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"Smokey Joe" Sundblom
Security guard at Notre-Dame Cemetery in Ottawa, Ontario

"Every July 19th, I've had to rinse off John Kricfalusi's headstone because we've had visitors walk up and piss on it. The last two that did so, I later found out, were newlyweds on their honeymoon."​

And that Security Guard probably wishes that the P.O.S. was actually cremated with the ashes being scattered at a "Undisclosed" location or at the very least they buried the P.O.S. in a landfill if it was ever legally allowed (People out there would have preferred it out of respect to "Blair") instead of being buried in a cemetery. In my opinion that P.O.S. (After what he had done ITTL) had never deserved to be buried in any cemetery on the face of this earth.

P.S. In the event that I ever wrote any timeline where John Kricfalusi had met his downfall and final destruction (That results in him being killed off ending his wasted life) his final resting place (After cremation) would be in a undisclosed landfill.
 
"Smokey Joe" Sundblom
Security guard at Notre-Dame Cemetery in Ottawa, Ontario

"Every July 19th, I've had to rinse off John Kricfalusi's headstone because we've had visitors walk up and piss on it. The last two that did so, I later found out, were newlyweds on their honeymoon."​
Is this the start of the next major update?
 
"Every July 19th, I've had to rinse off John Kricfalusi's headstone because we've had visitors walk up and piss on it. The last two that did so, I later found out, were newlyweds on their honeymoon."​

One question: were they a heterosexual or same-sex (gay or lesbian) couple? (Not that there's anything wrong with the latter, as Seinfeld would say...)
 
@Andrew Boyd

Not sure.

@Unknown

The couple will be revealed later.

In the meantime.

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Randy B. Fowler

(Owner of Rod's Limos in Boise, ID)

"Pissing on evil men's graves should be decriminalized. Period. I've done the same at Oakwood Memorial Park [in LA's Chatsworth neighborhood], where my brother [Kevin Spacey] is buried."​
 
Officer David Nakamura; Ottawa Police Service
"...and what did these two individuals look like?"

Smokey Joe
"Uhh...let's see...they were both white. The husband had a T-shirt of some death rock band I never heard of...the wife had raven black hair with a red bandanna...black dress with white polka dots..."​
 
Officer David Nakamura; Ottawa Police Service
"...and what did these two individuals look like?"

Smokey Joe
"Uhh...let's see...they were both white. The husband had a T-shirt of some death rock band I never heard of...the wife had raven black hair with a red bandanna...black dress with white polka dots..."​

I'm afraid that I am not in the know about who this couple is.
 
Officer David Nakamura; Ottawa Police Service
"...and what did these two individuals look like?"

Smokey Joe
"Uhh...let's see...they were both white. The husband had a T-shirt of some death rock band I never heard of...the wife had raven black hair with a red bandanna...black dress with white polka dots..."​
I'll be honest, I kind of had a suspicion it would be them...
 
Officer David Nakamura; Ottawa Police Service
"...and what did these two individuals look like?"

Smokey Joe
"Uhh...let's see...they were both white. The husband had a T-shirt of some death rock band I never heard of...the wife had raven black hair with a red bandanna...black dress with white polka dots..."​

The rank that Police Officer holds is likely the rank of Constable which could be Fourth Class at the lowest end to First Class at the highest end below the rank of Sergeant. Anybody living in Canada would understand this even though I don't live in that country and have no intention to do so.

Here is the current rank structure of the Ottawa Police Service as it's listed in Wikipedia

  • 4th class constable
  • 3rd class constable
  • 2nd class constable
  • 1st class constable
  • Sergeant
  • Staff sergeant
  • Inspector
  • Superintendent
  • Deputy chief
  • Chief of police
 
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JIMMY KIMMEL
(ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live; Opening Monologue)

"I'm sure you guys heard the news...Steven Universe creator Rachel Stone and her husband, Disney animator Daniel Abbott, were spotted at the Notre-Dame cemetery in Ottawa over the weekend. Apparently they were on their honeymoon and they swung by the ol' graveyard to give John Kricfalusi's gravestone a nice golden varnish..."

*Audience laughs*

"Police in Ottawa earlier today caved to public pressure and have decided against pressing public urination or vandalism charges against the newlyweds..."

*Audience applauds*

"So tonight, we are pitching a new tourism slogan for the Canadian capital; 'When in Ottawa, piss on John K's grave...eh!'"

*Audience gives standing ovation*

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CONAN O'BRIEN
(NBC's Late Night; Excerpt)

"Any idea, Triumph, why the people in Ottawa would go through the trouble of giving such a dignified burial to basically a convicted child rapist?"

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TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG:

"I don't understand it either, but his headstone looks real nice..."

*pause*

"...FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!!"​
 
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JIMMY KIMMEL
(ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live; Opening Monologue)

"I'm sure you guys heard the news...Steven Universe creator Rachel Stone and her husband, Disney animator Daniel Abbott, were spotted at the Notre-Dame cemetery in Ottawa over the weekend. Apparently they were on their honeymoon and they swung by the ol' graveyard to give John Kricfalusi's gravestone a nice golden varnish..."

*Audience laughs*

"Police in Ottawa earlier today caved to public pressure and have decided against pressing public urination or vandalism charges against the newlyweds..."

*Audience applauds*

"So tonight, we are pitching a new tourism slogan for the Canadian capital; 'When in Ottawa, piss on John K's grave...eh!'"

*Audience gives standing ovation*​

Oh, so THAT'S the couple that pissed on a pedophile's post! This makes it even better in my opinion.
 
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JAY LENO
(CBS's The Late Show with Jay Leno; Excerpt)

"Pet owners in Canada now have a new place to housebreak their cat, dog, horse...hell even a domesticated moose if you've got one...

...right on John Kricfalusi's grave in Ottawa!!!"

*audience laughs and applauds uproariously*

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DAVID LETTERMAN
(NBC's The Tonight Show with David Letterman; Excerpt)

"Here's a photo from the Ottawa citizen of John Kricfalusi's grave...

Of course, you can see a large, noticeable golden yellow splotch on the headstone...

...and I can assure you that wasn't Molson Canadian poured on it."

*audience laughs*​
 
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ARSENIO HALL
(Excerpt from UPN's Up Late with Arsenio Hall)

"Now Seth, I understand you and Rachel Stone are teaming up again for next year's Hey Arnold! project. What is your take on her and her husband pissing on John K's grave?"

seth_macfarlane-compressed.jpg


SETH MACFARLANE
(promoting Larry and Steve: The Stewie Griffin Story):

"I love hearing stories like that. In fact, I revel in it!"

*audience applauds and barks*​
 
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JAY LENO
(CBS's The Late Show with Jay Leno; Excerpt)

"Pet owners in Canada now have a new place to housebreak their cat, dog, horse...hell even a domesticated moose if you've got one...

...right on John Kricfalusi's grave in Ottawa!!!"

*audience laughs and applauds uproariously*

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DAVID LETTERMAN
(NBC's The Tonight Show with David Letterman; Excerpt)

"Here's a photo from the Ottawa citizen of John Kricfalusi's grave...

Of course, you can see a large, noticeable golden yellow splotch on the headstone...

...and I can assure you that wasn't Molson Canadian poured on it."

*audience laughs*​

Arsenio-Hall.jpg


ARSENIO HALL
(Excerpt from UPN's Up Late with Arsenio Hall)

"Now Seth, I understand you and Rachel Stone are teaming up again for next year's Hey Arnold! project. What is your take on her and her husband pissing on John K's grave?"

seth_macfarlane-compressed.jpg


SETH MACFARLANE
(promoting Larry and Steve: The Stewie Griffin Story):

"I love hearing stories like that. In fact, I revel in it!"

*audience applauds and barks*​
This is why I love monologues more than anything else on late-night television.
 
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