How the Brigadier Won the War
(Not by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)
It was the old Brigadier who was talking in the café.
Last week, my friends, the Czar came here on his annual state visit, and I was privileged to be commanding the escort. You understand, retired as I am, that I am not summoned to such duties often, and yet when an officer is given orders, he must go. I admit, given my reputation, that I am often used as an object of intimidation, but such is the price one pays for being of such small fame as I have. It was a long and wearying performance, as such duties are, and I am still thirsty --- sir, you are a gentleman of great charity!
You must know, then, that the Hussars of Conflans had suffered direly in the Russian campaign, as all the cavalry had then. I was forced to take the field with a unit of half-strength, mostly boys, riding bad horses. They took tender nursing to keep in order and fit for combat, and I struggled desperately to maintain the honor of the regiment.
They had not done badly in the great battle of Dresden, where three officers won the cross of honor, and some twenty of the boys were likewise rewarded for gallantry. Thus it was that we were placed in the outskirts of the army, tasked with reconnaissance.
This is a more difficult task than merely charging down on a foe, understand. In such an assignment, the firey champion will fail of his duty, for he will attack when his orders require him to watch and report. This requires much of a cavalryman, and yet it is one of his finest tasks.
Thus it was that I was with the lead squadron, under Captain Sabbatier, as he was then. We were in a copse when, much to our amazement, we observed a patrol of cavalry, perhaps half our size, with many officers. This much bewildered us, and I made up my mind on the spot. "We will attack and take them prisoner," I said, "for they are doing the same task we are doing, and if we capture them it will disadvantage the enemy. Gather the men and prepare to charge. You will take half the squadron and encircle them, and I will lead the men down on them."
We made our preparations in as much silence as a small squadron of cavalry can manage. All the while the troop of enemy cavalry drew closer, and I became bewildered at their temerity. When the messenger arrived from Sabbatier with his notice of being ready, I immediately gave the order, and we burst from the woods riding in fury.
My faith! Those boys had become veterans, in the way that the old veterans of the Revolution had become that way from the boys they were when the levee-en-masse had summoned them up. They rode desperately, and if their order was not quite what their predecessors had been, it was good enough. We engulfed the enemy and fought desperately.
Finally I struck down the last armed man, and then I cried, "Your Majesty, you must surrender!"
For I had beheld the Czar Alexander at Tilsit, when he had treacherously made peace with the Emperor, and if he did not know the name of Etienne Gerard then, he had learned it. Faced with the fierce soldier that I was then, he yielded.
Then, much to my amazement, one of the troopers, Brun from Alsace, came to me with a prisoner in his train. "Colonel, sir, I have taken the King Friedrich-Wilhelm!"
Now he was a weak sort, which I remembered well, He had been a hangdog bystander at Tilsit, while great chunks were sliced off his country, and now that he was in our hands he was no better.
I looked at our two prisoners, noted the aides and adjutants who had accompanied them, and said, "Monsieurs, you are now guests of the Emperor, and he is waiting to receive you!"
My faith! It was hard to bring those men along! They were all well-mounted and I had pondered making them give up their horses to my boys, but it is hard enough to ride a new mount in the stables. With much urging and many threats of carbines and sabres, we persuaded them all the same.
The Emperor's headquarters was abustle. He had drawn in his armies to face the armies of the Coalition. There were Murat and Ney, Macdonald and Victor, Poniatowski the Pole, Oudinot and Mortier with the Guard, and Berthier to plan it all out. The troops of the Chasseurs a Cheval, the old Guides from the Italian days, were forming the headquarters guard, and they let us pass once they recognized my face.
Indeed, such was my zeal that I rode up to the Emperor's tent. The boys made our two lead prisoners dismount, and I stepped forward into the tent. "A message for the Emperor!" I cried, and pushed my way forward.
He was leaning over a map, with Berthier marking positions and his face drawn with concern. Small wonder, for we were outnumbered by three to two, and with our backs to the river. Even his genius might have been sorely tried.
I cried, "Your Majesty!"
He whirled and shouted, "Silence! You fool, there are important plans to make!"
"They will have to be changed, your Majesty, for I have captured the Czar and the King of Prussia!"
Every man in that tent was struck dumb. The Emperor pushed past me and went to the opening. I turned and saw him staring at the two monarchs. After a long silence, he said, "Have our . . . guests . . . conducted to safety. I will have to talk to them later."
Then he turned and said, "I had meant to relieve you of your command for your insolence."
"I am at your Majesty's disposal."
"And I will. You no longer command the Hussars of Conflans."
That seemed a cruel reward for my achievement. I drew myself up, trembling at the ingratitude of those in power, even the Emperor.
"You will report to General of Brigade Lyon, where you will assume command of the Chasseurs de Cheval of the Old Guard. Oh, and . . ."
He took the cross of the Legion of Honor from his uniform, and with one quick movement, pinned it in my breast. "But you will have to get a new uniform. And provide the Marshal Prince of Wagram with the names of those who distinguished themselves in the action, and you may take them into the Guard with you."
As to what happened next, you know all that. But I -- I, the Brigadier Gerard -- did my part in the great victory without fighting!