The Fourth Lectern - A 2010 Election TL
- Thread starter AndyC
- Start date
AndyC
Donor
16th May 2010
BBC News
“… Gordon Brown announced that due to an agreement with the Liberal Democrats, he would be continuing as Prime Minister ‘for the foreseeable future’. A minor reshuffle of Cabinet posts is expected, although without the much-expected influx of Liberal Democrat MPs. The BBC has learned that the Liberal Democrats have too many fundamental disagreements with Mr Brown’s Government to join his administration, but have decided to support him in the House of Commons due to the exceptional economic circumstances. A spokesman for the Conservative Party …”
CCHQ
Andy Coulson was scrawling ideas on the white board when Steve Hilton padded in – barefoot as usual.
“Hi, Steve”, he called over his shoulder, without looking around.
“Hey, Andy. Have you heard – it’s now official. Brown has kissed hands again and accepted the remit to form another Government”, said Hilton, morosely.
Coulson stepped back from the board, viewing the maze of lines he’d been sketching between the various words on the board, paused briefly, nodded to himself, and carefully replaced the cap on his marker. He turned around and sat down.
“Why the long face, Steve? Brown’s doomed, and we all know it”, he asked cheerfully.
“I just don’t like the uncertainty. A month or so ago we were all certain we knew what was coming, we made our plans, we were so expectant – and then we got hit by a train out of the blue. If that can happen after years of preparation in a political climate we all knew so well, I can’t help thinking that the cunning plan of ‘Let Gordon hang himself and the Labour Party, whilst dripping poison all over the Lib Dems’ could get easily get derailed”, answered Hilton soberly.
“Valid point, mate, but what else can we do? Cameron was right to roll with the punches. This is the way it is, and there’s not much we can do other than what we are doing. Fox and the right are onside – and that was far less of a fuss than I’d ever imagined. We’re getting better relations now with elements of the Lib Dems than we’ve had since I can remember, ‘cause they’re very much aware of just how poisonous it could be for them propping up a Labour Government that scored fewer votes than Michael Foot. Labour are already starting to rip themselves apart – the grapevine has it that Darling refused the offer of Leader of the house and is going straight to the backbenches, and the expected battle between Balls and Milliband for the leadership is already being talked about”. Coulson shrugged. “We just have to keep playing the game – there’s nothing else we can do”
Hilton sighed and closed his eyes. “Fine, fine. Let me see what I can come up with. Time to meditate a little, I guess”.
He put his feet on the table, leaned back, and closed his eyes. A short while later, Coulson heard a faint snore. He grinned, shook his head, and turned back to his whiteboard.
St Stephens Tavern
Jonathon lowered his glass in surprise, and nudged Phil. “Why’s Jerry here?”
“Hunh?”, said Phil.
“Jerry Callis has just come upstairs, looked around, saw us and is heading this way rather definitely. Head’s up!”
The plump, ruddy individual in question had arrived at their table. “Hah! A conspiracy of activists? Mind If I join you? May as well make it a fully cross-party conspiracy, eh?”
He sat down without waiting for a reply. “Anyway, it’s my round next, I guess”, he boomed cheerfully.
“Well, in that case …” said Phil with a grin.
“By the way – congratulations to your lot”, said Jonathon. “Decent effort – making up a Government without needing anyone else on board”
“Yes, yes, bloody fantastic”, Jerry waved off the comment. “Should last all of fifty seconds once the rebels get going – as you know full well. Bloody obvious that you were all hanging back to let us fall flat on our arses, really”
“Yeah, well – what other options were there? I suppose we theoretically could have chosen to prop up Jonathon’s lot with UKIP, the DUP and one of the Nationalist Parties on side? Meanwhile, back in the cold harsh world of reality …” drawled Phil.
“Fair point, fair point”, said Jerry. “When’s the fireworks coming from your lot, then, Jonathon? I’d have thought old Liam would be belching out off-the-record comments left, right and centre. So far, it’s been no fun at all!”
“Actually, that rather surprised me as well”, said Jonathon with a grin. “Frighteningly enough, we’re looking more united than I’ve known us in decades”
“Ah, bollocks to it”, said Jerry. “One thing we all know is it’s all going to end in tears. Personally, I’m planning on getting completely leathered and staying that way for the next twelve months. You can wake me up when the rubble has settled, and Prime Minister Congdon is facing Leader of the Opposition Lucas over the Dispatch Box. What are you guys having?”
10 Downing Street. The Study.
“Right, if he won’t have Leader of the House, we don’t have to move Harriet. We can slot Yvette into BIS and move Liam to Education. Has Ed said who he’d prefer as Chief Secretary?” Gordon Brown was looking more relaxed than he had been for months.
“Should we throw a bone to the left of the Party?”, asked Ed Milliband. “Maybe we could tempt Cruddas in out of the cold”
“I doubt it, but it’s worth a try, I guess. Give him a call and see if he’d like Work & Pensions”, suggested Brown.
Milliband paused. “Gordon …” he said.
Brown looked up from the A3 sheet of paper on the desk that he was busily marking with his black felt marker. “Yes, Ed?”
“What’s the long-term plan?”, asked Milliband.
Brown grimaced. “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Events, dear boy?’ It might have been a Tory toff who said it, but he was spot on. We keep running until we can’t run any further. Then we walk until we can’t walk any further. Then we crawl until we can’t crawl any further. I’m not stupid, Ed – I know that it’s going to come to a battle between Ed and David for the Party, but with any luck, we can run, walk or crawl until whichever it is has a decent shot at the next election”
“Can we do it? Seriously, I mean. Can we get through and get enough popularity back?”, asked Milliband, unconvinced.
“Did you ever hear of the story of the condemned man who promised to teach the King’s horse to sing?” asked Brown.
“What? I mean, no”, replied Milliband, confused.
“Apparently there was once a man condemned to death in an ancient kingdom. Why he was condemned, and whether he deserved it is beside the point of the story, but just before sentence was due to be carried out, he cried out to the King: ‘If you spare my life, I will teach your horse to sing!’”
“The King, surprised, halted the execution, and asked what the trickery was. ‘No trickery, my lord – all I need is one year and I can teach your horse to sing!’. So the King granted him a year’s suspension of sentence, and the condemned man was led back down to the cells. A fellow prisoner asked him: ‘Why did you promise him that? You’ll never be able to do it!’”
“The condemned man simply looked at him and said: ‘True – but in a year, he may die and his successor free all the prisoners as a gesture of clemency. Or more evidence may come to light exonerating me. Or the horse may die and I’ll be able to offer to train up another one. Or the Kingdom may be invaded and prisoners be offered an amnesty as long as they fight’ The man shrugged and finished with the words ‘and who knows. Maybe the horse will learn to sing”
Brown gave a faint smile. “Who knows, Ed. Maybe the horse will learn to sing”
BBC News
“… Gordon Brown announced that due to an agreement with the Liberal Democrats, he would be continuing as Prime Minister ‘for the foreseeable future’. A minor reshuffle of Cabinet posts is expected, although without the much-expected influx of Liberal Democrat MPs. The BBC has learned that the Liberal Democrats have too many fundamental disagreements with Mr Brown’s Government to join his administration, but have decided to support him in the House of Commons due to the exceptional economic circumstances. A spokesman for the Conservative Party …”
CCHQ
Andy Coulson was scrawling ideas on the white board when Steve Hilton padded in – barefoot as usual.
“Hi, Steve”, he called over his shoulder, without looking around.
“Hey, Andy. Have you heard – it’s now official. Brown has kissed hands again and accepted the remit to form another Government”, said Hilton, morosely.
Coulson stepped back from the board, viewing the maze of lines he’d been sketching between the various words on the board, paused briefly, nodded to himself, and carefully replaced the cap on his marker. He turned around and sat down.
“Why the long face, Steve? Brown’s doomed, and we all know it”, he asked cheerfully.
“I just don’t like the uncertainty. A month or so ago we were all certain we knew what was coming, we made our plans, we were so expectant – and then we got hit by a train out of the blue. If that can happen after years of preparation in a political climate we all knew so well, I can’t help thinking that the cunning plan of ‘Let Gordon hang himself and the Labour Party, whilst dripping poison all over the Lib Dems’ could get easily get derailed”, answered Hilton soberly.
“Valid point, mate, but what else can we do? Cameron was right to roll with the punches. This is the way it is, and there’s not much we can do other than what we are doing. Fox and the right are onside – and that was far less of a fuss than I’d ever imagined. We’re getting better relations now with elements of the Lib Dems than we’ve had since I can remember, ‘cause they’re very much aware of just how poisonous it could be for them propping up a Labour Government that scored fewer votes than Michael Foot. Labour are already starting to rip themselves apart – the grapevine has it that Darling refused the offer of Leader of the house and is going straight to the backbenches, and the expected battle between Balls and Milliband for the leadership is already being talked about”. Coulson shrugged. “We just have to keep playing the game – there’s nothing else we can do”
Hilton sighed and closed his eyes. “Fine, fine. Let me see what I can come up with. Time to meditate a little, I guess”.
He put his feet on the table, leaned back, and closed his eyes. A short while later, Coulson heard a faint snore. He grinned, shook his head, and turned back to his whiteboard.
St Stephens Tavern
Jonathon lowered his glass in surprise, and nudged Phil. “Why’s Jerry here?”
“Hunh?”, said Phil.
“Jerry Callis has just come upstairs, looked around, saw us and is heading this way rather definitely. Head’s up!”
The plump, ruddy individual in question had arrived at their table. “Hah! A conspiracy of activists? Mind If I join you? May as well make it a fully cross-party conspiracy, eh?”
He sat down without waiting for a reply. “Anyway, it’s my round next, I guess”, he boomed cheerfully.
“Well, in that case …” said Phil with a grin.
“By the way – congratulations to your lot”, said Jonathon. “Decent effort – making up a Government without needing anyone else on board”
“Yes, yes, bloody fantastic”, Jerry waved off the comment. “Should last all of fifty seconds once the rebels get going – as you know full well. Bloody obvious that you were all hanging back to let us fall flat on our arses, really”
“Yeah, well – what other options were there? I suppose we theoretically could have chosen to prop up Jonathon’s lot with UKIP, the DUP and one of the Nationalist Parties on side? Meanwhile, back in the cold harsh world of reality …” drawled Phil.
“Fair point, fair point”, said Jerry. “When’s the fireworks coming from your lot, then, Jonathon? I’d have thought old Liam would be belching out off-the-record comments left, right and centre. So far, it’s been no fun at all!”
“Actually, that rather surprised me as well”, said Jonathon with a grin. “Frighteningly enough, we’re looking more united than I’ve known us in decades”
“Ah, bollocks to it”, said Jerry. “One thing we all know is it’s all going to end in tears. Personally, I’m planning on getting completely leathered and staying that way for the next twelve months. You can wake me up when the rubble has settled, and Prime Minister Congdon is facing Leader of the Opposition Lucas over the Dispatch Box. What are you guys having?”
10 Downing Street. The Study.
“Right, if he won’t have Leader of the House, we don’t have to move Harriet. We can slot Yvette into BIS and move Liam to Education. Has Ed said who he’d prefer as Chief Secretary?” Gordon Brown was looking more relaxed than he had been for months.
“Should we throw a bone to the left of the Party?”, asked Ed Milliband. “Maybe we could tempt Cruddas in out of the cold”
“I doubt it, but it’s worth a try, I guess. Give him a call and see if he’d like Work & Pensions”, suggested Brown.
Milliband paused. “Gordon …” he said.
Brown looked up from the A3 sheet of paper on the desk that he was busily marking with his black felt marker. “Yes, Ed?”
“What’s the long-term plan?”, asked Milliband.
Brown grimaced. “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Events, dear boy?’ It might have been a Tory toff who said it, but he was spot on. We keep running until we can’t run any further. Then we walk until we can’t walk any further. Then we crawl until we can’t crawl any further. I’m not stupid, Ed – I know that it’s going to come to a battle between Ed and David for the Party, but with any luck, we can run, walk or crawl until whichever it is has a decent shot at the next election”
“Can we do it? Seriously, I mean. Can we get through and get enough popularity back?”, asked Milliband, unconvinced.
“Did you ever hear of the story of the condemned man who promised to teach the King’s horse to sing?” asked Brown.
“What? I mean, no”, replied Milliband, confused.
“Apparently there was once a man condemned to death in an ancient kingdom. Why he was condemned, and whether he deserved it is beside the point of the story, but just before sentence was due to be carried out, he cried out to the King: ‘If you spare my life, I will teach your horse to sing!’”
“The King, surprised, halted the execution, and asked what the trickery was. ‘No trickery, my lord – all I need is one year and I can teach your horse to sing!’. So the King granted him a year’s suspension of sentence, and the condemned man was led back down to the cells. A fellow prisoner asked him: ‘Why did you promise him that? You’ll never be able to do it!’”
“The condemned man simply looked at him and said: ‘True – but in a year, he may die and his successor free all the prisoners as a gesture of clemency. Or more evidence may come to light exonerating me. Or the horse may die and I’ll be able to offer to train up another one. Or the Kingdom may be invaded and prisoners be offered an amnesty as long as they fight’ The man shrugged and finished with the words ‘and who knows. Maybe the horse will learn to sing”
Brown gave a faint smile. “Who knows, Ed. Maybe the horse will learn to sing”
Last edited:
AndyC
Donor
OOC.
Well, the story of the Fourth Lectern itself has come to its natural conclusion, although there does seem to be plenty of opportunity for a continuation or sequel. I've thoroughly enjoyed the experience of writing it, and thanks to the very convivial and supportive atmosphere, my confidence in writing it has grown enormously - I'd like to thank all of you for all of your kind comments and general good nature.
As the winner of the seat prediction contest, TheRed can claim a drink off of me if we ever meet - he was only a total of 60 seats out, and got the Labour total within 5 seats. A valiant effort by BroaderLiberty (78 seats out, but correctly forecast a poor UKIP return on their vote share (only 6 seats out) and came close on the Lib Dems as well (7 seats out).
If there is appetite for a sequel/continuation, should I start a new timeline or continue the existing one?
Well, the story of the Fourth Lectern itself has come to its natural conclusion, although there does seem to be plenty of opportunity for a continuation or sequel. I've thoroughly enjoyed the experience of writing it, and thanks to the very convivial and supportive atmosphere, my confidence in writing it has grown enormously - I'd like to thank all of you for all of your kind comments and general good nature.
As the winner of the seat prediction contest, TheRed can claim a drink off of me if we ever meet - he was only a total of 60 seats out, and got the Labour total within 5 seats. A valiant effort by BroaderLiberty (78 seats out, but correctly forecast a poor UKIP return on their vote share (only 6 seats out) and came close on the Lib Dems as well (7 seats out).
If there is appetite for a sequel/continuation, should I start a new timeline or continue the existing one?
An epilogue of what happens would be nice to round off the TL like FWoAD but your choice, still what are your plans for a new TL?
Davis wins the leadership election?
Portillo survives?
Or even an 80's TL?
Your choice but may I say on behalf of myself, and I'm sure many other readers such as The Red, stodge and Thande would agree that this has been a marvellous TL and you should be proud of yourself.
Scotland will probably go the same way but not to the same extent, there'll be no attacking Westminster, the sandwich incident will be butterflied most likely and the Lib Dems probably won't take the same hammering as OTL. The SNP will probably still win but not nearly by the same margin.
Thande
Donor
Yes, indeed!
I think the take-home message from the OTL Scottish election is that the Scottish Parliament is no longer an example of what Cameron was complaining about in the segment Andy wrote a couple of pages back--people just voting against whoever is in power at Westminster. The SNP throws a spanner in the works.
Wales is different and IMO is still more an example of that. If there's a weak and unpopular Labour government at Westminster propped up by the Lib Dems, then 2011 might see a continuation of the unexpected Welsh Tory revival seen in the 2009 European elections.
Well Conservative party support was already at rock bottom so Scotland probably wouldn't be a good example of this in any case but a good point.
I think the English local elections may be more of a landslide for the Tories, England has always been the more Euro-sceptic and Tory area and with the LibDems making the Labour government more Europhillic and Brown barely making any cuts could mean heavy losses for both Labour and LibDems with a UKIP and other third party surges.
AndyC
Donor
Well, thanks again everyone, and I am feeling rather chuffed at the response, I must say.
I'll take a short break and pick up the story from a point about six months further on, under the title: "Maybe the horse will learn to sing", as per Wendell's suggestion.
I'll also look at writing another timeline to stop myself getting jaded on this one. I like all three of Blackadder Mk 2's suggestions, but am also tempted by a challenge from The Oncoming Storm on a timeline to save Tory Scotland.
I'll take a short break and pick up the story from a point about six months further on, under the title: "Maybe the horse will learn to sing", as per Wendell's suggestion.
I'll also look at writing another timeline to stop myself getting jaded on this one. I like all three of Blackadder Mk 2's suggestions, but am also tempted by a challenge from The Oncoming Storm on a timeline to save Tory Scotland.
That's my style, great plots but shit writing abilities so I give suggestion to others.
For now.
Other then that, saving Tory Scotland would be interesting as it would need Rifkind and while he was a bit more right wing on some issues then Major, he was also a bit more left wing on other issues and I would be the first to read it.
On Tory Scotland you might want to check out Fletch's timeline 'The Strange Revival of Tory Scotland' with a PoD of Murdo Fraser becoming Scottish Conservative leader and Alex Salmond sicking with his position of declining to run for the SNP leadership. It's got some good general ideas that would still be appliable in the eighties/nineties.
That sounds like an interesting TL- can someone provide a link?
Well done on finishing this, Andy. I eagerly await the sequel!
Great finish. I love the line on which it finishes. And I'm surprised at how close I ended up being. Can I get half a coke as a runners up?
And I look forward to anything else you come up with next.
Congrats...
Congratulations from me as well - an excellent read and a nice finish leaving later instalments with plenty to offer.
The Conservatives post-election will be interesting as will the Orange Bookers having to support Brown.
Hope you were able to catch the end of FWoAD (as it is now known). I'm going to put it in the finished TL section of the forum when I get the chance and you should do the same with this as it fully deserves a place.
Congratulations from me as well - an excellent read and a nice finish leaving later instalments with plenty to offer.
The Conservatives post-election will be interesting as will the Orange Bookers having to support Brown.
Hope you were able to catch the end of FWoAD (as it is now known). I'm going to put it in the finished TL section of the forum when I get the chance and you should do the same with this as it fully deserves a place.
I'm currently working on a second version of it. I wasn't happy with the first one.
Andy, congrats. Looking forward to the sequel!
