When you Wish Upon a Frog (Book II of the Jim Henson at Disney saga)
- Thread starter Geekhis Khan
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Movies 2001-2004
New York Times Short Movie Reviews, 2001-2004
All That Glitters… (2001)
Ralph Fiennes reprises his role as the next James Bond one last time[1] in this remake of the classic 1964 Sean Connery classic Goldfinger. And alas, the gold does not shine quite so well. In keeping with the ongoing “New Old Bond” series, the film follows the book more closely, sadly to its detriment as many of the pragmatic changes to the 1964 film, such as the nature of Auric Goldfinger’s plot, were for the better. A simple plot to steal the gold of Fort Knox, as noted by Connery’s Bond, just isn’t practical, even using a tactical nuke to break in. The 1964 film idea, to simply radiate the gold to destroy the US economy and spike gold prices, was infinitely more practical and ingenious. As such, Goldfinger comes across as more deluded than brilliant in this interpretation, with Bond instead wondering if Goldfinger’s Soviet allies are setting him up specifically to irradiate the gold.
Similarly, others may find the simple attempted strangling of Bond by Odd Job less memorable than getting cut in half by a giant laser, however campy.
But whatever the case, the film still manages to hold on well as popcorn fare. Fiennes could have phoned in his last appearance, but instead is as solid as ever as 007. Jeroen Krabbé shines as the titular Goldfinger, arguably giving Gert Fröbe a run for his money. B.D. Wong gives stoic dignity to the role of Oddjob, Rebecca Romijn and Amy Smart do well as the doomed Jill and Tilley Masterson, and Cate Blanchett gives a new honor and decency to Pussy Galore, who in this version of the film thankfully remains a lesbian, with no uncomfortable “rape her straight” scene (said scene was never in the original Fleming novel, though he did fall back on the old saw about lesbianism being a trauma-induced mental illness). And Freddie Mercury’s platinum-selling cover of the original Shirley Bassey song is a delight all on its own.
And if this version of Goldfinger can’t compete for hearts and minds with the “original” Connery vehicle, there is little doubt that it is enjoyable on its own, helping to correct some of the sins of the earlier production while still providing an action-packed caper worthy of Bond.
Goldfinger; Rated T for violence, adult situations, sexuality, and substance use; ⭐⭐½
This Film Rocks (2001)
Many have wondered when Arnold Schwarzenegger would make a comics film. Well, believe it or not, he just has. Directed by John McTiernan based on a screenplay by John Milius, Sgt. Rock is actually based upon an old DC Comic of the same name. And while the film does follow some of the usual action movie tropes, with a few choice quips for Schwarzenegger, this is decidedly a more serious film in the vein of Crusader rather than Conan. The film follows Rock as he leads an all-star force on a dangerous secret mission in Nazi Europe in World War 2. Paying homage to The Dirty Dozen and similar classic war films, the movie explores the complexity of the conflict, even as it is decidedly pro-US. And if the thought of an Austrian son of a German soldier holds a certain irony, they acknowledge this fact, making Rock in this retelling an Austrian emigree named Rachmuhl whose family fled when Hitler annexed Austria.
While the film can be formulaic and unapologetically violent and hyper-masculine, there is still a soul to the film, brought out by McTiernan’s subtle direction and sympathetic camera work, even as his “eye for action” is displayed in full. While some may want to dismiss this as empty action, it takes its time to set the stakes, both physical and emotional, and gives Rock a vested interest in this Austrian-set mission.
In all, Sgt. Rock is one of the better DC comics films, even if you didn’t know it was a DC comics film.
Sgt. Rock; Rated T for violence, profanity, adult situations, and alcohol and tobacco use; ⭐⭐⭐
Brothers Reunited (2002)
Luke Wilson has been a staple of quirky comedies for the last few years, but it was his brother Owen that was once seen as the rising star. And yet when his 1996 comedy Bottle Rocket failed at the box office, Owen joined the US Marines as a helicopter mechanic and served briefly in Rwanda while his brother went on to fame in Hollywood. Well, now Owen is back, having completed his enlistment and is costarring with his brother Luke in Brothers in Arms, a quirky new comedy by their friend Wes Anderson[2]. Starring two brothers (Luke and Owen) who enlist together in the US Marine Corps, Brothers in Arms is a strange and quirky Indie comedy, and one much drier than you might expect from what is superficially a war film. Released by Wildside Productions, Brothers in Arms has a style all its own, and, when following Bottle Rocket and 1998’s Revolutionary, shows Anderson to be an auteur unlike any other. Using almost old-fashioned sets and effects sewn together using CG, Brothers in Arms is also visually unlike anything else that you have seen, with an almost pastel pallet and uncanny symmetry. Luke and Owen shine together, inevitably hyper-calm and flat-faced even in the face of the strangest of circumstances, be that boot camp, work on the flightline, or the war in Rwanda. Cate Blanchett shines as their commanding officer, as does Gwyneth Paltrow as the triangulated love interest. In all, this strangely stylistic and postmodern war film is best seen rather than described.
Brothers in Arms; Rated T for mild violence, profanity, alcohol use, sexuality, and adult situations; ⭐⭐⭐½
A Hostile Partnership (2002)
The era of the Activist Investor was bound to make its way to the Big Screen, and naturally, given the headline-grabbing Good Shepherds Group proxy battle with Disney, Hyperion Pictures would be the first to have some fun with the concept. And the resulting film, Proxy, is a blast. When politically Liberal Chairwoman Amy Fuller of the Fuller Toy Company (Tina Fey) finds her struggling company suddenly partly acquired by politically Conservative Activist Investor Dick Kaiser (Dean Winters), the resulting proxy fight moves beyond business and into the deeply personal. The result is a quirky, messy, highly-dysfunctional Rom-Com, or satire of Rom-Coms…or possibly a bit of both. Full of humor that straddles both the High Brow and the Low and a strangely perfect toxic chemistry between the two leads, Proxy is probably the funniest take on Boardroom Drama we have ever seen, not that anyone should be surprised by that.
Basically, these two (Image source Twitter)
Proxy; Rated R for Profanity, Adult Situations, Substance Use, and Brief Nudity; ⭐⭐⭐
Life on the Street (2003)
Oscar is sure to pay close attention to this brutal and visceral tale of life on the LA Streets, in particular the titular Sunset Strip. The last film to star Biggie Smalls prior to his tragic DUI-related death, The Strip, which was written, produced, and directed by his friend Tupac Shakur, is dedicated in his honor. And indeed, the loss is extra-tragic given that this was by far Biggie’s best performance to date[3]. Shakur’s Poet’s Eye and Ear stand out in this story, which follows Tupac’s “Low Boy” and his complex relationships with his brother-in-law “Kush” (Kurt Cobain), sister Lisaah (Aaliyah), and friend “Eight Ball” (Smalls), a small time “Thug” and addict who’s trying to go clean. Drugs, crime, poverty, racism, and the other challenges of life in the poor urban areas of LA are explored in depth, with a brutal naturalism worthy of Fellini. The Strip is a must-see for cinephiles and casual audiences alike.
The Strip; Rated R for Violence, Nudity, Substance Use, Crime, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
An Epic Romance (2004)
Universal took a big gamble in this epic retelling of the tale Liz Taylor made famous, and thankfully they pulled it off. Anthony and Cleopatra is epic in scope and ambition, bringing us a modern take on the ancient and tragic romance and political union. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt shine and sizzle as the titular duo with screen chemistry, which, if the tabloids are to be believed, is based in reality. River Phoenix is menacing as the ambitious antagonist Octavian. The location shots and cinematography by Scorsese shine, as does his particular retelling of the great and tragic historical romance, which he imbues with themes of guilt, temptation, and sacrifice. The sets and props, particularly the fleet of triremes, are as ambitious as Cesare himself. $130 million well-spent, in my mind.
(Image source IB Times)
Anthony and Cleopatra; Rated T for Violence, Sexuality, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐
In Brief:[4]
[1] This is Fiennes’ last Bond Film and the last one I will write about. While the Bond Films will continue to follow the “New Old Bond” of the Ian Fleming novels through Octopussy and The Living Daylights, I will leave the rest of the franchise, to include whomever will play the next bond, up to a guest writer.
[2] What happens next with Anderson and the Wilsons? Up to you all!
[3] He will win a posthumous Best Supporting Actor Oscar. The film in general will dominate the Oscars in 2003.
[4] All open for Guest Posts!! PM me.
[5] Yes, all Lord of the Rings and Harry Fletcher novels will reach the Big Screen and be a success. No I will not be detailing them, but someone else can as a guest post.
[6] Hat tip to @GrahamB for this idea (waaay back when), though he thought of it for the Creatureworks while I kept it all British. You blokes are welcome.
All That Glitters… (2001)
Ralph Fiennes reprises his role as the next James Bond one last time[1] in this remake of the classic 1964 Sean Connery classic Goldfinger. And alas, the gold does not shine quite so well. In keeping with the ongoing “New Old Bond” series, the film follows the book more closely, sadly to its detriment as many of the pragmatic changes to the 1964 film, such as the nature of Auric Goldfinger’s plot, were for the better. A simple plot to steal the gold of Fort Knox, as noted by Connery’s Bond, just isn’t practical, even using a tactical nuke to break in. The 1964 film idea, to simply radiate the gold to destroy the US economy and spike gold prices, was infinitely more practical and ingenious. As such, Goldfinger comes across as more deluded than brilliant in this interpretation, with Bond instead wondering if Goldfinger’s Soviet allies are setting him up specifically to irradiate the gold.
Similarly, others may find the simple attempted strangling of Bond by Odd Job less memorable than getting cut in half by a giant laser, however campy.
But whatever the case, the film still manages to hold on well as popcorn fare. Fiennes could have phoned in his last appearance, but instead is as solid as ever as 007. Jeroen Krabbé shines as the titular Goldfinger, arguably giving Gert Fröbe a run for his money. B.D. Wong gives stoic dignity to the role of Oddjob, Rebecca Romijn and Amy Smart do well as the doomed Jill and Tilley Masterson, and Cate Blanchett gives a new honor and decency to Pussy Galore, who in this version of the film thankfully remains a lesbian, with no uncomfortable “rape her straight” scene (said scene was never in the original Fleming novel, though he did fall back on the old saw about lesbianism being a trauma-induced mental illness). And Freddie Mercury’s platinum-selling cover of the original Shirley Bassey song is a delight all on its own.
And if this version of Goldfinger can’t compete for hearts and minds with the “original” Connery vehicle, there is little doubt that it is enjoyable on its own, helping to correct some of the sins of the earlier production while still providing an action-packed caper worthy of Bond.
Goldfinger; Rated T for violence, adult situations, sexuality, and substance use; ⭐⭐½
This Film Rocks (2001)
Many have wondered when Arnold Schwarzenegger would make a comics film. Well, believe it or not, he just has. Directed by John McTiernan based on a screenplay by John Milius, Sgt. Rock is actually based upon an old DC Comic of the same name. And while the film does follow some of the usual action movie tropes, with a few choice quips for Schwarzenegger, this is decidedly a more serious film in the vein of Crusader rather than Conan. The film follows Rock as he leads an all-star force on a dangerous secret mission in Nazi Europe in World War 2. Paying homage to The Dirty Dozen and similar classic war films, the movie explores the complexity of the conflict, even as it is decidedly pro-US. And if the thought of an Austrian son of a German soldier holds a certain irony, they acknowledge this fact, making Rock in this retelling an Austrian emigree named Rachmuhl whose family fled when Hitler annexed Austria.
While the film can be formulaic and unapologetically violent and hyper-masculine, there is still a soul to the film, brought out by McTiernan’s subtle direction and sympathetic camera work, even as his “eye for action” is displayed in full. While some may want to dismiss this as empty action, it takes its time to set the stakes, both physical and emotional, and gives Rock a vested interest in this Austrian-set mission.
In all, Sgt. Rock is one of the better DC comics films, even if you didn’t know it was a DC comics film.
Sgt. Rock; Rated T for violence, profanity, adult situations, and alcohol and tobacco use; ⭐⭐⭐
Brothers Reunited (2002)
Luke Wilson has been a staple of quirky comedies for the last few years, but it was his brother Owen that was once seen as the rising star. And yet when his 1996 comedy Bottle Rocket failed at the box office, Owen joined the US Marines as a helicopter mechanic and served briefly in Rwanda while his brother went on to fame in Hollywood. Well, now Owen is back, having completed his enlistment and is costarring with his brother Luke in Brothers in Arms, a quirky new comedy by their friend Wes Anderson[2]. Starring two brothers (Luke and Owen) who enlist together in the US Marine Corps, Brothers in Arms is a strange and quirky Indie comedy, and one much drier than you might expect from what is superficially a war film. Released by Wildside Productions, Brothers in Arms has a style all its own, and, when following Bottle Rocket and 1998’s Revolutionary, shows Anderson to be an auteur unlike any other. Using almost old-fashioned sets and effects sewn together using CG, Brothers in Arms is also visually unlike anything else that you have seen, with an almost pastel pallet and uncanny symmetry. Luke and Owen shine together, inevitably hyper-calm and flat-faced even in the face of the strangest of circumstances, be that boot camp, work on the flightline, or the war in Rwanda. Cate Blanchett shines as their commanding officer, as does Gwyneth Paltrow as the triangulated love interest. In all, this strangely stylistic and postmodern war film is best seen rather than described.
Brothers in Arms; Rated T for mild violence, profanity, alcohol use, sexuality, and adult situations; ⭐⭐⭐½
A Hostile Partnership (2002)
The era of the Activist Investor was bound to make its way to the Big Screen, and naturally, given the headline-grabbing Good Shepherds Group proxy battle with Disney, Hyperion Pictures would be the first to have some fun with the concept. And the resulting film, Proxy, is a blast. When politically Liberal Chairwoman Amy Fuller of the Fuller Toy Company (Tina Fey) finds her struggling company suddenly partly acquired by politically Conservative Activist Investor Dick Kaiser (Dean Winters), the resulting proxy fight moves beyond business and into the deeply personal. The result is a quirky, messy, highly-dysfunctional Rom-Com, or satire of Rom-Coms…or possibly a bit of both. Full of humor that straddles both the High Brow and the Low and a strangely perfect toxic chemistry between the two leads, Proxy is probably the funniest take on Boardroom Drama we have ever seen, not that anyone should be surprised by that.
Basically, these two (Image source Twitter)
Proxy; Rated R for Profanity, Adult Situations, Substance Use, and Brief Nudity; ⭐⭐⭐
Life on the Street (2003)
Oscar is sure to pay close attention to this brutal and visceral tale of life on the LA Streets, in particular the titular Sunset Strip. The last film to star Biggie Smalls prior to his tragic DUI-related death, The Strip, which was written, produced, and directed by his friend Tupac Shakur, is dedicated in his honor. And indeed, the loss is extra-tragic given that this was by far Biggie’s best performance to date[3]. Shakur’s Poet’s Eye and Ear stand out in this story, which follows Tupac’s “Low Boy” and his complex relationships with his brother-in-law “Kush” (Kurt Cobain), sister Lisaah (Aaliyah), and friend “Eight Ball” (Smalls), a small time “Thug” and addict who’s trying to go clean. Drugs, crime, poverty, racism, and the other challenges of life in the poor urban areas of LA are explored in depth, with a brutal naturalism worthy of Fellini. The Strip is a must-see for cinephiles and casual audiences alike.
The Strip; Rated R for Violence, Nudity, Substance Use, Crime, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
An Epic Romance (2004)
Universal took a big gamble in this epic retelling of the tale Liz Taylor made famous, and thankfully they pulled it off. Anthony and Cleopatra is epic in scope and ambition, bringing us a modern take on the ancient and tragic romance and political union. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt shine and sizzle as the titular duo with screen chemistry, which, if the tabloids are to be believed, is based in reality. River Phoenix is menacing as the ambitious antagonist Octavian. The location shots and cinematography by Scorsese shine, as does his particular retelling of the great and tragic historical romance, which he imbues with themes of guilt, temptation, and sacrifice. The sets and props, particularly the fleet of triremes, are as ambitious as Cesare himself. $130 million well-spent, in my mind.
(Image source IB Times)
Anthony and Cleopatra; Rated T for Violence, Sexuality, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐
In Brief:[4]
- A Touch of Magic: (2001) Harry Fletcher, boy wizard, reaches the big screen (courtesy of Penguin Pictures) in what’s sure to be the start of a magnificent series that honors the source material; ⭐⭐⭐½
- Meat-Eater Swarm: (2001) Trey Parker and Matt Stone bring us a deliberately campy B-movie about carnivorous dinosaurs falling from the sky in this send-up of both monster and disaster films; ⭐⭐
- Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring: (2001) Tolkien’s Magnum Opus[5] finally reaches the big screen in spectacular fashion; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Bored of the Rings: (2002) National Lampoon, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone bring us this merciless parody of Lord of the Rings based upon the Douglas Kenney and Henry Beard novel. Follow Frito Bugger (nephew of Dildo, naturally), his fellow “Bogies” Spam, Moxie & Pepsi, and Goodgulf the Inept Wizard as they meet a Tall Dark Ranger (Arrowroot, son of Arrowshirt, also known as “Stomper”) and set out to destroy a rather cheap and ugly ring, despite the machinations of the evil Sorehead, his Nozdrul, and the obnoxious Goddamn; ⭐⭐⭐
- Game: (2002) The “Ballers” (Will Ferrell and Terry Crews) return in this fun if frivolous sequel where the two take their rivalry to the baseball diamond; ⭐⭐
- Big Pianist: (2002) A raunchy Farrelly Brothers comedy about a well-endowed piano player; ⭐⭐
- The Room: (2003) Executive Producer Tommy Wiseau’s film debut brings us this brilliantly quirky Indie romantic comedy-thriller directed by Gus Van Sant and starring Matt Damon, Minnie Driver, and Casey Affleck. Oscar, take notice; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Eleven: (2003) Snoop Dog, Tupac, Kurt Cobain, Aaliyah, Freddie Mercury, and Seth MacFarlane, among others, recreate the Rat Pack classic Ocean’s Eleven for the Hip Hop generation; ⭐⭐⭐
- Break the Bank: (2003) A surprise hit comedy from Hyperion featuring Melissa McCarthy; ⭐⭐⭐
- Crash: (2004) A Hyperion comedy that explores the Dot-Com Bubble and the business culture that fed it; ⭐⭐⭐
- Gridlocked: (2004) The “Ballers” return, this time on the football field, and fumble the ball. The magic is gone; ⭐½
- Munich: (2004) Director and Producer Steven Spielberg brings us this historical drama about the 1972 Munich Olympics terrorist attack; ⭐⭐⭐⭐
- Maurice and his Educated Rodents: (2004) Penguin Pictures and Thunderbird Studios join forces to bring Sir Terry Pratchett’s story[6] of a hyper-intelligent can and mice who enlist a fake piper to run a con on localities; ⭐⭐⭐
[1] This is Fiennes’ last Bond Film and the last one I will write about. While the Bond Films will continue to follow the “New Old Bond” of the Ian Fleming novels through Octopussy and The Living Daylights, I will leave the rest of the franchise, to include whomever will play the next bond, up to a guest writer.
[2] What happens next with Anderson and the Wilsons? Up to you all!
[3] He will win a posthumous Best Supporting Actor Oscar. The film in general will dominate the Oscars in 2003.
[4] All open for Guest Posts!! PM me.
[5] Yes, all Lord of the Rings and Harry Fletcher novels will reach the Big Screen and be a success. No I will not be detailing them, but someone else can as a guest post.
[6] Hat tip to @GrahamB for this idea (waaay back when), though he thought of it for the Creatureworks while I kept it all British. You blokes are welcome.
Unlike OTL's Jubal Early TTL's is not an operative and not insane. Instead, he's a bit like OTL's Mal meets Captain Hammer meets Castle.
That's for all of you to figure out.
Go for it.
Wiseau's career as a producer has only just begun.
Is it like otl, where Brad and Jen are married thus meaning it was the gossip story of the decade, or is it just Jolie and him doing their thing?
I've been lurking in this thread for a long time. I know I kinda missed the boat to give a proper thank you. But I just wanted to say Thank you @Geekhis Khan for what has the be my favorite Alt-History timeline ever. Thank you for your hard work, thank you for an excellent and uplifting story.
...That said, you DID almost kill my wife and her family in the Bismarck bombing (assuming the bomb went off in city center, if it's on the north side, she'll be likely one of the fatalities.) You definitly traumatized her and her family, though my father-in-law might run for city council in the aftermath and rebuilding of the city and likely convinced a generation of Upper-Midwesterners to embrace Therapy a whole lot sooner... so yay?
...That said, you DID almost kill my wife and her family in the Bismarck bombing (assuming the bomb went off in city center, if it's on the north side, she'll be likely one of the fatalities.) You definitly traumatized her and her family, though my father-in-law might run for city council in the aftermath and rebuilding of the city and likely convinced a generation of Upper-Midwesterners to embrace Therapy a whole lot sooner... so yay?
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No wifi at the Airbnb so no post today. Will post tomorrow. Sorry for any inconvenience.
GK...
GK...
Dang........
Well, I can wait. Besides, what you're gonna post is probably gonna be good anyway!
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I'm sorry.....................
I'll change it....
Don't wanna get in no mo trouble........
So I’m guessing the ITTL 90’s The Assassination of Julius Caesar movie and the 2002 Cleopatra miniseries inspired Universal to do their own 2004 film adaptation of Cleopatra? Kind of makes sense for a butterfly.An Epic Romance (2004)
Universal took a big gamble in this epic retelling of the tale Liz Taylor made famous, and thankfully they pulled it off. Anthony and Cleopatra is epic in scope and ambition, bringing us a modern take on the ancient and tragic romance and political union. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt shine and sizzle as the titular duo with screen chemistry, which, if the tabloids are to be believed, is based in reality. River Phoenix is menacing as the ambitious antagonist Octavian. The location shots and cinematography by Scorsese shine, as does his particular retelling of the great and tragic historical romance, which he imbues with themes of guilt, temptation, and sacrifice. The sets and props, particularly the fleet of triremes, are as ambitious as Cesare himself. $130 million well-spent, in my mind.
(Image source IB Times)
Anthony and Cleopatra; Rated T for Violence, Sexuality, and Adult Situations; ⭐⭐⭐
Also I guess Brangelina is still going to be a thing ITTL lol.
In the News/Election 2004
Large Scale Military Exercises in USR Spark Concern
The Times of London, July 12th, 2003
Moscow – Unscheduled military exercises were launched across the Union of Sovereign Republics this morning, with armored vehicles and soldiers and aircraft making several partially coordinated demonstrations at points in Belarus, The Ukraine, Central Asia, the Russian Far East, and the Caucus States. These exercises spooked Beijing, NATO and CEFTA, sparking brief fears of military action. However, intelligence analysts suggest that the show of force was mostly intended for a domestic audience, intended to send a clear warning to member states and republics that Moscow is “in charge” and ready to enforce its authority.
“The USR just invaded itself,” said former US Secretary of Defense…
Stock Market Crashes, Dragged Down by NASDAQ Selloff
The Wall Street Journal, September 4th, 2003
The NASDAQ plunged over 6% this morning, dragging down the other Indices, in a massive selloff of Green Tech Sector stocks in a panic driven by the failure of Solar Horizons, LLC, the latest of a series of renewable energy companies to fail. Blaming foreign competition, in particular from China, and with GGA funds drying up[1], the Green Tech sector has, some analysts feel, been primed for a Correction…
Disney Family “Reunites” in Retlaw-Shamrock Merger
The Wall Street Journal, January 19th, 2004
(Image source PBS)
Anaheim – Retlaw Enterprises, the private Holding Company owned by the children of Walt Disney, and Shamrock Holdings, the private company that manages assets for the Roy Disney family, have announced an all-stock merger to form Calumet Holdings, a single company for managing and proportionately allocating all Disney family possessions. The deal, whose value remains unknown, is rumored to be in the tens of billions of dollars based on Disney Company (DIS) stock holdings alone. The deal gives the combined Disney Family the largest stake in their family’s namesake company at 29.5% of Outstanding Shares, with the Henson Family’s Henson Arts Holdings claiming the second highest stake at 22%.
“The deal represents both a financial and symbolic reconciliation,” said WSJ Financial Analyst Penny Counter. “The first big break in the Disney family came between Walt and Roy Sr. over the Walt Disney Miniature Railroad company, which was used to keep assets that were arguably Disney Company assets in the exclusive hands of Walt Disney’s family. This formed the seed of Retlaw, and remained a point of contention between the Walt and Roy sides of the family. This merger indicates that a larger familial reconciliation has occurred as well as the fiscal one.”
Calumet Holdings, named for the Native American Peace Pipe, which holds personal meaning to the Disney family, represents a goliath of a private company, and while the internal charter is a close held secret, the internal shares are reportedly divided proportionally between the two sides of the family based on the monetary values of the two companies prior to merger and then divided equally between the Disney Grandchildren, with Roy E. Disney maintaining his non-Disney portfolio in trust until his and his wife’s deaths, when the assets will be similarly proportionally divided. Reported exclusivity clauses prevent any individual Disney family member from selling any of their shares except equally among all other branches of the Disney family.
“Calumet appears to be deliberately engineered to keep Disney in the Disney family, and yet simultaneously keep a majority out of the hands of any one Disney,” said Counter. “The bylaws would appear to be specifically designed to prevent any one member from accumulating too much power, possibly to prevent the rise of another schism of the type that first split the Disney Brothers and has left the company vulnerable on more than one occasion.”
“Kivunam”; Increasing Casualties and Shrinking Morale Drive Congo Questions
The New York Times, September 19th, 2004
Kigali – Increasing US, French, and other UN casualties and a growing sense of disillusionment with the mission are leading to growing calls for the US to pull out of the MONUSCO UN Peacekeeping force in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, with GOP Presidential Candidate John Heinz openly promising to accelerate the US drawdown. As internecine violence continues to rage, and US forces are increasingly caught in the crossfire, many have started to wonder what America’s exit strategy is. Comparisons to the Vietnam conflict, which also featured an alleged “quagmire” in a jungle nation of arguable strategic value, has already led the US troops stationed there to declare the place “Kivunam.”
“MONUSCO has the wolf by the ears,” said former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, who has renewed his calls for a Two State Solution, citing increasing involvement by African powers and growing strategic divisions between the US and French Governments, the former of which is nominally tied to the Rwandan Alliance and the latter of whom backs the central government. “Stalemate has set in. Escalation is a real threat. Diplomacy is the only answer to this impasse.”
US President Gephardt, who is facing a tough reelection, has cautioned against…
Heinz, Bush win Close Election
President Gephardt Concedes in Impassioned Speech
Dems make small gains in Legislature, neither chamber flips
The Washington Post, November 3rd, 2004
Ex President George H. W. Bush and MLB Commissioner George W. Bush congratulate son and brother Jeb on his Vice-Presidential victory (Image source The Atlantic)
Philadelphia – Senator John Heinz of Pennsylvania and his Vice Presidential running mate Senator Jeb Bush of Florida claimed victory in a narrow win over incumbent President Dick Gephardt and VP Ann Richards, sealing their success with twin wins in their home states of Florida and Pennsylvania. With a final electoral margin of 275 to 263 and a razor-thin popular vote margin of 49.66% to 48.39%, the victory will return the GOP to the White House for the first time since 1992. “The 1990s were the Democrat’s Decade, and look where it got us?” said Heinz in his victory speech. “Let the new millennium be a Republican Millennium!”[2]
Dogged by terror attacks, an unpopular war in the Congo, and most critically a faltering economy with manufacturing job losses to China and Mexico, President Gephardt, who relied heavily on blue collar voters to overcome a deficit with suburban voters, struggled with approval ratings throughout his White House tenure…
President
Senator Heinz (R-PA) / Senator Bush (R-FL) - 49.66% - 275
President Gephardt (D-MO) / Vice President Ann Richards (D-TX) - 48.39% - 263
Senate
Democrats: 53 (+3)
Republicans: 44 (-2)
Reform: 3 (-1)
House of Representatives
Republicans: 224 (-3)
Democrats: 209 (+5)
Reform: 1 (-2)
Socialist: 1
Excerpt from The Tonight Show with David Letterman, November 3rd, 2004 Episode
Dave: So, Paul, I guess we have President Heinz and Vice President Bush to look forward to.
Paul: Don’t remind me.
Audience laughs.
Dave: Actually, Paul, this is a big moment. You know why, Paul?
Paul: Fine I’ll take the bait.
Audience laughs
Dave: It’s the first time that not one, but two brands of Baked Beans have been represented in the White House.
Awkward laugh from the audience.
(Image source Tasting Table)
Dave: Oh, come on, that was All Gold.
Silence. A couple tepid laughs.
Paul: Dave, I don’t think that they know that’s a brand of beans.
Dave: I bet this joke would play in Boston. (silence) Because it’s “Bean Town”. (silence) Nothing?
Paul: It might be time to introduce the guest star.
Audience Laughs.
Dave: Paul, you’re fired.
Paul: I wonder if they’re hiring in Boston?
Audience laughs. Dave laughs, mimes throwing something at Paul.
[1] What goes up must come down, and eventually the “good times” of a burgeoning new industry will come to an end, particularly in high-risk fields where not all bets will pay off (think Solyndra). The “Green Bubble” of 2003, combined with the Dot-Com Bubble and without a corresponding post-9/11 “Doom Boom”, will lead to the “Millennium Recession” of 2003-2006.
[2] Hat tip as always to @jpj1421 for elections help.
The Times of London, July 12th, 2003
Moscow – Unscheduled military exercises were launched across the Union of Sovereign Republics this morning, with armored vehicles and soldiers and aircraft making several partially coordinated demonstrations at points in Belarus, The Ukraine, Central Asia, the Russian Far East, and the Caucus States. These exercises spooked Beijing, NATO and CEFTA, sparking brief fears of military action. However, intelligence analysts suggest that the show of force was mostly intended for a domestic audience, intended to send a clear warning to member states and republics that Moscow is “in charge” and ready to enforce its authority.
“The USR just invaded itself,” said former US Secretary of Defense…
Stock Market Crashes, Dragged Down by NASDAQ Selloff
The Wall Street Journal, September 4th, 2003
The NASDAQ plunged over 6% this morning, dragging down the other Indices, in a massive selloff of Green Tech Sector stocks in a panic driven by the failure of Solar Horizons, LLC, the latest of a series of renewable energy companies to fail. Blaming foreign competition, in particular from China, and with GGA funds drying up[1], the Green Tech sector has, some analysts feel, been primed for a Correction…
Disney Family “Reunites” in Retlaw-Shamrock Merger
The Wall Street Journal, January 19th, 2004
(Image source PBS)
Anaheim – Retlaw Enterprises, the private Holding Company owned by the children of Walt Disney, and Shamrock Holdings, the private company that manages assets for the Roy Disney family, have announced an all-stock merger to form Calumet Holdings, a single company for managing and proportionately allocating all Disney family possessions. The deal, whose value remains unknown, is rumored to be in the tens of billions of dollars based on Disney Company (DIS) stock holdings alone. The deal gives the combined Disney Family the largest stake in their family’s namesake company at 29.5% of Outstanding Shares, with the Henson Family’s Henson Arts Holdings claiming the second highest stake at 22%.
“The deal represents both a financial and symbolic reconciliation,” said WSJ Financial Analyst Penny Counter. “The first big break in the Disney family came between Walt and Roy Sr. over the Walt Disney Miniature Railroad company, which was used to keep assets that were arguably Disney Company assets in the exclusive hands of Walt Disney’s family. This formed the seed of Retlaw, and remained a point of contention between the Walt and Roy sides of the family. This merger indicates that a larger familial reconciliation has occurred as well as the fiscal one.”
Calumet Holdings, named for the Native American Peace Pipe, which holds personal meaning to the Disney family, represents a goliath of a private company, and while the internal charter is a close held secret, the internal shares are reportedly divided proportionally between the two sides of the family based on the monetary values of the two companies prior to merger and then divided equally between the Disney Grandchildren, with Roy E. Disney maintaining his non-Disney portfolio in trust until his and his wife’s deaths, when the assets will be similarly proportionally divided. Reported exclusivity clauses prevent any individual Disney family member from selling any of their shares except equally among all other branches of the Disney family.
“Calumet appears to be deliberately engineered to keep Disney in the Disney family, and yet simultaneously keep a majority out of the hands of any one Disney,” said Counter. “The bylaws would appear to be specifically designed to prevent any one member from accumulating too much power, possibly to prevent the rise of another schism of the type that first split the Disney Brothers and has left the company vulnerable on more than one occasion.”
“Kivunam”; Increasing Casualties and Shrinking Morale Drive Congo Questions
The New York Times, September 19th, 2004
Kigali – Increasing US, French, and other UN casualties and a growing sense of disillusionment with the mission are leading to growing calls for the US to pull out of the MONUSCO UN Peacekeeping force in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, with GOP Presidential Candidate John Heinz openly promising to accelerate the US drawdown. As internecine violence continues to rage, and US forces are increasingly caught in the crossfire, many have started to wonder what America’s exit strategy is. Comparisons to the Vietnam conflict, which also featured an alleged “quagmire” in a jungle nation of arguable strategic value, has already led the US troops stationed there to declare the place “Kivunam.”
“MONUSCO has the wolf by the ears,” said former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, who has renewed his calls for a Two State Solution, citing increasing involvement by African powers and growing strategic divisions between the US and French Governments, the former of which is nominally tied to the Rwandan Alliance and the latter of whom backs the central government. “Stalemate has set in. Escalation is a real threat. Diplomacy is the only answer to this impasse.”
US President Gephardt, who is facing a tough reelection, has cautioned against…
Heinz, Bush win Close Election
President Gephardt Concedes in Impassioned Speech
Dems make small gains in Legislature, neither chamber flips
The Washington Post, November 3rd, 2004
Ex President George H. W. Bush and MLB Commissioner George W. Bush congratulate son and brother Jeb on his Vice-Presidential victory (Image source The Atlantic)
Philadelphia – Senator John Heinz of Pennsylvania and his Vice Presidential running mate Senator Jeb Bush of Florida claimed victory in a narrow win over incumbent President Dick Gephardt and VP Ann Richards, sealing their success with twin wins in their home states of Florida and Pennsylvania. With a final electoral margin of 275 to 263 and a razor-thin popular vote margin of 49.66% to 48.39%, the victory will return the GOP to the White House for the first time since 1992. “The 1990s were the Democrat’s Decade, and look where it got us?” said Heinz in his victory speech. “Let the new millennium be a Republican Millennium!”[2]
Dogged by terror attacks, an unpopular war in the Congo, and most critically a faltering economy with manufacturing job losses to China and Mexico, President Gephardt, who relied heavily on blue collar voters to overcome a deficit with suburban voters, struggled with approval ratings throughout his White House tenure…
President
Senator Heinz (R-PA) / Senator Bush (R-FL) - 49.66% - 275
President Gephardt (D-MO) / Vice President Ann Richards (D-TX) - 48.39% - 263
Senate
Democrats: 53 (+3)
Republicans: 44 (-2)
Reform: 3 (-1)
House of Representatives
Republicans: 224 (-3)
Democrats: 209 (+5)
Reform: 1 (-2)
Socialist: 1
- - -
Excerpt from The Tonight Show with David Letterman, November 3rd, 2004 Episode
Dave: So, Paul, I guess we have President Heinz and Vice President Bush to look forward to.
Paul: Don’t remind me.
Audience laughs.
Dave: Actually, Paul, this is a big moment. You know why, Paul?
Paul: Fine I’ll take the bait.
Audience laughs
Dave: It’s the first time that not one, but two brands of Baked Beans have been represented in the White House.
Awkward laugh from the audience.
(Image source Tasting Table)
Dave: Oh, come on, that was All Gold.
Silence. A couple tepid laughs.
Paul: Dave, I don’t think that they know that’s a brand of beans.
Dave: I bet this joke would play in Boston. (silence) Because it’s “Bean Town”. (silence) Nothing?
Paul: It might be time to introduce the guest star.
Audience Laughs.
Dave: Paul, you’re fired.
Paul: I wonder if they’re hiring in Boston?
Audience laughs. Dave laughs, mimes throwing something at Paul.
[1] What goes up must come down, and eventually the “good times” of a burgeoning new industry will come to an end, particularly in high-risk fields where not all bets will pay off (think Solyndra). The “Green Bubble” of 2003, combined with the Dot-Com Bubble and without a corresponding post-9/11 “Doom Boom”, will lead to the “Millennium Recession” of 2003-2006.
[2] Hat tip as always to @jpj1421 for elections help.
A lot of interesting stuff here: It seems like Russia will try to expand her influence in Eastern Europe as otl, and the Bushes are prominent political figures in the 00s as otl. With a lot of Heinz' presidency being under the recession, and with him only narrowly elected, one could imagine that the Dems retake the White House in 08, especially if they have a strong candidate. Also nice to see that peace seems to be returning to the House of Disney 
So the Disney family heritage is back under one roof. I honestly expected this to happen during Jim's tenure, but I'll take it.
My first thought of the name Heinz came to their ketchup bottles, but I did think of Bush's Baked Beans for the President.
My first thought of the name Heinz came to their ketchup bottles, but I did think of Bush's Baked Beans for the President.
And Duke, the dog in the commercial IOTL, is going to try and sell the secret family recipe to reporters--but get caught every time with an exasperated "Duke?!?"
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