Mark Where His Carnage and His Conquests Cease! [1]
Soundtrack: Handel: Music for the Royal Fireworks, La Réjouissance
*exterior shot* *Albertina of Vienna* *salon* *two old men, both in military uniform, are sitting there with Prince Metternich* *Archduchess Maria Theresia is seated at the piano playing Schumann's Kreisleriana[2]*
Maria Theresia: *finishes playing*
Karoline of Bavaria: *elbows Franz* *hisses* Frank, wake up. *she's not lying, Franz and Karl of Teschen have both been nodding* *not because the playing is boring or because they're tired* *but because Franz is 71 and Karl is 68yo*
Franz: *wakes up to see his wife applauding* *joins in*
Karl: *wakes with a start at the applause* *starts barking orders that there's enemy fire and that they'll soon beat Napoléon*
Metternich: *smirks at that outburst*
Maria Theresia: *going to her father's side* Papa...you beat Napoléon already...
Karl: *slightly sheepish as he looks around to see he's not on a battlefield* *not even on horseback*
Metternich: *quietly* there are many who would dispute that nowadays.
Karl: my apologies, Majesties, I didn't-
Goodinand, King of Hungary: no need for apologies, Uncle. Her playing was exquisite
Maria Theresia: *dips curtsey in gratitude*
Franz: did you hear that the king of the Netherlands and the king of Belgium have made nice?
Karl: King Wilhelm accepted that then?
Metternich: it would seem that the Comte de Chambord has...got lucky in managing to convince King Leopold and King Willem to...meet, face to face. And he has arbitrated the duke of Reichstadt's terms between them.
Franz: you don't know Frankie was involved in that, Chancellor.
Metternich: forgive me, your Majesty...in which case I should say that we should all be very worried if the comte de Chambord were to be restored to his throne. If he can get the Dutch and the Belgians to make nice at 17, I would not like to see what he can do at thirty. And there are many princes in the German Confederation - like the King of Prussia - who agree with this idea. *his tone is like a faint criticism of Franz's refusal to make nice with the French* *sort of saying "I told you so"*
Maria Anna of Savoy: you talk as if my cousin has no mind of his own. Like you believe the lies that Paris spreads about him.
Metternich: Madame, I have said to his Majesty countless times that the comte de Chambord is a wonderful boy, but he is badly taught.
Karl: du alte schmeichler[3], Prinz, are you jealous that you got outsmarted by a teenager that you must blame the Whoremaster of Venice?
Metternich: I have no objections to being outfoxed by a teenager, your Imperial Highness, I have objections when the ideas he spouts are ones that originate in someone else's skull.
Franz: *sighs* Prinz, I have warned you twice, I will not warn you a third-
Metternich: Majesty, I only call the Comte de Chambord's idea into question since it is a Frenchman taking the credit for an Austrian idea.
Franz: *rolls eyes*
Metternich: the idea being one that I myself suggested to both sides in 1831 already and was rebuffed. An idea that I spoke of - at great length - to his Serene Highness, the Duke of Reichstadt- and now a Bourbon runs off with Austria's laurels.
Maria Theresia: perhaps, Prince, it is about the messenger rather than the message.
Habsburgs: *chuckles at the response*
Metternich: *fumes quietly*
Franz: there has been a request for your hand, Maria Theresia. Several actually.
Karl: *looks at his daughter like "see, I told you"*
Franz: *puts spectacles on* *takes papers Ferdinand hands him* the first is from the Archduke Ferdinand Karl [of Modena].
Karl: *irritable* when I wanted her to marry Franz of Modena you told me I had no business poking around in Italy.
Franz: *calmly* that was then. This is now.
Karl: I'll not see her walk one step behind that...Beauharnais thing. Especially not now that that Beauharnais has a son.
Franz: *nods* that is your prerogative. But Ferdinand has communicated his willingness to reside in Vienna, so you would still be able to see your daughter. And Maria Theresia would be able to still enjoy her life as she does now.
Maria Theresia: *half disgustedly* he's a child- he's-
Karl: not Franz of Modena's brother, Rezi. His uncle, the governor of Galicia[4].
Maria Theresia: *blushes at the mistake*
Franz: the second request was made by the Comte de Montizon-
Karl: on behalf of his brother?
Franz: no. By his brother, the regent of Spain, on his behalf. The Spanish are aware they are...diplomatically isolated at the moment, and the regent is desperate to make friends. Not to mention that he feels there should be...a spare for in the event some misfortune were to befall Queen Isabel or himself-
Maria Theresia: but the queen has a sister, your Majesty
Goodinand: that is exactly why the regent wants the marriage. At the moment, his safety is ensured only by the fact that nobody wants his father in charge and nobody wants the Dowager Queen to return to be regent. However, were something unforeseen to happen, like Frankie's recent attack of measles-
Metternich: an act of God, in other words-
Goodinand: silence, Prinz- then there would once more be anarchy in Spain over who would be regent and who Luisa would marry. The liberales want her to marry the duc de Nemours or the duque de Seville, the Carlists prefer the duke of Lucca. The regent's "plan", as it were, is to marry his brother off in the hope that he will speedily produce a male heir who can marry Luisa in the event of such a calamity.[5]
Maria Theresia: *looks as though she's considering this* *to be mother to the next king of Spain is somewhat better than a mere archduke's wife - however rich he is*
Franz: *hands two pages back to his son* then, since you already rejected Ferdinand Karl the Younger of Modena for too young, no doubt the duke of Lucca and the prince of Piemonte will fall into the same category- *to Karl* perhaps for your younger daughter?
Karl: *makes a maybe look*
Franz: then there are requests from your uncle, the duke of Nassau, on behalf of King Willem for his eldest son-
Karl: I thought the boy is promised to the king of Württemberg's son?
Metternich: *boredly* it seems that that...promise has been broken. Again at the comte de Chambord's suggestion *tone like Chambord's mouth was moving, but it's Frankie's words coming out* as he passed through Stuttgart on his way back to Vienna. And while King Willem is no more inclined to a Catholic match than many of his countrymen...he does feel that...since he is planning on naming his son to be governor of Catholic Luxembourg, having an archduchess bride, particularly one whose father is so...closely connected with the Low Countries...would be rather a good move, considering the whole debacle in Belgium for the last decade-
Maria Theresia: but Luxemburg is just a fortress.
Karoline: *like a proud mother hen* *since she likely knows this was Frankie's idea* not anymore. The Comte de Chambord suggested a simple swap of territory. King Willem surrenders Limburg to the Belgian king who gives him a rather large portion of the kingdom of Belgium's province of Luxembourg. Since the province is...mostly unsettled, the Dutch can make use of it to rehouse many of those whose homes were ruined by the double disaster on the Harlemmermeer two years ago[6]. Of course, neither man is particularly happy about this, but...between Chambord recommending it to the Dutch and Prince Albert of Coburg convincing his uncle in Brussels to agree...the war of Belgium is happily with the two men meeting in person to sign the Treaty of Middelburg.
Metternich: *looks more than marginally miffed*
Maria Theresia: but he's a Protestant.
Karl: *gently reproving* so was your mother, Rezi *looks sadly at the portrait of his late wife on the wall*
Metternich: that is the Dutch king's main reason for agreeing to the marriage
Franz: *takes another three pages off list* then these requests from Karl of Hesse and Adolph of Nassau will likely not suit either. And August of Saxe-Coburg and Kohary...I don't know who put that suit in there. *he now only has one page left in his hand* which brings us down to the final suit
Karoline: *takes Maria Theresia's hand* Crown Prince Maximilian of Bavaria...he's a scholar, rich, handsome, young, Catholic... *tone like "what's your objection going to be to this one?*
Maria Theresia: *looks at Franz* only if that is what your Majesty wishes for me.
Franz: *takes her face in his hands* of course, child, I think only of your happiness. That's why I've let you decide. Let no one *looks at his brother* accuse me of offering you merely so I could thwart the French king's offer of Mademoiselle de Valois [7] *kisses her forehead*
Karl: *looks at his brother* of course, your Majesty. I trust I shall be able to call at the Hofburg tomorrow to discuss other business? *tone like "we'll talk then"*
Goodinand: I'm afraid that's quite impossible, Uncle. We will be travelling to Buda in the morning- to visit Uncle Joseph. *waves papers* all these matches won't find archduchesses by themselves. And darling Mina is next on the list
Metternich: *in a tired tone* I have warned their Majesties that with the flooding, now is hardly the time to visit Hungary. Things will no doubt be unstable. If something were to happen to either of them there...why...what would become of Austria.
Maria Anna of Savoy: no doubt you will have already thought of a solution for that, Prince.
*they leave*
Maria Theresia: *looks at page with Max's suit on* Queen of Bavaria *starts waltzing around the room by herself*
*fade to black*
[1] from Byron's Bride of Abydos ("Mark where his carnage and his conquests cease!/They make a desert and call it peace), it's a paraphrase of a much earlier response by Tacitus
[2] Johannes Kreisler is a character of ETA Hoffmann (who also wrote the story of Coppelia and the Nutcracker ballets). Kreisler is moody, antisocial, witty, eccentric, possibly a genius kappelmeister whose creativity is constantly thwarted by his excessive sensibility. OTL, Schumann dedicated it to Chopin (who had nothing nice to say beyond complimenting the title page), but here it gets another (more fitting) dedicatee.
[3] you old flatterer, but here meant as a "toady"
[4] in her defense, they are both called "Ferdinand Karl". But Galicia is closer to Teschen's holdings than Modena is. While Ferdinand Karl (b.1781) is closer to her father's age than her own, there are some reasons why she might accept: a) he's willing to come live in Vienna; b) he's rich (Ferdinand Karl was the heir to Marie Antoinette's youngest brother's fortune of something like 2,5 million (1815 prices); this fortune then passed to his brother Maximilian, on his death, and when Max died, it was willed to their niece, Maria Teresa, Comtesse de Chambord); c) if she were to return to him to Galicia, she'd be practically a queen.
[5] this isn't that Goodinand has suddenly turned into a genius of statecraft but rather this was probably an idea he learned by heart to explain. Not to say Goodinand is an idiot, he's certainly far more intelligent than often given credit for, but I think he and Frankie's OTL/TTL friendship probably means he's likelier to listen to him than Metternich
[6] this would be the two floods in the Harlemmermeer in 1836
[7] Marie d'Orléans. Although I'm not sure why Franz never made an attempt to match Maximilian with an archduchess OTL.
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*exterior shot* *Albertina of Vienna* *salon* *two old men, both in military uniform, are sitting there with Prince Metternich* *Archduchess Maria Theresia is seated at the piano playing Schumann's Kreisleriana[2]*
Maria Theresia: *finishes playing*
Karoline of Bavaria: *elbows Franz* *hisses* Frank, wake up. *she's not lying, Franz and Karl of Teschen have both been nodding* *not because the playing is boring or because they're tired* *but because Franz is 71 and Karl is 68yo*
Franz: *wakes up to see his wife applauding* *joins in*
Karl: *wakes with a start at the applause* *starts barking orders that there's enemy fire and that they'll soon beat Napoléon*
Metternich: *smirks at that outburst*
Maria Theresia: *going to her father's side* Papa...you beat Napoléon already...
Karl: *slightly sheepish as he looks around to see he's not on a battlefield* *not even on horseback*
Metternich: *quietly* there are many who would dispute that nowadays.
Karl: my apologies, Majesties, I didn't-
Goodinand, King of Hungary: no need for apologies, Uncle. Her playing was exquisite
Maria Theresia: *dips curtsey in gratitude*
Franz: did you hear that the king of the Netherlands and the king of Belgium have made nice?
Karl: King Wilhelm accepted that then?
Metternich: it would seem that the Comte de Chambord has...got lucky in managing to convince King Leopold and King Willem to...meet, face to face. And he has arbitrated the duke of Reichstadt's terms between them.
Franz: you don't know Frankie was involved in that, Chancellor.
Metternich: forgive me, your Majesty...in which case I should say that we should all be very worried if the comte de Chambord were to be restored to his throne. If he can get the Dutch and the Belgians to make nice at 17, I would not like to see what he can do at thirty. And there are many princes in the German Confederation - like the King of Prussia - who agree with this idea. *his tone is like a faint criticism of Franz's refusal to make nice with the French* *sort of saying "I told you so"*
Maria Anna of Savoy: you talk as if my cousin has no mind of his own. Like you believe the lies that Paris spreads about him.
Metternich: Madame, I have said to his Majesty countless times that the comte de Chambord is a wonderful boy, but he is badly taught.
Karl: du alte schmeichler[3], Prinz, are you jealous that you got outsmarted by a teenager that you must blame the Whoremaster of Venice?
Metternich: I have no objections to being outfoxed by a teenager, your Imperial Highness, I have objections when the ideas he spouts are ones that originate in someone else's skull.
Franz: *sighs* Prinz, I have warned you twice, I will not warn you a third-
Metternich: Majesty, I only call the Comte de Chambord's idea into question since it is a Frenchman taking the credit for an Austrian idea.
Franz: *rolls eyes*
Metternich: the idea being one that I myself suggested to both sides in 1831 already and was rebuffed. An idea that I spoke of - at great length - to his Serene Highness, the Duke of Reichstadt- and now a Bourbon runs off with Austria's laurels.
Maria Theresia: perhaps, Prince, it is about the messenger rather than the message.
Habsburgs: *chuckles at the response*
Metternich: *fumes quietly*
Franz: there has been a request for your hand, Maria Theresia. Several actually.
Karl: *looks at his daughter like "see, I told you"*
Franz: *puts spectacles on* *takes papers Ferdinand hands him* the first is from the Archduke Ferdinand Karl [of Modena].
Karl: *irritable* when I wanted her to marry Franz of Modena you told me I had no business poking around in Italy.
Franz: *calmly* that was then. This is now.
Karl: I'll not see her walk one step behind that...Beauharnais thing. Especially not now that that Beauharnais has a son.
Franz: *nods* that is your prerogative. But Ferdinand has communicated his willingness to reside in Vienna, so you would still be able to see your daughter. And Maria Theresia would be able to still enjoy her life as she does now.
Maria Theresia: *half disgustedly* he's a child- he's-
Karl: not Franz of Modena's brother, Rezi. His uncle, the governor of Galicia[4].
Maria Theresia: *blushes at the mistake*
Franz: the second request was made by the Comte de Montizon-
Karl: on behalf of his brother?
Franz: no. By his brother, the regent of Spain, on his behalf. The Spanish are aware they are...diplomatically isolated at the moment, and the regent is desperate to make friends. Not to mention that he feels there should be...a spare for in the event some misfortune were to befall Queen Isabel or himself-
Maria Theresia: but the queen has a sister, your Majesty
Goodinand: that is exactly why the regent wants the marriage. At the moment, his safety is ensured only by the fact that nobody wants his father in charge and nobody wants the Dowager Queen to return to be regent. However, were something unforeseen to happen, like Frankie's recent attack of measles-
Metternich: an act of God, in other words-
Goodinand: silence, Prinz- then there would once more be anarchy in Spain over who would be regent and who Luisa would marry. The liberales want her to marry the duc de Nemours or the duque de Seville, the Carlists prefer the duke of Lucca. The regent's "plan", as it were, is to marry his brother off in the hope that he will speedily produce a male heir who can marry Luisa in the event of such a calamity.[5]
Maria Theresia: *looks as though she's considering this* *to be mother to the next king of Spain is somewhat better than a mere archduke's wife - however rich he is*
Franz: *hands two pages back to his son* then, since you already rejected Ferdinand Karl the Younger of Modena for too young, no doubt the duke of Lucca and the prince of Piemonte will fall into the same category- *to Karl* perhaps for your younger daughter?
Karl: *makes a maybe look*
Franz: then there are requests from your uncle, the duke of Nassau, on behalf of King Willem for his eldest son-
Karl: I thought the boy is promised to the king of Württemberg's son?
Metternich: *boredly* it seems that that...promise has been broken. Again at the comte de Chambord's suggestion *tone like Chambord's mouth was moving, but it's Frankie's words coming out* as he passed through Stuttgart on his way back to Vienna. And while King Willem is no more inclined to a Catholic match than many of his countrymen...he does feel that...since he is planning on naming his son to be governor of Catholic Luxembourg, having an archduchess bride, particularly one whose father is so...closely connected with the Low Countries...would be rather a good move, considering the whole debacle in Belgium for the last decade-
Maria Theresia: but Luxemburg is just a fortress.
Karoline: *like a proud mother hen* *since she likely knows this was Frankie's idea* not anymore. The Comte de Chambord suggested a simple swap of territory. King Willem surrenders Limburg to the Belgian king who gives him a rather large portion of the kingdom of Belgium's province of Luxembourg. Since the province is...mostly unsettled, the Dutch can make use of it to rehouse many of those whose homes were ruined by the double disaster on the Harlemmermeer two years ago[6]. Of course, neither man is particularly happy about this, but...between Chambord recommending it to the Dutch and Prince Albert of Coburg convincing his uncle in Brussels to agree...the war of Belgium is happily with the two men meeting in person to sign the Treaty of Middelburg.
Metternich: *looks more than marginally miffed*
Maria Theresia: but he's a Protestant.
Karl: *gently reproving* so was your mother, Rezi *looks sadly at the portrait of his late wife on the wall*
Metternich: that is the Dutch king's main reason for agreeing to the marriage
Franz: *takes another three pages off list* then these requests from Karl of Hesse and Adolph of Nassau will likely not suit either. And August of Saxe-Coburg and Kohary...I don't know who put that suit in there. *he now only has one page left in his hand* which brings us down to the final suit
Karoline: *takes Maria Theresia's hand* Crown Prince Maximilian of Bavaria...he's a scholar, rich, handsome, young, Catholic... *tone like "what's your objection going to be to this one?*
Maria Theresia: *looks at Franz* only if that is what your Majesty wishes for me.
Franz: *takes her face in his hands* of course, child, I think only of your happiness. That's why I've let you decide. Let no one *looks at his brother* accuse me of offering you merely so I could thwart the French king's offer of Mademoiselle de Valois [7] *kisses her forehead*
Karl: *looks at his brother* of course, your Majesty. I trust I shall be able to call at the Hofburg tomorrow to discuss other business? *tone like "we'll talk then"*
Goodinand: I'm afraid that's quite impossible, Uncle. We will be travelling to Buda in the morning- to visit Uncle Joseph. *waves papers* all these matches won't find archduchesses by themselves. And darling Mina is next on the list
Metternich: *in a tired tone* I have warned their Majesties that with the flooding, now is hardly the time to visit Hungary. Things will no doubt be unstable. If something were to happen to either of them there...why...what would become of Austria.
Maria Anna of Savoy: no doubt you will have already thought of a solution for that, Prince.
*they leave*
Maria Theresia: *looks at page with Max's suit on* Queen of Bavaria *starts waltzing around the room by herself*
*fade to black*
[1] from Byron's Bride of Abydos ("Mark where his carnage and his conquests cease!/They make a desert and call it peace), it's a paraphrase of a much earlier response by Tacitus
[2] Johannes Kreisler is a character of ETA Hoffmann (who also wrote the story of Coppelia and the Nutcracker ballets). Kreisler is moody, antisocial, witty, eccentric, possibly a genius kappelmeister whose creativity is constantly thwarted by his excessive sensibility. OTL, Schumann dedicated it to Chopin (who had nothing nice to say beyond complimenting the title page), but here it gets another (more fitting) dedicatee.
[3] you old flatterer, but here meant as a "toady"
[4] in her defense, they are both called "Ferdinand Karl". But Galicia is closer to Teschen's holdings than Modena is. While Ferdinand Karl (b.1781) is closer to her father's age than her own, there are some reasons why she might accept: a) he's willing to come live in Vienna; b) he's rich (Ferdinand Karl was the heir to Marie Antoinette's youngest brother's fortune of something like 2,5 million (1815 prices); this fortune then passed to his brother Maximilian, on his death, and when Max died, it was willed to their niece, Maria Teresa, Comtesse de Chambord); c) if she were to return to him to Galicia, she'd be practically a queen.
[5] this isn't that Goodinand has suddenly turned into a genius of statecraft but rather this was probably an idea he learned by heart to explain. Not to say Goodinand is an idiot, he's certainly far more intelligent than often given credit for, but I think he and Frankie's OTL/TTL friendship probably means he's likelier to listen to him than Metternich
[6] this would be the two floods in the Harlemmermeer in 1836
[7] Marie d'Orléans. Although I'm not sure why Franz never made an attempt to match Maximilian with an archduchess OTL.
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