1686: The Great Proclamation of Emperor Joseph
Sages, à la Chełm
The Life and Times of the Holy Caribbean Empire
The Life and Times of the Holy Caribbean Empire
List of Holy Caribbean Emperors:
1686-1720: Joseph Sutton (hereditary)
1720-1751: Paul Sutton (hereditary)
1751-1754: Interregnum
1754-1761: Rebeckah Sutton (hereditary)
1761-1769: Thomas I Sutton (hereditary)
1769-1786: Thomas II Sutton (hereditary)
1786-1789: Interregnum
The China thread
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In 1932, Louis of Brandice, the famous progressive High Judge, expertly summed up the very being of the Holy Caribbean Empire in his dissent in a case regarding whether or not it should be legal for the constituent bodies of the Empire to ban the sale of ice (the majority of the High Court stating that it should not be legal). While the bulk of his dissent just stated the sheer ridiculousness of selling ice when people can go out and freeze some themselves, he did also make some points in regards to his vision of the constituent bodies. To quote him:
To stay experimentation in things social and economic is a grave responsibility. Denial of the right to experiment may be fraught with serious consequences to the nation. It is one of the happy incidents of our imperial system that a single courageous Kingdom or Republic may, if its citizens choose, serve as the laboratory of a sort of Victor Frankenstein; and try novel social and economic experiments without risk to the rest of the country. This High Court has the power to prevent an experiment. We may strike down the statute which embodies it on the ground that, in our opinion, the measure is arbitrary, capricious, or unreasonable. We have power to do this, because the due process clause has been held by the Court applicable to matters of substantive law as well as to matters of procedure. But, in the exercise of this high power, we must be ever on our guard lest we erect our prejudices into legal principles. If we would guide by the light of reason, we must let our minds be bold.
The Holy Caribbean Empire's kingdoms and republics truly are mad science laboratories of democracy (in which the mad scientist is an irresponsible college dropout), but how did they become a thing in the first place? The answer obviously lies within its history. This history, in a way, stretches out thousands of years, to the beginning of time.
However, now is not the time to talk about the beginning of time. That is an entire story on its own. We instead turn our attention to the town of Boston on May 25, 1686, when King Joseph of the Hill officially proclaimed the foundation of the Holy Caribbean Empire. To quote him (in cleaned-up language), "I say to you, my house and I shall reign over this Empire for a hundred years."
Now, the idea for this empire was not entirely his own. The High Kingdom of Britannia at the time had had two major concerns: firstly, it had four constituent countries, whose sovereigns would frequently deadlock and require the entire High King to be brought in to settle the matter, and secondly, there was an outflux of people to a number of independent European settler states that had established themselves on the Atlantic coast. It was thus decided to commission King Joseph to establish control over as many of the states as he could, with British help.
The HCE is its own completely separate mess now, but this is how it began: with an attempt from across the Atlantic Ocean to kill two birds with one stone.
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