Rumsfeldia: Fear and Loathing in the Decade of Tears

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The Fluffywolf

...Was that a reference to The Boys?

"A figure moved in the distance: LJ saw the distinctive shape of an AK rifle in his hands. The Marine dropped into a crouch and tried to pick the Cuban off with his new M-20 improved rifle. But it jammed."
And that's why you don't make contracts with Vought-American. I'd laugh if these failures weren't so sad, and cry if they weren't so funny.
 

Spengler

Banned
LL Cool J and Nic Cage kill the corrupt dictatorial president. I'd watch that movie. All you have to do to make this more awesome is have Harrison Ford be there commanding officer.
 
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Indicus

Indicus

Just...just wow. Rumsfeld just made Vietnam look like a minor skirmish. It looks like a Christian Values coup is inevitable.
 
Jonathan Edelstein

Jonathan Edelstein

DValdron said:
One thing that's become clear is that in the rush to privatization and outsourcing, there's been no testing or vetting process, no accountability.
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Well, of course not. Imprimis, big business is Rummy's only remaining base, so he doesn't dare piss off the contractors. Secundus, they're his buddies. And tertius, he's drunk enough of his own Kool-Aid at this point to believe that anything produced by the private sector will be efficient and effective because it's produced by the private sector. Who needs accountability when you've got free-enterprise fairy dust?

Rummy will have to turn against the contractors now, though, because if they don't take the blame for the Cuba fiasco, he will. If he gives the generals the profiteers' heads on a platter, then he might be able to postpone the inevitable for a few more months. If not, the only question will be whether he's overthrown by the military, the Christian Values people or both.
 

The Fluffywolf

Jonathan Edelstein said:
Well, of course not. Imprimis, big business is Rummy's only remaining base, so he doesn't dare piss off the contractors. Secundus, they're his buddies. And tertius, he's drunk enough of his own Kool-Aid at this point to believe that anything produced by the private sector will be efficient and effective because it's produced by the private sector. Who needs accountability when you've got free-enterprise fairy dust?

Rummy will have to turn against the contractors now, though, because if they don't take the blame for the Cuba fiasco, he will. If he gives the generals the profiteers' heads on a platter, then he might be able to postpone the inevitable for a few more months. If not, the only question will be whether he's overthrown by the military, the Christian Values people or both.
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If (or when) he turns against the contractors, there'll be hell to pay. Like you said, that's the only base he has, and he's burned all his bridges. The American people are displeased, the...
wait.
A thought occurs.
I think I remember that Drew said that Rummy would be the architect of his own downfall. And considering what David Ritz said about a religiously inspired aide shooting him, well... I think this is gonna get really bad really soon. Besides, if this clusterfuck of all clusterfucks isn't the start of a downfall, I don't want to know the even more terrible things he could do that would start one.
 

EternalCynic

Kovalenko said:

How are Cuban planes leaving the country if the Americans are all over the place? Has the entire air force accidentally blown itself out of the sky? If so I wouldn't be entirely surprised.
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Maybe so many American planes were not operationally ready (e.g. fuel being siphoned off, spare parts not available, maintenance deferred, etc) that only a handful of planes flew anywhere near Cuba - thus making it safe for civil aviation. ;)
 
Tom Colton

Tom Colton

Orville_third said:
He is a pilot, after all.
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Well, about that...

harrison-ford-inline.jpg
 
Miss Teri

Miss Teri

It is somewhat said to see what was once one of the most powerful militaries in the world reduced to this deplorable state. It's also hilarious to see the long awaited Cuban invasion to go completely wrong.
 
shiftygiant

shiftygiant

Gone Fishin'
fjihr said:
Yeah, it looks like Rumsfeld is done for.

He'll probably blame it on the remnants of the Democrats.
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Whilst being dragged out to be shot following his kangaroo trial, his lasts words are: "Why are you doing this to me?! It's all Cheney and his Democratic Cronies! Am I the only one who can see this? Am I the only one here who isn't crazy!?"
 

The Fluffywolf

shiftygiant said:
Whilst being dragged out to be shot following his kangaroo trial, his lasts words are: "Why are you doing this to me?! It's all Cheney and his Democratic Cronies! Am I the only one who can see this? Am I the only one here who isn't crazy!?"
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If he's not assassinated, anyway.
Questerr said:
I don't remember seeing the post where it is described, but what is an "M20"? Is it based on a real world design?
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I don't think it was described anywhere. But, given that its abject failure reminds me of the M20 rifle from The Boys by Garth Ennis, which had a similar theme of war profiteers caring nothing for the troops, it's best to assume the M20 looks like a British SA80. But shittier.
 

David Ritz

Come to think of it, in this alternate world there will likely be a great academic dispute on when exactly the Cold War ended. The reason being that the definition of "Cold War" will be in dispute. The Cold War is no longer a competition and dispute between the competing ideologies of capitalist democracy and communism. Both the United States and the Soviet Union have effectively abandoned their ideologies and it is now merely a contest between nations rather than ideologies. The United States is certainly capitalist but certainly not a democracy. The USSR is transitioning to a form of state capitalism. Meanwhile, Western Europe has become a de facto non-aligned movement

Some will say the Cold War ended when NATO fell apart. Many will say it ended when Rumsfeldia will (likely) fall apart. In fact, many will say that it never ended so much as transitioned from a competition between ideologies to a competition between nations. After all, Japan (and possibly Germany) will likely take the reigns of the leader of the capitalist world.

I think a cool method of presenting the next update is to do it in the form of a BBC News report on Rumsfeld's assassination by a religiously-inspired general. It would add interesting drama to this TL to have a reporter go over the story of Rumsfeld's life while speculating what will happen in the Denton period (there is a Youtube video of a similar BBC report on Indira Gandhi's assassination).
 
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EternalCynic

Dr. Strangelove said:
Rumsfeld had it all thought out, folks.

The military is going to try a coup, but it will fail since all their weapons will jam.
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Or maybe Rummy believes the reports of the disaster in Cuba are all lies manufactured by his socialist enemies, and that actually the operation is succeding. Who else would claim that the mighty US military is being decimated by far smaller and less advanced commies?

Seeing how he has become so out of touch, his advisors hatch a plan to tell him that, in fact, the war went so well that Fidel has invited Rummy to Havana to surrender. He boards Air Force One. It then heads straight to Fort Leavenworth.
 
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