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E.T. B. quickly sums up his life (1770s AD - Present)

The following has happened to me since 1770:

- Fought under the British at Waterloo. (I still keep my uniform.)
- Helped build the Liverpool and Manchester Railway.
- Fought in the Opium Wars (although I am against Opium).
- Fought in the Crimea (unfortunatly, I joined the Light Brigade. Put me off cavalry very much.)
- Fought under the Unionists (for a nice change).
- Took part in an expedition in Australia (and found Ayres Rock)
- Served in Africa for quite some time.
- Fought in the Boer War.
- Went to the Western Front in World War One (Horrible place.)
- Spent last last thirteen months of said war in a POW camp.
- Took extended leave in Germany for two years, witnessing the rise of Hitler.
- Joined the RAF in 1938.
- Helped the BEF evacuate Dunkirk. (Unrecognised.)
- Shot down 12 German planes in the Battle of Britain.
- Rejoined the ground troops (tank commander) and fought at El Almein.
- Landed in Normandy in 1944 and met with the Ruskies in 1945.
- Stayed in Berlin for the entire occupation.
- Was in a tank at Korea.
- Retired to Tasmania.
- Went back to war in 2003, but resigned later due to disgruntlement with the US Government.

E.T. B. sums up his life in a more detailed fashion (1770s AD - Present)

For the first fifteen years, I was in London, but in 1785, I decided to join the Navy as a midshipman (family influence, you know). My first real commanding officer (after about ten years on usual shipping in the defense of Britain) was Horatio Nelson. I have a habit of telling my commanders of my little problem (I have been laughed at by a few of them) and started with him. He laughed it off and told me to get back to work. That changed at Cape St. Vincent, when I got shot and then woke up soon after before most of the crew of my ship, the Captain. After I was intially attacked by supersitious members of the crew, I became somewhat close to Nelson (he didn't tell anyone about me, due to the fact that we'd all be thrown in Bedlam if he did).

I remember the Nile, and Copenhagen, but they were nothing in my memory to Trafalgar. It was quite upsetting, therefore, when he got shot and died. It put me off the navy, so I joined the land forces after handing in my resignation. After serving in Spain and Waterloo, I decided to have a look at the new railways.

Soon, however, I had another uniform in my closet. The Opium Wars started, and I went over to fight. The Chinese weren't the best defenders, but they were extremly brave.

After a short rest, I had a nice go at the cavalry, and went to the Crimea. I was ordered to charge the Russian guns with mere swrods and pistol. We were massacured. It would later be known as the Charge of the Light Brigade.

I spent a few years in America during the civil war on the Unionist side. Lincoln had struck me as a better leader then Davis, though some may disagree. I had to pack it in when I got a bullet wound in the head.

After a bit of healing, I went Down Under and joined an expedition. I went with Gosse (the leader) and a camel handler whose name escapes me and we found a gigantic rock. It's called Ayres Rock now.

After a long time in Africa and fighting in the Boer War, I went to the Western front just in time for the Somme. It made me believe very much that Douglas Haig was completly mad. After Ypres, I got out after charged a machine gun nest.

After another quiet period, I decided to go on holiday to Germany for two years. One day I visited the Reichstag and met a man I felt very uncomfortable with. He was Adolf Hitler, and he had taken control of Germany.

A few years later, out of pure interest, I joined the RAF and learned to fly. just in time too, as Hitler invaded Poland after I became I pilot. I was in a Hurricane over Dunkirk, and the Spitfire I used in the Battle of Britain sits proudly in my local airstrip. However, rather then be transferred to Bomber Command, I felt more needed in Africa, where I commanded a General Grant at El Almein. I kept it, too. (I've managed to keep my military veichles that weren't destroyed in WWII by praising my commanders as much as I could. Monty was a genius.)

After the Grants were taken out of service, I was given a Sherman in southern Italy. It was destroyed by a Tiger and I was the only survivor. I preffered the Grant, to be honest.

I was in a Cromwell in Normandy, but I was transferred to a Churchill when the Americans took back the ground forces. When we occupied Berlin, I was quite happy to receive a Centurion, a wondeful tank, pity I never used it in anger.

After Korea, I retired to Tasmania in secrecy. I returned to British service in the Shock and Awe but I resigned, because I don't like the way the Americans handle the Iraqi occupation.

E. T. B. and the nuclear test range faux pas (1950s AD)

There's one thing worse then volcanoes and earthquakes - being just outside a nukes dead-centre. I was involved I a test in…Nevada, I think…and that REALLY stunk. I was sick for a month.

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