The First Alternate Party Run-Down Thread

[AndrewH]

Four Glorious Years
​

February 2nd, 2024

Major Parties
Democratic: Why are we still covering this? It's basically set in stone after yesterday, but I have to keep up appearances I guess.

- President Gillibrand: Still the most popular politician in America, still running up the score after the Iowa caucus, still turning the Democratic Party red. I don't understand how she managed to make nationalization look cool, but somehow she did it. If you asked me ten years ago if I thought Kirsten "Hillary the Second" Gillibrand would make socialism viable in this country, I would've had you locked up in a nuthouse.
- Tom Steyer: Totally not angry that he got less than 10% of the vote, totally. Must be tough to run a tech-savvy campaign when your campaign website is still running on GeoCities.​

Republican: Now, here comes the real interesting part...

- Donald Trump: Just when you thought he was gone, he's back, better than ever! First interview after the big campaign announcement was from a hospital bed with various tubes running up his nose, and he was largely focused on insulting Joe Scarborough and NBC. Ahhh, this takes me back to the good ol' days!
- Kelli Ward: Was furious that Jeff Flake called her a "radical Republican," and then proceeded to rant about "brownskinned Hispanics" coming into the border by the thousands. Congratulations Flake, I don't know how you did it, but you gave her juuust enough rope to hang herself with.
- Larry Hogan: Has begun hinting that he might run third if he doesn't get the nomination, which if his results in Iowa tell us anything, the GOP won't be losing sleep over it.
- Ted Cruz: Went from being the odds-on favorite to back of the pack in twelve hours. The life of Ted Cruz would be Shakespearean in its tragedy if it wasn't so damn funny.
- Nick Freitas: Nothing to see here, just building up enough support to get the nod in 2028 (and get re-elected this year).
- Tom Cotton: The once-future of the Republican Party got less than 3,000 votes in the Caucus, which is... not surprising, really? When your biggest competition is a write-in campaign from a former President, there ain't much you can do.
- Scott Walker: Withdrew the day before the Caucus to save himself the embarrassment of doing worse than Tom Cotton.
​

Minor Parties
Libertarian: Despite the fact that the Republican Primaries are looking like a slow-motion car crash, the Libertarians are still as irrelevant as ever, and I doubt if they'll ever be able to recover after that disaster four years ago.

- Vince Vaughn: A bit late to the whole "celebrity politician" party, but as the only candidate who has name recognition and isn't an already-ran, Vaughn probably has this thing in the bag.
- Adam Kokesh: As his track-record with the Libertarian Party is largely "halving their popular vote total after their most successful campaign ever," I wouldn't count on him getting the nomination again.
- Ed Lopez: The former National Vice-Chairman of the Republican Liberty Caucus, which according to my research, is just as meaningless as it sounds.
- Marc Allen Feldman: His personal website redirects you to a Cleveland Injury Lawyer, which really tells you all you need to know.​

Green: Surprisingly, not a clown-car primary like last time! Sucks that Gillibrand is to the left of them now, they could've stood a chance at breaking 1% of the vote this election.

- Kshama Sawant: A young(ish), charming leftist who has actual experience in elected office! ...still not technically a member of the Green Party, but she campaigned for Jill Stein the past few elections, and unlike her, actually seems to give a damn about local elections.
- Kent Mesplay: A perennial candidate, so we don't have to worry about any last-minute convention coups this time around.​

Other parties:
Common Sense: Their first National Convention just started, and instead of providing an articulate vision and platform for America... they're talking about David Brooks' cheating on his wife?
Traditional Worker's Party: owning the libs by having their presidential nominee wear adult diapers
2020 Vision: I don't have a clue on what Evan McMullin is running on this election, but he has a really nice "friendly politician" voice, so he's got my vote!
Constitution Party: A time capsule of Tea Party far-right politics. It seems so quaint in hindsight.
#LetFreedomRing: Austin Peterson is still really bitter that he's banned from the Libertarian Party, and is now basically using it as a soapbox to talk about why poor people don't deserve to live.
American Delta Party: Still pretending that people know or care about Rocky de la Fuente, moving on.
Watters' World: A vanity vehicle for a Senate run two years ago is apparently still kicking, and is nominating... Joe the Plumber? Does anybody but me even remember that guy?
Continuity Reform Party: Now that's what left of the original party infrastructure has been absorbed by the ADP, the five people who were against this decided that they could run their own political party, with blackjack, and hookers! I will not be surprised if they disband by the time this post goes up, they're that irrelevant.

 

[Bolt451]

Party rundown for the Republic of Great Britain,


Progressive: Back bench MP Murdo Fraser attacked both his own Parliamentary leader Johann lamont and President Wallace over Intervention in Bavaria. Despite having a large arms manufacturer in his constituency. Don’t know if this is principled or he’s still bitter about losing the 2015 Primaries to Wallace.
Conservative: The party leadership spent far too much time about a press release by a former Tory minister under President Parsons writing a newspaper column about how good Anthony Parsons was.


Minor Parties

Democrat: Tried to land a punch on the Green leader for sharing a platform with someone the Nats over fracking. Even though some in the Progs dont support fracking and some in the nats do and oh no I’ve gone cross eyed.
Green: Did a net release about how they’re polling 7.5% in Orkney and Shetlands. Its now a race to see which will win first, the Greens or the rising sea levels.
Pàrtaidh na h-Alba: *a tumbleweed but in Scotts Gaelic*
English Party: *a tumbleweed but in Geordie and/or Cumbrian* Well technically not true, they once again used their one MP to bring up proposals for an English Parliament despite having more directly elected mayors and more powerful local councils than Scotland.
Which brings us onto


Northern Ireland:

Sinn Fein: Stop what you’re doing and look at the video of the MP for Belfast West and the Alba MP agree on more divrse languages and then watch we the Shinner refuse to go to Edinbrugh to vote for it. You can pause it and see the moment the Scotsman's heart breaks
Ulster Unionist: Really like President Wallace’s pro business stance
Ulster Traditionalist: Really hate President Wallace’s pro Queer stance. Which of these two you’re in seems to be decided by what your priorities are.




Party Rundown for the Worker's Republic of Britain:

Workers: Yep, still in power, funny that

“Party” Rundown for the Worker’s Republic of Britain

Unionist: Another month, another shit joke in the Congress about a misunderstanding of the term “Unionist” This time It was the Centralist Rep for Cheptstow and the Forest, Tim Congdon, trying to be funny while criticising the Chairmans proposals for improved rail links north-south. P H R E S H H U M O U R
Centralist: Still fighting amongst themselves over their need for Eco support in Congress Vs really REALLY liking factories
Ecology: Stop trying to make cottage industries a thing. There are forty million people in the WRB.
Syndicalist: Won a by-election! No, but a union one! That makes two union reps, and literally the rest of them geographical. Never change, Synners.
Liberal: Their net-profile still has its design from 2002 and that makes me warm and fuzzy inside.
Internationalists: Released a press release calling for stronger ties with the USSR. in response, Chairman Grudinin released one saying “Wait you guys are still going? I could’ve sworn reunification… never mind”

 

[Masteroftheuniverse]

Fictionland

Major Parties
Conservative: As if Petrov, ISIS and the Kaiju weren't already enough to deal with, Hacker's opened his mouth again. See, this is how we know Urquart wasn't really a murderer- he'd have bumped Hacker off years ago.
Labour: Desperately hoping that Tucker isn't really going to write a tell-all book. They needn't worry, it'd probably be unpublishable. Also, stupid rumours about Alex DeLarge being a juvenile delinquent but who gives a shit.
Liberal Democrats: Look guys, Harold Saxon was over a decade ago. You can stop apologizing now.

Minor Parties
Waldo Movement: Still twats.
David Owen Party: Somehow still exists, even though most of it's members are actually NPP infiltrators. If Owen falls out with them, what is he going to call his next party?
New Patriotic Party: Now that Europe is less of an issue, desperately trying to drum up interest in Martian colonisation schemes. I can't pretend that the thought of Gerry Stagg trying to negotiate with an angry Thark doesn't amuse me.
Progressive Federalists: Now that Europe is less of an issue, have started calling for greater rights for "the differently powered". Don't worry, Magneto probably won't kill you for using the word mutant.
Revived English Socialist Party: Oceania nostalgia is not and never will be a thing and neither will they.
Norsefire: Their website says that society has become too feminised. Interesting thoughts from a party that used to be led by a man named Susan.
Free People: The mask isn't clever and neither are all the fucking Vs. Just show yourself like a normal person.
Standing at the Back Dressed Stupidly and Looking Stupid Party: Not as funny as they think they are.
Humanity First: Calling for the simultaneous invasion of all the inner planets and the inner Earth. That's just asking for another bunch of extra-solar aliens to invade.

 

[Oppo]

David Owen Party

/thread

 

[Cevolian]

#Accelerate
or Nick Landia, Fear and Loathing in the Decade of Schizophrenia​

Major Parties in the Union of Great Britain

Major Parties:

#Accelerate We've already got to the part of having a crazed academic as our President where things get boring after entrenched bureaucracies kick in and explain he can't actually sell off the entire government to Sino-American oligarchs in order to "accelerate the fundamental transformations of capitalism"... whatever that means. It kind of looks like Nick Land is going to be another lame duck like Miliband was, especially seeing as he only has the third most seats in his three party Parliamentary coalition...

New Centre / Alliance of Liberals and Democrats After the special "joint conference" last week where only the NC name was used and Nick Clegg got ten times more airtime than Ashdown, I'm not actually sure whether or not the ALD still exists. Not that it matters really... what name the "don't worry we'll only sell most of the country off to foreign investors" party takes doesn't matter so much. It'll be interesting to see whether control of the ALD NEC can be wrested from the Skeddites though, and whether that means putting Britain under the aegis of the European Reconstruction Authority can finally become official policy...

National Nick Clegg keeps commenting on the destruction of Britain's "old political order", but since Nick Land just announced that after the resignation of #Accelerate's Tim Aker, Leon Brittan is going to be Prime Minsiter for the eight time since the war. Yeah National totally aren't directing government policy... never mind they're a multi-million dollar organisation with the backing of the international financial elite and 41% of the people as of the last legislative election, they're totally finished. If National can survive having fucked up the Reonstruction Authority and literally losing a nuclear war, Nick Clegg and Nick Land aren't going to end them...

British Workers' Have now dropped below 5,000 registered members, and are now overtly financially reliant on National (unlike before when they at least pretended the Trade Unions who supported them were real). All of these members are the people you've argued with about the existence of "Red National" under Roy "I privatised the NHS" Major and who don't see the irony of claiming a party which segregated it's working class members into their own party is "actually a cross class alliance" and not a middle class party.​

Popular Front

Radical Left (/Radical Left - The Movement) It looks like Ted Miliband realised how cringey the whole "use your own initials!" Party name is when Nick Clegg started and it's been dropped now. He didn't use "The Movement" in his Presidential re-election campaign back in February, but some Radical Left candidates did in the legislative elections. Miliband is allegedly thinking about retiring, which means China Mieville will probably get the nod, though since he didn't resign at conference this might not be true.It's strange to think that Miliband quit the socialists over their opposition to deindustrialisation (or as he's calling it a "green revolution") last year, only to turn himself into a lame duck, split the left vote with Crow (losing the Presidential election)...

Socialist ...only for the party to elect Arch-Left-Environmentalist Caroline Lucas (a former Never Again activist for fucks sake) as their chairman at this week's post-election conference and happily reaffirmed Bob Crow's allegedly temporary popular front arrangement with Miliband...

Workers' ...which has led three "Industrial Socialist" MPs to defect and join a minor Communist Party, but for some reason they've stayed in the Populr Front to promote "left unity". The Left in Britain is too much of a mess to cope with at this point.

Continuity Never Again After President Icke turned out to be crazy Never Again declined somewhat, and they haven't really recovered. They're trying to become a "Green Party" now, but the Popular Front only endorsed one of their candidates on its list (who did incidentally win) in the legislative elections so they're somewhat locked out of electoral success. On the bright side their "micro conference" at the Popualr Front's Peoples's Assembly saw them finally formally drop "Funded by the Estate of the Late Stephen Fry" from their name.
​

Regional Parties:

All for Ulster For once they've actually debated changing "Ulster" to the North, in that only about three quarters of the old UK's already watered down "Ulster" is still in it... Also debated mandating Orange Order membership though so "progress" is a little uneven. Jim Allister is still Northern Ireland's PM, and he's still trying to ban "sodomy" after all. Nick Land might just sell Northern Ireland though, so I might not have to write about these guys anymore soon.

Fianna Fáil Their slow creep North continues, soon Fianna Fáil might even complete their insidious plan of forming an opposition caucus large enough to challenge the government! Sinn Fein remain suspicious, and AfU remain steadfast in their refusal to admit that the "Irish Borde War" was an excuse by the UVF and UDA to use the nuclear apocalypse to commit a genocide.

Republican Sinn Fein Gerry Adams was finally released from prison this week, and left the North for the Republic seemingly for good. The Americans have denied that they've been running guns to the IRA again as well, though this seems dubious. Peter King is visiting again next week as President Paul's ambassador though, so maybe we'll find out more then... especially if he gets stopped for all the dirty money he's bringing into the region.

The Sons of Wales Welsh Liberation Army terrorist attacks killed fewer people in February 2018 than February 2017! So that's something to be proud of. Wales went weird after the dual blows of Scotland calling itself "Caledonia" and running off on its own and the atomic bombings of Cardiff, Swansea, Angelesey and Newport. National dissolving the Welsh government from 2005-2014 after they elected a Socialist majority government probably didn't hep either...

Welsh Cross-Community Alliance A quite sensible moderate party which is pro-devolution but not rabidly nationalist... which is why they've been enormously unsuccessful here in Britain.

English National Party Are surprised that the key endorsement of a party which has never managed to elect more than four MPs didn't turn Nick Land, a man who once described Europe as "the racial traschan of Eurasia" into a bleeding heart English Nationalist. Have now pivoted to backing AFB.

English Cross-Community Alliance Like the Welsh version, but a lot less relevant.

Minor Parties:

Alternative For Britain Not really a minor party (they have more MPs than #Acceleeate after all), but since they've only got seats in the national parliament and not in the Welsh devolved assembly or any elected mayors they're still technically a "minor party". If they can distance themselves from both Land and National this hard right "anti-Political Correctness" party might elect the next President. In more recent news, David Kurten has stepped down as leader, and AMW has announced she's going for it again... you'd think people wouldn't actually like her since she's very much an "establishment" politician (she was a British Workers minister under Fenner for those who don't remember) but she keeps coming second...

David Icke's The New Order David Icke is still in parliament (and still batshit) so I still have to keep this here, even if I have no intention of researching what he's up to.

One Britain, One Europe Anna Soubry's latest claim that joining the ERA would be good for democracy shows, once again, that she has no idea what the ERA is or does.

 

[Gentleman Biaggi]

Political Parties of the United Socialist People’s Republic of North America

Government:
Worker’s Alliance
The Worker’s Alliance has been the dominant Communist Party of The SPRNA since the 1938 coup of president Al Smith. Due to the power that Communism has over the modern world, the Worker’s Alliance has near complete control over the SPRNA. President of the Socialist Council of the SPRNA Bernard Sanders won’t shut up about his “new ideas” and “national reform” even though he’s been in power since 1983 and literally nothing has changed since Russell Long was President.

“Opposition”
Haitian National Party
As basically everyone knows, the SPRNA spent most of the 80s invading countries in the Carribean and in the Arctic because muh Communist expansion. However, Haiti didn’t like this for some reason. Who could’ve possibly guessed that Haitians didn’t like being bossed around by white people who want more land for their purposes? So anyway the HNP was created to try to support independence for Haiti. However, like most opposition parties in the SPRNA, the HNP is basically a paramilitary organization that tries to get elected once and a while. While the HNP hasn’t gotten anyone elected yet, neither has any other opposition, but at least they have started countless riots and attacks against the government.

People’s Revolution
Oh look, Lyndon LaRouche is in Canada trying to jumpstart his personality cult in the SPRNA even after failing to overthrow the SPRNA government twice (1978, 1989), failing to do anything at all with the Canadian version of this party (1979-1985, 1989-1992, 1993-2001, 2002-2015, 2017-2018), failing to start a pro-LaRouchite revolution in the Carribean (1992), and failing to become president of Mexico before returning to Canada for the 4th time (2001-2002). This guy has spent more time in returning to Canada after failing than I will spend breathing in my life. This dude got so annoying to Canadians that they deported him twice (1986, 2015) and he still returned. This party basically believes whatever LaRouche believes, which is usually insane, so don’t expect much sanity from this.

Christan Democrats
While these guys were once a sane group of exiled politicians lead by Billy Graham from Mexico, they then got taken over by radicals, the “Religious Right” and edgy Ancaps, and pushed Graham to the UK. These guys will somehow have less of an effect than the LaRouchites, because ancaps, radical conservatives, and the “Religious Right” can never get anything done

 

[Steve Brinson]

Majority (512):
Reform celebrated its centennial this yeer. I have to wonder what old Woody Wilson wood think of seeing Deval Patrick as eir apparent to the Presidency. He cood probably get along with Lincon Chafee, tho.
Sam Webb of the Popular Front probably remembers the first time Reform came around. In fact, the only thing older than jokes about Sam Webb's age... is Sam Webb.

Minority (489):
The Christian Democrats had a nice convenshon too. You no what I really think Micky Huckabee mite find even nicer? A running mate who's speaking to him. Oh, and also frends.
Akording to the Liberal Party, convenshons are jail. Also akording to the Liberal Party, jails are fine as long as they're non-government.
I don't no whether People for a New American Censhury shood really be here. Legally speaking, I think they're a medical supply cumpany in more districts than they are a legitimit party.
I guess Berny Sanders just started the Left Block because he wanted to hand leedership of the American left over to a new generashon. (Get it? Because Sam Webb is older than dirt? Ah, well, gotta lighten the mood before another PopFront splitter sinks beneath the waves)
The Seventy States Alliance - Constitution Party is having a little bit of a brakedown. Becuz if you try to put tugether Michael Barry and Kaniela Ing, you're going to end up with the kind of party that contains both Michael Barry and Kaniela Ing.

 

[President Eternal]

Political Parties of the United States, c. 2044

Unity Party: Has been enjoying a more or less solid majority in Congress ever since its formation in the 2020s. But that's to be expected when you're a tent formed by all the moderates from the old Democrats and Republicans who finally got sick of both parties' increasing shift away from center, and the resultantly intense partisan deadlock that accompanied it. Now, there's a party for everyone who holds to the radical concept that governments are supposed to have these odd things called "compromise" and "cooperation" between left wing and right wing policies.

New Progressive Party: Some people still call them the Democrats, even though they stopped calling themselves that after their moderates and right-leaning members defected to join Unity, and the left-wing rump then united with the Green Party. It was a good union - the former Democrats shored up their numbers and base, and the Green actually became relevant for the first time.

Republican Party: The only remnant of the old two-party system still clinging to its old identity. Not quite as "grand" an old party as it was in its glory days, what with the center-leaning bunch joining Unity and the more radical right-wingers splintering off more than once, but still the party of the country's mainstream right.

Libertarians: Like the former Greens, no longer a joke of a party, courtesy of absorbing the Tea Party when they finally tried to break away from the Republicans to stand on their own and floundered.

Patriot Party: The unholy spawn (as far as the other parties are concerned) of the Freedom Caucus and the Constitution Party, who copied the origin of the NPP - the Caucus and its wing of the GOP broke with the other Republicans when idealogical differences grew too great and merged with the largest of the like-minded small-scale parties to shore up their base. Is now the favored party of the old alt-right movements.

 

[Bolt451]

@Cevolian Nick Land as UK Prez? why do you make me cry like this?

Nick Landia is a really good title though!!

 

[Cevolian]

@Cevolian Nick Land as UK Prez? why do you make me cry like this?

Nick Landia is a really good title though!!

It's pretty dark yeah, and that's before the nuclear war...

But thanks! I did a list on it a while ago, of which there is a revised version in my test thread!

 

[Gentleman Biaggi]

Political Parties of the United States of America

Republican: So you guys spent a solid week talking about how you’re definitely not to blame for what Cheney did? Have fun getting crushed.

Labor: Alright we get it, Bernie was in jail for fighting Cheney’s polices, just shut up about it and win in a landslide.

Democratic: You’re really running as a socially conservative version of Labor? I’m sure social conservatism is really popular after Cheney jailed everybody who wasn’t socially Conservative, have fun being the LibDems of the 2nd Republic

People’s: Basically Labor with a lighter version of the Conservative’s economic policy, you guys will somehow alienate everyone while trying to alienate nobody

California National Party: You guys should be really popular in California post-Cheney, just purge guys like Bob Dornan from your party, and you’ll be fine.

Libertarian: You’re support for personal freedom seems cool, but the fact you’re to the fucking right of the Republicans on economics means you’ll get your ass kicked everywhere that isn’t the rural West

Greens: YEAH SAM ADAMS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO00ÔÖÒÓŒØŌÕOOOOoøo (@Yes)

New England Freedom: Prepare to be the poor mans CNP for all eternity!

Prohibition: Considering the temperance movement came back for some fucking reason, you guys could win some votes. Oh wait, you guys chose the mayor who basically started a city-wide war after one guy opened an illegal bar. Have fun getting your ass beat.

 

[Mumby]

'The road less travelled, until HE FIXED THE ROAD'

HM Government - 'The Right Coalition'

Fianna Fail - The New Social Democrats - Rumours that Lord Umunna might be tempted to rejoin the party were thoroughly quashed this week in an explosive interview that I think twelve people read. Seems he's not a fan of a party that shaking hands with the heirs to the alt-right.

Democratic Unionist - One of their councillors in Birmingham has been arrested for vandalism, and the party has come out in support of him. After all, there's no harm in a mural of Nigel Farage. Right? RIGHT?

Conservative - Somehow being in government again for the first time in nearly twenty years is killing them more surely than being in opposition all that time, what with the defection of Grant Pierce to the DUP last month. I just want another leadership election, is that too much to ask?

HM Most Loyal Opposition

Labour - You wouldn't think they are still the largest party would you? The government is literally held together by mutual hate-fucking, but all they want to argue about is how either Madigan was robbed or she should never have been Leader in the first place.

Other Opposition

The Liberals: A Movement For Europe - PEOPLE STILL KNOW WHO EMMANUEL MACRON IS RIGHT. FIANNA FAIL MADE PUNCTUATION IN THEIR NAME WORK. WHAT IF WE COMBINE THE SQUISHY CENTRISM WE'RE FAMOUS FOR WITH SPOOKY PAN-EUROPEAN NATIONALISM THAT EVERYONE FINDS UNNERVING EVEN OURSELVES. PLEASE IGNORE THAT LADY SWINSON IS SITTING AS A CROSSBENCHER NOW.

 

[Cevolian]

I don't understand @Mumby is that a Britain ruled by Fianna Fáil??? :O

 

[wwbgdiaslt]

It looks like a government with a DUP/Fianna-Fail/Tory Coalition in charge, but ostensibly the Tories in charge.

 

[Mumby]

I don't understand @Mumby is that a Britain ruled by Fianna Fáil??? :O

It looks like a government with a DUP/Fianna-Fail/Tory Coalition in charge, but ostensibly the Tories in charge.

Fianna Fail is the biggest party on the Right, though the PM is Conservative to try and stop the FF and DUP biting each other. The Conservatives are the third biggest party and smaller even than the Liberals, having been badly divided in post-Brexit Britain and with the rise of British FF and the expansion of the DUP onto the mainland and the emergence of the Liberals once more, no-one is really sure what they are for.

 

[Cevolian]

'Fratelli Britannia'​

Governing Parties ('Coalition of the Right'):

Anglian League Now that they're trying to get into power they've apparently dropped the batshit "Southern Exceptionalism and fuck the North" thing in favour of bland English nationalism... Since Alan Craig said that as Mayor of London he'd have any "potential terrorists" shot by snipers in the rooftops we might all be fucked. Still, fuck The Demorats right?? Glad we got the libtards out of power for fucking up so badly by... having Forwards in power during the financial crisis...

Forwards Britain After that election the only pleasant thing I can say about it is that I'm A) glad Max Mosley has had his dream of being returned to the premiership fucked even when his sentence ends, and B) glad his "independent press regulator" is finally being looked into... Does anyone remember when we had an actual Conservative Party and the right weren't complete bastards? I don't, but I'm sure there are some old people on the internet...

Brothers of Saint George Actualy fascists, and yet somehow some of the most honourable people in government.

For Britain Bland Christian Democrats, though Winston Mackenzie is still a member and still an MP, so that's something!

Official Opposition Parties:

Four Nations Movement No one still actually knows what this Party stands for; the official "leader" Zac Goldsmith is essentially a moderate (probably capitalist) eco-libertarian, but it seems like Russel Brand is actually the party leader, and lead all the deal making to form a government after the election. Which makes this a Left libertarian party maybe? Direct and "e" democracy both sound fun for everything, but they aren't always the best option after all, but are super populistic. So is this just a generic populist party then which just happens to be more socially inclusive? Wholly anti-elite rather than anti-immigrant? I don't know... but woo, populism! Who needs experienced leaders with a cohesive plan?

Parties which continue to disappoint ('Coalition of the Left'):


The Democrats Tristram Hunt was Prime Minister two years ago, and now he isn't even a Leader of the Opposition, all because he refuses to pander to populists. In any year other than 2018 this would be one of the biggest shockwaves since everything collapsed in the 90s. In 2018 the party of government sinking to third is nothing at all. Sue Slipman's big press conference saw her promise to "muse on how to fix the issues at hand"... if this means Slipman is PM again and leads us back to the glory days of The Democrats selling out their radical principles... well, I hate to say it, but I'd be surprisingly happy if it means winning.

Europe 2020 Nick Clegg weirdly thinks that he's still a "moderate" despite his entire pitch now being "Europe, a Nation" and further European integration. His new book "How To Stop Populism (and Make Europe Great Again)" came out just after the election, and in it he allegedly proscribes UNTRAMMELED POWER TO THE ECB. Fantastic.

More United Caroline Lucas continues to be nice... probably. I mean honestly why would I have looked MU up at this point?

Civic List Hobetsly I still don't get how Anna Soubry ended up on the left. Some things are just mysterious these days...

Others:

​

For The Many Friendly reminder that John McDonnel was a Acting President until last year, and now he can't even break 4% of the vote. B I G B E A S T.

Britons Abroad Just not even a good idea for a party.

 

[Bolt451]

@Cevolian I'm having White Town flashbacks having read the Four Nations Movement bit

also @Mumby "The government is literally held together by mutual hate-fucking," is possibly my favourite line on this thread if not this forum

 

[Sideways]

A Year of May
Based on what we'd be doing now if my prediction in June 2017 had come true.​

Major
Conservative: Boris Johnson and any other opponents of Big Mother have been banished to the darkest reaches of the backbenches and we're heading towards the first election where you need ID to vote with Labour in chaos. So, this'll be another shitshow
Labour: Less than 150 MPs to start with and I'm not sure it's getting better. Benn would probably have been fine during the Russian poisoning stuff, but he's acting stilted and weird about Grenfell. No wonder the party's still in freefall with its membership.
SNP: Apparently not the official party of opposition. Which will be news to fucking everyone.
Liberal Democrats: With a year to go till Brexit and a 114 seat majority for the Tories even the Lib Dems are thoroughly depressed about this.
Green: Molly Scott Cato has been talking about economics on TV again. Again. The three woman parliamentary team made up of a kook, a brexiteer and Jon Bartley's other half is starting to look like a mistake. At least membership just tipped over 60,000.
Independent Group: Not really a thing, but we've got Bercow and Abbott and Corbyn and BoJo and Davis and Anne Marie Morris and Herman of course. The awkward squad is growing. As Green and the other pervs get more certain that they're not getting back in they're getting more critical too. Let's be honest, this is the fourth biggest parliamentary group and is providing more of an opposition than fucking Labour right now.
Plaid Cymru: Shushed the few people at conference who talked about the need to work with the Tories in future. I think they're seriously considering that the next government of Wales will be Tory and they'll have to cosy up to Labour.

Other
UKIP: Anne Marie Waters would probably be under arrest by now if she wasn't leader of a formerly important party.
Co-Operative Party: Getting used as a football in Labour's political in-fighting. Again. Again.
Scottish Green Party: Are selling their awesome art nouveau t-shirts in my size and everything is good forever.
One Britain: Peter Whittle's party has had the endorsement of Farage and it's got six MEPs and a few Welsh Assembly AMs and a London AM and it's definitely a real party. For real. So why were there only like a hundred people at their Spring Conference?

Northern Ireland
DUP: Are being surprisingly quiet and taking what they're given since the latest bitch-slap against Northern Ireland plans
Sinn Fein: Have got their language act, now the greater challenge, can they shut the fuck up about it?
Alliance: It's nice to have Naomi back in Westminster after her illness, but, to use a phrase, as leader and lead negotiator and every other thing, doesn't she look tired? Seriously. Is there anyone else in the party who can help her out?
SDLP: Hanging on with their one MP, pretending to be relavent and ignoring rumours that they're about to be eaten by Fianna Fail.

Minor Parties
Left Unity: The Party That Ate Momentum is looking at standing 100 candidates in the locals. We;ll see how they do come SoPN Day
WEP: Likely they'll have over 50 council candidates and are getting excited about changing their name to the Women & Equality Party. They think they can be the party that overtakes
Justice League: Jon Lansman should have asked a teenager before trying to pull a Macron

Incomplete Cabinet Lists

Conservative Cabinet
Prime Minister: Theresa May
Chancellor: Amber Rudd
Foreign Affairs: Sajid Javid
Home Office: Priti Patel
First Secretary of State: Liz Truss
Defence: Gavin Williamson
Justice:
Brexit:
International Trade:
Health:
Education: Graham Brady
Business:
Work and Pensions:
Transport:
Local Government:
Housing:
Equality:
Culture:
International Development:
Environment and Rural Affairs:
Energy and Climate Change:
Wales:
Scotland:
Northern Ireland: Philip Hammond

Labour Shadow Cabinet
Leader of the Opposition: Hilary Benn
Chancellor: John Woodcock
Foreign Affairs: Chukka Umunna
Home Office: David Lammy
First Secretary of State:
Defence:
Justice:
Brexit: Stephen Kinnock
International Trade:
Health:
Education:
Business:
Work and Pensions: Mark Hendrick
Transport:
Local Government: Ben Bradshaw
Housing:
Equality: Jess Phillips
Culture:
International Development:
Environment and Rural Affairs:
Energy and Climate Change: Ed Miliband
Wales: Chris Evans
Scotland:
Northern Ireland:


Liberal Democrat Frontbench Team
Leader: Jo Swinson
Deputy: Sarah Olney
Home Affairs: Sarah Olney
Treasury: Nick Clegg
Foreign Affairs and Brexit: Tim Farron
Chief Whip: Alistair Carmichael
Business and Industrial Strategy: Gordon Birtwistle
Health: Christine Jardine
Energy and Climate Change: Julien Huppert
Defence: Christine Jardine
Equality: Jo Swinson
Work and Pensions: Gordon Birtwistle
Aging and Social Care: Mark Williams
Food and Environment: Mark Williams
International Development: Tim Farron
Education: Eluned Parrott
Scotland: Elizabeth Riches
Wales: Mark Williams
Northern Ireland: Eluned Parrott
Justice: Simon Hughes
Culture Media and Sport: Christine Jardine

 

[skaven]

Chancellor: John Woodcock

Nice to see Justice and Development being put first in Labour.

 

[Bulldoggus]

I'm in Control Here
Military
Army "Traditionalists"- Now that Abe has finally consolidated his power, he can begin the bold reform of... having BAE Systems upgrade the Warthog instead of continuing the F-55 debacle. So, he'll both piss off and appease all the branches, but please the Civvies whose sons won't have to use the gear. Worked great for Thurman. So, we have... 1 year, 9 months, 2 days, and 3 hours remaining of the Abrams era.
Army "Hardliners"- They had all the power, and they managed to get themselves kicked out because they didn't have the stones to get rid of Bobby Brown on his 85th B-Day. They're still perplexed on how this could have happened. But at least you still have those paramillitarized megachurches in the... oh, wait... you liquidated those to appease the National Guard, who then happily backed Abe in most states anyway. You guys are so inept.
Army "Reformers"- Abizaid is proposing allowing more parties into the government... which the military ignores anyway... and ohmigod the Sovs fell apart literally 10 years ago for trying this what are you even doing, guys?
Navy- Bitching that no Admiral has run things yet, which everyone knows is code for "we want a few new Aircraft Carriers."
Air Force- Bitching that they want their own plane designs instead of having to build multi-service monstrosities which... OK, fair enough.

Official Civillian
Republican Party- Abe is bringing back the role of Speaker of the House for Dirk Kempthorne. He gets have a little gavel and everything. Adorable. Of course, this is the first time Republicans have gotten that since the 50's, so Thank Haig for that!
American Independent Party- With DeMint out on his ass, they are making ominous noises about re-mobilizing their paramilitaries in the south. How cute. I wish Cletus and Cooter from Pensacola the best of luck in getting in the next "Rebels OWNED" Facebook video, in between Black Nationalists being executed in Chicago and Kahanists blowing themselves up planning to bomb megachurches. By the way, I've noticed a distinct lack of New Englishers or anyone on the Pacific north of the LA Megalopolis Zone on those compilations lately. Funny, that.
Christian Values- Have come out with a press release claiming the Jews poisoned Billy Graham. Vunderbar. I know you got those militias, but do you still think letting Bo Gritz run your party was wise?
Loyalist Democratic Party- Foxy lad and his merry band of Irish Mayors has been in the news recently for... singing "Dashing Through The Reich" at an official party function.
Reformist Party- Ross Perot is still alive.

In Rebellion
Panther Party- Summer comes, they form a few communes, they get crushed. Film at 11.
Peace and Freedom Party- Bombed a police station in Anaheim, so...
Maoist Vanguard- Generalissimo Overture (AKA Bob Avakian) and his ragged little gang has been so pathetic lately that even CCN and HTV don't fear monger about them. Impressive.
The Nation of Islam- Apparently has Three Million members, which would be horrifying if Farrakhan weren't fat off the Army larder.

@Yes