The Party Animals:
A special survey of German political parties for advanced civics studies students in Maryland.
A Christmas print by Thomas Nast
as The Watchdog, Protector of Innocence, the first recorded use of the Wachhund symbol for the party that would develop into Audacity
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Introductory Note: Because campaign finance is intensely regulated, and legislative bodies do not draw their own districts, incumbents are unusually structurally unprotected in the German political system. Therefore, Germany’s party structure is, and always has been, deeply unstable. Every time a major problem arises the existing parties either bear responsibility for, or offer no acceptable solution to, a new party gets created. Sometimes it wins, enters government, and becomes as close as any get to permanency. Other times its agenda is co-opted by one or more of the others, or it fails its initial electoral test and is dismissed from the system. Thus, it helps in a sense to imagine the bestiary of German political parties as a kind of archeology of trouble. Each one dates from a specific period, and bears the indicia of the crisis it was invented to solve, but wears with it the limits of the worldview that origin bequeathed.
German Political Parties, by order of size:
Heimat/Homeland. Founded as an anti-war movement during the General War of the Colonies, Homeland swept into power under its great charismatic founder, Weil. Thereafter in a fashion unusual for parties originating in the manner it did, Homeland became something of a natural party of government, eschewing foreign entanglements, reducing military spending and pumping the proceeds into domestic affairs, building an especially strong record of accomplishment on habitat issues. The party is especially renowned for its work to curb the global furnace effect. However, the party has strong roots in the German south, and conservative social values persist in its commitment to pro-natalist, pro-child and pro-family economic policies.
The great problem for Homeland came when it proved itself unprepared for, and unsuitable for waging, a war of necessity on German soil. In the famous
Blutwahl, held at the worst of the military situation, it suffered the most dire electoral reversal of any party in the history of the German franchise. Despite several comebacks since, the party has struggled to find its way.
One problem Homeland has faced is the preference of the New Germans (former colonial subjects who have settled in Germany) for Audacity. This had a definite origin: in one of the worst German political missteps ever, at the height of its fortunes Homeland offered a per-head payment to the new arrivals to return to, and settle permanently in, their places of origin. Most of the New Germans had worked as administrators, military, police or other functionaries in the colonies who came to Germany because they no longer had a place in the societies in which they were born. Worse, many had actually fought for Germany in the war. Thus, the offer was extremely insulting, triggered outraged protests, and even several generations on, excites heated passions among the New Germans.
But as serious a problem as the “policy of return” was, it does not entirely explain the situation. Despite electing the first Jewish Vertreter, part of Homeland’s appeal has always been its yearning for the pastoral beauty and simplicity of the German yesteryear. In recent decades, this has evolved into a pronounced sentimental attachment for a Germany before industrialization and before the colonies. In short, for a Germany in which the New Germans see no place for themselves.
At the same time, Homeland’s preference for the child-rearing family has alienated it from some organizations backing more strenuous habitat strategies. It has also triggered some criticism from social reform organizations on behalf of single people and childless couples.
Kuehnheit/Audacity. A party dedicated to reversing what it sees as a prolonged national decline, Audacity is dedicated to free markets, equal rights for all, generous military spending, and a robust policy of international engagement. Rather than advocating crass national aggrandizement however, or any overtly neocolonialist program, Audacity envisions a world of mutually reinforcing democratic states surrounding, circumscribing and undercutting the more illiberal or tyrannical ones into a historically predetermined, inevitable defeat.
Because Audacity’s vision holds national solidarity among ethnic and religious groups is necessary to accomplishing its wider vision, it has always been committed to the friendly integration and social equality of the New Germans. Early on, Audacity enthusiastically embraced a regime of quotas for hiring and education. It has also championed robust investment in public education as a way of advancing what it sees are definitive national values through all sectors of society. These policies have earned it strong loyalty from the New Germans. Over time they have risen in the party’s ranks, becoming increasingly well-represented in its candidate lists, resulting in the landmark election of Ngozi Friedman as Vertreter.
As its most celebrated political ad puts it, “the color of the hand on the oar does not matter, so long as we all row the same direction.”
More controversially, Audacity supports flat taxes and rigorous curbs on state support for the poor. It champions a rhetoric of self-reliance and entrepreneurship similar to many other pro-market parties worldwide.
Bruderschaft/Brotherhood. It is a cliché in German politics that you cannot govern without Brotherhood. One of the older parties, founded by mining and heavy-industrial unions to fight for basic workplace wage and safety rules, Brotherhood has evolved from a high-minded utopian reform agenda to nakedly transactional politics. Blushing at nothing, it enters into politics to form governments with whichever other parties offers it the best deal for its base supporters. It has formed coalitions with Homeland on the condition that every solar panel installed in the country is made therein. It has formed coalitions with Audacity on the promise that German shipyards would produce three
Bali-class mobile floating airfields costing 9 billion Reichsthalers apiece, despite the reichsmarine calling them completely unnecessary. Bruderschaft is a zealous protector of various state-provided social benefits in the face of cost-cutting, which is usually advanced by Audacity. More generally, it has brought down coalitions of which it was a part nine times in just 70 years when it did not get its way.
The epitome of the party’s hard-bitten attitude came when one noted
Brotherhood party leader asked on an interview image-box show why his party had voted to go to war more times than any other. His answer: “war means overtime.”
The party’s leaders’ negotiation skills are legendary, as is the party’s reputation for corruption. Another common saying is that when Audacity and Brotherhood go into coalition together, war is sure to follow—on the German taxpayer.
German Republic. The perennial beneficiary of protest votes, this is the party that exists for the express purpose of abolishing the monarchy, de-titling the nobility, and ending the special relationship (short of it being an established church) between the state and Lutheranism. German Republic underwent a unique ordeal just by entering into the political process, and for that reason though it has never been in government it holds a special place in the history of the German constitution. By order of the high court of the realm, it received a waiver from the requirement that members of the estates swear allegiance to the Kaiser. However, it was required to set aside its goal of creating an officially atheist state in order to participate in elections. Finally, its creation and entry into electoral politics prompted a whole series of new screens and transparency measures designed to make sure foreign money and political operatives do not influence German politics.
Beyond its core issues, German Republic has taken a slew of positions championing personal freedom, including an enthusiastic opposition to the use of the public education system to advance what are frequently seen as shared national values, earning it a longstanding feud with Audacity. It is also the party most strongly invested in data privacy, illicits legalization, and body sovereignty issues.
Kaiserliche Demokratie/Imperial Democracy. Few parties represent so keenly the faded glories of the past as the one usually simply known as
Kaisertreu. Back in the days when it was a party of government it advocated social tolerance, private enterprise, close diplomatic relations with the Cousins and a robust effort to keep the colonies. Brought low during the General War of the Colonies by Homeland, it has never recovered. However, it still has adherents among the nobility, veterans, and people of a generally conservative temperament. It tends to shadow Audacity on major issues, and is its most reliable coalition partner. It is also the natural party of choice for lovers of nostalgia and pageantry: sashes, brass bands, and cheerful parades are its forte. For reasons that do not need to be elaborated, it bears a special animosity for German Republic, about which one Kaisertreu party leader once said, “with neither emperor nor first realm nobility, they might as well change the name of the country, for it in no way could be called Germany anymore.”
Issues:
Homeland has advanced a new domesticist movement asserting that voting rights should be reapportioned. Under its proposed reforms of the German constitution, a parent with sole legal custody would be able to cast a vote that would count twice, once for themselves and once for the minor child. A married couple, whether sex-concordant or sex-discordant, would be able to each cast an additional half-vote for each minor child. At the same time, caregivers in a permanent legal relationship with an incompetent adult unable to vote themselves would be treated in a similar way. The idea is that this change would enable society to more properly weigh the interests in the political process of those who cannot care for themselves. Audacity supports this idea in the abstract, but insists that receiving any form of direct public financial support should permanently invalidate any added whole or partial votes. Brotherhood and German Republic support the scheme, Imperial Democracy opposes it outright.
Audacity seeks to overturn a ceiling on peacetime military spending written into the German constitution by a previous Homeland government, and to take Germany back to military spending of greater than four percent as a share of the total economy. It is supported in this by Brotherhood and Imperial Democracy, opposed by Homeland and German Republic. The bulk of the new spending would be allocated to more advanced anti-kernelsplitter defenses, but some of the funds would also be set aside as bonuses to lure technologically adept and skilled persons into the military services.
Brotherhood advocates a tax on industrial robots. The bill which would create the tax also include a tariff on goods from overseas produced in automated factories.
German Republic wants a reform of the education system that would de-emphasize values training, and place stronger emphasis on imparting reasoning skills without advancing any one set of ideological answers. This position has occasioned sharp criticism from all the other parties, who accuse GR of campaigning to make the next generation of Germans “schmutzig, unehrlich und faul.”
Imperial Democracy champions permitting state education funding to go to privately-run, sectarian-specific schools.
Symbols:
In German politics, each party takes as its symbol a unique animal. By convention, this cannot repeat the prior choice of any other party, and it cannot be a surrogate choice for a national symbol, like the imperial eagle. This makes German electoral history a veritable zoo, with bears, boars, peacocks and oxen. Unsurprisingly, it also makes many political cartoons look like scenes from Aesop’s fables. One frequently repeated theme is whether the animals are trying to work together, or just eat each other. It also makes a curious shorthand for various elections and political events: “the year the workhorse and the dog ate venison”; “in the tax debate yesterday the falcon went after the horse savagely.”
Homeland: Hirsch (Deer).
In their rhetoric: The majestic stag knows its place in the forest, doing no harm, preying on no other creature, and leaving its home undamaged, the same as it found it. In this way, Homeland strives for justice, fairness, and sustainability.
In the other parties’ rhetoric: Like the deer its mascot, all it takes is the sound of one gunshot to send Homeland leaping into the bushes.
Audacity: Wachhund (Watchdog).
In their rhetoric: With us, you can sleep well knowing your children, your family and your home are safe. We are tireless and loyal only to the nation’s well-being.
In the other parties’ rhetoric: Of course, yes, the children love the dog, but unfortunately sometimes innocent third parties have found themselves bitten or menaced, so we must go surrender it to the animal shelter. Also, its food and chew-toys are far too expensive.
Brotherhood: Arbeitstier (Workhorse).
In their rhetoric: Just as the work done by the horse is the basic unit of all power, all that is made in our society comes about by the application of human labor. So that which benefits labor, benefits society.
In the other parties’ rhetoric: All that’s all well and good, but when the cost of feeding the horse becomes greater than the value of the work it does, it’s time for a trip to the glue factory.
Imperial Democracy: Falke (Falcon).
In their rhetoric: In honor, and in noble service to the fatherland, we soar over all, looking down on the self-interested, the corrupt, and all those who put other objectives before the nation.
In the other parties’ rhetoric: Kaisertreu, now as ever, rides like a falcon on the Emperor’s arm, dispatches whatever prey he commands, and returns neatly to the perch from which it launched, never having learned anything for its trouble in all these years.
German Republic: Mensch (Human).
This is German Republic’s way of not playing the game, by choosing in place of an animal mascot an ordinary human. In practice this just means editorialists and cartoonists play the game for them, sometimes depicting “German Republic Man” riding the deer or the workhorse, disheveled, slumped or unconscious from whatever illicits are presently fashionable with the smart set, sometimes even facing backward on the back of the animal it rides, while the other animals try to cooperate or work sensibly at the nation’s problems. “Republic Man” sometimes is even portrayed sprawled face down on the ground. Die Zeitung von Wittenberg, the nation’s leading Audacity paper, has portrayed him vomiting in every editorial cartoon printed since 1995.
The persistence of this negative imagery has created a backlash that has benefited German Republic, as “Puking Republic Man” has become a defiantly re-appropriated figure, appearing on clothing, stickers and even the party’s own advertising.