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At least we still (hopefully) have the Gene Wilder adaptation.
When you Wish Upon a Frog (Book II of the Jim Henson at Disney saga)
- Thread starter Geekhis Khan
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I was thinking along the same lines, actually.
That works. I'll make the RETCON to the BSky post.
Willy Wanker and the Magic Pr0n Site?
It shall be done (exclamatory cough).
Yes, predates the PoD. And after all of that talk on the BS production I could use some classic Gene Wilder to purge things.
MMU Phase II: Apocalypse How
MMU Phase II: Recalling the Phoenix-Galactus Saga (2001-2004)
Comics Craze, July 4th, 2020
In 1991 Spider-Man swung onto the big screen for the first time. A stand-alone film at the time, the webslinger enchanted audiences with a combination of bleeding-edge effects and Seth Green’s natural charm. A decade later in 2001, that one little film had exploded into a Movie Universe, Earth #307135, which “spelled” “Movies” if you looked at it right. This first “Phase” of the Marvel film franchise, which we discussed last week, finally enacted Sam Raimi’s long-held desire for a massive movie crossover event of the type frequently done in the comics. In the end, the X-Men and the Avengers would team up to battle a new threat to earth’s existence: The Dark Phoenix.[1]
And yet, as the early 2000s would reveal, Dark Phoenix was just the beginning, the “Harbinger” of an even greater threat who was, it turns out, the harbinger of a yet even greater threat. Internet leaks had already “spoiled” the appearance of Galactus long before the Big Reveal in X3, but Galactus, in turn, was battling something even greater. It was an idea that Raimi had recycled from his original plans for the DCMU before he was removed by WB Executive Tim Roth for someone more “frugal”.
As such, Phase II of Earth# 307135 would start with The End of the World as we Know it, and that was just the start. In the following sections, we will go movie-by-movie, describing their basic plots and stories and ultimately leading to the final showdown. I’d warn you about Spoilers, but seriously, it’s been almost 20 years. Get over yourself.
2001: Captain America: Sins of the Past
In Cap 1 we got a peek into the world of Earth #307135 in its World War II, where SHIELD gets its origins and Hydra has plans much bigger than their Nazi enablers. We also got a view of how much had changed in the US thanks to the rise of anti-Mutant fearmongering, and the parallels between Kelly and Hitler. In Cap 2, we see Cap confront SHIELD’s own dark past by way of a series of Tuskegee-like experiments conducted on Black soldiers in the late 1940s through 1950s intended to recreate the Super-Soldier Serum. Howard Stark’s journal even notes the irony that these experiments, done “to honor the lost Captain America”, would have been abhorred by the Captain himself. We learn that Hydra’s tentacles have a long reach and how Dr. Zemo’s “recruitment”, in a direct allegory for Operation Paperclip, has set the stage for the Hellfire Club, The Sentinels, and, ultimately, the fall of American democracy in favor of an authoritarian government that is really a pawn of Hydra.[2]
(Image source Express.co.uk)
Cap’s revelations become our revelations as we learn more of how the rise of Mutants was a strange byproduct of Red Skull’s true aim, the Rise of the Phoenix, a human vessel for the Phoenix Force intended to “prepare” the Earth for the foretold Ragnarök-like moment when Galactus would arrive and reshape it “to greater purpose”. “The fires of the Phoenix shall purge the planet of foolish resistance and set the stage for His triumph!” Red Skull tells Cap. “And those of us who aided His rise shall be rewarded.”
2001: Fantastic 4: Herald of the End Times
Even if Galactus’ coming hadn’t been leaked, most fanboys and fangirls would have known from this title, despite their best efforts to not make it obvious, what, or more precisely who, was coming. The titular “Herald” could only be the Silver Surfer, who’d made a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo in Fan 4 II, and SS could only (unless Marvel Productions was full of idiots) be the herald for one celestial being.
(Image source Go Collect)
Still, as set up at the opening of The Avengers, The Four were heading out into space to discern the source of the Phoenix Force. And this film follows them, presumably concurrent to the events of The Avengers. The Four travel through space, tracking the residual Phoenix Force signature, and encounter another “resonance” in the force, less chaotic, more focused. They follow this through a series of lost worlds and missing planets, leading them to one conclusion: a “planet eater” is coming. They naturally encounter the Silver Surfer, and when their pleadings to spare the Earth are ignored, they try to drive him off by any means necessary, setting up the fight.
Eventually, the Four make contact with the Nova Corps, and join them in an attempt to stop Galactus, who is revealed to us for the first time, from destroying the Nova Corps’ home world of Xandar. Despite all of their skill and power and technology, they are unable to save Xandar, which is consumed by Galactus, who then proceeds towards Earth…with yet one more stop to make along the way. The Four help the Nova Corps set up a new home on “New Xandar” and return to Earth to warn them and to help prepare them as best as possible for Galactus.
2001: Thor: Ragnarök
We the audience are greeted once again by Loki, who has the most fascinating story to tell us, of course, “About fantastic worlds, how they live and breathe…and how they die.” This of course has him periodically narrate the film, and we have plenty of reason to suspect he’s not telling us the whole truth. But along the way we get to see Asgard in all of its glory for the first time since the flashbacks in The Mighty Thor. We have more adventures with our Aesir friends like Thor and Sif and Heimdall and Odin and The Warriors Three as they battle the Frost Giants. We see “Stupid, stupid Thor and his bumbling friends,” as Loki puts it, “living it up so well, and on the backs of the Frost Giants.”
It's a fun popcorn adventure, full of quips and crazy action and eye candy…and it’s naturally, as the title suggests, going to get a lot darker.
(Image source Disney+)
Because Loki has another idea to “shake things up a bit”. All in the name of “a good story”, of course.
Loki now shows and tells us of how he personally tricks the Silver Surfer into finding a new path for Galactus, a “slight detour” away from Earth, and towards Asgard. The towering Galactus, he notes, bears a certain resemblance to “the old apocalyptic legends of Surtur the Fire Demon and the Fall of the Gods” and has decided that, as the Storyteller, it’s his “job” to see the Story be Told. This leads directly to the Battle of Ragnarök where the Aesir, taking many losses, seem to have turned the tide on Galactus, weakening him enough that he’d need to “rest for a million years” to recover.
So, with the “story” faltering, Loki enlists the enemies of Asgard, releases the giant wolf Fenris and the World Serpent Jormungandr, and the Frost Giants and Dark Elves and soon the armies of Asgard are defeated and scattered, and Galactus is able to “eat” Asgard, absorb its “Magic” (Phoenix Force), and is thus recovered enough to move on towards Earth.
“The Story must go on,” Loki tells the audience with an evil smirk.
Thor, meanwhile, mourning the death of his father Odin and many of his friends, leads the survivors towards Earth to “defeat the Planet Eater and avenge Asgard!”
2002: The Avengers: Ashes of the Phoenix
And the Story indeed goes on in Ashes of the Phoenix, where Thor and the surviving Asgardians arrive as refugees on Earth, where Thor reconnects with the Avengers just in time for the Dark Phoenix to return. The Avengers and SHIELD reassemble their allies among the scattered Mutant Colonies and unite once more for when the Dark Phoenix returns to, as Red Skull puts it, “Purge Earth of its heroes and open the way for His Ascendence!”
(Image source Games Radar)
They are soon joined by The Fantastic Four and a small squad of Nova Corps members, who along with Thor have borne witness to the apocalyptic power of Galactus. But there’s “a closer alligator to the boat,” as Tony says, for The Phoenix has been detected. Naturally, much of the film involves getting the various distrustful factions of the earth united behind the Avengers. Even Doom sees the greater threat, and offers Latveria’s aid. Even President Kelly, despite his dislike for the Mutants, realizes that there is “a greater threat” and joins the world in preparing for the return of The Phoenix.
And to this end The Avengers have a secret weapon: Wanda Maximoff, who has absorbed much of the Phoenix Force herself, and is the one being seemingly able to stand up to The Phoenix. The ensuing battle is hard and devastating, and nearly apocalyptic by itself. But even she can’t fully contain the damage, and in the end it’s not brute force that stops The Phoenix, it’s an act of compassion, the protection of a group of children by our heroes, that allows Jean Grey’s defenses to drop enough for Professor X to reach her, and remind her of who she is…and more critically what she has done in her “rage”.
(Image source indigo.ca)
Faced with the dark consequences of her actions, Jean fights the Phoenix Force, driving it from her at the cost of her own life. Body “shredded at the molecular level”, Jean dies in Cyclops’s arms.
And watching over everything is the Silver Surfer, who admonishes them for their “short-sighted foolishness.” He also notes that, there “will have to be another” to bring forth the New World, seeming to pay close attention to Wanda, before flying off in a flash.
2002: The Scarlet Witch
X3 and The Avengers introduced us to Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, the former as a moderately powerful Mutant who could control energy with her hands. And when she is flooded with the full brunt of the Phoenix Force she emerges as something far more powerful: the one being able to stand up to The Phoenix. And with the “Decade of the Witch” (as the ongoing witch craze was called) at its peak in the early 2000s, it was natural that she’d get her own film, and one critical to the ongoing second Phase of the MMU.
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(Image source Polygon)
Marvel Productions reportedly spent a long time trying to determine how to handle Magic and the Supernatural, with The Phoenix Force ultimately determined to be its “source”. Some people even without mutation are just able to tap into it. And some, practitioners or possibly tools of “Chaos Magic”, have it tap into them!! Wanda, empowered by the Phoenix Force, has become its ultimate vessel: the much-prophesized “Scarlet Witch”.
With The Dark Phoenix defeated and Galactus not yet here, Wanda instead is pulled into a clandestine world of magic, witchcraft, and sorcery as Agatha Harkness (Angela Lansbury, who is clearly having far too much fun being evil) tries to enlist her into a dark conspiracy full of ancient orders (which includes Hydra), and a war within the “Sorcerous World” between those who support Hydra in its quest to support Galactus against “the greater evil” and those who don’t for a variety of selfish or altruistic reasons. Hydra, in alliance with “The Circle of the Ten Rings”, seeks to either recruit Wanda to their cause, or else see her killed and her Chaotic powers seized for “a more worthy vessel”.
And another faction, the Sorcerers Supreme, most notably Earth’s Sorcerer Supreme, Dr. Steven Strange (Gary Oldman), are divided on how best to deal with this “Vessel of Chaos Magic”.
Things take an even stranger turn in one scene that seemed random to casual viewers at the time, but paid off later, when Wanda, pulled into the chaos of the various dimensions, unable to control herself, at one-point lands at the feet of a group of towering humanoids, which Marvel fans immediately recognize as The Celestials. The central Celestial (never named, but clearly Arshem the Judge) raises his hand and Wanda is pulled up before him by invisible hands. Scarlet light is pulled from her eyes and mouth to his forehead. He says something in an alien language, and sweeps his hand as is shoeing her away, and she flies through a portal back to earth.
Filled with psychedelic imagery right out of Jack Kirby’s Age of Aquarius comics, The Scarlet Witch is a strange film (no pun intended), that none the less sets up not only magic and other realms, but sets up the existence of a “shall not be named” Greater Threat than even Galactus!
And it becomes clear that Wanda and Dr. Strange, and indeed the whole of the Marvel Universe, will need to choose what they believe the Greater Good to be!
2002: Iron Man: Curse of the Mandarin
With magic established and the Circle of the Ten Rings introduced, it’s hardly a big leap for audiences to meet The Mandarin (Donnie Yen), an ancient sorcerer who seeks to aid Galactus for his own selfish purposes. Name dropped in Iron Man and briefly shown in The Scarlet Witch, he now appears to try and undermine The Avengers by attacking whom he perceives to be the “weakest link”, the selfish (and backsliding into alcoholism following the trauma of the Phoenix War) Tony Stark.
(Image source IGN)
Tony must now enlist Rhodey as the War Machine and some of the other Avengers to help battle the forces of The Mandarin as they try to not only protect Tony and Pepper and the rest, but keep the Avengers Assembled, which is difficult when the enemy can literally manipulate your mind.
The film not only introduces us further to the world of magic and helps set up the events of Dr. Strange and, ultimately, The End, but gives us more insight into how magic, mutation, super-science, and the Phoenix Force all play in together.
2003: Four
Marvel Productions must have felt very clever with this title, as it’s both the 4th Fantastic Four film, but also because of its themes of fours: four acts, four elements, for factions, four factors, four truths…you get it. Joss loves the number four, I guess…anyway.
(Image source Jimmy Cormick on Pinterest)
Galactus is approaching Earth, and all know that apocalypse will follow if he reaches it. The Four head out to try and talk him out of it, hoping that with the Phoenix defeated, that Galactus will look for a “softer target”. They approach and are intercepted by the Silver Surfer, who acts as a negotiator, since Galactus will not speak directly with them. After negotiations, they find that they are wasting their time “These insects cannot hope to comprehend the burden of my duty,” says Galactus to SS.
“The Great Galactus does not accept your bargain,” says the Silver Surfer.
“Well, that’s one way to translate that,” says Johnny.
The Four try to take physical action, but are quickly repulsed. They return to earth (Galactus seems to be in no particular hurry) and, after much work in organizing this strange “expeditionary force”, the Four and the Nova Corps have recruited Doom, SHIELD, The Avengers, Wakanda, various mutants, the US Space Command, and other foreign militaries in a plan to defeat him in space, away from the earth. They head out to the edge of the Solar System and launch a massive battle against SS and Galactus, but despite all of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes helping out, they are defeated and retreat back to Earth to plan anew. Only The Scarlet Witch seems able to slow his advance, causing Galactus to actually speak to her (“You bear a part of my mark, child, but corrupted.”) before tossing her through a portal of some sort, Dr. Strange diving in after her, us briefly following them as they twist through a land of shadow and harsh light.
Back on earth, the defeated alliance of convenience makes new plans. They are approached by Dr. Strange and The Scarlet Witch, who propose a plan, having learned some things while in the pocket dimension. They will use SW’s chaos magic to tap into another reality, one which appears to resonate opposite of the Phoenix Force that seems to emanate from Galactus and all that he touches. They devise a new plan, one which would leave Galactus trapped in an alternate dimension, unable to harm Earth, and set out to make it happen.
As Galactus reaches the Earth, they set their plan into action. Using a confusing strategy, they manage to divert and delay, then trap Silver Surfer, then proceed to spring their trap on Galactus. Calling upon her Chaos magic, Wanda, aided by Dr. Strange, has started to build a shell of temporal-dimensional flux around Galactus. But The Mandarin and Red Skull and their allies and minions intervene, resulting in the alliance fighting them in a means to give the two magicians their chance to finish the job. Ultimately, Wanda’s magic is interrupted, leaving Galactus frozen, but only for a short amount of time, looming there, “trapped between time”. Delayed, not defeated, Galactus still literally looms over the earth.
The alliance has succeeded for now, but a new plan will be required to save earth once and for all. Dr. Strange and the Scarlet Witch vow to find a way.
2003: Dr. Strange
We start with Dr. Strange on a mission, battling a Chaos Demon and gathering exposition. We are slowly learning more about the forces of order and chaos, light and dark, and the place of The Scarlet Witch in all of this. The demon mocks Strange, “curious” about his loyalties “when one day you aid the forces of chaos and the next you oppose them.”
(Image source Auburn Tyssen on Pintrest)
This battle and conversation sends Strange down a rabbit hole of occult investigations, clashes and conversations with Hydra and the Ten Rings, and long hours poring through ancient tomes. He learns in snippets that the forces aiding Galactus believe that He is a savior against a greater threat, though fully admit that earth will be “remade” in a manner in which billions will die. In all of these battles, a few side characters reveal themselves to the audience to be Loki, still sewing further chaos into the mix for purposes that none seem able to discern.
Dr. Strange conducts alchemical experiments hoping to divine the nature of the Threat that Galactus opposes, and in one failed attempt at divination, is pulled temporarily into his own past, reliving the accident that cost him his medical career, but sent him down the path to magic, and gives us a flashback of his tutelage with The Ancient One, including his rivalry with, and ultimate defeat of, fellow student Baron Karl Amadeus Mordo (Terence Stamp), who’d dabbled in Dark Magics and tried to assassinate and replace The Ancient One. Upon being violently pulled back into his current life, Dr. Strange instinctively knows that Mordo must hold the answer.
He travels far into the Himalayas to find The Ancient One, but finds that much has changed. Wong (Wah Yuen), the Ancient One’s attaché, tells him that The Ancient One has walled himself away for the last ten years in a mystic cocoon, “preparing for the end of reality”. Assuming that he means Galactus, he is shocked to learn that there is another, possibly greater threat to earth and indeed everything, than the planet eater, whose plans for earth move beyond “mere snack”. As he approaches The Ancient One’s cocoon, it unravels and The Ancient One (Chow Yun-fat) steps out, having been “waiting” for this moment. In discussions with The Ancient One and others, Dr. Strange is learning more about a demon of great and chaotic power who would unmake Reality, held back from the mortal realms by a gossamer-thin wall…a wall which is about to come crashing down.
Strange is given the Eye of Agamotto, a powerful artifact that will protect him and help him find Mordo, who indeed holds the secret, and is sent on his way. As he leaves, a young sorceress-monk that had been assisting Wong and helped steer the conversation in subtle ways, reveals herself to be Loki.
Travelling to the dimensional plane where Mordo lives in a strange negative version of Earth, Strange confronts him. Amid their talks, and battles, Mordo reveals that Galactus’ purpose is to use the Phoenix Force, in reality a part of his own essence, to rebuilt the world into a new realm of pure Phoenix Energy populated only by him and his Heralds that will help him defeat a bigger enemy: the Demon of Ultimate Darkness and Chaos, Dormammu! Mordo, who is aiding Dormammu, who will destroy not just earth with his actions, but the entirety of reality as we know it, thanks Strange for his inadvertent “help”, and traps him in a shell of crystal. Mordo then takes Strange’s form, and vows to “help the fools [Avengers] who will help free my Master!”
As he leaves, presumably to help The Avengers fully defeat Galactus, Loki steps out from the shadows, approaches Strange, and gives some commentary about the “Story”, and Strange’s “Small, but important role” in it all, which “is not yet fully told.” He then flicks the crystal that imprisons Strange, which cracks ever so slightly.
“Just wait,” he tells Strange, “the Exciting Climax comes next!”
2004: The Avengers: World War
With the stakes fully laid out to the audience in Dr. Strange, The Extended Avengers (for lack of a better term for the anti-Galactus alliance) Assemble as the temporary time pocket that The Scarlet Witch erected starts to break down. Among them is one who appears to be Dr. Strange, but is in fact Baron Mordo, who is working to mentor – and manipulate – Wanda into doing his bidding. And Pietro “Quicksilver” Maximoff knows that something is not right.
(Image source Skull Devill on Pinterest)
The bickering factions within the Extended Avengers (X-Vengers?) argue about how to defeat Galactus. Cap, Sue Storm, and Professor X want to find a way to bargain with Him. Magneto insists that “we must destroy this existential threat.” T’Challa agrees, as do Thor, Thing, and whom they assume to be Dr. Strange. Tony Stark wonders if there is a way to bribe Him to “find another planet”. Doom openly wonders what you could possibly bribe Him with, and reiterates that He must be destroyed (“It is the only possible way!”). Nick Fury tries to mediate, but leans towards “kill”. This argument isn’t helped by Agent Kilo (Patton Oswalt) whose seemingly-bumbling missteps just sew further discord and distrust. Conversations between an imprisoned Red Skull and Thor and the Asgardians suggest that early magical meddling by Asgard on Earth led to a weak point on Earth that in turn would lead to “Earth becoming a dangerous gateway.” Red Skull implies that Galactus had “foreseen this moment” and had “prepared the planet for this moment eons ago, gathering his strength, [by devouring] one planet at a time.”
Things get further confused when an anti-Avenger alliance of Hydra and the Ten Rings and other villains and groups introduced over the course of the franchise (including two-thirds of the White Gorilla Army, who, unwilling to be on the same side as Wakanda, did not follow M'Baku to Team X-Venger), attack, hoping to clear the way for Galactus, a recently escaped (thanks to Kilo/Loki) Red Skull, The Mandarin, and Agnes Harkness seemingly trying to out-ham one another.
This epic confrontation, an extended set of combat set pieces, leads us to the midpoint, where the X-Vengers emerge victorious, but battered…just in time for the time pocket holding Galactus to come crashing down, freeing him and the Silver Surfer, who tells us “Rejoice, people of this planet, for your sacrifice shall be the salvation of all!”
A battered Red Skull, still restrained by Captain America, cheers loudly.
Without any hopes of making a real plan, the X-Vengers can do little but fight in a delaying tactic against the powerful Galactus. The action set pieces display clever and combined uses of the superheroes’ powers as they fight to contain, constrain, or at least delay the planet eater from his devastating plans. Almost immediately there are losses as Juggernaut is stomped flat by Galactus and Ice Man is melted by an energy blast. Wanda has been doing her best, but can only delay and distract, with Pietro having to protect her from the Silver Surfer in what fans dubbed “the clash of the Silvers”.
Realizing that The Scarlet Witch is his biggest threat, Galactus redoubles his efforts to quash her. “That one: the infernal power is within her! Slay her!”
Now all the X-Vengers must work together to protect Wanda, whom even the dimmest realize holds the key to stopping Galactus. Mordo-Strange gives her more advice, guiding her to call further upon the chaos and “dark fires”.
“Feel it, Wanda…feel His dark presence! Let that power flow through you!”
Fully engulfed now in burning fires of scarlet, she blasts Galactus, nearly incinerates SS, and Galactus screams and appears about to disintegrate in the scarlet fires.
“You fools!” yells Red Skull, who is tied to a tree. “You will doom us all!!”
A grinning Agent Kilo, sitting next to RS eating popcorn, says, “But hey, it’ll be one hell of a show, right, Skully?” he elbow-bumps RS.
Suddenly, the real Dr. Strange appears, blindsides Mordo (who reverts to his true form), and knocks Wanda aside with a blast of mystical energy. Galactus now regains his power, but Dr. Strange flies up to him and engages him in speech. Angry at Strange’s “insolence and arrogance” in assuming that he can speak directly to Galactus, a battered Silver Surfer goes to intervene, but Galactus waves him away. Dr. Strange and Galactus speak, Strange trying to negotiate “another way”, only to be told “there is no other way. Your world must choose between its own destruction, or the destruction of your entire reality.”
They will have to choose soon, because Wanda, eyes red, gets up and blasts the sky with her fire, causing a rift in reality to open, and the fiery head of Dormammu leans in.
To be continued…….
2004: Avengers: The End
And thus, the final film of Phase II begins with a literal BANG: as two colossal beings, each intent on the destruction of earth as we know it, begin a massive brawl, with hell to pay for all of humanity below regardless of who wins. With some exposition to catch us up on the events, our heroes and even villains at this point must intervene to stop the destruction. Some, like Red Skull and The Mandarin, will intervene on the side of Galactus. Some, like Mordo, will intervene on the side of Dormammu (voiced by Clancy Brown). Most will simply try to prevent collateral damage caused by the mighty clash or simply stare in shock at the incomprehensible horror of what they are witnessing.
(Image source Quora)
Thinking quickly, the X-Vengers devise a plan that, while they can’t defeat the giant beings, they can at least lead them away from earth and limit the damage for the time being (Reed: “If we can’t save the world at the moment, then we can at least buy it some time.”). In a series of attacks and feints and redirections, Wanda playing a critical role since she’s been partially empowered by both beings, they manage to lure the battling behemoths out into space, buying them some time, but fully aware that whoever wins, the earth as they know it and most of its people are doomed.
But rather than regroup to plan, Wanda suddenly seems to have an epiphany or hear a distant call and opens a portal in space-time and vanishes through it. When Dr. Strange goes to follow, Loki interferes, delaying him until the portal closes. “Not yet, Doc,” admonishes Loki. “The fun hasn’t yet started!” and vanishes in a flash of flame.
We follow Wanda now as she, having clearly learned a few tricks from Dr. Strange, travels from realm to realm, until she is finally greeted by a shadowy figure with six glowing eyes.
Back on earth, the X-Vengers, working with Dr. Strange, are devising a way to defeat and imprison the two battling beings. They concoct a way of channeling mystical energy through a series of antennas, realizing that “even the smallest miscalculation” will render the plan futile. They set the plan into motion in a running fight that sees more heroes and villains killed, including Cyclops, Pyro, Johnny Storm, and even Colossus. Nick Fury willingly sacrifices himself to save Kitty Pride, with Gyrich inheriting the Directorship. Realizing what is about to happen with the plan, Galactus intervenes, with Captain America moving to make a self-sacrifice to stop him, only for Magneto to pull Cap away by his shield and sacrifice himself, nodding to Cap before he’s consumed by dark energy.
Much seems to be working right with the plan, which has both beings encased in a field, but at the last second Mordo, tipped off by Loki, who assures him that he’s “inevitably on the side that generates the greatest disorder”, intervenes, sabotaging the system, causing it to stun Galactus, but leave Dormammu free to fully tear down the “gossamer barrier”, ready to consume Reality in an “inferno of fire and chaos.”
Dormammu immediately rips Reed Richards to pieces with mystic energy (ironically sacrificing himself to save a befuddled Doom). He badly wounds Spider-Man. Hulk is stomped into the ground, moaning in pain. Thor is encased in a shell of light. Iron Man is shot from the sky, fate unknown.
Mordo, Loki by his side, proclaims the “complete victory of entropy over order, and darkness over the light.”
“And isn’t the victory of entropy and the ensuing heat death of the universe an order of its own?” asks Loki, knowingly. “I mean, no molecular movement, no change, just endless…nothing. It certainly sounds boring, and, well, we can’t have that, now, can we?”
Suddenly the fabric of reality seems to shake and blur and reality itself rends apart. The Scarlet Witch suddenly phases back into reality in a glow of scarlet. Suddenly we see a squadron of giant humanoids – The Celestials – appearing on the scene. The Celestials intervene between Dormammu and Galactus, casting Dormammu back across the gossamer barrier. Galactus, his purpose with earth suddenly moot, simply turns around and leaves without saying a word, the Silver Surfer saying “another time, perhaps,” before following after.
The various teams, individuals, and factions gather, The Celestials looking down. As Wanda descends, The Celestials turn and the rift in reality closes behind them.
As Wanda walks among the others, glowing with scarlet power, Doom nods his head and soon all of the others approach her. She tells them that “A bargain has been made. In time, there will be a price to pay, but that is for another day.” She then vanishes in a blast of scarlet light. Agent Kilo walks up, whistling and applauding.
The others all say their goodbyes, T’Challa making amends with M’Windaji and Doom openly bowing to Sue Storm, and head on their way, weary, but relieved that the day has been saved.
The film then ends with Agent Kilo walking up to the camera, and giving us a last bit of exposition about “The Grand Story”, the criticality of stories to “Sapient species”, his part in “shaping” and “telling” it, and (transforming into Loki mid-sentence) “Just how incredibly much fun it all was. I mean, were you not entertained? I certainly was.”
(Image source CBR)
The camera then dollies 180-degrees until it is behind Loki, and finally we see through the Fourth Wall to where a group of very irritated Watchers is observing and recording it all (each subtly coded in their facial features to resemble Stan Lee, Jim Shooter, Jim Henson, and other Marvel and Disney executives).
“Every audience loves a good story, after all!”
Phase III (2005-2012): A Much-Needed Break
With the epic conclusion of Avengers: The End, and the “Celestial Stalemate” that holds the peace, all of our beloved surviving characters from Peter Parker to the remaining X-Men and Fantastic Four to The Avengers to Dr. Strange can rest easy…for a relative degree of “easy” when you’re a superhero.
Realizing that “topping” the literally-celestial conclusion of The End would be “a race to ridiculousness” to quote Kevin Feige, the Marvel team decided to make “Phase III” a “rest period” for the audience as well as the main characters, most of whom would “retire” save in cameo. The first Marvel film of 2005 would thus be a new Spider-Man film, with Peter Parker finally getting to marry Mary Jane and settle down, handing the mantle of Spider-Man to a new Spidey. Bruce Banner would finally get his “missing” second film, a “prequel” of sorts set immediately after the events of the 1994 film that helped set the stage for his reappearance in The Avengers. Captain America would return for a third (and last) time alongside Falcon and (of all people) Victor von Doom to finally purge the residual taint of Hydra and Hellfire from the worlds’ governments, including seeing the end of the fascist government of President Kelly and a return to democracy. The Nova Core would get their own space-based film, introducing Nova himself as the citizens of New Xandar come to terms with the fact that the planet that they chose is, in fact, a living planet that calls itself “Ego”.
The most notable event of this would be "the Ultron arc", which introduced Hank Pym (Simon Pegg) and his wife, hired by SHIELD to develop a way to protect the earth from future threats: Project Ultron, culminating in Iron Man: Armor Wars, in which ol' Mr. Roboto was revealed as the true Big Bad. Wanda, as a result, would have a second film, and even find love in The Vision, an artificial intelligence that was a strange side-effect of the Ultron experiments. Hawkeye makes his debut in the SHIELD series, eventually joining Black Widow to assist The Defenders in their made-for-TV crossover film, building off of the Daredevil TV series. Captain Marvel is introduced, as is Ms. Marvel, and with them the Kree and Skrull and other space-based personalities, such as Nebula, Mantis, and Adam Warlock.
And, as 2012 dawned, with the audience presumably well-rested, it was time to properly return to Earth #307135... well, in a fashion. [3].
[1] Numerous hat-tips to @Nathanoraptor, @Ogrebear, @Plateosaurus, Mr. Harris, @Nerdman3000, @lord Yam, and @TrevorFromStarWars for the Marvel assist
[2] Plot developed by @Ogrebear.
[3] Which I will leave for others, the details of Phase III as well.
Comics Craze, July 4th, 2020
In 1991 Spider-Man swung onto the big screen for the first time. A stand-alone film at the time, the webslinger enchanted audiences with a combination of bleeding-edge effects and Seth Green’s natural charm. A decade later in 2001, that one little film had exploded into a Movie Universe, Earth #307135, which “spelled” “Movies” if you looked at it right. This first “Phase” of the Marvel film franchise, which we discussed last week, finally enacted Sam Raimi’s long-held desire for a massive movie crossover event of the type frequently done in the comics. In the end, the X-Men and the Avengers would team up to battle a new threat to earth’s existence: The Dark Phoenix.[1]
And yet, as the early 2000s would reveal, Dark Phoenix was just the beginning, the “Harbinger” of an even greater threat who was, it turns out, the harbinger of a yet even greater threat. Internet leaks had already “spoiled” the appearance of Galactus long before the Big Reveal in X3, but Galactus, in turn, was battling something even greater. It was an idea that Raimi had recycled from his original plans for the DCMU before he was removed by WB Executive Tim Roth for someone more “frugal”.
As such, Phase II of Earth# 307135 would start with The End of the World as we Know it, and that was just the start. In the following sections, we will go movie-by-movie, describing their basic plots and stories and ultimately leading to the final showdown. I’d warn you about Spoilers, but seriously, it’s been almost 20 years. Get over yourself.
2001: Captain America: Sins of the Past
In Cap 1 we got a peek into the world of Earth #307135 in its World War II, where SHIELD gets its origins and Hydra has plans much bigger than their Nazi enablers. We also got a view of how much had changed in the US thanks to the rise of anti-Mutant fearmongering, and the parallels between Kelly and Hitler. In Cap 2, we see Cap confront SHIELD’s own dark past by way of a series of Tuskegee-like experiments conducted on Black soldiers in the late 1940s through 1950s intended to recreate the Super-Soldier Serum. Howard Stark’s journal even notes the irony that these experiments, done “to honor the lost Captain America”, would have been abhorred by the Captain himself. We learn that Hydra’s tentacles have a long reach and how Dr. Zemo’s “recruitment”, in a direct allegory for Operation Paperclip, has set the stage for the Hellfire Club, The Sentinels, and, ultimately, the fall of American democracy in favor of an authoritarian government that is really a pawn of Hydra.[2]
(Image source Express.co.uk)
Cap’s revelations become our revelations as we learn more of how the rise of Mutants was a strange byproduct of Red Skull’s true aim, the Rise of the Phoenix, a human vessel for the Phoenix Force intended to “prepare” the Earth for the foretold Ragnarök-like moment when Galactus would arrive and reshape it “to greater purpose”. “The fires of the Phoenix shall purge the planet of foolish resistance and set the stage for His triumph!” Red Skull tells Cap. “And those of us who aided His rise shall be rewarded.”
2001: Fantastic 4: Herald of the End Times
Even if Galactus’ coming hadn’t been leaked, most fanboys and fangirls would have known from this title, despite their best efforts to not make it obvious, what, or more precisely who, was coming. The titular “Herald” could only be the Silver Surfer, who’d made a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo in Fan 4 II, and SS could only (unless Marvel Productions was full of idiots) be the herald for one celestial being.
(Image source Go Collect)
Still, as set up at the opening of The Avengers, The Four were heading out into space to discern the source of the Phoenix Force. And this film follows them, presumably concurrent to the events of The Avengers. The Four travel through space, tracking the residual Phoenix Force signature, and encounter another “resonance” in the force, less chaotic, more focused. They follow this through a series of lost worlds and missing planets, leading them to one conclusion: a “planet eater” is coming. They naturally encounter the Silver Surfer, and when their pleadings to spare the Earth are ignored, they try to drive him off by any means necessary, setting up the fight.
Eventually, the Four make contact with the Nova Corps, and join them in an attempt to stop Galactus, who is revealed to us for the first time, from destroying the Nova Corps’ home world of Xandar. Despite all of their skill and power and technology, they are unable to save Xandar, which is consumed by Galactus, who then proceeds towards Earth…with yet one more stop to make along the way. The Four help the Nova Corps set up a new home on “New Xandar” and return to Earth to warn them and to help prepare them as best as possible for Galactus.
2001: Thor: Ragnarök
We the audience are greeted once again by Loki, who has the most fascinating story to tell us, of course, “About fantastic worlds, how they live and breathe…and how they die.” This of course has him periodically narrate the film, and we have plenty of reason to suspect he’s not telling us the whole truth. But along the way we get to see Asgard in all of its glory for the first time since the flashbacks in The Mighty Thor. We have more adventures with our Aesir friends like Thor and Sif and Heimdall and Odin and The Warriors Three as they battle the Frost Giants. We see “Stupid, stupid Thor and his bumbling friends,” as Loki puts it, “living it up so well, and on the backs of the Frost Giants.”
It's a fun popcorn adventure, full of quips and crazy action and eye candy…and it’s naturally, as the title suggests, going to get a lot darker.
(Image source Disney+)
Because Loki has another idea to “shake things up a bit”. All in the name of “a good story”, of course.
Loki now shows and tells us of how he personally tricks the Silver Surfer into finding a new path for Galactus, a “slight detour” away from Earth, and towards Asgard. The towering Galactus, he notes, bears a certain resemblance to “the old apocalyptic legends of Surtur the Fire Demon and the Fall of the Gods” and has decided that, as the Storyteller, it’s his “job” to see the Story be Told. This leads directly to the Battle of Ragnarök where the Aesir, taking many losses, seem to have turned the tide on Galactus, weakening him enough that he’d need to “rest for a million years” to recover.
So, with the “story” faltering, Loki enlists the enemies of Asgard, releases the giant wolf Fenris and the World Serpent Jormungandr, and the Frost Giants and Dark Elves and soon the armies of Asgard are defeated and scattered, and Galactus is able to “eat” Asgard, absorb its “Magic” (Phoenix Force), and is thus recovered enough to move on towards Earth.
“The Story must go on,” Loki tells the audience with an evil smirk.
Thor, meanwhile, mourning the death of his father Odin and many of his friends, leads the survivors towards Earth to “defeat the Planet Eater and avenge Asgard!”
2002: The Avengers: Ashes of the Phoenix
And the Story indeed goes on in Ashes of the Phoenix, where Thor and the surviving Asgardians arrive as refugees on Earth, where Thor reconnects with the Avengers just in time for the Dark Phoenix to return. The Avengers and SHIELD reassemble their allies among the scattered Mutant Colonies and unite once more for when the Dark Phoenix returns to, as Red Skull puts it, “Purge Earth of its heroes and open the way for His Ascendence!”
(Image source Games Radar)
They are soon joined by The Fantastic Four and a small squad of Nova Corps members, who along with Thor have borne witness to the apocalyptic power of Galactus. But there’s “a closer alligator to the boat,” as Tony says, for The Phoenix has been detected. Naturally, much of the film involves getting the various distrustful factions of the earth united behind the Avengers. Even Doom sees the greater threat, and offers Latveria’s aid. Even President Kelly, despite his dislike for the Mutants, realizes that there is “a greater threat” and joins the world in preparing for the return of The Phoenix.
And to this end The Avengers have a secret weapon: Wanda Maximoff, who has absorbed much of the Phoenix Force herself, and is the one being seemingly able to stand up to The Phoenix. The ensuing battle is hard and devastating, and nearly apocalyptic by itself. But even she can’t fully contain the damage, and in the end it’s not brute force that stops The Phoenix, it’s an act of compassion, the protection of a group of children by our heroes, that allows Jean Grey’s defenses to drop enough for Professor X to reach her, and remind her of who she is…and more critically what she has done in her “rage”.
(Image source indigo.ca)
Faced with the dark consequences of her actions, Jean fights the Phoenix Force, driving it from her at the cost of her own life. Body “shredded at the molecular level”, Jean dies in Cyclops’s arms.
And watching over everything is the Silver Surfer, who admonishes them for their “short-sighted foolishness.” He also notes that, there “will have to be another” to bring forth the New World, seeming to pay close attention to Wanda, before flying off in a flash.
2002: The Scarlet Witch
X3 and The Avengers introduced us to Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, the former as a moderately powerful Mutant who could control energy with her hands. And when she is flooded with the full brunt of the Phoenix Force she emerges as something far more powerful: the one being able to stand up to The Phoenix. And with the “Decade of the Witch” (as the ongoing witch craze was called) at its peak in the early 2000s, it was natural that she’d get her own film, and one critical to the ongoing second Phase of the MMU.
(Image source Polygon)
Marvel Productions reportedly spent a long time trying to determine how to handle Magic and the Supernatural, with The Phoenix Force ultimately determined to be its “source”. Some people even without mutation are just able to tap into it. And some, practitioners or possibly tools of “Chaos Magic”, have it tap into them!! Wanda, empowered by the Phoenix Force, has become its ultimate vessel: the much-prophesized “Scarlet Witch”.
With The Dark Phoenix defeated and Galactus not yet here, Wanda instead is pulled into a clandestine world of magic, witchcraft, and sorcery as Agatha Harkness (Angela Lansbury, who is clearly having far too much fun being evil) tries to enlist her into a dark conspiracy full of ancient orders (which includes Hydra), and a war within the “Sorcerous World” between those who support Hydra in its quest to support Galactus against “the greater evil” and those who don’t for a variety of selfish or altruistic reasons. Hydra, in alliance with “The Circle of the Ten Rings”, seeks to either recruit Wanda to their cause, or else see her killed and her Chaotic powers seized for “a more worthy vessel”.
And another faction, the Sorcerers Supreme, most notably Earth’s Sorcerer Supreme, Dr. Steven Strange (Gary Oldman), are divided on how best to deal with this “Vessel of Chaos Magic”.
Things take an even stranger turn in one scene that seemed random to casual viewers at the time, but paid off later, when Wanda, pulled into the chaos of the various dimensions, unable to control herself, at one-point lands at the feet of a group of towering humanoids, which Marvel fans immediately recognize as The Celestials. The central Celestial (never named, but clearly Arshem the Judge) raises his hand and Wanda is pulled up before him by invisible hands. Scarlet light is pulled from her eyes and mouth to his forehead. He says something in an alien language, and sweeps his hand as is shoeing her away, and she flies through a portal back to earth.
Filled with psychedelic imagery right out of Jack Kirby’s Age of Aquarius comics, The Scarlet Witch is a strange film (no pun intended), that none the less sets up not only magic and other realms, but sets up the existence of a “shall not be named” Greater Threat than even Galactus!
And it becomes clear that Wanda and Dr. Strange, and indeed the whole of the Marvel Universe, will need to choose what they believe the Greater Good to be!
2002: Iron Man: Curse of the Mandarin
With magic established and the Circle of the Ten Rings introduced, it’s hardly a big leap for audiences to meet The Mandarin (Donnie Yen), an ancient sorcerer who seeks to aid Galactus for his own selfish purposes. Name dropped in Iron Man and briefly shown in The Scarlet Witch, he now appears to try and undermine The Avengers by attacking whom he perceives to be the “weakest link”, the selfish (and backsliding into alcoholism following the trauma of the Phoenix War) Tony Stark.
(Image source IGN)
Tony must now enlist Rhodey as the War Machine and some of the other Avengers to help battle the forces of The Mandarin as they try to not only protect Tony and Pepper and the rest, but keep the Avengers Assembled, which is difficult when the enemy can literally manipulate your mind.
The film not only introduces us further to the world of magic and helps set up the events of Dr. Strange and, ultimately, The End, but gives us more insight into how magic, mutation, super-science, and the Phoenix Force all play in together.
2003: Four
Marvel Productions must have felt very clever with this title, as it’s both the 4th Fantastic Four film, but also because of its themes of fours: four acts, four elements, for factions, four factors, four truths…you get it. Joss loves the number four, I guess…anyway.
(Image source Jimmy Cormick on Pinterest)
Galactus is approaching Earth, and all know that apocalypse will follow if he reaches it. The Four head out to try and talk him out of it, hoping that with the Phoenix defeated, that Galactus will look for a “softer target”. They approach and are intercepted by the Silver Surfer, who acts as a negotiator, since Galactus will not speak directly with them. After negotiations, they find that they are wasting their time “These insects cannot hope to comprehend the burden of my duty,” says Galactus to SS.
“The Great Galactus does not accept your bargain,” says the Silver Surfer.
“Well, that’s one way to translate that,” says Johnny.
The Four try to take physical action, but are quickly repulsed. They return to earth (Galactus seems to be in no particular hurry) and, after much work in organizing this strange “expeditionary force”, the Four and the Nova Corps have recruited Doom, SHIELD, The Avengers, Wakanda, various mutants, the US Space Command, and other foreign militaries in a plan to defeat him in space, away from the earth. They head out to the edge of the Solar System and launch a massive battle against SS and Galactus, but despite all of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes helping out, they are defeated and retreat back to Earth to plan anew. Only The Scarlet Witch seems able to slow his advance, causing Galactus to actually speak to her (“You bear a part of my mark, child, but corrupted.”) before tossing her through a portal of some sort, Dr. Strange diving in after her, us briefly following them as they twist through a land of shadow and harsh light.
Back on earth, the defeated alliance of convenience makes new plans. They are approached by Dr. Strange and The Scarlet Witch, who propose a plan, having learned some things while in the pocket dimension. They will use SW’s chaos magic to tap into another reality, one which appears to resonate opposite of the Phoenix Force that seems to emanate from Galactus and all that he touches. They devise a new plan, one which would leave Galactus trapped in an alternate dimension, unable to harm Earth, and set out to make it happen.
As Galactus reaches the Earth, they set their plan into action. Using a confusing strategy, they manage to divert and delay, then trap Silver Surfer, then proceed to spring their trap on Galactus. Calling upon her Chaos magic, Wanda, aided by Dr. Strange, has started to build a shell of temporal-dimensional flux around Galactus. But The Mandarin and Red Skull and their allies and minions intervene, resulting in the alliance fighting them in a means to give the two magicians their chance to finish the job. Ultimately, Wanda’s magic is interrupted, leaving Galactus frozen, but only for a short amount of time, looming there, “trapped between time”. Delayed, not defeated, Galactus still literally looms over the earth.
The alliance has succeeded for now, but a new plan will be required to save earth once and for all. Dr. Strange and the Scarlet Witch vow to find a way.
2003: Dr. Strange
We start with Dr. Strange on a mission, battling a Chaos Demon and gathering exposition. We are slowly learning more about the forces of order and chaos, light and dark, and the place of The Scarlet Witch in all of this. The demon mocks Strange, “curious” about his loyalties “when one day you aid the forces of chaos and the next you oppose them.”
(Image source Auburn Tyssen on Pintrest)
This battle and conversation sends Strange down a rabbit hole of occult investigations, clashes and conversations with Hydra and the Ten Rings, and long hours poring through ancient tomes. He learns in snippets that the forces aiding Galactus believe that He is a savior against a greater threat, though fully admit that earth will be “remade” in a manner in which billions will die. In all of these battles, a few side characters reveal themselves to the audience to be Loki, still sewing further chaos into the mix for purposes that none seem able to discern.
Dr. Strange conducts alchemical experiments hoping to divine the nature of the Threat that Galactus opposes, and in one failed attempt at divination, is pulled temporarily into his own past, reliving the accident that cost him his medical career, but sent him down the path to magic, and gives us a flashback of his tutelage with The Ancient One, including his rivalry with, and ultimate defeat of, fellow student Baron Karl Amadeus Mordo (Terence Stamp), who’d dabbled in Dark Magics and tried to assassinate and replace The Ancient One. Upon being violently pulled back into his current life, Dr. Strange instinctively knows that Mordo must hold the answer.
He travels far into the Himalayas to find The Ancient One, but finds that much has changed. Wong (Wah Yuen), the Ancient One’s attaché, tells him that The Ancient One has walled himself away for the last ten years in a mystic cocoon, “preparing for the end of reality”. Assuming that he means Galactus, he is shocked to learn that there is another, possibly greater threat to earth and indeed everything, than the planet eater, whose plans for earth move beyond “mere snack”. As he approaches The Ancient One’s cocoon, it unravels and The Ancient One (Chow Yun-fat) steps out, having been “waiting” for this moment. In discussions with The Ancient One and others, Dr. Strange is learning more about a demon of great and chaotic power who would unmake Reality, held back from the mortal realms by a gossamer-thin wall…a wall which is about to come crashing down.
Strange is given the Eye of Agamotto, a powerful artifact that will protect him and help him find Mordo, who indeed holds the secret, and is sent on his way. As he leaves, a young sorceress-monk that had been assisting Wong and helped steer the conversation in subtle ways, reveals herself to be Loki.
Travelling to the dimensional plane where Mordo lives in a strange negative version of Earth, Strange confronts him. Amid their talks, and battles, Mordo reveals that Galactus’ purpose is to use the Phoenix Force, in reality a part of his own essence, to rebuilt the world into a new realm of pure Phoenix Energy populated only by him and his Heralds that will help him defeat a bigger enemy: the Demon of Ultimate Darkness and Chaos, Dormammu! Mordo, who is aiding Dormammu, who will destroy not just earth with his actions, but the entirety of reality as we know it, thanks Strange for his inadvertent “help”, and traps him in a shell of crystal. Mordo then takes Strange’s form, and vows to “help the fools [Avengers] who will help free my Master!”
As he leaves, presumably to help The Avengers fully defeat Galactus, Loki steps out from the shadows, approaches Strange, and gives some commentary about the “Story”, and Strange’s “Small, but important role” in it all, which “is not yet fully told.” He then flicks the crystal that imprisons Strange, which cracks ever so slightly.
“Just wait,” he tells Strange, “the Exciting Climax comes next!”
2004: The Avengers: World War
With the stakes fully laid out to the audience in Dr. Strange, The Extended Avengers (for lack of a better term for the anti-Galactus alliance) Assemble as the temporary time pocket that The Scarlet Witch erected starts to break down. Among them is one who appears to be Dr. Strange, but is in fact Baron Mordo, who is working to mentor – and manipulate – Wanda into doing his bidding. And Pietro “Quicksilver” Maximoff knows that something is not right.
(Image source Skull Devill on Pinterest)
The bickering factions within the Extended Avengers (X-Vengers?) argue about how to defeat Galactus. Cap, Sue Storm, and Professor X want to find a way to bargain with Him. Magneto insists that “we must destroy this existential threat.” T’Challa agrees, as do Thor, Thing, and whom they assume to be Dr. Strange. Tony Stark wonders if there is a way to bribe Him to “find another planet”. Doom openly wonders what you could possibly bribe Him with, and reiterates that He must be destroyed (“It is the only possible way!”). Nick Fury tries to mediate, but leans towards “kill”. This argument isn’t helped by Agent Kilo (Patton Oswalt) whose seemingly-bumbling missteps just sew further discord and distrust. Conversations between an imprisoned Red Skull and Thor and the Asgardians suggest that early magical meddling by Asgard on Earth led to a weak point on Earth that in turn would lead to “Earth becoming a dangerous gateway.” Red Skull implies that Galactus had “foreseen this moment” and had “prepared the planet for this moment eons ago, gathering his strength, [by devouring] one planet at a time.”
Things get further confused when an anti-Avenger alliance of Hydra and the Ten Rings and other villains and groups introduced over the course of the franchise (including two-thirds of the White Gorilla Army, who, unwilling to be on the same side as Wakanda, did not follow M'Baku to Team X-Venger), attack, hoping to clear the way for Galactus, a recently escaped (thanks to Kilo/Loki) Red Skull, The Mandarin, and Agnes Harkness seemingly trying to out-ham one another.
This epic confrontation, an extended set of combat set pieces, leads us to the midpoint, where the X-Vengers emerge victorious, but battered…just in time for the time pocket holding Galactus to come crashing down, freeing him and the Silver Surfer, who tells us “Rejoice, people of this planet, for your sacrifice shall be the salvation of all!”
A battered Red Skull, still restrained by Captain America, cheers loudly.
Without any hopes of making a real plan, the X-Vengers can do little but fight in a delaying tactic against the powerful Galactus. The action set pieces display clever and combined uses of the superheroes’ powers as they fight to contain, constrain, or at least delay the planet eater from his devastating plans. Almost immediately there are losses as Juggernaut is stomped flat by Galactus and Ice Man is melted by an energy blast. Wanda has been doing her best, but can only delay and distract, with Pietro having to protect her from the Silver Surfer in what fans dubbed “the clash of the Silvers”.
Realizing that The Scarlet Witch is his biggest threat, Galactus redoubles his efforts to quash her. “That one: the infernal power is within her! Slay her!”
Now all the X-Vengers must work together to protect Wanda, whom even the dimmest realize holds the key to stopping Galactus. Mordo-Strange gives her more advice, guiding her to call further upon the chaos and “dark fires”.
“Feel it, Wanda…feel His dark presence! Let that power flow through you!”
Fully engulfed now in burning fires of scarlet, she blasts Galactus, nearly incinerates SS, and Galactus screams and appears about to disintegrate in the scarlet fires.
“You fools!” yells Red Skull, who is tied to a tree. “You will doom us all!!”
A grinning Agent Kilo, sitting next to RS eating popcorn, says, “But hey, it’ll be one hell of a show, right, Skully?” he elbow-bumps RS.
Suddenly, the real Dr. Strange appears, blindsides Mordo (who reverts to his true form), and knocks Wanda aside with a blast of mystical energy. Galactus now regains his power, but Dr. Strange flies up to him and engages him in speech. Angry at Strange’s “insolence and arrogance” in assuming that he can speak directly to Galactus, a battered Silver Surfer goes to intervene, but Galactus waves him away. Dr. Strange and Galactus speak, Strange trying to negotiate “another way”, only to be told “there is no other way. Your world must choose between its own destruction, or the destruction of your entire reality.”
They will have to choose soon, because Wanda, eyes red, gets up and blasts the sky with her fire, causing a rift in reality to open, and the fiery head of Dormammu leans in.
To be continued…….
2004: Avengers: The End
And thus, the final film of Phase II begins with a literal BANG: as two colossal beings, each intent on the destruction of earth as we know it, begin a massive brawl, with hell to pay for all of humanity below regardless of who wins. With some exposition to catch us up on the events, our heroes and even villains at this point must intervene to stop the destruction. Some, like Red Skull and The Mandarin, will intervene on the side of Galactus. Some, like Mordo, will intervene on the side of Dormammu (voiced by Clancy Brown). Most will simply try to prevent collateral damage caused by the mighty clash or simply stare in shock at the incomprehensible horror of what they are witnessing.
(Image source Quora)
Thinking quickly, the X-Vengers devise a plan that, while they can’t defeat the giant beings, they can at least lead them away from earth and limit the damage for the time being (Reed: “If we can’t save the world at the moment, then we can at least buy it some time.”). In a series of attacks and feints and redirections, Wanda playing a critical role since she’s been partially empowered by both beings, they manage to lure the battling behemoths out into space, buying them some time, but fully aware that whoever wins, the earth as they know it and most of its people are doomed.
But rather than regroup to plan, Wanda suddenly seems to have an epiphany or hear a distant call and opens a portal in space-time and vanishes through it. When Dr. Strange goes to follow, Loki interferes, delaying him until the portal closes. “Not yet, Doc,” admonishes Loki. “The fun hasn’t yet started!” and vanishes in a flash of flame.
We follow Wanda now as she, having clearly learned a few tricks from Dr. Strange, travels from realm to realm, until she is finally greeted by a shadowy figure with six glowing eyes.
Back on earth, the X-Vengers, working with Dr. Strange, are devising a way to defeat and imprison the two battling beings. They concoct a way of channeling mystical energy through a series of antennas, realizing that “even the smallest miscalculation” will render the plan futile. They set the plan into motion in a running fight that sees more heroes and villains killed, including Cyclops, Pyro, Johnny Storm, and even Colossus. Nick Fury willingly sacrifices himself to save Kitty Pride, with Gyrich inheriting the Directorship. Realizing what is about to happen with the plan, Galactus intervenes, with Captain America moving to make a self-sacrifice to stop him, only for Magneto to pull Cap away by his shield and sacrifice himself, nodding to Cap before he’s consumed by dark energy.
Much seems to be working right with the plan, which has both beings encased in a field, but at the last second Mordo, tipped off by Loki, who assures him that he’s “inevitably on the side that generates the greatest disorder”, intervenes, sabotaging the system, causing it to stun Galactus, but leave Dormammu free to fully tear down the “gossamer barrier”, ready to consume Reality in an “inferno of fire and chaos.”
Dormammu immediately rips Reed Richards to pieces with mystic energy (ironically sacrificing himself to save a befuddled Doom). He badly wounds Spider-Man. Hulk is stomped into the ground, moaning in pain. Thor is encased in a shell of light. Iron Man is shot from the sky, fate unknown.
Mordo, Loki by his side, proclaims the “complete victory of entropy over order, and darkness over the light.”
“And isn’t the victory of entropy and the ensuing heat death of the universe an order of its own?” asks Loki, knowingly. “I mean, no molecular movement, no change, just endless…nothing. It certainly sounds boring, and, well, we can’t have that, now, can we?”
Suddenly the fabric of reality seems to shake and blur and reality itself rends apart. The Scarlet Witch suddenly phases back into reality in a glow of scarlet. Suddenly we see a squadron of giant humanoids – The Celestials – appearing on the scene. The Celestials intervene between Dormammu and Galactus, casting Dormammu back across the gossamer barrier. Galactus, his purpose with earth suddenly moot, simply turns around and leaves without saying a word, the Silver Surfer saying “another time, perhaps,” before following after.
The various teams, individuals, and factions gather, The Celestials looking down. As Wanda descends, The Celestials turn and the rift in reality closes behind them.
As Wanda walks among the others, glowing with scarlet power, Doom nods his head and soon all of the others approach her. She tells them that “A bargain has been made. In time, there will be a price to pay, but that is for another day.” She then vanishes in a blast of scarlet light. Agent Kilo walks up, whistling and applauding.
The others all say their goodbyes, T’Challa making amends with M’Windaji and Doom openly bowing to Sue Storm, and head on their way, weary, but relieved that the day has been saved.
The film then ends with Agent Kilo walking up to the camera, and giving us a last bit of exposition about “The Grand Story”, the criticality of stories to “Sapient species”, his part in “shaping” and “telling” it, and (transforming into Loki mid-sentence) “Just how incredibly much fun it all was. I mean, were you not entertained? I certainly was.”
(Image source CBR)
The camera then dollies 180-degrees until it is behind Loki, and finally we see through the Fourth Wall to where a group of very irritated Watchers is observing and recording it all (each subtly coded in their facial features to resemble Stan Lee, Jim Shooter, Jim Henson, and other Marvel and Disney executives).
“Every audience loves a good story, after all!”
Phase III (2005-2012): A Much-Needed Break
With the epic conclusion of Avengers: The End, and the “Celestial Stalemate” that holds the peace, all of our beloved surviving characters from Peter Parker to the remaining X-Men and Fantastic Four to The Avengers to Dr. Strange can rest easy…for a relative degree of “easy” when you’re a superhero.
Realizing that “topping” the literally-celestial conclusion of The End would be “a race to ridiculousness” to quote Kevin Feige, the Marvel team decided to make “Phase III” a “rest period” for the audience as well as the main characters, most of whom would “retire” save in cameo. The first Marvel film of 2005 would thus be a new Spider-Man film, with Peter Parker finally getting to marry Mary Jane and settle down, handing the mantle of Spider-Man to a new Spidey. Bruce Banner would finally get his “missing” second film, a “prequel” of sorts set immediately after the events of the 1994 film that helped set the stage for his reappearance in The Avengers. Captain America would return for a third (and last) time alongside Falcon and (of all people) Victor von Doom to finally purge the residual taint of Hydra and Hellfire from the worlds’ governments, including seeing the end of the fascist government of President Kelly and a return to democracy. The Nova Core would get their own space-based film, introducing Nova himself as the citizens of New Xandar come to terms with the fact that the planet that they chose is, in fact, a living planet that calls itself “Ego”.
The most notable event of this would be "the Ultron arc", which introduced Hank Pym (Simon Pegg) and his wife, hired by SHIELD to develop a way to protect the earth from future threats: Project Ultron, culminating in Iron Man: Armor Wars, in which ol' Mr. Roboto was revealed as the true Big Bad. Wanda, as a result, would have a second film, and even find love in The Vision, an artificial intelligence that was a strange side-effect of the Ultron experiments. Hawkeye makes his debut in the SHIELD series, eventually joining Black Widow to assist The Defenders in their made-for-TV crossover film, building off of the Daredevil TV series. Captain Marvel is introduced, as is Ms. Marvel, and with them the Kree and Skrull and other space-based personalities, such as Nebula, Mantis, and Adam Warlock.
And, as 2012 dawned, with the audience presumably well-rested, it was time to properly return to Earth #307135... well, in a fashion. [3].
[1] Numerous hat-tips to @Nathanoraptor, @Ogrebear, @Plateosaurus, Mr. Harris, @Nerdman3000, @lord Yam, and @TrevorFromStarWars for the Marvel assist
[2] Plot developed by @Ogrebear.
[3] Which I will leave for others, the details of Phase III as well.
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Okay, I have a lot of catching up to do...
Hmm, as far as I can tell A Canterbury Tale doesn't really have much to do with The Canterbury Tales. I'm kind of sorry we never got Universal pushing an animated movie set in World War I about three anthropomorphic animals in a small village near Canterbury, trying to find out who is pouring glue into women's ... fur, I guess.
Clearly George RR Martin has as much to answer for ITTL as OTL.
This sounds fun, anyway.
How very Alan Moore.
Both parts of this also sound very Alan Moore. There's a quote from an interview with Moore I read on the blog Last War in Albion: "I still don’t get a lawyer to look at [my contracts], because that seems to me mistrustful. Yes, I know that sounds stupid, given that it’s obviously an industry I mistrust, but I really do prefer to be working with people on the assumption everyone’s being honest with each other. I’d rather not work with people than be in a continual state of mistrust.” As the blog puts it, Moore's instincts are that elaborate documents are how people cheat you, and he'd rather have a handshake deal with someone he expects to uphold it. And if he's wrong, well, he now knows to never work with them again.
Good to hear Lisa's done a good job, even if not anyone recognises it. "Oh, nothing interesting has happened behind-the-scenes at Disney during her tenure" is hardly the worst problem to have.
Hmm, as far as I can tell A Canterbury Tale doesn't really have much to do with The Canterbury Tales. I'm kind of sorry we never got Universal pushing an animated movie set in World War I about three anthropomorphic animals in a small village near Canterbury, trying to find out who is pouring glue into women's ... fur, I guess.
Clearly George RR Martin has as much to answer for ITTL as OTL.
This sounds fun, anyway.
How very Alan Moore.
Both parts of this also sound very Alan Moore. There's a quote from an interview with Moore I read on the blog Last War in Albion: "I still don’t get a lawyer to look at [my contracts], because that seems to me mistrustful. Yes, I know that sounds stupid, given that it’s obviously an industry I mistrust, but I really do prefer to be working with people on the assumption everyone’s being honest with each other. I’d rather not work with people than be in a continual state of mistrust.” As the blog puts it, Moore's instincts are that elaborate documents are how people cheat you, and he'd rather have a handshake deal with someone he expects to uphold it. And if he's wrong, well, he now knows to never work with them again.
This sounds great fun.
Good to hear Lisa's done a good job, even if not anyone recognises it. "Oh, nothing interesting has happened behind-the-scenes at Disney during her tenure" is hardly the worst problem to have.
Most of these look brilliant. I particularly like the idea of post-Henson Disney animation getting more "Muppety", culminating in actual Muppet/Mouse crossovers.
A few I had particular thoughts on.
Wasn't there an Ella Fantgerald in the Muppets Tonight counterpart? I take it this isn't actually the same character, but I'd guess they include some Easter eggs about it?
Before the elipses, I really thought we were getting that most insidious of tropes "She's a tough, self-assured woman who doesn't need a man ... but gets one anyway!" I'm delighted it's not doing that.
You mean cadaverous courgettes?
This sounds like a worthy replacement to Curse of the Were Rabbit.
I was wondering how they were going to handle doing Pirates within the S.E.A. franchise, given the century or so difference in setting. The ghosts angle makes sense.
Well, obviously I'm delighted this exists, and we even get the complete trilogy. Especially since I was just reading in A Life With Footnotes this week about the Development Hell it went through at Universal ITTL, which reached its nadir when some bright spark said "We've just got the movie rights for Troll dolls; what if we replaced the nomes with them?" which was enough for Terry to deep-six the whole project.
Um. I don't know what to make of this, and I don't think TTL me would either. I'm kind of reminded of something I read on Twitter about the later Toy Story sequels -- about how you start with a fun idea, and then you start doing deep dives into what that idea means, and oh, wait, it turns out it's horrifying, but it's too late because that's the Setting Mythos now and you have to write it. Only more so.
Hmm. It seems like this turns into one ongoing story under multiple titles, and while I don't have a problem with that, I think some people would (there are people OTL who complain that post-Infinity War MCU movies at least need to acknowledge that yes, that was a thing that happened.)
But I do think that, by the end, I'd be suffering Cosmicness Fatigue. It's the Phoenix! It's Galactus! It's Dormammu! It's Galactus versus Dormammu, but then the Celestials intervene! And if you look very closely, maybe with a microscope, the superheroes are running around under everyone's feet... The Much-Needed Break wouldn't have come soon enough.
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It was an absolute pleasure working on this.
Couple of things...
In World War, there's a juxtaposition here between team X-Venger and Team Galactus.
There are massive cracks in Team X-Venger - which we see in both the arguments in the strategy meeting and out in the camp. There's considerable tension and distrust within both the leadership and the rank-and-file - among other things, they can't reach an agreement as to how to deal with Galactus and everyone's having difficulty trying to get past old grudges.
Meanwhile, Team Galactus are pretty unified - Skull, Mandarin and Harkness (basically a Freudian trio - Harkness as the id, Skull as the ego and Mandarin as the superego) seem to be on pretty friendly terms and overall there's little disunity in the ranks.
That's part of establishing how the teams are ultimately foils - Team Galactus are serving the agenda of a comparatively benevolent cosmic entity (albeit one with a truly alien sense of morality) for their own selfish reasons, whilst Team X-Venger are fighting for the salvation of Earth, but unbeknownst to them, advancing the agenda of a malevolent cosmic entity.
Basically, this all evolved out of the discussions we all had - Geekhis had been leaning towards Dark Phoenix as the crossover force... so why don't we have Galactus as the controller of the Phoenix Force?
Someone then suggested the twist that Galactus was actually trying to protect the universe from the coming of someone else who just wanted to destroy everything. And who, in the Marvel universe, would be terrifying enough to scare Galactus into putting together a millennia-spanning grand plan? Dormammu.
(Basically, it was born out of a desire to not do the Infinity Gauntlet).
Couple of things...
In World War, there's a juxtaposition here between team X-Venger and Team Galactus.
There are massive cracks in Team X-Venger - which we see in both the arguments in the strategy meeting and out in the camp. There's considerable tension and distrust within both the leadership and the rank-and-file - among other things, they can't reach an agreement as to how to deal with Galactus and everyone's having difficulty trying to get past old grudges.
Meanwhile, Team Galactus are pretty unified - Skull, Mandarin and Harkness (basically a Freudian trio - Harkness as the id, Skull as the ego and Mandarin as the superego) seem to be on pretty friendly terms and overall there's little disunity in the ranks.
That's part of establishing how the teams are ultimately foils - Team Galactus are serving the agenda of a comparatively benevolent cosmic entity (albeit one with a truly alien sense of morality) for their own selfish reasons, whilst Team X-Venger are fighting for the salvation of Earth, but unbeknownst to them, advancing the agenda of a malevolent cosmic entity.
Basically, this all evolved out of the discussions we all had - Geekhis had been leaning towards Dark Phoenix as the crossover force... so why don't we have Galactus as the controller of the Phoenix Force?
Someone then suggested the twist that Galactus was actually trying to protect the universe from the coming of someone else who just wanted to destroy everything. And who, in the Marvel universe, would be terrifying enough to scare Galactus into putting together a millennia-spanning grand plan? Dormammu.
(Basically, it was born out of a desire to not do the Infinity Gauntlet).
In the News...
Violence, Fraud Accusations Mar USR Elections
The Times of London, October 11th, 2005
Moscow – Sporadic violent clashes between protestors and Gendarmes driven by widespread allegations of fraud brought chaos to the USR elections. While polls suggest that current President Boris Nemtsov will win reelection and that his DPP will increase their majority in the Duma, accusations of voter intimidation and the headline grabbing purge of political enemies have led independent observers to question the free and fair nature of the election…
Georgia, Armenia Join CEFTA
The Times of London, January 5th, 2006
Bucharest – The Caucasian nations of Georgia and Armenia[1], both former Soviet Republics which broke away in 1991, have joined the Central European Free Trade Agreement, or CEFTA. The two nations, which have been under increasing political and economic pressure from Moscow, have been seeking for years to join the organization. In addition to the trade and travel advantages, the two nations are clearly seeking shelter from the USR, which both accuse of agitating internal unrest among minority populations within their sovereign boundaries and of plotting invasion, which the USR vehemently denies. The move…
CEFTA Nations Announce Military Alliance
“CETO” promises mutual defense against “outside aggressors”
NATO promises to “support” CETO’s sovereignty
USR “enraged”
The Washington Post, August 12th, 2006
Today the Central European Free Trade Agreement, or CEFTA, announced the formation of a formal Defensive Military Alliance. Dubbed the Central European Treaty Organization, or CETO, the multi-nation pact seems clearly designed as an anti-Russian alliance, though CETO denies that any single nation is the target of the alliance. The alliance, which NATO has promised to “support”, though provided few details on how, creates a combined military force of over…
Dems retake House, increase Senate majority in “Blue Wave”
Thirty-three seat gain in House
Four seat gain in Senate
The Washington Post, November 8th, 2006
Washington – The Democratic Party, many of them slash-Reform “Stripebacks”, retook the House of Representatives and gained four seats in the Senate in a sweeping victory driven by Progressive grassroots activism. The resulting “Blue Wave” will complicate President Heinz’s agenda as…
Senate
Democrats: 58 (+4)*
Republicans: 40: (-3)*
Reform: 2 (-1)
*Governor Rendell appointed Bob Casey to replace Heinz, who held the seat after the 2005 special election and was elected to a full term here
House of Representatives
Democrats: 242 (+33) [2]
Republicans: 192 (-32)
Reform: 1
Socialist 0 (-1)
Speaker: Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)
Majority Leader: John Lewis (D-GA)
Majority Whip: Bob Menendez (D-NJ)
Minority Leader: Bill Paxon (R-NY)
Minority Whip: John Boehner (R-OH)
Sarkozy, Nemtsov Meet amid Franco-American Drama
The Times of London, April 9th, 2007
Moscow – French President Nicolas Sarkozy met yesterday with USR President Boris Nemtsov to discuss trade relations, but already some are suspecting that something more may be brewing. Growing foreign policy differences between the US and France over the ongoing war in the Democratic Republic of the Congo as well as ongoing French reticence to being dependent upon the US have led some to speculate that France is cozying up to the post-Soviet Federation. The USR, which has felt increasingly isolated from the world following the formation of CETO and with increasing tensions with China over the Russian Far East or Outer Manchuria, may see in Sarkozy a potential ally within NATO.
Coming on the heels of the visit by the Indian Prime Minister last week, which led to additional economic ties and military sales and which has been largely interpreted as the start of an anti-China partnership, the meeting looks to be the latest shakeup in the post-Soviet order. “Russia needs allies,” said Times analyst Benjamin…
Congo Divided
Treaty of Moscow brings end to long, brutal war
New Federal Republic of the Congo formed in North, East
Treaty a diplomatic coup for USR President Boris Nemtsov
The Times of London, July 12th, 2009
Borders will roughly correspond to the areas occupied in this map from 2001-2003 in our timeline (Image source Wikimedia)
Goma – The long and brutal war in the Congo has finally come to a formal end with the signing of the Treaty of Moscow, which brings a formal end to the fighting and the recognition of the breakaway Federal Republic of the Congo, with the capital city to be Goma in North Kivu province. Sporadic violence remains, with reprisal killings expected to go on despite the formal end of the fighting, but the treaty ends a war that has cost hundreds of thousands of lives and seen horrendous atrocities. The treaty, which was brokered by USR President Boris Nemtsov, US President John Heinz, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy, will formally divide the large African nation for the first time since the formation of the Belgian Congo in the 19th Century[3].
The US and French Presidents both announced the formal end of MONUSCO and the drawdown of UN peacekeeping forces in the region, with a small “maintenance force” to remain in place. Both countries reportedly lost thousands of lives in the ensuing crossfire, and were often seen to be at odds over strategic decisions, with the French nominally appearing to back the Kinshasa government and the US seen as sympathetic to the Rwandan-backed rebels. It’s a dichotomy that goes back to US support for Rwandan Tutsis and older French support for the Hutu.
“The entire conflict was beginning to feel like a US-French proxy war in the making,” said Times analyst Ben Biggs. “It seems likely that one of the principal reasons for the end of the fighting is détente between France and the United States.”
But Heinz and Sarkozy deny any problems between the two NATO allies, calling “America’s Oldest Alliance” “as strong as ever”…
UN Calls for Calm following USR, PRC Border Flare
Exchange of Fire at the Border leads to war scare
Chinese Paramount Leader curtails bellicose rhetoric from subordinates
The Los Angeles Times, August 6th, 2009
Beijing – A brief exchange of gunfire between USR and Chinese border forces led to fears of escalation this morning. The fighting quickly subsided and no casualties were reported on either side, though tensions remain high.[4] The incident comes on the heels of a violent Russian government crackdown on pro-Independence protestors in the region and the recent expulsion of thousands of ethnic Han residents that the USR claimed had illegally immigrated from China.
The clash is the latest provocation in the ongoing dispute between the two large, nuclear armed nations over the region that Russia considers an integral part of the Russian Far East and China claims as “Outer Manchuria”, and which contains the strategic port of Vladivostok. The dispute has led to increasing tensions between the two powers fed by rhetoric from Chinese hardliners. Chinese Paramount Leader Hu Qili has called for calm and has reportedly quietly admonished the hardliners, but has reportedly been loath to quash the revanchist rhetoric, which he sees as a useful distraction for the Maoist hardline faction while he continues his economic liberalization.
“Qili is maintaining a careful balancing act,” said Undersecretary…
Heinz, Bush Reelected in Solid Win
Dems hold on to 2006 House Gains with only one seat lost
Dems gain one seat in Senate, giving Supermajority Coalition with Independents
The Washington Post, November 5th, 2008
Philadelphia – President John Heinz and Vice President Jeb Bush won reelection last night, beating Democratic challengers Mark Warner and Tom Daschle with 291 Electoral Votes to 247. A recovering economy and a resurgence in conservative values in backlash to the more progressive 1990s has been credited with securing the win, as Warner and Daschle had a hard time convincing swing voters that the Democratic platform…
[1] Allo-ironically, Georgia and Armenia are antagonistic to one another in our timeline as Georgia sides with Turkey and Azerbaijan while Armenia sides (reluctantly) with Russia (though it has started rethinking this relationship since Moscow failed to live up to its treaty obligations in 2022 following a border clash with Azerbaijan, as Russia was preoccupied in The Ukraine). With Azerbaijan still a Sovereign State in the USR divided from its western non-contiguous outlier by the Zangezur corridor, and ongoing disputes over the sovereignty and possession of the ethnically Armenian Nagorno-Karabakh Autonomous Oblast, which is fully within Azerbaijan, and with the USR supporting nationalists in the Georgian minority ethnic regions of Abkhazia and South Ossetia, Armenia and Georgia are thus pushed together, and CEFTA offers the best option for mutual self-defense.
[2] Note that Democrats keep the Texas gerrymander in place, as you can see, giving them at least a dozen extra seats they otherwise would not have. Hat tip as always to @jpj1421.
[3] Nemtsov, Heinz, and Sarkozy will share a Nobel Peace Prize for their actions, but reprisal killings, border clashes, and intertribal violence will continue up to the present day. The DRC will be largely seen as a puppet of Angola and Zambia while the FRC will be seen as a puppet of Burundi and Rwanda in particular.
[4] Things will calm down as cooler heads prevail.
The Times of London, October 11th, 2005
Moscow – Sporadic violent clashes between protestors and Gendarmes driven by widespread allegations of fraud brought chaos to the USR elections. While polls suggest that current President Boris Nemtsov will win reelection and that his DPP will increase their majority in the Duma, accusations of voter intimidation and the headline grabbing purge of political enemies have led independent observers to question the free and fair nature of the election…
Georgia, Armenia Join CEFTA
The Times of London, January 5th, 2006
Bucharest – The Caucasian nations of Georgia and Armenia[1], both former Soviet Republics which broke away in 1991, have joined the Central European Free Trade Agreement, or CEFTA. The two nations, which have been under increasing political and economic pressure from Moscow, have been seeking for years to join the organization. In addition to the trade and travel advantages, the two nations are clearly seeking shelter from the USR, which both accuse of agitating internal unrest among minority populations within their sovereign boundaries and of plotting invasion, which the USR vehemently denies. The move…
CEFTA Nations Announce Military Alliance
“CETO” promises mutual defense against “outside aggressors”
NATO promises to “support” CETO’s sovereignty
USR “enraged”
The Washington Post, August 12th, 2006
Today the Central European Free Trade Agreement, or CEFTA, announced the formation of a formal Defensive Military Alliance. Dubbed the Central European Treaty Organization, or CETO, the multi-nation pact seems clearly designed as an anti-Russian alliance, though CETO denies that any single nation is the target of the alliance. The alliance, which NATO has promised to “support”, though provided few details on how, creates a combined military force of over…
Dems retake House, increase Senate majority in “Blue Wave”
Thirty-three seat gain in House
Four seat gain in Senate
The Washington Post, November 8th, 2006
Washington – The Democratic Party, many of them slash-Reform “Stripebacks”, retook the House of Representatives and gained four seats in the Senate in a sweeping victory driven by Progressive grassroots activism. The resulting “Blue Wave” will complicate President Heinz’s agenda as…
Senate
Democrats: 58 (+4)*
Republicans: 40: (-3)*
Reform: 2 (-1)
*Governor Rendell appointed Bob Casey to replace Heinz, who held the seat after the 2005 special election and was elected to a full term here
House of Representatives
Democrats: 242 (+33) [2]
Republicans: 192 (-32)
Reform: 1
Socialist 0 (-1)
Speaker: Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)
Majority Leader: John Lewis (D-GA)
Majority Whip: Bob Menendez (D-NJ)
Minority Leader: Bill Paxon (R-NY)
Minority Whip: John Boehner (R-OH)
Sarkozy, Nemtsov Meet amid Franco-American Drama
The Times of London, April 9th, 2007
Moscow – French President Nicolas Sarkozy met yesterday with USR President Boris Nemtsov to discuss trade relations, but already some are suspecting that something more may be brewing. Growing foreign policy differences between the US and France over the ongoing war in the Democratic Republic of the Congo as well as ongoing French reticence to being dependent upon the US have led some to speculate that France is cozying up to the post-Soviet Federation. The USR, which has felt increasingly isolated from the world following the formation of CETO and with increasing tensions with China over the Russian Far East or Outer Manchuria, may see in Sarkozy a potential ally within NATO.
Coming on the heels of the visit by the Indian Prime Minister last week, which led to additional economic ties and military sales and which has been largely interpreted as the start of an anti-China partnership, the meeting looks to be the latest shakeup in the post-Soviet order. “Russia needs allies,” said Times analyst Benjamin…
Congo Divided
Treaty of Moscow brings end to long, brutal war
New Federal Republic of the Congo formed in North, East
Treaty a diplomatic coup for USR President Boris Nemtsov
The Times of London, July 12th, 2009
Borders will roughly correspond to the areas occupied in this map from 2001-2003 in our timeline (Image source Wikimedia)
Goma – The long and brutal war in the Congo has finally come to a formal end with the signing of the Treaty of Moscow, which brings a formal end to the fighting and the recognition of the breakaway Federal Republic of the Congo, with the capital city to be Goma in North Kivu province. Sporadic violence remains, with reprisal killings expected to go on despite the formal end of the fighting, but the treaty ends a war that has cost hundreds of thousands of lives and seen horrendous atrocities. The treaty, which was brokered by USR President Boris Nemtsov, US President John Heinz, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy, will formally divide the large African nation for the first time since the formation of the Belgian Congo in the 19th Century[3].
The US and French Presidents both announced the formal end of MONUSCO and the drawdown of UN peacekeeping forces in the region, with a small “maintenance force” to remain in place. Both countries reportedly lost thousands of lives in the ensuing crossfire, and were often seen to be at odds over strategic decisions, with the French nominally appearing to back the Kinshasa government and the US seen as sympathetic to the Rwandan-backed rebels. It’s a dichotomy that goes back to US support for Rwandan Tutsis and older French support for the Hutu.
“The entire conflict was beginning to feel like a US-French proxy war in the making,” said Times analyst Ben Biggs. “It seems likely that one of the principal reasons for the end of the fighting is détente between France and the United States.”
But Heinz and Sarkozy deny any problems between the two NATO allies, calling “America’s Oldest Alliance” “as strong as ever”…
UN Calls for Calm following USR, PRC Border Flare
Exchange of Fire at the Border leads to war scare
Chinese Paramount Leader curtails bellicose rhetoric from subordinates
The Los Angeles Times, August 6th, 2009
Beijing – A brief exchange of gunfire between USR and Chinese border forces led to fears of escalation this morning. The fighting quickly subsided and no casualties were reported on either side, though tensions remain high.[4] The incident comes on the heels of a violent Russian government crackdown on pro-Independence protestors in the region and the recent expulsion of thousands of ethnic Han residents that the USR claimed had illegally immigrated from China.
The clash is the latest provocation in the ongoing dispute between the two large, nuclear armed nations over the region that Russia considers an integral part of the Russian Far East and China claims as “Outer Manchuria”, and which contains the strategic port of Vladivostok. The dispute has led to increasing tensions between the two powers fed by rhetoric from Chinese hardliners. Chinese Paramount Leader Hu Qili has called for calm and has reportedly quietly admonished the hardliners, but has reportedly been loath to quash the revanchist rhetoric, which he sees as a useful distraction for the Maoist hardline faction while he continues his economic liberalization.
“Qili is maintaining a careful balancing act,” said Undersecretary…
Heinz, Bush Reelected in Solid Win
Dems hold on to 2006 House Gains with only one seat lost
Dems gain one seat in Senate, giving Supermajority Coalition with Independents
The Washington Post, November 5th, 2008
Philadelphia – President John Heinz and Vice President Jeb Bush won reelection last night, beating Democratic challengers Mark Warner and Tom Daschle with 291 Electoral Votes to 247. A recovering economy and a resurgence in conservative values in backlash to the more progressive 1990s has been credited with securing the win, as Warner and Daschle had a hard time convincing swing voters that the Democratic platform…
[1] Allo-ironically, Georgia and Armenia are antagonistic to one another in our timeline as Georgia sides with Turkey and Azerbaijan while Armenia sides (reluctantly) with Russia (though it has started rethinking this relationship since Moscow failed to live up to its treaty obligations in 2022 following a border clash with Azerbaijan, as Russia was preoccupied in The Ukraine). With Azerbaijan still a Sovereign State in the USR divided from its western non-contiguous outlier by the Zangezur corridor, and ongoing disputes over the sovereignty and possession of the ethnically Armenian Nagorno-Karabakh Autonomous Oblast, which is fully within Azerbaijan, and with the USR supporting nationalists in the Georgian minority ethnic regions of Abkhazia and South Ossetia, Armenia and Georgia are thus pushed together, and CEFTA offers the best option for mutual self-defense.
[2] Note that Democrats keep the Texas gerrymander in place, as you can see, giving them at least a dozen extra seats they otherwise would not have. Hat tip as always to @jpj1421.
[3] Nemtsov, Heinz, and Sarkozy will share a Nobel Peace Prize for their actions, but reprisal killings, border clashes, and intertribal violence will continue up to the present day. The DRC will be largely seen as a puppet of Angola and Zambia while the FRC will be seen as a puppet of Burundi and Rwanda in particular.
[4] Things will calm down as cooler heads prevail.
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Working quickly through the 2000s as this is the Epilogue Section.
Not related, but yes, there's a similarity and there will be some oblique references.
I can actually see there being a scene where a Yank and a Brit have that argument. Maybe even a South African mentioning Beastly Baby Marrows. Then Captain Obvious mentions "can we perhaps save this for another time? They are about to devour my prized turnips!"You mean cadaverous courgettes?
I figured that one would be a shocker. I figure they'd handle it fairly decently, and I figure there's two ways to look at it. Either it's traumatic in itself to see the toys "die" or strangely dis-traumatizing to image that the favorite toy that you broke and mom threw away is having a better life.
Yep, I figure a lot of folks would (I know I would), hence the Break session. I personally think Marvel made a mistake going straight from Thanos to Kang and all the Multiverse stuff, as Superhero Fatigue is really setting in right now.
On the MMU, the Sorting Algorithm of Evil set in at some point, as often happens, though the bigger intended theme here is how no matter how powerful any single individual is, there's always something bigger than them.
And what he said.
A swing back to the right was inevitable. On the Supreme Court the Dems thanks to an incumbency advantage still control the Senate, so Heinz will find it hard to stack the courts with extreme ideologues.
I'll let @jpj1421 speak to the primaries. I'm not exactly sure why Warner became the nominee. Maybe he swept Super Tuesday.
As to the Democratic primaries, I would say broadly it was an attempt for Democrats to find what worked for them in the nineties, a center-left southerner. But also, a lot of the bigger names we would be familiar with weren't really factors. Senator Hillary Clinton (D-AR) doesn't have the national cache that pushed her into running. Governor Barack Obama (D-IL) didn't run. John Edwards never became Senator. Senator John Kerry (D-MA) did run, but he also didn't marry a very rich heiress as she is currently First Lady and so has less funds on hand. Lt. Governor Howard Dean (D-VT) was just elected in Congress in 06 when Sanders ran for Senator. Senator Lieberman was not on a Presidential ticket and so is just a random New England Senator. Daschle and Warner floated to the top of the field, sorry Joe Biden who also ran, and the race really broke for Warner as the calendar turned South.
Kinda hoping the USR avoids the fate of its OTL counterpart but that's easier said than done.
Honestly, this might be a really bad development in terms of NATO-USR relations. IOTL the decline of NATO-Russian relations was far more gradual and didn't really materialize until the very late 2000s and the 2010s with Georgia and Ukraine (plus several post-Soviet nations joining NATO). Here, it could accelerate since the USR could accuse CETO of being a stepping stone towards joining NATO (which it might as well be), thus threatening their national security despite shaky promises to prohibit NATO expansion. Really curious to see how it develops during the 2010s.
The USR aligning itself with India makes sense since China and the U.S. are political rivals and genuine threats. If BRICS has been butterflied, I wonder if this will be the impetus of a new political alliance.
This is probably the most important headline in the post since the Congo is basically divided into two after this latest war. Considering the horrific atrocities committed, any sort of peace is well appreciated though it's not a happy ending since both Congos are too weak to avoid being in the sphere of influence of stronger African nations like Rwanda.
Speaking of Rwanda, I wonder if ITTL Rwanda could emerge as a strong contender as one of the more powerful African nations on the continent like South Africa, Nigeria, Egypt, and Ethiopia since we avoided the Rwandan Genocide and it's allowed to flex some of its political might on the Congo.
Ahh the classic irregular verb of judicial appointments. My appointees are principled modernisers, yours are hidebound reactionaries, theirs are extreme ideologues.
Movies 2005-2009
New York Times Short Movie Reviews, 2005-2009
More than Meets the Eye (2005)
The Robots in Disguise are back on the big screen in this rollicking hard-hitting action film directed by Justin Lin. The story here begins with the yellow VW Bug Bumblebee being found by a struggling family of mechanics the Clementes including rebellious daughter Camilla (America Ferrera), who learn he is just one of many Transformers secretly living on earth, divided between the Autobots under Optimis Prime (Peter Cullen) and the Decepticons under Machiavellian Megatron (Frank Welker) and the perpetually plotting Starscream (Steve Blum). The discovery invertedly restarts the war between the two sides, and the Autobots must stop the Decepticons from reaching a deposit of energon on Earth that could tip the balance.
The film is a rollercoaster of action as the Transformers, brought to realistic life by the Creatureworks team, battle each other across America, with the Clementes pulled along with them. The action is explosive and dynamic, taking full advantage of the possibilities presented by CG to create a feast of chaos and action that captures the spirit of the cartoon well. Nevertheless, the plot serves as a nuanced vehicle (pardon the pun) for a story of what it means to be an immigrant and changing yourself to adapt or blend in, drawing surprisingly adept comparisons between the Transformers and the Chicano community the human leads belong to, as well as Camilla and her family opening up to one another. Full of as much heart as action, Transformers takes what could have been an empty summer action film and imbues it with plenty of heart and spark.[1].
The film, much like Camilla and the titular Transformers, has more to it than meets the eye.
Not this at all…
Transformers: Robots in Disguise; Rated T for violence, action, and some adult language and situations; ⭐⭐⭐
Boys will be Boys (2006)
When a recent divorcee, the emasculated Joe Avridge (Vince Vaughn), tries to restart his life, his old college buddies are “there for him” in the worst way possible. Their secret weapon in the “war of the sexes”? The titular “Bro Code”. One part midlife crisis film, one part tongue-in-cheek “Men’s Rights” film, and several parts sex comedy, 20th Century’s raunchy, low brow comedy is the latest from the “Frat Pack” of Vaughn, Paul Rudd, Luke & Owen Wilson, Jack Black, Romany Malco, Seth Rogan, Terry Crews, and Will Farrell. The film is unapologetically obscene and offensive, but thankfully doesn’t take itself too seriously, even if some of its fans probably will.
(Image source The Guardian)
The Bro Code; Rated R for Profanity, Nudity, Sexual Humor, and Substance Use; ⭐⭐
If it Happened Here (2007)
Steven Spielberg is no stranger to the horrors of the Holocaust. And with the rise of White Nationalism in the US, he brings us this terrifying tale of a world where the Axis won World War Two. Adapted from the Phillip K. Dick novel, The Man in the High Castle is a brutal look at Fascism, not just in Nazi Germany, but in the US of A. An unflinching narrative of totalitarianism, genocide, oppression, and evil set in an alternate 1960s, Hitler is now an old man, but his dark legacy lives on with a North America divided between Nazi Germany and Tojo’s Imperial Japan, with a lawless anarchy in the Rocky Mountains to separate them. And our ensemble, all-star cast must deal with life in a Fascist State where cruelty and brutality are seen as virtues, not flaws. For anyone who might envision a Fascist US as anything other than a horrid dystopia, this film is a bleak reminder of why we rightfully condemn such barbarous and hateful ideologies.
(Image source The Man in the High Castle Wiki)
The Man in the High Castle; Rated R for Graphic Violence, Adult Situations, Depictions of Torture and Genocide, and other dark thematic imagery; ⭐⭐⭐½
I’ll Be Bach (2008)
It started as a joke. Several Acton Stars teaming up to play various Classical Music Composers. Bruce Willis: “I’d like to play Beethoven.” Stallone: “Yo, I’ll, uh, take Handel.” Schwarzenegger: “I’ll be Bach.” And then Brooksfilm producer Judd Apatow took the joke seriously. The Composers was born.
1995’s The Impossibles proved that you could get several big-name action stars to share the screen, so when Apatow actually suggested to Mel Brooks that they make the film, it wasn’t completely crazy. Originally planning to hire impersonators, Brooks somehow actually convinced Schwarzenegger and Stallone to sign on. Bruce Willis, Jackie Chan, Carl Weathers, and Mel Gibson and the rest soon followed. But rather than run things as a Brooks-style parody, they played things straight, but “Dialed to Eleven” with such over-the-top action cliches that you were left with little choice but to grab the popcorn and hang on.
And with Steam Romance all the rage, and Black Smoke making bank, it was natural to make it a Steam Romance adventure, full of insane steam-powered gadgets and machines, only made into analogues of the hypermasculine weapons of 1980s action films, for example a steam-powered gatling gun.
The Composers is a loving affectionate parody of the action blockbuster while also a surprisingly good action blockbuster. The plot is pretty cut and dry: rescue the hostages from the evil Salieri[2] (David Bowie) and foil his plans for World Domination. Its stars shine in their roles, all seeming to enjoy the experience, which in turn invites us to enjoy it. And Apatow once again proves why he is the master of the action comedy and a fitting addition to the Brooksfilm team. Like a loving salute to ‘80s action blockbusters and modern Steam Romance tropes, The Composers is a surprisingly fun spin on Taking the Joke Seriously.
You’ll be Bach for more.
Action Stars (Image source Thomann.de)
The Composers, Rated R for Violence, Language, Substance Use, and Sexuality; ⭐⭐⭐
Full Steam Ahead! (2008)
Jim Henson is back behind the camera for this over-the-top Steam Romance adventure and affectionate parody and satire. Progress!! (yes, two exclamation points) follows Dr. Phineas P. Progress (David Tenet in a rare heroic role) as he seeks to remake the stodgy Victorian world into a progressive techno-utopia, with Hilarity (naturally) Ensuing as he tries to drag the world kicking and screaming into “A Better Tomorrow”. Backed by brilliant creature effects, this Henson Arts Production combines great practical and CG elements into a visual feast of clever contraptions and oddball mechanical creatures. The Henson whimsey is on full display with eclectic characters and clever Vaudeville-esque dialog, with Tenet stealing every single scene even against acting heavyweights like Michael Cane and Patrick Stewart. But all of this whimsey and wonder frames deep themes of science, nature, the environment, the nature of progress, and serious social issues that make this a deep and biting satire of the modern post-industrial world even as it makes you laugh yourself silly.
(Image source Jim Brockman on Pinterest)
Progress!!: Rated PG for Action, Alcohol & Tobacco Use, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
When All you Have is a Hammer (2009)
The War in the Congo, or “Rumble in the Jungle” or “Kivunam” as it is ironically dubbed, has been a controversial aspect of US Foreign policy since its inception, costing thousands of American lives and possibly hundreds of thousands of Congolese ones. Kivunam takes an unflinching look at the conflict, and the people caught in the middle. Director Sean Penn brings a naturalist lens to the conflict. He also plays a supporting role as Colonel Gunderson alongside a stellar cast centered on Jamie Foxx and Jake Gyllenhaal as two young soldiers (Sergeant Hooker and Corporal Haggarty) caught up in it all, trying to stay sane and principled in the face of barbarity. Jean Reno is triumphant as French General Renault, whose portrayal veers between sympathetic and questionably pragmatic. Don Cheadle, Aaliyah, and Forest Whitaker shine as a native African priest, villager, and warlord, respectively, who each give a human face to the Congolese. The brutal tale, which explores the complexities of modern war and intertribal generational conflicts, US and French foreign policy, and geopolitical realities, harkens back to the Vietnam films of the 1970s and ‘80s, in particular Penn’s own Platoon. Sure to dominate the Oscars, the timely tale is a stark and brutal reminder of the fact that wars, much like the hard decisions it forces us to make, are never simple or pretty.
(Image source Gold Derby)
Kivunam; Rated NC for Graphic Violence, Scenes of Rape and Genocide, Profanity, Substance Use, Nudity, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
In Brief:[3]
[1] Based on ideas by @Nathanoraptor and @Plateosaurus (guest post inbound).
[2] Poor Salieri…ever the pop culture victim of early modern anti-Italian conspiracy theories.
[3] All open for Guest Posts!! PM me.
More than Meets the Eye (2005)
The Robots in Disguise are back on the big screen in this rollicking hard-hitting action film directed by Justin Lin. The story here begins with the yellow VW Bug Bumblebee being found by a struggling family of mechanics the Clementes including rebellious daughter Camilla (America Ferrera), who learn he is just one of many Transformers secretly living on earth, divided between the Autobots under Optimis Prime (Peter Cullen) and the Decepticons under Machiavellian Megatron (Frank Welker) and the perpetually plotting Starscream (Steve Blum). The discovery invertedly restarts the war between the two sides, and the Autobots must stop the Decepticons from reaching a deposit of energon on Earth that could tip the balance.
The film is a rollercoaster of action as the Transformers, brought to realistic life by the Creatureworks team, battle each other across America, with the Clementes pulled along with them. The action is explosive and dynamic, taking full advantage of the possibilities presented by CG to create a feast of chaos and action that captures the spirit of the cartoon well. Nevertheless, the plot serves as a nuanced vehicle (pardon the pun) for a story of what it means to be an immigrant and changing yourself to adapt or blend in, drawing surprisingly adept comparisons between the Transformers and the Chicano community the human leads belong to, as well as Camilla and her family opening up to one another. Full of as much heart as action, Transformers takes what could have been an empty summer action film and imbues it with plenty of heart and spark.[1].
The film, much like Camilla and the titular Transformers, has more to it than meets the eye.
Not this at all…
Transformers: Robots in Disguise; Rated T for violence, action, and some adult language and situations; ⭐⭐⭐
Boys will be Boys (2006)
When a recent divorcee, the emasculated Joe Avridge (Vince Vaughn), tries to restart his life, his old college buddies are “there for him” in the worst way possible. Their secret weapon in the “war of the sexes”? The titular “Bro Code”. One part midlife crisis film, one part tongue-in-cheek “Men’s Rights” film, and several parts sex comedy, 20th Century’s raunchy, low brow comedy is the latest from the “Frat Pack” of Vaughn, Paul Rudd, Luke & Owen Wilson, Jack Black, Romany Malco, Seth Rogan, Terry Crews, and Will Farrell. The film is unapologetically obscene and offensive, but thankfully doesn’t take itself too seriously, even if some of its fans probably will.
(Image source The Guardian)
The Bro Code; Rated R for Profanity, Nudity, Sexual Humor, and Substance Use; ⭐⭐
If it Happened Here (2007)
Steven Spielberg is no stranger to the horrors of the Holocaust. And with the rise of White Nationalism in the US, he brings us this terrifying tale of a world where the Axis won World War Two. Adapted from the Phillip K. Dick novel, The Man in the High Castle is a brutal look at Fascism, not just in Nazi Germany, but in the US of A. An unflinching narrative of totalitarianism, genocide, oppression, and evil set in an alternate 1960s, Hitler is now an old man, but his dark legacy lives on with a North America divided between Nazi Germany and Tojo’s Imperial Japan, with a lawless anarchy in the Rocky Mountains to separate them. And our ensemble, all-star cast must deal with life in a Fascist State where cruelty and brutality are seen as virtues, not flaws. For anyone who might envision a Fascist US as anything other than a horrid dystopia, this film is a bleak reminder of why we rightfully condemn such barbarous and hateful ideologies.
(Image source The Man in the High Castle Wiki)
The Man in the High Castle; Rated R for Graphic Violence, Adult Situations, Depictions of Torture and Genocide, and other dark thematic imagery; ⭐⭐⭐½
I’ll Be Bach (2008)
It started as a joke. Several Acton Stars teaming up to play various Classical Music Composers. Bruce Willis: “I’d like to play Beethoven.” Stallone: “Yo, I’ll, uh, take Handel.” Schwarzenegger: “I’ll be Bach.” And then Brooksfilm producer Judd Apatow took the joke seriously. The Composers was born.
1995’s The Impossibles proved that you could get several big-name action stars to share the screen, so when Apatow actually suggested to Mel Brooks that they make the film, it wasn’t completely crazy. Originally planning to hire impersonators, Brooks somehow actually convinced Schwarzenegger and Stallone to sign on. Bruce Willis, Jackie Chan, Carl Weathers, and Mel Gibson and the rest soon followed. But rather than run things as a Brooks-style parody, they played things straight, but “Dialed to Eleven” with such over-the-top action cliches that you were left with little choice but to grab the popcorn and hang on.
And with Steam Romance all the rage, and Black Smoke making bank, it was natural to make it a Steam Romance adventure, full of insane steam-powered gadgets and machines, only made into analogues of the hypermasculine weapons of 1980s action films, for example a steam-powered gatling gun.
The Composers is a loving affectionate parody of the action blockbuster while also a surprisingly good action blockbuster. The plot is pretty cut and dry: rescue the hostages from the evil Salieri[2] (David Bowie) and foil his plans for World Domination. Its stars shine in their roles, all seeming to enjoy the experience, which in turn invites us to enjoy it. And Apatow once again proves why he is the master of the action comedy and a fitting addition to the Brooksfilm team. Like a loving salute to ‘80s action blockbusters and modern Steam Romance tropes, The Composers is a surprisingly fun spin on Taking the Joke Seriously.
You’ll be Bach for more.
Action Stars (Image source Thomann.de)
The Composers, Rated R for Violence, Language, Substance Use, and Sexuality; ⭐⭐⭐
Full Steam Ahead! (2008)
Jim Henson is back behind the camera for this over-the-top Steam Romance adventure and affectionate parody and satire. Progress!! (yes, two exclamation points) follows Dr. Phineas P. Progress (David Tenet in a rare heroic role) as he seeks to remake the stodgy Victorian world into a progressive techno-utopia, with Hilarity (naturally) Ensuing as he tries to drag the world kicking and screaming into “A Better Tomorrow”. Backed by brilliant creature effects, this Henson Arts Production combines great practical and CG elements into a visual feast of clever contraptions and oddball mechanical creatures. The Henson whimsey is on full display with eclectic characters and clever Vaudeville-esque dialog, with Tenet stealing every single scene even against acting heavyweights like Michael Cane and Patrick Stewart. But all of this whimsey and wonder frames deep themes of science, nature, the environment, the nature of progress, and serious social issues that make this a deep and biting satire of the modern post-industrial world even as it makes you laugh yourself silly.
(Image source Jim Brockman on Pinterest)
Progress!!: Rated PG for Action, Alcohol & Tobacco Use, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
When All you Have is a Hammer (2009)
The War in the Congo, or “Rumble in the Jungle” or “Kivunam” as it is ironically dubbed, has been a controversial aspect of US Foreign policy since its inception, costing thousands of American lives and possibly hundreds of thousands of Congolese ones. Kivunam takes an unflinching look at the conflict, and the people caught in the middle. Director Sean Penn brings a naturalist lens to the conflict. He also plays a supporting role as Colonel Gunderson alongside a stellar cast centered on Jamie Foxx and Jake Gyllenhaal as two young soldiers (Sergeant Hooker and Corporal Haggarty) caught up in it all, trying to stay sane and principled in the face of barbarity. Jean Reno is triumphant as French General Renault, whose portrayal veers between sympathetic and questionably pragmatic. Don Cheadle, Aaliyah, and Forest Whitaker shine as a native African priest, villager, and warlord, respectively, who each give a human face to the Congolese. The brutal tale, which explores the complexities of modern war and intertribal generational conflicts, US and French foreign policy, and geopolitical realities, harkens back to the Vietnam films of the 1970s and ‘80s, in particular Penn’s own Platoon. Sure to dominate the Oscars, the timely tale is a stark and brutal reminder of the fact that wars, much like the hard decisions it forces us to make, are never simple or pretty.
(Image source Gold Derby)
Kivunam; Rated NC for Graphic Violence, Scenes of Rape and Genocide, Profanity, Substance Use, Nudity, and Adult Themes; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
In Brief:[3]
- The Firing Line: (2005) A Hyperion Police Thriller that explores challenging issues of police brutality and racism starring Tupac Shakur; ⭐⭐⭐
- The Troll: (2005) Producer Tommy Wiseau returns with this Indie comedy about an Internet Troll, directed by David Gordon Green; ⭐⭐⭐½
- B.I.G.: (2005) A heartfelt Biopic of Biggie Smalls by his friend Tupac Shakur; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- The Muppets Return: (2005) Rejoice, for Kermit, Piggy, Gonzo, and the rest are back in action! ⭐⭐⭐
- Red Card: (2006) The “Ballers” discover Soccer now; is there any sport that they can’t ruin? ⭐
- The Departed: (2006) A dumb-slasher ghost story; ⭐½
- Black Smoke: (2006) Spun off from the successful Red Sails franchise, and set a century or so later, MGM brings Steam Romance to the big screen in this feast for the eyes and fun adventure; ⭐⭐⭐
- Snakes on the Plain: (2006) The Samuel L. Jackson narrated Oscar-winning documentary about the misunderstood life of the rattlesnake that led a generation to rethink a hated species; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Drag: (2007) A Drag Queen (Ru Paul) shows up the “Old Boys” as a champion drag racer; ⭐⭐½
- Pwned You Again: (2007) Wiseau Productions brings us this quirky sequel to The Troll; ⭐⭐⭐
- Shi-Tzu Happens: (2007) A wacky comedy about the world of professional dog breeding; ⭐⭐⭐
- Brutality: (2008) Miramax brings us this tale of corporate greed and BDSM clubs; ⭐⭐
- Drive Me Crazy: (2008) Will Farrell and John C. Reilley play competing Driving Instructors; ⭐⭐⭐
- Thin Ice: (2008) I spoke too soon. The “Ballers” discovered Hocky; ⭐
- Legendary: (2008) A sports drama about a young man from the projects (Shakur) who ends up a major sports star, and the challenges therein; ⭐⭐⭐½
- Deformed (2009): Parker and Stone return in this hilarious musical sendup of MGM’s Transformers franchise; ⭐⭐⭐
- Dairy Air: (2009) The Farrelly Brothers return in this farm-based ultra-low-brow comedy; ⭐⭐
- Losers: (2009) Wiseau Productions triumphs again with this touching comedy about a struggling dysfunctional family; ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ½
[1] Based on ideas by @Nathanoraptor and @Plateosaurus (guest post inbound).
[2] Poor Salieri…ever the pop culture victim of early modern anti-Italian conspiracy theories.
[3] All open for Guest Posts!! PM me.
I see we've somehow managed to get VW to rescind their policy of banning their products from anything even remotely depicting scenes of violence.
Or perhaps, like many OTL Bumblebee toys, the Friendliest Autobot changes up for another model before the 'Cons show up. Bee as an AMC Gremlin, perhaps?
Some neat films here! Still on the fence about the whole Steam Romance genre, but Tennant as our lead is a big 'yes'.
This is amazing hahaha. When I saw it, I simultaneously groaned, smiled and rolled my eyes
Yes. Couldn't keep going forever.
There are a lot of built-in challenges for the USR that makes transition to a straight democracy and free society challenging, like hundreds of repressed, disgruntled minorities that would rather be independent nation states if given the chance. Some commentators I've read/seen consider Russian democracy impossible without collapsing the Empire. I'm more sanguine about their chances, but still, not an easy road.
Well, the US-RF issues really began in the 2000s iOTL when NATO expanded into Eastern Europe, something that was fueled by the GWOT. Another case of No Easy Answers since the Eastern European states have obvious reasons why they would rather be in NATO and Russia gets nervous when their geographical buffers get encroached upon. Here, I figured a seemingly stronger USR remains a serious implicit threat that drives them to mutual self defense sooner, yet still has enough clout to prevent them from outright joining NATO, but not from founding their own CETO, which gives NATO some ability to "guarantee" peace between CETO and the USR in vague but less overtly threatening terms. In some ways this is less confrontational than OTL, but on the other hand having a "free agent" in the middle able to make separate deals with, say, China, is more instable.
Frankly I could and would have responded the same way the other way around, as I'm not a partisan tribalist (and I'm getting really tired of you in particularly subtly accusing me of being one). The Dems are currently having trouble getting their more let's say controversial judicial appointments through at the moment due to Feinstein's illness, for example. But speaking as a moderate, yes, people who pen major and earth-shaking judiciary decisions that upend decades of precedent and throw a nation into political chaos based upon the beliefs of literally medieval jurists could arguably be called "extreme ideologues" without too much hyperbole by any side.Ahh the classic irregular verb of judicial appointments. My appointees are principled modernisers, yours are hidebound reactionaries, theirs are extreme ideologues.
And that's all that I or anyone else needs to say about that.
Guest post coming from @Plateosaurus. I'll let him address the Bumblebee thing.
And hard to fail with Tenant as a Wacky Victorian Science Man.
Couldn't resist.
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