“Another Splendid Mess You Got Us Into, Teddy!”

[Driftless]

To be honest, I think there is some theater I can play with that incident.

Reading the Wainwright bio and his sometimes theatrical responses made me think of the lines from the "Patton" movie:

Lt. Col. Charles R. Codman: You know General, sometimes the men don't know when you're acting.

Patton: It's not important for them to know. It's only important for me to know.

To be fair to Wainwright, he was the product of an era and a family where that type of rousing inspiration was expected of leaders.

 

[McPherson]

The apparatus atop the tripod foremast fitted to the USS Minneapolis, rotated to follow the cross-bearing target, as in presenting a course that was tangent to the circle the apparatus created at its endpoints as the boom portion of it so rotated. Bradley A. Fiske was not the man at the apparatus’ superimpositor. That honor went to ASM2C Hathaway Jones, who had the strong eyesight and the stubborn endurance to man the post during this demonstration exercise. The exercise was by “invitation only” and featured a select group of notables.

• Theodore Roosevelt​

• Hilary A. Herbert​

• William Sampson​

• Winfield Scott Schley​

• Francis M. Ramsay​

• Charles Sigsbee​

• Richard Wainwright​

• Francis A. Cook​

And from the Army, because there were a few science-minded soldiers among the horse troopers and Apache chasers;

• Leonard Wood​

• Nelson A. Miles​

• Wesley Merritt​

• William Shafter​

And just to keep everyone with the purse strings in the loop, who would have to approve the money needed for the fleet; if this cross-hair hare-brained experiment worked, there were a couple of Congress-cretins as observers.

• Joseph Wheeler​

• Benjamin Tillman​

Two featured observers were not aboard the USS Minneapolis. Messrs. Alfred Thayer Mahan and Philo McGiffin had the dubious honor of being aboard the USS Choctaw. The tugboat was not the target. That was a floating catamaran of dubious construction, with a large 10 meter by 10 meter slat-board timber frame conglomeration of Maryland local lumber sloppily nailed together and hopefully not expected to survive the current experiment. The “victim”, which was supposed to simulate a British Royal Sovereign class battleship aim point, by LTCDR Fiske’s calculations, was about 200 meters astern, of the USS Choctaw by floating tow-line length being pulled along at 3 m/s or about 5.8 knots.

The USS Minneapolis hoped to hit the target sled and miss the USS Choctaw by that same towline distance length. Previous experiments, which LTCDR Fiske had been most careful to omit in his reports, had results in which the tow ship, the unfortunate USS Wicomico had been thoroughly and repeatedly line-shot by mistake and sunk, because the idiot at the superimpositor placed the progress-intended-motion (PIM) bar in the aiming reticle on the tow ship instead of the sled. If there was ever system-proof-positive that human error was the reason that the USN resisted innovation with extreme caution and was justified to so do, the loss of the USS Wicomico provided the needed latest evidence.

The experiment was under hopefully more rigorous rigidly controlled conditions. ASM2C Hathaway Jones was thoroughly trained, as the aiming rate, in the proper procedures. The tracking party, led by Fiske personally, was prepared to quadruple check each angle solution and there was ASM1C Carter Powell on the fly bridge with a Bell handset wired into the ship's intercom system, he to watch the results through a specially mounted telescope and who was supposed to look at each salvoed war-shot's results and yell on the telephone to "Cease fire!" ; if a salvo-out did a repeat performance of the USS Wicomico upon the USS Choctaw.

At 1100 hours the USS Minneapolis and the USS Choctaw assumed parallel courses in the middle of Chesapeake Bay at speeds of 5 m/s at the ridiculous separation range of 4,000 meters. The shoot-ex was on. First shots out, were discharged at 1103 hours local time.

Over 200 meters off target, it was by ASM2C Hathaway Jones’ estimate and that result was confirmed by ASM1C Carter Powell and it was 3/10s mill of the angle solution astern. So.... adjust the angle of barrel elevation one crank on the elevation gear in the 15 cm gun mounts and make one half hand crank on the bearing or slue gear of the barbette table. Try again.

This salvo was short by 100 meters and 2/10 mills ahead. Fiske said to Hathaway; “Not the tug, you idiot, the sled!”

Hathaway was not too respectful in reply; “The sled is hard to see with the lenses fogging up and that tug is putting out a lot of smoke…, sir.”

“Then aim for the tail end of the smoke, damnit.” Fiske ordered.

“Yes sir… aim for the tail end of the smoke, sir!” was the sarcastic raconteur.
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Mahan glared out with binoculars at the target sled and cursed; “Come on, Fiske, make it good, third time. Too much rides on this test.” Philo McGiffin stood up from where he cowered behind cover on the fantail. Philo turned to Alfred and asked him rather calmly considering he had seen a six shot live shell salvo splash a hundred meters short of the USS Choctaw and lash it with shell splinters; “Why the hell did you volunteer us for this detail, again?”
----------------------------------------------
Third salvo arrived at 1108 hours and it was observed that four of six shells hit the target sled (by accident?) and blew it to splinters and glory. Fiske was a success!

The first comment after the stunned silence from the result, which took a half minute to register, for these were professional men who knew how hard it was for one ship to hit another at 1,000 meters in 1897, much less at a distance of 2 and 1/2 miles (~4,000 meters), was the one Joe Wheeler made to William Shafter. He said; “You better go on a diet, general. Three hundred pounds of you sitting on a horse is not going to cut it in Cuber when we go to war. to take that place, sir!”

Shafter was nonplussed; “What makes you think we are going to war, Congressman?”

Roosevelt interrupted; “Because now we have a chance against the Spaniards. We can outshoot them and sink them.”

Shafter turned to Roosevelt to retort; “Not on land, sir. And that is where we will have to beat them, presuming the navy clears the Spaniards from the seas.”

“One problem at a time, Bill.” Nelson Miles added his own quiet remark. “Solve the navy, first, then the army can figure out how to fix Crozier’s mistakes with the Coffee gun and the Krag. I should have reassigned him to the Dry Tortugas when I had the chance last year.”
--------------------------------------------------
Tillman piped up. “How much is this going to cost us?”

The ever optimistic Fiske lied; “No more than a half million dollars to refit fifty ships, Congressman.”

Sour at the answer; Tillman said, “You mean more like two million dollars and we get twenty five ships' worth?”

Fiske was happy that he had bow-waked, because now he figured that the fire control telemeter would cost more like one million dollars and he counted on Tillman to overestimate as much as he did. If he could get Tillman to cough up a million dollars, he could refit twenty-five ships or one half of the steel navy, with enough left over to at least give the rest of the fleet height finder range-finders. That surely was a clear win for the Navy, was it not? “Agree on one million dollars, Congressman, and we can do twelve ships?”

“The battleships and the armored cruisers, we'll fund, plus whatever protected cruisers we can afford at one million dollars.” offered Tillman.

“Deal.” Fiske and Tillman shook hands on it. Fiske would vigorously wash his hands after the odious and slimy "Pitchfork" Ben Tillman departed with the rest of the suitably impressed delegation.

Tangent to a Circle | IGCSE at Mathematics Realm

Explore the Chesapeake - Map of the Chesapeake Bay

What a Navy?

On such ridiculous circumstances, can history turn...

 

[Driftless]

Movers and shakers in attendance

 

[McPherson]

March 1893

From: Director of Naval Intelligence
To: Secretary of the Navy
Subject: Why are we hosting this German admiral?

Sir:

I have just reviewed the suggested itinerary of RADM Otto von Diederichs submitted to this office, with your requests for my comments as to the feasibility and desirability of impressing upon our "guest" our activities and their results.

The Itinerary, for his tour, as he submitted and you approved:

Washington and vicinity:
1. The Naval Gun Factory at Norfolk.
2. The Naval War College at Annapolis.
3. The Naval Academy at Annapolis.
4. The naval torpedo station experimental establishment at Gosport.
5. The proving grounds at Aberdeen.

I have only one comment. Have you gone insane, Sir?

Chicago and vicinity:
1. International exposition.
2. The Curtiss Wren and Worthington steam engineering works.
3. The Goss laboratory.
4. The Tesla works.

Item 1. is a mere tourist venue, but for the others I have only one comment, sir and it as again as I wrote for the Washington itinerary.

Philadelphia and vicinity:
1. Cramp and Sons in Philadelphia.
2. The Driggs Schroeder gun works.
3. The Driggs Seabury gun works.
4. Bethlehem Steel
5. The Phoenix Gun Foundry

I shall repeat for the third time my first comment.

If my advice and consent carries any weight with you, sir, I must strenuously object to the itinerary and to allowing this individual, who is a German expert on ordnance, and a staff officer known to us to have drawn up war-plans against us and who serves as a deputy of plans and operations to VADM Senden of the Oberkommando de Marine, to have access to the requested venues.

Signed;

CMDR Frances Ensor Chadwick
Director of Naval Intelligence

French Ensor Chadwick was known in the real history to have been less than diplomatic about the stupid stuff he saw and was instructed to do. In the real history he served as the American host to RADM Otto von Diederichs during the latter's actual tour of United States Navy facilities in May and June 1993. At the time, Chadwick was the fictitious head of the "Bureau of Equipment". Whatever smile to smile diplomacy was involved during the tour, the impression I get from Chadwick, is that he did not think very much of Otto von Diederichs. Such comments as "officious" and "loud" pepper the reports. The letters I present here are entirely fictional in this ATL, but I try to keep the tenor and tone of the attitude if not the wording the correspondence might have had.

From: Secretary of the Navy
To: Director of Naval Intelligence
Subject: Otto von Diederichs

Sir,

Whatever you may think about my sanity, I have my good reasons for our navy to maintain close interchanges with select and influential officials within the German navy. It is the known fact to me, sir, that RADM Diederichs is their expert on the automobile torpedo and naval guns: that fact which makes it my judgement that we allow him to see what we have and what we have accomplished. It is through his good offices that we hope to obtain the latest developments in those areas from the Germans which they have to the moment hidden from us. It will be your task as his host to make such inquiries and glean from him where we need to go and what we need to see when we send you to reciprocate the visit as is the custom in these times of "mutual trust" and "friendship" between our navies.

If I must make it plain to you, sir, we have had little success with reverse engineering the Whitehead automobile torpedo. Similarly, we have not been as yet able to produce the proper granulation for smokeless powder for large bore diameter naval ordnance. Third in the queue is the matter of the rapid fire gun in the medium bore diameter range of 12 cm to 18 cm diameters. Also, while the Beauregard pattern breech block, that we developed from the mortar Krupp sold us, is working, we would still like to obtain access to the latest Krupp developments in the sliding wedge applications for their naval rifles. In those matters, von Diederichs is the German expert. He is also a known fool to us, sir. He has the tact and intelligence of a rhinoceros and I expect you to play upon these defects in his character to accomplish reciprocity.

So, you will be his host, you will show him under controlled conditions what he wants to see, the way we want him to see it, and you will play the game, or I will have you cashiered. Is that clear?

Signed
Benjamin Tracy
Secretary of the Navy

Benjamin Tracy was not incompetent. Like his mentor, Benjamin Harrison, he believed in American technology and in rebuilding the navy into something more than the floating joke at which the Germans sneered in 1889.

 

[McPherson]

Chicago

7. Juni 1893

Mein guter Freund Paul:

Sie haben mich gebeten, Ihnen meine Eindrücke von diesen Amerikanern zu schreiben? Der überwältigendste Eindruck, der mir auffällt, ist, dass sie ein immens schmutziges Volk sind, das stinkt, als hätten sie nie Seife entdeckt. Dieser erste Eindruck färbt alles, was ich an ihrem Aussehen, ihrer Kleidung, ihrer Art und Weise, wie sie Dinge tun, wahrnehme. Sie sind schlampig und schlampig. Ordnung, Sauberkeit und Ordnung scheinen ihnen unbekannt zu sein.

Wenn es um ihre Marine geht, zeigt es sich. Ihre Schiffe sind rostig, die Lackierung ist abgenutzt und verblasst. Sogar ihre Männer sind arm an Passform und , fast so, als wären sie Italiener oder Türken. Ich verstehe nicht, warum Admiral Knorr mich angewiesen hat, sie zu beobachten, oder was er erwartete, um seine alarmistischen Tendenzen zu rechtfertigen. Diese Amerikaner sind keine Hansa-Männer. Sie würden in der französischen Marine nicht bestehen, und wir wissen, wie lax sie in der Seemannschaft sind, nicht wahr?

Aber Ihr Interesse gilt ihrer Technologie und ihrer Marinewissenschaft? Lassen Sie mich Ihnen also sagen, was ich sehe, dass sie stolz zeigen. Sie bauen ihre Schiffe für Geschwindigkeit und sie bauen sie größer, als man erwarten würde. Das Schiff, das mir gezeigt wurde, wurde bei Cramp and Sons, ihrer berühmten Werft in Philadelphia, auf die sie so stolz sind, einer großen Überholung unterzogen. Die Panzerung des Schiffes ist dünn und aus einem minderwertigen Stahl als unsere. Die Artillerie an Bord ist eine blasse Kopie unserer eigenen. Sie verwenden immer noch einen Sprengstoff auf Kakaopulverbasis, der aus ihrem Bürgerkrieg übrig geblieben ist, für ihre nachgeahmten Krupp-Waffen. Kannst du glauben, dass sie immer noch so primitiv sind? Sie haben keinen funktionierenden Torpedo an Bord wie unsere Schwartzkopf-Typen an Bord unserer Sigfrieds. Auf der anderen Seite habe ich eine funktionierende Flachbett-Dampfmaschine gesehen, einen dreifachen Gasausdehnungstyp, der als Worthington-Oszillator bezeichnet wird und besser ist als alles, was wir haben. Das war das Einzige, was mich überrascht hat. Diese Dampfmaschine war von Weltklasse-Ordnung. Aber es beunruhigt mich nicht. Für ein Schiff, das vor knapp fünf Jahren auf Kiel gelegt wurde und das zu den Erbauern zurückgebracht wurde, um vom Kiel aus wieder aufgebaut zu werden, was sagt Ihnen das praktisch über diese lächerliche amerikanische Marine? Dass Admiral Knorr keinen Grund hat, sich um sie zu sorgen.

Diese Amerikaner sind ahnungslos, die keine Ahnung haben, wie weit sie wirklich hinter den Zeiten der Welt zurückliegen.

Ihr Landsmann;

Otto

The translation of the above...

Chicago
7 June 1893

My good friend, Paul:

You asked me to write to you of my impressions of these Americans? The most overwhelming impression that strikes me is that they are an immensely dirty people, who stink as if they have never discovered soap. This first impression colors everything I notice about the way they look, the way they dress, the way they do things. They are slovenly and sloppy. Tidiness, neatness and order seems to be unknown to them.

When it comes to their navy, it shows. Their ships are rusty, the paintwork is worn and faded. Even their men are poor in fit and finish, almost as if they were Italians or Turks. I do not see why Admiral Knorr instructed me to observe them or what he expected to justify his alarmist tendencies. These Americans are not Hansa men. They would not pass muster in the French navy and we know how lax they are in seamanship, do we not?

But your interest is in their technology and their naval science? So let me tell you what I see that they proudly show off. They build their ships for speed and they build them larger than one would expect. The ship I was shown was undergoing a major refit at Cramp and Sons, their famous Philadelphia shipyard of which they are so too proud. The ship's armor is thin and of an inferior steel to ours. The artillery aboard her is a pale carbon copy of our own. They still use a cocoa powder based explosive left over from their civil war for their imitation Krupp guns. Can you believe they are still that primitive? They have no working torpedo aboard her like our Schwartzkopf types aboard our Sigfrieds. On the other hand, I did see a working flatbed steam engine, a triple gas expansion type called a Worthington oscillator, that is better than anything we have. That was the only thing that surprised me. That steam engine was of a world class order. Yet it troubles me not. For a ship that was laid down a scarce five years ago and which has been taken back to the builders to be rebuilt from the keel up, practically, what does that tell you about this ridiculous American navy? That Admiral Knorr has not a reason to worry about them.

These Americans are oblivious clowns who have no clue as to how far behind the rest of the world they really are.

Your compatriot;

Otto

Well, CMDR French performed his host duties well. Otto got exactly the wrong impression the Americans wanted him to have.

What did Otto miss?

1. The telltale signs of a hard-working weather beaten and battle-fit navy are beaten-up looking ships and beaten-up but physically tough weather-beaten sailors. He saw it, but did not understand it.
2. Otto missed the spit and polish around the guns and the operating ship's systems. He should have looked with a more observant eye at the USS Baltimore's engine compartments as her engines were being changed out. He missed that "smartness" detail.
3. The Brandenburg class battleships, entering German service, used what is called "compound armor" which was homogenous steel plate over iron backer. The Americans (And this is RTL and Otto did miss it.) were using face hardened steel plate over steel frame. That will ATL come to haunt the Kaiserlichtemarine (KLM) when American ships start punching holes in them.
4. ATL or RTL in 1893, Otto is correct about the torpedoes. Tracy goofed. He should have paid that renegade Whitehead torpedo factory worker the $50,000.00 dollars and stolen the plans to the latest Whitehead torpedo. In our time line, it will be a renegade Schwartzkopf torpedo factory worker and it will be $70,000.00 which Hillary Herbert will pay out.
5. Otto will bring back the curriculum vitals of the United States Naval Academy, but he will have missed the General Board and the whole point of the United States Navy War College. The Germans established their own war college for their navy in 1882, six years before the American one, but they did not use it as the home of their naval general staff as the Americans did, nor was it their war-games laboratory. The Germans tended to exercise at sea and did not push wooden models across a tile floor and simulate as much, like the Americans did. So their battle staffs, did not practice mock battles as much. The Germans were the "primitives" here. Not the Americans
6. Slovenly stinky Americans in their filthy cities; those were the industrial factory workers at whom Diederichs sneered in Philadelphia, Phoenix, Pittsburgh, all in Pennsylvania in our real time line. Chicago had its own cadre and so did Newport News and Gosport. One reads this observation in his "official" reports and duplicates it in his fictional letter and one gets the impression that Kaiser Wilhelm II must have read these same stupid observations, reached the same conclusions in his own bigoted way and missed the obvious point that our later Japanese friend, CMDR Itoh, Watanabe will clearly have seen and thus warned his Meiji masters; "「アメリカ人は非常に工業化され、組織化され、危険です。"

(" america hito wa hijou ni kogyou ka sa re, soshiki ka sa re、 kiken desu .)

"the Americans are very industrialized and organized and dangerous."

 

[McPherson]

Hold on to your hats and/or toupees, I just finished a book on Otto von Diederichs. Man was that guy "unfortunate" in his misreading of human character.