Lands of Red and Gold Interlude #16: Minutes Take Hours
Another of the Christmas specials. Usual caveats apply about not to be taken too seriously.
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Interreligious Interfaith Intercreed Seasonal Festivities Planning Committee of New London
Minutes of Inaugural Meeting
1 December 2018, 11:00 – 11:46
Cavendish Football & Wellbeing Complex, Field G
In Attendance
Ms Emily Dawson (CHAIR), Borough Social Planning Director (No Affiliation)
Mr Clive Pompus-Maximus, Personal Secretary to Secretary of Bishop of New London (Roman Catholic)
Mr Reginald Bailey, Special Assistant to the Assistant to Bishop of New London (Anglican Church of Alleghania)
Mr Arthur McGowland, Adviser-Without-Portfolio to Synod of Southern Alleghania (Lutheran)
Mr Keith Dawson (no relation), Personal Representative of Secretary to Bishop of the Eparchy of Cavendia (Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia)
Mrs Luella Dawson (no relation and wife, respectively), “Oh, You’ll Do” to Coordinator for the Chair of the Eastern Convention (Baptist)
Ms Rayne Dawson (no relation, daughter and daughter, respectively), I Met the Son of the Lord Moderator of the General Assembly in a Pub Once (Presbyterian Church in Eastern North America)
Mr Saleem El-Mouelhy, Volunteer Temporary Adviser to Registrar of Alleghanian Federation of Islamic Councils (Muslim)
Dr Manish Gupta, Founder, President, Executive Officer, Treasurer and Minutes Secretary of the East Indian Dharmic Society (Hindu)
Mr Andrew Dawson (son, no relation, no relation and no relation, respectively), Once Spent Three Weeks Interning at the Secular Humanist Foundation of Cavendia (Agnostic Atheist)
Ms Ottilie Dawson (no relation, daughter, daughter, sister and no relation, respectively), Unconfirmed Spokesperson for the Alleghanian Buddhist Association (Sure, I’ll be Buddhist for Today if You Need to Tick that Box)
Mr Gumaring Anedeli, Second Cousin Once Removed On My Mother’s Side to the Eldest of the Alleghanian Harmony (United Gunnagal Plirism)
Ms Pearl Dawson (daughter, no relation, no relation, no relation, sister and no relation, respectively), Administrator of Borough Social Planning Directorate (MINUTES)
Apologies
Dr Rivka Goldfarb, Chief Executive of the New London Jewish Federation (Jewish) – Apology received by email on 28 November (You Realise That the 1st is a Saturday?)
Mr Determination Anderson, External Relations Spokesperson for the Congxie Spiritual Council (Traditional Congxie Plirism) – Apology received by telephone on 29 November (I’m Not Showing Up Unless You Agree to Remove All References to Christmas for All Committee Publications)
Ms Gloire Mufatta, Coordinator for the New Congxie Spiritual Council (Reformed Congxie Plirism) – Apology received by telephone on 28 November (I’m Not Attending Unless You Promise to Withdraw the Invitation for the Representative of the Old Spiritual Council)
Item 1: Welcome, Introduction & Apologies
Ms E DAWSON welcomed all to the 3rd Meeting of the Interreligious Seasonal Festivities Planning Committee.
Mr A DAWSON objected to the term Interreligious, noting that those he represented did not follow any religion.
Ms E DAWSON welcomed all to the 1st Meeting of the Interfaith Seasonal Festivities Planning Committee.
Mr A DAWSON objected to the term Interfaith, noting that those he represented did not adhere to any faith.
Ms E DAWSON welcomed all to the 1st Meeting of the Intercreed Seasonal Festivities Planning Committee.
Mr A DAWSON noted that his objection still stood.
Ms E DAWSON noted that Mr A DAWSON had spent too much time listening to his father.
Mr POMPUS-MAXIMUS sought clarification whether Intercreed was a word.
Ms E DAWSON stated that she did not have a dictionary to hand.
Ms P DAWSON offered to access an online dictionary via her mobile phone.
Ms E DAWSON advised Ms P DAWSON not to adopt her brother’s smart-arse attitude, and welcomed all to the 1st Meeting of the Seasonal Festivities Planning Committee.
Members introduced themselves and apologies were noted.
Item 2: Minutes of Previous Meeting
Members reviewed the minutes of the previous meeting.
Mr A DAWSON objected to the previous minutes on the grounds that this was the first meeting of the Seasonal Festivities Planning Committee, and so there could not be any previous minutes.
Ms E DAWSON cautioned Mr A DAWSON that he was only here because his mother had custody of him this weekend while his father was off bonking his new girlfriend in the Bahamas, so he could take his objections and shove them up his arse, and moreover to call her the CHAIR while the Committee was in session, and Pearl there’s no need to minute that.
Mr A DAWSON stated that he maintained his objection, and frank discussion followed between him and the CHAIR.
Mr EL-MOUELHY moved that the question of acceptance of the previous minutes should be put up for resolution.
The CHAIR seconded the motion and the question was put to the Committee.
Committee members approved the motion to accept the minutes of the previous meeting by an 11-1 majority, with one abstention because the MINUTES-keeper has to live with her brother sometimes.
Item 3: Outstanding Actions
Action 1: Reminder of Role of Committee – the CHAIR reiterated that the purpose of the Committee was community consultation, to ensure that the Borough was informed of diverse viewpoints within the New London community, and that votes from the Committee were advisory only and not binding on the Social Planning Directorate or the Borough as a whole – Action ONGOING.
Action 4: Facilities for Committee Meetings – Mr K DAWSON, who reminded the Committee that he is no relation, requested an update on his previous suggestion that the CHAIR seek an alternative, preferably indoor venue for future Committee meetings.
The CHAIR advised that this location is where Ms P DAWSON has football games on every Saturday afternoon at 1pm, and therefore this location was convenient for both the CHAIR and the MINUTES-keeper, and furthermore allowed the CHAIR to claim the mileage to and from football as a work-related tax deduction. However, the CHAIR would be prepared to consider an alternative meeting location once the football season is over – Action DEFERRED TO 22 DECEMBER.
Action 5: Timing of Committee Meetings – Mr K DAWSON, who again reminded the Committee that he is no relation, requested an update on his previous suggestion that the CHAIR explore the feasibility of conducting future Committee meetings on weekdays, as this would be more convenient for the majority of Committee members. The CHAIR referred members to her response to the previous action item – Action DEFERRED TO 22 DECEMBER.
Action 7: Non-Religious Community Representation on the Committee – the CHAIR commented that however irritating Mr A DAWSON could be, he was a genuinely non-religious pain in the arse – Action CLOSED.
Item 4: Borough Involvement in Christmas Planning
The CHAIR invited Committee members to share community views on what investment the Borough should make in supporting Christmas celebrations.
Mr EL-MOUELHY stated that he had no objections to the Christian population of New London celebrating Christmas as they saw fit, but that on behalf of the Muslim population of New London-
At that point, Mr MCGOWLAND interjected and asked if, for clarity, Mr EL-MOUELHY had spoken to the other Muslim member of the population of New London before he presumed to speak for the entire population.
Mr EL-MOUELHY stated that he and his wife were of one accord over this matter. He added that the Muslim population of New London welcomed the Christian population of the city conducting whatever private Christmas celebrations they wished, but that the Muslims of New London unanimously rejected any suggestion that public funds should be used to fund any religious celebration.
Mr K DAWSON stated that the Orthodox population of New London welcomed Borough assistance in community Christmas celebrations, but that to ensure equal treatment of religions, the Borough would have to allocate equal funding to celebrations on the Catholic-Protestant date for Christmas and the correct, Orthodox date.
Mr BAILEY commented that if the Orthodox Church could not get their calendar right to align with the seasons, that was their problem, but not an excuse for the Borough to waste public funds supporting their mistake.
Discussions were briefly adjourned while Mr MCGOWLAND assisted Mr BAILEY to locate two missing teeth, and Mr K DAWSON located an icepack for his right hand.
The CHAIR excused Mr BAILEY from further participation in discussion of Item 4 while he sought medical attention to re-attach his teeth.
Dr GUPTA stated that he supported the position of Mr EL-MOUELHY that Christmas celebrations were entirely welcome for Christians, but that it was unreasonable to expect that taxpayer’s funds should be expended to support religious celebrations.
Mr POMPUS-MAXIMUS asked it if was necessary to fight the War on Christmas every year.
Dr GUPTA commented that however robust the Committee’s discussions might be, they could not be characterised as a war, or even as a skirmish, recent dental-related matters notwithstanding.
Mr MCGOWLAND noted that since the East Indian Dharmic Society is a not-for-profit organisation, Dr GUPTA did not pay any Borough taxes.
Dr GUPTA stated that he found such remarks offensive, and that in any event he spoke on behalf of the entire Hindu community, not for himself.
Mr POMPUS-MAXIMUS asked Dr GUPTA if his Society was so representative of the Hindu community, why he personally held every position of note in the Society, rather than seeking the participation of other prominent Hindus of New London.
Dr GUPTA asked Mr POMPUS-MAXIMUS why the Committee should consider the input of someone who had only been sent here as the assistant to an assistant, which was indicative of the value that the Bishop placed on this Committee’s deliberations, and that if he (that is, Mr POMPUS-MAXIMUS) wished to join the Society, the position of General Dogsbody was still vacant.
The CHAIR thanked the Committee for the full and frank exchange of views, and extended specific thanks to Mr A DAWSON and Mr ANEDELI for pulling apart Mr POMPUS-MAXIMUS and Dr GUPTA.
The CHAIR sought any comment on this agenda item on behalf of the Buddhist population of New London. Ms O DAWSON stated that she was not sure, and would need to meditate on it.
The CHAIR sought any comment on this agenda item on behalf of the Plirite population of New London.
Mr ANEDELI stated that the Committee had already seen enough vigorous discussion without needing to revisit the well-known Plirite perspective on the Christian celebration of Christmas, and moved a motion that the meeting should proceed to the next agenda item, since he was only attending this Committee as a favour to his second cousin once removed on his mother’s side, and had better things to do with his weekend than waste time on a show of community consultation when the CHAIR would make up her own mind anyway.
Mr A DAWSON seconded the motion.
Committee members approved the motion to proceed to discussion of the next agenda item by a 10-1 majority, with one abstention because the MINUTES-keeper has to live with her mother most of the time.
Item 5: Borough Involvement in New Year Planning
The CHAIR invited Committee members to share community views on what investment the Borough should make in supporting New Year celebrations.
Dr GUPTA stated that it would be more inclusive of the community of New London as a whole if the Borough funded New Year rather than Christmas celebrations.
Mr EL-MOUELHY, Mr A DAWSON and Mr ANEDELI expressed support for Dr GUPTA’s observation.
Mr K DAWSON reminded Ms O DAWSON that she was here to represent Buddhists today, and that therefore she should also express support for this perspective.
Ms O DAWSON stated that she had not met enough Buddhists to comment.
Mrs L DAWSON stated that Ms O DAWSON’s father, Mr K DAWSON, was more familiar with Buddhist thought since he had spoken to a monk once while waiting for a bus. She therefore moved a motion that for the balance of the meeting, Ms O DAWSON and Mr K DAWSON exchange roles and represent the Bishop of the Eparchy of Cavendia and Alleghanian Buddhist Association respectively.
Mr K DAWSON seconded the motion.
The Committee unanimously approved the motion.
Mr K DAWSON expressed support for Dr GUPTA’s previous observation.
Ms O DAWSON stated that there was no need for such antipathy toward the Christian community of New London.
Mr MCGOWLAND sought clarification about what scale of investment the Borough was presently considering for New Year celebrations.
The CHAIR stated that there were not any remaining Borough funds as all monies had all been allocated to Christmas celebrations.
Multiple Committee members made deprecating remarks about the CHAIR which the MINUTES-keeper was not able to clearly record due to the number of people speaking at once.
The CHAIR stated that there was no need for such language, and reminded the Committee of the need to treat all members with respect at all times.
Mr A DAWSON enquired why everyone’s time was being wasted when the decision had already been made.
The CHAIR stated that the Social Planning Directorate’s charter required community consultation about seasonal festivities, but did not specify whether this consultation should take place before or after making a decision.
Mr EL-MOUELHY moved a motion that the meeting be closed immediately so that members could get on with their weekend.
Dr GUPTA seconded the motion.
The vote for the motion was 10-2 in favour.
The CHAIR stated that the motion was invalid under Committee procedures because the agenda had not been completed.
Dr GUPTA stated that he would rather wrestle an alligator naked than spend another minute listening to this bureaucratic gobbledegook, and made an unauthorised exit from the Committee meeting.
Mr MCGOWLAND, Mr K DAWSON, Mrs L DAWSON, Ms O DAWSON, Ms R DAWSON, Mr POMPUS-MAXIMUS, Mr A DAWSON, Mr ANEDELI and Mr EL-MOUELHY followed Dr GUPTA in the unauthorised exit.
The CHAIR moved a motion that discussion move on to the next item. The MINUTES-keeper seconded the motion.
The motion was unanimously passed.
Item 6: General Business
The CHAIR opened discussion to general business.
Ms P DAWSON asked if she should leave the meeting early and go find where Mr A DAWSON had run off to.
The CHAIR stated that this was not necessary, as the little sod (i.e. Mr A DAWSON) would turn up again soon looking for lunch money, since he was too stingy to use the money his father gave him.
Noting that there was no other general business, the CHAIR formally closed the meeting.
