The Death Collectors: Bond Films that Never Were

Gibson? I assume this was before he started drinking, super-heavily and advocating rather strange conservative Christian conspiracy theories? He was adequate as Mad Max but apart from that IMO not much good in his other roles.
 
The critics were right -- the sharks with nukes on their heads was too outlandish. Everybody knows trained sharks are most effectively armed with lasers!
 
Gibson? I assume this was before he started drinking, super-heavily and advocating rather strange conservative Christian conspiracy theories? He was adequate as Mad Max but apart from that IMO not much good in his other roles.

Well, I'd rather not comment on Gibson's private life or views (even if there is much to be said and/or criticized), if only because it's not relevant to the TL. What I will say is that he does seem to possess a decent amount of charisma, and has shown in some roles that he can give a good performance in specific circumstances (example: his performance as the suicidal Riggs in the first Lethal Weapon, which would partly mirror his take on a heartbroken Bond in this TL's YOLT). That and the Bond franchise has been less successful in this scenario, so he benefits from not having a lot of credible competition.

Still, it's important to note the scenarios themselves are not really meant to be a comment on whether an actor is or not a "good" Bond, rather than how the general context of the franchise - and what audiences and critics seem to prefer at a given point - influences the reception to a given performance.

Does Mel Gibson as 007 butterfly Lethal Weapon 2 and 3? Also, will he tell his future wife to f-ing smile and blow him?

It actually turns the original Lethal Weapon into a much different film, since Silver isn't around to produce (he's instead fighting for the Bond rights, which he acquires) and Gibson is instead recruited by Silver to star on this TL's Live and Let Die (cementing him as a star). If Lethal Weapon happens on this universe, it would require a different lead (perhaps Bruce Wills gets the Riggs role?). Interestingly enough, this also means a different villain for Die Hard, as Alan Rickman joins LALD as Blofeld and, predictably, steals the film despite not being the main villain (thus being his breakout role).
 
So, Alt Theme wise, we have

1) "The Living Daylights" by The Pet Shop Boys (OTL "This Must Be The Place I Tried So Hard To Leave)
2) "Tomorrow Never Dies" by KD Lang (OTL "Surrender")
3) "Per Fine Ounce" by Elton John (something from OTL "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", possibly the song of the same name)
4) "You Only Live Twice" by Bonnie Tyler (part of me wants this to be Tyler singing the OTL theme, but likely something from 1991 album "Bitterblue" - "Against the Wind" or "Whenever You Need Me" perhaps?)
 
So, Alt Theme wise, we have

1) "The Living Daylights" by The Pet Shop Boys (OTL "This Must Be The Place I Tried So Hard To Leave)
2) "Tomorrow Never Dies" by KD Lang (OTL "Surrender")
3) "Per Fine Ounce" by Elton John (something from OTL "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", possibly the song of the same name)
4) "You Only Live Twice" by Bonnie Tyler (part of me wants this to be Tyler singing the OTL theme, but likely something from 1991 album "Bitterblue" - "Against the Wind" or "Whenever You Need Me" perhaps?)
What about Man with the Golden Gun by Alice Cooper or Thunderball by Johnny Cash
 
I would have liked to see a more faithful adaptation of YOLT. It's one of my favorites among the Bond novels.
 
How much was Orson Welles paid to play Blofeld in Warhead? And was it in cash, Mrs. Pell's Fish Sticks or Rosebud Frozen Peas?
Orson Welles probably the best voiceover artist in the world...

Though I thought Bill Mitchell (the voiceover artist that didn't have to try to hard) was just as good in the Carlsberg adverts.
 
I would have liked to see a more faithful adaptation of YOLT. It's one of my favorites among the Bond novels.
BBC Radio made a faithful adaptation of it in 1990 which had Burt Kwok (who was in the film) in it.

Michael Jayston who played James Bond was also a prolific voiceover artist including the voice of Brook Bond for this series of adverts from the early 1980s.
 
Sam Neil as 80s Bond, anyone?

Undoubtedly one of the great what-ifs. Oddly enough, I had Neill in mind when I started this, only to now struggle to write him in having already covered The Living Daylights (I'd rather avoid writing the same picture twice). It's possible I may write him on an alt-Licence to Kill, but it depends on how things work out. Same applies to Antony Hamilton, another fascinating prospect difficult to cover without writing another version of TLD.

In any case, I expect to have alt-OHMSS ready between tomorrow or Wednesday.
 
7. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1965)
ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1965)
Sean Connery IS James Bond

eRJHiQU.png


Blofeld, you're insane.”
That’s a matter of perception, Mr. Bond.
(James Bond and Ernst Stavro Blofeld, 1965)​

Ever since its publication on April of 1963, Ian Fleming’s On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – written during the filming and production of EON’s Dr. No – had not only been a success in sales and reviews, it had immediately caught the attention of the increasingly powerful Bond producers Saltzman and Broccoli. So much so, that even during the production of From Russia with Love they had commissioned Richard Maibaum to start plans for an adaptation of OHMSS as their third film, only to discard the option once they realized it would be impossible to meet a 1964 release date, due to the need to film in a suitable snowy climate. Thus Goldfinger had followed, and with it the Bond franchise had shot up to the box office stratosphere as Sean Connery was all but deified as the ultimate leading man. It was the start of an intense, unrelenting process of “Bondmania”. Thrilled at the prospect of presiding over a goldmine capable to putting out one Bond film a year, the two producers proudly announced OHMSS as the fourth film on the credits of Goldfinger.

However, there was trouble on the horizon. Attempts by the late Ian Fleming to secure a cinematic adaptation for his books back in the 50’s had led to a potentially disastrous issue for EON Productions: they still lacked the rights both to Casino Royale, Bond’s first adventure; and Thunderball, the grandest of the novels in scale, and until very recently a matter of contentious litigation. Having already been unable to come to terms with producer Charles K. Feldman to adapt CR as the third Bond film – which meant an imminent rival film the moment Feldman was able to mobilize -, Saltzman and Broccoli were further concerned by a court ruling recognizing Kevin McClory’s partial rights to Thunderball, which the Irish filmmaker had used to trumpet his intentions to attempt his own project to rival EON since January 1964. Indeed, there were substantial discussions within EON over the merits of attempting to negotiate with McClory and ensure Thunderball remained part of the official films, even if it meant a great financial cost and the postponement of OHMSS.

Had it not been for McClory’s unsuccessful attempt to hire Richard Burton for the Bond role resulting in a very public fiasco, and his somewhat demanding conditions, it is possible such a deal might have been secured. But as it was, both producers walked away from the table, comforting themselves in the knowledge that Connery had no clear or apparent rivals on the role, and in the hope that any efforts by McClory or Feldman would collapse under their own weight. Having released Goldfinger on September of 1964, they were dead set on releasing their newest project in the span of a single year, in what was to prove a gigantic task. In the meantime, intense discussions took place regarding the tone and scope of the film, involving the unprecedented plot line of Bond both falling in love and entering a tragic, short-lived marriage. After turning in a script that adapted the novel in a mostly faithful manner, Maibaum was then asked to follow Goldfinger’s lead in terms of increased use of gadgetry and expansion of the storyline. Still, it should be noted that rumors suggesting that substantially outlandish elements were almost included – including a return of Gert Fröbe as Blofeld, revealed to be Goldfinger’s twin – have not been corroborated up to this day.

On the casting front, Alan Badel and Irene Papas were signed early up in key supporting roles as Marc-Ange Draco and Irma Bunt. Having already made the lucky decision to introduce Blofeld back in FRWL, EON could bypass Thunderball without facing a plot hole, but discussions on who to sign up as Blofeld - with EON needing an actor who could live up to the previous and intimidating unseen performance – extended themselves as numerous alternatives were thrown around. Ultimately, and concluding that a younger actor could prove quite a match for Connery, they successfully approached Max von Sydow to take on the role. Finding a suitable Tracy di Vicenzo also led to an endless parade of actresses, with early favorites Julie Christie and Brigitte Bardot losing the role, respectively, due to disappointment on behalf of the producers (Christie), and the belief that hiring an already famous actress for the main female part (Bardot) would be too costly in the long term. It was therefore surprising that little known actress Faye Dunaway – who had not starred in a film at the point – gained the role, reportedly after impressing both Broccoli and Saltzman on her audition.

In spite of a sense of exhaustion after investing so much effort on Goldfinger, Guy Hamilton accepted an invitation to direct his second Bond film in a role, finding the concept of Bond falling in love too irresistible to pass up. Filming took place in Switzerland, France and England across the first half of 1965, a large-scale production bolstered by a gigantic budget. Although Connery came to appreciate both the opportunity to provide Bond with what he felt was much needed emotional depth, as well as the opportunity to be isolated from the press during the Swiss portion of the shoot, his uneasiness towards playing the role yet again was starting to become noticeable. Facing the breakdown of his recent marriage, harassment by the press, and what he perceived as an excessively long, grueling schedule – denying him the chance to do different projects -, Connery still gave a professional performance on and off the set, but rumors of conflicts with Dunaway and with both producers soon started to grow. Music for the film was once again provided by John Barry, the bombastic main theme “The Belles of Hell” being sung by Dionne Warwick.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service’s pre-title sequence takes place in Monaco, with James Bond (Sean Connery) chasing after the remnants of the criminal organization SPECTRE with the help of French intelligence. Bond, who has been searching for SPECTRE Chairman Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Max von Sydow) for several months, pursues and tries to interrogate Colonel Colbert (Eric Porter), a suspected SPECTRE operative. Forced to kill Colbert in self-defense after a difficult fight within a Cathedral, Bond escapes Colbert’s bodyguards by using an experimental jetpack. Leaving the area on his car – a highly advanced Aston Martin – a frustrated Bond meets the intriguing countess Tracy di Vicenzo (Faye Dunaway), saving her from the consequences of her reckless, destructive behavior, and later preventing a suicide attempt at a neighboring beach. Being subsequently captured by several henchmen, Bond is taken to the presence of Marc-Ange Draco (Alan Badel), who 007 identifies as the head of the dangerous crime syndicate Unione Corse. Explaining to Bond that Tracy happens to be his daughter, Draco – concerned about her suicidal tendencies - offers the agent a fortune if he’ll marry her, only to be rebuffed. Still, realizing the Unione Corse has had dealings with SPECTRE, Bond offers to continue seeing Tracy if Draco supplies him with intel on Blofeld’s whereabouts.

Back in London, Bond has a fiery argument with M (Bernard Lee) regarding the unsuccessful hunt for SPECTRE and Blofeld. Worn out after years of service, Bond threatens to resign from MI6 once he is able to bring Blofeld down, and starts an intense romance with Tracy after asking for a leave of absence. Draco gives Bond a lead to a Swiss law firm, and after infiltrating the building he learns Blofeld is secretly attempting to claim a nobility title – Count of Bleuchamp – for himself. Cancelling his leave, Bond assumes the identity of genealogist Sir Hilary Bray, and with the help of Station S operative Campbell (Tony Britton) 007 infiltrates a secretive clinical institute at the top of the Swiss Alps, believed to be Blofeld’s base of operations. There, Bond verbally spars with Blofeld and his sinister aide Irma Bunt (Irene Papas), flirts with a group of young, beautiful patients known as the “Belles of Hell”, and realizes the clinic holds a massive base hidden inside the mountain. Entering the base at night, Bond realizes the remnants of SPECTRE are involved in a revenge plot involving bacteriological warfare, using the “Belles” as unwitting pawns.

After Campbell is found and killed by Blofeld’s bodyguard Gunther (Ronald Rich), and Blunt unmasks and captures the agent, Bond is strapped into a room and interrogated by Blofeld via an experimental 3-D screen. Releasing himself with equipment previously given to him by Q (Desmond Llewelyn), Bond makes a daring escape from the clinic, finding Tracy – who has followed him all the way to Switzerland – at a neighboring village. Increasingly infatuated with each other, the couple temporarily escape the SPECTRE agents after 007 kills Gunther in a car chase, and the agent successfully proposes marriage to Tracy. After Tracy is captured by Blofeld and brought to her presence, SPECTRE reveals its intention to unleash a number of deadly pathogens across the Western world, demanding (among other things) both a hefty payment and amnesty for their many crimes. Recruiting Draco and the Unione Corse after MI6 proves unwilling to risk a direct assault, Bond and his allies storm the base via helicopters and a major battle ensues inside the complex. Assisted by the “Belles”, Bond rescues Tracy, foiling Blofeld’s plot after destroying the case. The SPECTRE Chairman is presumed dead on the massive avalanche following the explosion.

Formally resigning from MI6 after somewhat mending his strained relationship to M, Bond and Tracy get married with Draco’s blessing. Driving away in the Aston Martin through the English coast, they are suddenly ambushed by the surviving Blofeld and Bunt in a drive-by attack. Although Bond survives, he realizes Tracy has been killed by a headshot. Unable to pursue as the car is left in pieces, and shedding tears as he cradles his wife’s lifeless body, Bond mutters that they have all the time in the world.

The post-production process – which delayed OHMSS’s release for over three months – prolonged itself after extended discussions on how to end the film, with many believing that to follow the novel’s bleak ending would hurt the finished product and alienate audiences. In spite of a planned compromise that would postpone Tracy’s death to the opening of the next film – with Moonraker, The Man with the Golden Gun, and You Only Live Twice thrown around as possibilities -, Saltzman and Broccoli agreed to take a risk, ordering the original ending to remain in place. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service premiered on December 1965 amidst great expectations, with an ambitious, large scale advertising campaign focusing heavily on the selling point of Bond both falling in love and confronting his definitive nemesis, the ultimate cinematic experience (“Look Up! Look Out! Look Down! James Bond does it better than ever!”). To say that the film was a success would be, to put it mildly, a major understatement. Audiences responded with unforeseen intensity, breaking box office records for the franchise as Bondmania appeared to reach the ultimate pinnacle of popularity.

Critics were very complimentary of the Connery-Sydow-Dunaway trio, Barry’s engaging score, the action sequences and, particularly, the portrayal of Bond in new dramatic territory. On the other hand, some were skeptical of the running time – at 120 minutes, the longest Bond film thus far – and the growing overreliance of Bond regarding gadgets and technology, which some found distracting. Still under contract for two more outings, Connery nonetheless made his increasing frustration clear to Saltzman and Broccoli, stating his belief that the schedule was unacceptably grueling and that he had done about as much as he could with the character. Unwilling to lose their invincible leading man as Feldman’s Casino Royale and McClory’s Thunderball began to take some shape – opening the serious risk of three simultaneous Bond films – the producers eased up on wanting a fifth film for 1966, thus postponing Connery’s penultimate adventure. For their part, both von Sydow and Dunaway would enjoy substantial exposure from their respective performance, with Dunaway in particular crediting the film with allowing her to start a long and successful career.

Retrospectively, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service has long been held as one of the best Bond films in the franchise, the crowning finale to what has been described by fans as the “holy trinity” of From Russia with Love, Goldfinger and OHMSS. Although some aspects – particularly the more technology heavy aspects of the script – have not aged as well, it is generally agreed that Connery gives out his best and most memorable performance, aided by a brilliant supporting cast, a memorable villain and a unique Bond girl, with Blofeld hailed as an example of a threatening, sinister villain, and Tracy seen as one of the most complex heroines in the franchise. On the whole, highlights of the film include Bond’s romance with Tracy, Blofeld’s interrogation of Bond, the assault on the SPECTRE base, Tracy’s death sequence, and, as a more underrated aspect, M’s internal conflict with 007 thorough the film.

Author’s Notes: OHMSS was postponed three times before getting made: after FRWL, after Goldfinger, and then after Thunderball. The first and the third were due to weather conditions and tight schedules, so I chose not to tamper with those. Here, the inability to close a deal with McClory in 1964 allows EON to go after an OHMSS with Connery, which, while very similar, is still different enough from the one we know. Apparently, the Goldfinger twin nonsense – such a recurrent and thankfully never used concept! – originally came up here. I don’t have access to the original Maibaum script – which was said to be faithful to the novel -, so I’ve combined novel and book, and then made some minor alterations for the plot.
THE DEATH COLLECTORS will return in
“A VIEW TO A KILL”
 
Last edited:
A good take on what a Connery version of OHMSS here. I imagine him staying on for the role and skipping over YOLT would have helped the franchise remain on top even longer than OTL. Some good casting there as well, although I will admit that I will always have a soft spot for Telly Savalas.
 
Top