It's a Norwegian Forest Cat, which was the fluffiest breed I could think of.
Alternate Wikipedia Infoboxes IV (Do not post Current Politics Here)
- Thread starter Glide08
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If it wasn't clear, I haven't been inventing breeds; they're all real (or alleged) varieties of animal that went extinct IOTL.
On Saturday, September 7, 1935, Dr. Carl Weiss confided in his father-in-law, Judge Benjamin H. Pavy, that Weiss planned to assassinate Governor Huey Long. Luckily for Long, Pavy managed to talk him out of it. Unluckily for Pavy, Long still gerrymandered him out of a job the next day.
A month before, Long had announced that he was running for President. A former supporter of Roosevelt, Long had fallen out with him for both political reasons (Long believed Roosevelt was a sellout to big business) and personal reasons (Long wanted his job). Later in the year, Long founded his own political party, so as both to support his run and to create a support network for his political allies in other states, whose support could help him win any future elections. He called his party the American League.
Long's electoral strategy was an unusual one, predicated on his unusual goals. He wasn't running to win - he was running to garner support for a challenge to Roosevelt in four years. He wasn't focusing on any states in particular - he criss-crossed the nation, hoping to find allies who might go to the convention in four years who might remember a stump speaker. He didn't choose a single running mate - he chose dozens, reasoning that he wasn't going to win anyway, and he needed to make a lot of friends real fast.
Iowan radical Milo Reno, Mississippian Senator Pat Harrison, and North Dakotan Governor William Langer got nods. Long aimed for popularity, not coherence - so Pappy O'Daniel, a conservative Texan radio host and flour salesman, and Upton Sinclair, a socialist Californian author, both got on the ballot in their respective states.
Ironically, Long might not have gotten as much support as he did had the economy not been better in late 1935. As a result, conservatives in Congress - with the support of Treasury Secretary Henry Morgenthau - got the blessing of the President to cut millions from programs like the Works Progress Administration, in order to allow the economy to stand on it. It didn't exactly go well - the decline in unemployment that had begun in 1933 abruptly reversed.
The economy recovered by the middle of the year, as the President - on the advice of more liberal advisors - decided to revert to his previous policies. But the damage to his campaign was done - Long, previously thought to be limited to his home state, was now polling even with, or better than, Roosevelt in much of the Midwest and South.
He didn't get the chance to capitalize on his success. On June 6, 1936, Adam Stanton - the brother of a woman with whom Stanton believed Senator Long was having an affair - shot Long while the Senator was visiting Louisiana on official business. Long died in the hospital the next day.
It is common to ask why Long's campaign didn't die with him. In many places, it did - Marion Zioncheck, Long's Washington running mate, endorsed Roosevelt, while Royal Copeland of New York simply ended his campaign. But others fought on. And while they didn't defeat Roosevelt, in the end, they did scare him.
(thanks to @Oppo for wikibox help)
(If you'd like to see more, check out Divided We Stand!)
A month before, Long had announced that he was running for President. A former supporter of Roosevelt, Long had fallen out with him for both political reasons (Long believed Roosevelt was a sellout to big business) and personal reasons (Long wanted his job). Later in the year, Long founded his own political party, so as both to support his run and to create a support network for his political allies in other states, whose support could help him win any future elections. He called his party the American League.
Long's electoral strategy was an unusual one, predicated on his unusual goals. He wasn't running to win - he was running to garner support for a challenge to Roosevelt in four years. He wasn't focusing on any states in particular - he criss-crossed the nation, hoping to find allies who might go to the convention in four years who might remember a stump speaker. He didn't choose a single running mate - he chose dozens, reasoning that he wasn't going to win anyway, and he needed to make a lot of friends real fast.
Iowan radical Milo Reno, Mississippian Senator Pat Harrison, and North Dakotan Governor William Langer got nods. Long aimed for popularity, not coherence - so Pappy O'Daniel, a conservative Texan radio host and flour salesman, and Upton Sinclair, a socialist Californian author, both got on the ballot in their respective states.
Ironically, Long might not have gotten as much support as he did had the economy not been better in late 1935. As a result, conservatives in Congress - with the support of Treasury Secretary Henry Morgenthau - got the blessing of the President to cut millions from programs like the Works Progress Administration, in order to allow the economy to stand on it. It didn't exactly go well - the decline in unemployment that had begun in 1933 abruptly reversed.
The economy recovered by the middle of the year, as the President - on the advice of more liberal advisors - decided to revert to his previous policies. But the damage to his campaign was done - Long, previously thought to be limited to his home state, was now polling even with, or better than, Roosevelt in much of the Midwest and South.
He didn't get the chance to capitalize on his success. On June 6, 1936, Adam Stanton - the brother of a woman with whom Stanton believed Senator Long was having an affair - shot Long while the Senator was visiting Louisiana on official business. Long died in the hospital the next day.
It is common to ask why Long's campaign didn't die with him. In many places, it did - Marion Zioncheck, Long's Washington running mate, endorsed Roosevelt, while Royal Copeland of New York simply ended his campaign. But others fought on. And while they didn't defeat Roosevelt, in the end, they did scare him.
(thanks to @Oppo for wikibox help)
(If you'd like to see more, check out Divided We Stand!)
It is common to ask why Long's campaign didn't die with him. In many places, it did - Marion Zioncheck, Long's Washington running mate, endorsed Roosevelt, while Royal Copeland of New York simply ended his campaign. But others fought on. And while they didn't defeat Roosevelt, in the end, they did scare him.
(thanks to @Oppo for wikibox help)
(If you'd like to see more, check out Divided We Stand!)
That's definitely one of the more unusual AH presidential elections I've seen. Looks like Huey Long might have shaken up the American political scene from beyond the grave.
So did Leif invent Communism ITTL, or is the name thanks to future TTL historians with more passion than accuracy?
Considering how Vinland is still called "possibly Newfoundland," I'm guessing the latter.
Barry Bull
Donor
The scary part is that your scenario is actually feasible in OTL, albeit much slower than described. It should be easy for Mr. Saakashvili to get employed in US and get a green card, after that it is just a matter of waiting for period legally required and keep himself from infringing the law before he can apply for US citizenship. Once get US citizenship, he need to wait 7 more years before he can be elected as a US House Representative.
He's 49 now, a 10 years wait is certainly feasible.
YES. YES. YES. J'APROVE.The Pittsburgh Cat is a long-haired breed of domestic cat. It is the official state cat of Pennsylvania.
History
The breed first arose in the cold storage warehouses of the Pennsylvania Storage Company in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The warehouses had been overrun by an infestation of thick-haired rats, which could withstand the temperature of the freezers. In response, an employee brought his pair of white "angora" cats (at that time, a generic term for any long-haired cat) to serve as mousers. The cats did well in the environment, and later gave birth to a litter of kittens; soon, the cats were distributed around other warehouses.
In 1894, the New York Times ran a brief report on the cats, and the peculiar nature of the cats sparked a minor media circus. Soon, papers around the country were running embellished stories about the "refrigerator cat". Common claims were that the rats were from Spitzbergen (Svalbard); that the cats lived in the warehouses and suffered heat exhaustion when taken outdoors; and that many cats had perished in developing the breed. Richard Lydekker, a respected British naturalist, took such reports at face value and included them in a volume of Allen's Naturalist's Library in 1895, which gave credibility to the stories and ensured they would be repeated to the present day.
The media attention soon died down, but it had caught the eye of other cold storage facilities across the United States, who got in contact with the Pittsburgh warehouses for their own cats. With a sudden spark in demand, a breeding program was established.
In 1961, the Pittsburgh Cat was granted recognition by The International Cat Association (TICA), codifying it as a breed.
Appearance
Pittsburgh Cats are large and strongly-built. Adult males typically weigh 11–15 pounds, while females tend to be 8-11. Their heads are sharp and triangular, with a medium-length muzzle.
The most distinctive feature of the Pittsburgh Cat is its large coat. Their coat consists of a long, thick layer of awn hairs overtop the dense, wooly undercoat. It is thickest at the legs, chest and head.
The cats are always white in color, although some may also have calico colorpoint markings. The breed has a high rate of albinism; it is believed the progenitor cats were albino.
Temperament
Pittsburgh Cats are intelligent and generally good with people. Due to their history as mousers, they are very energetic and playful, and can be demanding of attention. Though they do well outdoors, they typically prefer to stay indoors; this predisposition makes them well-suited to apartments.
Unlike most cats, Pittsburgh Cats enjoy water, and are known to go swimming and play in snow. This has been attributed to their thick fur.
Health
Like many long-haired cats, Pittsburgh Cats need daily brushing to keep their coats healthy and to prevent furballs.
The Pittsburgh Cat's coat has been noted as causing it discomfort in warmer environments. Although the coat has been thinned by successive breeding, it remains at risk for heat stroke and other heat illness if kept in warmer climates. For that reason, it's typically recommended that Pittsburgh cats be professionally groomed in the summer.
Sort of a continuation/counterpart to all those alternate dog breeds I did last year.
Gentleman Biaggi
Banned
Ok, I did change the election title to "State" instead of "Gubernatorial" on the election title.
Meanwhile, after seeing past governor elections in Utah that were special I imagined they would have special elections no matter the system, I honestly wanted governor McMuffin more than anything. I'll just end up saying State's Rights because I'm lazy.
Here's the fixed version, because I deleted the old one for some dumb reason.
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A More Perfect Union
Several states have had interesting political systems for years, such as New Hampshire’s 2 year terms for governor, or Montana’s MP term limits, or Hawaii’s near one-party system. However, the most interesting system is Utah’s. Utah is the only state in the Union that elects governors through a parliamentary system. In 2014 Utah would hold a special election after the death of longtime governor Orrin Hatch. Hatch served as governor from 1977 to 1996, when he switched parties to the Constitution Party, and then from 1996 to 2013. Hatch was quite popular and his deputy, Jason Chaffetz was expected to easily win re-election. Those expectations would be shot down by reality.
The 2014 party leaders were some of the most interesting in state history. For the Progressives, they chose Progressive firebrand Rocky Anderson, the Deseret Independence Party also chose a firebrand in Chuck Baldwin. Both candidates made controversial statements that hurt their parties in the long run. The other candidates were previous party leaders. There was Evan McMullin, a moderate Conservative and leader since 2012, Jim Mathison, long time Liberal leader, and Jason Chaffetz, current governor.
While the other three candidates were interesting, the main race was between McMullin and Chaffetz. The other three had been knocked out by major gaffes, radical statements, and lack of support for their party in Utah. Chaffetz had the upper hand with the legacy of Hatch at the beginning, however he ran a really bad campaign. He gave uninspiring speeches and failed to capitalize on Hatch’s successes. Meanwhile, McMullin ran a fantastic campaign. He had been given the nickname ‘McMuffin’ by Orrin Hatch in 2012. McMullin used it to his advantage. He even handed out McMuffins at rallies as a joke. While Hatch’s legacy kept the election close, the conservatives were able to return to the governorship since 1997.
Come back next time where a crazy politician becomes an actor!
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Very nice post, Pug!
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#1: Sideshow Bob, Bartovia, List of US Presidents, Lisa, Bart, Cletus (page 178)
#2: US Congressman Krusty the Clown, Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby (page 371)
#3: Governor Bailey, Congressman Arnold, Congressman Wilcox, Moleman (page 382)
#4: Screamapillar, Milhouse, Otto, Otto Cab Company, Insanity Pepper (page 390)
#5: Blinky, Mr. Burns, the Nuclear Power Plant, Soylent Green, Uniclams
#6: Maggie, Five Corners Monument, Malk, Grimes, Moe's/Moe, Marge (page 423)
#7: Duff Beer, Professor Frink, Chief Wiggum, Ralph, Radioactive Man (page 435)
#8: Jebediah, Sprungfeld, Groundskeeper Willie, Kwik-E-Mart, Homer (page 440)
The Blinkfish is a tricloptic subspecies of freshwater fish in the family Cyprinidae of the order Cypriniformes, and is a mutant subspecies of the common goldfish (Carassius auratus). The Blinkfish is usually orange or yellow-orange, an average length of 0.31 meters (just over 1 foot), with short fins and a round and broad upper lip; its eyes usually have white (or, occasionally, yellow) corneas and black pupils. The subspecies is indigenous to bodies of water around the American northwest, especially around the city of Springfield, USA, where it was first discovered. Its origin, history, and classification are stoked in controversy.
The first Blinkfish was discovered 43 years ago in 1998, downstream from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in Springfield, USA. The fish’s tricloptia immediately made the headlines. Accusations of hazardous radioactive waste contaminating the river and creating the fish via mutating the local goldfish prompted a government inspection of the plant, leading to the plant being heavily fined for extensive code violations. Shortly after this, the plant’s owner, elderly billionaire C. Montgomery Burns, announced a bid for governor. In the first live TV spot of his campaign, Burns addressed the blinkfish controversy by stating that “blinky” was a natural evolutionary step for the local goldfish [1]. The scope of the blinkfish’s habitat and the subspecies’ population ended up expanding dramatically within a few years of its discovery. This concerned ecologists, whom feared such fast growth would lead to negatively affecting these areas, making the blondish an invasive subspecies; however, few locals seemed to complain about the dip in local worm and mosquito populations from 1998 to 2000.
Investigation into the origins of the blinkfish lasted for nearly eighteen months, during which local scientist Professor Jonathan Frink believed the creature to be an entirely new species close to the Crucial carp (Carassius carassius) and proposed that its Latin binomial name should be Frinkapericulus triaculus. In early 2000, international scientists officially classified the blinkfish as a new “mutant subspecies” of the goldfish. The ruling was strengthened by the EPA’s capture of a mutated squirrel on the shore of Lake Springfield in 2005 [2]. This, and the discovery of a three-eyed whale [3] off Springfield’s coast in 2009 led to similar national attention to the effects of nuclear waste on the environment.
In 2001, multiple residents of the city of Springfield reported that a new amphibious species had been discovered downstream from the city’s Nuclear Power Plant. The species was described as an “aquatic bigfoot” very similar in appearance to a bipedal humanoid version of a blinkfish. Nationally famous town reviewer Howell Husker accused the city of willingly harboring a dangerous creature, claiming the monster repeatedly clubbed him with a tree branch during his brief stay in the city [4]. However, scientists and cryptozoologists have failed to find concrete evidence of the creature’s existence beyond a few webbed footprints in a local riverbed, and many dismiss the sightings as simply a man in a suit.
The same could not be said about the Flying Blinkfish subspecies (Carassius auratus pennatriaoculus) spotted and captured downstream from Springfield in 2007. The subspecies is identical to the “regular” Blinkfish except for the addition of wings and an internal extendable second mouth, and the ability to produce “enormous litters.” That controversy led to another government investigation and court ruling that determined Montgomery Burns was guilty of “causing one billion dollars of environmental damage,” resulting in a court settlement that included the creation of the Montgomery Burns Prize for Excellence in the Field of Alternative Energy – an annual $1million stipend from Burns given to local inventors [5].
Despite the controversies surrounding the subspecies, the blinkfish holds some value for the local economy. Back in 1998, Burns also claimed “Blinky” held economic value by saying it was a new fish “with a taste that can’t be beat.” His spitting out blinkfish meat at a televised event argued otherwise. However, after the FDA deemed the blinkfish to be safe for human consumption in 2001, local chefs began creating gourmet blinkfish dishes; according to them, the blinkfish must be “a-carefully and a-delicately prepared” for it to taste good. By 2030, the blinkfish had become a food staple for Springfield and several surrounding towns [6].
Blinkfish are naturally serene creatures that remain calm even when caught on a fishing hook or temporarily blinded (which can occur if their habitat is contaminated by strong moonshine), during which event the blinkfish can quickly learn to use any device such as a tree twig to tap its way around the water, much like a blind human with a cane [7]. Due to this calm behavior, blinkfish are very easy to domesticate [8]. The blinkfish’s diet consists primarily of worms and various small insects. Their presence in lakes, streams, and rivers containing plutonium runoff continue to produce controversy despite no three-eyed fish being discovered overseas in the wake of the India-Pakistan Nuclear Exchange [9]. As of 2040, there are at least 2,900,000 blinkfish in existence.
Sources:
[1] The Simpsons: Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – the plot of the episode.
[2] The Simpsons Movie (2007) – the EPA captures a multi-eyed squirrel at the 25:39 mark.
[3] The Simpsons: Season 16, Episode 10: There’s Something About Marrying (2005) – a Blinky-like monster is seen attacker Huser from 2:13 to 2:25.
[4] The Simpsons: Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – seen at the 21:04 mark.
[5] The Simpsons: Season 24, Episode 8: To Cur, With Love (2012) – seen at the very beginning of the episode.
[6] The Simpsons: Season 22, Episode 12: Homer the Father (2011) – a billboard advertising “Springfield Seafood: 50% More Fish Eyes” is quickly seen during the opening sequence.
[7] The Simpsons: Season 21, Episode 7: Rednecks and Broomsticks (2009) – seen towards the end of the episode.
[8] Futurama: Season 7, Episode 16: T.: The Terrestrial (2013) – a blinkfish is seen on Jrrr’s desk in his room, suggesting not only that the blinkfish still exists 1000 years in the future, but that they can be domesticated as well.
[9] The Simpsons: Season 11, Episode 17: Bart to the Future (2000) – in a scene set “30 years into the future,” Krusty the Clown references this event in a joke at the 16:21 mark.
Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklegruber “Monty” Burns, sometimes called C. Montgomery Burns but most often referred to as Mr. Burns (by subordinates in his presence) or Old Man Burns (by subordinates not in his presence), is an American businessman, nuclear power business magnate, investor, hedge fund manager, aviator, explorer, vexatious litigant, film producer, and alleged supercentennial. Burns was known for his extravagant wealth, boastful greed, and numerous get-even-richer-quick schemes. Due to his advanced age, but unofficial birthdate, Burns may also be the world’s oldest man.
Before 1937: Burns was born on a farm in upstate New York to Clifford Burns (1872-1979) and Daphne Burns (nee Charles) (c. 1875 – 2002) [1][2]. Burns was the second-youngest of twelve children. Burns was nicknamed “Happy” by his natural parents due to his positive personality. His paternal family is of Scottish descent, and his maternal family is of Scottish, German, and supposedly Mexican descent. Burns’ paternal grandfather, Wainwright Montgomery “Colonel” Burns (1853 – 1961), once owned a large plantation in Virginia before becoming an industrialist and newspaper owner. Burns’ parents were humble farmers who disliked material wealth. However, due to financial difficulties, Burns was sent to be raised by his wealthy grandfather at the age of five [3], who taught him a lifestyle that contradicted the one taught to him by his parents. Burns attended Yale University, becoming a Freemason [4] and a member of the Skull and Bones society before graduating in 1914 [5]. In 1936, he received the second Social Security number and, reportedly, disliked President Franklin Roosevelt for receiving the first one.
1937 to 1961: In 1937, Burns was hired by the Luftwaffe to design the world’s then-largest airplane. Burns’ creation, the Plywood Pelican, was as long as a football field and incredibly heavy. As a result, Burns flew it only once, and at an altitude of six feet for a distance of 4½ feet, before (due to the plane being a poorly-designed mass of wiring and wood) rain caused a circuit to ignite, setting the plane on fire. Burns was personally fired by the Fuhrer over the humiliation, but Burns remained in Germany and turned to financially supporting the Luftwaffe instead [6], along with manufacturing shells for the Nazis as well. In the summer of 1939, he returned to the United States to attend the 25th reunion of the Yale 1914 graduating class. While there, Burns had a one night stand with Lily Bancroft, the daughter of his former girlfriend Mimsy Bancroft; from this, Lily Bancroft gave birth to Burns’ sole child, a son named Larry Bancroft (1924-2009), whom would finally meet his father Burns in 1996, before leaving to return to his wife and children a week later [5]. After Germany invaded Poland in September 1939, Burns joined the SS [7]. However, he fled Germany and returned to the United States in December 1941, just days after the US declared war on Germany, and immediately joined the US Army in order to, in his own words “prove my unwavering patriotism.” Burns saw action in the European Theater from 1942 to 1945 [8], being honorably discharged at the rank of private due to injuries. In 1945, President Truman personally hired Burns (whom, due to his grandfather’s newspaper exaggerating for months Burns’ actions overseas, was considered the most trusted man in the United States) to fly a single $1trillion bill to Europe. The dollar never arrived, but Burns was not arrested for it until 1997 (for further information, see below) [9]. Despite being under heavy government suspicion, Burns remained in the US to work with his elderly grandfather on numerous projects and running the family business. He also founded Burns Worldwide, a company meant primarily for Wall Street Ventures heavily connected to the stock market and, later, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant [10].
1961 to 1997: Wainwright Burns finally passed away in 1961 at age 108. In his will, he left his massive fortune entirely to his oldest living grandchild. However, by the time of Burns’ grandfather’s death, all of Burns’ ten older siblings had died under unusual circumstances, including his minutes-older twin [11]. As a result, the entire fortune went to Charles Montgomery Burns. After spending a few years developing biological weapons at a laboratory (funded by the Lyndon Johnson administration) located at Springfield University [12], Burns used a portion of his newfound wealth to build the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in the late 1960s [13][14], from which he amassed even more wealth. It was during this time that he had Burns Manor constructed, a massive mansion in the wealthy Springfield neighborhood of Springfield Heights; the several-acres-large, multi-story compound was infamous for years for the pack of merciless guard hounds Burns would release on guests, both wanted and unwanted. In 1988, Burns joined the board at Springfield University. As the richest (and, since 2002, the oldest [2]) man in Springfield, Burns had a powerful influence over local law enforcement and local politics. As Chairman of the local Republican Party, he oversaw the nomination of Herschel Krustofsky to Congress and an ultimately unsuccessful effort to draft Ted Nugent for the Republican Nomination for President in 2012 [15].
1997 to 2009: The turn of the century was a very eventful time in Burns’ life. In 1997, Burns escaped arrest by Federal officers for the one trillion dollar bill theft after a Federal sting operation caught him admitting to the 1948 crime; Burns fled to Cuba, only to return to the United States a few days later via raft [9]. A jury acquitted him of “grand, grand, grand, grand larceny,” and his two accomplices on the journey to and from Cuba, on all charges. In 1998, despite an ongoing environmental controversy concerning his plant, Burns ran for Governor of his home state on a populist platform. Burns won the Republican nomination and slowly rose in the polls, but ultimately lost by a wide margin to the incumbent Governor Mary Bailey [16]. Shortly after this defeat, due to a fondness for dogs, Burns adopted 23 greyhound puppies in 1999 that he eventually raised into professional racing dogs.
Mr. Burns received notoriety in late 1999 when one of his employees, Homer Simpson, discovered Burns’ long-lost childhood toy, a teddy bear called Bobo, but refused to hand it over due to it now belonging Simpson’s daughter, a months-old Maggie Simpson. In retaliation, Burns took control of the local TV stations (forcing them to air sitcoms Burns himself had produced, directed, and starred in) and rerouted all beer trucks away from the city until Homer Simpson handed over the bear. When this did not work, Burns met with Maggie Simpson and surrendered the bear to her, only for Maggie to give the bear to Burns anyway. Burns subsequently relinquished his control over the airwaves and beer supply [3]. Only a few weeks later, though Burns once again entered conflict with Homer Simpson, when Simpson was elected President of the plant’s workers union and fought to return the workers’ dental plan. After negotiations failed (during which Burns reportedly survived a fall off a helicopter) and the workers went on strike, Burns retaliated by turning off the electricity to the entire city. Despite the immediate looting, the workers stood firm, and Burns turned back on the city’s power after renegotiations the next day [17].
Burns attempted numerous enterprises during this time, mainly by becoming the co-owner of numerous local businesses along with establishing his own. In January 2000, Burns opened Mr. Burns’ Casino [18]. The casino was highly successful in its first week, then saw a huge drop in customers until it finally was demolished later in the same year it was built [19]. In 2002, Burns won the Austin Celtics basketball team in a poker game and built a stadium in Springfield to host their games; however, the stadium was abandoned after being attacked by bees, which cost him financially (as the stadium was declared a bee sanctuary and had to take a third-quarter write-down of $804million), but Burns bounced back just weeks later [20].
In the spring of 2000, Burns flew to Scotland for a few days; upon his return, he claimed to have successfully captured the Loch Ness Monster. However, at the unveiling, Burns became disturbed and disoriented by the bright flashes from the photographs and set the stage afire [24]. Photographs and footage were damaged in from the ensuing blaze, and so the clearest images of the supposed creature are either blurry, incomplete or otherwise distorted. The lack of any concrete evidence of the creature’s existence, along with Burns’ 2002 claim that “Nessie’s currently employed at a Las Vegas casino,” has led to the summation that the capture was a hoax meant to be a publicity stunt gone awry. However, Burns and some other individuals still claim the capture to have been legitimate, though, as of 2017, admit that Nessie’s whereabouts since 2003 are completely unknown.
By the summer of 2000, Burns held a monopoly on the city of Springfield’s power, as a sole supplier of electricity for the entire town. Due to this, and his legal seizing of a newly-discovered oil well in Springfield, Burns attempted to conceal his entire hometown in darkness via a giant disk meant to block out the sun, which would require the entire population to use his electricity 24/7. This was met with much public outrage [22]. Only hours after his disk was erected, Burns was found shot outside of City Hall: at 3:00 PM, Burns was seen staggering from the City Hall parking lot and collapsed onto the city sundial [22]. Burns survived, but remained in a coma. In the meantime, his sun-blocking disk was dismantled. After an investigation led by Chief of Police Clancy Wiggum led to the arrest of two suspects, Burns awoke and, after only being able to state the name of one of his employees, former astronaut Homer Simpson, Burns broke from that trace and accused then 1-year-old Maggie Simpson of shooting him. Thus police concluded the shooting was an accident [23].
From 2007 to 2009, a federal court ruling punished Burns for successfully stealing Christmas in December 2006 via forcing him to sponsor a hefty Yale scholarship [25]. After that, Burns became a shut-in [25], refusing to spend much time outdoors due to fear of pathogens and retribution from an angered adolescent.
2009 to Present: Burns fears were justified on February 11, 2009, when an unidentified assailant stabbed Burns 17 times in the back [26] with a large knife; to keep him alive, he was cryogenically frozen. Federal investigators were able to successfully return Christmas in the ensuing search of his mansion “for clues to the crime,” allegedly. In 2010, after nearly 14 months in cryopreservation, and with fifteen of the stab wounds having been “cured,” Burns was thawed in order to reluctantly attend a wedding as an invitee’s Plus One. However, at said wedding, as he had not been completely thawed, Burns physically broke in half [27] and had to be immediately re-frozen. In early 2012, Burns was finally “cured” of the torso bifurcation and remaining stab wounds, having spent a total of 28 months (2 years and 4 months) in cryopreservation. According to reports, the experience left Burns even more reclusive and untrustworthy, refusing to even replace his hounds with new ones long after all of them had died [28]. However, he did build the Montgomery Burns Institute For Soul Extraction in 2039, though he does not own it [36]. As of 2041, he still resides in his luxurious mansion in Springfield Heights.
Wealth: Burns has lost his entire fortune four times, and after 1955 slipped below the $1billion-mark only once, briefly in early 2002 (to a wealth of “only” $996,036,000), in relation to his brief ownership of the Austin Celtics, as mentioned above [21]. However, many authorities believe Burns to be hiding his true net worth via secret bank accounts hidden all over the world. If true, Burns’ fortune could actually be, albeit illegally, in the trillions.
Health: Burns has been incredibly frail for most of his life, especially after becoming a super-centennial at some point between 1991 at the earliest and 2009 at the latest. Consistent work at the nuclear power plant has led to Burns being exposed to radiation (allowing him to glow in the dark on certain nights), which some theorize may be the reason behind his long lifespan. Another explanation for his longevity is a weekly series of medical treatments Burns has taken since at least the late 1990s [35]. Burns once claimed to only weigh as much as his clothes and keys [32]. He is sensitive to bright light, and can have severe difficulty lifting even the lightest of objects on bad days.
His mental health has been in question since the late 1990s. In early 2000, Burns went into a psychotic state similar to what Howard Hughes went through in 1947. During this state, Burns designed the Spruce Moose airplane, which was never built apart from a scale model that, during the psychosis, Burns believed was real [18]. Burns also claimed his grandfather constructed the first atom-smashing factory in 1909, wherein workers would literally smash atoms apart with hammers [34]. Furthermore, in 2002, he was seen publicly forgetting that World War One and World War Two had occurred despite having been in combat during the latter conflict [21].
Birth Date: When Burns was born, his parents did not obtain a birth certificate. As a result, much information concerning his age comes from his own claims, which are often contradictory. He once claimed to have had a driver’s license that expired in 1909, suggesting he was born in 1891, which would make him 150 years old today. In 2004, Burns claimed to have been born in 1881 (which would make him 159-160 years old today) [28]. In another instance, though, Burns claimed to be “only 81” in 1990, which would make his birthdate be in 1909, making him 131-132 years old today [29]. In 2029, though, employee Homer Simpson claimed Burns told him his true age had “four digits,” but most disregard this claim (by both Burns and Homer) as false [30].
However, several reports listed his age as 104 in 1999, suggesting that Burns was born in 1894 or 1895 [32]. Furthermore, he graduated from Yale University in 1914, and attended the 1939 reunion of said graduating class [5]. If Burns graduated at the usual age of 22, he was likely born around the year 1892. As such, most researchers believe Burns to have been born at some point between 1890 and 1895. Not counting his years in cryo-sleep, and Burns “at the very least” 140 years old.
Sources:
[1] Season 7, Episode 17: Homer the Smithers (1996) – towards the end of the episode, Burns’ mother is shown to still be alive “five decades” after Burns tried to “pull the plug” on her. Waylon claims she is “122 years old” as well.
[2] Season 11, Episode 12: The Mansion Family (2000) – his mother’s death is confirmed to have occurred since Source 1 when Burns fills out a form at the hospital and reads aloud the question “Cause of parents’ deaths,” to which he replies “got in my way.” Burns becomes the town’s oldest man at the beginning of the episode.
[3] Season 5, Episode 4: Rosebud (1993) – a snippet of Burns’ past is seen via flashback near the beginning of the episode; Burns attempting to retrieve his long-lost teddy bear from his childhood is the episode’s plot.
[4] Season 20, Episode 13: Gone Maggie Gone (2009) – Burns mentions he joined the Freemasons “before it was cool.”
[5] Season 8, Episode 4: Burns, Baby Burns (1996) – beginning at the 7:05 mark, Burns relates the story of Larry Burns’ conception by stating “it was… 1939, my 25th year reunion,” followed by a banner reading “Welcome Class of 1914” and the story of him hooking up with his old flame’s 21-year-old daughter Lily Bancroft. Burns knows of his son, as her family forced Larry to give him up to an orphanage and sent Lily to live in a convent in the South Seas, adding “I never saw her again” with sincere lamentation. Larry’s fake kidnapping is the final act of the episode.
[6] Season 16, Episode 6: Midnight Rx (2005) – The Plywood Pelican and its history are seen and told from 3:05 to 3:30.
[7] Season 21, Episode 17: American History X-cellent (2010) – Burns’ SS card is mistaken for a Social Security card at the 8:29 mark.
[8] Season 7, Episode 22: Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in “The Curse of the Flying Hellfish” (1996) – shown via flashback near the middle of the episode.
[9] Season 9, Episode 20: The Trouble With Trillions (1998) – main plot of the episode.
[10] Season 3, Episode 11: Homer Defined (1991) – “Burns Worldwide” is seen on a TV screen at the 4:23 mark.
[11] Season 20, Episode 3: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble (2008) – From 15:47 to 15:59, Burns says, while pointing to his siblings in a family photograph: “my older brother was trampled by a horse. My sister died from a poisoned potato. My twin was shot, that girl was stabbed, he ate another poisoned potato, spontaneous combustion, fell down a well, potato, potato, and impaled on the Chrysler Building,” thus leaving him the entire fortune.
[12] Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995) – In a flashback set “in the sixties,” Burns operates a germ warfare lab Mona calls a “war machine.”
[13] Season 24, Episode 8: To Cur With Love (2012) – In the flashback, Homer is six years old and Mr. Burns is trying to get the plant built.
[14] Season 13, Episode 5: The Blunder Years (2001) – In the flashback, Homer is twelve years old and Carl mentions that the plant was “just built” at the 12:25 mark.
[15] Season 23, Episode 10: Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson (2012) – this episode’s main plot.
[16] Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – main plot of the episode.
[17] The Simpsons: Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – the plot of the episode.
[18] Season 4, Episode 17: Last Exit to Springfield (1993) – the main plot of this episode. Burns falls off a helicopter at the 14:23 mark, the workers strike at the 15:01 mark, and Burns turns off the power in a dramatic fashion at the 19:52 mark.
[19] Season 5, Episode 10: $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (1993) – Burns building the casino and becoming a paranoid germaphobe is the B-plot of the episode; Marge developing a gambling problem is the A-plot.
[20] Season 10, Episode 10: Viva Ned Flanders (1999) – at the very beginning of the episode, and discussed by Marge.
[21] Season 20, Episode 8: The Burns and the Bees (2008) – Burns building a stadium is part of the main plot of the episode. At the end of the episode, Burns is discovered to have slipped below billionaire status due to the episode’s events.
[22] Season 6, Episode 25: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (1995) – the episode’s plot.
[23] Season 7, Episode 1: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two (1995) – the episode’s plot (and sorry for spoiling the 22-year-old ending for anyone whom had not seen it yet).
[24] Season 10, Episode 21: Monty Can’t Buy Me Love (1999) – the main plot of the episode; Nessie is last seen working at a casino at the very end of the episode, and she is never mentioned again for the rest of the series.
[25] Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – Burns stealing Christmas is mentioned at the 5:58 mark and Apu refers to Burns as “an elderly shut-in” at the 2:31 mark.
[26] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – from 10:04 to 10:23.
[27] Ibid. – from 17:25 to 17:39.
[28] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – this episode is meant to be set 30 years into the future, where Mr. Burns is somehow still alive, as he is seen starting at the 9:50 mark; he weakly orders “release the hounds,” and an aging Smithers dumps a box of ashes at the front gate.
[29] Season 22, Episode 15: Fraudcast News (2004)
[30] Season 2, Episode 2: Simpson and Delilah (1990) – Burns states this towards the end of the episode.
[31] Season 23, Episode 17: Them, Robot (2012) – Burns states that his age “has four digits” towards the end of the episode.
[32] Season 6, Episode 25: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (1995), Season 7, Episode 17: Homer the Smithers (1996), and Season 13, Episode 4: A Hunka Hunka Burns In Love (2001) all mention his age as being 104.
[33] Season 20, Episode 3: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble (2008) – Burns says this at the 16:36 mark.
[34] Season 4, Episode 17: Last Exit to Springfield (1993) – flashback of Wainwright is seen from the 2:45 mark to the 3:22 mark.
[35] Season 8, Episode 10: The Springfield Files (1997) - revealed at the end of the episode.
[36] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – seen at the 12:50 mark.
Also: In Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995), at the 8:47 mark, Kent Brockman claims a 19th century woodcut shows an elderly Burns terrorizing children. However, this could actually be Wainwright Burns, as he and Montgomery Burns are very similar in appearance.
The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant is a pressurized water reactor nuclear power plant located in Springfield, USA. It produces power for the entire city of Springfield and several of the smaller surrounding communities. Since the plant was first opened in 1968 it has faced numerous issues ranging from financial instability to worker safety issues and reactor core meltdowns. Springfield General Power, the state government, and the federal government have all threatened to shut down, decommission, and/or even demolish the plant over its management’s numerous law violations over the decades.
History: The nuclear power plant was founded by wealthy businessman C. Montgomery Burns. Burns, after spending some years developing biochemical weapons for the federal government [1], turned his attention to nuclear energy’s economic potential. Burns began lobbying for the plant’s construction in 1967 [2], the proposal being approved of by city council later that year. Construction began immediately, and was completed in early 1969 [4]; the incumbent Mayor of Springfield, Hans Moleman, cut the ribbon at the Grand Opening ceremony. Burns stopped working in germ warfare after his laboratory was destroyed in a bombing in the summer of 1969 [3], deciding to instead give his full attention to the power plant.
The plant had its first crisis and scandal in late 1969 (just months after the plant’s first criticality), when its reactor core failed and almost exploded, which would have most likely led to a meltdown. A potential catastrophic disaster was averted by the plant’s Executive Vice-President, Waylon Smithers Sr., whom sacrificed himself to save the plant – and the city – from destruction, via entering the radiation chamber to manually rectify the situation; Smithers Sr. immediately died from radiation poisoning. These events, however, were not disclosed until over thirty years later, after Smithers Sr.’s corpse was discovered at the bottom of a nearby quarry. Burns then disclosed that he himself had disposed of the body down a sewer pipe in secret – and claimed Smithers Sr. had been “killed in the Amazon by a tribe of savage women” on a business trip abroad – because “cover ups were all the rage back then.” However, Burns did provide financial support for Smithers Sr.’s widow and son, Waylon Smithers Jr., whom was only a year old at the time of his father’s death. Smithers Jr. would grow up to become Burns’ Executive Assistant, and has been serving in that position since his 23rd birthday in early 1991 [4].
Springfield’s longtime rival, the nearby city of Shelbyville, built a nuclear power facility of their own [5] in the 1970s as a form of economic competition. During the late 1990s the plant narrowly avoided meltdown several times, with the most famous of these events being the so-called “Springfield Nuclear Scare” of 1999 [6]. Due to the effects of reluctant refugees fleeing from chaos in Shelbyville (after being heavily damaged by the disposal of the Burns Sun Dome) in 1999 [7], and a massive increase of immigration from the neighboring city of Ogdenville [8] in 2001 after their economy collapsed, the city of Springfield saw a gradual swell in population during the 2000s decade, which called for an increase in energy production from the plant. As part of the subsequent structural expansion of the plant, a third cooling tower [9] was added in 2007 and a fourth [10] in 2009. However, as nuclear power became increasingly unpopular in the 2020s, and then tightly regulated under the Simpson Presidency in the 2030s, the plant was nearly shut down several times. Nevertheless, the city of Springfield continued its reliance on nuclear energy due to what former Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby once described as “the cultural ignorance of these imbecilic backwater civilians.” Advancements in Nuclear Safety under President Simpson and regulation reforms under President Douchebag greatly benefited the plant’s workers and managers, respectively; thus, barring further major disasters, the plant is not expected to be shut down at any point in the immediate future.
Employee Safety Concerns: The plant employed between 700 and 800 employees in 1998 (with roughly half of the employees working night shifts and the other half the day shifts [11]), but only 200 are currently employed due to automation [12]. Notable employees of the Nuclear Power Plant include former Rod Dissociator Cleaner Lenny Leonard and former Gaseous Contaminant Particularifier Operator Carl Carlson [13], both of whom were promoted to the Executive Board in 2009 [14] and also currently serve on occasion as representatives for the plant during international trade deals; future First Gentleman of the United States Milhouse Van Houten, whom briefly served as a Supervisor in Sector 7-G [14]; future Acting First Lady of the United States Marge Simpson [15]; and civilian astronaut Homer Simpson, whom served as the plant’s safety inspector from 1998 [16] to 2028.
Concerns over the safety of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant’s workers have existed since the construction stage. A 1998 federal inspection of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant uncovered 342 violations, costing the plant $56 million dollars to repair. These violations included employees unwittingly using plutonium rods as paperweights, overworked employees falling asleep at their work stations, cracked cooling towers, flashing red lights being ignored by improperly trained employees, and dangerously high Geiger counter readings around the plant’s area (however, Burns wrote the loss off as part of his gubernatorial campaign from later that year due to a loophole in FEC regulations, allowing Burns to only have to pay “a few thousand dollars” for repairs) [17].
Over its decades of operations, numerous anonymous workers have given testimony to the conditions within the plant. Claims have included phosphorescent rodents in the plant’s basement levels [18], the air conditioning never working [19], pipes and drums leaking radioactive waste, a radioactive spider in Sector 7-B [20], and decontamination showers having the tendency to spout fire [21]. Nearly all long-time employees of the power plant’s Sector 7-G, the sector containing the lowest-paid positions in the plant, have been financially compensated for being sterilized from radiation exposure in that sector [22]; Emergency Exits in the sector were once simply painted on as well [23].
Higher-level employees, however, give contrasting testimony. Accountants, all of whom work at the Executives Building (Sector 22-F), which has higher health standards, have praised the plant on numerous occasions.
The use of a trap door in Burn’s office at the top floor, once described as an iconic element of the plant’s management style, ultimately required safety changes (such as making it wheelchair-accessible) before ultimately being removed after a successful 2029 lawsuit [24].
Despite attempts at increasing worker morale at times, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant workplace environment has been labeled “depressing” by a large number of anonymous former employees. These work conditions led to crying and drinking alcohol out in the open, and at least one account of workplace rage, wherein a mentally fatigued employee “went postal,” shooting and wounding several fellow employees before being subdued by security [25].
Furthermore, several workers have died on the grounds of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Executive Vice-President Waylon Smithers Sr. died from radiation poisoning in the plant’s first reactor core (see above). Another employee named Frank Grimes, known by his colleagues as “Grimey,” according to the official report, suffered a nervous breakdown and committed suicide (via grabbing onto high-voltage cables without safety gloves) in front several witnesses, including Mr. Burns [26].
Due to the high number of worker-related injuries over the decades of operation, Burns began the process of replacing the workers with robot replacements in 2005; most positions in Sector 7-G, for instance, were filled by robots by the year 2010 [12]. Despite this change, the worker-to-injury ratio somehow did remained the same until 2028.
Managerial Crises: For years, Burns received criticism and lawsuits for refusing to hire women for positions above entry-level until 1999 [27], for refusing to hire handicapped individuals until 2007 [24], for supporting the practice of hiring illegal immigrants [28][29] (and even animals [30]) since the plant was built. Despite the many controversies surrounding Burns’ management abilities, Burns has only lost control of his plant thrice.
The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant was briefly owned by the German corporation Zwei Reihe Typen Inc. from October 2000 to late November 2000. Due to the stress of both his 1998 gubernatorial campaign and the mandatory safety repairs, Burns sold the plant for $100million to Zwei Reihe Typen Inc. on October 18, 2000 [31]. Shortly after this, the new owners discovered the cost of the plant’s violations had risen considerably in the two years since Burns’ gubernatorial run; the cost “just to bring it [the plant] up to code” was estimated to now be at $100million [32], almost double the $56 million estimate from 1998 [33]. This was due to much neglect of the plant’s already-deteriorating conditions – these included leaking cracks in the back of the cooling towers and Raccoons in machinery/wiring systems [34], along with numerous pipes leaking radioactive fluid and very weak load-bearing columns [35]. All of these conditions were hazardous to employee safety and, due to the costs involved in rectifying them, Zwei Reihe Typen Inc. was forced to sell back the plant to Burns for $50million – only half of what they had paid Burns for the plant in the first place. Homer Simpson was rehired as the Safety Inspector a few days later, only for employee safety conditions to worsen under his supervision. Nevertheless, Simpson managed to stay at this position for thirty years until his retirement in December 2028 (despite being briefly fired multiple times between 1998 and 2008).
In early 2003, employee Homer Simpson discovered the plant’s legal owner was actually a canary named Canary M. Burns, a move C. Montgomery Burns made to protect himself from responsibility for any wrongdoing by the power plant (Simpson later claimed to have heard Burns also take responsibility for the nuclear waste discovered under the ruins of Lego Land after the Lego Land Monster Attacks of 2002, but this claim was dismissed due to lack of evidence). As a power move, Simpson secretly released the bird from its cage and convinced Burns to name Simpson as the actual owner of the plant. Immediately after this, Simpson fired Burns. However, Simpson served as the President of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant for only a few weeks; after a reluctant work layoff and lack of time with family, Simpson handed ownership of the plant back to Burns in exchange for Simpson returning to his position as Safety Inspector [36].
Burns named his personal Executive Assistant, Waylon Smithers Jr., Acting President of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant while Burns was imprisoned for a multi-million-dollar art theft in 2004 [37]. Burns was released after only a couple of weeks after his lawyers discovered evidence during the trial had been improperly handled and submitted, allowing Burns to return to managing the plant.
Environmental Effects: In 1997, Burns was arrested by EPA agents for disposing radioactive waste in a public park, which inadvertently created a tree with moving tentacles and a squirrel with laser-shooting eyeballs. For these environmental damages and “in light of your [Mr. Burns’] unbelievable contempt for human life,” Burns was fined $3million [38]. Less than a year later, Burns again became the center of controversy when a three-eyed fish, eventually named the Blinkfish, was discovered downstream from the nuclear plant, leading to the Governor, Mary Bailey, ordering an inspection of the plant [33]. Environmental concerns continued to plague Burns, threatening to cease the power plant’s operating each time. As of 2040, the state government is tightly regulating the plant’s environmental effects.
Sources:
[1] Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995) – towards the beginning of the flashback; we know it is set in 1969 due to Abe Simpson watching Super Bowl III (which happened in January 1969) on TV.
[2] Season 24, Episode 8: To Cur With Love (2012) – While narrating the beginning of a flashback near the middle of the episode, Abe Simpson states “Mr. Burns was lobbying for the go-ahead on his nuclear plant.”
[3] Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995) – towards the end of the flashback
[4] Season 13, Episode 5: The Blunders Years (2001) – In the episode’s flashback, Homer is twelve years old and Carl mentions that the plant was “just built” at the 12:25 mark. During an admission to Police Chief Wiggum, Burns states he’s been hiding the truth of Smithers Sr.’s demise for “thirty years” at the 18:18 mark; the security camera footage then shows this exact demise.
[5] Season 3, Episode 5: Homer Defined (1991) – the “Shelbyville Nuclear Power Facility” is mentioned and then seen in the last chapter of the episode.
[6] Ibid. – the event occurs from 4:35 to 9:45, and Comic Book Guy is seen selling T-shirts reading “I survived the Springfield Nuclear Scare” at the 9:52 mark.
[7] Season 7, Episode 1: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two (1995)
[8] Season 20, Episode 21: Coming To Homerica (2009)
[9] Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – three cooling towers can be seen at the 6:46 mark
[10] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – four cooling towers are visible at the 8:52 mark, and a sign reading “Still Operating Thanks To the Lengthy Appeals Process” is shown at the 8:50 mark.
[11] Season 3, Episode 10: Flaming Moe’s (1991) – seen briefly.
[12] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – automation is seen at the 8:53 mark.
[13] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – Lenny and Carl state their jobs at around the 8:40 mark.
[14] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – Lenny and Carl are seen at a meeting at the 8:55 mark and Milhouse is seen to be Homer’s superior at the 9:01 mark.
[15] Season 4, Episode 7, Marge Gets a Job (1992) – the episode’s plot.
[16] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – Horst, one of the German characters, states that Homer has been the plant’s safety inspector “for two years” at the 12:38 mark.
[17] Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – seen near the middle of the episode.
[18] Ibid. – briefly seen near the middle of the episode.
[19] Season 25, Episode 1: Homerland (2013) – seen at the episode’s climax (that doesn’t spoil anything, right?)
[20] Season 4, Episode 16: Duffless (1993) – seen near the beginning of the episode.
[21] Season 14, Episode 15: C.E. D’oh (2003) – briefly seen in this episode.
[22] Season 3, Episode 24: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? (1992) – shown at the beginning of the episode, as the catalyst for the episode’s events.
[23] Season 5, Episode 9: The Last Temptation of Homer (1993) – discovered at the 2:43 mark.
[24] Season 28, Episode 9: The Last Traction Hero (2016) – The trap door being inaccessible to the handicapped (prompting Burns to say he refuses to hire the handicapped), is mentioned near the middle of the episode.
[25] Season 4, Episode 7, Marge Gets a Job (1992) – an unnamed worker, while polishing a rifle, utters “I am the angel of death. The time of purification is at hand” near the middle of the episode; the next time he is shown, less than a minute later, he cocks the gun and leaves his work station with an unwell look on his face.
[26] Season 8, Episode 23: Homer’s Enemy (1997) – this happens to Grimes at the very end of the episode.
[27] Season 5, Episode 9: The Last Temptation of Homer (1993) – Burns is forced to hire “at least one woman” by the US Department of Labor at the 4:24 mark.
[28] Ibid. – Zutroy is seen at the 3:49 mark.
[29] Season 4, Episode 7, Marge Gets a Job (1992) – Tibor “the foreign guy” is mentioned by Homer and, later, by Smithers.
[30] Season 5, Episode 9: The Last Temptation of Homer (1993) – Stewart the Duck is seen at the 4:27 mark.
[31] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – at the 8:29 mark, the name “Zwei Reihe Typen Inc.” and date “Oct. 18” are clearly written on a giant check the Germans give to Burns.
[32] Ibid. – one of the German businessman exclaims this at the 19:53 mark.
[33] Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990)
[34] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – seen from 16:07 to 16:10.
[35] Ibid. – seen from 19:45 to 19:49.
[36] Season 14, Episode 15: C.E. D’oh (2003) – the A-plot of this episode
[37] Season 21, Episode 17: American History X-cellent (2010) – Burns states the charge at the 7:35 mark and puts Smithers in charge at the 7:40 mark.
[38] Season 4, Episode 12: Marge vs. the Monorail (1993) – Burns and Smithers are seen trying to hide two drums of nuclear waste in a tree from 2:21 to 2:25, a tree with three tentacles and a glowing interior that “held nine drums” of waste is seen at 2:28, and a squirrel with large glowing green eyes with heat ray capability and a protractible tongue is seen from 2:31 to 2:34.
Soylent Green is a food product made out of the remains of deceased humans. The product is usually produced in either cracker or wafer form, with perforations over its surface and a distinctly crispy but soft texture and a taste described often as “salty, tangy and a little bit like tofu or chicken.” Inspired by the titular fictional product showcased in the 1970s film Soylent Green, Soylent Green was created in early 2023 as a response to two connected crises: the high number of corpses left over from that year’s India-Pakistan War [1] and the high number of starving survivors. The product immediately created controversy, as cannibalism is an ethics taboo [2]. It was banned in most European nations, but has gained in popularity in the United States, where it is a cheap foodstuff for conservative white-collar workers [3]. They can even be found being served at public concession stands [4]. Still, several US state governments have attempted to make the product illegal within state boundaries. These attempts were supported by President Lisa Simpson, but by the time she left office, a majority of the nation opposed “the new prohibition of our times.” As of 2041, Soylent Green is one of America’s most popular products due to its wide range of artificial flavors, versatile use in recipes, low cost and widespread availability.
Sources:
[1] Season 11, Episode 17: Bart to the Future (2000) – Krusty the Clown references it in a joke (“What’s the difference between Pakistan and a pancake? I’ve never heard of any pancakes that were nuked by India!”) at the 16:21 mark, adding “what, too soon?” right afterwards, implying that the nuking was a fairly recent event.
[2] Ibid. – when Homer shows a box of Soylent Green (reading “now with more girls!”) to Bart and Ralph near the 6:20 mark, Ralph asks “isn’t that made of people?” to which Homer replies “Oh, here we go!,” suggesting he is tired of defending his use of the product, thus suggesting it to be controversial.
[3] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – at the 8:47 mark, a “20-year-old magazine” is shown; it is an issue of Business Week, and “Cannibalism: The New Gold?” is on its front cover, suggesting that cannibalism is being turned to as a way of addressing a major food shortage and so is slowly becoming more culturally acceptable in some cultures.
[4] Season 4, Episode 6: The Itchy and Scratchy Movie (1992) – in the flash-forward at the very end of the episode, a moviegoer is seen ordering Soylent Green at the concession stand.
Uniclams are a “mutant species” of mollusk resembling a clams with feathery white wings and small unicorn-like horns. The first uniclams were discovered in the Springfield Heights neighborhood of the city of Springfield, downstream from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. As a side effect of the Springfield Dome Scandal, the world refugee crises of the late 2000s, and the overall negligence of the nuclear plant to handle hazardous materials, the city of Springfield developed several colloquially-named “Forbidden Zones” by 2008, where major disaster was consistent and caution was heavily advised when travelling through these intercity regions. Springfield Heights eventually became overrun with uniclams, making the area become The Uniclam Zone from 2007 to 2035. The uniclam is considered dangerous because of its razor-sharp wings, pointy poison-tipped horn (which can cause paralysis in humans), and its ability to quickly snap shut its strong bivalve shells down on seemingly any object (which can cause intense pain and blood loss for humans). Destroying a uniclam is very difficult, as they can fly to great heights, swim to great depths, and have bullet-proof shells. The only surefire way to kill a uniclam is to bifurcate it (tearing the shells apart at the hingeline) or to stab it deeply through either of the soft spaces from where its wings stick out. The Uniclam Zone stopped being a “Forbidden Zone” once the uniclams decreased in population during the early-to-mid 2030s, when food sources began drying up, leading most uniclams to migrate to similar zones in the nearby city of Shelbyville.
Sources:
Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – from 12:37 to 12:47: four “Forbidden Zones” are discussed between Apu and Bart; Bart mentions “radioactive, smallpox, eternal midnight” and Apu mentions “the one with the uniclams.”
Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – Homer is seen walking with his grandsons casually outside Burns’ manor at the 9:48 mark, suggesting Uniclams are no longer a concern.
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The Simpsons Wikibox Post #5
#1: Sideshow Bob, Bartovia, List of US Presidents, Lisa, Bart, Cletus (page 178)
#2: US Congressman Krusty the Clown, Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby (page 371)
#3: Governor Bailey, Congressman Arnold, Congressman Wilcox, Moleman (page 382)
#4: Screamapillar, Milhouse, Otto, Otto Cab Company, Insanity Pepper (page 390)
#5: Blinky, Mr. Burns, the Nuclear Power Plant, Soylent Green, Uniclams
#6: Maggie, Five Corners Monument, Malk, Grimes, Moe's/Moe, Marge (page 423)
#7: Duff Beer, Professor Frink, Chief Wiggum, Ralph, Radioactive Man (page 435)
#8: Jebediah, Sprungfeld, Groundskeeper Willie, Kwik-E-Mart, Homer (page 440)
Blinky
The Blinkfish is a tricloptic subspecies of freshwater fish in the family Cyprinidae of the order Cypriniformes, and is a mutant subspecies of the common goldfish (Carassius auratus). The Blinkfish is usually orange or yellow-orange, an average length of 0.31 meters (just over 1 foot), with short fins and a round and broad upper lip; its eyes usually have white (or, occasionally, yellow) corneas and black pupils. The subspecies is indigenous to bodies of water around the American northwest, especially around the city of Springfield, USA, where it was first discovered. Its origin, history, and classification are stoked in controversy.
The first Blinkfish was discovered 43 years ago in 1998, downstream from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in Springfield, USA. The fish’s tricloptia immediately made the headlines. Accusations of hazardous radioactive waste contaminating the river and creating the fish via mutating the local goldfish prompted a government inspection of the plant, leading to the plant being heavily fined for extensive code violations. Shortly after this, the plant’s owner, elderly billionaire C. Montgomery Burns, announced a bid for governor. In the first live TV spot of his campaign, Burns addressed the blinkfish controversy by stating that “blinky” was a natural evolutionary step for the local goldfish [1]. The scope of the blinkfish’s habitat and the subspecies’ population ended up expanding dramatically within a few years of its discovery. This concerned ecologists, whom feared such fast growth would lead to negatively affecting these areas, making the blondish an invasive subspecies; however, few locals seemed to complain about the dip in local worm and mosquito populations from 1998 to 2000.
Investigation into the origins of the blinkfish lasted for nearly eighteen months, during which local scientist Professor Jonathan Frink believed the creature to be an entirely new species close to the Crucial carp (Carassius carassius) and proposed that its Latin binomial name should be Frinkapericulus triaculus. In early 2000, international scientists officially classified the blinkfish as a new “mutant subspecies” of the goldfish. The ruling was strengthened by the EPA’s capture of a mutated squirrel on the shore of Lake Springfield in 2005 [2]. This, and the discovery of a three-eyed whale [3] off Springfield’s coast in 2009 led to similar national attention to the effects of nuclear waste on the environment.
In 2001, multiple residents of the city of Springfield reported that a new amphibious species had been discovered downstream from the city’s Nuclear Power Plant. The species was described as an “aquatic bigfoot” very similar in appearance to a bipedal humanoid version of a blinkfish. Nationally famous town reviewer Howell Husker accused the city of willingly harboring a dangerous creature, claiming the monster repeatedly clubbed him with a tree branch during his brief stay in the city [4]. However, scientists and cryptozoologists have failed to find concrete evidence of the creature’s existence beyond a few webbed footprints in a local riverbed, and many dismiss the sightings as simply a man in a suit.
The same could not be said about the Flying Blinkfish subspecies (Carassius auratus pennatriaoculus) spotted and captured downstream from Springfield in 2007. The subspecies is identical to the “regular” Blinkfish except for the addition of wings and an internal extendable second mouth, and the ability to produce “enormous litters.” That controversy led to another government investigation and court ruling that determined Montgomery Burns was guilty of “causing one billion dollars of environmental damage,” resulting in a court settlement that included the creation of the Montgomery Burns Prize for Excellence in the Field of Alternative Energy – an annual $1million stipend from Burns given to local inventors [5].
Despite the controversies surrounding the subspecies, the blinkfish holds some value for the local economy. Back in 1998, Burns also claimed “Blinky” held economic value by saying it was a new fish “with a taste that can’t be beat.” His spitting out blinkfish meat at a televised event argued otherwise. However, after the FDA deemed the blinkfish to be safe for human consumption in 2001, local chefs began creating gourmet blinkfish dishes; according to them, the blinkfish must be “a-carefully and a-delicately prepared” for it to taste good. By 2030, the blinkfish had become a food staple for Springfield and several surrounding towns [6].
Blinkfish are naturally serene creatures that remain calm even when caught on a fishing hook or temporarily blinded (which can occur if their habitat is contaminated by strong moonshine), during which event the blinkfish can quickly learn to use any device such as a tree twig to tap its way around the water, much like a blind human with a cane [7]. Due to this calm behavior, blinkfish are very easy to domesticate [8]. The blinkfish’s diet consists primarily of worms and various small insects. Their presence in lakes, streams, and rivers containing plutonium runoff continue to produce controversy despite no three-eyed fish being discovered overseas in the wake of the India-Pakistan Nuclear Exchange [9]. As of 2040, there are at least 2,900,000 blinkfish in existence.
Sources:
[1] The Simpsons: Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – the plot of the episode.
[2] The Simpsons Movie (2007) – the EPA captures a multi-eyed squirrel at the 25:39 mark.
[3] The Simpsons: Season 16, Episode 10: There’s Something About Marrying (2005) – a Blinky-like monster is seen attacker Huser from 2:13 to 2:25.
[4] The Simpsons: Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – seen at the 21:04 mark.
[5] The Simpsons: Season 24, Episode 8: To Cur, With Love (2012) – seen at the very beginning of the episode.
[6] The Simpsons: Season 22, Episode 12: Homer the Father (2011) – a billboard advertising “Springfield Seafood: 50% More Fish Eyes” is quickly seen during the opening sequence.
[7] The Simpsons: Season 21, Episode 7: Rednecks and Broomsticks (2009) – seen towards the end of the episode.
[8] Futurama: Season 7, Episode 16: T.: The Terrestrial (2013) – a blinkfish is seen on Jrrr’s desk in his room, suggesting not only that the blinkfish still exists 1000 years in the future, but that they can be domesticated as well.
[9] The Simpsons: Season 11, Episode 17: Bart to the Future (2000) – in a scene set “30 years into the future,” Krusty the Clown references this event in a joke at the 16:21 mark.
C. Montgomery Burns
Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklegruber “Monty” Burns, sometimes called C. Montgomery Burns but most often referred to as Mr. Burns (by subordinates in his presence) or Old Man Burns (by subordinates not in his presence), is an American businessman, nuclear power business magnate, investor, hedge fund manager, aviator, explorer, vexatious litigant, film producer, and alleged supercentennial. Burns was known for his extravagant wealth, boastful greed, and numerous get-even-richer-quick schemes. Due to his advanced age, but unofficial birthdate, Burns may also be the world’s oldest man.
Before 1937: Burns was born on a farm in upstate New York to Clifford Burns (1872-1979) and Daphne Burns (nee Charles) (c. 1875 – 2002) [1][2]. Burns was the second-youngest of twelve children. Burns was nicknamed “Happy” by his natural parents due to his positive personality. His paternal family is of Scottish descent, and his maternal family is of Scottish, German, and supposedly Mexican descent. Burns’ paternal grandfather, Wainwright Montgomery “Colonel” Burns (1853 – 1961), once owned a large plantation in Virginia before becoming an industrialist and newspaper owner. Burns’ parents were humble farmers who disliked material wealth. However, due to financial difficulties, Burns was sent to be raised by his wealthy grandfather at the age of five [3], who taught him a lifestyle that contradicted the one taught to him by his parents. Burns attended Yale University, becoming a Freemason [4] and a member of the Skull and Bones society before graduating in 1914 [5]. In 1936, he received the second Social Security number and, reportedly, disliked President Franklin Roosevelt for receiving the first one.
1937 to 1961: In 1937, Burns was hired by the Luftwaffe to design the world’s then-largest airplane. Burns’ creation, the Plywood Pelican, was as long as a football field and incredibly heavy. As a result, Burns flew it only once, and at an altitude of six feet for a distance of 4½ feet, before (due to the plane being a poorly-designed mass of wiring and wood) rain caused a circuit to ignite, setting the plane on fire. Burns was personally fired by the Fuhrer over the humiliation, but Burns remained in Germany and turned to financially supporting the Luftwaffe instead [6], along with manufacturing shells for the Nazis as well. In the summer of 1939, he returned to the United States to attend the 25th reunion of the Yale 1914 graduating class. While there, Burns had a one night stand with Lily Bancroft, the daughter of his former girlfriend Mimsy Bancroft; from this, Lily Bancroft gave birth to Burns’ sole child, a son named Larry Bancroft (1924-2009), whom would finally meet his father Burns in 1996, before leaving to return to his wife and children a week later [5]. After Germany invaded Poland in September 1939, Burns joined the SS [7]. However, he fled Germany and returned to the United States in December 1941, just days after the US declared war on Germany, and immediately joined the US Army in order to, in his own words “prove my unwavering patriotism.” Burns saw action in the European Theater from 1942 to 1945 [8], being honorably discharged at the rank of private due to injuries. In 1945, President Truman personally hired Burns (whom, due to his grandfather’s newspaper exaggerating for months Burns’ actions overseas, was considered the most trusted man in the United States) to fly a single $1trillion bill to Europe. The dollar never arrived, but Burns was not arrested for it until 1997 (for further information, see below) [9]. Despite being under heavy government suspicion, Burns remained in the US to work with his elderly grandfather on numerous projects and running the family business. He also founded Burns Worldwide, a company meant primarily for Wall Street Ventures heavily connected to the stock market and, later, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant [10].
1961 to 1997: Wainwright Burns finally passed away in 1961 at age 108. In his will, he left his massive fortune entirely to his oldest living grandchild. However, by the time of Burns’ grandfather’s death, all of Burns’ ten older siblings had died under unusual circumstances, including his minutes-older twin [11]. As a result, the entire fortune went to Charles Montgomery Burns. After spending a few years developing biological weapons at a laboratory (funded by the Lyndon Johnson administration) located at Springfield University [12], Burns used a portion of his newfound wealth to build the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in the late 1960s [13][14], from which he amassed even more wealth. It was during this time that he had Burns Manor constructed, a massive mansion in the wealthy Springfield neighborhood of Springfield Heights; the several-acres-large, multi-story compound was infamous for years for the pack of merciless guard hounds Burns would release on guests, both wanted and unwanted. In 1988, Burns joined the board at Springfield University. As the richest (and, since 2002, the oldest [2]) man in Springfield, Burns had a powerful influence over local law enforcement and local politics. As Chairman of the local Republican Party, he oversaw the nomination of Herschel Krustofsky to Congress and an ultimately unsuccessful effort to draft Ted Nugent for the Republican Nomination for President in 2012 [15].
1997 to 2009: The turn of the century was a very eventful time in Burns’ life. In 1997, Burns escaped arrest by Federal officers for the one trillion dollar bill theft after a Federal sting operation caught him admitting to the 1948 crime; Burns fled to Cuba, only to return to the United States a few days later via raft [9]. A jury acquitted him of “grand, grand, grand, grand larceny,” and his two accomplices on the journey to and from Cuba, on all charges. In 1998, despite an ongoing environmental controversy concerning his plant, Burns ran for Governor of his home state on a populist platform. Burns won the Republican nomination and slowly rose in the polls, but ultimately lost by a wide margin to the incumbent Governor Mary Bailey [16]. Shortly after this defeat, due to a fondness for dogs, Burns adopted 23 greyhound puppies in 1999 that he eventually raised into professional racing dogs.
Mr. Burns received notoriety in late 1999 when one of his employees, Homer Simpson, discovered Burns’ long-lost childhood toy, a teddy bear called Bobo, but refused to hand it over due to it now belonging Simpson’s daughter, a months-old Maggie Simpson. In retaliation, Burns took control of the local TV stations (forcing them to air sitcoms Burns himself had produced, directed, and starred in) and rerouted all beer trucks away from the city until Homer Simpson handed over the bear. When this did not work, Burns met with Maggie Simpson and surrendered the bear to her, only for Maggie to give the bear to Burns anyway. Burns subsequently relinquished his control over the airwaves and beer supply [3]. Only a few weeks later, though Burns once again entered conflict with Homer Simpson, when Simpson was elected President of the plant’s workers union and fought to return the workers’ dental plan. After negotiations failed (during which Burns reportedly survived a fall off a helicopter) and the workers went on strike, Burns retaliated by turning off the electricity to the entire city. Despite the immediate looting, the workers stood firm, and Burns turned back on the city’s power after renegotiations the next day [17].
Burns attempted numerous enterprises during this time, mainly by becoming the co-owner of numerous local businesses along with establishing his own. In January 2000, Burns opened Mr. Burns’ Casino [18]. The casino was highly successful in its first week, then saw a huge drop in customers until it finally was demolished later in the same year it was built [19]. In 2002, Burns won the Austin Celtics basketball team in a poker game and built a stadium in Springfield to host their games; however, the stadium was abandoned after being attacked by bees, which cost him financially (as the stadium was declared a bee sanctuary and had to take a third-quarter write-down of $804million), but Burns bounced back just weeks later [20].
In the spring of 2000, Burns flew to Scotland for a few days; upon his return, he claimed to have successfully captured the Loch Ness Monster. However, at the unveiling, Burns became disturbed and disoriented by the bright flashes from the photographs and set the stage afire [24]. Photographs and footage were damaged in from the ensuing blaze, and so the clearest images of the supposed creature are either blurry, incomplete or otherwise distorted. The lack of any concrete evidence of the creature’s existence, along with Burns’ 2002 claim that “Nessie’s currently employed at a Las Vegas casino,” has led to the summation that the capture was a hoax meant to be a publicity stunt gone awry. However, Burns and some other individuals still claim the capture to have been legitimate, though, as of 2017, admit that Nessie’s whereabouts since 2003 are completely unknown.
By the summer of 2000, Burns held a monopoly on the city of Springfield’s power, as a sole supplier of electricity for the entire town. Due to this, and his legal seizing of a newly-discovered oil well in Springfield, Burns attempted to conceal his entire hometown in darkness via a giant disk meant to block out the sun, which would require the entire population to use his electricity 24/7. This was met with much public outrage [22]. Only hours after his disk was erected, Burns was found shot outside of City Hall: at 3:00 PM, Burns was seen staggering from the City Hall parking lot and collapsed onto the city sundial [22]. Burns survived, but remained in a coma. In the meantime, his sun-blocking disk was dismantled. After an investigation led by Chief of Police Clancy Wiggum led to the arrest of two suspects, Burns awoke and, after only being able to state the name of one of his employees, former astronaut Homer Simpson, Burns broke from that trace and accused then 1-year-old Maggie Simpson of shooting him. Thus police concluded the shooting was an accident [23].
From 2007 to 2009, a federal court ruling punished Burns for successfully stealing Christmas in December 2006 via forcing him to sponsor a hefty Yale scholarship [25]. After that, Burns became a shut-in [25], refusing to spend much time outdoors due to fear of pathogens and retribution from an angered adolescent.
2009 to Present: Burns fears were justified on February 11, 2009, when an unidentified assailant stabbed Burns 17 times in the back [26] with a large knife; to keep him alive, he was cryogenically frozen. Federal investigators were able to successfully return Christmas in the ensuing search of his mansion “for clues to the crime,” allegedly. In 2010, after nearly 14 months in cryopreservation, and with fifteen of the stab wounds having been “cured,” Burns was thawed in order to reluctantly attend a wedding as an invitee’s Plus One. However, at said wedding, as he had not been completely thawed, Burns physically broke in half [27] and had to be immediately re-frozen. In early 2012, Burns was finally “cured” of the torso bifurcation and remaining stab wounds, having spent a total of 28 months (2 years and 4 months) in cryopreservation. According to reports, the experience left Burns even more reclusive and untrustworthy, refusing to even replace his hounds with new ones long after all of them had died [28]. However, he did build the Montgomery Burns Institute For Soul Extraction in 2039, though he does not own it [36]. As of 2041, he still resides in his luxurious mansion in Springfield Heights.
Wealth: Burns has lost his entire fortune four times, and after 1955 slipped below the $1billion-mark only once, briefly in early 2002 (to a wealth of “only” $996,036,000), in relation to his brief ownership of the Austin Celtics, as mentioned above [21]. However, many authorities believe Burns to be hiding his true net worth via secret bank accounts hidden all over the world. If true, Burns’ fortune could actually be, albeit illegally, in the trillions.
Health: Burns has been incredibly frail for most of his life, especially after becoming a super-centennial at some point between 1991 at the earliest and 2009 at the latest. Consistent work at the nuclear power plant has led to Burns being exposed to radiation (allowing him to glow in the dark on certain nights), which some theorize may be the reason behind his long lifespan. Another explanation for his longevity is a weekly series of medical treatments Burns has taken since at least the late 1990s [35]. Burns once claimed to only weigh as much as his clothes and keys [32]. He is sensitive to bright light, and can have severe difficulty lifting even the lightest of objects on bad days.
His mental health has been in question since the late 1990s. In early 2000, Burns went into a psychotic state similar to what Howard Hughes went through in 1947. During this state, Burns designed the Spruce Moose airplane, which was never built apart from a scale model that, during the psychosis, Burns believed was real [18]. Burns also claimed his grandfather constructed the first atom-smashing factory in 1909, wherein workers would literally smash atoms apart with hammers [34]. Furthermore, in 2002, he was seen publicly forgetting that World War One and World War Two had occurred despite having been in combat during the latter conflict [21].
Birth Date: When Burns was born, his parents did not obtain a birth certificate. As a result, much information concerning his age comes from his own claims, which are often contradictory. He once claimed to have had a driver’s license that expired in 1909, suggesting he was born in 1891, which would make him 150 years old today. In 2004, Burns claimed to have been born in 1881 (which would make him 159-160 years old today) [28]. In another instance, though, Burns claimed to be “only 81” in 1990, which would make his birthdate be in 1909, making him 131-132 years old today [29]. In 2029, though, employee Homer Simpson claimed Burns told him his true age had “four digits,” but most disregard this claim (by both Burns and Homer) as false [30].
However, several reports listed his age as 104 in 1999, suggesting that Burns was born in 1894 or 1895 [32]. Furthermore, he graduated from Yale University in 1914, and attended the 1939 reunion of said graduating class [5]. If Burns graduated at the usual age of 22, he was likely born around the year 1892. As such, most researchers believe Burns to have been born at some point between 1890 and 1895. Not counting his years in cryo-sleep, and Burns “at the very least” 140 years old.
Sources:
[1] Season 7, Episode 17: Homer the Smithers (1996) – towards the end of the episode, Burns’ mother is shown to still be alive “five decades” after Burns tried to “pull the plug” on her. Waylon claims she is “122 years old” as well.
[2] Season 11, Episode 12: The Mansion Family (2000) – his mother’s death is confirmed to have occurred since Source 1 when Burns fills out a form at the hospital and reads aloud the question “Cause of parents’ deaths,” to which he replies “got in my way.” Burns becomes the town’s oldest man at the beginning of the episode.
[3] Season 5, Episode 4: Rosebud (1993) – a snippet of Burns’ past is seen via flashback near the beginning of the episode; Burns attempting to retrieve his long-lost teddy bear from his childhood is the episode’s plot.
[4] Season 20, Episode 13: Gone Maggie Gone (2009) – Burns mentions he joined the Freemasons “before it was cool.”
[5] Season 8, Episode 4: Burns, Baby Burns (1996) – beginning at the 7:05 mark, Burns relates the story of Larry Burns’ conception by stating “it was… 1939, my 25th year reunion,” followed by a banner reading “Welcome Class of 1914” and the story of him hooking up with his old flame’s 21-year-old daughter Lily Bancroft. Burns knows of his son, as her family forced Larry to give him up to an orphanage and sent Lily to live in a convent in the South Seas, adding “I never saw her again” with sincere lamentation. Larry’s fake kidnapping is the final act of the episode.
[6] Season 16, Episode 6: Midnight Rx (2005) – The Plywood Pelican and its history are seen and told from 3:05 to 3:30.
[7] Season 21, Episode 17: American History X-cellent (2010) – Burns’ SS card is mistaken for a Social Security card at the 8:29 mark.
[8] Season 7, Episode 22: Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in “The Curse of the Flying Hellfish” (1996) – shown via flashback near the middle of the episode.
[9] Season 9, Episode 20: The Trouble With Trillions (1998) – main plot of the episode.
[10] Season 3, Episode 11: Homer Defined (1991) – “Burns Worldwide” is seen on a TV screen at the 4:23 mark.
[11] Season 20, Episode 3: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble (2008) – From 15:47 to 15:59, Burns says, while pointing to his siblings in a family photograph: “my older brother was trampled by a horse. My sister died from a poisoned potato. My twin was shot, that girl was stabbed, he ate another poisoned potato, spontaneous combustion, fell down a well, potato, potato, and impaled on the Chrysler Building,” thus leaving him the entire fortune.
[12] Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995) – In a flashback set “in the sixties,” Burns operates a germ warfare lab Mona calls a “war machine.”
[13] Season 24, Episode 8: To Cur With Love (2012) – In the flashback, Homer is six years old and Mr. Burns is trying to get the plant built.
[14] Season 13, Episode 5: The Blunder Years (2001) – In the flashback, Homer is twelve years old and Carl mentions that the plant was “just built” at the 12:25 mark.
[15] Season 23, Episode 10: Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson (2012) – this episode’s main plot.
[16] Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – main plot of the episode.
[17] The Simpsons: Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – the plot of the episode.
[18] Season 4, Episode 17: Last Exit to Springfield (1993) – the main plot of this episode. Burns falls off a helicopter at the 14:23 mark, the workers strike at the 15:01 mark, and Burns turns off the power in a dramatic fashion at the 19:52 mark.
[19] Season 5, Episode 10: $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (1993) – Burns building the casino and becoming a paranoid germaphobe is the B-plot of the episode; Marge developing a gambling problem is the A-plot.
[20] Season 10, Episode 10: Viva Ned Flanders (1999) – at the very beginning of the episode, and discussed by Marge.
[21] Season 20, Episode 8: The Burns and the Bees (2008) – Burns building a stadium is part of the main plot of the episode. At the end of the episode, Burns is discovered to have slipped below billionaire status due to the episode’s events.
[22] Season 6, Episode 25: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (1995) – the episode’s plot.
[23] Season 7, Episode 1: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two (1995) – the episode’s plot (and sorry for spoiling the 22-year-old ending for anyone whom had not seen it yet).
[24] Season 10, Episode 21: Monty Can’t Buy Me Love (1999) – the main plot of the episode; Nessie is last seen working at a casino at the very end of the episode, and she is never mentioned again for the rest of the series.
[25] Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – Burns stealing Christmas is mentioned at the 5:58 mark and Apu refers to Burns as “an elderly shut-in” at the 2:31 mark.
[26] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – from 10:04 to 10:23.
[27] Ibid. – from 17:25 to 17:39.
[28] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – this episode is meant to be set 30 years into the future, where Mr. Burns is somehow still alive, as he is seen starting at the 9:50 mark; he weakly orders “release the hounds,” and an aging Smithers dumps a box of ashes at the front gate.
[29] Season 22, Episode 15: Fraudcast News (2004)
[30] Season 2, Episode 2: Simpson and Delilah (1990) – Burns states this towards the end of the episode.
[31] Season 23, Episode 17: Them, Robot (2012) – Burns states that his age “has four digits” towards the end of the episode.
[32] Season 6, Episode 25: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One (1995), Season 7, Episode 17: Homer the Smithers (1996), and Season 13, Episode 4: A Hunka Hunka Burns In Love (2001) all mention his age as being 104.
[33] Season 20, Episode 3: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble (2008) – Burns says this at the 16:36 mark.
[34] Season 4, Episode 17: Last Exit to Springfield (1993) – flashback of Wainwright is seen from the 2:45 mark to the 3:22 mark.
[35] Season 8, Episode 10: The Springfield Files (1997) - revealed at the end of the episode.
[36] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – seen at the 12:50 mark.
Also: In Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995), at the 8:47 mark, Kent Brockman claims a 19th century woodcut shows an elderly Burns terrorizing children. However, this could actually be Wainwright Burns, as he and Montgomery Burns are very similar in appearance.
Springfield Nuclear Power Plant
The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant is a pressurized water reactor nuclear power plant located in Springfield, USA. It produces power for the entire city of Springfield and several of the smaller surrounding communities. Since the plant was first opened in 1968 it has faced numerous issues ranging from financial instability to worker safety issues and reactor core meltdowns. Springfield General Power, the state government, and the federal government have all threatened to shut down, decommission, and/or even demolish the plant over its management’s numerous law violations over the decades.
History: The nuclear power plant was founded by wealthy businessman C. Montgomery Burns. Burns, after spending some years developing biochemical weapons for the federal government [1], turned his attention to nuclear energy’s economic potential. Burns began lobbying for the plant’s construction in 1967 [2], the proposal being approved of by city council later that year. Construction began immediately, and was completed in early 1969 [4]; the incumbent Mayor of Springfield, Hans Moleman, cut the ribbon at the Grand Opening ceremony. Burns stopped working in germ warfare after his laboratory was destroyed in a bombing in the summer of 1969 [3], deciding to instead give his full attention to the power plant.
The plant had its first crisis and scandal in late 1969 (just months after the plant’s first criticality), when its reactor core failed and almost exploded, which would have most likely led to a meltdown. A potential catastrophic disaster was averted by the plant’s Executive Vice-President, Waylon Smithers Sr., whom sacrificed himself to save the plant – and the city – from destruction, via entering the radiation chamber to manually rectify the situation; Smithers Sr. immediately died from radiation poisoning. These events, however, were not disclosed until over thirty years later, after Smithers Sr.’s corpse was discovered at the bottom of a nearby quarry. Burns then disclosed that he himself had disposed of the body down a sewer pipe in secret – and claimed Smithers Sr. had been “killed in the Amazon by a tribe of savage women” on a business trip abroad – because “cover ups were all the rage back then.” However, Burns did provide financial support for Smithers Sr.’s widow and son, Waylon Smithers Jr., whom was only a year old at the time of his father’s death. Smithers Jr. would grow up to become Burns’ Executive Assistant, and has been serving in that position since his 23rd birthday in early 1991 [4].
Springfield’s longtime rival, the nearby city of Shelbyville, built a nuclear power facility of their own [5] in the 1970s as a form of economic competition. During the late 1990s the plant narrowly avoided meltdown several times, with the most famous of these events being the so-called “Springfield Nuclear Scare” of 1999 [6]. Due to the effects of reluctant refugees fleeing from chaos in Shelbyville (after being heavily damaged by the disposal of the Burns Sun Dome) in 1999 [7], and a massive increase of immigration from the neighboring city of Ogdenville [8] in 2001 after their economy collapsed, the city of Springfield saw a gradual swell in population during the 2000s decade, which called for an increase in energy production from the plant. As part of the subsequent structural expansion of the plant, a third cooling tower [9] was added in 2007 and a fourth [10] in 2009. However, as nuclear power became increasingly unpopular in the 2020s, and then tightly regulated under the Simpson Presidency in the 2030s, the plant was nearly shut down several times. Nevertheless, the city of Springfield continued its reliance on nuclear energy due to what former Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby once described as “the cultural ignorance of these imbecilic backwater civilians.” Advancements in Nuclear Safety under President Simpson and regulation reforms under President Douchebag greatly benefited the plant’s workers and managers, respectively; thus, barring further major disasters, the plant is not expected to be shut down at any point in the immediate future.
Employee Safety Concerns: The plant employed between 700 and 800 employees in 1998 (with roughly half of the employees working night shifts and the other half the day shifts [11]), but only 200 are currently employed due to automation [12]. Notable employees of the Nuclear Power Plant include former Rod Dissociator Cleaner Lenny Leonard and former Gaseous Contaminant Particularifier Operator Carl Carlson [13], both of whom were promoted to the Executive Board in 2009 [14] and also currently serve on occasion as representatives for the plant during international trade deals; future First Gentleman of the United States Milhouse Van Houten, whom briefly served as a Supervisor in Sector 7-G [14]; future Acting First Lady of the United States Marge Simpson [15]; and civilian astronaut Homer Simpson, whom served as the plant’s safety inspector from 1998 [16] to 2028.
Concerns over the safety of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant’s workers have existed since the construction stage. A 1998 federal inspection of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant uncovered 342 violations, costing the plant $56 million dollars to repair. These violations included employees unwittingly using plutonium rods as paperweights, overworked employees falling asleep at their work stations, cracked cooling towers, flashing red lights being ignored by improperly trained employees, and dangerously high Geiger counter readings around the plant’s area (however, Burns wrote the loss off as part of his gubernatorial campaign from later that year due to a loophole in FEC regulations, allowing Burns to only have to pay “a few thousand dollars” for repairs) [17].
Over its decades of operations, numerous anonymous workers have given testimony to the conditions within the plant. Claims have included phosphorescent rodents in the plant’s basement levels [18], the air conditioning never working [19], pipes and drums leaking radioactive waste, a radioactive spider in Sector 7-B [20], and decontamination showers having the tendency to spout fire [21]. Nearly all long-time employees of the power plant’s Sector 7-G, the sector containing the lowest-paid positions in the plant, have been financially compensated for being sterilized from radiation exposure in that sector [22]; Emergency Exits in the sector were once simply painted on as well [23].
Higher-level employees, however, give contrasting testimony. Accountants, all of whom work at the Executives Building (Sector 22-F), which has higher health standards, have praised the plant on numerous occasions.
The use of a trap door in Burn’s office at the top floor, once described as an iconic element of the plant’s management style, ultimately required safety changes (such as making it wheelchair-accessible) before ultimately being removed after a successful 2029 lawsuit [24].
Despite attempts at increasing worker morale at times, the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant workplace environment has been labeled “depressing” by a large number of anonymous former employees. These work conditions led to crying and drinking alcohol out in the open, and at least one account of workplace rage, wherein a mentally fatigued employee “went postal,” shooting and wounding several fellow employees before being subdued by security [25].
Furthermore, several workers have died on the grounds of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Executive Vice-President Waylon Smithers Sr. died from radiation poisoning in the plant’s first reactor core (see above). Another employee named Frank Grimes, known by his colleagues as “Grimey,” according to the official report, suffered a nervous breakdown and committed suicide (via grabbing onto high-voltage cables without safety gloves) in front several witnesses, including Mr. Burns [26].
Due to the high number of worker-related injuries over the decades of operation, Burns began the process of replacing the workers with robot replacements in 2005; most positions in Sector 7-G, for instance, were filled by robots by the year 2010 [12]. Despite this change, the worker-to-injury ratio somehow did remained the same until 2028.
Managerial Crises: For years, Burns received criticism and lawsuits for refusing to hire women for positions above entry-level until 1999 [27], for refusing to hire handicapped individuals until 2007 [24], for supporting the practice of hiring illegal immigrants [28][29] (and even animals [30]) since the plant was built. Despite the many controversies surrounding Burns’ management abilities, Burns has only lost control of his plant thrice.
The Springfield Nuclear Power Plant was briefly owned by the German corporation Zwei Reihe Typen Inc. from October 2000 to late November 2000. Due to the stress of both his 1998 gubernatorial campaign and the mandatory safety repairs, Burns sold the plant for $100million to Zwei Reihe Typen Inc. on October 18, 2000 [31]. Shortly after this, the new owners discovered the cost of the plant’s violations had risen considerably in the two years since Burns’ gubernatorial run; the cost “just to bring it [the plant] up to code” was estimated to now be at $100million [32], almost double the $56 million estimate from 1998 [33]. This was due to much neglect of the plant’s already-deteriorating conditions – these included leaking cracks in the back of the cooling towers and Raccoons in machinery/wiring systems [34], along with numerous pipes leaking radioactive fluid and very weak load-bearing columns [35]. All of these conditions were hazardous to employee safety and, due to the costs involved in rectifying them, Zwei Reihe Typen Inc. was forced to sell back the plant to Burns for $50million – only half of what they had paid Burns for the plant in the first place. Homer Simpson was rehired as the Safety Inspector a few days later, only for employee safety conditions to worsen under his supervision. Nevertheless, Simpson managed to stay at this position for thirty years until his retirement in December 2028 (despite being briefly fired multiple times between 1998 and 2008).
In early 2003, employee Homer Simpson discovered the plant’s legal owner was actually a canary named Canary M. Burns, a move C. Montgomery Burns made to protect himself from responsibility for any wrongdoing by the power plant (Simpson later claimed to have heard Burns also take responsibility for the nuclear waste discovered under the ruins of Lego Land after the Lego Land Monster Attacks of 2002, but this claim was dismissed due to lack of evidence). As a power move, Simpson secretly released the bird from its cage and convinced Burns to name Simpson as the actual owner of the plant. Immediately after this, Simpson fired Burns. However, Simpson served as the President of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant for only a few weeks; after a reluctant work layoff and lack of time with family, Simpson handed ownership of the plant back to Burns in exchange for Simpson returning to his position as Safety Inspector [36].
Burns named his personal Executive Assistant, Waylon Smithers Jr., Acting President of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant while Burns was imprisoned for a multi-million-dollar art theft in 2004 [37]. Burns was released after only a couple of weeks after his lawyers discovered evidence during the trial had been improperly handled and submitted, allowing Burns to return to managing the plant.
Environmental Effects: In 1997, Burns was arrested by EPA agents for disposing radioactive waste in a public park, which inadvertently created a tree with moving tentacles and a squirrel with laser-shooting eyeballs. For these environmental damages and “in light of your [Mr. Burns’] unbelievable contempt for human life,” Burns was fined $3million [38]. Less than a year later, Burns again became the center of controversy when a three-eyed fish, eventually named the Blinkfish, was discovered downstream from the nuclear plant, leading to the Governor, Mary Bailey, ordering an inspection of the plant [33]. Environmental concerns continued to plague Burns, threatening to cease the power plant’s operating each time. As of 2040, the state government is tightly regulating the plant’s environmental effects.
Sources:
[1] Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995) – towards the beginning of the flashback; we know it is set in 1969 due to Abe Simpson watching Super Bowl III (which happened in January 1969) on TV.
[2] Season 24, Episode 8: To Cur With Love (2012) – While narrating the beginning of a flashback near the middle of the episode, Abe Simpson states “Mr. Burns was lobbying for the go-ahead on his nuclear plant.”
[3] Season 7, Episode 8: Mother Simpson (1995) – towards the end of the flashback
[4] Season 13, Episode 5: The Blunders Years (2001) – In the episode’s flashback, Homer is twelve years old and Carl mentions that the plant was “just built” at the 12:25 mark. During an admission to Police Chief Wiggum, Burns states he’s been hiding the truth of Smithers Sr.’s demise for “thirty years” at the 18:18 mark; the security camera footage then shows this exact demise.
[5] Season 3, Episode 5: Homer Defined (1991) – the “Shelbyville Nuclear Power Facility” is mentioned and then seen in the last chapter of the episode.
[6] Ibid. – the event occurs from 4:35 to 9:45, and Comic Book Guy is seen selling T-shirts reading “I survived the Springfield Nuclear Scare” at the 9:52 mark.
[7] Season 7, Episode 1: Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two (1995)
[8] Season 20, Episode 21: Coming To Homerica (2009)
[9] Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – three cooling towers can be seen at the 6:46 mark
[10] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – four cooling towers are visible at the 8:52 mark, and a sign reading “Still Operating Thanks To the Lengthy Appeals Process” is shown at the 8:50 mark.
[11] Season 3, Episode 10: Flaming Moe’s (1991) – seen briefly.
[12] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – automation is seen at the 8:53 mark.
[13] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – Lenny and Carl state their jobs at around the 8:40 mark.
[14] Season 6, Episode 19: Lisa’s Wedding (1995) – Lenny and Carl are seen at a meeting at the 8:55 mark and Milhouse is seen to be Homer’s superior at the 9:01 mark.
[15] Season 4, Episode 7, Marge Gets a Job (1992) – the episode’s plot.
[16] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – Horst, one of the German characters, states that Homer has been the plant’s safety inspector “for two years” at the 12:38 mark.
[17] Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990) – seen near the middle of the episode.
[18] Ibid. – briefly seen near the middle of the episode.
[19] Season 25, Episode 1: Homerland (2013) – seen at the episode’s climax (that doesn’t spoil anything, right?)
[20] Season 4, Episode 16: Duffless (1993) – seen near the beginning of the episode.
[21] Season 14, Episode 15: C.E. D’oh (2003) – briefly seen in this episode.
[22] Season 3, Episode 24: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes? (1992) – shown at the beginning of the episode, as the catalyst for the episode’s events.
[23] Season 5, Episode 9: The Last Temptation of Homer (1993) – discovered at the 2:43 mark.
[24] Season 28, Episode 9: The Last Traction Hero (2016) – The trap door being inaccessible to the handicapped (prompting Burns to say he refuses to hire the handicapped), is mentioned near the middle of the episode.
[25] Season 4, Episode 7, Marge Gets a Job (1992) – an unnamed worker, while polishing a rifle, utters “I am the angel of death. The time of purification is at hand” near the middle of the episode; the next time he is shown, less than a minute later, he cocks the gun and leaves his work station with an unwell look on his face.
[26] Season 8, Episode 23: Homer’s Enemy (1997) – this happens to Grimes at the very end of the episode.
[27] Season 5, Episode 9: The Last Temptation of Homer (1993) – Burns is forced to hire “at least one woman” by the US Department of Labor at the 4:24 mark.
[28] Ibid. – Zutroy is seen at the 3:49 mark.
[29] Season 4, Episode 7, Marge Gets a Job (1992) – Tibor “the foreign guy” is mentioned by Homer and, later, by Smithers.
[30] Season 5, Episode 9: The Last Temptation of Homer (1993) – Stewart the Duck is seen at the 4:27 mark.
[31] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – at the 8:29 mark, the name “Zwei Reihe Typen Inc.” and date “Oct. 18” are clearly written on a giant check the Germans give to Burns.
[32] Ibid. – one of the German businessman exclaims this at the 19:53 mark.
[33] Season 2, Episode 4: Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish (1990)
[34] Season 3, Episode 11: Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk (1991) – seen from 16:07 to 16:10.
[35] Ibid. – seen from 19:45 to 19:49.
[36] Season 14, Episode 15: C.E. D’oh (2003) – the A-plot of this episode
[37] Season 21, Episode 17: American History X-cellent (2010) – Burns states the charge at the 7:35 mark and puts Smithers in charge at the 7:40 mark.
[38] Season 4, Episode 12: Marge vs. the Monorail (1993) – Burns and Smithers are seen trying to hide two drums of nuclear waste in a tree from 2:21 to 2:25, a tree with three tentacles and a glowing interior that “held nine drums” of waste is seen at 2:28, and a squirrel with large glowing green eyes with heat ray capability and a protractible tongue is seen from 2:31 to 2:34.
Soylent Green
Soylent Green is a food product made out of the remains of deceased humans. The product is usually produced in either cracker or wafer form, with perforations over its surface and a distinctly crispy but soft texture and a taste described often as “salty, tangy and a little bit like tofu or chicken.” Inspired by the titular fictional product showcased in the 1970s film Soylent Green, Soylent Green was created in early 2023 as a response to two connected crises: the high number of corpses left over from that year’s India-Pakistan War [1] and the high number of starving survivors. The product immediately created controversy, as cannibalism is an ethics taboo [2]. It was banned in most European nations, but has gained in popularity in the United States, where it is a cheap foodstuff for conservative white-collar workers [3]. They can even be found being served at public concession stands [4]. Still, several US state governments have attempted to make the product illegal within state boundaries. These attempts were supported by President Lisa Simpson, but by the time she left office, a majority of the nation opposed “the new prohibition of our times.” As of 2041, Soylent Green is one of America’s most popular products due to its wide range of artificial flavors, versatile use in recipes, low cost and widespread availability.
Sources:
[1] Season 11, Episode 17: Bart to the Future (2000) – Krusty the Clown references it in a joke (“What’s the difference between Pakistan and a pancake? I’ve never heard of any pancakes that were nuked by India!”) at the 16:21 mark, adding “what, too soon?” right afterwards, implying that the nuking was a fairly recent event.
[2] Ibid. – when Homer shows a box of Soylent Green (reading “now with more girls!”) to Bart and Ralph near the 6:20 mark, Ralph asks “isn’t that made of people?” to which Homer replies “Oh, here we go!,” suggesting he is tired of defending his use of the product, thus suggesting it to be controversial.
[3] Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – at the 8:47 mark, a “20-year-old magazine” is shown; it is an issue of Business Week, and “Cannibalism: The New Gold?” is on its front cover, suggesting that cannibalism is being turned to as a way of addressing a major food shortage and so is slowly becoming more culturally acceptable in some cultures.
[4] Season 4, Episode 6: The Itchy and Scratchy Movie (1992) – in the flash-forward at the very end of the episode, a moviegoer is seen ordering Soylent Green at the concession stand.
Uniclams
Uniclams are a “mutant species” of mollusk resembling a clams with feathery white wings and small unicorn-like horns. The first uniclams were discovered in the Springfield Heights neighborhood of the city of Springfield, downstream from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. As a side effect of the Springfield Dome Scandal, the world refugee crises of the late 2000s, and the overall negligence of the nuclear plant to handle hazardous materials, the city of Springfield developed several colloquially-named “Forbidden Zones” by 2008, where major disaster was consistent and caution was heavily advised when travelling through these intercity regions. Springfield Heights eventually became overrun with uniclams, making the area become The Uniclam Zone from 2007 to 2035. The uniclam is considered dangerous because of its razor-sharp wings, pointy poison-tipped horn (which can cause paralysis in humans), and its ability to quickly snap shut its strong bivalve shells down on seemingly any object (which can cause intense pain and blood loss for humans). Destroying a uniclam is very difficult, as they can fly to great heights, swim to great depths, and have bullet-proof shells. The only surefire way to kill a uniclam is to bifurcate it (tearing the shells apart at the hingeline) or to stab it deeply through either of the soft spaces from where its wings stick out. The Uniclam Zone stopped being a “Forbidden Zone” once the uniclams decreased in population during the early-to-mid 2030s, when food sources began drying up, leading most uniclams to migrate to similar zones in the nearby city of Shelbyville.
Sources:
Season 16, Episode 15: Future-Drama (2005) – from 12:37 to 12:47: four “Forbidden Zones” are discussed between Apu and Bart; Bart mentions “radioactive, smallpox, eternal midnight” and Apu mentions “the one with the uniclams.”
Season 23, Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed (2011) – Homer is seen walking with his grandsons casually outside Burns’ manor at the 9:48 mark, suggesting Uniclams are no longer a concern.
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As much as I like Jenna (and I really do), I don't think she can be as quirky and mercurial as the Doctor's role often requires. I can think of other actresses that would probably fit that aspect of the Doctor's personality better.
Excellent, complex companion, but I've never been so sure Jenna specifically would be a good casting choice for a female incarnation (if OTL had gone very differently). I didn't think of Jen as much of a comedienne before she joined the cast, and even though she was very good with the comedic bits of acting, I still don't think she's the type of actress that can come across as genuinely quirky and weird (rather than funny in a more conventional manner).
Already a good while ago, I read a review/comment made on a domestic film and TV database concerning the episode "Flatline". The author of said review/comment stated that Jenna's performance in the ep, along with the script placing the companion into more Doctor-like duties, is proof that a female Doctor wouldn't be just an interesting experiment, it could be a really worthwhile contribution to the series. I agree with that review/comment.
In a sense, though, Jenna's Clara does become a Doctor-y figure by the end. But rather than an imitation of him, she's pretty much her own brand of Time Renegade. Quite possibly the first former companion to achieve such a status, though it's not all happy-clappy.
Speaking of DW infobox bandwagons, here's my contribution from last year. I'm quite happy I accidentally predicted the Thirteenth would be a lady...
*end of digression*
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Considering American states have... odd systems of government (such as their tendecities to have minor executive officials as elected posts), I can get why the death of the Governor would lead to dissolution now.Ok, I did change the election title to "State" instead of "Gubernatorial" on the election title.
Meanwhile, after seeing past governor elections in Utah that were special I imagined they would have special elections no matter the system, I honestly wanted governor McMuffin more than anything. I'll just end up saying State's Rights because I'm lazy.
Here's the fixed version, because I deleted the old one for some dumb reason.
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A More Perfect Union
Several states have had interesting political systems for years, such as New Hampshire’s 2 year terms for governor, or Montana’s MP term limits, or Hawaii’s near one-party system. However, the most interesting system is Utah’s. Utah is the only state in the Union that elects governors through a parliamentary system. In 2014 Utah would hold a special election after the death of longtime governor Orrin Hatch. Hatch served as governor from 1977 to 1996, when he switched parties to the Constitution Party, and then from 1996 to 2013. Hatch was quite popular and his deputy, Jason Chaffetz was expected to easily win re-election. Those expectations would be shot down by reality.
The 2014 party leaders were some of the most interesting in state history. For the Progressives, they chose Progressive firebrand Rocky Anderson, the Deseret Independence Party also chose a firebrand in Chuck Baldwin. Both candidates made controversial statements that hurt their parties in the long run. The other candidates were previous party leaders. There was Evan McMullin, a moderate Conservative and leader since 2012, Jim Mathison, long time Liberal leader, and Jason Chaffetz, current governor.
While the other three candidates were interesting, the main race was between McMullin and Chaffetz. The other three had been knocked out by major gaffes, radical statements, and lack of support for their party in Utah. Chaffetz had the upper hand with the legacy of Hatch at the beginning, however he ran a really bad campaign. He gave uninspiring speeches and failed to capitalize on Hatch’s successes. Meanwhile, McMullin ran a fantastic campaign. He had been given the nickname ‘McMuffin’ by Orrin Hatch in 2012. McMullin used it to his advantage. He even handed out McMuffins at rallies as a joke. While Hatch’s legacy kept the election close, the conservatives were able to return to the governorship since 1997.
Come back next time where a crazy politician becomes an actor!
BlackentheBorg
Banned
On the subject of Long-era politics:
Fighting Son is a 2016 British-American historical biographical film directed and produced by Danny Boyle, starring Matt Smith in the role of President Philip La Follette. The story centres around the political hardships that La Follette faced within the Republican party, as well as a more divided United States in the build up to the World War Two.
(I also had a Mickey Leland biopic with Henry Lennix lines up but just couldn't get the premise right)
Fighting Son is a 2016 British-American historical biographical film directed and produced by Danny Boyle, starring Matt Smith in the role of President Philip La Follette. The story centres around the political hardships that La Follette faced within the Republican party, as well as a more divided United States in the build up to the World War Two.
(I also had a Mickey Leland biopic with Henry Lennix lines up but just couldn't get the premise right)
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…By the time testing for the two AMST candidates was successfully completed in 1977, the program was already under threat. As part of the post-Vietnam redevelopment of the United States military, there was a growing recognition of the importance of operations outside of the United States and Europe, where supplies were not already prepositioned and divisions already prepared to fight. Deploying soldiers and their equipment to locations as far-flung as Africa, Southeast Asia, or the Middle East would require aircraft with large payloads and long ranges, but not necessarily STOL capabilities, the exact opposite of the AMST requirements. Compounding this shift in direction was the aging of the C-141 fleet, procured in the early 1960s and worked hard since then, which needed to be replaced by a new aircraft. The Air Force Chief of Staff, David C. Jones, inquired as early as 1976 whether the AMST aircraft could be modified to handle the strategic mission as well as the tactical mission, and initially it seemed as though the program might be headed for the scrapheap of changes in military requirements.
However, this interest in a new generation of strategic airlifter quickly subsided. Since its introduction in 1969, the C-5 Galaxy had demonstrated its effectiveness in lifting heavy and oversized cargo, and although production had stopped in 1975 Lockheed promised that it could relatively cheaply resume building the giant aircraft. Although the C-5 would have relatively high operating costs compared to other aircraft, its load was large enough that it still seemed competitive on price with the alternatives of a modified civilian aircraft or an entirely new military design. With the decision to procure a second batch of C-5s in early 1979, the AMST resumed its attempt to decide between the Boeing YC-14 and the McDonnell Douglas YC-15 as an eventual replacement for the venerable C-130 Hercules. Although the decision was made difficult by the fact that both aircraft had met or exceeded testing requirements, ultimately Air Force leadership narrowly decided that the YC-14 was the superior choice in late 1979, awarding a contract to Boeing with the expectation that 500 or more aircraft might eventually be ordered. At the same time, the new aircraft was officially named the “Stratofreighter II,” after the earlier Boeing transport, the C-97 Stratofreighter.
Boeing, like the rest of the military-industrial complex, benefited greatly from the military build-up of the Reagan years. Although funding for new tactical airlifters was last in priority behind new fighters, bombers, strategic transports, and other assets, Boeing was nevertheless able to carve out a larger amount of pie than had appeared likely under Carter. Although there were accidents and incidents during the testing program, by and large C-14 development went smoothly, with the first production examples being delivered to the Air Force in late 1984, allowing the standing up of the first operational squadron in early 1985.
The C-14 has seen wide use since then, with the first combat usage being in 1989, during Operation Just Cause, when the type was used as part of the assault on Omar Torrijos Airport. The next major combat usage came during Operation Desert Storm…
…Originally slated for 500 or more orders, to completely replace the C-130 fleet, orders were slashed in the wake of the Cold War as part of the so-called “Peace Dividend”. Higher-than-expected acquisition costs, combined with relatively high operational costs associated with the complex lift augmentation systems, had led to diminishing enthusiasm for the type’s advantages over the Hercules. Plans for a complete replacement of the Hercules fleet were abandoned in favor of a smaller order of 110 aircraft intended only to supplement them with a faster, heavier, and more nimble aircraft.
To compensate for the loss of Air Force orders, Boeing immediately began to seek out foreign and commercial customers for the type. There was some interest among specialty firms in the possibility of using the C-14 to lift time-sensitive cargo to remote locations, such as oil wells, but the availability of much cheaper ex-Soviet An-72s, which failed to find much of a market, soon crushed the hopes of the Boeing 730. Instead, the first non-Air Force customer for the type was the Royal Saudi Air Force, which had been impressed with its performance during Operation Desert Storm and was less concerned with strategic range than the United States. Orders from other close American allies soon followed, then orders from other nations…
…By the mid-1990s, the initial euphoria that followed the end of the Cold War had begun to fade, replaced by a new awareness of continuing security challenges. In this environment, procuring more C-14s seemed to make more sense than it had in 1990, and a second batch of 27 aircraft was ordered in 1995. Further orders followed in 1999, 2001, and 2004, when shutdown of the production line was scheduled for 2009. Congress intervened and ordered a final batch of 9 aircraft, ultimately extending production until 2011. A total of 207 aircraft were purchased by the United States Air Force…
…The most common nickname for the C-14 in American service is “Mickey,” and crew members are often called “Mickeys” by the rest of the United States Air Force. Initially a derogatory reference to the plane’s frontal appearance, the name was soon appropriated as a badge of pride by pilots, who recalled Mickey’s ability to triumph over seemingly stronger and more powerful foes. References to other jug-eared characters are also fairly common, and the 155th Airlift Squadron has the unofficial motto “What, me worry?” in reference to Alfred E. Neuman, the mascot of MAD magazine…
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This is a little idea I've had sort of noodling around my head for a long while but only got around to writing up after discussing it with @e of pi a few days ago. The PoD, which is not terrifically obvious from the write-up, is basically that C-5 development goes smoothly, with few troubles. Therefore, the Air Force decides to procure more C-5s in the late 1970s instead of developing an entirely new strategic airlifter, the C-17, to replace the C-141, as mentioned in the second paragraph. They sort of did this OTL, with the C-5B, but not quite as much as ITTL.
Gentleman Biaggi
Banned
A More Perfect Union
1984 is a 2014 mockumentary about the 1984 U.S Parliamentary elections. In it Conservative candidate Mike Perry, (played by Glenn Beck), is running for parliament in New York, one of the most Progressive states in the Union, in a famous Progressive sweep. The movie chronicles the life of his increasingly floundering and radical campaign and the people who work in his campaign office. The movie is also known for being the last where famed award-winning actor Lyn Marcus would participate in. Marcus played Perry’s campaign manager Francis McCarthy. The movie was quite successful for it’s smaller-than-average budget and helped establish Ted Cruz as more than an anti-Texan Independence talk show host.
1984 is a 2014 mockumentary about the 1984 U.S Parliamentary elections. In it Conservative candidate Mike Perry, (played by Glenn Beck), is running for parliament in New York, one of the most Progressive states in the Union, in a famous Progressive sweep. The movie chronicles the life of his increasingly floundering and radical campaign and the people who work in his campaign office. The movie is also known for being the last where famed award-winning actor Lyn Marcus would participate in. Marcus played Perry’s campaign manager Francis McCarthy. The movie was quite successful for it’s smaller-than-average budget and helped establish Ted Cruz as more than an anti-Texan Independence talk show host.
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2000 United States House Elections
The 2000 elections for the United States House of Representatives (HoR) was perhaps one of the most dramatic in the history of that Lower House. Coming off the back of over a decade of Reform Party dominance within the HoR, the previous (1998) midterm elections saw the initially strong plurality of Reform seats being cut from 218 to 170 as the independent Stephen Clark was elected Speaker in a compromise vote; the Unionist and Socialist parties both regaining many of their old seats in the House as the American economy slowed - and ultimately turned into a recession - over the course of 1998. Speculation of a recovery proved ultimately in vain as the recession (fuelled by the collapse of the nascent internet economy and the bursting of several speculative bubbles) went from bad-to-worse as a result of the introduction of higher import tariffs after a proposal by the Reform President Peter Casey narrowly passed Congress, and by early-2000 unemployment in the United States reached its peak at 9%. Across the country, Reform was routing in almost all electoral polls, with the upcoming Presidential and Congressional elections being increasingly seen as the Party's reaper lying-in-wait just over the horizon.
Circling above the retreating Reform was several parties seeking long-awaited revenge against that which had for the past decade kept them out of power; the Unionists, Socialists, and National Conservatives primarily. Carrie Fowler, despite dogged with allegations that he 'lacked charisma', nevertheless managed to establish in the lead-up to the election a persona of a strong, safe, and electable leading candidate for both himself and his Unionist Party. Within the Socialist camp, Sidney Costello, the twice-tested 48-year old continued in his attempts to unite the disparate left-wing parties of the United States in the same manner done by the Unionist and National Conservative parties when they formed an official alliance in 1990; his attempts to officiate a pact between his Socialists and the Progressive and Democratic parties - as well as the minor gains made in the 1996 and 1998 HoR elections - leading to allegations of weakness in his leadership. Meanwhile, former Speaker of the House, Trent Costa, attempted to damage-control all that had been done to his party over the past 18 months; the characterisation of Costa as a 'backdoor politician' not helping him in the eyes of both voters and Reform Party members.
'Character' was perhaps the most influential factor in the 2000 House Elections. Whilst it was obviously influenced very heavily by the concurrent presidential race between Unionist Douglas Jones, Reformist Peter Casey, and Socialist Warren McCarthy, the candidates in the HoR elections were nevertheless considered by the public in their own right; Fowler being perhaps the most well-received of the then-three main parties in the Lower House. Besides his age and experience, the candidate from Georgia's 5th Congressional District managed to build a narrative surrounding both the Presidential and Congressional elections in 2000, stating that a vote from himself, Douglas Jones, and the Unionists was a vote for the "average American, wishing to live their lives in prosperity and peace". Meanwhile, Fowler's primary opponent for control over the HoR (as predicted by election polls) was Sidney Costello; seen as increasingly weak and unable to bridge the gap between his party and the 'modern America', Costello nevertheless managed to continually rise in the polls thanks to the efforts of Warren McCarthy, as well as his own stump speeches which he gave regularly in the lead up to the first round of voting in October.
As with every HoR election since 1948, no party managed to achieve a majority in the Lower House in the first round of voting in 2000; nevertheless, the results were startling due to the dramatic shift in voting patterns. The Reformists - dominant for over a decade due to the strong economic upturn of the 1990's and their shift to peace politics after the Third Mexican-American War - were almost wiped-out, even in comparison to their remarkably minor showing in the 1998 mid-term elections; the party winning only 2 seats in full during the first round. The Unionists and Socialists on the other hand saw their fortunes increase greatly in response to the lack of trust many Americans felt towards the Reformists; both increasing in their vote total to the point in which it became clear that the following round of voting in November would bode very well for both 'leading parties'.
Despite Trent Costa's attempts at damage control following the disastrous results of the first round, it was clear by November that his attempts would ultimately prove in vain; the Reform Party, after a decade of influence and domination over the American political scene, had for all intents and purposes died on November 3, 2000. American's, distrustful of syncretic Reformist establishment following the onset of the 1999 Recession, instead opted for the two long-time leading parties in America; the Unionists and the Socialists. Of these two, it was clear that Carrie Fowler's 'cautious conservationism', coupled with Douglas Jones' victory over Peter Casey in the Presidential Election, ultimately proved the winning formula; Fowler becoming the first Unionist Speaker of the HoR since 1989, and Jones the Party's first president since 1969. Sidney Costello on the other hand, his speaker candidacy shaken by the unexpected third-place showing of Warren McCarthy in the presidential election's first round nevertheless managed to oversee a sharp increase of seats for his Socialist Party; Americans having seemingly overcome the trauma of the Third Mexican-American War.
Amongst the third parties, the greatest showing was that of the stalwart Unionist ally, the National Conservatives; the long-time leader Patricia Franken overseeing her party attain it's highest seat total it's history. Meanwhile, the two lesser left-wing parties (the Progressives and the Democrats) lost several seats amidst the resurgence of the Socialists; the Country Union and the States' Rights Party being on the receiving end of the Unionist surge, whilst the recently-formed Liberal Party gained several seats thanks to the sharp thinking of it's founder Kevin Massive (who ran candidates only in districts which he believed they had the chance to win).
Ultimately, despite not receiving a majority of seats, the Unionist Party (together with their National Conservative allies) managed to form in late-2000 a Majority Caucus in the HoR thanks to the efforts of both Carrie Fowler, Douglas Jones, and Majority Leader Jim Goss; the Country Union, Liberal, New Republican, and Independent parties joining them in forming legislative government. Meanwhile, the Socialists under Sidney Costello ultimately managed to form an official opposition to Fowler and his right-wing compact; the Socialists being joined by the Progressive and Democratic parties, as well as the newly-formed People's Labour Party, in establishing the HoR's Minority Caucus in early-2001 after much deliberation - the remaining independent and partisan representatives (including those from the mortally wounded Reform Party) forming the Crossbench.
The 2000 elections for the United States House of Representatives (HoR) was perhaps one of the most dramatic in the history of that Lower House. Coming off the back of over a decade of Reform Party dominance within the HoR, the previous (1998) midterm elections saw the initially strong plurality of Reform seats being cut from 218 to 170 as the independent Stephen Clark was elected Speaker in a compromise vote; the Unionist and Socialist parties both regaining many of their old seats in the House as the American economy slowed - and ultimately turned into a recession - over the course of 1998. Speculation of a recovery proved ultimately in vain as the recession (fuelled by the collapse of the nascent internet economy and the bursting of several speculative bubbles) went from bad-to-worse as a result of the introduction of higher import tariffs after a proposal by the Reform President Peter Casey narrowly passed Congress, and by early-2000 unemployment in the United States reached its peak at 9%. Across the country, Reform was routing in almost all electoral polls, with the upcoming Presidential and Congressional elections being increasingly seen as the Party's reaper lying-in-wait just over the horizon.
Circling above the retreating Reform was several parties seeking long-awaited revenge against that which had for the past decade kept them out of power; the Unionists, Socialists, and National Conservatives primarily. Carrie Fowler, despite dogged with allegations that he 'lacked charisma', nevertheless managed to establish in the lead-up to the election a persona of a strong, safe, and electable leading candidate for both himself and his Unionist Party. Within the Socialist camp, Sidney Costello, the twice-tested 48-year old continued in his attempts to unite the disparate left-wing parties of the United States in the same manner done by the Unionist and National Conservative parties when they formed an official alliance in 1990; his attempts to officiate a pact between his Socialists and the Progressive and Democratic parties - as well as the minor gains made in the 1996 and 1998 HoR elections - leading to allegations of weakness in his leadership. Meanwhile, former Speaker of the House, Trent Costa, attempted to damage-control all that had been done to his party over the past 18 months; the characterisation of Costa as a 'backdoor politician' not helping him in the eyes of both voters and Reform Party members.
'Character' was perhaps the most influential factor in the 2000 House Elections. Whilst it was obviously influenced very heavily by the concurrent presidential race between Unionist Douglas Jones, Reformist Peter Casey, and Socialist Warren McCarthy, the candidates in the HoR elections were nevertheless considered by the public in their own right; Fowler being perhaps the most well-received of the then-three main parties in the Lower House. Besides his age and experience, the candidate from Georgia's 5th Congressional District managed to build a narrative surrounding both the Presidential and Congressional elections in 2000, stating that a vote from himself, Douglas Jones, and the Unionists was a vote for the "average American, wishing to live their lives in prosperity and peace". Meanwhile, Fowler's primary opponent for control over the HoR (as predicted by election polls) was Sidney Costello; seen as increasingly weak and unable to bridge the gap between his party and the 'modern America', Costello nevertheless managed to continually rise in the polls thanks to the efforts of Warren McCarthy, as well as his own stump speeches which he gave regularly in the lead up to the first round of voting in October.
As with every HoR election since 1948, no party managed to achieve a majority in the Lower House in the first round of voting in 2000; nevertheless, the results were startling due to the dramatic shift in voting patterns. The Reformists - dominant for over a decade due to the strong economic upturn of the 1990's and their shift to peace politics after the Third Mexican-American War - were almost wiped-out, even in comparison to their remarkably minor showing in the 1998 mid-term elections; the party winning only 2 seats in full during the first round. The Unionists and Socialists on the other hand saw their fortunes increase greatly in response to the lack of trust many Americans felt towards the Reformists; both increasing in their vote total to the point in which it became clear that the following round of voting in November would bode very well for both 'leading parties'.
Despite Trent Costa's attempts at damage control following the disastrous results of the first round, it was clear by November that his attempts would ultimately prove in vain; the Reform Party, after a decade of influence and domination over the American political scene, had for all intents and purposes died on November 3, 2000. American's, distrustful of syncretic Reformist establishment following the onset of the 1999 Recession, instead opted for the two long-time leading parties in America; the Unionists and the Socialists. Of these two, it was clear that Carrie Fowler's 'cautious conservationism', coupled with Douglas Jones' victory over Peter Casey in the Presidential Election, ultimately proved the winning formula; Fowler becoming the first Unionist Speaker of the HoR since 1989, and Jones the Party's first president since 1969. Sidney Costello on the other hand, his speaker candidacy shaken by the unexpected third-place showing of Warren McCarthy in the presidential election's first round nevertheless managed to oversee a sharp increase of seats for his Socialist Party; Americans having seemingly overcome the trauma of the Third Mexican-American War.
Amongst the third parties, the greatest showing was that of the stalwart Unionist ally, the National Conservatives; the long-time leader Patricia Franken overseeing her party attain it's highest seat total it's history. Meanwhile, the two lesser left-wing parties (the Progressives and the Democrats) lost several seats amidst the resurgence of the Socialists; the Country Union and the States' Rights Party being on the receiving end of the Unionist surge, whilst the recently-formed Liberal Party gained several seats thanks to the sharp thinking of it's founder Kevin Massive (who ran candidates only in districts which he believed they had the chance to win).
Ultimately, despite not receiving a majority of seats, the Unionist Party (together with their National Conservative allies) managed to form in late-2000 a Majority Caucus in the HoR thanks to the efforts of both Carrie Fowler, Douglas Jones, and Majority Leader Jim Goss; the Country Union, Liberal, New Republican, and Independent parties joining them in forming legislative government. Meanwhile, the Socialists under Sidney Costello ultimately managed to form an official opposition to Fowler and his right-wing compact; the Socialists being joined by the Progressive and Democratic parties, as well as the newly-formed People's Labour Party, in establishing the HoR's Minority Caucus in early-2001 after much deliberation - the remaining independent and partisan representatives (including those from the mortally wounded Reform Party) forming the Crossbench.
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