The Ecuadorian Ambassador was sweating profusely. But really, could you blame him? He was entering the White House. Bad things happened when the White House noticed small Latin American countries. Almost as bad as when the American embassy was displeased.
The Ambassador represented the government that had replaced a Junta that had overthrown a President who was just a little too friendly with Castro’s Cuba. Said ex-President was now the front-runner in the election. Which probably meant another coup sooner rather than later.
The Americans were also having an election this year, but El Presidente Johnson was not running. He had been, but wasn’t anymore, which he probably wasn’t happy about. The Ambassador had only met Johnson once when he had been credentialed. He had been friendly enough, but everyone knew he could be a very intimidating man.
The Ambassador had very much wanted to avoid this. He hadn’t even been involved initially. The scientists had asked the government, and the government had asked the American embassy. The Embassy had told them to talk with the State Department and The Ambassador had gone to Foggy Bottom. But he had been told that this was a matter for the President, not the State Department.
And so The Ambassador sat nervously in some waiting room or another, nervously tapping his fingers on a briefcase. He tried to calm himself, what was the worst that could happen? Well, the worst that could happen was a coup, but he could also get himself fired.
A staffer approached him.
“The President will see you now,” He said.
And then he was led into the Oval Office. Perhaps the most powerful office in the world. He inhaled sharply.
President Johnson leaned forward on his desk. One hand was pressed against his cheek. He was frowning and he looked rather haggard. It had been a long year for him. And from what The Ambassador had seen on the news, it had been a long week in Vietnam as well.
“Mr. President, the Ambassador from Ecuador,” The staffer said, indicating to both men.
“Take a seat,” Johnson said. “Have we met before?”
“Once Sir,” The Ambassador replied. “When I presented my credentials.”
“Ah,” Johnson said. “Well, what can I do for you? My planner tells me you’re here on a matter for the Executive Residence, not the State Department.”
“Yes.”
“Seems a touch odd to me,” Johnson said. “Not sure what the Government of Ecuador has to do with my food and staff.”
“It was recommended by the State Department,” The Ambassador replied nervously.
“Oh really?” Johnson said, swinging his legs onto the desk and looking The Ambassador over.
“Yes,” The Ambassador said. “This is a matter in which the Government of Ecuador has an interest, but the State Department has no binding authority.”
“Really?” Johnson gave a skeptical look.
“The Government of Ecuador has recently begun a push to provide better protection to our nation’s natural beauty,” The Ambassador explained. “Protecting our creatures and plants, so that we do not lose any more species. We, of course, still welcome development in our country especially from a valued partner like the United States. One area of particular interest is the Galapagos Islands."
"The ones with the Darwin's Finches and the Tortoises, right?" Johnson asked.
"Exactly sir," The Ambassador said with a nod. "The Tortoise population has been decimated by rats and goats. Recently the Charles Darwin Society has established a research station and aims to help protect the species."
"Say…" Johnson said with a glint in his eye. "Isn't Sailor Bill one of those Galapagos Tortoises?"
"Yes," The Ambassador said. "We understand of course that he will not be removed. But we would like to bring some people in to study and identify what type of Tortoise he is. Going forward we may attempt to bring others to Washington as part as a captive breeding program…"
Lyndon Johnson burst out laughing.
"Breeding program?" He chuckled.
The Ambassador froze.
"Whittington!" The President hollered. "Find where Sailor Bill is and get him in here! We're gonna get him laid!"
Shortly after, Sailor Bill ambled into in the Oval Office. It was a somewhat awkward fit, getting him through the door, but he managed.
"BILL!" Johnson shouted enthusiastically. "This man here wants you to be part of a breeding program. All the lady Tortoises you need."
Sailor Bill wandered over towards a chair and brushed against it.
"See Ambassador?" Johnson asked. "A regular old stud, let me tell you that."
"So you agree to the proposal?"
"Hell yes," Johnson said. "Funniest thing I've heard all week. Have your scientists talk with my people and the people at the National Zoo and work out the details."
"I will," The Ambassador said, pleasently surprised at how well this had gone.
Johnson stood up from his desk, still chuckling to himself. He walked around and then gave a hard slap on the back to The Ambassador, who winced on surprise.
"Ya know it occurs to me," Johnson said conversationally. "He was pretty young when he got here, wasn't he? And he hasn't had any ladies to have fun with. He's still virgin!"
Johnson howled at that and then gave Sailor Bill a light tap on the shell.
"Hear that Bill?" He asked. "We're gonna make you a man!"
The Ambassador gave a nervous chuckle.
"I needed this," Johnson said. "Heh, Sailor Bill being a daddy! After the past few months I've had? This is just what I needed."
Well, The Ambassador thought, that hadn't gone as expected. But he had succeeded in his mission. And there hadn't even been a coup.