Chapter I
Sorry TLIPOT intro person thing, I will prepare a new one for you.
Okay. What the hell are you trying to do?
It’s a timeline dealing with the 1996 election, as you could probably tell from the title card.
I have to ask you if you will get this done in time because that's what everyone does in these.
Probably not, as I feel unusually overconfident.
You do realise that the 1996 election was so boring! The only TLs covering it are Canadian political TLs! Lol Bob Dull is so old!
True, but a boring election can be made exciting with a hint of F E A R A N D L O A T H I N G. I’ll be adding a tanker truck full of Tabasco sauce onto a rice cake (find more of my recipes in my new cookbook).
Bob Dole is upset that you think Bob Dole is boring! Bob Doooooooooooooooooooooooole!
Teve Torbes wants to tell you about the flat tax!
Get me my sax!
Launch the pitchforks!
Does anyone have a plaid shirt?
NAFTA!
What have I done? I’ll just post a witty quote I got on the internet to have everyone forget this. I need to get a fire extinguisher.
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“Politics and war are remarkably similar situations.”
-Newt Gingrich
If 1992 had brought in a new era of liberalism, 1994 was the comeback of conservatism. Bob Dole’s Republicans would pick up eight seats in Arizona, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Maine. The House would be an even bigger victory, with Newt Gingrich becoming the first Republican Speaker since the Eisenhower administration. Tom Foley would also become the first Speaker to lose re-election since the Civil War. This was not good news for Bill Clinton coming in to the 1996 election.
Republicans hoped to run retired General Colin Powell, a figure from the Gulf War and the former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, but he declined, not being interested in electoral politics. Plus, he was pro-choice, and that would not go on well with the base. There was also Jack Kemp, a former football player, Congressman, HUD Secretary, and 1988 candidate. Kemp was popular with conservatives, but declined to run, which was seen as an odd move. With Powell and Kemp out, the natural front-runner would be Bob Dole, the new Senate Majority Leader, Richard Nixon’s hatchet man, Gerald Ford’s running mate in 1976, and a candidate in 1980 & 1988. With a long career, Dole was the personification of the “Washington insiders” that the Republicans campaigned against, and he was 73. It was clear that once Dole announced his run, the challenge would be to find the leading rival.
Tons of names were brought up. Speaker Gingrich, former Vice President Dan Quayle, Senator Al D’Amato, Governor George W. Bush, former Secretaries of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney, former Governor Carroll Campbell, Governor William Weld, Senator John McCain, and many more (the total number was more than the populations of some small Caribbean countries) were all floated as alternates, but none ran.
Ten candidates would try to take down the man from Kansas. There was tire executive Morry Taylor, who you could tell wasn’t a factor when you read his book Kill all the lawyers – and other ways to fix the government. Of course, if you wanted a fringe conservative, you were spoiled for choice. Orange County Congressman Bob Dorman, who Al Franken notably said about, “having Al D'Amato leading an ethics investigation is like getting Bob Dornan to head up a mental health task force.” There was Alan Keyes, a Reagan administration official who had returned after two failed Senate bids in Maryland. Steve Forbes, a man who had the charisma of a shy first-grader, who ran most of his campaign on his own money and the flat tax. Back from last time was Pat Buchanan, the Nixon and Reagan strategist who felt that America should return culturally to the 1950s, who was also the most electorally successful Holocaust denier.
Then, there were the experienced moderates in the race. Take Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, someone respected by almost everyone in politics, which labeled him as a RINO in 1996. He’d drop out before the first vote was cast. Former Secretary of Labor Lynn Morley Martin also ran, but dropped out after a weak performance at Ames. Spector’s fellow Senator, foreign policy expert Dick Lugar, had the same problem. However, at least those two actually were able to campaign. Governor and former Senator Pete Wilson of California while having taken down Jerry Brown and Dianne Feinstein, had to almost immediately stop his campaign after throat surgery. He couldn’t even talk for months, which meant that the race had ignored him.
After a bit on the campaign trail, it was clear that there were two serious rivals to Dole, who weren’t just running for a book deal. The first was Texas Senator Phil Gramm, a former Democrat and a strong supporter of limited government spending, running to the right of Dole. The second was plaid shirt enthusiast, former Education Secretary, and former Governor of Tennessee Lamar Alexander. He was quite similar to Dole on the issues, but portrayed himself as a “Washington outsider.”
The first test of the campaign was the Ames Straw Poll. Bob Dole had been the favorite, being from the nearby state of Kansas, and having won the caucus in 1988. Of course, the pundits gave the classic “don’t be surprised if it’s Gramm that wins” line. However, the winner wasn’t Dole. It wasn’t Gramm. It was Pat Buchanan. Pat Buchanan, the man who was seen as a far-right lunatic just a short time ago. Lamar Alexander also polled higher, which some claimed was responsible for Dole’s loss. While Dole and Gramm did damage control, it was clear that “Pitchfork Pat” was a serious candidate.
There was big news out of Canada as well. Quebec voted to become an independent country. This would put trade for New Englanders in jeopardy. Ross Perot, who got 19% in 1992, would found a new “Reform Party.” Former Colorado Governor Dick Lamm ran, but when the FEC said that only Perot would access to large federal funds, the Texan entered the race. Lamm dropped out, but promised to stay active in the party. President Clinton would also get primary challengers in actor Sean Penn (running to Clinton’s left) and former Pennsylvania Governor Robert Casey (running to Clinton’s right). The two campaigns would work out an alliance to prevent Clinton from getting a majority, with Casey staying out of favorable Penn states and vice versa.
The first contest would be Louisiana, with all candidates except Keyes, Gramm, and Buchanan were not participating. Gramm was expected winner, but his support with the Religious Right was destroyed after author James Dobson said after speaking with the Texas Senator, “I walked into that meeting fully expecting to support Phil Gramm for President. Now I don't think I'd vote for him if he was the last man standing.” Buchanan’s die-hard supporters turned out in large numbers, overpowering the greater amounts of money and infrastructure of Gramm. Buchanan won by three points. Gramm decided to drop out, with his Iowa polling going down the shitter.
Iowa was imperative to win for Bob Dole, having won the caucus by a large margin in 1988 against an incumbent Vice President. Unfortunately, polls showed the race could go to him, Buchanan, Alexander, or even Steve Forbes (who had gained some of Gramm’s deficit hawks along with the endorsement of Jack Kemp). Many personally believed that Alan Keyes would split the religious backers of Buchanan, important in Iowa. Lamar Alexander was campaigning vigorously, and he got the endorsement of the most important Republican in Iowa, Governor Terry Branstad. Ultimately, Buchanan would get another upset in the early primaries. Dole had been hit hard. Many of his backers immediately jumped ship to Alexander, with many asking the Majority Leader to drop out to prevent Buchanan or Forbes to become the nominee. Dole refused to leave the race, ignoring New Hampshire and going straight to Super Tuesday.
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