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stories:englishman

Englishman

The all-English superhero. Invented by MrP and P Minor. Englishman is a suave, debonair figure who nonetheless also embodies the dark side of the Empire, including being involved in many shady operations to do with laundering drugs and supporting African coups and slavery. He lives in a large mansion, the 'Englishmansion' in upstate New York, USA (moving to the 'English Castle' in Beverley Hills, Los Angeles at the start of Series 2). He drives a powerful Bentley which he refers to, oblivious of any negative connotations, as the 'Bentmobile'.

Englishman's sidekick is Welshman, who acts as his straight man, but due to an in-joke, Welshman is occasionally switched for Scotsman and back again with no explanation. He also at one point had 'Colonial Man' as a temporary stand in sidekick - Colonial Man changed his appearance to fit a different British colony every time the camera changed angle.

Englishman's chief foes are a surviving (and possibly immortal) Hitler and a counterpart named Frenchman. He also takes on other enemies, including the UN, the drugs trade, and many more. In fact, many episodes are titled 'Englishman VS. …..'

The humour in Englishman is very British, often deadpan and based on political satire, and also on visual jokes and Englishman being oblivious of events in a way quite reminiscent of Leslie Nielsen films. Englishman has parodied many films and series, often in the same episode. There is always an English spin put on things, for example a Star Wars parody in which Englishman flies an 'X-Spitfire'.

The second season has just begun…

Englishman was spoofed as a James Bond-style character in Chris's novel 'Disunited States.'


The "Englishworld"

The Englishworld, as P and P minor have dubbed the universe in which Englishman's adventures take place, at first glance appears to be OTL but has certain subtle differences. For example, the United States is secretly still run by the British Empire, thanks to a classified agreement with George Washington at the nation's founding. It is implied that the modern UK is, in fact, not part of the British Empire (which also includes Canada, Australia and so forth) and is fundamentally un-British in character.

There is a state called Hitleria in South America (Brazil/Argentina area) which is the ultimate exaggeration of all 'Nazis run away to South America' stories. The Nazis in the Englishworld also have access to all conspiracy-theorist mythical Nazi stuff, such as a moonbase and a hidden gold hoard. Englishman is Hitler's number one enemy (number two is hip hop group The Black Eyed Peas).

Cartoon physics are employed for humour, and a lot of vaguely steampunk technology is used on account of coolness (for example, Englishman has what appears to be a normal fax machine, but is actually an 'automatic telegraph machine' which delivers telegrams on folded parchment and sealed with wax).

Parodies and satire

Public figures, especially politicians, are commonly parodied, often in different forms to reflect current events. For example, Tony Blair was originally referred to as the spoonerised 'Blony Tair', but has since been depicted in several different forms - most recently, he and Gordon Brown are presented as the hybrid Nazi/Stasi totalitarian Fuehrer Blair and Kanzler Bruen.

George Galloway often features, originally as 'Gall Georgeaway' and more recently as 'Georgy G', an amalgam of the politician and Ali G. He leads the 'Respect the War Coalition' political party.

The leadership of Iran have been parodied, with President Ahmadinejad becoming Armoured Dinner Jacket (now an oft-copied phrase among the mainstream media) or Ahmadarlinclementine, nuclear negotiator Larinjani becoming Laryngitis, and Ayatollah Khomeini being Wile E. Khomeini.

Comically exaggerated France-bashing is often featured, particularly in the scenes involving the UN.


Dramatis Personae

Englishman: Eponymous hero. Oblivious, ignorant, bigoted and cruel, he is the consummate defender of English values. For unexplained reasons, he is also apparently almost immune to being shot, stabbed, poisoned or in any way significantly harmed.

Welshman: Englishman's sidekick. According to backstory notes, not actually Welsh - Englishman recruited him and then named him. Essentially a straight man at first, he later evolved into a more complex character. Welshman also has a small pet dragon, which is called upon whenever the team need light or to burn into a safe.

Scotsman: Inexplicably sometimes substitutes for Welshman, usually when Englishman requires some sort of item other than Welshman's dragon. Never says anything other than 'Och aye the noo'.

Colonialman: Emergency backup sidekick of Englishman, whose appearance continually changes to reflect different colonies of the Empire.

Englishman Senior: Due to the magic of Inconsistency, Englishman's father has appeared both as an explorer and as a noted diamond thief.

Lord Welshman/Scotsman: Welshman/Scotsman's father has appeared in one or two episodes, despite also having died on a WW1 battlefield after telling Englishman not to look after young Welshman under any circumstances (E'man unaccountably misheard the word 'not').

Adolf Hitler: Fuhrer of Nazi Germany, currently aged 119. Probably Englishman's most persistent foe. Speaks VIZ EXAGGERATED GERMAN AKZENT, JA?

Frenchman: Englishman's French counterpart and nemesis, obsessed with stealing landmarks.

Quasimodo: Frenchman's sidekick, the counterpart of Welshman.

Blony Tair: Fuhrer of the British Reich. Or General Secretary of the British Union, depending on which episode it is.

Abraham Lincoln: Sometime President of the USA.

Sir Isaac Newton: Inexplicably alive, apple-obsessed scientist who designs most of Englishman's gadgets and provides scientific commentary.

Mahmoud Armoured Dinner Jacket (or Ahmadarlinclementine): Leader of Iran.


List of Englishman episodes

The naming scheme may have originally made sense, but the logic behind it is somewhere at the bottom of one of MrP's bottles of scotch.

Episode H1: We are introduced to Englishman, Scots/Welshman and Hitler.

Episode F1: Frenchman and Quasimodo steal English landmarks.

Episode H2: Englishman and Welshman fight Nazi pirates in the Caribbean.

Episode H4: Hitler kidnaps the butlers of the English aristocracy, paralysing the world.

Episode F2 - Theft of the Crown Jewels: Frenchman steals the Crown Jewels.

Episode VII - Englishman vs. the Mayor of New York, the UN and African Civil War: We learn that Englishman lives in New York. He single-handedly ends all African wars in a day for the UN, but is forced to put everything back how it was when the world economy collapses from the lack of arms deals.

Episode T1 – Englishman vs The 18th Dynasty: We are introduced to Tutankhamun, another recurring enemy of Englishman.

Episode M1 – The Breakout Episode: Hitler and Frenchman team up to fight Englishman.

Episode M1 - Englishman versus The Mob: Englishman saves the world's supply of tea from the Mob.

Episode M4 – Englishman vs. Global Warming The Alien Invasion: (Changed as Global Warming was not a sufficiently urgent and exciting threat). Englishman encounters some aliens who return Elvis and Abe Lincoln to Earth after being abducted years before. Lincoln becomes President of the USA again.

Episode H6 - Englishman vs. Moonbase Hitler: Hitler has turned the moon into a Death Moon. Englishman must fly an X-Spitfire from the British Star Destroyer HMS Doom Wielder in order to defeat him. (The title, but not the plot, was probably inspired by the character of Moonbase Hitler in Weebl's On The Moon cartoons).

Episode H7 - Englishman vs. Time travel: Hitler time travels to the 19th century, but Englishman and Welshman follow in a 19th-century version of the Back to the Future DeLorean, which time travels whenever it reaches 8.8 mph…

Episode H8 – Englishman vs. The Annual Black Music Awards Ceremony: Englishman foils Hitler's plot to blow up the BMAs; in the process we learn that Hitler's No.2 foes after Englishman are hip hop group The Black Eyed Peas.

Episode M5 - Englishman vs. Crystal Meth and the World-wide Drugs Trade: Englishman takes on the international drugs trade, which is masterminded by two women named Crystal Meth and Mary Jane.

Episode O1 - Englishman vs. The Hypocrisy of Islamic Fundamentalists: While attempting to tunnel to Australia, Englishman comes up in Guantanamo Bay and accidentally lets all the prisoners escape. For this he is commended by the leaders of Iran - Ayatollah Wile E. Khamenei, Ali Laryngitis and Mahmoud Armoured Dinner Jacket. Features cameo appearance by Leo Caesius as 'oppressed American academic'.

Episode H9 - Englishman vs. The Fabled Lost City of Nazi Gold: Englishman and Welshman search for the mysterious cities of gold in the jungles of Hitleria.

Episode O2 - Englishman vs. The Foreign Menace: Englishman travels to Afghanistan, while Frenchman steals back the Statue of Liberty from the Americans.

Episode M6 - Englishman vs. The Mob Again: The 'Englishman' show is in danger of being cancelled by its American producers, but Englishman gets the ratings he needs by taking on the Mafia and becoming its head, then using that influence…

Episode B1 - Englishman vs. ‘The Butler’: Englishman fights a new super-villain who bears a strange resemblance to his own butler. Colonialman fills in for Welshman in the second half of the episode.

Episode M2 - Englishman in Miami Weiss: Englishman reminisces about his ancestors and all the people they had killed. He fails to stop a bomb blowing up the White House. We learn that the house was actually empty, as Bill Clintstone was out before handing over to Lincoln.

Englishman - The Movie: A parody of The Blues Brothers, with Englishman and Welshman in the title roles.

Series 2 Episode 1: The Axis of Weevils: A combined parody of Die Another Day and Casino Royale, featuring Jim Conger Eel (aka 'Le Chiffe'), the dictator of North Koreel (capital Pyingpong).

Englishman and the Axis of Amish Fundamentalism: Englishman and Welshman move to Los Angeles. Englishman confronts Amish suicide bombers equipped with jackets consisting of logs with a sundial attached to the front.

Englishman’ll Fix It: Englishman 'fixes' it for some kids, in an alarming way. Based on his father's notes, he and Welshman find yet another lost city of gold in Hitleria.

Episode H10 - Englishman vs. Der Reichsfuhrer: Englishman fights militant anti-Nazis who are virtually indistinguishable from the Nazis themselves.

Episode S2EP6 – Englishman and the Iran Affair a.k.a. The Great Surrender: Accompanied by a comic book storyboard version. A combination of The Great Escape with the concurrent events of the Iran Hostage Crisis of 2007. Englishman is captured by the Iranians (under President Ahmadarlinclementine) along with the crew of a Royal Navy patrol boat, but masterminds an escape.

Episode S2E7(M7) - Englishman vs. China: Fed up with Chinese knockoff goods, Englishman goes to China (via Russia, where President Putout attempts to poison him) and demands reparations. He gets them, along with a King Kong-sized panda thrown into the deal.

Episode S2E8 (T2) - Englishman in…THE HAUNTENING: Englishman fights Tutankhamun, who is now a televangelist.

Episode S2E5 – Englishman and the World’s Biggest Diamond: Englishman's father, a diamond thief, is in jail. Englishman and Welshman infiltrate the jail to rescue him, but keep getting thrown out by the long-suffering governor.

Englishman vs Christmas - 2005 Christmas special, broadcast in midsummer 2007. Frenchman runs over Santa in his sleigh. The children of the world all get tangerines and coal, as Englishman steals the presents and re-sells them from his EnglishMart superstore.

Episode S2E9 - Englishman vs the Evolutionists - A Jurassic Park parody featuring many spoonerised celebrities.

Episode S2E10 - Englishman vs President Hitler - Hitler kidnaps the President in a bid to replace him. Fortunately, Englishman is a bad enough dude to rescue the President.

Englishman Special (Christmas 2) Weekend at Mernie’s - The first episode after a long hiatus, mainly about the financial crisis of 2008, which (of course) was caused by Englishman standing in for the deceased “Mernie Badoff”.


stories/englishman.txt · Last modified: 2019/03/29 15:14 (external edit)