Fearless Leader
Donor
Wow...this is AMAZING! I've always been tempted to do an NFL TL...now I'm seriously intimidated by the awesomeness that is this one.
THE DAWG POUND DYNASTY: AN ALTERNATE HISTORY OF THE NFL
- Thread starter Pellegrino
- Start date
Thanks everyone. And yes, I do not deny that this is a big time Browns wank. But to be honest, a good NFL TL should be some sort of wank. A team that rises to the top agaisnt all odds (which is why it worked so well for the Browns. No other team except the Lions and maybe the Bills have that ingrained image of a team that falls short. This TL works since it turns that on its head). But a NFL TL that is just "this season the Packers were awesome, next season the Rams were awesome" without one team jumping to the top and being the central force in the TL doesn't work as well in my opinion. A recap of an NFL season as a whole I think would get dry after awhile. You need a central team, and you need that central team to do well.
The key is to push the envelope to the edge without going over into ASB territory, which is always hard when you are trying to build up the team. I know 4 titles in 4 years is pushing the envelope, and that was a major topic of debate in TTL as to if it was to much. But like I said, if this TL was about a Browns team that won only one title in twelve years, I just don't think it would work as well unless is was a much shorter TL that only focused on that one season.
Haha, thanks Fearless! And don't be intimidated by doing an NFL TL (after all, you have a name to live up to
). To be honest, I've noticed an increase in NFL TLs recently and, without sounding like I'm all full of myself, I do think I helped show folks that the sports timeline is very doable and can be a lot of fun once it gets rolling. I say go for it!Haha, thanks Fearless! And don't be intimidated by doing an NFL TL (after all, you have a name to live up to
Yes, my baseball ones seemed easy because you didn't hve the draft for as long and it was easier to envision teams forming about the same since there are dozens of rounds and they can just draft the same guys, or mostly the same, and make similar trades when the need arises. Football is much more tied to coach's systems and who the QB is, which means there is the potential for a lot of change, which really intimidated me, too.
I agree that any sports ATL has to be a pretty whacking good wank. Otherwise it is just not going to be as much fun. I also think that what makes this one so good is that you've made a wank but it is not unrealistic. Everything in this ATL could have happened.
I would be interested in seeing a detailed ATL of a single season. Pick a season where a couple of teams that were expected to do well did not do so hot and a couple of teams that were not expected to do well did do very well. Make some realistic tweaks to the draft, free agent signings, and injuries and you've got something.
Heck you could have some real fun with the past couple of years just by changing up which QBs get drafted and when. Have the Colts take RGIII, have the Redskins take Luck, and have Russell Wilson and Nick Foles get taken higher - not in the first round by low to mid-second round which would not be totally out of bounds.
I would be interested in seeing a detailed ATL of a single season. Pick a season where a couple of teams that were expected to do well did not do so hot and a couple of teams that were not expected to do well did do very well. Make some realistic tweaks to the draft, free agent signings, and injuries and you've got something.
Heck you could have some real fun with the past couple of years just by changing up which QBs get drafted and when. Have the Colts take RGIII, have the Redskins take Luck, and have Russell Wilson and Nick Foles get taken higher - not in the first round by low to mid-second round which would not be totally out of bounds.
That would be interesting to say the least. Perhaps a "Save the USFL" TL might be interesting as well. Although I don't really know how to make that work.
Awhile back some of us toyed with a save the USFL thread. I think that is one that could work. I'm old enough to remember the USFL and I can remember being very excited about it because it came in on the heels of the 1982 strike season so a lot of people when a lot of people were pretty peeved at the NFL. IMWO if you can get the USFL to survive through 1987 (only two more years) then you have a chance because there is another NFL strike in 1987.
Keep the USFL in the Spring (moving it to the Fall was STUPID, STUPID, STUPID), try to target cities without NFL teams with exceptions for major metro areas like NYC, Chicago, and LA, and don't go hog wild on expansion. There also needs to be an understanding among the owners that the first few years may be rough but I do think if they had kept it in the spring and manage to hang around through another NFL strike then could have caught their stride.
Well, that was another TLIAD* that I was considering. The main reason was I had the perfect name for it: "Buffalo Wild Wins"
*Basically a mini timeline.
BTW, I see this is your first post. Welcome to AH!
Welcome aboard and you guys went to four Super Bowls. I don't care if you lost, you still went...
Just to be clear that was 21 years ago lol
We havn't made the playoffs in 14 going on 15 seasons
FDW
Banned
The idea that I came up with was to ensure that David Dixon (the founder of USFL, who left after the first season) and Donald Trump (who wasn't there the first season) are part of the league at the same time. I figured that the two could serve as a good counterbalances to one another.
If the USFL had continued on it would have been pretty cool to have them play against the NFL in their own AFL-NFL title game but not to the level of the Super Bowl at first. Maybe the HOF game.
There are six USFL threads on this board, dating back to 2004. The most recent is from earlier this year:
https://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=313859&highlight=USFL
https://www.alternatehistory.com/discussion/showthread.php?t=313859&highlight=USFL
CHAPTER FIFTY: PRELUDE TO SUPER BOWL XLVI
OK folks, I want to start out by letting you guys know that part of this update, the "How I Met Your Mother" segment, is written by Allawesome15 who generously donated this awesome addition to this TL. I never really watched the show, but I really enjoyed his segment there and it fits with this update. So once again, thanks to Allawesome15 for this!
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Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel- “The Ultimate Dawg – Former Browns Linebacker Brian Urlacher reflects on his time in Cleveland”
From August 23, 2013
Portions of a Armen Keteyian interview with Brian Urlacher.
Courtesy of CBS
Armen Keteyian: Brian, there has never been as much build up for a football game as there was for the 2012 Super Bowl in Indianapolis. It absolutely dominated the airwaves unlike any Super Bowl that came before it, and in many ways became the first Super Bowl that successfully captivated the entire country. It didn’t matter what team you rooted for in the regular season, for two weeks everyone in the country was either “Team Tebow” or “Team Brady”. Everyone in the country was either a diehard Browns fan or a diehard Giants fan. Did the players feed off this?
Brian Urlacher (laughing): Well, we usually don’t respond to being the team that people root for. We tended to do best when we played angry. And to be honest, it may have felt to you guys like the country had been split into two camps, but to us it felt like the entire league was against us. Nobody was willing to give us any credit. We made it to the Super Bowl and yet we were regarded as a joke by football insiders. Elway was the most notable, but all of a sudden all of these football greats were coming out and telling everyone that we were a joke. When Joe Montana ripped Tim Tebow on ESPN right after we defeated the Broncos we just started to get angry and pissed off.
Armen Keteyian: Montana didn’t seem to say anything particularly controversial. He said Tom Brady was the better quarterback that season, and to be honest, most people agreed with him. Brady set an NFL record in 2011 with 50 touchdown passes. Tim Tebow had 9.
Brian Urlacher: But if you compared Tim Tebow’s statistics in the playoffs they were comparable. Sure Brady had more passing yards, but Tebow was still exceeding expectations and we felt that the controversy should have ended. But all over the country we had people coming out saying why Tim Tebow was the worst quarterback to ever play in a Super Bowl. Then Steve Young added his two cents worth.
Armen Keteyian: Coach Kingsbury took a lot of heat when he said of the legendary quarterback…
(Keteyian picks up a piece of paper)
… “Steve Young is a sad relic of a long gone era. He cannot come to grips with the simple fact that a new generation of players have taken over this sport. These players have all shown us that the NFL is a dynamic force that is ever changing. The NFL is no longer the sport that Steve Young once played in. Quarterbacks must be faster, stronger, and to be quite frank…smarter. Steve Young would have had no place with today’s Cleveland Browns had he been playing in this generation.”
(Keteyian puts down the paper and looks at Urlacher. He has a smirk on his face)
Armen Keteyian: Brian, you have to admit, bashing John Elway in Denver…calling Steve Young a “sad relic” and implying that he wouldn’t succeed in today’s NFL if he were born twenty years later…these are some pretty controversial things to say in the days leading up to a Super Bowl. And to be honest, a lot of people felt it was an unnecessary distraction.
Brian Urlacher: I don’t see what we should treat Steve Young with kid gloves just because he once was a great quarterback. Steve called Tim Tebow “an embarrassment” and called Coach Kingsbury’s offence “a gimmick.” He then added that what we were doing in Cleveland was “not sustainable.” We won eight straight games and we were going to the Super Bowl! But it was not sustainable?! Now what should Coach Kingsbury do? Ignore it? Say “Well we respectfully disagree.” No! That’s not how the Browns operate and Kingsbury knew that! He was a member of the original Dawg Pound Dynasty and he knew what made us tick! Respect! We demanded it! We fed on it! And if you wouldn’t give it to us, we would take it! He knew that what Steve Young and Joe Montana said…he could use it to help fuel that Dawg Pound attitude. It could feed us in a way that nothing else could have. He knew we needed that swagger going in against Brady and the Giants.
Armen Keteyian: Ripping on John Elway and Steve Young didn’t make you many fans with football traditionalists though.
Brian Urlacher: Well they were already our biggest detractors. They hated Tebow and they hated Kingsbury. They hated the Browns and they wanted us to just get blown out. We knew we weren’t getting the respect we deserved and so did Coach Kingsbury. So he did what Gary Moeller did so effectively back in the day: he gave us a reason to be pissed.
Armen Keteyian: What was being “pissed” so important?
Brian Urlacher: Well, let’s be honest. The Giants were 18-0. The Browns were 10-9. We were the prohibitive underdogs and we pulled off a miraculous run to get to the Super Bowl. Well, in that situation the most dangerous thing is for us to feel OK with what we had accomplished. It would have been easy to pat ourselves on the back and say, “man that was a hell of a run. We really accomplished something by just making it this far.” And all over the country were reminders that we were suppose to be blown out by the Giants. One casino in Las Vegas initially refused to even take bets on the game! The most lucrative gambling day of the year for Las Vegas and they wouldn’t even take bets on the biggest sporting event of the year! Another casino set the initial odds at 40-1, and although neither of those casinos were particularly large ones, and despite the fact that the odds dropped significantly by game day, every news paper still called us the “40-1 underdog” and no newspaper article would fail to mention that at least one casino wouldn’t even take bets on us. What that happens you have one of two choices: you can let it get inside your head and start to ask if you even stand a chance…or you can get pissed and start preparing the giant shit sandwich you plan on shoving down the throats of all of your critics.
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HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
S7 EP01—“THE BEST MAN”
AIRED SEPTEMBER 19, 2011
We see the gang at the reception after Punchy’s wedding in Cleveland. ROBIN is standing next to BARNEY.
OLDER TED (OS): Uncle Barney had other plans.
BARNEY: Get ready, Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard then disappear was Tom Brady.
Cue old Western standoff music.
TED: What was that, Barney?
TED shows up from the reception room bar, clearly pissed. ROBIN, disturbed by what’s happening, looks for an out.
ROBIN: I’ll just get a drink…
BARNEY leers at TED, ready to test him.
BARNEY: Ted, what is my one rule?
TED: I’ve lost count.
BARNEY: Rise to the occasion. But even the most sacred of rules has an exception.
TED: Are you going to apologize or not? ‘Cause I am the best man—
BARNEY pulls TED close, face-to-face.
BARNEY (sinister): You can cry at the toast, Mosby.
Barney lets Ted go, and goes on to his latest rant.
BARNEY: Behold: the Cleveland Corollary! Whenever a celebrity like yours truly—
TED: You’re not a celebrity.
BARNEY (angered): My blog has like a million hits!
TED: I’m leaving.
BARNEY: Ted, Ted, Ted. It’s almost over, I promise. Since you’re from this…let’s say enlightened metropolis, I made this rule especially for you.
TED: Be careful, Barney.
BARNEY: The Cleveland Corollary! Whenever someone famous comes to Cleveland, they instantly become the life of the party. After banging whoever and…whatever chicks they can find among these dogs, what does said celebrity do?
TED: Don’t say it, don’t say it…
BARNEY: He takes the quickest plane back to New York. Ha-ha!
TED (barely containing himself): You son of a bische…
LOCATION: THE BAR IN THE RECEPTION ROOM
ROBIN, LILY, and MARSHALL all have drinks in their hands. ROBIN and LILY are exchanging girl talk, while MARSHALL is observing TED and BARNEY.
ROBIN: Isn’t it weird Barney hasn’t called Nora?
LILY: Not really. He’s Barney.
MARSHALL (concerned): You guys, I think it’s about to go down.
LOCATION: NEAR THE RECEPTION ROOM ENTRANCE
TED and BARNEY are still at it.
BARNEY: And today, New York will steal Cleveland’s hearts again. These poor girls deserve something...giant for once…
TED: That’s it!
TED and BARNEY get in a sissy fight, slapping their hands against each other’s like cowards. MARSHALL gets in-between these savage crybabies.
MARSHALL: Break it up, you two.
TED: He insulted Cleveland.
MARSHALL: No offense Ted, but it kind of easy nowadays.
BARNEY: Yeah!
TED: Who missed a 38-yard kick in the 1999 NFC Championship Game?
MARSHALL instantly changes his tune.
MARSHALL: Barney, just leave Ted alone.
BARNEY (scouting the local girls): Fine, but tonight these ladies will learn why New York is the city that never sleeps.
BARNEY winks; then scampers off.
TED: One day I’m going to kill him.
MARSHALL: In due time. In due time.
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I got to admit, I was just stunned by Brady’s actions the night before the Super Bowl. It might have been the dumbest thing any football player has ever done on the eve of the Super Bowl…well, maybe second to Eugene Robinson. But in many ways, it was a natural, knee jerk reaction. Tom Brady was a competitor, but the “Brady versus Tebow” debate was just getting out of hand. Brady threw fifty touchdowns in 2011 and he’s being asked in every single interview what he thought of Tim Tebow. Not to mention, the hatred he received from Browns fans…I think that really got to him. A lot of Browns players felt that the world was against them leading into the Super Bowl, but to be honest, so did Tom Brady. In his opinion, he wasn’t given credit for being one the best quarterbacks in history. How could he if people were still comparing him to Tim Tebow?! And Wayne Fontes had fooled the entire state of Ohio into thinking he screwed them all when, in his opinion, he was the one who was screwed over by Wayne Fontes. I think the straw that broke the camels back came when Gary Moeller and I both were interviewed on Inside the NFL. I think that sort of pushed Tom over the edge. I picked the Browns to pull off the upset. Of course I was drowned out by those guys, Cris Collinsworth, Phil Simms…they all thought I was back pedaling and trying to cover for the fact that I was the guy who drafted Tim Tebow. Then they turned to Gary and asked him how he thought the Browns would do. To their surprise, he said he thought the Browns would beat the Giants. The uproar on the set was just nuts man! But the crazy thing is, if you listen to what Gary was saying…if you listen to what I was saying…it made sense! The Giants had a shoddy defense in 2011! Sure, they had the greatest offence in NFL history, but look at the defense! Sure Adrian Peterson ran for 1,400 yards, but look at the defense! Sure Tom Brady threw 50 touchdowns in 2011, but look at the defense! We were trying to get that point across, that the Giants had given up 37 points to the Panthers and 33 points to the 49ers in the playoffs, but nobody wanted to listen! It was all about Brady and Tebow! It was all about Gary Moeller turning on his one time protégé Tom Brady, and picking the Browns to beat him! The Browns, despite their record, had the best defense in the NFL bar none! And we knew that they would give the Giants offense problems. We knew it! I remember walking out of the studio and standing in the elevator with Gary and we both joked about it. I told him “you think Tebow and Brady are scheduled to fight for the heavyweight title by the sounds of things! I wonder if anyone else realizes that there is also a football game that is going to come into play tomorrow.” I then remember Gary smiling and saying that Nick Saban needed to get control of the story, that the Giants needed to get ahead of this avalanche that was “Tebow versus Brady” because the Browns had to many weapons to overlook. He said that the last thing Brady needed to do what give the Orange Crush any more reason to want to flatten him. The following night I discovered that the Cleveland Browns were honoring the “Fifty Greatest Browns Players ever.” A local radio station had a poll and let people vote for the “Greatest Brown” of all time. Well, Brady didn’t make the cut. I knew it was done on purpose…bringing out those fifty guys on the field before the game. It was a slap in the face to Brady. A chance to try and get under Tom Brady’s skin. I knew that Nick Saban had to get control of that story before it exploded on him. Hell, Ricky Williams was a bench player on the Giants that year, and he was voted number nine. He could have had Williams refuse to accept this meaningless award by calling the whole thing a sham or something. But he decided to ignore the story, not realizing how much of an impact it apparently had on Tom. He didn’t realize that Brady had been pushed past his breaking point. He was mad as hell, and he wasn’t going to take it any more. But that ultimately played into Wayne’s diabolical plan. On the eve of the Super Bowl Tom Brady made the dumbest decision of his professional career…and gave the Orange Crush all the motivation they needed to step up their game to another level.
Jon Gruden on ESPN Radio (July 11, 2012)
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“Saturday Night Live?! Saturday Night Live?! Aw hell no! It’s on now!” –
Browns linebacker Von Miller
From the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary “The Dawg Pound Dynasty”
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“In the days leading up to the Super Bowl I just couldn’t believe how much the Brady Betrayal had exploded as the topic of conversation. Not just in Cleveland, which had waited three long years for their chance to step on the field with Tom Brady. All over the country the debate became about Tebow and Brady, and both sides began playing into that. In Cleveland, coach Kingsbury, perhaps a bit peeved at years of being regarded as a second tier quarterback and now being regarded as a gimmick oriented coach, started to lash out. When he lashed out against Steve Young, a lot of football fans were justifiably angry. But what he was smart about was not even mentioning Tom Brady or Nick Saban. Whenever some reporter tried to get him to say something about the Giants he was respectful but firm and confident. The Giants were clearly expecting their third straight championship, and much like the Browns had done in Super Bowl XLII, they were looking past their opponent. It was abundantly clear that they were overlooking the Browns. Brady was obviously all over the news in the days leading up to the Super Bowl, every movement, every practice…there was the press. But although Brady tried to avoid the controversial subject of Tim Tebow and his former team at first, he still found a way to fuel the fire. He made some passing reference to Kingsbury when Kliff was his backup quarterback, implying that he didn’t think Kingsbury showed the ability to “lead an NFL team” during his time on the bench. He then reminded thousands of Browns fans why they hated him when he admitted in an interview with the New York Post that if elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio he would go in as a Giant. Hell, even photos of him walking in his neighborhood in Manhattan angered the Cleveland faithful when Brady was seen sporting a Yankees cap. Up to that point I didn’t think much of it though. Brady was just under an incredible microscope in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. And the media…well, the media sometimes is looking to stir up a hornet’s nest, so naturally they would take whatever he said and try and spin it in a way to cause the most trouble. I didn’t think much about it…until the night before the Super Bowl.
What the hell was this guy doing?! Did Nick Saban sign off on this?!? How could he be so arrogant as to do this the day before the Super Bowl?!?
Turning on my television on the night of February 4, 2012, the Saturday night before the Super Bowl…there was Tom Brady on Saturday Night Live mocking Tim Tebow!”
- Andy Moeller, former tight ends coach of the Cleveland Browns in 2008.
From the NFL Films documentary “The Dawg Pound Divorce: Tom Brady and the Cleveland Browns”
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Transcript from Saturday Night Live
February 4, 2012
Guest: Channing Tatum
Featuring:
George Wendt as Bob Swerski
John Goodman as Pat Arnold
Robert Smigel as Carl Wollarski
Vanessa Bayer as Brittni Ann Wilcox
Tom Brady as Ned Fleming
(Courtesy of NBC)
The clip is of the legendary Saturday Night Live skit “Bill Swerski’s Super Fans.” We see the visibly older Bob Sweski and his brother Bill Swerski sitting at their favorite table along side Pat Arnold and Carl Wollarski at Mike Ditka’s Bar in Chicago. Bob has a cigar in his mouth while Carl and Pat are tearing into the wings. Behind them is the familiar banner in Orange and Black that reads “Super Fans on WBCM Radio.” In front of them is a large plate of wings, a rack of BBQ ribs, and each man has a mug of beer in front of them.
(Crowd erupts in cheers at the return of the legendary SNL skit)
Bob Swerski: Tank you. Tank you. Welcome again to Ditka’s Bar for another edition of Bill Swerski’s Super Fans. Right off da bat I wanna tank you all for sending out ‘dos cards to my brudder who had anudder heart attack after the tragedy dat took place here in Chicago during da Bears-49ers playoff game t’ree weeks ago. We are coming to you live here from Ditka’s on the day before da Super Bowl wit’ a new format. For twenty years, Bill Swerski’s Superfans has been broadcast exclusively on WBCM radio here in Chicago, home of…da Bears.
(The other members of the crew raise their mugs and repeat the phrase “Da Bears.”)
Bob Swerski: But as many of you have learned, recently WBCM was bought out by XM Radio, and we all now broadcast all over the state of Illinois. And Indiana…
(Bob Swerski looks miserable and he struggles with what he has to say next).
Bob Swerski: And Ohio.
(The other members of the group look angry at the statement. Pat Arnold throws a chicken wing on his plate in disgust).
Bob Swerski: Sadly, we were told by XM Radio that we need to expand our fan base. To give equal time to some udder team…from da state of Ohio…known as…da Browns.
(The other members all cross their arms angrily across their chest, refusing the repeat the name of this hated team.)
Bob Swerski: Now apparently I was told dis udder team is going to be playing tomorrow in da Super Bowl. So we had to contact da local “Browns Backers" fan club here in Chicago to give dem a chance to tell us a bit about dis udder team dat apparently people in Cleveland tink is OK. So without further adieu, I would like to introduce Ned Fleming and Brittni Ann Wilcox, president and vice president of the local "Browns Backers" Fan Club…
(We see Ned and Brittni come out and take seats at the table next to Pat and Carl respectively. Ned is wearing an Orange sweater with a Browns logo and he has underneath a brown turtleneck. He also is holding a clipboard and appears to be the stereotypical nerd. Brittni is a blond girl with a mini skirt who looks to be the stereotypical “airhead.” Both look grossly out of place next to the Superfans.)
Bob Swerski: Welcome to da show Ned. Welcome to da show Brittni. Now I got to ask you both, how do two people, living in da shadow of da greatest football team of all time, become fans of dat udder team dat we are contractually obligated not to insult right now?
Ned Fleming: Well thank you Bob! And I won’t lie; I have only been a football fan for three months, but boy of boy, what a wonderful three months it’s been!
(Pat Arnold begins to choke on his chicken wing as Carl pats him on the back)
Pat Arnold: You are president of the fan club and you only been watching football for three months?!
Ned Flemming: Yes sir. You see, once I saw Tim Tebow throwing that football I just knew that I had to be a fan of his. You see, Tim Tebow represents America. He represents all that is good in this country…like puppies and picnics and the pledge of allegiance. Sometimes I wonder if his coming to us all was…shall we say…by design.
Pat Arnold: Tim Tebow was not sent to earth by God almighty to make you a damn football fan for three months!
Ned Flemming: Oh really? Well you obviously didn’t see Tim Tebow when he played the Denver Broncos two weeks ago…or when Tim Tebow led us to victory against the Pittsburgh Sealers last month.
Pat Arnold: Pittsburgh Sealers?!?! I…I…
(Pat Arnold begins hitting his chest)
Carl Wollarski: Oh man, Pat’s having anudder heart attack.
Bob Swerski: Uh Ned. Why do you tink the Browns will win tomorrow against da Giants.
Ned Fleming: Well, you see when Tim Tebow is on the field-
Bob Swerski: How about you tell us why you tink the Browns will win without mentioning Tim Tebow?
Ned Fleming (looking confused): Well, when Mos-
Bob Swerski: And without quoting Scripture.
Ned Fleming (looks totally befuddled and says nothing)
Bob Swerski: Ok den, Brittni, let’s hear from you. Why are you a Browns fan?
Brittni Ann Watson: Oh…my…God. Did you ever see anyone as hot as Kliff Kingsbury?! He is just a dream.
Bob Swerski: Ok, dis is going to be a waste of time, but Brittni, why do you tink the Browns will win tomorrow?
Brittni Ann Watson: The Browns are playing tomorrow?
Carl Wollarksi: So the only reason you follow the Browns is because you have a crush on their coach?
Brittni Ann Watson: Oh…my…God. He is such a dream! He is like, the hottest football coach ever!
Carl Wollarski: Well, I won’t lie, he is a handsome man, but it takes more than good looks to win a football game. It takes a man like, oh, say Mike Ditka over here…
(Carl points to a large photo of Mike Ditka that is hanging on the wall behind them)
Carl Wollarski: I would like to add dat Mike Ditka does have a Super Bowl ring, which he won with…da Bears!
(the other men lift up their mugs and repeat the phrase “da Bears”)
Brittini Ann Watson: That guy?! He is like, totally gross.
(Pat Arnold looks furious. He jumps out of his chair and faces Brittni)
Pat Arnold: Mike Ditka is not gross!!! He is a beautiful, beautiful man! Mike Ditka is the most beautiful man who ever walked on this cruel and horrible planet! He is like a beautiful flower blooming in a desert of pain and misery!!!
(Pat Arnold breaks down in tears. Carl and Bob begin to try and comfort Pat, with Carl rubbing Pat’s back while Bob stands up and puts his hand on Pat’s shoulder)
Carl Wollarski: It’s OK Pat. Let it out. Let it out. The bad woman will be gone soon.
Pat Arnold (crying): I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
Bob Swerski: OK, well I guess that wraps it up for another edition of Bill Swerski’s Superfans. And this is a sad day for da Superfans indeed. Not because of da fact that a certain team, from a certain city named Chicago, will not be playing in da Super Bowl tomorrow-
Brittni Ann Watson: Why is is more points to run across the field than to kick the ball through the giant “H”? Kicking is way harder than running!
Ned Fleming: Oh I know! Because then Tim Tebow wouldn’t get as many points!
(Bob Swerski looks disgusted)
Bob Swerski: This is a sad day indeed because for the first time in my life…I have to stand behind another team besides my beloved Bears. Now as I mentioned, we are now syndicated all across the State of Ohio tanks to our new overlords at XM Radio. So with dat in mind, I say here to you, my loyal listeners…
(Ned Fleming now jumps next to Bill Swerski. Clearly Tom Brady is now breaking character.)
Bill Swerski and Tom Brady (both yelling): Let’s go Giants!!! And live from New York it's Saturday Night!!
(Crowd erupts in cheers).
CHAPTER FIFTY: PRELUDE TO SUPER BOWL XLVI
OK folks, I want to start out by letting you guys know that part of this update, the "How I Met Your Mother" segment, is written by Allawesome15 who generously donated this awesome addition to this TL. I never really watched the show, but I really enjoyed his segment there and it fits with this update. So once again, thanks to Allawesome15 for this!
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Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel- “The Ultimate Dawg – Former Browns Linebacker Brian Urlacher reflects on his time in Cleveland”
From August 23, 2013
Portions of a Armen Keteyian interview with Brian Urlacher.
Courtesy of CBS
Armen Keteyian: Brian, there has never been as much build up for a football game as there was for the 2012 Super Bowl in Indianapolis. It absolutely dominated the airwaves unlike any Super Bowl that came before it, and in many ways became the first Super Bowl that successfully captivated the entire country. It didn’t matter what team you rooted for in the regular season, for two weeks everyone in the country was either “Team Tebow” or “Team Brady”. Everyone in the country was either a diehard Browns fan or a diehard Giants fan. Did the players feed off this?
Brian Urlacher (laughing): Well, we usually don’t respond to being the team that people root for. We tended to do best when we played angry. And to be honest, it may have felt to you guys like the country had been split into two camps, but to us it felt like the entire league was against us. Nobody was willing to give us any credit. We made it to the Super Bowl and yet we were regarded as a joke by football insiders. Elway was the most notable, but all of a sudden all of these football greats were coming out and telling everyone that we were a joke. When Joe Montana ripped Tim Tebow on ESPN right after we defeated the Broncos we just started to get angry and pissed off.
Armen Keteyian: Montana didn’t seem to say anything particularly controversial. He said Tom Brady was the better quarterback that season, and to be honest, most people agreed with him. Brady set an NFL record in 2011 with 50 touchdown passes. Tim Tebow had 9.
Brian Urlacher: But if you compared Tim Tebow’s statistics in the playoffs they were comparable. Sure Brady had more passing yards, but Tebow was still exceeding expectations and we felt that the controversy should have ended. But all over the country we had people coming out saying why Tim Tebow was the worst quarterback to ever play in a Super Bowl. Then Steve Young added his two cents worth.
Armen Keteyian: Coach Kingsbury took a lot of heat when he said of the legendary quarterback…
(Keteyian picks up a piece of paper)
… “Steve Young is a sad relic of a long gone era. He cannot come to grips with the simple fact that a new generation of players have taken over this sport. These players have all shown us that the NFL is a dynamic force that is ever changing. The NFL is no longer the sport that Steve Young once played in. Quarterbacks must be faster, stronger, and to be quite frank…smarter. Steve Young would have had no place with today’s Cleveland Browns had he been playing in this generation.”
(Keteyian puts down the paper and looks at Urlacher. He has a smirk on his face)
Armen Keteyian: Brian, you have to admit, bashing John Elway in Denver…calling Steve Young a “sad relic” and implying that he wouldn’t succeed in today’s NFL if he were born twenty years later…these are some pretty controversial things to say in the days leading up to a Super Bowl. And to be honest, a lot of people felt it was an unnecessary distraction.
Brian Urlacher: I don’t see what we should treat Steve Young with kid gloves just because he once was a great quarterback. Steve called Tim Tebow “an embarrassment” and called Coach Kingsbury’s offence “a gimmick.” He then added that what we were doing in Cleveland was “not sustainable.” We won eight straight games and we were going to the Super Bowl! But it was not sustainable?! Now what should Coach Kingsbury do? Ignore it? Say “Well we respectfully disagree.” No! That’s not how the Browns operate and Kingsbury knew that! He was a member of the original Dawg Pound Dynasty and he knew what made us tick! Respect! We demanded it! We fed on it! And if you wouldn’t give it to us, we would take it! He knew that what Steve Young and Joe Montana said…he could use it to help fuel that Dawg Pound attitude. It could feed us in a way that nothing else could have. He knew we needed that swagger going in against Brady and the Giants.
Armen Keteyian: Ripping on John Elway and Steve Young didn’t make you many fans with football traditionalists though.
Brian Urlacher: Well they were already our biggest detractors. They hated Tebow and they hated Kingsbury. They hated the Browns and they wanted us to just get blown out. We knew we weren’t getting the respect we deserved and so did Coach Kingsbury. So he did what Gary Moeller did so effectively back in the day: he gave us a reason to be pissed.
Armen Keteyian: What was being “pissed” so important?
Brian Urlacher: Well, let’s be honest. The Giants were 18-0. The Browns were 10-9. We were the prohibitive underdogs and we pulled off a miraculous run to get to the Super Bowl. Well, in that situation the most dangerous thing is for us to feel OK with what we had accomplished. It would have been easy to pat ourselves on the back and say, “man that was a hell of a run. We really accomplished something by just making it this far.” And all over the country were reminders that we were suppose to be blown out by the Giants. One casino in Las Vegas initially refused to even take bets on the game! The most lucrative gambling day of the year for Las Vegas and they wouldn’t even take bets on the biggest sporting event of the year! Another casino set the initial odds at 40-1, and although neither of those casinos were particularly large ones, and despite the fact that the odds dropped significantly by game day, every news paper still called us the “40-1 underdog” and no newspaper article would fail to mention that at least one casino wouldn’t even take bets on us. What that happens you have one of two choices: you can let it get inside your head and start to ask if you even stand a chance…or you can get pissed and start preparing the giant shit sandwich you plan on shoving down the throats of all of your critics.
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HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
S7 EP01—“THE BEST MAN”
AIRED SEPTEMBER 19, 2011
We see the gang at the reception after Punchy’s wedding in Cleveland. ROBIN is standing next to BARNEY.
OLDER TED (OS): Uncle Barney had other plans.
BARNEY: Get ready, Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard then disappear was Tom Brady.
Cue old Western standoff music.
TED: What was that, Barney?
TED shows up from the reception room bar, clearly pissed. ROBIN, disturbed by what’s happening, looks for an out.
ROBIN: I’ll just get a drink…
BARNEY leers at TED, ready to test him.
BARNEY: Ted, what is my one rule?
TED: I’ve lost count.
BARNEY: Rise to the occasion. But even the most sacred of rules has an exception.
TED: Are you going to apologize or not? ‘Cause I am the best man—
BARNEY pulls TED close, face-to-face.
BARNEY (sinister): You can cry at the toast, Mosby.
Barney lets Ted go, and goes on to his latest rant.
BARNEY: Behold: the Cleveland Corollary! Whenever a celebrity like yours truly—
TED: You’re not a celebrity.
BARNEY (angered): My blog has like a million hits!
TED: I’m leaving.
BARNEY: Ted, Ted, Ted. It’s almost over, I promise. Since you’re from this…let’s say enlightened metropolis, I made this rule especially for you.
TED: Be careful, Barney.
BARNEY: The Cleveland Corollary! Whenever someone famous comes to Cleveland, they instantly become the life of the party. After banging whoever and…whatever chicks they can find among these dogs, what does said celebrity do?
TED: Don’t say it, don’t say it…
BARNEY: He takes the quickest plane back to New York. Ha-ha!
TED (barely containing himself): You son of a bische…
LOCATION: THE BAR IN THE RECEPTION ROOM
ROBIN, LILY, and MARSHALL all have drinks in their hands. ROBIN and LILY are exchanging girl talk, while MARSHALL is observing TED and BARNEY.
ROBIN: Isn’t it weird Barney hasn’t called Nora?
LILY: Not really. He’s Barney.
MARSHALL (concerned): You guys, I think it’s about to go down.
LOCATION: NEAR THE RECEPTION ROOM ENTRANCE
TED and BARNEY are still at it.
BARNEY: And today, New York will steal Cleveland’s hearts again. These poor girls deserve something...giant for once…
TED: That’s it!
TED and BARNEY get in a sissy fight, slapping their hands against each other’s like cowards. MARSHALL gets in-between these savage crybabies.
MARSHALL: Break it up, you two.
TED: He insulted Cleveland.
MARSHALL: No offense Ted, but it kind of easy nowadays.
BARNEY: Yeah!
TED: Who missed a 38-yard kick in the 1999 NFC Championship Game?
MARSHALL instantly changes his tune.
MARSHALL: Barney, just leave Ted alone.
BARNEY (scouting the local girls): Fine, but tonight these ladies will learn why New York is the city that never sleeps.
BARNEY winks; then scampers off.
TED: One day I’m going to kill him.
MARSHALL: In due time. In due time.
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I got to admit, I was just stunned by Brady’s actions the night before the Super Bowl. It might have been the dumbest thing any football player has ever done on the eve of the Super Bowl…well, maybe second to Eugene Robinson. But in many ways, it was a natural, knee jerk reaction. Tom Brady was a competitor, but the “Brady versus Tebow” debate was just getting out of hand. Brady threw fifty touchdowns in 2011 and he’s being asked in every single interview what he thought of Tim Tebow. Not to mention, the hatred he received from Browns fans…I think that really got to him. A lot of Browns players felt that the world was against them leading into the Super Bowl, but to be honest, so did Tom Brady. In his opinion, he wasn’t given credit for being one the best quarterbacks in history. How could he if people were still comparing him to Tim Tebow?! And Wayne Fontes had fooled the entire state of Ohio into thinking he screwed them all when, in his opinion, he was the one who was screwed over by Wayne Fontes. I think the straw that broke the camels back came when Gary Moeller and I both were interviewed on Inside the NFL. I think that sort of pushed Tom over the edge. I picked the Browns to pull off the upset. Of course I was drowned out by those guys, Cris Collinsworth, Phil Simms…they all thought I was back pedaling and trying to cover for the fact that I was the guy who drafted Tim Tebow. Then they turned to Gary and asked him how he thought the Browns would do. To their surprise, he said he thought the Browns would beat the Giants. The uproar on the set was just nuts man! But the crazy thing is, if you listen to what Gary was saying…if you listen to what I was saying…it made sense! The Giants had a shoddy defense in 2011! Sure, they had the greatest offence in NFL history, but look at the defense! Sure Adrian Peterson ran for 1,400 yards, but look at the defense! Sure Tom Brady threw 50 touchdowns in 2011, but look at the defense! We were trying to get that point across, that the Giants had given up 37 points to the Panthers and 33 points to the 49ers in the playoffs, but nobody wanted to listen! It was all about Brady and Tebow! It was all about Gary Moeller turning on his one time protégé Tom Brady, and picking the Browns to beat him! The Browns, despite their record, had the best defense in the NFL bar none! And we knew that they would give the Giants offense problems. We knew it! I remember walking out of the studio and standing in the elevator with Gary and we both joked about it. I told him “you think Tebow and Brady are scheduled to fight for the heavyweight title by the sounds of things! I wonder if anyone else realizes that there is also a football game that is going to come into play tomorrow.” I then remember Gary smiling and saying that Nick Saban needed to get control of the story, that the Giants needed to get ahead of this avalanche that was “Tebow versus Brady” because the Browns had to many weapons to overlook. He said that the last thing Brady needed to do what give the Orange Crush any more reason to want to flatten him. The following night I discovered that the Cleveland Browns were honoring the “Fifty Greatest Browns Players ever.” A local radio station had a poll and let people vote for the “Greatest Brown” of all time. Well, Brady didn’t make the cut. I knew it was done on purpose…bringing out those fifty guys on the field before the game. It was a slap in the face to Brady. A chance to try and get under Tom Brady’s skin. I knew that Nick Saban had to get control of that story before it exploded on him. Hell, Ricky Williams was a bench player on the Giants that year, and he was voted number nine. He could have had Williams refuse to accept this meaningless award by calling the whole thing a sham or something. But he decided to ignore the story, not realizing how much of an impact it apparently had on Tom. He didn’t realize that Brady had been pushed past his breaking point. He was mad as hell, and he wasn’t going to take it any more. But that ultimately played into Wayne’s diabolical plan. On the eve of the Super Bowl Tom Brady made the dumbest decision of his professional career…and gave the Orange Crush all the motivation they needed to step up their game to another level.
Jon Gruden on ESPN Radio (July 11, 2012)
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“Saturday Night Live?! Saturday Night Live?! Aw hell no! It’s on now!” –
Browns linebacker Von Miller
From the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary “The Dawg Pound Dynasty”
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“In the days leading up to the Super Bowl I just couldn’t believe how much the Brady Betrayal had exploded as the topic of conversation. Not just in Cleveland, which had waited three long years for their chance to step on the field with Tom Brady. All over the country the debate became about Tebow and Brady, and both sides began playing into that. In Cleveland, coach Kingsbury, perhaps a bit peeved at years of being regarded as a second tier quarterback and now being regarded as a gimmick oriented coach, started to lash out. When he lashed out against Steve Young, a lot of football fans were justifiably angry. But what he was smart about was not even mentioning Tom Brady or Nick Saban. Whenever some reporter tried to get him to say something about the Giants he was respectful but firm and confident. The Giants were clearly expecting their third straight championship, and much like the Browns had done in Super Bowl XLII, they were looking past their opponent. It was abundantly clear that they were overlooking the Browns. Brady was obviously all over the news in the days leading up to the Super Bowl, every movement, every practice…there was the press. But although Brady tried to avoid the controversial subject of Tim Tebow and his former team at first, he still found a way to fuel the fire. He made some passing reference to Kingsbury when Kliff was his backup quarterback, implying that he didn’t think Kingsbury showed the ability to “lead an NFL team” during his time on the bench. He then reminded thousands of Browns fans why they hated him when he admitted in an interview with the New York Post that if elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio he would go in as a Giant. Hell, even photos of him walking in his neighborhood in Manhattan angered the Cleveland faithful when Brady was seen sporting a Yankees cap. Up to that point I didn’t think much of it though. Brady was just under an incredible microscope in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. And the media…well, the media sometimes is looking to stir up a hornet’s nest, so naturally they would take whatever he said and try and spin it in a way to cause the most trouble. I didn’t think much about it…until the night before the Super Bowl.
What the hell was this guy doing?! Did Nick Saban sign off on this?!? How could he be so arrogant as to do this the day before the Super Bowl?!?
Turning on my television on the night of February 4, 2012, the Saturday night before the Super Bowl…there was Tom Brady on Saturday Night Live mocking Tim Tebow!”
- Andy Moeller, former tight ends coach of the Cleveland Browns in 2008.
From the NFL Films documentary “The Dawg Pound Divorce: Tom Brady and the Cleveland Browns”
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Transcript from Saturday Night Live
February 4, 2012
Guest: Channing Tatum
Featuring:
George Wendt as Bob Swerski
John Goodman as Pat Arnold
Robert Smigel as Carl Wollarski
Vanessa Bayer as Brittni Ann Wilcox
Tom Brady as Ned Fleming
(Courtesy of NBC)
The clip is of the legendary Saturday Night Live skit “Bill Swerski’s Super Fans.” We see the visibly older Bob Sweski and his brother Bill Swerski sitting at their favorite table along side Pat Arnold and Carl Wollarski at Mike Ditka’s Bar in Chicago. Bob has a cigar in his mouth while Carl and Pat are tearing into the wings. Behind them is the familiar banner in Orange and Black that reads “Super Fans on WBCM Radio.” In front of them is a large plate of wings, a rack of BBQ ribs, and each man has a mug of beer in front of them.
(Crowd erupts in cheers at the return of the legendary SNL skit)
Bob Swerski: Tank you. Tank you. Welcome again to Ditka’s Bar for another edition of Bill Swerski’s Super Fans. Right off da bat I wanna tank you all for sending out ‘dos cards to my brudder who had anudder heart attack after the tragedy dat took place here in Chicago during da Bears-49ers playoff game t’ree weeks ago. We are coming to you live here from Ditka’s on the day before da Super Bowl wit’ a new format. For twenty years, Bill Swerski’s Superfans has been broadcast exclusively on WBCM radio here in Chicago, home of…da Bears.
(The other members of the crew raise their mugs and repeat the phrase “Da Bears.”)
Bob Swerski: But as many of you have learned, recently WBCM was bought out by XM Radio, and we all now broadcast all over the state of Illinois. And Indiana…
(Bob Swerski looks miserable and he struggles with what he has to say next).
Bob Swerski: And Ohio.
(The other members of the group look angry at the statement. Pat Arnold throws a chicken wing on his plate in disgust).
Bob Swerski: Sadly, we were told by XM Radio that we need to expand our fan base. To give equal time to some udder team…from da state of Ohio…known as…da Browns.
(The other members all cross their arms angrily across their chest, refusing the repeat the name of this hated team.)
Bob Swerski: Now apparently I was told dis udder team is going to be playing tomorrow in da Super Bowl. So we had to contact da local “Browns Backers" fan club here in Chicago to give dem a chance to tell us a bit about dis udder team dat apparently people in Cleveland tink is OK. So without further adieu, I would like to introduce Ned Fleming and Brittni Ann Wilcox, president and vice president of the local "Browns Backers" Fan Club…
(We see Ned and Brittni come out and take seats at the table next to Pat and Carl respectively. Ned is wearing an Orange sweater with a Browns logo and he has underneath a brown turtleneck. He also is holding a clipboard and appears to be the stereotypical nerd. Brittni is a blond girl with a mini skirt who looks to be the stereotypical “airhead.” Both look grossly out of place next to the Superfans.)
Bob Swerski: Welcome to da show Ned. Welcome to da show Brittni. Now I got to ask you both, how do two people, living in da shadow of da greatest football team of all time, become fans of dat udder team dat we are contractually obligated not to insult right now?
Ned Fleming: Well thank you Bob! And I won’t lie; I have only been a football fan for three months, but boy of boy, what a wonderful three months it’s been!
(Pat Arnold begins to choke on his chicken wing as Carl pats him on the back)
Pat Arnold: You are president of the fan club and you only been watching football for three months?!
Ned Flemming: Yes sir. You see, once I saw Tim Tebow throwing that football I just knew that I had to be a fan of his. You see, Tim Tebow represents America. He represents all that is good in this country…like puppies and picnics and the pledge of allegiance. Sometimes I wonder if his coming to us all was…shall we say…by design.
Pat Arnold: Tim Tebow was not sent to earth by God almighty to make you a damn football fan for three months!
Ned Flemming: Oh really? Well you obviously didn’t see Tim Tebow when he played the Denver Broncos two weeks ago…or when Tim Tebow led us to victory against the Pittsburgh Sealers last month.
Pat Arnold: Pittsburgh Sealers?!?! I…I…
(Pat Arnold begins hitting his chest)
Carl Wollarski: Oh man, Pat’s having anudder heart attack.
Bob Swerski: Uh Ned. Why do you tink the Browns will win tomorrow against da Giants.
Ned Fleming: Well, you see when Tim Tebow is on the field-
Bob Swerski: How about you tell us why you tink the Browns will win without mentioning Tim Tebow?
Ned Fleming (looking confused): Well, when Mos-
Bob Swerski: And without quoting Scripture.
Ned Fleming (looks totally befuddled and says nothing)
Bob Swerski: Ok den, Brittni, let’s hear from you. Why are you a Browns fan?
Brittni Ann Watson: Oh…my…God. Did you ever see anyone as hot as Kliff Kingsbury?! He is just a dream.
Bob Swerski: Ok, dis is going to be a waste of time, but Brittni, why do you tink the Browns will win tomorrow?
Brittni Ann Watson: The Browns are playing tomorrow?
Carl Wollarksi: So the only reason you follow the Browns is because you have a crush on their coach?
Brittni Ann Watson: Oh…my…God. He is such a dream! He is like, the hottest football coach ever!
Carl Wollarski: Well, I won’t lie, he is a handsome man, but it takes more than good looks to win a football game. It takes a man like, oh, say Mike Ditka over here…
(Carl points to a large photo of Mike Ditka that is hanging on the wall behind them)
Carl Wollarski: I would like to add dat Mike Ditka does have a Super Bowl ring, which he won with…da Bears!
(the other men lift up their mugs and repeat the phrase “da Bears”)
Brittini Ann Watson: That guy?! He is like, totally gross.
(Pat Arnold looks furious. He jumps out of his chair and faces Brittni)
Pat Arnold: Mike Ditka is not gross!!! He is a beautiful, beautiful man! Mike Ditka is the most beautiful man who ever walked on this cruel and horrible planet! He is like a beautiful flower blooming in a desert of pain and misery!!!
(Pat Arnold breaks down in tears. Carl and Bob begin to try and comfort Pat, with Carl rubbing Pat’s back while Bob stands up and puts his hand on Pat’s shoulder)
Carl Wollarski: It’s OK Pat. Let it out. Let it out. The bad woman will be gone soon.
Pat Arnold (crying): I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
Bob Swerski: OK, well I guess that wraps it up for another edition of Bill Swerski’s Superfans. And this is a sad day for da Superfans indeed. Not because of da fact that a certain team, from a certain city named Chicago, will not be playing in da Super Bowl tomorrow-
Brittni Ann Watson: Why is is more points to run across the field than to kick the ball through the giant “H”? Kicking is way harder than running!
Ned Fleming: Oh I know! Because then Tim Tebow wouldn’t get as many points!
(Bob Swerski looks disgusted)
Bob Swerski: This is a sad day indeed because for the first time in my life…I have to stand behind another team besides my beloved Bears. Now as I mentioned, we are now syndicated all across the State of Ohio tanks to our new overlords at XM Radio. So with dat in mind, I say here to you, my loyal listeners…
(Ned Fleming now jumps next to Bill Swerski. Clearly Tom Brady is now breaking character.)
Bill Swerski and Tom Brady (both yelling): Let’s go Giants!!! And live from New York it's Saturday Night!!
(Crowd erupts in cheers).
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Admiral Halsey
Banned
Ok a pissed of Tom Brady is the LAST THING the Browns want to face. The guy has the chip on his shoulder, is a Top 10 if not top 5 all-time QB and plays his best when angry. Yeah that's a damn fine plan Kingsbury.
Very true, but the Giants are clearly a deal threat with Peterson and Brady, and a Brady with a chip on his sholder can, shall we say, underutilize that secondary threat.
And as we will see in the next update, it actually was Wayne Fontes who was behind the "50 greatest"...
Deleted member 16736
I've been following silently along with this . . . wonderful . . . timeline from the beginning. For all the pain of watching the Browns succeed, it was all worth it for this segment. You have written what might be the funniest thing I have ever read on this forum!
2,000 yard AP with a 50 TD Brady. I'm sorry but there's no way. They can't run enough plays to get both of them to that benchmark.