Dirty Laundry: An Alternate 1980s

If there's ever a 1970s analogue to Dirty Laundry -- and yes, I have an idea planned for that :D -- it seems almost axiomatic that "Jack & Diane" would be butterflied away, or at minimum, changed dramatically given the confluence of circumstances behind its creation IOTL.

Great great stuff, as always, and I'd love a 1970's analog. :) E of Pi can help with the space race stuff (and if you ever do the '60s, I can help you) :)
 
Just found time to catch up with this. Good work, as usual.

Poor Henley; he has no idea how to conduct a decent campaign. To say it doesn't look good for him right now is an understatement. :p

Also, I was thinking about something regarding Michael J. Fox: he could potentially have a future career in voice acting ITTL. I know he's done Stuart Little as well as numerous cartoons IOTL, but it didn't come about until well after his heyday in "live" acting. Here, he might jump straight into voice acting...if there's a Back to the Future Saturday morning cartoon like OTL, he might just get to play Marty McFly after all! :D

And on a similar note, I hope we get to see how the animation field is doing soon.

---

It's time for another update in my quest to find all the #1 songs in this universe. Today, I'm going back to September-December of 1983.

When we last left off, Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money" was in its second week at the top. However, given that Flashdance is still fresh in people's minds, I'd say there's one more song that could potentially dethrone the disco-inspired hit--Michael Sembello's "Maniac", which I'm going to say has a one-week stay at the top (the hype of the film has probably died down somewhat; that's why I'm only giving it one week).

New wave is going to be quite prominent in this stretch, as songs like "Keep Feeling Fascination" by the Human League and "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats hit the top 10 at this point IOTL. According to Post #52, they do the same ITTL, but I don't think either one has the 'it factor' to reach #1.

As Andrew T noted in a previous post, Boston's album Third Stage is released in this stretch, three years earlier than OTL. The post also hints that Boston's "Amanda" is going to have a monster seven-week run at #1 starting in September. Going back to Post #52 again, I see that Air Supply's "Making Love Out of Nothing At All" hit #1 before 11/12, and since Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is in its second week at #1 at that point, Air Supply have to hit #1 for one week, on 10/29. This probably gives them a crapload of weeks in the Top 10 with the single if it's released at the same time as OTL, but hey, stranger things have happened.

Looking at the same Top 10 from 11/12, I see that Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel the Noize" takes a big leap up the charts (#10 to #2) at the time Bonnie Tyler is at #1. Since heavy metal is playing a much bigger role ITTL, I'm going to follow my rock 'n roll heart and give the song a two-week run at #1, becoming the first metal song to do so. After all, it's on the Billboard Year-End for 1984, and in order to do so, I feel it has to do well near the end of '83. Speaking of hard rock, that genre also looks like it does well on the charts at the tail end of '83. Dio's "Rainbow in the Dark" hits the Top 10 ITTL (it never even made the Top 40 IOTL), and Pat Benatar also released "Love is a Battlefield" around this time. But the two will probably pale in comparison to the popularity of another song climbing the charts, one by--you guessed it--Def Leppard. I'm anticipating their song "Foolin'" to become their second #1 hit, and since they only hit #1 for one week with "Photograph", I've given them two weeks with "Foolin'", just because I feel bad for that. ;)

To finish up the year, I feel people might need a little "cooling down" from all that rock and metal. Therefore, I'm going to say that Lionel Richie's "All Night Long", which was climbing on 11/12, hits the top for the remaining weeks of 1983.

September-December, 1983
  • 9/3: "Maniac" - Michael Sembello
  • 9/10: "Amanda" - Boston
  • 9/17: "Amanda" - Boston
  • 9/24: "Amanda" - Boston
  • 10/1: "Amanda" - Boston
  • 10/8: "Amanda" - Boston
  • 10/15: "Amanda" - Boston
  • 10/22: "Amanda" - Boston
  • 10/29: "Making Love Out of Nothing At All" - Air Supply
  • 11/5: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler
  • 11/12: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler
  • 11/19: "Cum on Feel the Noize" - Quiet Riot
  • 11/26: "Cum on Feel the Noize" - Quiet Riot
  • 12/3: "Foolin'" - Def Leppard
  • 12/10: "Foolin'" - Def Leppard
  • 12/17: "All Night Long (All Night)" - Lionel Richie
  • 12/24: "All Night Long (All Night)" - Lionel Richie
  • 12/31: "All Night Long (All Night)" - Lionel Richie

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Let me know.
 
Good update.

Have you seen Ruthless People, BTW?

Yup. I'm overdue for some movie updates, but I can confirm that The Ratings Game is as OTL. :)


Also, I was thinking about something regarding Michael J. Fox: he could potentially have a future career in voice acting ITTL. I know he's done Stuart Little as well as numerous cartoons IOTL, but it didn't come about until well after his heyday in "live" acting. Here, he might jump straight into voice acting...if there's a Back to the Future Saturday morning cartoon like OTL, he might just get to play Marty McFly after all! :D

Oh, that's a really neat idea, and I hadn't considered voice acting until now, so thanks for... giving me another broad topic area to research.

And on a similar note, I hope we get to see how the animation field is doing soon.

Well, Warner Bros. now owns the DeLaurentiis Entertainment Group....

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Let me know.

I'm not sure I would have gone in the same direction as you on a couple of these, but I'm convinced by your research (and passion!), and so I'm happy to include everything through the end of 1983 as canon. I'll post a 1985 in music... soonish?


Based on the Walkman's no doubt painstaking efforts to calculate every Hot 100 number one single of 1983 ITTL, I have gone ahead with my aforementioned suggestion and created a mock-up Wikipedia page: Check it out and let me know what you think.

I love it!
 
Based on the Walkman's no doubt painstaking efforts to calculate every Hot 100 number one single of 1983 ITTL, I have gone ahead with my aforementioned suggestion and created a mock-up Wikipedia page: Check it out and let me know what you think.

For the sake of comparison, here is the IRL summary.

This is great!

With the exception of "Amanda", it looks like we get close to the same significant hits in '83 as OTL. It's also interesting to see that even though many of the songs are the same, there's very little "overlapping" going on--only 18 out of the 53 weeks have the same #1 song as OTL.

Oh, that's a really neat idea, and I hadn't considered voice acting until now, so thanks for... giving me another broad topic area to research.

:eek:

I'm not sure I would have gone in the same direction as you on a couple of these, but I'm convinced by your research (and passion!), and so I'm happy to include everything through the end of 1983 as canon. I'll post a 1985 in music... soonish?

Well, sometimes it isn't easy doing a task this...daunting! If anything, 1984 is going to be harder, because I don't have any Top 10 "chart sweeps" to go by! :rolleyes:
 

Heavy

Banned
Well, sometimes it isn't easy doing a task this...daunting! If anything, 1984 is going to be harder, because I don't have any Top 10 "chart sweeps" to go by! :rolleyes:

Here's the actual list for 1984.

I suspect "Jump" might be even bigger, though five weeks at number one is great by anyone's standards. Same thing with "Ghostbusters", if some of the earlier entries in the TL are anything to go by. There's at least one Survivor song from Vital Signs too, as I recall, and if I remember the New Wave article from a couple of pages back, "Karma Chameleon" is still a number one hit. Possibly "The Reflex", since I don't see any reason why Duran Duran wouldn't be popular.*

The most striking absence from 1983 was "Say Say Say" by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. I could see it potentially bulldozing the competition in January and February.

Obviously, the biggest gaps will be "When Doves Cry" and "Let's Go Crazy".

*Speaking of Duran Duran, are they still America's favourite pop group in 1983 and 1984 as they were IOTL? I'm curious to see what they'll do; I wonder if Andy Taylor's rock inclinations will have much of an impact ITTL.
 
*Speaking of Duran Duran, are they still America's favourite pop group in 1983 and 1984 as they were IOTL? I'm curious to see what they'll do; I wonder if Andy Taylor's rock inclinations will have much of an impact ITTL.
...And is there still the temporary fission into The Power Station/Arcadia...?
 

Heavy

Banned
...And is there still the temporary fission into The Power Station/Arcadia...?

The Power Station is important insofar as it reminds America that Robert Palmer is still alive and still recording music, which helped to make Riptide and "Addicted To Love" (which featured many contributions from Andy Taylor and Tony Thompson) into hits.
 
Code of Silence

Code of Silence (album)
from *Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Code of Silence is the first (and so far, only) studio album by the duo of Billy Joel and Cyndi Lauper, who collaborated on nine of the album’s ten tracks. [1] It was released on September 14, 1985 and has been certified 5x platinum in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America. Code of Silence produced six Top 40 hits, with the title track going to #1. [2] The album peaked at number two on the Billboard 200 album chart, staying on the charts for 27 weeks. [3] Upon its release, Code of Silence generally drew positive reviews from music critics, although neither the album nor any of the singles released from it were nominated for any major music awards at either the 1985 or 1986 Grammys.

The Code of Silence album was arranged to showcase the collaboration between Joel and Lauper. Billy Joel provides the lead vocals on tracks 1, 3, 6, 8, and 10, and Cyndi Lauper sings lead on tracks 2, 4, 7, and 9. The album’s title track, No. 5, is considered a true duet, although Joel’s sections are thirty-two seconds longer than Lauper’s. [4] Each provides background vocals on the other’s lead tracks with the exception of tracks one (“Running on Ice,” a Billy Joel song) and two (“Let’s Go Crazy,” a Cyndi Lauper cover of a song originally written by Prince). “Let’s Go Crazy” was released as a Cyndi Lauper single on November 2, 1985 [5]; “Running On Ice” was released as a Billy Joel single on June 11, 1986.

The two toured in support of the album in 1985 and through the first three months of 1986, after which Billy Joel left. Cyndi Lauper continued to tour, then dubbed the “Separation” Tour, although both Joel and Lauper have insisted that their relationship was friendly while on tour together. [6]

The album mostly features supporting music from the Billy Joel Band, although Code of Silence is the only Billy Joel album not to feature Liberty DeVitto on drums. DeVitto was replaced by session drummer Anton Fig, who had collaborated on Lauper’s first album, She’s So Unusual. [7]


Contents
1. Track Listing
2. Personnel
3. Singles
4. Certifications
5. References


Track Listing
(All songs written by Billy Joel and Cyndi Lauper unless noted otherwise.)
No., Title, Lead Vocals, Length
1. “Running on Ice,” Joel, 3:19
2. “Let’s Go Crazy,” Lauper, 4:31 (orig. by Prince; edited by Joel and Lauper)
3. “A Matter of Trust,” Joel, 4:09
4. “Maybe We’ll Know,” Lauper, 4:28 [8]
5. “Code of Silence,” duet, 5:10
6. “My Kind of Woman,” Joel, 3:55 [9]
7. “When We Were Young,” Lauper, 4:30 [10]
8. “Memories,” Joel, 4:44 [11]
9. “True Colors,” Lauper, 3:50 (orig. by Billy Steinberg and Tom Kelly)
10. “Answers,” Joel, 4:38 [12]


Personnel
Billy Joel – lead vocals, background vocals, piano, synthesizers, Fender Rhodes piano on “Answers”
Cyndi Lauper – lead vocals, background vocals, various percussion
David Brown – lead guitar, acoustic guitar, electric guitar
Russell Javors – guitars
Doug Stegmeyer – bass
Mark Rivera – tenor saxophone
Anton Fig – drums
Steve Winwood – organ, backing vocals on “Answers”


Singles [13]
Year, Single, Chart, Position
1985, “Code of Silence,” Billboard Hot 100, 1
1985, “Let’s Go Crazy,” Billboard Hot 100, 10
1985-86, “A Matter of Trust,” Billboard Hot 100, 8
1986, “My Kind of Woman,” Billboard Hot 100, 27
1986, “When We Were Young,” Billboard Hot 100, 15
1986, “True Colors,” Billboard Hot 100, 2
1986, “Running on Ice,” Billboard Hot 100, 44
1986, “Memories,” Billboard Hot 100, 65
1986, “Answers,” Billboard Hot 100, 78


Certifications
Code of Silence was certified 5x platinum by the RIAA in the United States. It was certified Diamond by Music Canada in Canada, Gold by BPI in the United Kingdom, and 2x platinum by RIAJ in Japan.


References
[1] With all of the focus on heavy metal and hard rock lately, it’s important to remember that a major characteristic of OTL’s 1980s was diversity of musical tastes and styles; that’s even more true ITTL. So while Motley Crue is hitting it big in 1985, there are also going to be millions of radio listeners positively hate “Welcome to the Jungle,” and those people are going to vote with their ears and dollars for things like Lauper/Joel. (There will also be people like yours truly, who like all of it.) :)

Also: by this time (1985), even songs that are otherwise ostensibly “identical” to OTL’s – such as “Running on Ice” – are going to have small differences due to butterflies, let alone something significant, such as Billy Joel singing backup vocals for “True Colors.”

Oh, and one more thing: why a collaboration between these two? A lot of reasons. First, they obviously collaborated on OTL’s “Code of Silence” off of Billy Joel’s 1986 album, The Bridge. Second, you may recall that Joel’s last album, An Innocent Man, failed to produce a number one single ITTL due to, well, bad luck, basically, so he’s hungry for commercial success. Third, Cyndi Lauper – despite her massive success – reached out to a bunch of people to help her make OTL’s True Colors album, including Joel, the Bangles, and Aimee Mann. Fourth, Billy Joel memorably collaborated with Elton John (for a tour only, not an album) IOTL; so again, he’s clearly up for sharing the spotlight. Put it all together and this just seemed right.

[2] This was foreshadowed – with an unfortunate … let’s call it a typo… way back in post #55, in which I told Brainbin that Billy Joel would have to wait until his next album, where the title track would hit #1. Since that was a non-“official” commentary post, hopefully you’ll forgive the error that I said the album was due out in 1986 rather than 1985. :eek:

[3] Note that generally, Code of Silence is somewhat more successful than both Billy Joel’s The Bridge and Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors albums, respectively. Part of that is that Lauper is more successful ITTL (having won the Grammy for Female Artist of the Year, 1984) and this album is coming out a year earlier than True Colors, so she’s got recency going for her. Part of it is that the songs on the combined album omit a whole lot of fairly mediocre stuff on the two separate albums. And part of it is that Billy Joel and Cyndi Lauper really do sound good together; go give OTL’s “Code of Silence” a listen sometime.

[4] IOTL, “Code of Silence” is a straight Billy Joel song, with Lauper on (memorable) background vocals.

[5] This was foreshadowed way back in post #102.

[6] And, if you scroll all the way back to post #43, you’ll find that not only did I foreshadow a “Separation” tour by Cyndi Lauper, but you’ll also learn that she also performs a cover of Boston’s “Amanda.” Given the number of artists who have covered “True Colors,” I figured this was only fair.

[7] IOTL, DeVitto sued Columbia and Billy Joel over unpaid royalties in 2009. The parties settled in 2010.

[8] Essentially, OTL’s “Maybe He’ll Know.”

[9] This is loosely based on OTL’s “Modern Woman.”

[10] Inspired by, but obviously significantly different than, OTL’s “Change of Heart.”

[11] A superior version to OTL’s “This is the Time.”

[12] Similar to OTL’s “Getting Closer.”

[13] OTL’s “True Colors” went to #1 and “Change of Heart” to #3, so their analogues do very slightly worse here, as does TTL’s version of “Modern Woman” (which hit #10 in 1986 for Billy Joel) and especially “This Is The Time” (which hit #18 for Billy Joel but barely cracks the Top 100 here). “Code of Silence” was not released as a single IOTL; nor was “Running on Ice.”
 

Heavy

Banned
References
[1] With all of the focus on heavy metal and hard rock lately, it’s important to remember that a major characteristic of OTL’s 1980s was diversity of musical tastes and styles; that’s even more true ITTL. So while Motley Crue is hitting it big in 1985, there are also going to be millions of radio listeners positively hate “Welcome to the Jungle,” and those people are going to vote with their ears and dollars for things like Lauper/Joel. (There will also be people like yours truly, who like all of it.) :)

That's a very good point, and I think it's easy to go too far in one direction. I mean, everybody talks about how Nirvana knocking Dangerous off the number one spot in 1991 was a musical revolution (and it certainly was a big deal), but they seldom mention that Nirvana were themselves dethroned by Garth Brooks of all people, whose album went on to stay at number one for fucking sixteen weeks.

Pretty cool update; certainly not something I saw coming, but that's what I like about this TL.
 
That's a very good point, and I think it's easy to go too far in one direction. I mean, everybody talks about how Nirvana knocking Dangerous off the number one spot in 1991 was a musical revolution (and it certainly was a big deal), but they seldom mention that Nirvana were themselves dethroned by Garth Brooks of all people, whose album went on to stay at number one for fucking sixteen weeks.

Pretty cool update; certainly not something I saw coming, but that's what I like about this TL.


Agreed! People also forget about Loveless by My Bloody Valentine which inspired everyone from Smashing Pumpkins to The Cure. That was the masterpiece of the 90's (more so than Mellon Collie).

I think you should branch out in the genres ;) Would be cool to see Chicago (the band I listen to at 3am when I'm drunk and... never mind :D).
 
Here's the actual list for 1984.

I suspect "Jump" might be even bigger, though five weeks at number one is great by anyone's standards. Same thing with "Ghostbusters", if some of the earlier entries in the TL are anything to go by. There's at least one Survivor song from Vital Signs too, as I recall, and if I remember the New Wave article from a couple of pages back, "Karma Chameleon" is still a number one hit. Possibly "The Reflex", since I don't see any reason why Duran Duran wouldn't be popular.*

The most striking absence from 1983 was "Say Say Say" by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. I could see it potentially bulldozing the competition in January and February.

Obviously, the biggest gaps will be "When Doves Cry" and "Let's Go Crazy".

Thanks to a previous post, I know "Ghostbusters" hits #1 for five weeks as well. "Jump" could be slightly bigger, but in order to keep "Ghostbusters" the #1 song of 1985, it's probably going to have to only hit #1 for the same five weeks it did IOTL. It may still rack up more weeks on the Top 10, though...

I still see "Karma Chameleon", "The Reflex", "Footloose" and "Time After Time" hitting #1. A previous post has also hinted that Bruce Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" is also a #1 song, due to "When Doves Cry" not hogging the spotlight. And of course, we've got Survivor toward the tail end of the year. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

Code of Silence is the first (and so far, only) studio album by the duo of Billy Joel and Cyndi Lauper, who collaborated on nine of the album’s ten tracks. [1] It was released on September 14, 1985 and has been certified 5x platinum in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America. Code of Silence produced six Top 40 hits, with the title track going to #1. [2] The album peaked at number two on the Billboard 200 album chart, staying on the charts for 27 weeks. [3] Upon its release, Code of Silence generally drew positive reviews from music critics, although neither the album nor any of the singles released from it were nominated for any major music awards at either the 1985 or 1986 Grammys.

Awesome update! It's always nice to see truly talented musicians like Lauper and the Piano Man in the spotlight, and a duet album between the two is certainly a novel (but still very, very plausible) idea. I love it!

Also, I'm shocked that I've never listened to "Code of Silence" until now. After giving it a listen, though, I can attest that it's an awesome song, and I'm surprised it was never released as a single.

Singles [13]
Year, Single, Chart, Position
1985, “Code of Silence,” Billboard Hot 100, 1
1985, “Let’s Go Crazy,” Billboard Hot 100, 10
1985-86, “A Matter of Trust,” Billboard Hot 100, 8
1986, “My Kind of Woman,” Billboard Hot 100, 27
1986, “When We Were Young,” Billboard Hot 100, 15
1986, “True Colors,” Billboard Hot 100, 2
1986, “Running on Ice,” Billboard Hot 100, 44
1986, “Memories,” Billboard Hot 100, 65
1986, “Answers,” Billboard Hot 100, 78

More songs to plug into 1985 when I get there. Great... :rolleyes:

Well, at least I know "True Colors" won't reach #1, and after listening to it, I think "Code of Silence" might steal a few listeners from "We Built This City", preventing the "worst song of all time" from reaching #1. :D

Pretty cool update; certainly not something I saw coming, but that's what I like about this TL.

Same here. This TL is so unpredictable it's almost funny. In addition to music, we've had movies, TV, computers/video games, politics, and even baseball and basketball. I wonder what the next surprise will be?...
 
Heart

Heart (Heart album)
from *Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Heart is the eponymous eighth studio album (and ninth overall album) released by Heart. Released in 1985, the album continued the band's transition into mainstream hard rock, a genre that yielded the band its greatest commercial success. Marking the band's Capitol Records debut, it spent 96 weeks on the U.S. Billboard 200 and became the first Heart album to hit number one, reaching quintuple platinum status. It also yielded the first number-one single for the band, "These Dreams,” along with four other top ten singles: “Never,” “Nothin’ at All,” “If Looks Could Kill,” and “We Built This City / Rock and Roll.” A sixth single, “If Looks Could Kill,” was a minor hit as well, reaching the Top 100. [1]

Contents
1. “We Built This City / Rock and Roll”
2. Track Listing
3. Personnel
4. Singles
5. Certifications
6. References


“We Built This City / Rock and Roll”
The song “We Built This City” was written by longtime Elton John songwriter Bernie Taupin, along with veteran songwriter Martin Page. Taupin and Page had already written “These Dreams” for Heart and offered the band “We Built This City” as well. [2] Nancy Wilson initially rejected the song, claiming that it was inconsistent with the hard rock image Heart was trying to convey with the album. However, Ann Wilson got the idea to rework the song so that the trailing lyrics “…we built this city on rock and roll” would then transition to an abridged cover of the Led Zeppelin song “Rock and Roll” from Led Zeppelin IV – a song that Heart has been playing at virtually all of their live shows since 1975.

After substantially reworking the song, Ann Wilson called Robert Plant to secure his permission to use “Rock and Roll;” Plant was said to be thrilled with the result and frequently performed Heart’s complete “We Built This City / Rock and Roll” live during his 1988 Now and Zen tour, causing Rolling Stone magazine to note the “strange phenomenon of an artist covering an artist covering himself.” [3]

At 7:58, “We Built This City / Rock and Roll” is the longest Heart single to crack the U.S. Billboard Top 40, peaking at #9. It was recently named Rolling Stone’s 38th-best song of the 1980s. [4]


Track Listing
No., Title, Author, Length
1. “If Looks Could Kill,” Jack Conrad and Bob Garrett, 3:43
2. “Nothin’ At All,” Mark Mueller, 4:09
3. “What About Love,” Brian Allen, Sheron Alton, Jim Vallance, 3:46
4. “Arbitrary,” Ann Wilson, Nancy Wilson, Sue Ennis, 3:35 [5]
5. “These Dreams,” Bernie Taupin and Martin Page, 4:16
6. “Never,” Ann Wilson, Nancy Wilson, Greg Bloch, Holly Knight, 4:03
7. “The Wolf,” Ann Wilson, Nancy Wilson, Howard Leese, Mark Andes, Denny Carmassi, Ennis, 3:55
8. “The Last of Me,” Ann Wilson, Nancy Wilson, Leese, Andes, Carmassi, Ennis, 4:05 [6]
9. “We Built This City / Rock and Roll,” Bernie Taupin, Martin Page, Ann Wilson, John Bonham, John Paul Jones, Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, 7:58


Personnel
Ann Wilson – lead and backing vocals
Nancy Wilson – backing and lead vocals, acoustic and electric guitar, mandolin, guitar solo on “We Built This City / Rock and Roll”
Howard Leese – electric guitar, keyboards, mandolin, backing vocals
Mark Andes – bass guitar
Denny Carmassi – drums
Peter Wolf – piano, synthesizer
Mickey Thomas – backing vocals on "What About Love", "Shell Shock", and "All Eyes"
Johnny Colla – backing vocals on "Nothin' at All" and "These Dreams"
Grace Slick – backing vocals on "What About Love" [7]
Lynn Wilson Keagle – backing vocals
Holly Knight – keyboards
Frankie Sullivan – additional guitar on "Nothin' at All"


Singles
Year, Single, Chart, Position
1985, “What About Love,” Billboard Hot 100, 9
1985, “Never,” Billboard Hot 100, 3
1985-86, “These Dreams,” Billboard Hot 100, 1
1986, “Nothin’ At All,” Billboard Hot 100, 11
1986, “We Built This City / Rock and Roll,” Billboard Hot 100, 9
1986, “If Looks Could Kill,” Billboard Hot 100, 63


Certifications and Chart Positions
Chart, Peak Position
Australian Albums Chart, 38
Canadian Albums Chart, 20
German Albums Chart, 56
Swedish Albums Chart, 19
UK Albums Chart, 1 [8]
U.S. Billboard 200, 1

Heart was certified 5x platinum in the U.S. by the RIAA.


References
[1] I’ve had this one in the works for a long time, and I wasn’t going to post it right on the heels of True Colors – there are so many other topics to cover, after all! But once The Walkman started speculating as to “We Built This City,” I figured I’d better get this update out before one of my ridiculously sharp-eyed readers noticed "We Built This City" was a Taupin/Page collaboration, put two and two together, and spoiled the fun. :) Anyway: minus “We Built This City,” the album is pretty much as OTL.

[2] One may infer that any one of the numerous problems that continuously plagued Jefferson Airplane/Jefferson Starship/Starship IOTL struck at a slightly different time ITTL. Needless to say, the Knee Deep In the Hoopla album is the considerably less successful Sara album ITTL – but Grace Slick is considerably happier for it. (I think the kindest thing she’s ever said about the song is that it’s “the dumbest song I’ve ever heard.”)

[3] Most of this is per OTL; Heart almost always performs “Rock and Roll” as part of their live shows, and Ann Wilson has said of Plant that he “he has taught me so much about singing from the soul and has given me such pleasure in his lyrics.”

Also: if you have not listened to Heart performing “Stairway” at the Kennedy Center in front of Plant, Jimmy Page, and John Paul Jones, you should go do that right now. Dirty Laundry can wait.

[4] Yes, despite (or is it because of?) the fact that TTL’s “We Built This City” is a significantly better song throughout, it enjoys less commercial success and more critical appreciation. You’ll have to find something else to crown as “The Worst Song of the 1980s” in the Dirty Laundryverse. :)

[5] Sort of like OTL’s “What He Don’t Know,” although with a harder edge.

[6] Loosely inspired by OTL’s “Shell Shock.”

[7] Yes, this is per OTL, and yes, it was what made me first think of “We Built This City” as a Heart song.

[8] Only the U.K. chart position differs significantly; you can credit that to “We Built This City,” of course.
 
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Heavy

Banned
Haha! Nice one!

There are two adjustments that would have made "We Built This City" a half-decent song IOTL. First, the producer should've taken Mickey Thomas aside and said, "Can you put some grit in this one? Sing it like you sang "Jane"!" (I imagine Ann Wilson, who's probably the best female rock singer of all time, would have that covered ITTL). Second, they should've cut back on the synth and replaced it with guitars. The excessive synths make it sound somewhat less than rocking, in my opinion (again, I suspect that's not an issue for Heart).

Anyway, cool stuff. I really enjoyed reading it.

Have you ever listened to the Starship album Love Among the Cannibals, by the way?
 
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