Discovered by Fellatio Nelson's archaeologist relative, Baldianism is a faith practiced in ancient times and recorded in cave paintings and writings. It revolves around the figure of “The Baldie” who is presented as a red angry faced human with a Viking helmet and bottle of beer.
Further writings explained how The Baldie had banished the one known as the Rocket Boy and freed the Gaysexuals from oppression. A text forwarded to Thande added that in latter days The Baldie had sent forth his disciple, the prophet hypern, and that Ian had bestowed upon him the power of Sight, so that whenever he wore his hornèd hat, he would be able to spot trolls instantly whenever they reappeared under new sockpuppets.
Baldianism later appeared in Fell's story Dial M for Elastic, as part of the mythology surrounding the state of Thandalistan.