The Judgement of Anubis: An Indiana Jones Adventure (1989)
Video from revamped Nostalgia was Way Better when I was a Kid Netsite, Oct. 1st, 2009
[click on video] Theme and title card for
Nostalgia was Way Better when I was a Kid.
Interior – Temple of Anubis
An old African man dressed like an Egyptian priest (ANUBIS) holds his palm to the exposed chest of Field Marshall Dellaslealtà.
Anubis
Art thou ready for thy judgement, loyal servant of thy Great Leader?
Dellaslealtà
I am ready! I have served my Ducé with loyalty! I am a man of honor and principle!
The hand glows and a glowing image of a beating heart appears on the left cup of a set of golden scales opposite to a feather. The scales twitch, and then the heart side sinks, far heavier than the feather. In a flash, Anubis’ hand reaches into Dellaslealtà’s chest and rips out his still beating heart. He tosses it to Ammit, a terrifying lion/crocodile/hippo chimera, which gobbles up the heart in a single bite. Dellaslealtà falls dead at Anubis’ feet and rots away to dust. Indiana Jones and Marion look on, horrified.
Anubis
He has been judged…wanting.
Interior – Larry’s Study
We return to Larry’s study. The toys and books are slightly different now. The sound and video quality are better. Larry is as dorky and obnoxious as ever.
Larry
Hi, I’m Larry, and “Nostalgia was Way Better when I was a Kid”. And today we’re ripping the very heart out of Lucasfilm once again with The Judgement of Anubis, the third Indiana Jones Adventure, and the first of our “Month of Lisa Henson” collection.
Exterior – New Mexico (1912)
The Paramount logo dissolves into a rocky mountain in the American Southwest. We follow young Indy and a friend through the desert and some caves in a scrub-covered canyon.
Larry (Voiceover)
Our cold open introduces us to Young Indy, played by River Phoenix, who is a Boy Scout because of course he is. He and a friend discover some looters pillaging an old cliff dwelling and a man dressed like the Indy we know has found an ancient Kachina doll of Masauwu, the Hopi spirit of death and the dead, or so Young Indy exposits to us. He declares that it belongs in a museum and steals the doll and a chase ensues.
We follow Indy on as the grave robbers chase him across the desert and onto a circus train, through adventures, and to his own house and his Father (from behind).
Larry (Voiceover)
Indy flees to a circus train, adventure ensues, and…you’ve seen this movie, so why do I need to explain it to you? Anyway, we briefly meet daddy Jones who is a distant prick who doesn’t turn to look at his own son or see what he has in his hands because daddy cares only about dead Egyptians. The cops arrive, take the doll and give it to the grave robbers who give it to a man in a Panama Hat, and the leader hands Indy his hat.
Exterior – Ship – Night (1936)
Larry (Voiceover)
Transition to a ship in 1936. Indy fights the thugs of the man in the white hat on a ship in the storm, the ship blows up, Indy saves the doll, yadda yadda, we transition to the current day.
Exterior – Turkey (1939)
A dig site full of ancient Greek antiquities and, eventually, Indiana Jones and Marion Ravenwood.
Larry (Voiceover)
Then the cut takes us to Turkey in early 1939. It’s the eve of World War 2 and Indy and Marion are digging up Troy. They soon get a visit from their sponsor, a man named Dr. Aristotle Moiraío. He has word from an associate, Dr. Scurro, in Venice who has a lead on “an ancient Egyptian antiquity of great importance.” Indy dismisses the idea, refuses to work “with Fascists” given what was happening in Spain, and says they should ask his father, the noted Egyptologist. Dr. M. drops the bomb that they did ask his father, who is now missing. Meanwhile a plot device…err…messenger brings Indy a package: his father’s journal.
Exterior – Venice
Fly by map to Venice and Indy and Marion walk the streets.
Larry (Voiceover)
So, we fly by map to Venice, meet with Dr. Scurro, who is a hot chick played by Mia Sera – first name Chiara; Chiara Scurro…geddit? – and Indy and Marion learn that the McGuffin, the Scales of Anubis, which naturally hold The Power Over Life and Death (all capitalized), were tracked down by his father to a temple “at the headwaters of the Great River”, now Italian-occupied Ethiopia. But daddy Jones vanished and Chiara needs Indy to help find him and the McGuffin.
Exterior – Egypt and Interior – Riverboat
Fly by map to Cairo where Indy, Marion, and Chiara meet Sallah.
Larry (Voiceover)
So, we meet up with our old friend Sallah from the first movie, who has arranged passage on a boat up the Nile. We travel up the Nile in a set piece right out of Agatha Christie, while a creepy servant in a Fez watches them. Indy is forced by rules to sleep in a separate cabin from Marion since they’re not married and it’s the old prudish ‘30s. Of course, Indy, Marion, and Dr. S.’s rooms all get ransacked, Indy figures out they were after his father’s journal. Dr. S. tries to seduce him. Naturally, Marion walks in at the wrong moment, drama ensues.
Exterior – Nile (Montage) and Exterior – Temples in Ethiopia
Montage as they travel up the Nile through Sudan, transition from ship to small steamer, steamer to boat, boat to donkeys, and to a Christian temple in Ethiopia.
Larry (Voiceover)
So, all the way up the Nile and we’ve reached a great monastery in Ethiopia, Indy suspiciously eyeing the Italian Fascist officers while creepy Fez guy eyes Indy from the shadows. There’s a throwaway joke from an Ethiopian priest mentioning that the temple houses the Ark of the Covenant…
Indiana
(dryly) I’m sure it does.
Larry (Voiceover)
…and Indy goes to explore a temple carved from the living rock and said to have existed “since the time of the Pharaohs”. But the temple is empty save only for some Hieroglyphics. Indy recognizes them from the journal and deciphers them to determine that “there’s another ‘Great River’ in Africa.” In other words, the Congo. But creepy Fez guy has followed them and detonates explosives to bury them in. Indy and Marion work together to discover a secret door that takes them through ancient catacombs full of rats, and they escape through a sewer into downtown Addis Ababa.
Interior – Hotel – Night
Larry (Voiceover)
So, finally back at the hotel, Indy and Marion, again forced to separate rooms, appear finally able to be together in secret when Indy is attacked by creepy Fez guy while getting ready. It’s played for laughs as Marion thinks she’s being stood up while Fez guy attempts to strangle Indy. But Sallah breaks in, saves the day, and they capture Fez guy only to find that he’s part of an ancient Egyptian Order sworn to protect the McGuffin. Fez guy warns that a bad fate awaits those who seek the scales for the wrong reason, but Indy tells him he’s there to save his dad and cares nothing for the McGuffin. Fez guy explains that Indy’s father is held captive by Field Marshal Dellasleatà in a fortress, wishes him luck in his “noble quest”, and then flees into the night.
Exterior and Interior – Italian Army Fortress
An intimidating Brutalist modern-day castle on a mountaintop in Ethiopia.
Larry (Voiceover)
So, Indy is ready to rush brashly ahead to find and rescue his father, but Marion warns it will be “a death sentence”. Instead, she proposes a plan to sneak in, citing the Italian’s use of Somali women as servants. They disguise themselves in veils and bourkas and slip in through the servant’s entrance. Indy and Sallah then steal some Italian army uniforms amidst the usual jokes about men dressed as women in old movies while Marion asks the servant girls and discovers where Daddy Jones (Sean Connery) is hidden. Indy breaks in through the window only for daddy to smash a vase over his head and then admonish Indy for his “recklessness”, suggesting that he needs to realize his own mortality. They start to find their way out when the diabolical Field Marshal Dellasleatà appears (Robert Davi), a gun to Chiara’s head. Henry Jones Sr. warns Indy not to trust her, but he gives up his gun and they are captured, revealing Chiara to be a double agent, who takes the journal. Indy realizes she sacked their rooms on the boat, including her own. Sallah and Marion are also captured and taken away while Indy and Sr. are tied up and interrogated.
Interior – Fortress, Exterior – Airfield and Sky
Larry (Voiceover)
So, hijinks ensue as Indy and Daddy make a convoluted escape, Indy stealing a biplane and revealing that he can “fly” but not “land”. Sr. admonishes him on his recklessness. They start to fly southwest and are engaged by Italian fighters. Sr. accidentally shoots their own tail off, and they crash land. They steal a car, force one plane to crash, and, car destroyed, Spielberg is soon visually quoting North by Northwest as the other plane swops down at them by a mountain lake full of birds. Sr. boldly walks towards the seeming oncoming death into a group of Ibis, causing the birds to take off, strike the plane, and make it clash. Sr. quotes an ancient Egyptian text on being willing to walk towards their fate with a light and joyous heart.
Exterior – East Africa (Montage)
Montage as they travel Southwest towards the Congo.
Larry (Voiceover)
With Marion and Sallah still prisoner, Joneses Jr. and Sr. agree they need to rescue their friends. They also realize that they’re in British Uganda now, so they hop a noisy, overloaded train south. They attempt to bond, realizing that Chiara had also seduced Sr., causing Indy to be shocked. So, they give up the small talk and Sr. explains the upcoming traps of the temple in the Congo, which he has memorized after decades of research. We also cut to the Fascists, who have Marion and Sallah, the former snarking at the treasonous Chiara, as they fly to a village in the upper Congo, where things go all Heart of Darkness and a corrupt and insane Belgian official named Kurt lends them vehicles, including a buzz-saw tank, in exchange for a share of the “gold” they claim to be after. Back to Indy and dad as they follow some guides into the mountains, get charged by gorillas, and end up held at spearpoint by some natives.
Exterior – Jungles of the Upper Congo (Montage)
Larry (Voiceover)
Well, as the Fascists, following the directions in the journal, slice a path through the jungles with their modern, smoke belching machines, Indy and dad are taken to the chief of the natives, who it seems is allied to Fez guy. After a meal of bugs and other revolting things they agree to help rescue Indy’s friends if the Joneses help them protect the McGuffin. Soon they are walking through the jungles, slow and natural in contrast to the destructive industrial Fascists, to the river and then Indy and daddy take a sketchy old steamer piloted by a Bogie clone to travel up the Congo to its “dark heart”, according to not-Bogie. The race concludes when they reach a Belgian ivory processing station by a waterfall and, with some horses stolen from the station, they head up a path through the jungle highlands to a conveniently placed pair of Egyptian Obelisks.
Exterior – Jungles of the Upper Congo (Montage)
Indy and his father ride to engage the tanks in a chase scene.
Larry (Voiceover)
Meanwhile they hear the sound of the Fascist’s machines tearing through the jungle and rush to rescue their friends. A big fight breaks out as Indy struggles to fight his way into the saw-tank where Marion and Sallah are held. Fez guy, some natives, and a small cavalry of armed Egyptians with rifles help out and get killed one by one. Eventually Indy reaches the tank, fights the obligatory Really Big Guy, and, while Sr. helps Sallah and Marion onto a horse to escape, the tank runs off of an impossibly huge cliff seemingly with Indy on it.
Exterior and Interior – Egyptian Temple in the Jungle
Larry (Voiceover)
Well, needless to say Indy’s not dead, having grabbed a convenient root, and daddy is happy to see him alive, but admonishes his recklessness…
Henry Sr.
Remember thou art mortal, son.
Larry (Voiceover)
…and there’s much to do. They follow the increasingly wilting, dead, and dying vegetation to the ruins of an Egyptian Temple of Anubis. The Fascists catch up and the four are captured, daddy is shot by Dellasleatà, and Indy is forced to navigate the traps to save his father using the life-controlling magic of the scales. Following his father’s lessons from before, Indy manages to avoid and disable the traps, like a camouflaged bridge and a fall-away floor, and reaches an inner sanctum with an old black man in Egyptian clothing, who is Anubis made flesh. The creepy beast Ammit growls and snaps to the side. So, Dellasleatà and Chiara emerge after Indy. Anubis has the scales, upon which a single feather rests, and he tells them that “only the purist of heart and intent can escape the cold hand of death.” Aaaaandd since you saw this episode’s cold open you know what happens to Dellasleatà when he tries, mistaking his blind loyalty to il Ducé for purity of essence. Indy, naturally, goes next. His heart starts to slide down, heavier than the feather, and…
Anubis
There is much that weighs on your heart…this will not end well for you.
Indy
I don’t care, I’ll trade my life for my father’s.
Anubis
A life for a life, then…
Larry (Voiceover)
Which of course causes his heart to shrink three sizes that day and become lighter than the feather, and we cut back to see the glowing figure of Anubis, now with jackal head, appear before Sr. and cure his gunshot. With this, Chiara grabs the scales and runs, causing the temple to begin to tumble around them. Chiara falls into a sudden crack in the floor. Indy tries to save her, grabbing her hand, but she reaches instead for the scales and falls in. Now Indy starts to fall in, reaches for the scales while daddy holds on, but chooses to let them go when Sr. mentions that he shouldn’t throw his life away. They escape the crumbling temple as Anubis, with jackal head, waves goodbye.
Interior – Church
Indy and Marion marry in front of Daddy and a selection of guest stars from the earlier movies, such as Abner Ravenwood (David Carradine), Willie (Jonathan Ke Huy Quan), Marcus Brodie (Denholm Elliott), and Sallah.
Larry (Voiceover)
So, our heroes escape and we celebrate with Indy and Marion getting married and riding off into the sunset on the horses that were supposed to pull the carriage as the fanfare plays.
Interior – Larry’s Study
Larry
And with that, we end our film. The Judgement of Anubis, the third of the original Indy flicks, performed extremely well at the box office, needless to say, making about ten bucks back for each and every one of its 48 million dollars spent. Fans loved the dynamic between Indy and his dad with Ford and Connery having an amazing screen chemistry. However, it’s not without its detractors. After the controversy about how they treated Asian cultures in the prior film, Spielberg and Lucas decided to put such racist tropes behind them…and portray Africans as bug-eating tribalists. Really, George and Steve? The film explores some pretty high-brow ideas on death and sacrifice as well as the father-son dynamic. Clearly the entire production crew were going through some issues at the time. Love it or hate it, The Judgement of Anubis helped close out what’s been known as “the Axis trilogy” of Indy films since he battles the Nazis, the Imperial Japanese, and the Italian Fascists in turn. Like its predecessors, it pushed the limits of what even a T-rated film could get away with, and which – trivia time – was the very first T-rated Indy flick, the prior two helping to create the T rating after pushing the limit on what a PG film could get away with past the breaking point. And, yes, the sight of yet another heart getting ripped out and devoured helped a new generation of children be traumatized, even if by this point I myself was numbed to such bloody terror, as well as numbed to life in general, patiently awaiting my adult years when all of that repressed trauma could come flooding back. So, pop up some popcorn, pop a Xanax, and put in a VCD of The Judgement of Anubis: An Indiana Jones Adventure. With the lights on. And your teddy bear. And, as always, be sure to like, subscribe, and hit the tracker. Next week we discuss The Land Before Time, the next in our Month of Lisa Henson. See you then!
Theme music plays.
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