"Buffy" Seven years early:

Discussion in 'Alternate History Discussion: After 1900' started by Kalvan, Feb 14, 2012.

  1. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    In the spirit of all these pop culture TLs.

    Once upon a time, I did a thread in soc.history.what-if in which Joss Whedon went to Troma Films in 1985 to make his script for Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a "B" movie (Hey, that path worked for his idols John Carpenter and Wes Craven, he could make it work too). In my own words, the movie consisted of a cast of "wannabes, has-beens, porn stars, and ex-cons" that included the likes of Traci Lords as Buffy (her only role from that era still legal to show in the U.S.), Jim Carrey as Benny, Vincent Price as Merrick, and Steve Buschemi as Lothos.

    Then, four years later, he pitches the idea of a spinoff of it to Fox executives at the same time that Aaron Spelling is pitching Beverly Hills 90210. Fox decides they like the former idea better, but have Spelling Television executive produce it. (Not impossible, after all, this is the network that tuned The Toxic Avenger and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes into Saturday morning cartoons.) Unfortunately for Mr. Spelling, his daughter auditions and gets cast, so he can't simply screw it over and call it a day without alienating family.

    Here is a preliminary cast:

    Buffy: Kristy Swanson

    Joyce: Beverly D'Angelo

    Giles: Eric Idle or Tim Curry

    Willow: either Gabrielle Carthiers, Mayim Bialik, or Alyson Hannigan

    Xander: Anthony Michael Hall

    Amy Madison: Ami Dolnez

    Cordelia: Shannon Doherty

    Harmony: Tori Spelling

    Jonathan: Troy Slaten

    Principal Flutie: John Lithgow

    Principal Snyder: Rene Auberjornois

    Angel: Bill Wadhams

    The Master: Mark Metcalfe

    Darla: Jenny Garth

    The Annointed One: Jonathan Taylor Thomas

    Jenny Calendar: Christine McGlade (Changed from Roma Gypsy to [Druidic] Irish Traveler)

    Drusilla: Angelina Jolie

    Spike: Paul MacGann

    Ethan Rayne: Derek de Lint

    Faith: Holly Marie Combs

    Wesley Windham-Price: Tom DeFranco

    Mr. Trick: Don Cheadle

    The Mayor: David Rasche or Joss Whedon himself

    Reilly: Kevin Kubasheskie

    Adam: Kevin Sorbo

    Tara: Kelly Rutherford

    Dawn: Jolene Blaylock

    Ben: Matthew Lillard

    Glory: Rose McGowan

    Warren: Charlie Schlatter

    Andrew Wells: Leonardo DiCaprio

    Questions? Comments? Flames?
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2012
  2. vultan Defying Gravity

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    Is this supposed to be a timeline?
     
  3. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    At the moment, it's mainly ideas being bounced around, but I hope it can one day be one.
     
  4. scourge Californian Patriot

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    It would've been a flop. Sarah Michelle Gellar was made to be Buffy.
     
  5. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    Well, Kristy Swanson was pretty good in the OTL movie, and here she would have been two years younger.

    What say anyone else?
     
  6. LOTLOF Well-Known Member

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    Kristy Swanson and David Jones? Really? It lasts about six episodes before being cancelled and forgotten.
     
  7. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    Okay, who do you cast as Giles, keeping in mind relative age, British origin, and musical talent?
     
  8. LOTLOF Well-Known Member

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    Ian McKellen, who at that point would have been in his mid to late fifties. No musical talent, but lord, what acting skills and what a presence! Buffy's success was a complete aberration, it became a cult hit even while never having really strong ratings. It was a perfect storm of Joss Whedon's story telling and amazing acting, particularly from SMG and David Boreanz. The odds of catching lighting in a bottle twice are just too unlikely.
     
  9. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't have believed it, but he's exactly the same age as my dad. And his schedule would have been open at the time (according to IMDB, at the time he was mostly doing Dinner Theater and Made of TV Movies, aside from something called Scandal which looks like something he wishes he could have credited his acting to Alan Smithee over).

    However, aside from a lack of musical talent, he'd have also been a tad old to play an Ex-Sixties Mod or Ex-Seventies Punk. I suppose he could have made an Ex-Fifties Greaser, but I don't think they had them in the UK. Oh, and we'd have to recast Ethan Rayne too. He'd have made a much better Quinten Travers.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2012
  10. vultan Defying Gravity

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    Since it's a discussion that could very well lead to a timeline, I'm putting this in the Pop Culture Go-To Thread as a project in planning, m'kay?
     
  11. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    Fine with me.
     
  12. Osakadave TexIowan

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    1950s Brit equivalent would be ton-up boys (the "gap" between the teddy boys and rockers).
     
  13. scourge Californian Patriot

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    She was good for the movie version of Buffy , but Sarah was way better.
     
  14. Swan Station Under a hatch

    Carrey and Buschemi hadn't been discovered yet, had they?

    You had me scared for a moment, that Tori would be playing Buffy.

    But, in this TL, Sarah never gets a chance to play the role, so there's nothing to compare to.

    Although... if you want an alternative to Swanson, and we're going with a somewhat more kitschish show, how about Jennifer Grey?
     
  15. statichaos Liberal Hollywood Elitist

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    Was this pre or post nose job? Her acting talent seemed to dissipate with the inch or so that she got lopped off, like Samson with his hair.
     
  16. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    Well, Buschemi was on Not Nesecissarily the News, but otherwise seemed to have been confined to commercials, extra roles on made-for-TV Movies, and one-shot parts as flunkies on cop/crime shows during the era in question. Lothos would have been his meatiest part until Lonesome Dove and Slaves of New York in 1989.

    Jim Carrey at this time is on the B-movie circuit until Earth Girls Are Easy and then In Living Color make him a star, in 1988.

    Oh, no. Tori Spelling saw all the blond girls (even if many of them had a little help from Ms. Clairol, Chlorox, or Johnson & Johnson Clean Cut) lined up for the title role, reread the "martial arts training prefered but not required" item, and decided better a less physically challenging but still regular role.

    It would be a significant step down for Jennifer from Ferris Beuller's Day Off and Dirty Dancing. Granted, her career OTL would ultimately be going nowhere until The Player and It's Like, You Know and resume its aimless parambulations afterward, but I don't think she would have realized it at the time...
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2012
  17. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    So, what sort of on screen chemistry would he have had with Christine McGlade as Ms. Callendar? And assuming we go with him, who do we cast as Ethan Rayne?
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2012
  18. Kalvan Well-Known Member

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    So, which actress of the three should I use for Willow, or are there better choices for someone of Willow's character?

    Oh, and would Fox try spinning off The X Files from Season Three or Four? Could Bill Wadhams handle his own show? And aside from Swanson, Metcalfe, and maybe Hannigan, how will the OTL Buffy casts' respective careers fair?

    Any input at all?
     
  19. lionhead Pretty fly for a white guy

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    Rose Mcgowan as Glory is kinda weird. I don't see her as a Goddess.

    Same with Jolene Blallock. Merry, innocent sister?

    Holly Marie Combs as Faith... Awesomeness.

    Same for Angelina Jolie as Drusilla. Would love to see that.
     
  20. AndyC Shadow Secretary of State for Infrastructure Donor

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    How old would Alyson Hannigan and Angelina Jolie be at the relevant times in this timeline?