Eugenics, Nukes and an Avocado Pizza - A Sideways Party Run-down TL

[Sideways]

So, you're doing the talking to yourself thing?

I'm doing that thing, yes.

A Party Run-down TL?

I do this thing where once every two to three weeks I look at the websites of all the UK parties, write a sentence about each one, and try to be funny. Then I post it at the start of each new politibrits thread and on my Test thread. I've always wondered if I could do a TL in that format.

So this will be all in that format?

No.

sideways pls

Some of it will be quotes from people talking about the run-down, or maybe little slice of life posts about what the forum posters do. I don't know yet.

You haven't got a plan for this yet?

I know the setting. I don't know how this will go down. I'm super open to suggestions, cameos, questions, or anything else that will set the direction for where this goes.

Do you at least know how the avocado pizza relates to this.

Who told you about the avocado pizza?

It's... in the-

This interview is over.

 

[Sideways]

1 February 2017​

Major Parties:
National: The National Party is understandably making a big deal about Prime Minister Laing going to the Moon. What? Sorry? He's not the Brit who's on the Moon right now, fuck you'd never guess from the amount they're bragging about it.
Labour: Are absolutely infuriated that private companies are refusing people access to NHS medical treatment. Isn't that what we pay doctors to do?
Common Wealth: Oops Kara Conner is in prison again. You can send all solidarity messages to her usual vacation address.
Liberal: Put forward an amendment to the Trade Harmonisation Bill deregulating European jams and preserves. Fuck oh fuck oh fuck. We're now at the stage in the post-atomic chaos where the war was so long ago reconstruction has actively become boring.

Nationalists:
Sinn Fein: Darren Adams has resigned from Parliament, and has taken a job with the Dublin Party. He's officially the only Belfast resident in history to take a job in Dublin because it means a shorter commute.
SNP: Are doing the "biggest leafleting campaign in Scottish history" to share the achievements of their MPs. So, they'll be the smallest leaflets in Scottish history, then?
Plaid Cymru: So, their candidate in Cardiff Central was arrested for assaulting his daughter. That's... they may want to select someone else? Probably.
English National Party: Islam blah blah, The French, blah blah, Nazi asylum seekers, blah.

Middle Tier parties
British Union: Something something immigrants? It's pretty tremendous how they manage to blame violence in Refugee communities on the refugees having the audacity to be there in the first place.
New Left: No let me tell you about the difference between socialisation and nationalisation again, you'll get it this time, really. - Literally the only thing Hogarth ever says in parliament.
Communist Party of Great Britain: Have you been following the Ruthenian Civil War? According to the CPGB it's the entertainment event of the century.
Pacifist: Did you know Ruthenia is literally the most dangerous crisis of the twenty-first century. By the way, remember the Eiffel Tower? This lot doesn't.
Christian: Big protest against polyamory next week. It's always fun to watch the mental gymnastics that happen when Bible literalists try to use the Old Testament to prove that people shouldn't have more than one wife.

Lower Tier Parties
Shield: According to them apparently the Neo-Nazi cell they arrested in Portsmouth this week was a Jewish conspiracy? Sure, guys, whatever.
Equality Party: By-election for their sex worker spokesperson. Almost worth following the find out the name of one of their candidates for a mid-level target constituency. Wait, this only interests me.
Reform: Have produced a 2000 word essay on the difference between UBI and Citizen's Income and why they don't support either. It's this kind of thrilling campaigning that makes them the political success they are today.
Social Credit: Demand the Wages of the Machine! T-shirts with a cute robot on them. Want want want.
New Age: In trouble for trying to literally block vaccinations on a local council. Somehow. They don't even have the power to do this.
Ecology: Won a council by-election in Devon! I wonder what the NIMBY campaign du jour is there that let that happen?
Ulster Defense Party: Flegs.
Ulster Unity: Trying to get Ulster Scots on the curriculum alongside Irish. Also, Ulster Scots is a thing apparently.
Anarchist Union: In trouble because the Federal Constabulary found people were using fake names on their membership database. The Feds haven't explained how they got a copy of the AU's internal membership database. I can't imagine why people would feel the need to use fake names when joining.
Revolutionary Communist Party: Published a list of the name and addresses of all former Nazi party officials living in the UK, because that won't cause any murders at all.

 

[Alex Richards]

This is a very interesting idea- the hints of what's happened are slightly mental.

 

[Skinny87]

This is brilliant, you spoil us BSW

I'm eagerly awaiting the next few posts to try and guess the PoD(s)

 

[Bolt451]

Its

Its beautiful!

more please

 

[mymatedave10]

This is completely strange and confusing, and therefore it's a normal BSW TL. I do, however, hope that you haven't given up on your Trek TL though.

 

[skaven]

TL's in an unorthodox format have always been something I enjoy, so I'm looking forward to this greatly.

 

[Dom]

I didn't know this much Sideways even existed.

 

[KingCrawa]

I didn't know this much Sideways even existed.

I've had to add a new level to the Sideways Scale.

 

[Lemon flavoured]

Looks very interesting.

 

[Sideways]

This is brilliant, you spoil us BSW

I'm eagerly awaiting the next few posts to try and guess the PoD(s)

Thanks. There is an answer to that question, and some people on the forum know what it is. I think @Bolt451 already knows precisely what it is.

If you're reading this and you know the POD already, please could you discuss it only behind spoilors so people can play the guess the POD game? Because that's always fun. The guesses in Wheels Within Wheels made me super jealous of some of the ideas suggested.

This is completely strange and confusing, and therefore it's a normal BSW TL. I do, however, hope that you haven't given up on your Trek TL though.

Hah. I've been unemployed for a while, and it's kicked my arse. I've had time, but no brain cells. The Star Trek TL really suffered from that. On Monday, I start a temp job and I'll have my job hunting braincells back in use for creative stuff again. I'll review the ST:EN TL there and look into continuing it.

TL's in an unorthodox format have always been something I enjoy, so I'm looking forward to this greatly.

Cool! It may be just vanity, but I always enjoy AH run-down things. There's been some really good ones in the Test threads.

I've had to add a new level to the Sideways Scale.

Paganism hasn't been explicitly described as the majority religion, and there's no God like beings from beyond reality seeping into our world through the power of unusual psephological situations. So... we're surely still on about Sideways Lvl 7, surely?

 

[Bolt451]

Sideways Level: Peaceful Warrior High fiving John Hargreave on grounds of Starfleet Headquarters while Cthulhu watches

 

[Bolt451]

Thanks. There is an answer to that question, and some people on the forum know what it is. I think @Bolt451 already knows precisely what it is.

Do I? oh shit!

 

[Dom]

Paganism hasn't been explicitly described as the majority religion, and there's no God like beings from beyond reality seeping into our world through the power of unusual psephological situations. So... we're surely still on about Sideways Lvl 7, surely?

The meta that arises from the fact it's a party list TL bumps it above the SW6 I would usually award a Post-Nuclear War ( I think) TL

Thinks I think
-More successful Nazi Germany, that was eventually nuked?
-Some sort of Proportional Representation
-Do we have the entirety of Ireland?
-Space race delayed or more advanced? They're making a big deal of a Brit being on the moon but they also made a big deal of Tim Peake. Is it Tim Peake?

 

[KingCrawa]

I hope my alt universe self will get a cameo?

 

[skaven]

Thinks I think
-More successful Nazi Germany, that was eventually nuked?
-Some sort of Proportional Representation
-Do we have the entirety of Ireland?
-Space race delayed or more advanced? They're making a big deal of a Brit being on the moon but they also made a big deal of Tim Peake. Is it Tim Peake?

Also, something horrible has happened to France, given the reference to the Eiffel Tower. And Ruthenia is TTL's Yugoslavia, presumably.

 

[Dom]

Also, something horrible has happened to France, given the reference to the Eiffel Tower. And Ruthenia is TTL's Yugoslavia, presumably.

Yeah something bad enough to be considered by the author of this to be "the most dangerous crisis of the 21st century"

Maybe the Nazi's knocked it down?

 

[Bolt451]

I hope my alt universe self will get a cameo?

That's just greedy, padre

 

[Dom]

Oh shit and normalised (?) Polyamory how could I forget that!

 

[skaven]

Yeah something bad enough to be considered by the author of this to be "the most dangerous crisis of the 21st century"

Maybe the Nazi's knocked it down?

I thought it couldmean something like "Everyone in Pacifist is too young to remember the Eiffel Tower". Given that there's apparently also a French refugee crisis, from the English National Party entry.