The First Alternate Party Run-Down Thread
- Thread starter Cevolian
- Start date
Bolt451
Gone Fishin'
I'm going to do aouple of these based on PM lists I've done.
Clustershag 2: A Good Day to Shag Clusters
Sorted by coalition
Progressive
Labour: Quick to point out the vote on intervening in Syria wasn't a coalition policy but one proposed by the Leader of the opposition that Demcratic leader Nicola Sturgeon happened agreed with, and urge the Dems to vote on. They're not bitter about being the bigger party but not being in 10 downing street, honest.
Democratic: To distract from Syria Nicola Sturgeon made a speech on the economy at a Bakery in Gloucestershire. Because the Economy isn't contentious!
SDLP: What I put for the Dems but with a Belfast accent
Co-Operative: David Drew almost grinned himself in half when the PM turned up in his county constituency and near his home town to boot. Look at his cute ikkle face!
Tradition
Conservative: Caroline Lucas' expression when it was revealed the Dems and SDLP would support the Syria bill and against both Labour and several members of her own coalition too.
Independence: Have you noticed how Doug Carswell stands really close Anne-Marie Waters to seem less racist by proximity? I mean I assume that's why.
British National: So after weeks of speculation, Lone BNP MP Anne Marie Waters' opponent in the leadership election is Jack Buckby. Two months and Jack, pissing, Buckby, the "I want to punch a feminist" guy. Wait does this mean we could see him in the same room as Harini Iyengar and Jo Swinson?
DUP: Speaking of AMW, will I tire of her and Arlene Foster talking about policy while ignoring the massive Lesbian Elephant in the room
TUV: Are angry. About something. I assume. tbh. I did literally every other party before the TUV and I'm starting to lose the will to live. Oh shit Unity. FFS
Center
Liberal: Jo Swinson is going to be riding the fact she helped write a successful amendment to the Syria bill with the actual Prime minister for months isn't she?
Christian Democrat: * @Meadow doing a Cinemasins voice* Tim Farron is still leader of the Christian Dems and the Center Coalition. We don't talk about that enough
Alliance: *wakes @Sideways * I regret to inform there is no Naomi Long news. That is all
Center: Still refusing to change their name despite my calls to change it to make their lists easier to understand
Left
Socialist: Jeremy Corbyn awkwardly found himself back with Labour on the Syria vote. Its like when you've split up with someone but you've got to pop in and fill out housing paperwork with them
Scottish Socialist: Tommy Sheridan is back on the ballots for the next GE! Remember Tommy Sheridan? No?
Unity: Calling for Jeremy Corbyn's resignation because, reasons. Unity and the socialists are like the ex who you still work with.
TUSC: Appear to be going full Syndicalist. I guess its this or fold back into the Socialists. Will this lead to a move to the Radicals? Does anyone care?
People Before Profits: See the Socialist entry but in a Derry accent.
Devolution
SNP: Angus Donaldson hasn't been in the news since the last list. I'm assuming even if you are bitter Plaid are head of the alliance its not a good idea to slag off a fellow party in your actual electoral coalition
Plaid Cymru: Leanne Wood has called for further devolution of powers to Cardiff. I . Why? We got you wanted this by the fact that you are LEADER OF THE DEVOLUTION COALITION ffs
Mebyon Kernow: The problem with
Yorkshire First: T'Devolution Parties
Lincolnshire Independent: Is they only have one
Wessex: Thing in common, but can otherwise differ widly
England First: for example. England First are massive racists
Radical:
GPEW: Not a lot but I spotted Molly Scott Cato in a branch of Soho Coffee on Cheltenham High Street. I'm expecting a response from the Left criticising her for this any day now
Green Party of Scotland: Given how much the Radical Parties bicker I'm assuming Patrick Harvie is bald from stress
Green Party of Northern Ireland: No, me neither
Pirate: Tory MP Philip Davies called Loz Kaye "Lawrence" repeatedly in the Commons last week. Thems fighting words.
Direct Democracy: Quickly distanced itself from Independence MP John Rees Evans comments on direct democracy because on the one hand, he was literally describing their polcieis on democracy. He was also awkwardly fashish in the rest of the interview
Women's Equality Party: Harini Iyengar in trouble with other voices in the WEP for her stance on certain bits of legal reform policy. I mean what would she know, she's only a fucking Barrister!
Revolution Party: On the one hand I like a lot of Revolution's policies. On the other hand I quite like how much Russell Brand is actually hating being an MP. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, Rosette Awards
Best Logo: Wessex Regionalist, a fucking dragon. Plaid Cymru missed a trick here.
Weirdiest: That one Yorkshire made to look more like an actual rose
Most Goth: Pirates, its ALL BLACK
Clustershag 2: A Good Day to Shag Clusters
Sorted by coalition
Progressive
Labour: Quick to point out the vote on intervening in Syria wasn't a coalition policy but one proposed by the Leader of the opposition that Demcratic leader Nicola Sturgeon happened agreed with, and urge the Dems to vote on. They're not bitter about being the bigger party but not being in 10 downing street, honest.
Democratic: To distract from Syria Nicola Sturgeon made a speech on the economy at a Bakery in Gloucestershire. Because the Economy isn't contentious!
SDLP: What I put for the Dems but with a Belfast accent
Co-Operative: David Drew almost grinned himself in half when the PM turned up in his county constituency and near his home town to boot. Look at his cute ikkle face!
Tradition
Conservative: Caroline Lucas' expression when it was revealed the Dems and SDLP would support the Syria bill and against both Labour and several members of her own coalition too.
Independence: Have you noticed how Doug Carswell stands really close Anne-Marie Waters to seem less racist by proximity? I mean I assume that's why.
British National: So after weeks of speculation, Lone BNP MP Anne Marie Waters' opponent in the leadership election is Jack Buckby. Two months and Jack, pissing, Buckby, the "I want to punch a feminist" guy. Wait does this mean we could see him in the same room as Harini Iyengar and Jo Swinson?
DUP: Speaking of AMW, will I tire of her and Arlene Foster talking about policy while ignoring the massive Lesbian Elephant in the room
TUV: Are angry. About something. I assume. tbh. I did literally every other party before the TUV and I'm starting to lose the will to live. Oh shit Unity. FFS
Center
Liberal: Jo Swinson is going to be riding the fact she helped write a successful amendment to the Syria bill with the actual Prime minister for months isn't she?
Christian Democrat: * @Meadow doing a Cinemasins voice* Tim Farron is still leader of the Christian Dems and the Center Coalition. We don't talk about that enough
Alliance: *wakes @Sideways * I regret to inform there is no Naomi Long news. That is all
Center: Still refusing to change their name despite my calls to change it to make their lists easier to understand
Left
Socialist: Jeremy Corbyn awkwardly found himself back with Labour on the Syria vote. Its like when you've split up with someone but you've got to pop in and fill out housing paperwork with them
Scottish Socialist: Tommy Sheridan is back on the ballots for the next GE! Remember Tommy Sheridan? No?
Unity: Calling for Jeremy Corbyn's resignation because, reasons. Unity and the socialists are like the ex who you still work with.
TUSC: Appear to be going full Syndicalist. I guess its this or fold back into the Socialists. Will this lead to a move to the Radicals? Does anyone care?
People Before Profits: See the Socialist entry but in a Derry accent.
Devolution
SNP: Angus Donaldson hasn't been in the news since the last list. I'm assuming even if you are bitter Plaid are head of the alliance its not a good idea to slag off a fellow party in your actual electoral coalition
Plaid Cymru: Leanne Wood has called for further devolution of powers to Cardiff. I . Why? We got you wanted this by the fact that you are LEADER OF THE DEVOLUTION COALITION ffs
Mebyon Kernow: The problem with
Yorkshire First: T'Devolution Parties
Lincolnshire Independent: Is they only have one
Wessex: Thing in common, but can otherwise differ widly
England First: for example. England First are massive racists
Radical:
GPEW: Not a lot but I spotted Molly Scott Cato in a branch of Soho Coffee on Cheltenham High Street. I'm expecting a response from the Left criticising her for this any day now
Green Party of Scotland: Given how much the Radical Parties bicker I'm assuming Patrick Harvie is bald from stress
Green Party of Northern Ireland: No, me neither
Pirate: Tory MP Philip Davies called Loz Kaye "Lawrence" repeatedly in the Commons last week. Thems fighting words.
Direct Democracy: Quickly distanced itself from Independence MP John Rees Evans comments on direct democracy because on the one hand, he was literally describing their polcieis on democracy. He was also awkwardly fashish in the rest of the interview
Women's Equality Party: Harini Iyengar in trouble with other voices in the WEP for her stance on certain bits of legal reform policy. I mean what would she know, she's only a fucking Barrister!
Revolution Party: On the one hand I like a lot of Revolution's policies. On the other hand I quite like how much Russell Brand is actually hating being an MP. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, Rosette Awards
Best Logo: Wessex Regionalist, a fucking dragon. Plaid Cymru missed a trick here.
Weirdiest: That one Yorkshire made to look more like an actual rose
Most Goth: Pirates, its ALL BLACK
Last edited:
Bolt451
Gone Fishin'
Your liking for her crosses dimensions
I cant quite match your style and wit for these though
Sideways
Donor
Your liking for her crosses dimensions
I cant quite match your style and wit for these though
I thought it was fine, and there isn't much need to copy a voice for these. I mean the first Politibrit run downs were done by Blackadder during the 2015 election
Md139115
Banned
Bull Mooses, “Baptist,” Bernie, and Bridges, Oh boy...
Good morning, everyone! It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, so let’s recap:
Major Parties:
The Socialist Party: That’s right everyone! It is back!!!!! No more political wilderness! No more FBI raids on headquarters! No more being the party everyone expected to be funded by Russia! AND NO MORE SLUMMING ABOUT FOR DECADES WITH THE NAME “AMERICAN WORKERS PARTY!” I may not like them all that much, but even I was moved watching them formally vote to change the name back to The Socialist Party of America. That being said, I maintain playing up Bernie Sanders breaking down and sobbing openly was a step too far.
The Progressive Party: Has formally announced their opposition to elk, pheasant, and bear hunts. I... I... I think that they are either completely ignorant of history or are trying to solve the energy crisis. If by solving the energy crisis I mean digging up poor Teddy Roosevelt and attaching his spinning corpse to a generator...
The Republican Party: Wants everyone to know that they are now REALLY serious on public investment into our infrastructure. Bloomberg is now saying that a “greater fiscal effort” must be made. Just a reminder, this is the guy who literally SOLD THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE.
The Democratic Party: Bob Swigert has just claimed that he is the second coming of John the Baptist, poised to lead America back to the pure Christian theocracy it was always meant to be. And absolutely no one batted an eye. I think we can dig up poor Jefferson and tie him to that generator too... on the bright side, that’s one fusion ticket with the Republicans that can’t be repeated.
Minor Parties:
The Green Party: Are applauding the “minor step forward by the Progressive Party... we hope that this may be extended to a condemnation of all other forms of hunting as well.” (Emphasis mine). Jeez, you guys are still hung up on that dropped fusion ticket in Maine?!
The Libertarian Party: want to make absolutely clear that they are not trying to turn Wyoming into a one party state. This despite the fact that their “concentration” program has officially hit 50,000 people, or nearly 10% of the state population!
The Reform Party: Is still claiming that America cannot be called a democracy so long as the electoral college remains intact. Give it a rest already!
Farmer-Labor Party: is trying to pair urban farmers with rural (re: actual) farmers so they can bounce tips and tricks off each other. I never heard of a party rebranding attempt sound so much like a sitcom!
The Temperance Party: continues to run around screaming “We told you so!” about the latest news on technology addiction. At the rate they’re climbing in the polls...
The Communist Party: refuses to admit that they have switched from Marxism-Leninism to Maoism, despite receiving an engraved gold portrait of Chairman Xi from the Chinese Ambassador.
Fringe Parties:
KKK Party: Is arguing that the new movie in the Marvel series is proof that ethnic homogeneity results in far more impressive civilizations than multiculturalism. I almost wish they hadn’t tried going legit.
Black Panther Party: I swear, if I hear one more “the revolution will not be televised, but it will be cinematized” joke...
Our Land Party: The Most Sympathetic Group of Nativist Extremists Ever has voted to grant observer status in the party to people of Native or Mestizo ancestry from Latin America immigrating to this country, both legal and illegal, on the grounds that they’re much closer to the Land’s Rightful Inhabitants than those of us who came here across the oceans.
Know-Nothings: “Despite what they say and do the contrary, the Catholic Church has secretly supported abortion legalization in order to further their evil plot of world domination.” At least, that’s the condensed version of the rant Olaf Erickson went off on last Thursday.
Partido de Atzlan: Has announced a policy to free homeschooling kits en Espanol so that second and third generation immigrants don’t assimilate.
The Constitutional Party: announced on Wednesday that free beer would not be served at the upcoming convention in Elmira. Nearly the whole executive board has since requested police protection.
The Anti-Mason Party: is suing The History Channel for the loss of their free airtime.
Christian Conservative Party: insists that Swigert’s declaration is sacrilege. Pot, meet Kettle.
Independence Parties:
Alaska: Joe Volgler Jr. is now polling in second place for the gubernatorial election! WTF?!!
California: Party founder Max Schneider just was arrested for speeding... in Khabarovsk. What was he doing there, I wonder?
Cascadia: Everyone’s favorite band of morons...(kicked by BKW again)
Dixie: Continues to insist that their parades with the Confederate Battle Flag are not intended to be racist, and they most certainly do not deserve the hate group designation from the SPLC. (Might move this to fringe party in next update)
Florida: has just received a body blow with the Cuban government announcing Saturday that they in no way recognize the legality of the movement. They are attempting to brush this off by claiming that nothing else should be expected from a US puppet...
Hawaii (Republican): would like to remind people that Hakuna Matata is Swahili, not Hawai’ian.
Hawaii (Monarchial): is pleased to report that the 50 ft long surfboard to be used by His Majesty on the North Shore as proof of his right to rule the islands is nearing completion. Fans who donated to the Kickstarter program rejoice. The 100 ft long board for the Governor of Hawaii being funded by the rival Kickstarter is still mired in technical difficulties though.
Key West: America’s favorite secessionist movement has just announced that they are opening a Kickstarter to fund an advertising campaign. All donations of $20 or more will receive a free key lime pie!
Lakota: is still milking that accidental meeting with the Swedish Ambassador for all its worth.
Montana: hasn’t updated their webpage since 2016.
New Mexico: Atzlan is doing a little too well for my liking...
Oklahoma: has actually won the right to have their appeal that the Indian Territory’s incorporation in the Union was illegal heard by the Circuit Court. If this actually goes all the way to the Supreme Court, we might want to grab our flags and scissors...
Puerto Rico: has just issued another We Are Really Sorry For The Role We Played In President Landon’s Assasination And Can You Please Stop Using Us As An Excuse To Not Hold A Referendum statement. I know that in the past I’ve included them into the Fringe Parties category, but when even the UN is taking their side...
South Carolina: has held a town hall meeting in Myrtle Beach where they made clear that being part of the USA and the CSA ended badly, so absolutely there is absolutely no way that they would ever join another federation if independent. They’re actually starting to pull equal with Dixie in the polls...
Texas: Is encouraging people to buy shares of Texas Central Railway’s recent IPO just to prove that they don’t need the Feds to finance major infrastructure projects. Last time I checked, they’re still in need of another... $8.5 billion...
Vermont: is experimenting with printing biodegradable membership cards. Greens are watching with bated breath...
State expulsionist/secessionist movements:
Alabama: No counties have yet voted to expel Montgomery or Mobile.
Alaska: Panhandle movement webpage not updated since 2015.
Arizona: -
Arkansas: 4 counties have voted to expel Pulaski County (Little Rock) so far.
California: Governor’s office has rejected the latest petition for a referendum the division of the state into 4 on the grounds of multiple illegible signatures. Better luck next time guys.
Colorado: the number of northeastern counties voting to secede is now up to 8. Combined population is still under 200,000 though.
Connecticut: -
Delamarva!: Apparently, the town council of Lewes is the latest body to vote for deeper ties with other peninsular communities.
Florida: With much of the energy having fallen out of the Florida Independence Party, increased interest has been paid to partitioning the state, at least according to the posts I’ve been reading. Both sides want Orange County (Orlando) though. Who knew Disney World was so popular?!
Georgia: The birthplace of the Southern city expulsion movement has now reported that 67 of their 159 counties have voted to expel Fulton County (Atlanta) from the state. Of those 67, 59 have also voted to expel DeKalb, and 38 have voted to expel Chatham County (Savannah). This is looking less like a protest movement, and more like a revolt...
Hawaii: Yes, people hate Honolulu and Oahu in general, but no votes by the other islands on expulsion or secession yet.
Idaho: -
Illinois: Support for expelling Chicago is polling at a staggering 62% in those counties not bordering Lake Michigan. Websites are not forthcoming though.
Indiana: -
Iowa: -
Jefferson: In the only successful new state movement so far, all is not well. After the board of Supervisors in Mendocino County voted a resolution calling for a name change to the state, the other counties are organizing a “Go the F*** back to California” movement that so far Modoc and Jackson counties have voted for. This is what happens when you’re a Progressive county in a Republican state...
Kentucky: After an abortive attempt, it seems the Expel Louisville movement has pettered out, making Kentucky the most stable state south of the Mason-Dixon Line after West Virginia.
Louisiana: New Orleans has pre-empted everyone by asking Baton Rouge for permission to leave. Clearly, they’re still pissed over 2005. Anyone who says Americans have short term memories can look at this for proof otherwise.
Maine: Probably exists, but Northern Maine doesn’t exactly have the Internet... or electricity...
Maryland: See Delmarva
Massachusetts: the Western Massachusetts secessionist movement is running an online name poll for the new state. As can be expected, “Massholeia” has more votes than all other entries combined.
Michigan: It’s well known Upper Peninsula wants out, but it’s running into the same problem Northern Maine has.
Minnesota: -
Mississippi: Eight counties voted to expel Hinds County (Jackson) so far.
Missouri: Two counties have voted to expel St. Louis so far.
Montana: -
Nebraska: a bunch of yokels want Omaha to leave. Really? Omaha?
Nevada: Everyone seems confused why no one is urging for Reno, Carson City, or Las Vegas to leave. They forget that no one actually lives in Nevada outside those three cities.
North Dakota: -
New Hampshire: -
New Jersey: The very great and wonderful South Jersey secessionist movement continues to do well. We’ve secured Salem County and are making some good inroads on Cumberland and Burlington! Referendum here we come!
New Mexico: -
New York: The Adirondack Movement has no counties voting for secession yet, but with 15% of the population, it’s only a matter of time.
North Carolina: 28 voting to expel Mecklenburg County (Charlotte) and 19 voting on Wake County (Raleigh). For their part, a movement is being organized in those counties to expel the ones that voted against them. I smell a state splitting in half...
Ohio:
Oregon: Apparently, those living on the eastern side of the Cascades are not as enthused of their western counterparts. They want to divide their states by east and west rather than north and south. Website not updated in six months though.
Oklahoma: -
Pennsylvania: Nothing new on the perennial attempts to split the Commonwealth in half.
Rhode Island: -
South Carolina: Two lonely backwoods counties have voted to try and get rid of Charleston.
South Dakota: -
Tennessee: Why anyone would want to get rid of Memphis is beyond me, but six counties do...
Texas: Democrats continue to suggest that Texas should be partitioned into five... even though two of those states would almost certainly vote Progressive.
Utah: -
Virginia: Some of the Shenandoah counties are thinking about trying to join West Virginia or form their own state. Others seem to want to join Tennessee, and of course, there’s Norfolk, which thinks it can be a military-industrial state all by its lonesome. Let’s not forget their two Delmarva! counties too.
Washington: See Oregon
West Virginia: -
Wisconsin: -
Wyoming: Some want to break off from Libertarian Land before it’s too late...
AND I AM BACK!!!!!
Good morning, everyone! It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, so let’s recap:
Major Parties:
The Socialist Party: That’s right everyone! It is back!!!!! No more political wilderness! No more FBI raids on headquarters! No more being the party everyone expected to be funded by Russia!
AND NO MORE SLUMMING ABOUT FOR DECADES WITH THE NAME “AMERICAN WORKERS PARTY!” I may not like them all that much, but even I was moved watching them formally vote to change the name back to The Socialist Party of America. That being said, I maintain playing up Bernie Sanders breaking down and sobbing openly was a step too far. The Progressive Party: Has formally announced their opposition to elk, pheasant, and bear hunts. I... I... I think that they are either completely ignorant of history or are trying to solve the energy crisis. If by solving the energy crisis I mean digging up poor Teddy Roosevelt and attaching his spinning corpse to a generator...
The Republican Party: Wants everyone to know that they are now REALLY serious on public investment into our infrastructure. Bloomberg is now saying that a “greater fiscal effort” must be made. Just a reminder, this is the guy who literally SOLD THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE.
The Democratic Party: Bob Swigert has just claimed that he is the second coming of John the Baptist, poised to lead America back to the pure Christian theocracy it was always meant to be. And absolutely no one batted an eye. I think we can dig up poor Jefferson and tie him to that generator too... on the bright side, that’s one fusion ticket with the Republicans that can’t be repeated.
Minor Parties:
The Green Party: Are applauding the “minor step forward by the Progressive Party... we hope that this may be extended to a condemnation of all other forms of hunting as well.” (Emphasis mine). Jeez, you guys are still hung up on that dropped fusion ticket in Maine?!
The Libertarian Party: want to make absolutely clear that they are not trying to turn Wyoming into a one party state. This despite the fact that their “concentration” program has officially hit 50,000 people, or nearly 10% of the state population!
The Reform Party: Is still claiming that America cannot be called a democracy so long as the electoral college remains intact. Give it a rest already!
Farmer-Labor Party: is trying to pair urban farmers with rural (re: actual) farmers so they can bounce tips and tricks off each other. I never heard of a party rebranding attempt sound so much like a sitcom!
The Temperance Party: continues to run around screaming “We told you so!” about the latest news on technology addiction. At the rate they’re climbing in the polls...
The Communist Party: refuses to admit that they have switched from Marxism-Leninism to Maoism, despite receiving an engraved gold portrait of Chairman Xi from the Chinese Ambassador.
Fringe Parties:
KKK Party: Is arguing that the new movie in the Marvel series is proof that ethnic homogeneity results in far more impressive civilizations than multiculturalism. I almost wish they hadn’t tried going legit.
Black Panther Party: I swear, if I hear one more “the revolution will not be televised, but it will be cinematized” joke...
Our Land Party: The Most Sympathetic Group of Nativist Extremists Ever has voted to grant observer status in the party to people of Native or Mestizo ancestry from Latin America immigrating to this country, both legal and illegal, on the grounds that they’re much closer to the Land’s Rightful Inhabitants than those of us who came here across the oceans.
Know-Nothings: “Despite what they say and do the contrary, the Catholic Church has secretly supported abortion legalization in order to further their evil plot of world domination.” At least, that’s the condensed version of the rant Olaf Erickson went off on last Thursday.
Partido de Atzlan: Has announced a policy to free homeschooling kits en Espanol so that second and third generation immigrants don’t assimilate.
The Constitutional Party: announced on Wednesday that free beer would not be served at the upcoming convention in Elmira. Nearly the whole executive board has since requested police protection.
The Anti-Mason Party: is suing The History Channel for the loss of their free airtime.
Christian Conservative Party: insists that Swigert’s declaration is sacrilege. Pot, meet Kettle.
Independence Parties:
Alaska: Joe Volgler Jr. is now polling in second place for the gubernatorial election! WTF?!!
California: Party founder Max Schneider just was arrested for speeding... in Khabarovsk. What was he doing there, I wonder?
Cascadia: Everyone’s favorite band of morons...(kicked by BKW again)
Dixie: Continues to insist that their parades with the Confederate Battle Flag are not intended to be racist, and they most certainly do not deserve the hate group designation from the SPLC. (Might move this to fringe party in next update)
Florida: has just received a body blow with the Cuban government announcing Saturday that they in no way recognize the legality of the movement. They are attempting to brush this off by claiming that nothing else should be expected from a US puppet...
Hawaii (Republican): would like to remind people that Hakuna Matata is Swahili, not Hawai’ian.
Hawaii (Monarchial): is pleased to report that the 50 ft long surfboard to be used by His Majesty on the North Shore as proof of his right to rule the islands is nearing completion. Fans who donated to the Kickstarter program rejoice. The 100 ft long board for the Governor of Hawaii being funded by the rival Kickstarter is still mired in technical difficulties though.
Key West: America’s favorite secessionist movement has just announced that they are opening a Kickstarter to fund an advertising campaign. All donations of $20 or more will receive a free key lime pie!
Lakota: is still milking that accidental meeting with the Swedish Ambassador for all its worth.
Montana: hasn’t updated their webpage since 2016.
New Mexico: Atzlan is doing a little too well for my liking...
Oklahoma: has actually won the right to have their appeal that the Indian Territory’s incorporation in the Union was illegal heard by the Circuit Court. If this actually goes all the way to the Supreme Court, we might want to grab our flags and scissors...
Puerto Rico: has just issued another We Are Really Sorry For The Role We Played In President Landon’s Assasination And Can You Please Stop Using Us As An Excuse To Not Hold A Referendum statement. I know that in the past I’ve included them into the Fringe Parties category, but when even the UN is taking their side...
South Carolina: has held a town hall meeting in Myrtle Beach where they made clear that being part of the USA and the CSA ended badly, so absolutely there is absolutely no way that they would ever join another federation if independent. They’re actually starting to pull equal with Dixie in the polls...
Texas: Is encouraging people to buy shares of Texas Central Railway’s recent IPO just to prove that they don’t need the Feds to finance major infrastructure projects. Last time I checked, they’re still in need of another... $8.5 billion...
Vermont: is experimenting with printing biodegradable membership cards. Greens are watching with bated breath...
State expulsionist/secessionist movements:
Alabama: No counties have yet voted to expel Montgomery or Mobile.
Alaska: Panhandle movement webpage not updated since 2015.
Arizona: -
Arkansas: 4 counties have voted to expel Pulaski County (Little Rock) so far.
California: Governor’s office has rejected the latest petition for a referendum the division of the state into 4 on the grounds of multiple illegible signatures. Better luck next time guys.
Colorado: the number of northeastern counties voting to secede is now up to 8. Combined population is still under 200,000 though.
Connecticut: -
Delamarva!: Apparently, the town council of Lewes is the latest body to vote for deeper ties with other peninsular communities.
Florida: With much of the energy having fallen out of the Florida Independence Party, increased interest has been paid to partitioning the state, at least according to the posts I’ve been reading. Both sides want Orange County (Orlando) though. Who knew Disney World was so popular?!
Georgia: The birthplace of the Southern city expulsion movement has now reported that 67 of their 159 counties have voted to expel Fulton County (Atlanta) from the state. Of those 67, 59 have also voted to expel DeKalb, and 38 have voted to expel Chatham County (Savannah). This is looking less like a protest movement, and more like a revolt...
Hawaii: Yes, people hate Honolulu and Oahu in general, but no votes by the other islands on expulsion or secession yet.
Idaho: -
Illinois: Support for expelling Chicago is polling at a staggering 62% in those counties not bordering Lake Michigan. Websites are not forthcoming though.
Indiana: -
Iowa: -
Jefferson: In the only successful new state movement so far, all is not well. After the board of Supervisors in Mendocino County voted a resolution calling for a name change to the state, the other counties are organizing a “Go the F*** back to California” movement that so far Modoc and Jackson counties have voted for. This is what happens when you’re a Progressive county in a Republican state...
Kentucky: After an abortive attempt, it seems the Expel Louisville movement has pettered out, making Kentucky the most stable state south of the Mason-Dixon Line after West Virginia.
Louisiana: New Orleans has pre-empted everyone by asking Baton Rouge for permission to leave. Clearly, they’re still pissed over 2005. Anyone who says Americans have short term memories can look at this for proof otherwise.
Maine: Probably exists, but Northern Maine doesn’t exactly have the Internet... or electricity...
Maryland: See Delmarva
Massachusetts: the Western Massachusetts secessionist movement is running an online name poll for the new state. As can be expected, “Massholeia” has more votes than all other entries combined.
Michigan: It’s well known Upper Peninsula wants out, but it’s running into the same problem Northern Maine has.
Minnesota: -
Mississippi: Eight counties voted to expel Hinds County (Jackson) so far.
Missouri: Two counties have voted to expel St. Louis so far.
Montana: -
Nebraska: a bunch of yokels want Omaha to leave. Really? Omaha?
Nevada: Everyone seems confused why no one is urging for Reno, Carson City, or Las Vegas to leave. They forget that no one actually lives in Nevada outside those three cities.
North Dakota: -
New Hampshire: -
New Jersey: The very great and wonderful South Jersey secessionist movement continues to do well. We’ve secured Salem County and are making some good inroads on Cumberland and Burlington! Referendum here we come!
New Mexico: -
New York: The Adirondack Movement has no counties voting for secession yet, but with 15% of the population, it’s only a matter of time.
North Carolina: 28 voting to expel Mecklenburg County (Charlotte) and 19 voting on Wake County (Raleigh). For their part, a movement is being organized in those counties to expel the ones that voted against them. I smell a state splitting in half...
Ohio:
Oregon: Apparently, those living on the eastern side of the Cascades are not as enthused of their western counterparts. They want to divide their states by east and west rather than north and south. Website not updated in six months though.
Oklahoma: -
Pennsylvania: Nothing new on the perennial attempts to split the Commonwealth in half.
Rhode Island: -
South Carolina: Two lonely backwoods counties have voted to try and get rid of Charleston.
South Dakota: -
Tennessee: Why anyone would want to get rid of Memphis is beyond me, but six counties do...
Texas: Democrats continue to suggest that Texas should be partitioned into five... even though two of those states would almost certainly vote Progressive.
Utah: -
Virginia: Some of the Shenandoah counties are thinking about trying to join West Virginia or form their own state. Others seem to want to join Tennessee, and of course, there’s Norfolk, which thinks it can be a military-industrial state all by its lonesome. Let’s not forget their two Delmarva! counties too.
Washington: See Oregon
West Virginia: -
Wisconsin: -
Wyoming: Some want to break off from Libertarian Land before it’s too late...
AND I AM BACK!!!!!
Gentleman Biaggi
Banned
Idaho, Oregon, BC, or Washington?Sorry, I just had to make one joke about where I was the last week.
A Britain Of Extremes
Main Parties
Peoples' Britannia: Bone has announced the death penalty referendum for the 8th of July. Well that's a real noose around the party's ne oh fuck off
All For Britain: New party event to roll out the "Forgotten Manifesto." Protect the BHS! Keep our pensioners safe from the corporate whims of PB! Save our children! also kill all the dark skinned people Grand Priestess Waters commands it
Common Wealth: Nancy Taafe thinks "cancel Britain's sole form of defences" is a winning party policy. Someone should inform Lord Wolfgang of the great news! Also more rape scandals because politics can't ever be fun.
Reform / NDP Alliance: Eileen Gillard and Andy Street are going to try to bring the Centre Front back into British politics. Err...try some other time lads and stick to the peppy TV ads.
Communist Party of Great Britain: Common Wealth's partners in Scotland have broken through the Central Belt...again. Can't wait for them to lose it in a few years after Sheridan comes back to punch someone. Darling's trying his best, honest.
Democratic Unity Party: The DUUUP's attempt at breaking through to the mainland has had some success, rather shockingly. The Directly-Elected Mayor of Hampshire isn't much to sneeze at, that's for sure.
Earth Vision: Anyone else really bored of Paul Farage's flirt with Deep Ecology? No, just me?
Nationalist Parties
Scottish Party: John Wilson's stint as chief executive has seen tax cuts and spending cuts. At least it's normal horribleness. Oh also Fergus Ewing is making his Great Play yet again. I'm sure the people of Scotland will just love Turbo Nabarroism.
Plaid Cymru: Bitterly holding on to Ynys Mon till their last breath. I admire their courage. Oh wait, I don't.
Mebyon Kernow: Seem to think Penzance is a suitable replacement for West Belfast in the ongoing armed struggle for Tin and Pasties.
Victory for London: Adair Turner Is A Classic Legend. Why yes he will go for another term.
Northern Ireland
Ulster First: Allegedly their General Secretary laughed when learning that a gay political opponent had been put to death in the Volkstaat. Gladly keeping up their reputation as the most jolly party in our grand kingdom.
Republican Labour: Now that Eamonn McCann proved to be totally useless, it's Fiona Ferguson's turn to be totally useless.
Democratic Ulster Unionist Unity Party: The mainland trick has reinvigorated interest in the party, but Hoey'll need to do more than that if she wants to win back Strangford.
Nationalist Party of Northern Ireland: John Dallat pledges to take the party in a leftward direction. Presumably they'll just take advice from the priests from now on instead of following their lead.
Independence Party of Ulster: Yes lads we'll make Northern Ireland an independent and install your favourite Jamie B as Lord Protector wait we'd lose what benefits???
Traditional Nationalist Voice: Barry McElduff's little trip to the Shankill completely backfired in...shock?
Unionist Party of Northern Ireland: Dawn Purvis is sticking it out there. Clear she'd prefer Republican Labour if it weren't for...yknow.
Poblacht na hÉireann: BOOM BOOM
Main Parties
Peoples' Britannia: Bone has announced the death penalty referendum for the 8th of July. Well that's a real noose around the party's ne oh fuck off
All For Britain: New party event to roll out the "Forgotten Manifesto." Protect the BHS! Keep our pensioners safe from the corporate whims of PB! Save our children! also kill all the dark skinned people Grand Priestess Waters commands it
Common Wealth: Nancy Taafe thinks "cancel Britain's sole form of defences" is a winning party policy. Someone should inform Lord Wolfgang of the great news! Also more rape scandals because politics can't ever be fun.
Reform / NDP Alliance: Eileen Gillard and Andy Street are going to try to bring the Centre Front back into British politics. Err...try some other time lads and stick to the peppy TV ads.
Communist Party of Great Britain: Common Wealth's partners in Scotland have broken through the Central Belt...again. Can't wait for them to lose it in a few years after Sheridan comes back to punch someone. Darling's trying his best, honest.
Democratic Unity Party: The DUUUP's attempt at breaking through to the mainland has had some success, rather shockingly. The Directly-Elected Mayor of Hampshire isn't much to sneeze at, that's for sure.
Earth Vision: Anyone else really bored of Paul Farage's flirt with Deep Ecology? No, just me?
Nationalist Parties
Scottish Party: John Wilson's stint as chief executive has seen tax cuts and spending cuts. At least it's normal horribleness. Oh also Fergus Ewing is making his Great Play yet again. I'm sure the people of Scotland will just love Turbo Nabarroism.
Plaid Cymru: Bitterly holding on to Ynys Mon till their last breath. I admire their courage. Oh wait, I don't.
Mebyon Kernow: Seem to think Penzance is a suitable replacement for West Belfast in the ongoing armed struggle for Tin and Pasties.
Victory for London: Adair Turner Is A Classic Legend. Why yes he will go for another term.
Northern Ireland
Ulster First: Allegedly their General Secretary laughed when learning that a gay political opponent had been put to death in the Volkstaat. Gladly keeping up their reputation as the most jolly party in our grand kingdom.
Republican Labour: Now that Eamonn McCann proved to be totally useless, it's Fiona Ferguson's turn to be totally useless.
Democratic Ulster Unionist Unity Party: The mainland trick has reinvigorated interest in the party, but Hoey'll need to do more than that if she wants to win back Strangford.
Nationalist Party of Northern Ireland: John Dallat pledges to take the party in a leftward direction. Presumably they'll just take advice from the priests from now on instead of following their lead.
Independence Party of Ulster: Yes lads we'll make Northern Ireland an independent and install your favourite Jamie B as Lord Protector wait we'd lose what benefits???
Traditional Nationalist Voice: Barry McElduff's little trip to the Shankill completely backfired in...shock?
Unionist Party of Northern Ireland: Dawn Purvis is sticking it out there. Clear she'd prefer Republican Labour if it weren't for...yknow.
Poblacht na hÉireann: BOOM BOOM
June 1st, 2059, Moscow
Recurring Parties:
Recurring Parties:
- Union of Republican Forces: The liberals are back and stronger than ever! Actually a rather broad, centrist party with a neoliberal streak. Hopefully will not be associated with creepy pseudo-intelligentsia and America apologists of the past. Not after the Bloody '20s. And the Bloody '30s, come to think of it.
- A Just Russia: The true social democrats and the backbone of democratic socialism in Russia. Don't know how they survived the gradual end of Putinism, but they're doing well so far. Still have issues in regards to the more conservative "Old Guard" and the more radical newbies.
- United Democratic Party: Having emerged from the chaos that plagued United Russia in the wake of Putin's death, the United Democratic Party became the premier United Russia remnant. Led by right-wing technocrats that eventually shifted towards the principles of Christian Democracy, UDP remains an influential force within the Russian party system.
- Patriots of Russia: Staunchly conservative and populist, the Patriots of Russia attract voters viewing the United Democrats as "too liberal". Nowadays considered the North Caucasian Party due to the amount of votes it receives from local ethnic republics.
- Fatherland's Choice: The go-to party for people living in ethnic republics that don't like the three parties or the Patriots, particularly Russians who feel threatened by nationalists. Tries really hard to be the next party of power. Professes the ideas of centrism, moderate conservatism and egalitarianism.
- Russian Industrial Front: Technocrats and industrialists, usually from New Urengoy or Tolyatti, with an increasingly dominant obsession with transhumanism.
- New Trudoviks: A somewhat minor social-democratic party, mostly notable for their greater support for internationalism and global integration that the SRs lack. Tend to be part of a coalition.
- Agrarian-Ecological Party "Greens": Would be ignored as an one-issue party that tends to spring up every now and then if not for their increasingly spooky views on ecology, community and the human body.
- Russian Social Democratic Party (Official): A very popular, anticapitalist political party for the people that totally isn't a rebranded KPRF- wait, these guys are still alive?
- Left Front (Russia): The shambling corpse of an already questionably united bloc of socialist parties that cannot agree on whether Stalin was truly a committed Communist or not.
- All-Russian People's Union: Break ties with Europe, end democracy and deport all the Uzbek, Tajik and American immigrants from our cities. The glorious Russian Orthodox Liberation under the guiding hand of the Vozhd is coming any day now.
- Party for Christian Freedom: Have the faces of Vitaly Milonov and Konstantin Pobedonostsev plastered all over their basement's walls.
Elections On A Small Island: 2003 General Election Aftermath
May 5, 2003
OOC: Note that this is in a slightly different, more realistic universe then the actual Elections On A Small Island one.
That was one heck of a result, wasn't it? Now that they've had the weekend to digest everything, let's see how the parties are reacting:
Major Parties
Socialist Workers: British Ostalgie has peaked! All that hard work during the last decade has finally paid off, and you can see it in their PR materials- red flags and banners everywhere. A Communist Party? (Please don't hurt me) Luckily it looks like they now accept democracy, so no more return to the dark days of Wilson and Roberts-Benn. And besides, they don't even have a majority...
Tory-National Progressive-UKIP "National" coupon: All that talk of possibly merging into a single National Party before the election when Douglas Murray's government was on the ropes appears to be popping up again. They've also congratulated President McCain on "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, and say that if they somehow make government, they wish to have the UK join him there. Luckily, they didn't win...
Christian Workers: Are making a lot of noise about them providing supply and confidence to the presumptive Socialist Workers government. That will be interesting, the religious propping up a Eurocommunist government...
Progressive: No more Independent Tories, mostly! The last Indy Tory that didn't defect to the Green Regionalists in the aftermath of the election has joined the Progressives. To be honest, it was probably for the better that that coupon broke up because the only thing both of them agreed on was not invading Iraq and protecting against mass surveillance.
Green Regionalists: With all those Indy Tory MPs, they've sure really gained! Apparently want to use their extra influence to push for a "net zero immigration policy" and protecting all the green belts created in the 90s.
Minor Parties
Liberal: With 10 MPs, now approaching major party status thanks to their work on preserving civil liberties in the face of the last government. But even bigger news is that Charles Kennedy wants to take advantage of the provision in the Progressives' charter allow members of other parties to run for their leadership to run and win it, and merge the Liberals into the Progressives to push them towards an even more socially liberal and anti-authoritarian direction. If he succeeds, well, that won't go over well with the Progressives who like social engineering...
Common Wealth Labour: Mo Mowlam did one heck of a campaign despite still recovering from brain cancer. Sadly, she didn't gain any seats, but she's still one heck of a woman...
Conservatives: Maddie Marsden keeps proving that her party has zero audience other then her personal vote. They're probably doomed...
Vote Farron: Wow, they somehow managed to win a seat. I guess Farron the telecoms exec who owns Archangel knows how to really campaign with the youth via SMS, or something...
Accelerate!: I don't think Rick Perry has good instincts on leadership (surprising for a former Silicon Valley executive). If he did, why would he pick Nick Land as his deputy leader?
Who?
New Wellington Wells: Still pushing drugs. No, I don't care how much you say they "expand the human mind"; that's just silly. How many times does the National Constabulary have to come after you to learn your lesson?
Transhumanists: Still smarting over Rick Perry's dedefecting to them and setting up his own Accerlate! Party instead. But what can they do?
Norsefire: Listen, if you're going to be ultra-bigoted, at least do it respectably and join one of the National coupon parties. Wait, scratch that. They would just probably push them more right-wing...
Plaid Cymru: Has set their website to be solely Welsh today as part of a new campaign for the Welsh language.
Scottish National: The Tartan Tories are starting trying to court the Green Regionalist nationalist vote by campaigning for a Scottish Parliament. Maybe you should have tried that, I don't know, during the election campaign?
Four Freedoms: Want any new government formed to hold another referendum on joining the Euro. Like that's ever going to happen...
Mebyon Kernow: The usual blather about Western England stealing all their land.
Socialist Left: Are saying that the Socialist Workers are too socially reactionary. And to be fair, that is true. But no, no Briton wants to legalize human-animal marriage...
Libertarianz: With every new press release I am more and more sure that there name isn't a PR thing, but a real spelling mistake that they never recognized as one.
51st State: Why, God, why?
Continuity Independent Tories: Look mate, you're not going to make any headway against the Green Regionalists. You need to put aside your saltiness and accept the merger.
May 5, 2003
OOC: Note that this is in a slightly different, more realistic universe then the actual Elections On A Small Island one.
That was one heck of a result, wasn't it? Now that they've had the weekend to digest everything, let's see how the parties are reacting:
Major Parties
Socialist Workers: British Ostalgie has peaked! All that hard work during the last decade has finally paid off, and you can see it in their PR materials- red flags and banners everywhere. A Communist Party? (Please don't hurt me) Luckily it looks like they now accept democracy, so no more return to the dark days of Wilson and Roberts-Benn. And besides, they don't even have a majority...
Tory-National Progressive-UKIP "National" coupon: All that talk of possibly merging into a single National Party before the election when Douglas Murray's government was on the ropes appears to be popping up again. They've also congratulated President McCain on "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq, and say that if they somehow make government, they wish to have the UK join him there. Luckily, they didn't win...
Christian Workers: Are making a lot of noise about them providing supply and confidence to the presumptive Socialist Workers government. That will be interesting, the religious propping up a Eurocommunist government...
Progressive: No more Independent Tories, mostly! The last Indy Tory that didn't defect to the Green Regionalists in the aftermath of the election has joined the Progressives. To be honest, it was probably for the better that that coupon broke up because the only thing both of them agreed on was not invading Iraq and protecting against mass surveillance.
Green Regionalists: With all those Indy Tory MPs, they've sure really gained! Apparently want to use their extra influence to push for a "net zero immigration policy" and protecting all the green belts created in the 90s.
Minor Parties
Liberal: With 10 MPs, now approaching major party status thanks to their work on preserving civil liberties in the face of the last government. But even bigger news is that Charles Kennedy wants to take advantage of the provision in the Progressives' charter allow members of other parties to run for their leadership to run and win it, and merge the Liberals into the Progressives to push them towards an even more socially liberal and anti-authoritarian direction. If he succeeds, well, that won't go over well with the Progressives who like social engineering...
Common Wealth Labour: Mo Mowlam did one heck of a campaign despite still recovering from brain cancer. Sadly, she didn't gain any seats, but she's still one heck of a woman...
Conservatives: Maddie Marsden keeps proving that her party has zero audience other then her personal vote. They're probably doomed...
Vote Farron: Wow, they somehow managed to win a seat. I guess Farron the telecoms exec who owns Archangel knows how to really campaign with the youth via SMS, or something...
Accelerate!: I don't think Rick Perry has good instincts on leadership (surprising for a former Silicon Valley executive). If he did, why would he pick Nick Land as his deputy leader?
Who?
New Wellington Wells: Still pushing drugs. No, I don't care how much you say they "expand the human mind"; that's just silly. How many times does the National Constabulary have to come after you to learn your lesson?
Transhumanists: Still smarting over Rick Perry's dedefecting to them and setting up his own Accerlate! Party instead. But what can they do?
Norsefire: Listen, if you're going to be ultra-bigoted, at least do it respectably and join one of the National coupon parties. Wait, scratch that. They would just probably push them more right-wing...
Plaid Cymru: Has set their website to be solely Welsh today as part of a new campaign for the Welsh language.
Scottish National: The Tartan Tories are starting trying to court the Green Regionalist nationalist vote by campaigning for a Scottish Parliament. Maybe you should have tried that, I don't know, during the election campaign?
Four Freedoms: Want any new government formed to hold another referendum on joining the Euro. Like that's ever going to happen...
Mebyon Kernow: The usual blather about Western England stealing all their land.
Socialist Left: Are saying that the Socialist Workers are too socially reactionary. And to be fair, that is true. But no, no Briton wants to legalize human-animal marriage...
Libertarianz: With every new press release I am more and more sure that there name isn't a PR thing, but a real spelling mistake that they never recognized as one.
51st State: Why, God, why?
Continuity Independent Tories: Look mate, you're not going to make any headway against the Green Regionalists. You need to put aside your saltiness and accept the merger.
Major American Parties
Labor Party: Currently the largest party in America due to its dominance of both rural whites and urban minorities, the American Labor Party is founded on the social justice tenets of the Christian Socialist movement. The original standard-bearer of the party, President Jim Jones of Indiana, fulfilled the herculean task of bringing whites and minorities together under a banner of economic populism, social democracy, and strained racial tolerance which the party proudly continues to this day.
Current Party Dean: President Cedric Richmond of Louisiana
New Federalist Party: After Pres. Scranton oversaw the greatest economic downturn since the Great Depression, and cultural shifts have seen Pres. Goldwater's "decisive" actions in Southeast Asia now denounced as horrendous war crimes, the Republican Party- and conservative thought as a whole- was dead in the water. However, from the ashes of this party rose a new force, opposed to the malevolent expansion of government services (and nationalization of much of the country's energy grid) known as the New Federalist Party. Currently, the NFP stands for classical liberalism in economic policy, a robust national defense, and (above all) the continued devolution of legislative powers to local governments. Socially, they honestly don't give a damn, so long as it doesn't hurt them. Perfect for Suburban Whites!
Current Party Dean: Speaker of the House Tom Kean, Jr. of New Jersey
Minor American Parties
Traditional Enterprising Americans' Party: An American nationalist party that arose in response to the lack of fervent jingoism in the NFP. These bible-thumping, god-fearing, rootin-tootin' real Americans boast a watered-down version of the Labor Party's economic platform, but lacking any of the pro-racial unity bits. Also, their name is an acronym for TEA Party, because they're convinced that dog whistles for racism and fiscal populism was in line with the thinkers of the American revolution.
Current Party Dean: House Party Whip Steve King of Iowa
Free Hudsonia Party: A progressive party that's slightly more moderate on economic issues than Labor, and is ostensibly more socially progressive based primarily in New York City and Boston, these liberals also campaign for more autonomy to state governments a la the NFP, however, they do so on the basis that the current electoral system doesn't consistently allow the largest clusters of population in the country to decide policies for everyone else. If one good thing has come out of their lobbying, it's the advent of fusion tickets, which has made forming coalitions easier.
Current Party Dean: Vice President Andrew Cuomo of New York
Reform Party: At the moment, this party appears to be a tense, directionless coalition headed up by moderate classical liberals, but the Reformers have always championed fiscal prudence and isolationism. They've just historically pivoted towards the center on just about every other issue based on polling in an attempt to grab votes in national elections. It's performed surprising well for having started out as Mike Dell's vanity project. They're currently in denial about being nearly the exact same as the NFP.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Buddy Roemer of Louisiana
Incredibly Minor American Parties
Green Party: A one-note party devoted to preventing climate change, investing in green energy, and bolstering infrastructure for the inevitable wave of natural disasters that doom humanity, the Greens are opposed to Labor for their passive-aggressiveness towards environmentalism (gotta keep those coal miners in the coalition until you get the capital to have the TVA put a plant in every river!), the NFP for their general ambivalence towards the problem, and Free Hudsonia for not realizing that cities are a huge roadblock when it comes to sustainability. Despite being in line with the views of the sicentific community, political realities have had them branded as a bunch of doomsday preppers.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Michael Izquierdo of New York
Next Step: A transhumanist party borne from some of the biggest freaks in the Reform Party, this coalition has one seat in the House, and it's in Silicon Valley, unsurprisingly. "Their" platform, in addition to advocating increased research into cybernetics, nanotechnology, and brain-uploading, includes investment into America's digital infrastructure.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Martine Rothblatt of California
Independent Deseret: A big tent party for Mormons who think they're an entire different ethnic group.
Current Party Dean: Senator Aaron Eckhart of Utah
Demut: Somehow, the Amish have a party despite likely being unable to access the election-based documents. They are America's proudest Distributist organization, and ally with the Greens on farming issues, though they push for people to return to a more humble lifestyle. Also, "Demut" is Amish for "humble" or something.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Tripp York of Pennsylvania
Current Coalitions
Majority Government: Labor-Free Hudsonia: Between the Rust Belt, the rural South, Eastern coastal metropolises, and the poor areas of every other urban city, this coalition clearly dominates American politics, but cultural differences between the poor rural and the "city folk" have left President Richmond and Vice President Cuomo with a very unstable coalition to hold together in Congress.
Primary Opposition: New Federalist-Reform-Independent Deseret: Functionally, these parties share most of the same political beliefs (other than Reform getting all hot and bothered every time the NFP tries to go to war) and their control of the Mid-Atlantic, the Suburbs, and the (desolate) West have made them the natural opposition.
Unaffiliated: TEA, Green, Next Step, Demut: Nobody in any of the major parties would dare to be affiliated with Definitely Not Racists, Doomsday Preppers, the Borg, and/or the Amish.
Labor Party: Currently the largest party in America due to its dominance of both rural whites and urban minorities, the American Labor Party is founded on the social justice tenets of the Christian Socialist movement. The original standard-bearer of the party, President Jim Jones of Indiana, fulfilled the herculean task of bringing whites and minorities together under a banner of economic populism, social democracy, and strained racial tolerance which the party proudly continues to this day.
Current Party Dean: President Cedric Richmond of Louisiana
New Federalist Party: After Pres. Scranton oversaw the greatest economic downturn since the Great Depression, and cultural shifts have seen Pres. Goldwater's "decisive" actions in Southeast Asia now denounced as horrendous war crimes, the Republican Party- and conservative thought as a whole- was dead in the water. However, from the ashes of this party rose a new force, opposed to the malevolent expansion of government services (and nationalization of much of the country's energy grid) known as the New Federalist Party. Currently, the NFP stands for classical liberalism in economic policy, a robust national defense, and (above all) the continued devolution of legislative powers to local governments. Socially, they honestly don't give a damn, so long as it doesn't hurt them. Perfect for Suburban Whites!
Current Party Dean: Speaker of the House Tom Kean, Jr. of New Jersey
Minor American Parties
Traditional Enterprising Americans' Party: An American nationalist party that arose in response to the lack of fervent jingoism in the NFP. These bible-thumping, god-fearing, rootin-tootin' real Americans boast a watered-down version of the Labor Party's economic platform, but lacking any of the pro-racial unity bits. Also, their name is an acronym for TEA Party, because they're convinced that dog whistles for racism and fiscal populism was in line with the thinkers of the American revolution.
Current Party Dean: House Party Whip Steve King of Iowa
Free Hudsonia Party: A progressive party that's slightly more moderate on economic issues than Labor, and is ostensibly more socially progressive based primarily in New York City and Boston, these liberals also campaign for more autonomy to state governments a la the NFP, however, they do so on the basis that the current electoral system doesn't consistently allow the largest clusters of population in the country to decide policies for everyone else. If one good thing has come out of their lobbying, it's the advent of fusion tickets, which has made forming coalitions easier.
Current Party Dean: Vice President Andrew Cuomo of New York
Reform Party: At the moment, this party appears to be a tense, directionless coalition headed up by moderate classical liberals, but the Reformers have always championed fiscal prudence and isolationism. They've just historically pivoted towards the center on just about every other issue based on polling in an attempt to grab votes in national elections. It's performed surprising well for having started out as Mike Dell's vanity project. They're currently in denial about being nearly the exact same as the NFP.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Buddy Roemer of Louisiana
Incredibly Minor American Parties
Green Party: A one-note party devoted to preventing climate change, investing in green energy, and bolstering infrastructure for the inevitable wave of natural disasters that doom humanity, the Greens are opposed to Labor for their passive-aggressiveness towards environmentalism (gotta keep those coal miners in the coalition until you get the capital to have the TVA put a plant in every river!), the NFP for their general ambivalence towards the problem, and Free Hudsonia for not realizing that cities are a huge roadblock when it comes to sustainability. Despite being in line with the views of the sicentific community, political realities have had them branded as a bunch of doomsday preppers.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Michael Izquierdo of New York
Next Step: A transhumanist party borne from some of the biggest freaks in the Reform Party, this coalition has one seat in the House, and it's in Silicon Valley, unsurprisingly. "Their" platform, in addition to advocating increased research into cybernetics, nanotechnology, and brain-uploading, includes investment into America's digital infrastructure.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Martine Rothblatt of California
Independent Deseret: A big tent party for Mormons who think they're an entire different ethnic group.
Current Party Dean: Senator Aaron Eckhart of Utah
Demut: Somehow, the Amish have a party despite likely being unable to access the election-based documents. They are America's proudest Distributist organization, and ally with the Greens on farming issues, though they push for people to return to a more humble lifestyle. Also, "Demut" is Amish for "humble" or something.
Current Party Dean: House Party Leader Tripp York of Pennsylvania
Current Coalitions
Majority Government: Labor-Free Hudsonia: Between the Rust Belt, the rural South, Eastern coastal metropolises, and the poor areas of every other urban city, this coalition clearly dominates American politics, but cultural differences between the poor rural and the "city folk" have left President Richmond and Vice President Cuomo with a very unstable coalition to hold together in Congress.
Primary Opposition: New Federalist-Reform-Independent Deseret: Functionally, these parties share most of the same political beliefs (other than Reform getting all hot and bothered every time the NFP tries to go to war) and their control of the Mid-Atlantic, the Suburbs, and the (desolate) West have made them the natural opposition.
Unaffiliated: TEA, Green, Next Step, Demut: Nobody in any of the major parties would dare to be affiliated with Definitely Not Racists, Doomsday Preppers, the Borg, and/or the Amish.
Fictionland, American Style
Circa 2016
Democrats
-President Underwood: Honestly, I don't actually care that his dad was a klansman. It's the sleaze, the welfare "reform" and the warmongering that make him a shit president.
-Heather Dunbar: Living proof that you can have the most attractive platform imaginable, a well put together campaign and be running against The Last Dixiecrat and it still isn't enough to primary an incumbent president.
-Selina Meyer: I get that she doesn't want to be VP anymore but surely it would cost less money just to resign?
Republicans
In order from least to most awful.
-Will Conway: Handsome, charismatic and actually sane. Pity about the obvious narcissism.
-Fitzgerald Grant: A corrupt, sleazy adulterer. That he's one of the better options should tell you something about the current state of the Republican Party.
- Curtis Haas : No longer the most punchable man in politics.
-Bill Kraft: Wants to ban all technology that was invented after the 30's. Also, he says that he's in the race because the king of Prussia ordered him to. Yeah.
-Nehemiah Scudder: Fresh from praising Buzz Windrip and calling a heckler a mutie, now says he wants to do to Los Angeles and San Francisco "As the Lord did onto Sodom and Gomorrah". Currently polling in first place in Iowa because of course he is.
- Greg Stillson: Run.
Libertarians
- Ron Swanson: Seems fairly decent to be honest. Still, it says something about the Libertarians that you can go straight from City Councillor to Presidential candidate.
- Alexander Hope: Whining about how 2008 was stolen from him got old in 2012. Now it's just sad.
Green Party
-Captain Planet: Of all the superheroes in the world, why him?
Circa 2016
Democrats
-President Underwood: Honestly, I don't actually care that his dad was a klansman. It's the sleaze, the welfare "reform" and the warmongering that make him a shit president.
-Heather Dunbar: Living proof that you can have the most attractive platform imaginable, a well put together campaign and be running against The Last Dixiecrat and it still isn't enough to primary an incumbent president.
-Selina Meyer: I get that she doesn't want to be VP anymore but surely it would cost less money just to resign?
Republicans
In order from least to most awful.
-Will Conway: Handsome, charismatic and actually sane. Pity about the obvious narcissism.
-Fitzgerald Grant: A corrupt, sleazy adulterer. That he's one of the better options should tell you something about the current state of the Republican Party.
- Curtis Haas : No longer the most punchable man in politics.
-Bill Kraft: Wants to ban all technology that was invented after the 30's. Also, he says that he's in the race because the king of Prussia ordered him to. Yeah.
-Nehemiah Scudder: Fresh from praising Buzz Windrip and calling a heckler a mutie, now says he wants to do to Los Angeles and San Francisco "As the Lord did onto Sodom and Gomorrah". Currently polling in first place in Iowa because of course he is.
- Greg Stillson: Run.
Libertarians
- Ron Swanson: Seems fairly decent to be honest. Still, it says something about the Libertarians that you can go straight from City Councillor to Presidential candidate.
- Alexander Hope: Whining about how 2008 was stolen from him got old in 2012. Now it's just sad.
Green Party
-Captain Planet: Of all the superheroes in the world, why him?