Challenge- Worst timeline ever!

Status
Not open for further replies.
1955: The Vatican commision Robert A Heinlein to write another chaper in their holy book, the Bible.

1956: Heinlein offer them the a new testament.

1968: Citing lack of inconsistancies, the Vatican church offers Colin Forbes to rewrite the new testament from scratch.

1969: The New Testament is released and old copies are burnt. Chuches keept warm for years.

1999: Dan Brown makes minor adjustments to Bible.
 
50,000 BC : For some reason Woolly Mammoths don't go extinct and continue to roam the Earth.

Not only is this weird it is also stupid because the Woolly Mammoths did not go extinct 50, 000 years ago....;)

Edit: Sorry, didn't check dates of last post. Please Ignore.
 
Last edited:
Bit of a necro, don't you think? Pay attention to dates, dude.

EDIT: Damnit, you noticed your mistake before I finished typing!

Anyhow, I don't think anyone here can match the unintentional stupidity that was "samurai at the Alamo" or whatever the title was. It was actually from some other AH site, and it was bad.
 
Not only is this weird it is also stupid because the Woolly Mammoths did not go extinct 50, 000 years ago....;)

Edit: Sorry, didn't check dates of last post. Please Ignore.
I wish you die (virtually speaking) for having bumped that.
 
space

it is 111111199 and hitler is invadin bolivia and mongolia
hitler: i am bore want to dance
world: no
but tehn teh spaic monkey attacks
and hitler and world team up to fite teh spaic monkei but r no macth so teih l0=0ws
spaic monkey say ok and taiek over univers
sudenly a diease cal ebol epxlods teh spaic monkey
ok
last spaic monkey say ok and time travle back intpo past and saves teh worl from spaic monkey so time is normal again
ok done
(did you guys like it i did bad grammar lol)
 
I'll go the Civ V route:

6,000 BC-Rome is founded. For the next 2 thousand years or so, Rome has 1 citizen.

4,000 BC: Rome has 2 citizens. They have found another city, Paris. They also used mythical nonexistent citizens as soldiers to fight off barbarians.

1,000 BC: Rome still has 2 citizens. They are very unhappy. In the meantime, scouts have reached the arctic circle and the horn of Africa.

500 BC: Rome gets its third citizen. They have also founded a second city, Antium, with one citizen.

100 BC: Rome has founded a third city, Ostia. Paris has also founded more cities, and there's other cities Rome has discovered.

Fast forward:

2000 AD: Rome, with her 20 citizens, is in a nuclear war with France.
 
Whilst arguably asb because of its origin, I had an interesting idea for a "god king" survives to the present era sort of thing.

The POD is a big issue though. It presumes that there both was a historical buddha, and that many of the conditions told within his story are accurate rather than stories/ skillfull means.
In essence, follow up the idea of the prophecy surrounding siddhartias birth, that he would either be a great holy man or conquer all the world. Instead of giving him the secluded life of luxury that makes suffering such a shock to him, make his father more interested in giving him a martial life from the outset.

Now in the traditional story, the prophecy serves to be a little bit of irony. Not only does he become a holy man, but also a conquered of the self. With this development, I like to imagine him as an almost indian Alexander the Great, with an imperial cult that has the unique element of direct reincarnation with all kings taking the name of Siddharta and being expected to conquer to fulfil the prophecy. The imperial cult would begin to trickle down in parody of otl Buddhism, with reincarnation to maintain your ego being valued through hedonism keeping you bound to this sacred plane, highly egoist morality etc.

As I said, arguably asb and hard to write as you fall Ito the trap of presuming a religion is correct, which opens up a whole can of worms.
 
Tibet-wank!

Inspired by a game of Victoria 2.

1836: The kingdom of Tibet begins a program of modernization and begins building up it's army.
1837: Tibet invades Burma with the help of a Siamese alliance with conquest as the goal.
1845: After a long bloody war of attrition the Burmese surrender and Tibet gains a coastline.
1846: The newly constructed Tibetan navy launches an invasion of Brunei, which succeeds.
1848: Tibet starts building modern infantry units.
1863: Tibet becomes a fully westernized nation, they celebrate this achievement by launching an invasion of Ethiopia, shipping their entire army over to the east african coast, by years end Ethiopia is added to the growing Tibetan Empire which is now very wealthy from selling coffee.
1868: Tibet annexes Egypt
1874: Tibet annexes Yunnan and Qinghai.
1880: Tibet colonizes east and south africa.
1914: Gavrilo Princip kills Franz Ferdinand, starting WW1. While the British are occupied in Europe Tibet launches an invasion of India, occupying Bangladesh and Delhi. The British are unable to intervene and surrender their indian colonies.
1918: WW1 ends with Tibet being by far the largest and most powerful country on Earth, controlling vast parts of China and India under the benevolent reign of the Dali Lama.
1919: Tibet begins a naval buildup that nobody is suspicious of in any way.
1922: A fleet of odd-looking ships are spotted off the coast of California, before their identity can be ascertained hundreds of thousands of elite Tibetan warriors (who are somehow buddhist) storm the western coast of the United States.
1925: The battle of Washington ends in a victory for the Tibetan forces, the Treaty of Vegas cedes everything west of the Mississippi to the glorious and benevolent Tibetan empire.
1951: That Siddharta book is way more popular probably.
1969:
tibetanmoon.png
 
Last edited:
1776: All of British America join American Revolution.
1783: American Revolution complete.
1789: French Revolution.
1792: Cult of Reason established.
1800: President Adams fights Barbary Wars. Annexes North Africa.
1802: French forces conquer all of HRE and Italy.
1803: US joins in War of 3 Coalition. France allied to Ottoman Empire for some reason.
1805: War of 3 Coalition ends. US and Austria split Ottoman Empire.
1810: French Continue fighting.
1812: General Boneparte attempts a coup to establish a democracy. He is defeated and moves to the US.
1814: Boneparte is given honorary Natural Citizen in US.
1816: Boneparte elected President.
1817: Mughals conquer war-waery british india.
1820: US declares isolatioism.
1822: France goins on a conquering-spree, and takes over Austria and Scandinavia.
1823: All of Spainish America declares the Empire of New Rome.
1825: Louisiana, Cuba, and Argentina declare themselves seperate republics.
1831: The Mughals are enlisted by the British to contian the French, who have landed in England.
1835: The Rothschilds move to the Mughal Empire. The Mughal Empire beocmes a banking powerhouse.
1841: Louisiana defults on its debts. The Mughal Empire shows up and takes it over.

To be continued....
 
I'll go the Civ V route:

6,000 BC-Rome is founded. For the next 2 thousand years or so, Rome has 1 citizen.

4,000 BC: Rome has 2 citizens. They have found another city, Paris. They also used mythical nonexistent citizens as soldiers to fight off barbarians.

1,000 BC: Rome still has 2 citizens. They are very unhappy. In the meantime, scouts have reached the arctic circle and the horn of Africa.

500 BC: Rome gets its third citizen. They have also founded a second city, Antium, with one citizen.

100 BC: Rome has founded a third city, Ostia. Paris has also founded more cities, and there's other cities Rome has discovered.

Fast forward:

2000 AD: Rome, with her 20 citizens, is in a nuclear war with France.
rome must be in a food poor spawn if its has 20 citizens by 2000 A.D :p
 
Worst TL EVER:
- February 14th, 2008, 12:00 AM after nearly five months, a guest known only as the Doctor, brings the dead thread of Challenge- Worst timeline ever! back to live.

- January 4th, 2009, 01:21 AM, after nearly a 11 months, a member who should known best, brings the dead thread of Challenge- Worst timeline ever! back to live .... for a second turn.

- September 9th, 2011, 06:24 PM, again after two years and one month, teg, The Worst Unionist, brings the dead thread of Challenge- Worst timeline ever! back to live ......... for a third turn. turn.

- October 20th 2014, AGAIN After over 3 YEARS, Superninja76, brings the dead thread of Challenge- Worst timeline ever! BACK to live ..... for a FOURTH turn.
 
Clever, Jonathan.

Here's my idea, based on an EU4 run as Burgundy, with a blend of historical flavor:

10 November 1444 - Charles Martin, son of Phillip 'the Good', Duke of Burgundy, celebrates his 11th birthday in Bruges.

11 November 1444 - Phillip declares war on France, allegedly in repentance for the Treaty of Arras.

12 November 1444 - Phillip DIES (punishment for his unscrupulous affairs with more than a dozen mistresses), leaving the vast jumble of titles that was the Duchy of Burgundy to Charles.

13 November 1444 - Charles' regents, his bastard-brothers Courneille and Anthony, employ a rich Flemish banker to assist in the duchy's finances. This self-proclaimed 'Master of the Mint' recommends the origination of a massive loan, worth five hundred times the duke's monthly gross income, in order to finance the war with France.

14 November 1444 - While the armies of France are occupied with the sieges of Normandy and Gascony, a massive force is raised in the Burgundian Lowlands---a combined force of forty-thousand; eleven thousand mounted knights, sergeants and squires, and twenty-nine thousand infantry levies and mercenaries.

~December 1444 - Rouen falls to the French after an unprecedented assault led by Jean Bureau, who, without regrouping or consolidating his force, immediately marches west toward Caen. The Burgundian army marches on Paris, while another mercenary force is raised in Flanders

~January 1445 - In the dead of winter, the Burgundian army makes camp outside the walls of Paris. Three thousand die of exposure. Yet another mercenary force is raised.

~February 1445 - After a sustained barrage by captured French artillery, the frost-bitten Burgundian army assaults the city. Bolstered by mercenary reinforcements, the city falls to within the month. The army is consolidated. The 'Sack of Paris' ensues; mercenaries plunder the city of its riches and women. The city burns for weeks, providing warmth to the triumphant Burgundian forces.

~March 1445 - The main Burgundian army departs from Paris, while mercenary forces are broken off and allowed to plunder the countryside of ducal Champagne. The 'Bastard Brothers', Courneille and Anthony, meet the French forces, weary from battle with the English, outside Orleans. The French are decisively defeated.

~April 1445 - Courneille and Anthony pursue and finally destroy the defeated French army. Many nobility are captured. Jean Bureau is killed in personal combat with Courneille. In the Lowlands, additional mercenary companies are employed by Burgundy and sent to capture Alencon, Orleans, Berry, and Bourbon

~May - November 1445 - While the Burgundian prevents another major French force from being raised, mercenary forces lay waste to the French countryside. Most of northern France falls to Burgundy.

11 November 1445 - One year, to the day, after declaring war, Courneille and Anthony negotiate peace with France on behalf of Charles, who is present at the peace talks but does not speak up. France cedes ducal Champagne and agrees to pay war reparations for ten years.

Three years later, upon reaching his majority, Charles assumes his father's titles, as well as the massive debt incurred by his bastard brothers. To alleviate the financial burden on the duchy, he orders the disbanding of the standing army, much to the chagrin of his brothers and pretty much everyone else in his court. The Holy Roman Emperor and the King of England declare separate wars on Burgundy almost immediately, and are joined in coalition by most of western Europe. Charles, without [much of] a standing army and very much in debt, can do nothing while armies of varying sizes do to the Burgundian lands what his brothers' forces had done to France, only worse.

Charles is dragged out of his castle in Bruges and executed by the Emperor himself, who claims his lands and agrees to split them with the King of France.

By 1450, the Duchy of Burgundy ceases to exist as an autonomous entity.
 
Last edited:
2009 - Make a thread called "Create Challenge- Worst timeline ever"

2014 - *Necromancy*

2014 - ????

2014 - PROFIT!!!
 
April 10, 1861: CSA declares war on the US

April 11, 1861: US gives up because Lincoln was born in Kentucky and would support slavery and stuff

April 12, 1861: The CSA really wanted to go to war, but now they can't go to war with the US because they said no, so, like, they invade Mexico or some shit like that

April 13, 1861: Mexico surrenders to the CSA and agrees to become part of the CSA because all the Mexicans were coming here anyway

April 14, 1861: So, like, nothing happens in Africa, so, like they build a colony or something because theirs a bunch of Europe making colonies. idk where though

April 15, 1861: A whole bunch of slaves go to Africa coz they hate slavery so they make their own country in Africa.

April 16, 1861: Some dude in the CSA invents the nuke

April 17, 1861: The CSA nukes everyone lol

January 20, 2009: Obama becomes president
 
1844: The Provinxe of Mexico seceded from New Rome. In the north, Mughal monks are converting many to Islam.

1847: The US conquers Egypt. Neo-Mithraism grows amongst the army.

1855: US settlement of central Africa begins out of the Cape.

1856: The US becomes the United States of Greater America.

1858: A coup occurs in France and they invade Russia. They get much of the east.

1861: Through some weird means, Russia gets control of China.

1864: Leo Tolatoy immigrates to the US. Writes the Bushwhacker Manifesto, encouraging a sort f anarchist, utopian, raiding. His followers appear in the Canadian Plains.

1873: Tjr Bushwhacker Wars break out. General Wyatt Earp gains prominence.

1875: The 20th of September Motions break out in Mexico. King Juan-Carlos II is overthrown by a junta of Neo-Aztec Generals.

1876: The Chinese South breaks away.

1881: The Great Game, between the UK, the Mughals, and Russia is fought.

1889: New Rome conquers Japan.

1892: Wyatt Earp is elected to the Presidency. Southern states, led by the State of Cape, secede and Civil War breaks out. With French support the North wins.

1895: Religious violence flares up in Mexico. The Muslims and Catholics unite, but are defeated by the Neo-Aztecists.

1901: The Mexicans, using specially developed airships, smash through Louisiana and invade the US. Much of Louisiana is sacrificed.

1908: Portugal and New Rome fight, inconclusively.

1909: The Mexicans conquer Korea.

1914: The World War breaks out when the French Leader is assassinated in Berlin Nya Pan-Slavic Nationalist. It pits France, the US, Mughals, and New Rome against the Russians, British, Portugueae, and Mexicans. Gas is used for the first time in this war.

1918: The World War ends. Britains Empire is dismantled. The US gets all of East Africa.

1919: Virginian-farther and Syrian-mother Jake Feathrston comes to prominence for his book on the Caucasian Front.

1925: Nee Rome disintegrates in Civil War. Jake Fratherston, Eric Blair, and Ernest Hemmingway all meet.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top