Perhaps as a response to Disney's Journey to the Center of the Earth film?
A Hippie in the House of Mouse (Jim Henson at Disney, 1980)
- Thread starter Geekhis Khan
- Start date
- Status
If Columbia's doing Vikings vs Nazis, maybe Disney could go Mayan instead - tie it into El Dorado and the Lost City of Z.
Meh, In Spite of a Nail works better as an anomaly than as a trend.
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Perhaps if they're still made, then it could work as a TV series akin to Babylon 5.
_____punk things don't really seem to count as punk -- to me at least -- when they don't include the bitter, acidic edge of satire.
Indeed. '____punk' as a genre group is supposed to focus on marginalized individuals, social unrest and inequality, and opposition to established norms. You know, the Punk movement. Instead, '____punk' is usually presented as 'popular sci-fi tropes in period costume'.
Steampunk is particularly prone to being Star Wars or Ghost in the Shell in a top hat, entirely reliant on aesthetic recognition rather than any knowledge of Punk, or steam (seriously, I've seen water vapour treated like magic space rocks in a couple of works).
It's infuriating to someone like myself with an interest in the actual historical era the genre pretends to emulate.
Ugly Is as Ugly Does
SHREK! (1992)
Video from revamped Nostalgia was Way Better when I was a Kid Netsite, Dec. 1st, 2009
Interior – Shrek’s Family’s Hole in the Swamp – Den (Animation)
SHREK lays on his belly in front of a large crystal ball, kicking his feet, chin in his hands, watching it like a television. Rainbow Unicorns prance and laugh on the distorted screen. His PARENTS walk in.
(Image source “quora.com”)
Shrek’s FATHER grabs a magic wand with buttons and points it at the crystal ball. He hits the buttons, flipping through channels, until it settles on a horror film of a monster attacking people.
SHREK runs off to his room and slams the door. As the door opens, we briefly see lots of posters of happy elves and princesses and flowers.
CUT TO:
Interior – Larry’s Study
Larry, host and writer for the net show, sits behind a desk in front of all of his nerdy books and toys. Figures of Shrek, Donkey, and Princess Argyle sit on the desk in front of him. His jaunty theme music plays in the background.
The plodding tuba-led music from the Shrek! Soundtrack plays, Randy Newman sings snippets of “You’re Ugly (and I Love You So)” that are just short enough to avoid a copyright claim; title card of the episode name superimposes briefly. MONTAGE of scenes of SHREK and his PARENTS starts.
Interior – Shrek’s Family’s Hole in the Swamp – Hallway (Animation)
SHREK walks down the hall to the bathroom door, opens it, looks left and right, enters and closes the door quietly behind him. His MOTHER walks up a moment later and bangs on the door.
CUT TO:
Interior – Shrek’s Family’s Hole in the Swamp – Bathroom (Animation)
SHREK, shirtless, with numerous bugs hopping around his skin, is getting ready to pour “Louse-B-Gone” on himself.
SHREK hides the Louse-B-Gone and reaches for another bottle labeled “Eau de Fantastique”.
SHREK sighs and puts away the bottle.
Interior – Larry’s Study
Our Timeline’s Art Evolution for Shrek; this one is somewhat similar (Image source “deathmaskofmauricetillet-theangel.blogspot.com”)
MONTAGE of scenes from the movie start to play as LARRY speaks in voiceover.
Exterior – Forest (Animation)
SHREK walks through the woods, plants wilting around him, birds falling from the sky, and animals and villagers fleeing in terror. SHREK soon encounters a WITCH in a clearing in the woods. She is at a bubbling cauldron.
(Image source Amazon)
Exterior – Forest – Witch’s Cauldron (Animation)
SHREK continues to talk with the WITCH. She ceremoniously hands him a battered old sword.
Exterior – Clearing (Animation)
SHREK comes across a DONKEY.
Interior – Castle Argyle (Animation)
Scenes at the castle where the princess foul is kept by the arrogant Prince Guyling and his Knights.
Early Concept Art for the Princess in Shrek! (Image source Vaughn Pinpin on Twitter)
Exterior – Fields (Animation)
Farmers flee in terror. SHREK and DONKEY ignore them as DONKEY councils SHREK.
(Image source “Tor.com”)
Exterior – The Village of Midpoint (Animation)
SHREK and DONKEY wander through a village, sending the peasants running. They take little notice, talking to one another. Some GUARDS intervene and get scattered by SHREK’S fire breath.
Exterior – The Caves of MacGuffin (Animation – dream)
SHREK is now a glorious knight who slays the DRAGON and rescues a beautiful princess, which turns into a terrifying nightmare sequence.
SHREK wakes up screaming.
Exterior – The Actual Caves of MacGuffin (Animation)
SHREK battles the DRAGON.
(Image source “macmillan.com”)
SHREK dodges the claws and bite and fire breath of the DRAGON, then stuns it with his own fire breath and slides under its bulging belly towards its tail. SHREK’S fist flies up, the hand’s hit location hidden by the bulge of the DRAGON’S belly. The DRAGON’S eyes bulge, cross, and then it falls over, moaning and yelping, holding itself between its hind legs.
MONTAGE of scenes of SHREK and Donkey travelling to the Castle Argyle interspersed with scenes of GUYLING and ARGYLE.
(Image source “vintagechildrensbooksmykidloves.com”)
Interior – Castle Argyle (Animation)
MONTAGE of SHREK going through the castle interspersed with scenes of PRINCE GUYLING and the WIZARD.
Interior – Castle Argyle – Dungeon (Animation)
SHREK, wearing a discarded helmet, fights his way to the dungeon and finds the Princess’s cell. He holds up the key that he claimed from the dragon, notes that it doesn’t fit the lock, shrugs and chucks it, just ripping the door off with his bare hands. Inside he finds PRINCESS ARGYLE laying on her side. He is overcome by her alluring hideousness.
SHREK and PRINCESS ARGYLE reach the courtyard where PRINCE GUYLING and the WIZARD are there, surrounded by knights.
SHREK casually head-butts the WIZARD and tosses him over the castle wall into the alligator-filled moat. PRINCE GUYLING and a score of GUARDS then confront them.
While the PRINCESS proceeds to toss around the knights like they were nothing in a series of moves right out of pro wrestling, SHREK grabs a dropped sword and he and the Prince fight in a sweeping, Flynn-inspired battle across the castle.
Interior – Castle Argyle – Throne Room (Animation)
SHREK and PRINCESS ARGYLE are married by an alligator-like priest while a group of hideous monsters, including SHREK’S PARENTS, DONKEY, and the WITCH watch adoringly.
(Image source New York Times)
Theme music for “Nostalgia was Better when I was a Kid” plays.
Interior – Larry’s Study
[Click Return]
[1] Became Tara Strong in our timeline.
[2] Dented Helm tip to @HonestAbe1809 for this idea!
[3] Farley was a client of Bernie Brillstein in our timeline. In this one he’s a client of Bernie’s daughter Leigh. Right now he’s an up-and-coming comedian who’s making a name for himself on SNL. And in case you’re wondering what it would be like:
Video from revamped Nostalgia was Way Better when I was a Kid Netsite, Dec. 1st, 2009
Interior – Shrek’s Family’s Hole in the Swamp – Den (Animation)
SHREK lays on his belly in front of a large crystal ball, kicking his feet, chin in his hands, watching it like a television. Rainbow Unicorns prance and laugh on the distorted screen. His PARENTS walk in.
(Image source “quora.com”)
Unicorn (on Crystal ball) [Tara Charendoff[1]]
Come on, unis! We have to chase the ugly goblins from the Candy Crystal Castle or we’ll never be able to have the Sugar-Dumplin’ Dance!!
Shrek’s Father [Gilbert Gottfried]
Shrek, what in the blazing fires are you watching?
Shrek [Chris Farley]
(petulantly) It’s Happy Unicorns of Candy Castle and I have the right to watch what I want!
Shrek’s Mother [Fran Drescher]
How can you watch that rainbow-colored crap? It’ll rot your brain!
Shrek’s Father
No son of mine is going to watch happy fairytale stuff!
Come on, unis! We have to chase the ugly goblins from the Candy Crystal Castle or we’ll never be able to have the Sugar-Dumplin’ Dance!!
Shrek’s Father [Gilbert Gottfried]
Shrek, what in the blazing fires are you watching?
Shrek [Chris Farley]
(petulantly) It’s Happy Unicorns of Candy Castle and I have the right to watch what I want!
Shrek’s Mother [Fran Drescher]
How can you watch that rainbow-colored crap? It’ll rot your brain!
Shrek’s Father
No son of mine is going to watch happy fairytale stuff!
Shrek’s FATHER grabs a magic wand with buttons and points it at the crystal ball. He hits the buttons, flipping through channels, until it settles on a horror film of a monster attacking people.
Shrek
Hey!! I was watching that!!
Shrek’s Father
There, a proper Ogre film.
Shrek
I HATE YOU, and not in the way that you want me to!!
Hey!! I was watching that!!
Shrek’s Father
There, a proper Ogre film.
Shrek
I HATE YOU, and not in the way that you want me to!!
SHREK runs off to his room and slams the door. As the door opens, we briefly see lots of posters of happy elves and princesses and flowers.
Shrek’s Mother
He takes after your side of the family, you know!
Shrek’s Father
Hey! I can’t help it that Uncle Grash became a candymaker!
He takes after your side of the family, you know!
Shrek’s Father
Hey! I can’t help it that Uncle Grash became a candymaker!
CUT TO:
Interior – Larry’s Study
Larry, host and writer for the net show, sits behind a desk in front of all of his nerdy books and toys. Figures of Shrek, Donkey, and Princess Argyle sit on the desk in front of him. His jaunty theme music plays in the background.
Larry
Hi, I’m Larry, and “Nostalgia was Way Better when I was a Kid”. And today we’re exploring another of those early ‘90s Disney cartoons, 1992’s Shrek! Pardon the yelling, the exclamation point is in the title for a reason, you know…probably. Formed from another of those partnerships between Disney and Amblin and based on a 1990 William Steig children’s book that Jim Henson and Steven Spielberg both loved, Shrek! was an anti-fairytale with a message to love who you are, even if you’re ugly as sin.
Hi, I’m Larry, and “Nostalgia was Way Better when I was a Kid”. And today we’re exploring another of those early ‘90s Disney cartoons, 1992’s Shrek! Pardon the yelling, the exclamation point is in the title for a reason, you know…probably. Formed from another of those partnerships between Disney and Amblin and based on a 1990 William Steig children’s book that Jim Henson and Steven Spielberg both loved, Shrek! was an anti-fairytale with a message to love who you are, even if you’re ugly as sin.
The plodding tuba-led music from the Shrek! Soundtrack plays, Randy Newman sings snippets of “You’re Ugly (and I Love You So)” that are just short enough to avoid a copyright claim; title card of the episode name superimposes briefly. MONTAGE of scenes of SHREK and his PARENTS starts.
Larry (Cont’d)
The film was produced and directed at first by John Lasseter, and then handed to Joe Ranft after Lasseter’s suspension for being a Mr. Grabby-Hands. It was animated by the Disney 3D group and wholly digitally inked and painted with occasional three-dimensional CG bits, much like with the earlier Aladdin. As such, it marks a part of that transition period between 2-D and 3-D digital animation. Thematically, it was quite a change from Disney’s usual fare at the time, and was marketed to older kids and teens. It even sported a PG rating. In fact, some of the themes of ugliness and jaded sarcasm and some of the more ironically juvenile humor led the studio to release it under the Fantasia Films and new Amblimation logos rather than under the Disney logo, the first animated film from Disney animation not to sport the Disney name. Unlike other Disney animated films of the time, it lacked a Broadway-style musical sound track, the first animated film to do so since Elementary. Instead, Randy Newman provided a now-legendary bouncing background soundtrack. Shrek! also had that very Henson-esque way of playing with language and subverting expectations while leaning hard against the fourth wall, a self-parody in many cases of Disney’s own Fairy Tale tropes. They even had an ad campaign where Shrek and Donkey invade and wreak havoc in remade trailers[2] for Disney’s own Animated Canon! Usually with some sort of sarcastic comments related to the tropes of that film, such as Donkey telling Cinderella, “If I were you, Cindy, I’d send your bird friends after those abusive shrews”, meaning her step sisters, in what was simultaneously a self-deprecating poke at Disney Cinderella’s passivity, an Easter Egg for fans of the gruesome original Brothers Grimm stories, and a set-up for a joke delivered in the film itself. Shrek! even pushed the limits on hidden adult humor, sometimes to the breaking point, such as the infamous bathroom scene, which even Jim Henson was reluctant to add for a while.
The film was produced and directed at first by John Lasseter, and then handed to Joe Ranft after Lasseter’s suspension for being a Mr. Grabby-Hands. It was animated by the Disney 3D group and wholly digitally inked and painted with occasional three-dimensional CG bits, much like with the earlier Aladdin. As such, it marks a part of that transition period between 2-D and 3-D digital animation. Thematically, it was quite a change from Disney’s usual fare at the time, and was marketed to older kids and teens. It even sported a PG rating. In fact, some of the themes of ugliness and jaded sarcasm and some of the more ironically juvenile humor led the studio to release it under the Fantasia Films and new Amblimation logos rather than under the Disney logo, the first animated film from Disney animation not to sport the Disney name. Unlike other Disney animated films of the time, it lacked a Broadway-style musical sound track, the first animated film to do so since Elementary. Instead, Randy Newman provided a now-legendary bouncing background soundtrack. Shrek! also had that very Henson-esque way of playing with language and subverting expectations while leaning hard against the fourth wall, a self-parody in many cases of Disney’s own Fairy Tale tropes. They even had an ad campaign where Shrek and Donkey invade and wreak havoc in remade trailers[2] for Disney’s own Animated Canon! Usually with some sort of sarcastic comments related to the tropes of that film, such as Donkey telling Cinderella, “If I were you, Cindy, I’d send your bird friends after those abusive shrews”, meaning her step sisters, in what was simultaneously a self-deprecating poke at Disney Cinderella’s passivity, an Easter Egg for fans of the gruesome original Brothers Grimm stories, and a set-up for a joke delivered in the film itself. Shrek! even pushed the limits on hidden adult humor, sometimes to the breaking point, such as the infamous bathroom scene, which even Jim Henson was reluctant to add for a while.
Interior – Shrek’s Family’s Hole in the Swamp – Hallway (Animation)
SHREK walks down the hall to the bathroom door, opens it, looks left and right, enters and closes the door quietly behind him. His MOTHER walks up a moment later and bangs on the door.
Shrek’s Mother
Shrek, what are you doing in there?
Shrek (V.O.)
Um…nothing Mom!!
Shrek’s Mother
You’re not delousing, are you?
Shrek, what are you doing in there?
Shrek (V.O.)
Um…nothing Mom!!
Shrek’s Mother
You’re not delousing, are you?
CUT TO:
Interior – Shrek’s Family’s Hole in the Swamp – Bathroom (Animation)
SHREK, shirtless, with numerous bugs hopping around his skin, is getting ready to pour “Louse-B-Gone” on himself.
Shrek
Um…no? Just, um…putting on some, uh, stinky swamp water!
Um…no? Just, um…putting on some, uh, stinky swamp water!
SHREK hides the Louse-B-Gone and reaches for another bottle labeled “Eau de Fantastique”.
Shrek’s Mother (V.O.)
And you’d better not be putting on that smelly cologne!
And you’d better not be putting on that smelly cologne!
SHREK sighs and puts away the bottle.
Interior – Larry’s Study
Larry
Um, yea, so they went there. Thankfully, only the parents caught the reference and the censors somehow missed it or were paid to look the other way.
Um, yea, so they went there. Thankfully, only the parents caught the reference and the censors somehow missed it or were paid to look the other way.
Our Timeline’s Art Evolution for Shrek; this one is somewhat similar (Image source “deathmaskofmauricetillet-theangel.blogspot.com”)
MONTAGE of scenes from the movie start to play as LARRY speaks in voiceover.
Larry (V.O.)
So, the titular Shrek, voiced by Chris Farley[3], is this Gen-X teenager type living at home in a hole in the swamp with his unnamed parents, who are bought to life by the ever-dulcet voices of Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher. And his parents are getting tired of his laziness and unwillingness to go out and “make a monster” of himself. Shrek, as a form of teenage rebellion, likes bright and pretty things like elves and unicorns and dreams of being a gallant knight and rescuing princesses. The American Family Association accused the film of promoting a homosexual lifestyle based on this love of supposedly girly things, and in contrast the LGBTQ community embraced the character for the exact same reason, though executive producers Steven Spielberg and Jim Henson maintain that it’s meant to be a joke on the way that suburban teenagers like “scary” things like all-black clothes and death metal and gangster rap in order to piss off their parents. Shrek’s princess and pony posters are thus the equivalent of a teenage boy from Yorba Linda hanging up Slayer and NWA posters, so you can think of him more as the fantasy equivalent of a Brony or Brunny. And, well, needless to say his parents finally have enough of his underachieving ways, and literally kick him out of the swamp.
So, the titular Shrek, voiced by Chris Farley[3], is this Gen-X teenager type living at home in a hole in the swamp with his unnamed parents, who are bought to life by the ever-dulcet voices of Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher. And his parents are getting tired of his laziness and unwillingness to go out and “make a monster” of himself. Shrek, as a form of teenage rebellion, likes bright and pretty things like elves and unicorns and dreams of being a gallant knight and rescuing princesses. The American Family Association accused the film of promoting a homosexual lifestyle based on this love of supposedly girly things, and in contrast the LGBTQ community embraced the character for the exact same reason, though executive producers Steven Spielberg and Jim Henson maintain that it’s meant to be a joke on the way that suburban teenagers like “scary” things like all-black clothes and death metal and gangster rap in order to piss off their parents. Shrek’s princess and pony posters are thus the equivalent of a teenage boy from Yorba Linda hanging up Slayer and NWA posters, so you can think of him more as the fantasy equivalent of a Brony or Brunny. And, well, needless to say his parents finally have enough of his underachieving ways, and literally kick him out of the swamp.
Exterior – Forest (Animation)
SHREK walks through the woods, plants wilting around him, birds falling from the sky, and animals and villagers fleeing in terror. SHREK soon encounters a WITCH in a clearing in the woods. She is at a bubbling cauldron.
(Image source Amazon)
Larry (V.O.)
So, the newly let’s-say ‘emancipated’ Shrek goes out into the uncaring world, loving the beauty of the birds and flowers even as they wilt and fall out of the sky as he walks by. He encounters an unnamed Witch voiced by the great Chloris Leachman who, in exchange for some of his “rare” Ogre lice, which recall he was trying to kill earlier, tells him his fortune. In this fortune he’ll meet a talking donkey who will lead him to rescue a princess even uglier than him. And in a running gag that’s catnip to nerds like me who love to overanalyze these things, the plot takes some time to parody Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey by playing with the standard tropes and expectations therein, generally by playing them literally and then subverting them. For example…
So, the newly let’s-say ‘emancipated’ Shrek goes out into the uncaring world, loving the beauty of the birds and flowers even as they wilt and fall out of the sky as he walks by. He encounters an unnamed Witch voiced by the great Chloris Leachman who, in exchange for some of his “rare” Ogre lice, which recall he was trying to kill earlier, tells him his fortune. In this fortune he’ll meet a talking donkey who will lead him to rescue a princess even uglier than him. And in a running gag that’s catnip to nerds like me who love to overanalyze these things, the plot takes some time to parody Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey by playing with the standard tropes and expectations therein, generally by playing them literally and then subverting them. For example…
Exterior – Forest – Witch’s Cauldron (Animation)
SHREK continues to talk with the WITCH. She ceremoniously hands him a battered old sword.
Witch
And this is thy Father’s Sword.
Shrek
Um, my father never had a sword. He sat out the whole war after running off to Troll Country.
Witch
Oh. (beat) Yea, that’s right. Why in the blazes did I have this thing, then? (nonchalantly tosses the sword into the woods, where something squeaks loudly as it lands)
And this is thy Father’s Sword.
Shrek
Um, my father never had a sword. He sat out the whole war after running off to Troll Country.
Witch
Oh. (beat) Yea, that’s right. Why in the blazes did I have this thing, then? (nonchalantly tosses the sword into the woods, where something squeaks loudly as it lands)
Exterior – Clearing (Animation)
SHREK comes across a DONKEY.
Larry (V.O.)
So, Shrek, now excited at the chance to rescue a princess and live a version of his childhood dreams, goes out into the world following the instructions from the Witch. He has some hijinks with the locals before he finally comes across the Donkey, voiced by George Carlin, who in addition to filling his prophesied role to lead Shrek to the castle to free the princess foul, also serves as a wise and experienced, if really jaded, mentor figure in the most George Carlin way possible. He’s a figurative and literal Wise Ass, in case you missed the joke.
Shrek
OK, you must be the Donkey.
Donkey
(hee-haws dumbly)
Shrek
And...um..."Apple Strudel!" (long awkward pause) Ok, so I said the magic words the witch gave me. You’re going to lead me to the princess now, um, right?
Donkey
(hee-haws dumbly)
Shrek
(slaps forehead) That stupid witch tricked me! Oh, Dad’s right, I’m such a dumb-a…
Donkey
Hey, watch it, pal!
Shrek
HOLY Schnikey, wait a minute…you can talk!
Donkey
Yea, and I always have. The magic words are so I can recognize you. I was just messin’ with you. Seriously, kid, you need to relax!
So, Shrek, now excited at the chance to rescue a princess and live a version of his childhood dreams, goes out into the world following the instructions from the Witch. He has some hijinks with the locals before he finally comes across the Donkey, voiced by George Carlin, who in addition to filling his prophesied role to lead Shrek to the castle to free the princess foul, also serves as a wise and experienced, if really jaded, mentor figure in the most George Carlin way possible. He’s a figurative and literal Wise Ass, in case you missed the joke.
Shrek
OK, you must be the Donkey.
Donkey
(hee-haws dumbly)
Shrek
And...um..."Apple Strudel!" (long awkward pause) Ok, so I said the magic words the witch gave me. You’re going to lead me to the princess now, um, right?
Donkey
(hee-haws dumbly)
Shrek
(slaps forehead) That stupid witch tricked me! Oh, Dad’s right, I’m such a dumb-a…
Donkey
Hey, watch it, pal!
Shrek
HOLY Schnikey, wait a minute…you can talk!
Donkey
Yea, and I always have. The magic words are so I can recognize you. I was just messin’ with you. Seriously, kid, you need to relax!
Interior – Castle Argyle (Animation)
Scenes at the castle where the princess foul is kept by the arrogant Prince Guyling and his Knights.
Early Concept Art for the Princess in Shrek! (Image source Vaughn Pinpin on Twitter)
Larry (V.O.)
So, we now start to cut back-and-forth to Castle Argyle, home of Princess Argyle voiced by Carol Kane, who we learn is held captive by the handsome but reprehensible Prince Guyling, voiced by Steve Martin, who Spielberg wanted for the role of Shrek, but who instead wanted to play the villain. Prince Guyling believes that the Princess Argyle is in fact cursed to ugliness by a witch and has an incompetent wizard, voiced by John Ratzenberger in his first of many 3D collaborations, trying to develop a cure. Guyling hopes to marry the Princess so that he can lay claim to the bountiful lands she possesses. And yes, Python fans, they make a “huge tracts of land” joke.
Prince Guyling
Don’t try to deny it, Princess, you’ve been cursed by a witch and are secretly beautiful! And once my wizard finds the cure for your curse, you’ll be sure to marry me, your brave, stalwart, handsome, and dare I say charming prince!
Princess Argyle
(snorts) Don’t strain your arm patting yourself on the back there, pal. And I hate to break this to you, but this is the real me. You read too many fairy stories.
Larry (V.O.)
They are, of course, wrong about her being cursed, but don’t believe the princess when she tries to tell them. The Prince finally decides to throw the Princess in the dungeon to be silently executed and replaced by a beautiful peasant girl that the Wizard will then swear is the “real” Princess in a switcheroo. We spend enough time with them to learn about the Prince’s spoiled upbringing and mother-complex, with allusions to Prince John in Disney’s Robin Hood, which has led him to develop an “ugly heart” in contrast to his physical attractiveness. This stands in contrast to Shrek’s more “tough love” background, which taught him to be “beautiful of heart” even if he’s ugly of form.
So, we now start to cut back-and-forth to Castle Argyle, home of Princess Argyle voiced by Carol Kane, who we learn is held captive by the handsome but reprehensible Prince Guyling, voiced by Steve Martin, who Spielberg wanted for the role of Shrek, but who instead wanted to play the villain. Prince Guyling believes that the Princess Argyle is in fact cursed to ugliness by a witch and has an incompetent wizard, voiced by John Ratzenberger in his first of many 3D collaborations, trying to develop a cure. Guyling hopes to marry the Princess so that he can lay claim to the bountiful lands she possesses. And yes, Python fans, they make a “huge tracts of land” joke.
Prince Guyling
Don’t try to deny it, Princess, you’ve been cursed by a witch and are secretly beautiful! And once my wizard finds the cure for your curse, you’ll be sure to marry me, your brave, stalwart, handsome, and dare I say charming prince!
Princess Argyle
(snorts) Don’t strain your arm patting yourself on the back there, pal. And I hate to break this to you, but this is the real me. You read too many fairy stories.
Larry (V.O.)
They are, of course, wrong about her being cursed, but don’t believe the princess when she tries to tell them. The Prince finally decides to throw the Princess in the dungeon to be silently executed and replaced by a beautiful peasant girl that the Wizard will then swear is the “real” Princess in a switcheroo. We spend enough time with them to learn about the Prince’s spoiled upbringing and mother-complex, with allusions to Prince John in Disney’s Robin Hood, which has led him to develop an “ugly heart” in contrast to his physical attractiveness. This stands in contrast to Shrek’s more “tough love” background, which taught him to be “beautiful of heart” even if he’s ugly of form.
Exterior – Fields (Animation)
Farmers flee in terror. SHREK and DONKEY ignore them as DONKEY councils SHREK.
(Image source “Tor.com”)
Larry (V.O.)
And meanwhile, back with Shrek and Donkey, we learn some of the “wisdom” of the latter as they quest for the Castle.
Donkey
You see, kid, the world doesn’t give a pile about your dreams, and it ain’t going to hand you nothing. And if a fairy godmother flies into your window with a great glowing aura and a wand with a star on the end, then my advice is to swat her with a magazine. Trust me, kid, those flighty dames are always up to no good, and there’s always a catch. If you really want to achieve your goals, then you need to roll up your sleeves and do it yourself.
Shrek
But what about believing in the power of your dreams?
Donkey
Yea, sure, believe all you want, but (pokes SHREK in the chest with a with a hoof, accentuating the point) believe in yourself first. And then, and here’s the critical part, act on those beliefs. Sure, Cindy’s Prince finally came, but she slaved away to those lazy interlopers for years first. She should have taken my advice and fled that dump years ago. She had a whole army of cutesy critters at her behest. She could have been Queen of the Forest, and on her own terms, not a kept woman married to that inbred dolt.
Shrek
(long, awkward pause) Life hasn’t been kind to you, has it, Donkey?
Larry (V.O.)
Tah-daa!! Payoff. For a set-up made in a teaser trailer.
And meanwhile, back with Shrek and Donkey, we learn some of the “wisdom” of the latter as they quest for the Castle.
Donkey
You see, kid, the world doesn’t give a pile about your dreams, and it ain’t going to hand you nothing. And if a fairy godmother flies into your window with a great glowing aura and a wand with a star on the end, then my advice is to swat her with a magazine. Trust me, kid, those flighty dames are always up to no good, and there’s always a catch. If you really want to achieve your goals, then you need to roll up your sleeves and do it yourself.
Shrek
But what about believing in the power of your dreams?
Donkey
Yea, sure, believe all you want, but (pokes SHREK in the chest with a with a hoof, accentuating the point) believe in yourself first. And then, and here’s the critical part, act on those beliefs. Sure, Cindy’s Prince finally came, but she slaved away to those lazy interlopers for years first. She should have taken my advice and fled that dump years ago. She had a whole army of cutesy critters at her behest. She could have been Queen of the Forest, and on her own terms, not a kept woman married to that inbred dolt.
Shrek
(long, awkward pause) Life hasn’t been kind to you, has it, Donkey?
Larry (V.O.)
Tah-daa!! Payoff. For a set-up made in a teaser trailer.
Exterior – The Village of Midpoint (Animation)
SHREK and DONKEY wander through a village, sending the peasants running. They take little notice, talking to one another. Some GUARDS intervene and get scattered by SHREK’S fire breath.
Larry (V.O.)
So, the two reach the fittingly-named village of Midpoint and after an exposition drop by Donkey set out to find the Caves of MacGuffin, guarded by a fierce dragon, where the key that will free the princess foul is hidden.
So, the two reach the fittingly-named village of Midpoint and after an exposition drop by Donkey set out to find the Caves of MacGuffin, guarded by a fierce dragon, where the key that will free the princess foul is hidden.
Exterior – The Caves of MacGuffin (Animation – dream)
SHREK is now a glorious knight who slays the DRAGON and rescues a beautiful princess, which turns into a terrifying nightmare sequence.
Larry (V.O.)
To mark this momentous screenplay milestone is a terrifying misdirection-dream where Shrek finds himself a heroic knight who vanquishes the dragon atop a glorious steed and rescues a beautiful blonde princess, who goes to embrace him. And soon a bunch of laughing children appear and want to dance and play, pulling Shrek into a happy place right out of the shows he used to watch. Shrek starts to panic as they slowly turn him into a handsome prince.
To mark this momentous screenplay milestone is a terrifying misdirection-dream where Shrek finds himself a heroic knight who vanquishes the dragon atop a glorious steed and rescues a beautiful blonde princess, who goes to embrace him. And soon a bunch of laughing children appear and want to dance and play, pulling Shrek into a happy place right out of the shows he used to watch. Shrek starts to panic as they slowly turn him into a handsome prince.
SHREK wakes up screaming.
Donkey
Wake up, kid! You’re having a nightmare!
Shrek
(shakes) Donkey, it was horrible! I was so…handsome!
Wake up, kid! You’re having a nightmare!
Shrek
(shakes) Donkey, it was horrible! I was so…handsome!
Exterior – The Actual Caves of MacGuffin (Animation)
SHREK battles the DRAGON.
Larry (V.O.)
And after the terrifying misdirection-dream, Shrek and Donkey go to the also fittingly-named Caves of MacGuffin to battle the Dragon and claim the, um, MacGuffin, passing the charred remains of Knights Fair along the way. Shrek wants to ride Donkey into battle with a lance, but Donkey, after pointing out what happened to the knights who did so, instead describes, with coy references to the “belly of the beast” for us Campbell nerds, that all dragons have a “soft underbelly” that can be exploited. Shrek, of course, finds his own way.
And after the terrifying misdirection-dream, Shrek and Donkey go to the also fittingly-named Caves of MacGuffin to battle the Dragon and claim the, um, MacGuffin, passing the charred remains of Knights Fair along the way. Shrek wants to ride Donkey into battle with a lance, but Donkey, after pointing out what happened to the knights who did so, instead describes, with coy references to the “belly of the beast” for us Campbell nerds, that all dragons have a “soft underbelly” that can be exploited. Shrek, of course, finds his own way.
(Image source “macmillan.com”)
SHREK dodges the claws and bite and fire breath of the DRAGON, then stuns it with his own fire breath and slides under its bulging belly towards its tail. SHREK’S fist flies up, the hand’s hit location hidden by the bulge of the DRAGON’S belly. The DRAGON’S eyes bulge, cross, and then it falls over, moaning and yelping, holding itself between its hind legs.
Shrek
(emerging) Sweet! I found the soft spot!
Donkey
Not the, um, ‘soft spot’ I meant, but it’ll do.
(emerging) Sweet! I found the soft spot!
Donkey
Not the, um, ‘soft spot’ I meant, but it’ll do.
MONTAGE of scenes of SHREK and Donkey travelling to the Castle Argyle interspersed with scenes of GUYLING and ARGYLE.
Larry (V.O.)
It now cuts back and forth between Guyling at his hammy best confronting Princess Argyle and Shrek and Donkey passing through the Fields of Padding until they reach the castle, where Shrek is met by a group of knights. He defeats them with his fire breath, physical strength, and retched smell. Just as he’s ready to enter the castle, however, Donkey tells him that he’s on his own.
It now cuts back and forth between Guyling at his hammy best confronting Princess Argyle and Shrek and Donkey passing through the Fields of Padding until they reach the castle, where Shrek is met by a group of knights. He defeats them with his fire breath, physical strength, and retched smell. Just as he’s ready to enter the castle, however, Donkey tells him that he’s on his own.
(Image source “vintagechildrensbooksmykidloves.com”)
Donkey
Shrek, I’ve led you to the castle and fulfilled my narrative purpose. Now you must go on alone.
Shrek
But where will you go? What will I do without your wisdom? Why can’t you come with me to rescue the princess?
Donkey
For the first question, I’ll retire. There’s a nice field of timothy grass I have my eye on. To the second question, that’s up to you. Have faith in yourself, Shrek. And as to the third…well, let’s just say that I’ve seen what happens to mentor figures who overstay their purpose. Now, go get her, Shrek!
Shrek, I’ve led you to the castle and fulfilled my narrative purpose. Now you must go on alone.
Shrek
But where will you go? What will I do without your wisdom? Why can’t you come with me to rescue the princess?
Donkey
For the first question, I’ll retire. There’s a nice field of timothy grass I have my eye on. To the second question, that’s up to you. Have faith in yourself, Shrek. And as to the third…well, let’s just say that I’ve seen what happens to mentor figures who overstay their purpose. Now, go get her, Shrek!
Interior – Castle Argyle (Animation)
MONTAGE of SHREK going through the castle interspersed with scenes of PRINCE GUYLING and the WIZARD.
Larry (V.O.)
So, now the solo Shrek works his way through Castle Argyle battling Knights. This is intercut with scenes of Prince Guyling trying to organize the defense while the Wizard prepares for the Princess sacrifice and switch. At one point Shrek is trapped in a maze of mirrors, and is horrified by all the “terrifying monsters” that he sees, along with various audio clips from earlier in the film of the various people reacting in fear of him and sound bites from his shows about the value of beauty. This is played as him coming to terms with his external ugliness and learning to appreciate the beauty of it, and now fully embraces his self-confidence and self-respect.
So, now the solo Shrek works his way through Castle Argyle battling Knights. This is intercut with scenes of Prince Guyling trying to organize the defense while the Wizard prepares for the Princess sacrifice and switch. At one point Shrek is trapped in a maze of mirrors, and is horrified by all the “terrifying monsters” that he sees, along with various audio clips from earlier in the film of the various people reacting in fear of him and sound bites from his shows about the value of beauty. This is played as him coming to terms with his external ugliness and learning to appreciate the beauty of it, and now fully embraces his self-confidence and self-respect.
Interior – Castle Argyle – Dungeon (Animation)
SHREK, wearing a discarded helmet, fights his way to the dungeon and finds the Princess’s cell. He holds up the key that he claimed from the dragon, notes that it doesn’t fit the lock, shrugs and chucks it, just ripping the door off with his bare hands. Inside he finds PRINCESS ARGYLE laying on her side. He is overcome by her alluring hideousness.
Princess Argyle
Aren’t you a little tall and ugly for a knight?
Shrek
(removed helmet) I’m, um, Shrek. I’m here to rescue you! The Witch sent me!
Princess Argyle
The Witch? Well, why didn’t you say so, toots?
Larry (V.O.)
This more confident, self-respecting Shrek reaches the dungeon, where, after a sight gag that made the battle with the dragon hilariously pointless, he rescues the Princess in a scene directly quoting Star Wars. They fight their way through the guards, she just as nasty and brutal of a dirty fighter as he. They escape to the courtyard, where the Prince and the Wizard await them for the battle royale…with cheese!
Aren’t you a little tall and ugly for a knight?
Shrek
(removed helmet) I’m, um, Shrek. I’m here to rescue you! The Witch sent me!
Princess Argyle
The Witch? Well, why didn’t you say so, toots?
Larry (V.O.)
This more confident, self-respecting Shrek reaches the dungeon, where, after a sight gag that made the battle with the dragon hilariously pointless, he rescues the Princess in a scene directly quoting Star Wars. They fight their way through the guards, she just as nasty and brutal of a dirty fighter as he. They escape to the courtyard, where the Prince and the Wizard await them for the battle royale…with cheese!
SHREK and PRINCESS ARGYLE reach the courtyard where PRINCE GUYLING and the WIZARD are there, surrounded by knights.
Wizard
(summoning glowing bands of magic with his hands) Be gone, foul beast, or my powerful magic will...
(summoning glowing bands of magic with his hands) Be gone, foul beast, or my powerful magic will...
SHREK casually head-butts the WIZARD and tosses him over the castle wall into the alligator-filled moat. PRINCE GUYLING and a score of GUARDS then confront them.
Shrek
Alright, pal, we’re leaving, so get out of the freakin’ way!
Prince Guyling
(drawing sword) You shall never pass, you foul monster! You hideous boil! You festering wart! You plague! You beast! You ugly, ugly fiend! You…
Shrek
(interrupting) Yea, yea, I got it! Ugly Ogre. There’s no need to be rude, you know!
Prince Guyling
Well, excuuusse me, Mr. Ugly Pants!
Princess Argyle
Kick his butt, Shrek! I’ll handle the rest of these goons!
Alright, pal, we’re leaving, so get out of the freakin’ way!
Prince Guyling
(drawing sword) You shall never pass, you foul monster! You hideous boil! You festering wart! You plague! You beast! You ugly, ugly fiend! You…
Shrek
(interrupting) Yea, yea, I got it! Ugly Ogre. There’s no need to be rude, you know!
Prince Guyling
Well, excuuusse me, Mr. Ugly Pants!
Princess Argyle
Kick his butt, Shrek! I’ll handle the rest of these goons!
While the PRINCESS proceeds to toss around the knights like they were nothing in a series of moves right out of pro wrestling, SHREK grabs a dropped sword and he and the Prince fight in a sweeping, Flynn-inspired battle across the castle.
Larry (V.O.)
So, while the Princess proceeds to wipe the floor with the luckless minions, Shrek and the Prince get in this big and I must say grandly choreographed sword fight that’s part swashbuckling Errol Flynn adventure and part Three Stooges slapstick. They exchange quips, lean on the fourth wall, and in the end, Shrek asks himself why he’s fighting with a sword and simply heats up Guyling’s shining armor with his fire breath. The smoking Prince ends up diving in the garderobe, which is a fancy medieval way of saying the toilet, to quench the burning steel.
So, while the Princess proceeds to wipe the floor with the luckless minions, Shrek and the Prince get in this big and I must say grandly choreographed sword fight that’s part swashbuckling Errol Flynn adventure and part Three Stooges slapstick. They exchange quips, lean on the fourth wall, and in the end, Shrek asks himself why he’s fighting with a sword and simply heats up Guyling’s shining armor with his fire breath. The smoking Prince ends up diving in the garderobe, which is a fancy medieval way of saying the toilet, to quench the burning steel.
Interior – Castle Argyle – Throne Room (Animation)
SHREK and PRINCESS ARGYLE are married by an alligator-like priest while a group of hideous monsters, including SHREK’S PARENTS, DONKEY, and the WITCH watch adoringly.
Larry (V.O.)
And thus, Shrek has not only saved the Princess, but saved the lands from a plan by the Prince to develop it all into luxury timeshares. Shrek and the Princess fall totally in love with one another, and thus, the victorious Shrek marries the Princess, complete with a big dance party at the end.
And thus, Shrek has not only saved the Princess, but saved the lands from a plan by the Prince to develop it all into luxury timeshares. Shrek and the Princess fall totally in love with one another, and thus, the victorious Shrek marries the Princess, complete with a big dance party at the end.
(Image source New York Times)
Donkey
(to camera) And they lived horribly ever after!
(to camera) And they lived horribly ever after!
Theme music for “Nostalgia was Better when I was a Kid” plays.
Interior – Larry’s Study
Larry
So there you have it, nerds, Shrek! It was a watershed film for Disney and a huge break from the standard formula…a formula already on its way out starting with The Black Cauldron and cemented with Mort. Buoyed by smart writing, serious voice talent, and distributed under the Fantasia label, Shrek! is full of that Hensonesque humor plus some Spielbergian childishness. This anti-fairytale managed to affectionately satirize Disney’s own classic formula and that of fairy tales in general while also teaching important lessons about the deeper beauty and ugliness beyond shallow appearance, which many see as a valuable break for the standard-for-the-time trope of “good is beautiful, evil is ugly”. While Shrek! didn’t live up to the numbers of other Disney films of the era – making a good $182 million against its $34 million budget is nothing to laugh at but a far cry from Aladdin’s over half-a-billion – it still performed well thanks to older kids who loved the gross-out humor, teens who loved the cagy adult jokes, and young adults (particularly college students) who appreciated the satirical elements. It got its share of anger and praise at the time and in hindsight is seen as an underappreciated classic that was in many respects ahead of its time. It has gone on to have a strong cult following, spawned a TV animated series, and for a generation was one of the first films that they saw that bridged that child-to-adult barrier and did so with a lot of snark, but also with a lot of heart. Next week we discuss the Disney/Ghibli crossover The Bamboo Princess from the same year. Be sure to hit that Like and Track button, and…
So there you have it, nerds, Shrek! It was a watershed film for Disney and a huge break from the standard formula…a formula already on its way out starting with The Black Cauldron and cemented with Mort. Buoyed by smart writing, serious voice talent, and distributed under the Fantasia label, Shrek! is full of that Hensonesque humor plus some Spielbergian childishness. This anti-fairytale managed to affectionately satirize Disney’s own classic formula and that of fairy tales in general while also teaching important lessons about the deeper beauty and ugliness beyond shallow appearance, which many see as a valuable break for the standard-for-the-time trope of “good is beautiful, evil is ugly”. While Shrek! didn’t live up to the numbers of other Disney films of the era – making a good $182 million against its $34 million budget is nothing to laugh at but a far cry from Aladdin’s over half-a-billion – it still performed well thanks to older kids who loved the gross-out humor, teens who loved the cagy adult jokes, and young adults (particularly college students) who appreciated the satirical elements. It got its share of anger and praise at the time and in hindsight is seen as an underappreciated classic that was in many respects ahead of its time. It has gone on to have a strong cult following, spawned a TV animated series, and for a generation was one of the first films that they saw that bridged that child-to-adult barrier and did so with a lot of snark, but also with a lot of heart. Next week we discuss the Disney/Ghibli crossover The Bamboo Princess from the same year. Be sure to hit that Like and Track button, and…
[Click Return]
[1] Became Tara Strong in our timeline.
[2] Dented Helm tip to @HonestAbe1809 for this idea!
[3] Farley was a client of Bernie Brillstein in our timeline. In this one he’s a client of Bernie’s daughter Leigh. Right now he’s an up-and-coming comedian who’s making a name for himself on SNL. And in case you’re wondering what it would be like:
I’ve been genuinely impressed with this TL so far, though I’m not exactly a fan with a few things it’s doing so far…
Specifically in regards to what it’s doing with films like Jurassic Park, Back to the Future, Shrek etc.
I feel like the current trend of having these iconic films and media being made by, produced by and created by Disney makes this TL seem.. less special? Like, I don’t know, I’m not exactly a fan of how Disney is making EVERYTHING.
Specifically in regards to what it’s doing with films like Jurassic Park, Back to the Future, Shrek etc.
I feel like the current trend of having these iconic films and media being made by, produced by and created by Disney makes this TL seem.. less special? Like, I don’t know, I’m not exactly a fan of how Disney is making EVERYTHING.
Is it weird that I actually like the Argyle look seen in the "concept art" (pointy ears, beaky nose, snake earrings)? Does she look like this in the film, @Geekhis Khan? This girl who looks like a dark elf or evil queen-in-the-making is actually this Daria-style, snarky, "don't give a shit what you think of me" girl - personally, I would have had Joan Jett, rather than Carol Kane, but, hey, you can't have everything.
Part of me, however, finds this rather weird - part of what made the OTL Shrek such a classic is that it was skewering the Disney fairytale format and was well aware of this (Farquaad is an Eisner parody as per Word of God, Duloc is a Disneyland pastiche...).
Somehow, it feels a bit... tame, compared to what I think a lot of us were expecting - ITTL's The Emperor's New Groove, as in it's a film where Disney is taking the absolute piss out of itself, complete with Shrek and Donkey crashing various other Disney films in the trailers (a la the "Interstich-als", where Stitch crashed other Disney movies).
I think quite a lot of these are logical suppositions - BTTF was taken to Disney in OTL, but they didn't like the "Marty's mum has crush on him in past" thing (Jim tells them to stop being fuddy-duddies ITTL).
Re: JP and Shrek, I should point out that both of these were Spielberg ideas - Spielberg had brought the rights to Shrek in 1991 (back when Amblimation was a thing IRRC) and decided to get it made into a film (didn't get off the ground... and Amblimation folded a few years later), before DreamWorks had even heard of it (or was even a glint in a pissed-off Katzenberg's eye)
For Jurassic Park, Spielberg was pretty much the driving force behind getting Crichton's novel filmed in the first place - he met Crichton in 1989, shortly before the novel was published and convinced him to see if he could get it made into a film. Whilst Crichton put out a $1.5 million non-negotiable bid for the film rights from various different studios, the general consensus seems to be that Crichton would have probably favoured whichever studio was bidding on Spielberg's behalf - in OTL, Universal and ITTL, Disney/MGM.
Part of me, however, finds this rather weird - part of what made the OTL Shrek such a classic is that it was skewering the Disney fairytale format and was well aware of this (Farquaad is an Eisner parody as per Word of God, Duloc is a Disneyland pastiche...).
Somehow, it feels a bit... tame, compared to what I think a lot of us were expecting - ITTL's The Emperor's New Groove, as in it's a film where Disney is taking the absolute piss out of itself, complete with Shrek and Donkey crashing various other Disney films in the trailers (a la the "Interstich-als", where Stitch crashed other Disney movies).
I think quite a lot of these are logical suppositions - BTTF was taken to Disney in OTL, but they didn't like the "Marty's mum has crush on him in past" thing (Jim tells them to stop being fuddy-duddies ITTL).
Re: JP and Shrek, I should point out that both of these were Spielberg ideas - Spielberg had brought the rights to Shrek in 1991 (back when Amblimation was a thing IRRC) and decided to get it made into a film (didn't get off the ground... and Amblimation folded a few years later), before DreamWorks had even heard of it (or was even a glint in a pissed-off Katzenberg's eye)
For Jurassic Park, Spielberg was pretty much the driving force behind getting Crichton's novel filmed in the first place - he met Crichton in 1989, shortly before the novel was published and convinced him to see if he could get it made into a film. Whilst Crichton put out a $1.5 million non-negotiable bid for the film rights from various different studios, the general consensus seems to be that Crichton would have probably favoured whichever studio was bidding on Spielberg's behalf - in OTL, Universal and ITTL, Disney/MGM.
Hollywood Pictures, probably - Eisner is enough of a dudebro to like the song unironically.
I mean, fair. But I still think that Shrek shouldn’t go to Disney, the film was unique BECAUSE it took the piss out of Disney and came from an up and coming successful film company made up of underdogs, making it apart of the Disney Brand makes the film lose some of its charm in a lot of ways.
I think this is more of an artifact of how, quite naturally, we're focused more on what Disney is doing than what other people are doing (after all, that's where Jim Henson is). Of course there is some information about what other people are doing, but relatively less, so we're probably missing the big iconic things that they're doing because of that.
Exactly! That’s why I find this TL somewhat… boring to me? Like, no offence to Khan, because it’s very very clear he’s putting a hell of work into this and I highly commend him for it, but honestly focusing so much on plainly what Disney is up to makes the TL feel very barebones in some places.
I actually see it the other way around, it might be be focused too little on Disney...but this is because I see a lot of similarities with Eyes Turned Skywards, particularly in terms of the sprawling scope of the timeline and its coverage of things that are outside of the main focus of the story and are only tangentially related at most. And in hindsight those things were weaknesses of Eyes, not strengths, at least in my mind.
Well that's what happens when you get butterflies caused by Disney's changes. Its inevitable, and I think its a good balance so far.
This Shrek seems to be a little bit different to OTL's in the sense that it's less a conscious piss-take (with semi-anachronistic gags and self-referential humour) and more a differently played fairy tale.
Somehow, it feels a bit... tame, compared to what I think a lot of us (myself included) were expecting - ITTL's The Emperor's New Groove, as in it's a film where Disney is taking the absolute piss out of itself, complete with a stoned court wizard with a fondness for puppets (Henson parody) and Shrek and Donkey crashing various other Disney films in the trailers (a la the "Interstich-als", where Stitch crashed other Disney movies).
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