Or the CIA might Try Something Foolish - not killing her, but they might think she could be used as a hostage to make Germany disengage from Argentina.
Stupid Luck and Happenstance, Thread III
- Thread starter Peabody-Martini
- Start date
So here’s an interesting question. Are there any Eichmann/Mengele/Nazi Escapee analogues that are Communists hiding in the area?
Kind of related, Kiki here is a very odd target in that she has 0 diplomatic value as a hostage for virtually any group save maybe some
Kind of related, Kiki here is a very odd target in that she has 0 diplomatic value as a hostage for virtually any group save maybe some
Are there any Communist groups lying around that play the OTL role of neo-Nazis who might be interested in killing a German princess who could get used to point the finger?
Part 121, Chapter 2040
Chapter Two Thousand Forty
1st February 1971
Mitte, Berlin
With all the resources in the world and Freddy found that he couldn’t seem to change anything. Earlier that week the story had leaked that Princess Kristina had gone missing while performing her duties as a Physician on a medical mission in rural Argentina. To say that the public was less than pleased to get this information was an understatement. The public persona of Kiki was sort of odd from Freddy’s understanding. Her introverted nature made it so that people could project onto her what they wanted, for good or ill. Mostly what they saw was of her helping people in her profession, so that meant she was generally well regarded. At the same time, there were her critics who saw her as a spoiled rich girl who had never really had to work a day in her life and only played at being a Surgeon. Finally, there were the crazies who hated her for what she stood for.
Freddy had been forced to make a public statement on radio and television where he just told the facts. Yes, Kiki was missing after the area she was in had been overrun. The vehicle she had been riding in had come under attack and according to scouts from the Heer, she had walked away from it. Nothing more was known. After that things had taken a life of their own and Freddy had watched as an event occurred the day before that he knew Kiki would have hated. Ever on the lookout for a chance to increase his own visibility, the Metropolitan of Berlin had reached out to his Catholic and Lutheran counterparts so that they could pray for her safe return. And then he had dropped the bombshell that Freddy had wanted to keep under wraps for weeks, that she was pregnant as well. That left Freddy fuming. He had felt that he needed to tell Benjamin about that, but it was no one else’s business. It was an unconfirmed rumor for the most part, there was one positive blood test that had been performed in less-than-optimal conditions. Supposedly, Kiki’s security detail had been on their way back to Rio Gallegos for that exact reason when the Iltis they were in was shot up by the Chilean Air Force.
That was the sort of thing that really set people off.
The problem was that the OKW was telling Freddy that the public’s expectations needed to be tempered. There was one Panzer Division in Argentina, a few hundred Naval personnel, and a single Squadron of fighter-bombers, all of whom were at the end of their logistical tether. Whatever ended up happening in South America was going to be a long slog that would reach its conclusion long after the present drama had been resolved.
In transit, near Los Molles, Chile
Kiki had refused to leave her room for a few days after the debacle at the airport. Not that Che could blame her. Her comment about being cursed probably played into that. Almost every night, the Argentine Air Force paid Santiago a visit and the last time the hotel had shuttered as bombs fell nearby. It had quickly become obvious that they needed to leave. Even if the chances of getting blown up wasn’t ever present Che was getting the impression that being Argentinean or German in Santiago wasn’t particularly healthy, especially after Kiki’s brother made a public statement regarding her status and that had been plastered all over the news.
As Che had tried to arrange transportation, he had eventually had an angry and frustrated Kiki tell him to just buy a fucking car already. It was something that had not occurred to him until she had said that. It was something that had simplified everything. He had swiftly found a factory new Honda N600 at the dealership and the Salesman had been overjoyed when Che had offered him cash for it. It turned out that banks in Chile were not interested in extending people car loans at the moment, it didn’t take too many guesses why.
It had only taken a few minutes to pack their bags, mostly because there wasn’t a whole lot to pack. It had taken far longer to get out of Santiago because they weren’t the only people trying to leave. Eventually breaking out of that crush of humanity, they had started the long drive north. It was Kiki’s turn to drive for the first leg of their journey to La Paz while Che was in charge of the radio for a few hours. For a time, it felt like all the stress and frustrations of the previous weeks fell away. It was when they saw the wide Pacific Ocean off to their left and with pop music on the radio, it felt like anything was possible.
Tempelhof, Berlin
Sending Kage Akio had been the best call. He was a Japanese National and neither the Argentinian nor Chilean Governments would have reason to detain him.
Kat hung up the phone, trying not to become angry. Akio had reported in from the safehouse in Santiago. Kat understood that he had done his best, there were things happening beyond his control and that getting angry would solve nothing. It seemed that he had missed Kiki and her traveling companion by just a few hours. According to the Hotel Manager of the place where Kiki had been for the previous weeks, she was in good health as far as anyone could tell.
Kat had wanted to monitor several bank accounts belonging to Kiki knowing that when she turned up, she would likely access one of them. However, the banks had dragged their feet and Kat had been forced to get a Court Order. That had slowed things down considerably. Picking the phone back up Kat dialed the number where Louis Ferdinand could be reached. Louis had asked Kat to find Kiki and that was proving to be rather difficult as most of Argentina seemed to be stuck in the stone age. At least this time she would have something to report.
1st February 1971
Mitte, Berlin
With all the resources in the world and Freddy found that he couldn’t seem to change anything. Earlier that week the story had leaked that Princess Kristina had gone missing while performing her duties as a Physician on a medical mission in rural Argentina. To say that the public was less than pleased to get this information was an understatement. The public persona of Kiki was sort of odd from Freddy’s understanding. Her introverted nature made it so that people could project onto her what they wanted, for good or ill. Mostly what they saw was of her helping people in her profession, so that meant she was generally well regarded. At the same time, there were her critics who saw her as a spoiled rich girl who had never really had to work a day in her life and only played at being a Surgeon. Finally, there were the crazies who hated her for what she stood for.
Freddy had been forced to make a public statement on radio and television where he just told the facts. Yes, Kiki was missing after the area she was in had been overrun. The vehicle she had been riding in had come under attack and according to scouts from the Heer, she had walked away from it. Nothing more was known. After that things had taken a life of their own and Freddy had watched as an event occurred the day before that he knew Kiki would have hated. Ever on the lookout for a chance to increase his own visibility, the Metropolitan of Berlin had reached out to his Catholic and Lutheran counterparts so that they could pray for her safe return. And then he had dropped the bombshell that Freddy had wanted to keep under wraps for weeks, that she was pregnant as well. That left Freddy fuming. He had felt that he needed to tell Benjamin about that, but it was no one else’s business. It was an unconfirmed rumor for the most part, there was one positive blood test that had been performed in less-than-optimal conditions. Supposedly, Kiki’s security detail had been on their way back to Rio Gallegos for that exact reason when the Iltis they were in was shot up by the Chilean Air Force.
That was the sort of thing that really set people off.
The problem was that the OKW was telling Freddy that the public’s expectations needed to be tempered. There was one Panzer Division in Argentina, a few hundred Naval personnel, and a single Squadron of fighter-bombers, all of whom were at the end of their logistical tether. Whatever ended up happening in South America was going to be a long slog that would reach its conclusion long after the present drama had been resolved.
In transit, near Los Molles, Chile
Kiki had refused to leave her room for a few days after the debacle at the airport. Not that Che could blame her. Her comment about being cursed probably played into that. Almost every night, the Argentine Air Force paid Santiago a visit and the last time the hotel had shuttered as bombs fell nearby. It had quickly become obvious that they needed to leave. Even if the chances of getting blown up wasn’t ever present Che was getting the impression that being Argentinean or German in Santiago wasn’t particularly healthy, especially after Kiki’s brother made a public statement regarding her status and that had been plastered all over the news.
As Che had tried to arrange transportation, he had eventually had an angry and frustrated Kiki tell him to just buy a fucking car already. It was something that had not occurred to him until she had said that. It was something that had simplified everything. He had swiftly found a factory new Honda N600 at the dealership and the Salesman had been overjoyed when Che had offered him cash for it. It turned out that banks in Chile were not interested in extending people car loans at the moment, it didn’t take too many guesses why.
It had only taken a few minutes to pack their bags, mostly because there wasn’t a whole lot to pack. It had taken far longer to get out of Santiago because they weren’t the only people trying to leave. Eventually breaking out of that crush of humanity, they had started the long drive north. It was Kiki’s turn to drive for the first leg of their journey to La Paz while Che was in charge of the radio for a few hours. For a time, it felt like all the stress and frustrations of the previous weeks fell away. It was when they saw the wide Pacific Ocean off to their left and with pop music on the radio, it felt like anything was possible.
Tempelhof, Berlin
Sending Kage Akio had been the best call. He was a Japanese National and neither the Argentinian nor Chilean Governments would have reason to detain him.
Kat hung up the phone, trying not to become angry. Akio had reported in from the safehouse in Santiago. Kat understood that he had done his best, there were things happening beyond his control and that getting angry would solve nothing. It seemed that he had missed Kiki and her traveling companion by just a few hours. According to the Hotel Manager of the place where Kiki had been for the previous weeks, she was in good health as far as anyone could tell.
Kat had wanted to monitor several bank accounts belonging to Kiki knowing that when she turned up, she would likely access one of them. However, the banks had dragged their feet and Kat had been forced to get a Court Order. That had slowed things down considerably. Picking the phone back up Kat dialed the number where Louis Ferdinand could be reached. Louis had asked Kat to find Kiki and that was proving to be rather difficult as most of Argentina seemed to be stuck in the stone age. At least this time she would have something to report.
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Ok with Kat in the picture now with her Ninja Kage Akio at her side stuff has gotten real now.
The Rockefeller Administration should be reaching out to Chile to tell them that if anything happens to Princess Kristina the American people will not like that and may demand that aid to Chile gets cutoff.
With the confirmation by the German Emperor that Kiki is now officially listed as MIA Chile can now openly search for her and blast pictures of her everywhere and post a substantial reward for her capture alive (if possible ).
The Rockefeller Administration should be reaching out to Chile to tell them that if anything happens to Princess Kristina the American people will not like that and may demand that aid to Chile gets cutoff.
With the confirmation by the German Emperor that Kiki is now officially listed as MIA Chile can now openly search for her and blast pictures of her everywhere and post a substantial reward for her capture alive (if possible ).
That made me think of the Austin Mini, then the Italian Job, and gave birth to this, (with apologies to @Peabody-Martini):
---
The Long Way Out, (1972 UFA)
This dark comedy, directed by Franz-Josef Spieker, (Wilder Reiter GmbH), co-written by Spieker and Maurice Metzenburg, (Dinner for One), is a satire based on Princess Kristina Hirsch-Von Preussen's escape from Argentina.
Plot:
While working at as a doctor, the spoilt Princess Katerin Von Thurienburg, (Monica Bleibtreu), is caught up in fighting between Argentina and Chile. Accompanied by the womanising Dr Ernest Arbusto, (Richard Marin). Meaning to make their escape, due to a combination of luck, (both good and bad), and remarkable coincidence, the pair find themselves having to travel further and further into hostile territory in order to escape. All the while they are pursued by the CIA, Chilean security, Russian spies, Japanese Ninjas and "Jane Blonde", a British agent that seems to get in everybody's way for no apparent reason. The pair see almost every escape attempt spoiled or misdirected unintentionally, leading to humorous results as the Princess learns she cannot just buy her way out of trouble.
Despite being a fast paced satire, Spieker and Metzenburg manage to inject a great deal of humanity into the script and we see the Princess develop from a spoiled brat, only interested in her own image, to a genuine, caring individual and a conscientious medical professional through the experiences she receives during the course of the film.
This film was released in 1972 to high critical praise and has been awarded many acolades both in Germany and abroad, including The Golden Rose at the Montreux film Festival and a BAFTA for Best Foreign Language film.
The Long Way Out is ranked as Germany's third highest grossing film at the box office, and with subsequent video, DVD and Blueray releases, Germany's fourth highest grossing movie of all time.
Did you know:
Michael Bentine, the British actor who plays Colonel Manuel Rio Guevara, the sinister head of the Chilean Secret Police, worked for the British Secret service during the 1940's and allegedly worked in Bolivia and Peru training their secret police forces.
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I would be extremely surprised if through some labyrinthine layer of financial cut-outs the film wasn’t bankrolled by Lagertha von Wovogle-Knispel and Kiki’s private funds. Would the sharp-eyed viewer see in the credits a certain ‘Kristina Fischer’ as a ‘location consultant’ to the producers?
I am soooo happy this thread still active, i am so interested in the story, great work
Part 122, Chapter 2041
Chapter Two Thousand Forty-One
2nd February 1971
Colchane, Chile
Crossing the Atacama Desert at night turned out to be a bit of a treat. Kiki could see the bright stars overhead as the headlights of the car shown off into the darkness of the highway ahead. Che had fallen asleep with instructions to wake him before they reached the Bolivian border. It was how they had done it since they had left Santiago the day before. One of them would drive while the other slept or at least watched the changing countryside pass by. Sometimes they talked, but often there wasn’t a whole lot to say. Kiki and Che had been stuck together for the last couple months and by this point it was obvious they had exhausted most of the things that they might have talked about otherwise.
Rounding a turn, Kiki saw that the brightly lit border station was ahead off in the distance. She considered elbowing Che awake, but she had grown tired of playing games. She just wanted out of Chile.
Slowing as she reached the checkpoint Kiki stopped the car. She noticed armed soldiers, teenaged conscripts for the most part, standing around looking bored. They were probably too naïve to understand how lucky they were not to assigned to a unit was fighting in the war thousands of kilometers south of here.
“Good morning” A soldier, an older Noncom from the look of him, said as Kiki rolled down the window. “What brings you this way.”
“Me and my friend Ernesto are Doctors who were on a medical mission when this wretched war caught us off guard” Kiki said, “We are trying to get clear. We had a flight out of Santiago, but the airport was attacked, and our plane was blown up. This was our second plan, though we are still making it up as we go along…”
Kiki trailed off when she realized she was babbling. She also realized that every word she had said was true.
“We will try not to keep for too long then Doctora” The Noncom said, “You have your papers?”
With a bit of reluctance, Kiki produced the same passport and identification that had set off that Chilean Officer a thousand years earlier hoping that was a one-off thing. Che was awake and was not thrilled that she had failed to wake him.
“A German and an Argentinian?” The Noncom asked, an eyebrow raised.
“As I said, we want no part in this war” Kiki replied, “Hippocratic oath and all of that.”
The Noncom gave Kiki and Che an appraising look before he turned and yelled over his shoulder. “José, get your worthless butt over here! I think we’ve a solution to your little problem!”
One of the soldiers, a young man with a sheepish look on his face stepped forward.
“I would have offered him a cash bribe” Che said softly, “This works too. I would say that this is a classic case of how the love bug bites and I’ll leave the matter in your capable hands. So, you may need to use one of those vials of antibiotics that you guard so fiercely.”
Kiki knew that Che was probably correct about that. For most soldiers, a Doctor outside of their chain of command was a godsend. This was because any Doctor on the inside would need to report any cases of certain diseases they ran across to their superiors. That included the one that Che had mentioned.
----------------------------------------------------------------
An hour later, Kiki and Che were rolling down the highway again, this time on the Bolivian side of the border as the sun was rising over the mountains. The feeling that Kiki needed to constantly look over her shoulder was gone and that was profoundly liberating. Che was driving, but Kiki wasn’t ready to sleep just yet. She also feared the dreams that would come.
“Look at you, Doctora von Preussen” Che said, “Treating VD among your enemies.”
“I tend to agree with Father Lehmann” Kiki replied, “Fear and ignorance are our enemies, not boys a long way from home making questionable choices.”
“You are hardly the stereotypical German” Che said.
“What is the stereotypical German?” Kiki asked.
“Spiked helmet, God, Kaiser, and Country in that order, if they aren’t one and the same. Patriotism as a religion of sorts.”
“For starters, those spiked helmets went out of style decades ago” Kiki replied, “If you met either my father or brother, you would know why I do not think they are akin to God and I am hardly out of the ordinary in that regard.”
“Still, that was like something out of a movie” Che said.
Kiki frowned. “I get scripts from time to time from various screen writers who want to base their work on my life” She said, “Most of them seem to lean into the spoiled Princess line, which I hate or making me out to be some sort of saccharine sweet moral paragon which is worse. I’m sure you have figured out by now that I am none of those things.”
The image came unbidden to Che’s mind was the aftermath of what she had done to that Chilean Officer. She had killed him silently with his men just a few meters away, and they had been listening for any trouble. The fact that she only seemed to regret that her knowledge of human anatomy had been what had enabled her to do it, not the deed itself was a bit disquieting. That was learned behavior and just who had she learned it from?
“As for patriotism…” Kiki said with a snort, “Right now all of Germany is celebrating the centennial, starting on the 18th of January which is the hundredth anniversary of the formation of the German Empire and running through the 10th of May. That tells you everything you need to know.”
“What happened a hundred years ago on the 10th of May?” Che asked.
“The Treaty of Frankfurt am Main officially ending the Franco-Prussian War” Kiki replied, “Suga, my sister-in-law, says that it is because no one really wanted to freeze in the cold for fireworks twice in January, and they get to rub the whole thing in the face of France once again. That’s patriotism for you in a nutshell. My cave is better than yours, Cro-Magnon bullshit.”
“Isn’t Cro-Magnon in France?”
“You know what I mean” Kiki replied as she resumed looking out the window in silence.
2nd February 1971
Colchane, Chile
Crossing the Atacama Desert at night turned out to be a bit of a treat. Kiki could see the bright stars overhead as the headlights of the car shown off into the darkness of the highway ahead. Che had fallen asleep with instructions to wake him before they reached the Bolivian border. It was how they had done it since they had left Santiago the day before. One of them would drive while the other slept or at least watched the changing countryside pass by. Sometimes they talked, but often there wasn’t a whole lot to say. Kiki and Che had been stuck together for the last couple months and by this point it was obvious they had exhausted most of the things that they might have talked about otherwise.
Rounding a turn, Kiki saw that the brightly lit border station was ahead off in the distance. She considered elbowing Che awake, but she had grown tired of playing games. She just wanted out of Chile.
Slowing as she reached the checkpoint Kiki stopped the car. She noticed armed soldiers, teenaged conscripts for the most part, standing around looking bored. They were probably too naïve to understand how lucky they were not to assigned to a unit was fighting in the war thousands of kilometers south of here.
“Good morning” A soldier, an older Noncom from the look of him, said as Kiki rolled down the window. “What brings you this way.”
“Me and my friend Ernesto are Doctors who were on a medical mission when this wretched war caught us off guard” Kiki said, “We are trying to get clear. We had a flight out of Santiago, but the airport was attacked, and our plane was blown up. This was our second plan, though we are still making it up as we go along…”
Kiki trailed off when she realized she was babbling. She also realized that every word she had said was true.
“We will try not to keep for too long then Doctora” The Noncom said, “You have your papers?”
With a bit of reluctance, Kiki produced the same passport and identification that had set off that Chilean Officer a thousand years earlier hoping that was a one-off thing. Che was awake and was not thrilled that she had failed to wake him.
“A German and an Argentinian?” The Noncom asked, an eyebrow raised.
“As I said, we want no part in this war” Kiki replied, “Hippocratic oath and all of that.”
The Noncom gave Kiki and Che an appraising look before he turned and yelled over his shoulder. “José, get your worthless butt over here! I think we’ve a solution to your little problem!”
One of the soldiers, a young man with a sheepish look on his face stepped forward.
“I would have offered him a cash bribe” Che said softly, “This works too. I would say that this is a classic case of how the love bug bites and I’ll leave the matter in your capable hands. So, you may need to use one of those vials of antibiotics that you guard so fiercely.”
Kiki knew that Che was probably correct about that. For most soldiers, a Doctor outside of their chain of command was a godsend. This was because any Doctor on the inside would need to report any cases of certain diseases they ran across to their superiors. That included the one that Che had mentioned.
----------------------------------------------------------------
An hour later, Kiki and Che were rolling down the highway again, this time on the Bolivian side of the border as the sun was rising over the mountains. The feeling that Kiki needed to constantly look over her shoulder was gone and that was profoundly liberating. Che was driving, but Kiki wasn’t ready to sleep just yet. She also feared the dreams that would come.
“Look at you, Doctora von Preussen” Che said, “Treating VD among your enemies.”
“I tend to agree with Father Lehmann” Kiki replied, “Fear and ignorance are our enemies, not boys a long way from home making questionable choices.”
“You are hardly the stereotypical German” Che said.
“What is the stereotypical German?” Kiki asked.
“Spiked helmet, God, Kaiser, and Country in that order, if they aren’t one and the same. Patriotism as a religion of sorts.”
“For starters, those spiked helmets went out of style decades ago” Kiki replied, “If you met either my father or brother, you would know why I do not think they are akin to God and I am hardly out of the ordinary in that regard.”
“Still, that was like something out of a movie” Che said.
Kiki frowned. “I get scripts from time to time from various screen writers who want to base their work on my life” She said, “Most of them seem to lean into the spoiled Princess line, which I hate or making me out to be some sort of saccharine sweet moral paragon which is worse. I’m sure you have figured out by now that I am none of those things.”
The image came unbidden to Che’s mind was the aftermath of what she had done to that Chilean Officer. She had killed him silently with his men just a few meters away, and they had been listening for any trouble. The fact that she only seemed to regret that her knowledge of human anatomy had been what had enabled her to do it, not the deed itself was a bit disquieting. That was learned behavior and just who had she learned it from?
“As for patriotism…” Kiki said with a snort, “Right now all of Germany is celebrating the centennial, starting on the 18th of January which is the hundredth anniversary of the formation of the German Empire and running through the 10th of May. That tells you everything you need to know.”
“What happened a hundred years ago on the 10th of May?” Che asked.
“The Treaty of Frankfurt am Main officially ending the Franco-Prussian War” Kiki replied, “Suga, my sister-in-law, says that it is because no one really wanted to freeze in the cold for fireworks twice in January, and they get to rub the whole thing in the face of France once again. That’s patriotism for you in a nutshell. My cave is better than yours, Cro-Magnon bullshit.”
“Isn’t Cro-Magnon in France?”
“You know what I mean” Kiki replied as she resumed looking out the window in silence.
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Those poor recruit soldiers are going get landed on hard if it comes out that they let her through though. The higher ups back in Santiago aren't going to be happy at all. The fact that Kiki managed to get herself out as well as Che without waiting to be rescued is another notch in the Disney princess stories. She didn't need rescued and if you'd stop trying to help she would get home a lot sooner!
If Nancy Jensen-Schultz managed to get product placement for VW cars into the ‘fun in the sun’ movies a decade or so back, think of what Honda’s people could do in terms of placement into the upcoming film based on a true story from the best selling book of the travel diaries...
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This reminds me of an episode or two of M*A*S*H*, where the docs would treat soldiers from other UN countries for various ailments that they didn't want to be reported to their superiors. The going rate for fixing a non-US officer's in-grown toenail was a bottle of scotch. Something more serious could be worth at least a case. Enlisted typically owed a favour to Radar or Klinger.
After this is all over, Che really needs to read up on Kiki's history. Such as the assassination attempts that began when she was a literal baby. The need for Kiki to be able to defend herself is very real and she has received instruction from the very best instructors available. And knowing that there really are people out to get you really helps you to concentrate your mental faculties on the necessary survival training.
While I know full well it's not the same kind of cat, I think Rains of Castamere - errr, I mean, Santiago - jokes are in order.
Marc A