Sages, à la Chełm - The Life and Times of the Holy Caribbean Empire

[Caprice]

Sages, à la Chełm
The Life and Times of the Holy Caribbean Empire​

List of Holy Caribbean Emperors:
1686-1720: Joseph Sutton (hereditary)
1720-1751: Paul Sutton (hereditary)
1751-1754: Interregnum
1754-1761: Rebeckah Sutton (hereditary)
1761-1769: Thomas I Sutton (hereditary)
1769-1786: Thomas II Sutton (hereditary)
1786-1789: Interregnum

The China thread

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In 1932, Louis of Brandice, the famous progressive High Judge, expertly summed up the very being of the Holy Caribbean Empire in his dissent in a case regarding whether or not it should be legal for the constituent bodies of the Empire to ban the sale of ice (the majority of the High Court stating that it should not be legal). While the bulk of his dissent just stated the sheer ridiculousness of selling ice when people can go out and freeze some themselves, he did also make some points in regards to his vision of the constituent bodies. To quote him:

To stay experimentation in things social and economic is a grave responsibility. Denial of the right to experiment may be fraught with serious consequences to the nation. It is one of the happy incidents of our imperial system that a single courageous Kingdom or Republic may, if its citizens choose, serve as the laboratory of a sort of Victor Frankenstein; and try novel social and economic experiments without risk to the rest of the country. This High Court has the power to prevent an experiment. We may strike down the statute which embodies it on the ground that, in our opinion, the measure is arbitrary, capricious, or unreasonable. We have power to do this, because the due process clause has been held by the Court applicable to matters of substantive law as well as to matters of procedure. But, in the exercise of this high power, we must be ever on our guard lest we erect our prejudices into legal principles. If we would guide by the light of reason, we must let our minds be bold.
​

The Holy Caribbean Empire's kingdoms and republics truly are mad science laboratories of democracy (in which the mad scientist is an irresponsible college dropout), but how did they become a thing in the first place? The answer obviously lies within its history. This history, in a way, stretches out thousands of years, to the beginning of time.

However, now is not the time to talk about the beginning of time. That is an entire story on its own. We instead turn our attention to the town of Boston on May 25, 1686, when King Joseph of the Hill officially proclaimed the foundation of the Holy Caribbean Empire. To quote him (in cleaned-up language), "I say to you, my house and I shall reign over this Empire for a hundred years."

Now, the idea for this empire was not entirely his own. The High Kingdom of Britannia at the time had had two major concerns: firstly, it had four constituent countries, whose sovereigns would frequently deadlock and require the entire High King to be brought in to settle the matter, and secondly, there was an outflux of people to a number of independent European settler states that had established themselves on the Atlantic coast. It was thus decided to commission King Joseph to establish control over as many of the states as he could, with British help.

The HCE is its own completely separate mess now, but this is how it began: with an attempt from across the Atlantic Ocean to kill two birds with one stone.

 

[Ricard (i.e. Rdffigueira)]

I have no idea of what is happening here. But I'm interested.

 

[Tempered Zen]

I'm very confused yet very intrigued.

 

[LawfulInsane]

I know this guy on other platforms, and I can confirm that this timeline started off because I wondered why US counties don't have actual counts. And then it spiralled from there into even more weirdness while we were discussing it, including the occasional almost literal ASB.

 

[Caprice]

I have no idea of what is happening here. But I'm interested.

I'm very confused yet very intrigued.

Excellent; just as I've planned. Basically, the king of OTL Massachusetts has, with British backing, declared himself emperor of the entire Atlantic seaboard. This is far from the PoD, but it's a good starting place.

I know this guy on other platforms, and I can confirm that this timeline started off because I wondered why US counties don't have actual counts. And then it spiralled from there into even more weirdness while we were discussing it, including the occasional almost literal ASB.

Can confirm.

 

[Nivek]

Just the name of the TL intruiged, but the fucking prohibition of ICE, wtf this is? waiting to see how we got that far

 

[Caprice]

Just the name of the TL intruiged, but the fucking prohibition of ICE, wtf this is? waiting to see how we got that far

Not the prohibition of ice entirely, just the sale thereof. The High Court at least had the sense to let ice be sold. Still, the fact that this was even a court case in the first place goes to show what the HCE is like.

 

[LostInNewDelhi]

All... all right. I wonder if certain topics (religion?) are off topic for experimentation, this being a Holy Empire and all. But maybe this Empire's God is Robespierre's Supreme Being.

Will you be taking any inspirations from OTL "national laboratory" approaches to governance, like Gaspar de Francia's Paraguay?

 

[Caprice]

All... all right. I wonder if certain topics (religion?) are off topic for experimentation, this being a Holy Empire and all. But maybe this Empire's God is Robespierre's Supreme Being.

Will you be taking any inspirations from OTL "national laboratory" approaches to governance, like Gaspar de Francia's Paraguay?

Honestly, I'm just riffing off the HRE for the HCE's name. Nothing is sacred. As for the national laboratory thing, we shall see when we get there.

---

A contemporary portrait of Prime Minister Stoughton, painted by Everard Dudley (Evert Duyckinck in his native Dutch)

In 1686, Emperor Joseph established the Holy Caribbean Empire, as previously established. Not content with the legislature of the Hill, Joseph appointed seventeen individuals as viscounts and declared them to be the Imperial Diet, a purely advisory body. Nine of them were from the Hill, three were from New Somerset, two were from New Hampshire (one not technically being a viscount, but the famously inept King Robert), one was from the Promontory (in the south of present-day Providence Plantation), one was from the Point (a location to the east of New Somerset), and one was a representative for British interests. The Diet elected Viscount William Stoughton of Dorchester, not-yet-known radical Puritan, as the Prime Minister.

A map of the towns that were first given Viscounts by Emperor Joseph

Even though he was now Prime Minister, Stoughton did not actually have much of any power, most of said power being concentrated directly in the hands of Emperor Joseph himself. This is not to say that the prime ministers just sat around looking fancy; often, especially early on, they were up to their own various things. Granted, Stoughton's first tenure as Prime Minister did not last long enough for him to truly make his mark.

New Hampshire and New Somerset were quick to submit to rule from Boston, given that they had generally been on-and-off subjects already. Joseph set his sights on the three states to his south: from east to west, the Kingdom of Plymouth, the Republic of Rhode Island and Providence Plantation, and the Republic of Longriver. Stoughton was thus sent to deal with the King of Plymouth; as he was a Puritan, it was thought that he might be able to better soothe any fears. It was agreed that, in exchange for six seats in the Diet, Plymouth would become a member kingdom of the HCE.

When Stoughton arrived back in Boston, however, he was met with a surprise. Emperor Joseph had sacked him from his Prime Ministry in favor of another English commissioner, sent over to secure the Atlantic seaboard sooner rather than later: Edmund Andrews.

 

[Caprice]

Sir Edmond Andrews, as depicted by 19th-century painter Frederick Stone Batcheller

On December 20, 1686, Emperor Joseph of the Holy Caribbean Empire officially declared Sir Edmund Andrews (or Andros) to be the Prime Minister. William Stoughton, the existing Prime Minister, could not contest this as he was in Plymouth on official business, so no real objection was made. By the time Stoughton could come back and bring up a fuss, there was nothing much he could do but sulk and wait for his time to come. Which it would, eventually. But for now, Andrews was (de jure; it seems that he wielded more power than Emperor Joseph at times) second-in-command. The third-in-command was Sir Francis Nicholson, who was hurriedly given a viscounty and the position of Deputy Prime Minister upon arriving in Boston early in 1687. With these affairs in place, the HCE could now focus its attention on securing the rest of New England, and hopefully the rest of the Atlantic seaboard.

Rhode Island submitted with little pomp and circumstance, and were allotted seven seats in the Imperial Diet (on top of the existing seat for the Promontory). The Republic of Longriver, however, was an entirely different story. as their thirteen-member Executive Council was rather unwilling to relinquish control. To this effect, they began to hatch a plan. An invitation was sent to Andrews in late October inviting him to come to negotiations at the legislative building in Hartford scheduled for the day after the letter was to be sent (the letter itself was postmarked September to avoid suspicion). The letter also stated that, if Andrews was not to arrive for negotiations, it would be taken as a guarantee of independence for Longriver. The letter was sent, and the Executive Council arrived the next day for routine business to discover Andrews present and ready for negotiations. As the story goes, Andrews was in town to visit a local business, and remembered that the government was here and he could negotiate the submission of Longriver while he was in Hartford. So the negotiations began, Andrews having the initial element of surprise.

Eventually, Andrews convinced the Council to fetch the constitution so he could look it over. The Andrews government was already well-known for its general disregard of democracy (whether as a temporary measure or not will likely never be known), so the Council had already made plans for this course of events. While Andrews was skimming the constitution, the lights suddenly went out, and when they went back on, the constitution was nowhere to be seen. Andrews stood up, appointed two of the people who were in the room to be the Viscounts (and thus Longriver's sole two representatives in the Diet), then left for Boston, the constitution in tow. Except the constitution he had was a fake; the real one had been hidden in the hollow of an oak tree for just this purpose. Both sides, seeing themselves victorious, proceeded to do absolutely nothing about it afterwards.

With all of New England under Holy Caribbean rule (as far as Boston cared, at least), Andrews turned his eyes upon the Netherland of New Amsterdam to the west, which had broken up with the other seven United Netherlands and also Drenthe a couple of decades beforehand due to concerns over keeping up a long-distance relationship. Francis Nicholson was given the name Frans Nilsen and told to act like he was the Stadtholder until the people of New Amsterdam went along with it. The people of New Amsterdam humored him, generally assuming him to be the new town fool. Andrews saw this as a success, just as he had seen Connecticut as a success, and granted New Amsterdam eight seats in the Diet.

The next targets were the Archduchies of Left and Right Jersey, which were ruled by the rival Archdukes John II of Left Jersey and George II of Right Jersey. Andrews was able to play each one against the other, getting each Archduke to submit to rule from Boston in exchange for support against the other. Before Andrews could assign seats in the Diet to the Jerseys, he was recalled to Boston by Emperor Joseph in June of 1689. You see, Joseph had found out about the various ways Andrews had supposedly gotten the various states to submit to the HCE, and he was not particularly happy. News had come from New Amsterdam that New Amsterdam, the capital, was on fire. Frans Nilsen had said to a local militia officer, "I rather would see the town on fire than to be commanded by you." And now the town was on fire, and everybody was blaming Nilsen. Nilsen was stripped of his Deputy Prime Ministry, and, when Andrews arrived in Boston, he was stripped of his Prime Ministry, which was returned to William Stoughton. Emperor Joseph now had to figure out how to resolve the unrest that Andrews had generated.

A map of the Holy Caribbean Empire upon the recall of Prime Minister Andrews in 1689

 

[LawfulInsane]

These names would horrify any person from IOTL

 

[Unknown]

What's the PoD for this?

 

[Caprice]

What's the PoD for this?

Good question; I do know it goes back to the dawn of time, but not when the dawn of time is.

 

[Caprice]

A painting of William Stoughton from around 1700, by an unknown artist.

On June 13, 1689, William Stoughton was officially returned to being Prime Minister after the three-year government of Edmund Andrews. While Andrews had successfully united most of the north, it was more in general annoyance at Boston than anything, so Stoughton was tasked with making this no longer the case. In the end, he negotiated an agreement with the various states that Andrews had questionably gained overlordship over in which, in return for lip service to Boston, the states could run themselves however they wanted. This just left the Promontory, the Point, Plymouth, New Hampshire, and New Somerset left to deal with.

The Hillites in the Diet wanted to subsume all of these regions into the Hill, but, even though Plymouth (as well as New Amsterdam and Rhode Island) failed to send any legislators to the Diet, the vote to indiscriminately subsume the five provinces into the Hill was defeated with 8 votes for and 10 against. It was instead decided that the best option would be to consult the viscounts from each relevant province. Viscount Fitz-john Winthrop of the Promontory opted to join Rhode Island, and so this was made official in early 1690 (though this arguably did not change the fact that the Promontory had always generally been more under the sway of the Knights than the Puritans anyway). New Hampshire's viscounts were firmly against annexation by the Hill, which is a large contributor to the present-day existence of New Hampshire. The sole Viscount in Maine, Bartholomew Gedney (the other two had died), acceded to the Hill later that year, and when the French stole Viscount Edward Tyng of the Point in 1691, it was decided in his absence to also attach the Point to the Hill. Plymouth was also joined to the Hill, seeing as nobody else knew what to do with it (and nobody had thought up the solution to just leave them be).

Things began to go downhill, however, in 1692, when Stoughton got caught up in a massive witchcraft scare that afflicted the areas north of Boston; however, this scare fizzled out after one of the afflicted witches said the Lord's Prayer on the stake upon which he was to be burnt. This permanently broke trust in the Imperial Diet, which just continued to fall as Viscounts died without anybody naming replacements. By the death of William Stoughton in 1701, thirteen viscounts remained. Edward Randolph was chosen Prime Minister, but he faced strong unpopularity, and went on to do nothing before dying in 1703.

The next time the Imperial Diet met was seventeen years later in 1720, as Emperor Joseph had died on April 2 of that year. The remaining four members chose Viscount John Usher of Medford as Prime Minister, then voted 4-0 to confirm Joseph's eldest son Paul as Emperor. The Diet is not known to have met afterward, and after the death of the final Viscount, John Hinckes of Portsmouth, in 1734, any chance of the Diet meeting again was quashed. To honor him, Emperor Paul unilaterally expanded the territory of New Hampshire, which paved the way for further tweaks to provincial borders (for example, the merging of the two Archduchies of Left and Right Jersey into a consular Republic of New Jersey, with the Archdukes becoming hereditary co-consuls). In the 1740s, he expanded the borders of the HCE to include the Republic in Penn's Forest and the Kingdom of Maryland

The Holy Caribbean Empire upon the death of Emperor Paul I in 1751

When Emperor Paul died on January 25, 1751, nobody knew what to do, as he had no descendants to speak of, and all his brothers had died (though three sisters remained: Rebeckah, Ann, and Mary). To complicate matters, there was no remaining Imperial Diet to call upon. So, after a couple of years of the HCE essentially no longer existing, the constituent states decided to set up an Imperial Diet anyway. New Jersey was excluded for two reasons: a) their consuls couldn't agree on anything at all, and 2) they had never been given seats in the Old Diet, so it was seen as something to uphold. When each state's leaders had each selected a number of Deputies to serve in the Diet, they were to meet in Beaverwick, New Amsterdam, to figure out an emperor and a constitution. And so, that agreement was made, and the various Kingdoms and Republics set to selecting deputies.

 

[LawfulInsane]

the Promontory had always generally been more under the sway of the Knights than the Puritans anyway

The Knights? Is this a Rhode Island - Island of Rhodes joke?

 

[Caprice]

The Knights? Is this a Rhode Island - Island of Rhodes joke?

Yes. Some of the Knights Hospitaller got quite lost indeed.

 

[Unknown]

How lost did they get, @Caprice?

 

[Caprice]

How lost did they get, @Caprice?

Lost enough to wind up in Rhode Island.

 

[Caprice]

On June 19, 1754, twenty-two delegates from seven of the eight member states of the Holy Caribbean Empire met in Beaverwick, New Amsterdam, to select an Emperor and to figure out what the entire point of the Empire was supposed to be. The late Emperor Paul had five kids, most of whom were named Lucy, but he had outlasted them all. He had no surviving brothers, but he did have three surviving sisters. Furthermore, his younger brother William (1686-1743) had a number of children, including two sons, Thomas and Joseph.

A family tree of the relevant personages.

Two major candidates emerged: Rebeckah, Paul's sister; and Thomas, his nephew. Thomas became the favorite of the Anglophile faction (those who favored a closer tie to the rest of the High Kingdom) for his continued residence in Roxbury, and Rebeckah of the Localist faction (those who preferred to distance themselves from European influence) for her residence in Longriver, a Localist stronghold. On the first ballot, Thomas received seven votes, Rebeckah received six, and various other members of the imperial family received the remaining nine. On the second ballot, votes had further concentrated between the two, with Rebeckah and Thomas each receiving ten, with two votes (both from Maryland) scattered. Anyone who could convince both members of the Maryland delegation to support their candidate would get their candidate elected. On the third ballot, each member went a different way, causing Rebeckah and Thomas to get eleven votes each.

Realizing that this would go nowhere anytime soon, the Diet decided to move on to the choice of a Prime Minister. James of Lancey was chosen. The Diet went to another ballot for Emperor, and Rebeckah and Thomas once again tied. Lancey was called upon to break the tie, and he did so in favor of Rebeckah, who was officially declared to be the third Holy Caribbean Emperor, to be crowned later that year.

A map of how each state's delegation voted, roughly. Brown for Rebeckah, blue for Thomas, grey for 50-50 split.

The Diet could now go on to figure out a constitution for the HCE. The system that was decided on was as follows.

There would be the Emperor, who would serve as the supreme executive and the final say on any law. While they could not declare royal edicts, they could order the Imperial Diet to write up a law for them. The Prime Minister was to communicate between them and the Imperial Diet, and was to be chosen from among their number. The Imperial Diet was to consist of however many deputies all of the constituent states sent combined, to be selected from each state every ten years however said state deemed necessary. Deputies would serve for life. The Emperor would also appoint a judiciary. Furthermore, every twenty years, the "outgoing" Diet would revise the constitution before ending their ten-year session.

It took a few years, but the new constitution eventually got set up, upon which occasion Empress Rebeckah took the opportunity to die in 1761. The time had come to figure out who the fourth Holy Caribbean Emperor would be.

 

[Caprice]

On April 14, Empress Rebeckah of the Holy Caribbean Empire died. This was concerning, as she was already empress on shaky footing. The Diet was thus called upon to figure out who the next Emperor would be. While those who supported Rebeckah's nephew Thomas continued to support him, her own supporters moved to support her son Henry. Only eighteen deputies remained out of the twenty-two; Elisha Williams of Longriver had died in 1755, and three more deputies (including Prime Miniser Lancey) died in 1760. William Smith (or Willem Smit, in his native Left Dutch) had been elected the next Prime Minister for the remaining three years of the session.

On the first round of balloting, Thomas received seven votes, Henry received five, and six went to various other royals. On the second ballot, Thomas was elected with ten votes to eight for Henry. It was under him that the second and final discrete empire-wide round of elections was held for the Imperial Diet in 1764. New Jersey was finally represented, and it was with these elections (which were conducted, not popularly, but within the administrations of the relevant states) that Delaware was officially recognized as separate from Penn's Forest. Furthermore, a call to the various states to the south resulted in three deputies being sent from Down Carolina, marking its accession to the HCE. When one of the names sent by New Amsterdam listed an already-sitting deputy, Filip van Leeuwen, in its list of new deputies, it was decided to give him two seats in the Diet, a precedent that would become important down the line, especially once the new legislature of 44 members (but 45 votes) chose him as Prime Minister. Another precedent, that of this body meeting in the house of the person in charge, was established when Livingston moved the Diet to his residence in the city of New Amsterdam.

This new assembly contained 24/25 Imperials, 10 Anglophiles, and 10 neutrals, as opposed to the previous one, which had had a more even distribution. However, as Emperor Thomas was solidly for remaining part of the High Kingdom of Britannia, the Imperials could not particularly advance their goals, which, in a way, helped foster cohesion among their numbers; division into pro-centralization and anti-centralization factions would only begin to be fostered later on.

In 1769, Emperor Thomas died at the ripe age of 38, and his son Thomas, barely 14, was crowned Emperor Thomas II soon after. He was confirmed just about unanimously by the Diet, which, despite suffering from a little bit of attrition, was still well and running. In 1774, the time came to revise the constitution, and, thanks to Emperor Thomas' youth, the Diet was able to pass, among other clauses weakening executive power, a clause stating that they could, if it was called for, depose the Emperor. Another major change got rid of the ten-year period between elections and set the Diet into eternal session, with members to be replenished by the states however and whenever they pleased. The Diet was then adjourned for the final time.