ring Concept: A à B
Synopsis:
EPISODE VII
A Whisper of Fear
A NEW GALACTIC REPUBLIC
has risen from the ashes of the Empire.
As Supreme Chancellor Mon Mothma rebuilds
the Republic Senate, Jedi Master LUKE SKYWALKER
has forged a new Jedi Academy on the ruins of the original
Temple, aided by his old friends LEIA ORGANA and HAN SOLO.
But a shadow lingers over the Galaxy, one whose evil threatens to undue
all of their hard-fought gains. Dark whispers echo in the halls of power and the
lingering traces of greed and power-lust threaten instability and terror. Already
tragedy has touched the Skywalker family.
And as the Jedi Knight HALIXIANA travels to Kessel on a seemingly simple mission, dark forces gather
with evil plans of their own.......
A Whisper of Fear
A NEW GALACTIC REPUBLIC
has risen from the ashes of the Empire.
As Supreme Chancellor Mon Mothma rebuilds
the Republic Senate, Jedi Master LUKE SKYWALKER
has forged a new Jedi Academy on the ruins of the original
Temple, aided by his old friends LEIA ORGANA and HAN SOLO.
But a shadow lingers over the Galaxy, one whose evil threatens to undue
all of their hard-fought gains. Dark whispers echo in the halls of power and the
lingering traces of greed and power-lust threaten instability and terror. Already
tragedy has touched the Skywalker family.
And as the Jedi Knight HALIXIANA travels to Kessel on a seemingly simple mission, dark forces gather
with evil plans of their own.......
The Jedi Knight Halixiana travels to the planet Kessel with Senator Valorem on behalf of Chancellor Mothma to deal with a miner’s union dispute, and we get insights into the New Republic as they talk. But it’s a trap by the Hutt syndicate, a plan to seize the critical spice mines at Kessel, and Halixiana is forced to fight her way out after Senator Valorem is ambushed and murdered. She ultimately defeats the Hutt forces and puts down the attempted power-grab, and in the process manages to discover a force-sensitive orphan child named Nelith Qir among the workers, who are discovered to be slaves in open violation of Republic law.
They return to Had Abbadon. While Halixiana meets with Lando to discuss the “disturbing rise” in criminality in the Galaxy, Nelith is taken to the New Jedi Academy on Had Abbadon and placed under the tutelage of Queen Leia and Master Prana, though Leia senses darkness in the child. Han is Leia’s husband and is the head of the Republic Navy (and still flying the aging Millennium Falcon as his command ship; “you still fly that old thing?”) while Leia co-runs the Academy with Luke and Prana and represents the partially-terraformed planet of New Alderaan in the Senate. But the young Nelith, sneaking around after curfew, witnesses Grand Master Luke in an argument with Leia and Han (“You can’t blame yourself for that, Luke”). Luke leaves the Academy under mysterious circumstances, rumored to be tragic, which nobody will talk about.
(Image source Polygon)
Fast-forward a few years. Luke remains missing and has closed himself off from contact through the force. We learn that the ways of the New Academy are notably different, more compassionate, and less dogmatic and hierarchical than the Old Jedi Temple we saw in Ep. I. Nelith is now a powerful young Padawan, but dark dreams enter her head and dark visions play out in her mind, hearing an evil laughter echoing in her head as she sleeps or meditates, though she tells no one for fear of being rejected from the Academy. She clearly has a budding romantic tension with Jacen Solo, Han and Leia’s son and a young Jedi Knight.
She and her friends finally learn from Jacen that Grand Master Luke left after the fall of his son Ben Skywalker to the Dark Side. Ben experienced similar dark dreams and voices as Nelith, and in the end reportedly killed his own mother in a fit of blind rage. Jacen is clearly still traumatized by this, as Ben was his best friend. After years of struggle to sort out her troubles and the dark voices in her head, Nelith decides to leave the Academy with a fellow Padawan friend and unrequited love interest named Basquali Belip to find Luke, hacking the Jedi Archives with the aid of RS-4, a “masterless droid” she’d befriended, to track his movements to the old Jedi “home world” of Jeda, hoping that he can help her.
Meanwhile, Leia and Han and the twins Jaina and Jacen deal with the rise of a Neo-Imperial force under Grand Admiral Thrawn, resulting in a large battle where they destroy a capital ship, and thus end the Neo-Imperial invasion attempt, but at great cost. There is an appearance by Bogana Mal’qi as “the last of the Sith”, previously assumed to have been killed by Prana, and who has recruited more Neo-Sith Apprentices, including a masked Sith Apprentice named Vangar Tor who engages and tries to tempt Jacen to the Dark Side, poking at his fears and inadequacies. Han, Leia, Jacen, and Jaina learn from a captured Imperial Officer of a gathering force in “Nova Atha”, a space station orbiting a Brown Dwarf. Leia senses that there is something amiss, but has to stay on Had Abbadon to deal with political intrigues from a small group of Senators who appear to harbor Imperial nostalgia.
(Image source Vanity Fair)
On Jeda, Luke, who is bitter after his own son was seduced to dark side and killed Mara Jade, rejects Nelith and Basquali in a rhyme with Mace Windu’s reluctance with Anniken and Yoda’s reluctance with him (“You’re too old”). Finally, after an ongoing cycle of rejection where Luke ultimately admits to his failings with Ben[4] and his own culpability (“In my fear and arrogance I cast Ben away. Mara’s death is as much on my hands as Ben’s.”), he accepts her and Basquali and trains them in a rhyme with Yoda. In doing so he ultimately re-finds himself in the process, particularly after he is visited by Yoda’s Force Ghost, who admits to his own failings with both Anniken and Luke.
Along the way we (via Nelith and Basquali) learn more about the Ancient Ones as the “Disciples of the Whills” and how they betrayed the trust of the Whills and broke with the Will of the Force, dabbling in corruption and raw selfish power. In doing so they “fractured” the Force and created the Dark Side, unleashing an “Imbalance”. The Jedi thus formed from a rebellious faction of the Ancient Ones who took shelter on Jeda, vowing to battle the unbalance. They succeeded in ultimately overthrowing the Ancient Ones, but the Sith rose from the Ancient One’s ashes, fully dedicated to the Dark Side and parasitically gaining power from the Imbalance. That Imbalance, which Luke assumed was purged with the death of Palpatine and redemption of Anniken Skywalker, has lingered, and is manifesting in the “Darkness” that both Ben and Nelith have been contacted by, a darkness that Luke admits “feels familiar”.
They have a big violent dreamlike and Bardo-like encounter when trying to purge Nelith of the Darkness (psychic battles with phantoms of the Dark Side that result in a massive storm and the collapse of the Temple) where Nelith has a vision about Han and the twins being in danger. Luke recalls the Jedi’s failure with Anniken and his own experiences with Yoda and Obi-Wan on Dagobah and freely releases her and Basquali to rescue Han & Leia (“Follow your instincts, and may the Force be with you”). Luke, however, will stay on Jeda where the Force is strong, hoping to discern the full nature of, and thus how to defeat, the lingering Darkness.
Meanwhile, Han, Chewy, and the twins arrive on Nova Atha, which is run by an Atha Prime clone who has uploaded the original Atha’s memories, and discover a new clone army. The masked Sith Vangar Tor appears, leading the clone force, and reveals himself to Jacen to be Ben Skywalker. Ben tells his old friend Jacen that, no, he did not kill his mother, Mara. She was instead killed by Luke himself! Jacen, who we now discover hears the dark whispers himself, now blames Luke and the New Jedi for what happened to his close friend Ben, and he thus betrays his family and the Jedi, killing his own father Han while Jaina, Threpio, and Chewy are captured by Ben. Nelith, on the way to the rescue, feels the death of Han thanks to her personal attachment for Jacen.[5]
(Image source Inverse.com)
Nelith and Basquali arrive on New Atha in a set piece rhyming both the Atha fight in Ep. II and Cloud City in Ep. V. Nelith battles Ben (who tempts her to the Dark Side, sensing that she “hears the sick laughter of the galaxy” as well) while Basquali frees Jaina and Chewy and is then confronted by Jacen, whose light saber flickers with red as he grapples with the Dark Side. The heroes are overwhelmed by might and numbers (Jacen loses a hand), but they manage to escape. They return to Had Abbadon and warn all of the return of the Sith and betrayals of Ben and Jacen, and settle into a bittersweet moment, having lost Han and (in another way) Jacen.
Episode VIII: Duel of the Fates:
Released: Winter 2016
Director: Jon Favreau
Ring Concept: C à C’
Synopsis:
EPISODE VIII
Duel of the Fates
The Republic is at war.
Armed with a new CLONE ARMY,
Sith Lady BOGANA MAL’QI and Grand
Admiral THRAWN have organized the greatest
threat to the Republic yet: a six-pronged attack.
Queen LEIA ORGANA, still mourning the loss of Han Solo, has
recruited LANDO CALRISSIAN to help organize the Republic’s defenses
against this impending onslaught. Meanwhile, still in self-imposed exile on Jeda,
Jedi Master LUKE SKYWALKER investigates the Darkness that has enveloped his son BEN
and nephew JACEN, hoping to bring balance to the Force once and for all.
But Clone Master ATHA PRIME has an even darker plan afoot. One which would return an evil to the galaxy not seen since the fall of the Empire.......
Duel of the Fates
The Republic is at war.
Armed with a new CLONE ARMY,
Sith Lady BOGANA MAL’QI and Grand
Admiral THRAWN have organized the greatest
threat to the Republic yet: a six-pronged attack.
Queen LEIA ORGANA, still mourning the loss of Han Solo, has
recruited LANDO CALRISSIAN to help organize the Republic’s defenses
against this impending onslaught. Meanwhile, still in self-imposed exile on Jeda,
Jedi Master LUKE SKYWALKER investigates the Darkness that has enveloped his son BEN
and nephew JACEN, hoping to bring balance to the Force once and for all.
But Clone Master ATHA PRIME has an even darker plan afoot. One which would return an evil to the galaxy not seen since the fall of the Empire.......
On Nova Atha, circling an ominous brown dwarf, Atha Prime, Admiral Thrawn, and Bogana Mal’qi assemble a Clone Army, a massive force that they plan to send against the unprepared Republic, hoping to take advantage of its loss of General Solo. Lando has taken over as the High Commander, and the Neo-Imperial forces believe that he will not be able to fill Han’s boots. Thrawn also mentions an “inside ally”. They have planned a six-pronged offensive that Thrawn believes will overwhelm and occupy the Republic defenses enough to allow for “the master stroke”. Atha Prima also has a special Cloning Pod under close guard, one that he says will be his “greatest creation yet”.
(Image source Star Wars News net)
Back on Had Abbadon, a mournful but determined Leia is working with Lando to prepare for the coming battle (C-3PO on hand for comment). She contacts Luke, still on Jeda, via the Force, who assures her that he will do all that he can to recover Jacen, though he fears that Ben is lost. Leia also begs Luke to join them, but Luke, exhausted of war and not yet ready to face his son, further investigates the nature of the dark dreams that plagued Ben, Jacen, and Nelith. “It is so familiar that I can taste it.”
Nelith, meanwhile, physically returns with Basquali to Luke on Jeda for some final training and an official “hand off of the sword” moment. After some time and probing questions by a surprisingly forceful Basquali, Luke admits that Mara’s death was an accident when she tried to get between Luke and Ben during their confrontation, though he maintains that it was Ben’s sword which struck her down, not his. They agree to work together to try and save not just Jacen, but Ben.
But Nelith is alerted through the force by Leia that a large Neo Imperial force is attacking on multiple fronts, and that she is needed to help defend the Republic. She and Basquali leave while Luke again refuses the call.
(Image source Business Insider)
We then wipe to a massive, multi-front battle as various Jedi and Heroes (including Lando’s daughter Zelandra, Admiral Ackbar, and his son Mastav) lead forces to meet the Neo-imperial forces. It cycles through several battles that leave the Republic at a disadvantage. Lando, meanwhile, has to deploy the small reserve force to meet a surprise attack on Had Abbadon led by Jacen Solo (“The other battles were a distraction!”). Lando is then betrayed by his protégé Commodore Gurian Dairn in a mirror of his own actions in Ep. V and the central government on Had Abbadon is seized in a coup led by the Imperial Sympathizers in the Senate and the Republic Army. Mon Mothma and several loyalist Senators put up a good fight, but are overwhelmed and die honorably.
Jacen then leads a force of Sith Apprentices and Storm Troopers that destroys the Jedi Academy, killing many Jedi and losing many Sith in the process, but Master Prana sacrifices herself so that the Younglings can escape, taking out several Sith in the process. The fall of Had Abbadon demoralizes the battered Republic Forces, who retreat and regroup at New Alderaan.
The Neo-Imperial forces now descend upon Had Abbadon, where we learn from Bogana that the Darkness in the various young Jedi’s heads is in fact the “Tempest in the Force left behind by Sidious Morg” and the other Sith Masters (a sort of Dark Side counterpoint to a Force Ghost, more tortured remains of a damned soul than immortal life). Atha Prime has created a Clone of Palpatine to use as vessel for this Dark Tempest, which will then resume his place as Emperor, but Bogana betrays and murders Atha Prime during the “procedure”, destroys the Palpatine Clone, and instead pulls the dark energies of the Tempest into herself, claiming the full powers of a Sith Master, and through it the Imperial Throne, for herself. But we quickly learn that Bogana’s stolen power is unstable, and she’s having a hard time controlling it. Already she seems to age and putrefy from the power within.
All Hail Empress Mal’Qi! (Image source Dork Side of the Force)
Luke soon senses this reemergence of a Sith Master and returns from exile, duty-bound to defeat her. Sending Nelith and Leia a message through the Force, he travels alone to Had Abbadon and turns himself in. In the Imperial Throne Room, he verbally confronts Ben and Jacen, who serve as Empress Bogana’s left and right hand, and apologizes to them for his failings. Bogana orders Ben to kill his father, but Ben hesitates, so she assaults him with Force Lightning. Luke never hesitates and steps in to take the full brunt of her powers, ultimately making a self-sacrifice to save his son (“I will never let you die, my son.”). Ben, broken from the spell by his father’s sacrifice, leaps off of the balcony and escapes, Jacen in pursuit. Ben is discovered and rescued by a recently escaped Lando (rescued in turn by his daughter Zelandra, who was sent by Leia), and escapes with them into the night on a hover car.
Leia is now visited by Luke’s Force Ghost, who tells her that Ben is “safe”, but regrets that he was not yet able to save Jacen. The film ends on a dark note with Bogana as Empress and the New Republic on the back foot, assembling their forces for the next phase. Queen Leia and Luke’s Force Ghost end the film staring out at the terraforming New Alderaan in a reflection of Ep. V.
Episode IX: The Will of the Force:
Released: Winter 2018
Director: Ernest Dickerson
Ring Concept: B’ à A’
Synopsis:
EPISODE IX
The Will of the Force
A NEW EMPIRE has risen!
Empress BOGANA MAL’QI, unstably
empowered by the broken remains of Sidious Morg’s
Sith resonance, has dispatched Grand Admiral THRAWN
to destroy the last vestiges of the New Republic. His fleet is armed
with a devastating new weapon, the STARKILLER.
But the Republic has plans of their own. Admiral LANDO CALRISSIAN and BEN
SKYWALKER, still in hiding, are plying the streets of Had Abbadon, hoping to gather intelligence
that will give Queen LEIA ORGANA the information she needs to repel the Imperial fleet.
And as the Imperial and Republic forces maneuver for battle, new Jedi NELITH QIR is training for the most critical battle of all:
the battle to destroy the Sith and restore Balance to the Force once and for all.......
The movie opens with Lando and Ben posing as Spice Smugglers on a secret mission on Had Abbadon. Zelandra is guiding them from a remote location. She and Ben flirt shamelessly, which bemuses Lando (“Just like her old man”). They ply the Underworld, Lando calling in some favors and making some bribes, Ben using the Mind Trick, as they seek information on Thrawn’s fleet. Ben is afraid that his presence will betray them to Jacen and Bogana, but Lando has faith in him “like I always had faith in your father.” Eventually, they manage to steal information on a new secret weapon that’s been assembled in orbit, the Starkiller. They are discovered and fight their way out, but the City Planet is on high alert and their faces soon splashed all over the news as dangerous fugitives. At one point they hide in a basement in a parallel of Han and Leia in the asteroid field as the Empire looks for them. As they elude the forces, a single Mandalorian spots them and follows…The Will of the Force
A NEW EMPIRE has risen!
Empress BOGANA MAL’QI, unstably
empowered by the broken remains of Sidious Morg’s
Sith resonance, has dispatched Grand Admiral THRAWN
to destroy the last vestiges of the New Republic. His fleet is armed
with a devastating new weapon, the STARKILLER.
But the Republic has plans of their own. Admiral LANDO CALRISSIAN and BEN
SKYWALKER, still in hiding, are plying the streets of Had Abbadon, hoping to gather intelligence
that will give Queen LEIA ORGANA the information she needs to repel the Imperial fleet.
And as the Imperial and Republic forces maneuver for battle, new Jedi NELITH QIR is training for the most critical battle of all:
the battle to destroy the Sith and restore Balance to the Force once and for all.......
(Image source Slashfilm)
Leia, meanwhile, is training Nelith, Basquili, and Jaina as “the last hope for the galaxy” on New Alderaan in a big parallel of Dagobah. There, Nelith has another bardo-esque experience, where she manages to see the “shape” of the Tempest and how it commands Bogana and Jacen, and sees through Luke’s Force Ghost how Ben was able to escape it through Luke’s love, much as Anniken had before. She also sees how unstable the power is within Bogana, who never fully “earned” the dark power and can barely contain it, which Nelith believes makes it vulnerable. Armed with this new knowledge, she tells Leia that she thinks she can defeat Bogana (“Sidious’ remains are tearing her apart.”) and rescue Jacen (“There is still good in him.”).
We now head to the Throne Room, where Empress Bogana and Thrawn plan out their final strike against the Republic at New Alderaan. They plan to pilot the Starkiller, essentially a miniaturized Death Star that can fire far more often and with devastating effect, to destroy the Republic fleet and destroy New Alderaan as a final act to enforce a Carthaginian Peace. “The Queen and her forces will be caught completely unaware,” Thrawn maintains. A single background Officer seems to take notice.
Meanwhile, on the streets of Had Abbadon, the Mandalorian confronts Lando and Ben. They prepare to defend themselves, but the Mandalorian reveals herself to be Turasi Fett, and “no friend of the Empire of the Sith” whom she maintains betrayed her clan. She informs them that she leads a small group of Rebels within the “deepest recesses of the city” and that she wants to ally with them[6], and that they have “agents within the Imperial headquarters.”
“Thrawn is planning an attack on New Alderaan. We know when and we know how.” Ben scans her with the Force and deems her trustworthy and Lando mentions that they need to “send a message first”. They team with Turasi and sneak into an Imperial communications station, aided by some Imperial officers that work for Turasi. While Zelandra mans the get-away vehicle, Turasi and Ben lead a distraction raid while Lando sneaks into the transmitter and sends out the message with the Starkiller plans (“I hope that she gets the message.”). In the end, Ben and Lando get captured while Turasi rockets away and Zelandra drives away to escape.
But back on New Alderaan, Jaina receives the message. They are alerted to Thrawn’s surprise attack and have the plans to the Starkiller.
(Image source StarWars.com)
This leads to the Battle of New Alderaan, with Leia leading a force that is resisting Thrawn’s Imperial fleet. Thrawn, in turn, is leading the attack through the Starkiller. It’s a brutal battle with numerous ships destroyed, including Admiral Akbar’s ship, but Leia’s forces rally and defeat the Neo Imperial fleet, killing Thrawn and destroying the Starkiller as it takes aim at New Alderaan in a rhyme of the Battle of Yavin, Nelith herself firing the fateful shot guided by Luke’s voice.
With the Starkiller destroyed and the Imperial fleet in retreat, Leia and Jaina plan their next mission: a return to Had Abbadon to take down the Empress before the rest of the Neo-Imperial forces can rally to stop them. She contacts Ben (in prison) through the Force and relays their victory. He senses that he’ll be seeing her soon, and tells her that he’ll “have a warm welcome prepared.”
Meanwhile on Had Abbadon, Lando and Ben are rescued from the Imperial Prison by Zelanda (disguised as a Storm Trooper) backed up by Turasi in a reflection of Leia’s rescue in Ep. IV. Lando, Zelanda, and Ben, meeting up with the hidden Halixiana and the surviving Younglings sheltered deep in the Had Abbadon underground, join forces with Turasi’s armies and organize a People’s Revolution against the New Empire. They meet several other underground fighters and supporters, including an old and curmudgeonly member of Yoda’s species (a non-Force-user voiced by Ed Asner) who “remembered the fall of Had Abbadon to the Sith” the first time. In a reflection of Mos Eisley, they sneak around the city and enlist many brigades of old Republic fighters, even winning over some of the Clones, who without Atha Prime’s constant control have regained some of their repressed Free Will. At one point Ben and Zelandra share a kiss.
(Image source Haibane.info)
There’s a big battle for Had Abbadon on land and space mirroring both past Had Abbadon battles and Hoth as the Republic Fleet descends upon the capital. Lando, Zelandra, Ben, and Turasi lead a popular uprising against the Empire, an uprising that plays out throughout the Galaxy. Walkers duel in the streets and soon Nelith and Jaina join them, even the Younglings using trickery and the Force to aid in the effort. Nelith and Basquali share a kiss and separate as Basquali helps the Younglings escape. Guided by the Force, Nelith, Ben, and Jaina make their way to the Imperial Throne Room. Nelith and Ben confront Jacen, who ends up battling them. Bogana goes to attack them, but she is met by Leia, who battles her. Jacen is ultimately freed of the darkness as Leia, battling Bogana, distracts her, with Nelith using the understanding of the force that she gained and their personal connection to help him resist. With the link broken and Jacen realizing the depth of the lies (Ben’s hand in killing Mara was due to the Tempest), Jacen strikes down Bogana and takes in the Tempest Energy into himself and destroys it, sacrificing himself to end the Imbalance once and for all.
With Bogana dead, uprisings across the Galaxy throw out the Imperials and even many Imperials and Clones join or abandon their weapons. Lando is named the new Chancellor and re-establishes the New Republic, erecting statues of Luke Skywalker, Han and Jacen Solo, and Mon Mothma.
This takes us to the reestablishment of the Jedi Academy at the site of the original Temple on Jeda by Leia and Ben and Jaina and Nelith and Basquali to train the next generation. The Force Ghosts of Luke, Anniken, Yoda, Obi-Wan, Prana, and Jacen look on.
Our Storyteller Revealed… (Image source Wikimedia)
The camera then pans to an excited R2D2, which match-transitions to R2 in a cavernous room where strange creatures of pure light, the Whills, talk to him. A Title card reads “In the Distant Future”. The Whills thank R2 for chronicling the “Age of the Star Wars”, noting that the Droid’s “remembrances will be recorded in our great journal for posterity, so that all may know the saga of the Skywalkers and the return of balance to the Force.”
Reception and Legacy:
Episode VII broke a record $2.5 billion at the box office while Episodes VIII and IX made $1.8 billion and $2.2 billion respectively. They spawned new immersive and interactive Star Wars attractions at Disney parks and their own TV series. The effects were bleeding edge and many of the actors, in particular Erin Kellyman and Taron Egerton, were lauded by critics and fans alike. The three films received nominations and statues for technical awards.
Fans were mixed, with many expressing their disappointment, particularly at Luke’s grizzled, Kurtz-like portrayal as a reluctant mentor. Many were shocked at Han and Luke’s deaths, some outraged, though rumors persist that Han’s death was (along with an undisclosed but considerable paycheck) a prerequisite from Harrison Ford for his participation. Some fans disliked the focus on Nelith as the lead character, with some Trolls attacking mixed-race actor Erin Kellyman’s appearance and leading cries of “forced diversity” and “political correctness”. Complaints about all the twisting teen “love triangles” and other relationship issues led to some fans naming the first film “Episode VII: As the Galaxy Turns”. Bogana Mal’Qi was generally loved as a villain, though the name “Bogana”, derived from an abandoned early term for the Dark Side of the Force: The Bogan, would be the source of NetWit, usually merged with Bill & Ted in the viral “Darth Bogus”.
Some disliked the “Sith force ghost” aspect of the “Sith Master Essence Maelstrom” and some disliked the idea that the Dark Side was a “flaw” to be eliminated rather than a Yin-Yang-like part of life. Many had correctly predicted that the “Laughter” was Palpatine (even heavily filtered, Ian McDiarmid’s iconic evil cackle was recognizable), but had incorrectly guessed that he was either alive or a clone. Many were seriously disappointed not to see him walk again via the prepared Clone. Some loved the “Starkiller” weapon as a return to classic Star Wars, while others lambasted it as an unoriginal “mini–Death Star”. Many found the “Whills” framing device to be campy, unnecessary, and poorly foreshadowed.
The effects garnered mixed opinions, with many Gen-X fans angry that Lucasfilm still relied heavily on CG effects, having secretly hoped for a return to practical effects, and many disliking the “flat” and “sterile” look given by the use of digital cameras. Others praised how well integrated the effects were and how much better the CG and compositing were than in the Prequels. The effects won several technical awards, including Oscars for Sound (Ep. VII) and Visual Effects (Ep. IX).
It's still too early to determine how this will play in posterity, and whether, like is happening with the Prequels as the generations that grew up with it come of age, fans will reevaluate it later or not. Toxicity on the Net still poisons discussions to this day.
[1] With a better experience with the Prequels in general compared to our timeline, Lucas never sells to Disney or anyone else, at least as of 2023.
[2] Lucas flushed “C Canon” stuff like the Old Expanded Universe on a regular basis even prior to its “Legendization”, but showed a tendency to support elevating “T Canon” stuff like The Clone Wars. Here, the higher Canon level means Lucas is keeping more from the “Thrawn Trilogy”.
[3] Unlike in our timeline’s Sequels, which deliberately used vintage techniques intended to invoke the Original Trilogy in an attempt to win back the First Generation fandom (while largely ignoring as much as possible the Prequels and the Second Generation fans), Lucas is again trying to push the limits in the technology with digital effects and digital cameras. Mileage will vary highly on whether this is good, bad, or just different.
[4] The much-hated Luke the Recluse aspect of our timeline’s The Last Jedi appears to have been in some respect the plan for Luke even as far back as production on The Empire Strikes Back (1980 interview with Mark Hammill), and it appears to have been one of the few aspects from the Lucas Sequel Trilogy to survive the transition to Disney in our timeline (studies, images, and notes on a dark, reclusive Luke as a “Kurtz-like figure” from the mid-2000s emerged after TLJ).
[5] Han’s death, as in our timeline, is (along with the proverbial “undisclosed sum”) part of the price for getting Ford to return to a role that he hated.
[6] This pairing will spawn a viral ‘Demic” of Net Wit including a flash animated fan series called Lando and the Mando that plays like a ‘70s buddy cop.
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So this is the OTL Sequel Trilogy but actually good? I do find it hilariously ironic that this trilogy is mostly Lucas's idea even though it has a lot of the stuff most fans heavily dislike from the Sequels like Hermit Luke, Ben Skywalker being Evil, and some kind of resurrection of Palpatine (though luckily Lucas never takes it that far due to Dark Empire showing how that was a bad idea).
Speaking of Dark Empire, it's probably inevitable that the Sequels will either decanonize it or make it less prominent in the SW lore due to Palpatine's consciousness being part of the Tempest (if they do the latter, then Palpatine was properly revived in Dark Empire only for his soul to be thoroughly contained by the Jedi by the ending, leaving behind his hatred to be part of the Tempest).
Nellith being the main character is a huge surprise to me since I expected Jacen/Jaina to be the protags but considering the Twins had their spotlight in the Heir to the Empire animated series, I guess it makes some sense.
At least Star Wars is in a good position to move past the Skywalker Saga since they can use the Sequel Trilogy's characters and plot much more readily than OTL. For that reason I 100% believe that SW: Legacy will be a thing ITTL, but removing the Sith and the Dark Side itself is a huge deal. Writers are gonna be forced to be a bit more creative without someone like Darth Krayt and a revived Sith to oppose the heroes and I doubt they'll use the Yuuzhan Vong to do that due to the Fiction Zone.
Speaking of Dark Empire, it's probably inevitable that the Sequels will either decanonize it or make it less prominent in the SW lore due to Palpatine's consciousness being part of the Tempest (if they do the latter, then Palpatine was properly revived in Dark Empire only for his soul to be thoroughly contained by the Jedi by the ending, leaving behind his hatred to be part of the Tempest).
Nellith being the main character is a huge surprise to me since I expected Jacen/Jaina to be the protags but considering the Twins had their spotlight in the Heir to the Empire animated series, I guess it makes some sense.
At least Star Wars is in a good position to move past the Skywalker Saga since they can use the Sequel Trilogy's characters and plot much more readily than OTL. For that reason I 100% believe that SW: Legacy will be a thing ITTL, but removing the Sith and the Dark Side itself is a huge deal. Writers are gonna be forced to be a bit more creative without someone like Darth Krayt and a revived Sith to oppose the heroes and I doubt they'll use the Yuuzhan Vong to do that due to the Fiction Zone.
(raises hand) What happened to Halix? She kinda disappeared from the synopsis after VII; I assume she's one of the background Jedi?
Glad to see not!Rey get some actual character development and story arc... and of course Harrison Ford still really doesn't want to do two more movies.
Glad to see not!Rey get some actual character development and story arc... and of course Harrison Ford still really doesn't want to do two more movies.
That was bound to happen after seeing Ford show his absolute disdain for the Han Solo character. Guess that's just a universal constant.
As for a new Indiana Jones film, though? I kinda wanna see him in that just so he can actually enjoy a role instead of acting on a paycheck.
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