The Dogbert Classical Neoliberalservatarian Party
VISION: An AH.Com that promotes intellectual enrichment and creative pursuits by maximizing invididual liberty, as part of the wider global socio-economic community.
AGGRESSIVE GLOBALIZATION Here at DCNP, we know that warfare is the best kind of welfare. By toppling anti-market governments, we will simeltaneously open up new job opportunities and create a competitive, dynamic labor market, along with expanding the benefits of Capitalism elsewhere! And when oppressive governments aren't in the way, the DCNP will promote peaceful solutions for the integration of the global economic community under a free market.
LIBERTY FOR HUMANS We do not believe that zombies and furries deserve 'human' rights. Well, one isn't human anymore and the other claims not to be, so how could they? The DCNP will maximize liberty by having a government that's only function is promoting security, thus allowing AH.Commers to enjoy the hedonistic lifestyle they so crave.
DEFENSE OF HUMANKIND Some people think that zombies should be allowed to roam free, but humans shouldn't be allowed to pack heat, or if they do, they have to have their weapons registered and controlled by a pro-zombie government. Using the theories of Zombologist Max Brooks, we will institute the Ministry of Homepage Defense and Security, and we promise the first thing we'll do is make sure every human has the proper equipment to defend themselves from zombicommie attacks, no matter their class, race, or creed.
DOGBERT Dogbert has inspired our party to have a forward thinking and forward moving system for sustainable economic and environmental growth. Also, he is a talking animal, making him some kind of demigod who should be respected. But we will not force Dogbertism on anyone.
KILLBOT DEFENSE Killbots want to evict humanity from their rightful property on Earth and force them to live in space. If elected, the DCNP will institue a world-class, high tech defense system for AH.Com, including enhanced EMP nuclear weapons, and giant DU reinforced cardboard tubes that will be launched at noncompliant hostiles (as per Dogbert's beliefs).
BOARD POLICIES: MAXIMUM LIBERTY: We here at the DCNP promise to keep forum government off your backs, and allow you to exercise your Ian-given rights, so long as they do not violate those of others.
N00BS AND OTHER FORUM 'CLASSES': They deserve the same rights as anyone else. The DCNP will be 'n00b' blind and not look at someone's forum age or post count, but their actions, and we promise to seek the kicking/banning of anyone who violates the forum rights of others by being a troll or a flamer.
GODMODDING: We support the rights of people to use whatever weapons they want in silly contests, so long as they do not flame, troll, etc. For those who don't like it, we support the right to ignore another poster.
INNUENDO: We don't care about it, as long as it doesn't reach levels that would require say, a lawsuit or a restraining order. We do support the right to complain about unwanted innuendo, though.
ECONOMICS: We want the basic units of forum commerce (posts) to remain in the hands of individual users, not mandatory organizations or in the hands of forum government. All forum interaction will be voluntary and unfestered by the forum government.
A vote for the DCNP is a vote for keeping the forum government out of your hair and zombies under the dirt. Make the right choice and defend liberty.
-Blochead, DCNP Chief Executive