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offtopic:james_earl_carter

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Jimmy Carter (1924-)

According to Conservatives, an evil, wimpy, surrender monkey, tax-and-spend monster who destroyed the economy with his tax-and-spend Lefty ways. His failures thus ushered in the era of The Great Reagan whence he slew the beast in The Year of Our Lord, Nineteen-Hundred-and-Eighty.

According to Liberals, a man screwed over by being in the wrong place at the wrong time when the economy was set to suck due to the problems and issues of previous administrations and market and global trends and issues. However, he began a number of things which ensured the economy was able to recover in the 1980's (which Reagan totally gets too much credit for) and his policies didn't cause all those bad-bad things. Alternatively, a person who wasn't Liberal, was really more of a evangelical Conservative type, and so forth.

According to everyone else, that guy before Reagan.

Life and Presidency

Jimmy Carter was born in the state of Georgia to a bra burning mother and a wimpy father. After serving in the Confederate navy rather wimpily, Carter became a sissy peanut farmer and then ran for the position of Governor of Georgia at some point. Winning on a platform of feeding the poor people of Georgia with his peanuts (Which opponents derided as “Socialized Legumery”), Carter decided to run for President. As people were sick of electing leaders they knew, and the only alternative for the Democrats was Ted Kennedy (who, in a drunken stint, had recently run through a fund-raiser naked singing “The Good Ship, Lollipop”), everybody voted for the inoffensive Carter thinking that he may not do much, but he couldn't make anything worse.

After the economy tanked (a factor easily blamed on Carter as he secretly had psychic control over both the Nixon and Ford administrations and economic notables that lead to stagflation), Carter was in dire straits with the public. However, he did bring peace to the Middle East…almost. A major scandal erupted when it was revealed the Carter had indeed been a Peanut all the while. This lead to massive backlash culminating in a Constitutional crisis over whether it was legal for a peanut to serve in the office of the President of the United States, and allegations arose that Carter's peanut farming counted as slavery and cannibalism. And there was something about a hostage crisis in Iranistan or something.

Carter was defeated in 1980 by The Great Reagan, leading to a shift in American politics to the right. Though this would end when the GOP elected a mentally challenged child to the White House, leading to a shift in American politics back to the left when America elected a cool black guy.

offtopic/james_earl_carter.txt · Last modified: 2019/03/29 15:13 (external edit)