Part #16: Waves of Change
“The flaw of the Sun Kings of France was that they believed only they held the capability of approaching godhood. But I would argue that they were men ahead of their time, realizing that they need not cling to foolish meekness.”[1]
- Xander Cross, A World Without God
—|—
“The war in the Commonwealth went on for another year, and Europe sat locked in ceasefire in wait, as negotiations dragged on. The betrayal of the Lithuanians was seemingly sudden and radical to outside observers. But the eastern Grand Duchy had faced many disagreements under Jan III, and under Ludwik II, the conflicts became all the more potent. Their legislature would rule a royal decree as an overstep of power, and refused to enact it, and so then threats would arrive to leading magnates, who would either suspiciously become in favor of the king’s decision, or they would withdraw from politics until the issue was over. But a sizeable number instead revealed the dealings of the king and his loyalists, and it sparked a small but potent uprising. While crushed quickly and itself lacking in vision, the wounds of the incident were still in effect when the Prussian army came marching into Lithuania.
Many magnates had opposed the war, though the Lithuanian forces would march against Friedrich after a narrow decision. And now the war was being lost, a war fought entirely for Polish interests. Talks of separation had occurred under Jan, but in Ludwik’s reign, they were common place. If the Polish crown no longer cared their interests, the Lithuanian nobility was increasingly unsure of why it needed to remain in the Commonwealth. The biggest draw was defense, from the Swedes and Russians. But now, the Prussians offered the same, as well as greater autonomy. And that deal was cemented as the Lithuanian army began to siege Warsaw.[2]
...With the siege successful, peace was called. Soon enough, Commonwealth delegates arrived in Copenhagen, a year late, and quickly agreed to the treaty between them and the Holy Roman Empire.[3] The Peace of Copenhagen then included that treaty, one between England and France, one between France the Holy Roman Empire, one between Spain and Portugal, and one between England and the new loyalist government of the Dutch Republic. And one of its largest effects was an end to the First Commonwealth. The Polish king would lose his Pomeranian territory, landlocking the nation, and Lithuania was declared a separate, sovereign nation, and an election for a new Grand Duke was to be held…
...In the end, four candidates coalesced as the only true competitors. The first was Friedrich Wilhelm, heir to Prussia, who hoped to use his father's influence to take power. Second was Gustav Allertz, the second Count of Börringe, son of Swedish King Karl X Gustav’s bastard, who hoped to earn himself a high station. Third was Karol Stanisław Radziwiłł, a prominent minister and then chancellor, from the powerful Radziwiłł family. Fourth and last, was Friedrich Augustus the Strong of Saxony, who had previously been a competitor for the crown of Poland. The proud Saxon could bend horseshoes with his barehands, had led his armies well in repelling French invasions across the Moselle, and his patronage of the arts and design had turned Dresden into a cultural hub.[4] In the end, Radziwiłł was discounted as a tradition of foreign rule remained prominent, evidence in its use by the bickering of the magnates, but his role as chancellor remained, strengthened by fear of strong monarchy. Friedrich Wilhelm was feared as being too strong a tie to Prussia, and Gustav, while having surprising influence, was already at a disadvantage with his bastard-descended status, and sickness that left him forever with a limp negated the strong, bold presence he had made in personally attending the first day of election. Thus, Grand Duke Augustus II would be coronated, and immediately set preparing his own plans for glory, communicating with his allies in Denmark-Norway and Russia. Such plans would take several years to come to fruition, with the Saxon and Lithuanian armies alike bled nearly dry.”
- The Great Divorce by Zbigniew Konwicki
“Russian history is a bit like a being too hungover to attend a morale meeting at work; from one point of view, it feels rather fortuitous, from another, it feels like garbage. But speaking of drinking.
…slurp…
Ah, much better. Nothing like a Bulgarian Bomber[5] to go along with story telling. Now, where was I? Yes, Russia! Lets see, you’ve covered up until the death of Feodor III, correct? Hm? Mm! So then I think I will pick up with poor, poor Peter.
The boy had dreams, grand dreams, of a Russian Empire, mimicking the West in every way. While we cannot really know, some say he even wanted to move the capital away from Moscow, and that he even contemplated conversion to Catholicism, but that is all speculation from less than credible sources. But as it was, he was co-ruler with his brother Ivan V, who was mentally and physically infirm. Almost blind, senile, unable to walk properly. Ivan was Tsar because… bfff… Pardon… Because his mother, Sophia Alekseyevna, wished it, and she had cared for him to the best of her ability, consulting his addled brain even though she was officially regent. Peter was rather unhappy sharing his power, and desired for Ivan to step down as soon as Peter was old enough, and with him wanted Sofia to retract her claws from power as well.
So, in 1689, Sofia started up riots when Peter turned 17, hoping to have the mob turn to her side, accusing Peter’s supporters of plotting against Ivan. Likely manipulating his weakened brother, Peter convinced Ivan to come and publicly denounce such claims and announce confidence in… in uhm…
...slurp…
...In Peter! In Peter’s rule, yes.[6] But then came 1695. Everything was becoming different. Peter had John III in Poland-Lithuania refusing to bend knee, there were border skirmishes with the Ottomans, the Swedes taunted Russian power, and the French were utterly ascendant. Peter’s attempts to Westernize were making a lot of people unhappy, and already he had been forced to put down a handful of rebellions. But then, deciding to try and make alliance with the Danes, and learn a bit more about ship building while he was there, Peter left to travel the Baltic. It was October, but the skies had seemed clear. But next thing you know, the skies darken, the wind howls, the seas begin to churn, the wood of the ships creaking, and--
Oh, bucket… Hmmmm… Nevermind, I’m alright. Must’ve been the shrimp scampi.
But yes, Peter’s ship was properly fucked over by a storm. Cracked in two, sunken to the sea, and Peter with it. And to top it off, his son was back in Moscow, sick as a dog. Hearing that his father died sent the five year old in a downward spiral that resulted in the young lad’s death within a week. But here is the kicker. That was his only child. Which meant that, quite suddenly, Ivan V was tsar of Russia again.[7]
The poor man was thrown back into the court, but we shouldn’t be too worried. He seemed to be a bit invigorated by all the excitement, and he tried, to the best of his meager ability, to actively participate as a monarch.[8] Now, this made the court a bit worried, but he had been pumping out plenty of children, and if he could just make it long enough to have a son, he could die and then they could have a nice regency. But not only did he have no sons, but like Charles II before him, Ivan clung to life for another seventeen years, albeit at death’s door for most of that. And that left the real powers of state in the hands of his devoted partner: Tsaritsa Praskovia Salty-cunt, er, Saltykova. Heh heh. Pardon my slip up. I probably shouldn’t have anymore Bombers…
...slurp…
Anywho, Praskovia was in charge. And she was, by all accounts and now in folklore, the perfect wife. She cared for Ivan, loved him and aided him despite all of his disabilities, truly was devoted in both sickness and health. And she was fiercely protective. She and her daughters feared each day that someone would try to manipulate Ivan, would try to act as though he was not in power. So she worked hard to ensure he was always consulted on every matter. She would break down complicated affairs of state, finance, and diplomacy in as simple terms as she could, allowing him to understand and give his opinion based on what he understood. Most famously, was when she explained a recent string of banditry as ‘mean men’ going around ‘stealing people’s sweets and kicking their dogs,’ Ivan grew outraged, and even when Praskovia clearly explained that it would cost a lot of money to find them and stop them, and that some people thought that money should go elsewhere, Ivan was insistent. ‘If my crown means I am supposed to help my people, and I have money to help them, why would I spend my money on something that doesn’t help them?’ His comment, while simply said, made the court still. A fine example of wisdom from the mouth of babes.
But people still tried to convince him to do things their way. Peter’s wife, for instance, along with some other members of the court, secretly went to his room every so often to plant ideas in his head. When Praskovia overheard them and caught them, they were all arrested, tried for sedition and treason, and executed, sans Peter’s wife, who was instead locked away for the rest of her days.[9]
Now when it comes to policies, a good number of Peter’s stayed on the books, but several things changed. Ivan was terrible at French, for one thing, so the language was ejected from the court, and native Russian became standard. Except, of course, that Russian had plenty of dialects, so under Ivan there came attempts to standardize the language, a policy that would be copied by later rulers. Such attempts would also begin to account for Russia’s surprising literacy rate in the future. And at first plenty of officials were left in power, Praskovia not wanting to cause too many, er, waves, haha! But that started to change after the subsequent Bashkir and Cossack rebellions. Peter’s appointments, not getting any orders not to, kept on their same policies of control and modernization. People were unhappy about it, and the Bashkir revolted due to abuses that they felt violated their ancestral agreements with Ivan the Formidable, and the Cossacks rose when Russian officials infringed on their autonomy and tried to seize salt deposits they relied on to preserve their food.[10] Imagine… a life without jerky. Oh. But jerky does get rather disgusting when it gets rewetted by your spit when you chew for too long, and its gets that gritty, pastey texture… Bucket!
Hrrk! Hrrk! Hrr-hlah! Uh… Oh my… No no… Just a moment. Mm, water, yes, thank you. Ah. Alright, yes. Apologies. No I can continue. Let me just… Ah… Fresh, clean water…
So the rebellions! Yes, well, they were put down, rather viciously, but Ivan was told about why the people had risen up. And again came a rather wise statement. ‘Tsars before me promised those people things, and thats why they agreed to serve. If we don’t give them what we promised them, why would they keep serving?’ And so, with that, all of those officials were arrested and executed! And new officials, loyal to the crown and crown alone, were put in place. And all across the tsardom, contracts with various peoples were renewed as to ensure that there would be no violations for years to come. And on top of that, Ivan wanted to hear from those people himself, and so representatives from several autonomous groups, like the various Cossacks, Turkic peoples, several regions of Russia, and even some Siberian natives towards the end of his reign, were called to be part of a delegation that was to come once a year and tell the Tsar how they were feeling about his rule. He even invited a Jewish delegate to come, though there was only one for all the Jews in Russia, and was typically only an elder from a local region. The precedent was set though, and it was powerful. [11]
And so the story came that the evil Peter, ignoring the people to build his own new, twisted Russia over the old, had been struck down by God for defying the ways of the land. Ivan’s new energy and rule was a blessing from the Lord, giving Russia a ruler untainted by ambition. Ivan V became Ivan the Kind, and the people loved him as much as the aristocracy hated him. Five separate plots to kill him arose, each stopped, and three ending with a violent mob gathering and quite literally tearing members of the conspiracies limb from limb. And when Ivan’s daughter created the Rights of Serfs, limited and unhelpful as that document was, the precedent was set; the tsar was the champion of the people, protecting them from the nobility. But the nobility had a place as well. Westernization didn’t end entirely. The military was kept up to date, and Moscow was heavily expanded, new districts being raised in the exterior, modeled after German cities, and new roads were built to link the tsardom together.[12]
Then in 1712, Ivan fell asleep in his throne with his delegation nearby. It wasn’t the first time he had nodded off, and his wife tried to rouse him, only for nothing to happen. She shook him and shook him, and then checked his breathing... Ivan the Kind had died, rather peacefully, his wife and eldest daughter at his side, and his delegation before him, most of whom he had come to genuinely befriend. He never once left the country, and at his funeral, only a handful of foreigners appeared. But leaders from every end of the tsardom, from the hetman of the Ukraine, to urban rabbis, to tribal leaders from recently conquered Siberia, all came to pay their respects. And really, some people think Ivan’s reign was a bad thing, that westernizing under Peter far more rapidly would have been better, but a ruler that could bring such a diverse empire truly together? Not with guns or soldiers, but with a simpleton’s kindness? Sure, he didn’t go conquering, crime grew a bit rampant, the budget became atrocious, and the empire decentralized, but most of that would go away under Catherine the Great anyways.[13] And I think that is the exact kind of monarch Russia needed then and there. Just as I needed the extra hour of sleep rather than hearing my supervisor drone on about a need for ‘team spirit’. ”
- Prof. Lucas Obendorf, History at the Pub, Edition 3, Instance 4[14]
“Leopold was dead. Joseph was missing. Charles was dead. It seemed in an instant that the rule of the House of Habsburg was at an end. The elections had to be called, but chaos was still growing in the Empire. Yet another peasant rebellion was suppressed before the armies were finally dismissed, and the Elector of the Palatinate was under arrest for disobeying orders. His vote discounted, the gathering of the remaining Elector-Princes would be filled with tension, ambition, and fear.
Simultaneously, Austria and Bohemia were in the midst of crisis about who was the inherit their lands. Tracing the lines of Leopold’s family resulted in numerous claimants who had an equal legitimacy of claim. Most wished to grant the throne to to the son of Charles, now remembered as Carlos, named Leopold Joseph, currently still an infant. Some however, believed a proper alteration of succession was needed to ensure the security of the realm. While it was worried that a war of succession might erupt, for three years the realm simply remain deadlocked, Leopold Joseph the de jure ruler, and his mother the de facto regent. Hungary, Croatia, Bohemia, and Serbia followed the same, as none wished to sunder the Habsburg realms for fear of the Turks. Meanwhile, the Kur gathered after a two year delay. The results were contentious, but ultimately expected. Leopold Joseph, young and under the control of multiple relatives, was dismissed as a proper candidate. As was echoed by the Elector of Saxony, himself making a bid, the title of Emperor was chosen, not inherited.[15]
But the Saxon could not garner the support he needed. Instead, the seeming hero of the Empire, who crushed the traitorous Dutch, neutralized and sundered the Commonwealth, defended against the French hoard, and close compatriot of Leopold, was eventually the victor. For the first time since 1440, a Habsburg would not be crowned King of the Romans. Instead, Friedrich von Hohenzollern, King in Prussia, would become Emperor Friedrich IV. His reign would be spent healing the wounds of war with the French, firmly believing that he would not see their downfall, but that he could ensure that said would come, and that the Empire would see it done. As he stated, “the rooster can prune its feathers and puff out its chest, but soon enough, it will end up well cooked on the eagle’s platter...”
...To speak French to earn the ire of most people around you. The peasantry loathed the French because they were told to, but just beyond the Rhine, they loathed them especially because of how twice in a generation, French forces had come and pillaged their lands for resources. The nobility loathed the French because the had lost to the French, and while some desired to mimic what was seemingly a successful ruling style, a French speaking-court meant the ire of every commander in the Empire. The irony then, is that Germany first came together not in a sense of brotherhood and cooperation, or any sense of common bond at all, but rather a collective hatred for the French.[16] And this meant a great deal of power in Fridrich’s hands.
The Elector of the Palatinate, lands already diminished by French conquest, had refused to obey his now Emperor’s orders, and had instead wasted manpower trying to break past the French line. He even voted against Friedrich’s bid for power. With a swift declaration and persuasion of the Diet to prevent any disent, the man was stripped of his status as an elector-prince, left only a count under the Emperor’s purview. His replacement would be a man who served as a loyal commander that fought his way out of France to deliver the body of Emperor Leopold; Duke Eberhard Louis I of Württemberg.[17] Elevated to Elector, the support of Württemberg, the bishop-electors, and agreement with Augustus of Saxony meant that Friedrich had ensured his own power, the King of Bohemia being the only issue, but then the position was held by a mere child. Or at least it was for the first five years of his reign…
...In those five years prior, however, Friedrich accomplished much. The Imperial Solidification was an attempt to further centralize the Empire, with mixed results. Calling the Diet together, he had an agreement created that stated that, excluding the lands of prince-bishops, free practice of Christian religion be declared, beyond merely Calvinism, Lutheranism, and Catholicism. While rather radical, his reasoning held that should enemies abroad attempt to create a division within the Empire, it could lead to ruin. This was in reference to the fact that Pope Clement XI was beginning to make amends with the French. Should a pope ever align with France, a conflict of interest could arise.[18] Prince-bishops were in turn granted power of persecution…
...In addition to his religious reforms, the more important components were his administrative changes. The Circles of the Empire were arranged to create more firm divisions that were as whole as possible. Each circle was then able to send three representatives to the Diet, being below the Imperial Estates, who, alongside the Electors, formed the upper house of the Diet. Finally were the Imperial Cities; rather than grant them their own unique representatives, they were grouped into the Municipal Circle, which sent its own representatives, and maintained a presence amongst the Estates. In conjunction with this reorganization, Friedrich issued the Borders Edict, which set about a costly project of marking with signs on roads, fences in open fields (or at least partial fences), and toll posts, a clear indication of where one territory ended and another began. The territorial makeup of the Empire was essentially made more fixed, and Friedrichs successors would make greater pushes for internal negotiations so as to make border more continuous…[19]
...As the sharp-witted Madame de Fer[20] remarked, under Friedrich, ‘the Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation at last became a holy empire of Germans, but is admittedly still lacking in Romans.’ This, of course, is due to the signing of the Declaration of Regensburg, which confirmed membership in the Empire to be an ‘eternal covenant secured by God’ with the ‘Christian nature’ of the nation above all doubt. In an effort to further that view was the 1719 Expulsion of the Jewry.[21] A sudden act, it called for the conversion of Jews to any Christian faith, or for them to leave the territory of the Empire. Often before any decision could be made, wealth and lands were seized by local lords, and in several territories the killing of a Jew that refused conversion was declared legal. Most would escape such awful fate, with neighbors aiding their flight, many making for Russia, where word had trickled in of Jews having a say in court. While an overblown estimation, Tsaritsa Yekaterina II was welcoming, continuing her father Ivan’s policies of ethnic pluralism, albeit with far more control and strict guidelines than before. Some even fled south to the land of the Ottomans, a few former Court Jews even established themselves as powerful bankers within the Islamic state.[22]
The economic effects of this purge were initially positive, with the coffers of local rulers fattened up by takings. However, over time, the loss of many Jewish artisans and businesses caused a slump in a number of local economies, and the loss of the Imperial Court Jews brought a sizeable period of instability to the loans and budget of the Empire. While this faded, during this time the Solidification of the Empire halted, and events to follow would prevent the concept from gaining the same amount of momentum for several years...
...A sizeable number of Jews became what is known today Maaminimic Christians.[23] When pressed by officials and townspeople, they would make loud, public declarations of faith in Christ, and recognition of his divinity and role as the Messiah. Once the antijudaic sentiments had relaxed, however, these populations went back to practicing Jewish holidays and following Jewish practices. Whenever questioned, they maintained that their culture and blood meant that they had to follow such traditions regardless of their faith, a notable tale having a Jew claim that even if the Turks came and converted him to Islam, he would still have to fast on the 10th of Tishrei. In a rather bitter analysis of Maaminimic faith, Russian rabbis of the mid-19th Century wrote that these Jews likely did what they felt they had to in order to survive, but that, given time, ‘their children came to believe the lies their parents told their neighbors...’
- The Empire in the Post-Habsburg Era by Pascal Schmidt
“It was straight out of a book. Some man under the name Giuseppe da Eraclea makes his way into Vienna. He has his mousy, countryside wife Gioconda Adalgisa on his arm, but he walks with the confidence, bravado, and grace of a proper noble lord. Whispers all about the crowd, and suddenly, even without a wig and in rough Neapolitan clothes, someone recognizes his strong jaw. ‘Josef,’ they whisper, ‘It’s Josef!’ And suddenly the whole room is more than whisper, it’s buzzing with conversation. Guards step forward and usher the couple forward, where the Archduke of Austria and the Queen-mother Regent are waiting.
And once he’s there, even with his wife practically shaking at his side, Josef von Hapsburg boldly steps forward. He doesn’t waste time, and announces himself. ‘I am who you believe me to be,’ he says, ‘and I, as the son of Leopold, am here to claim my birthright.’ Of course, the Queen-mother doesn’t believe him, calls him an imposter, pretender, and threat to the realm. But she had been making plenty of enemies in her time as regent, and at the court on that day happened to be a number of those enemies. Quite suddenly, she was seized, and the young Archduke was lifted off the throne by a servant. Josef sat down in that throne, and gazed out at his new court.[24]
Now, it took a bit, but eventually the story got ought and people came to believe it. In the middle of the Battle of Heraclea, Josef had taken a blow to the head, getting knocked clean off his horse, and, disoriented, crawled away from the battle. He passed out after getting quite some distance away, not really knowing what he was doing. A day passes, no one can find him, and brambles had torn away most of his finer clothes. A hunter found him another day later, and he would have died if that hunter hadn’t taken him back to his village to be treated. Surviving, he was without memory, and lived for several years in the village of his saviours. He married the hunter’s daughter, and, being literate, helped the coastal town’s finances, before agreeing to help manage a trade post nearby to earn good money for himself and his wife. Then comes the good part. He’s walking along the shore, when he goes to kick what seems like a small stone. It’s actually a big rock covered in sand, and he trips, goes falling to his face, and smacks his head on another rock. And suddenly his mind is flooded with the memories of his old life.
First he sends letters to people, who go to court the day he advises, curious to see what’s going on. And that's how a couple of the Queen-mother’s enemies happened to be there. Once people are believing that he’s actually the real deal, he gets himself properly coronated with all the titles his nephew had been granted. Now, Emperor Friedrich feels a little threatened, and it is no secret that Josef wants the Imperial Crown. Three attempts on Friedrich’s life fail, and while no one can link them to Josef, everyone in Friedrich’s camp thinks it was the Hapsburgs behind it, and everyone in Josef’s camp thinks the Emperor and his lackey’s are trying to frame Josef with easily evaded plots. The conspiracy goes round and round, Joseph is hopeful. He was twenty years younger than Friedrich, and the Prussian had led a stressful life. So it was supposed to be a waiting game. He had a son, Leopold Karl, not long after he regained his throne, and while many were unhappy with his wife being an Italian countryside commoner, he basically told them to deal with it. And for the next two decades were spent plotting his glorious ascension, but it would never come…”
“Er...Mr. Umbra?”
“Yes?”
“What does this have to do with today’s lesson?”[25]
- Advanced Literature, Sternly Secondary, as taught by Dr. Alan Umbra, PhD
“K. LOUIS: But… there was so much more left to do.
CHRIST: My son, that is the bane of all men. With eternity you might do many things. But it is mortality that drives you to see them done quickly.
K. LOUIS: But there were such great things. And I wasn’t ready!
CHRIST: No one is ready. Not even I upon the cross. Think of what might have happened had I never been lashed upon it. The wonders for mankind I might have performed, the lost I could have saved. But things of flesh must perish eventually. Leaving something beyond flesh behind, that is the key.
K. LOUIS: ...Have I done so, oh Lord? I wish to believe I have, but I am but a man. You are beyond. Tell me, did I leave something behind? Something greater?
CHRIST: You did, good king, you did. Your memory will be one of the greatest. Like Augustus Caesar and Charlemagne before you, you will be a model upon which the kings of France, nay, the kings of Europe will attempt to emulate.
K. LOUIS: And the boy? Is he ready? I tried to ensure that he was, but I know that he was struck by his father’s death perhaps even more than I.
CHRIST: His heart is still heavy, but look for yourself.
[Lights on Stage Left, DAUPHIN and COURT in position. DAUPHIN kneels before PRIEST, who hold the crown, and lowers it upon DAUPHIN’s head.]
PRIEST: The sun has set, and the King is dead. All hail the King, and the new light he shines!
[DAUPHIN rises, and turns to the COURT and, subsequently, KING LOUIS and CHRIST]
DAUPHIN: We stand, King of France, and we tell you now that the legacy of our predecessor will not end. This is promised: in our reign, France will remain the true power in this world, the center of civilization, and its light will shine upon all the faces of man. We are your Sun King, and a Pawn of the Lord which to do the His bidding. Let none stand against us, for if they do, they shall face the might of a blessed kingdom, and a blessed people.
Vive la France! Vive les Français!
[The COURT applauds before becoming still]
K. LOUIS: How could I have doubted him… I suppose that thought will be in the minds of all who stand in that room.
CHRIST: You have done more and done better than nearly all men, my son. Now come, your own son awaits you, along with all your kin, and all the friends you have lost to time.
[KING LOUIS smiles, and takes one last long look at the Coronation, which seems frozen in time, as CHRIST begins to exit Stage Right]
K. LOUIS:
Vive la France…
[Exits Stage Left]
[Curtain]”[26]
- The First Sun King, by J. T. Lecourt
“The Caribbean was now home to three factions. The Spanish, who attempted to maintain profit and status quo; the English, who desired growing colonies and trade; and the Pirates, who wanted plunder and freedom. Before, piracy had been an epidemic that the empires had suffered through, content knowing that their enemies also suffered, fleets focused on protection and warfare. But now, the English were in such dominance that they could not allow piracy to continue undeterred.
Pirate hunting became the primary goal of the Royal Navy, protection of trade vessels and ports handed over to the great expanded Colonial Marine, based primarily in Virginia and Carolina. But aside from capturing smaller, rogue brigands, and saving attacked convoys, the pirate fleets remained strong and evasive. It seemed as though they were a force that could never be defeated. Even the Bahamas, so close to the mainland, was impenetrable, the heart of the Pirate Republic.
But along came a man who changed everything.
His real name is not known, anonymity being key for his work. His own journals reveal little about his life, and all of his exploits are themselves mystery, most of his adventures constructed from rumor, legend, hearsay, and secondhand accounts. We know him as Edward Thatch…
...Most historians can only guess at his early life, but he is believed to be from Bristol, having enlisted to serve in the navy prior to the War of the Spanish Succession, in which he served with great valor under the assumed name of Thatch, given that, by his own accounts, his family did not desire him to join the navy. Thatch nearly became a privateer, but ultimately remained a proper sailor. He commanded his own vessel, and captured numerous prizes, before the war came to an end. In the aftermath, he used his new wealth to settle in the Caribbean. From there things get even murkier.
We know he was married. We know he had a child. And we know that the disappear from reference around the time a pirate raid struck his estate. Thus scholars assume their death motivated him. Thatch at first went rogue. He infiltrated the pirate ship that had attacked him, and spent months earning trust and garnering promotions, before he struck. He led a mutiny and killed the captain, before sailing the vessel to dock in Kingston. Selecting a handful of the crew he had come to like and trust, he betrayed the rest to the authorities, and all were hanged. The governor of Jamaica asked to see the man responsible, and while the contents of their conversation remain a mystery, we know that Thatch was reinstated as a member of the Royal Navy soon after, now with a mission; the infiltration and sabotage of the pirate fleets, and the downfall of the Pirate Republic…[27]
...Thatch was left to his own devices, and received no real form of funding. Admiral Shovell was skeptical about the idea, and so the only support given were encoded papers that could grant Thatch a way out of trouble if he were to be captured while amongst the enemy. Thus, what came to be was entirely from Thatch’s mind, and so credit for the success of the operation is his…
...These first associates were pirates from necessity, poor young men who were in the crew of Thatch’s first attack because they were starving and without guidance. Thatch provided that to them, but did not let them know the true extent of who he was or what they were doing until they had faced tests of loyalty. Over time, more operatives were gathered. Some were privateers, others disgraced sailors. Beggars, crooked merchants, cooks, deckswabbers, Thatch recruited both the skilled and the ignored. Their names were secret, and we know of only a handful because of an early list of Thatch’s, which used only first names, last initials, and, for some, places of origin. A sample can be found here:
- Edward K. of Wales
- Thomas L. of Sussex
- Benjamin H. of Norfolk
- Louis V. of Normandy
- Mary R. of Sussex
- James O. of Devon
- Anne B. of Cork
A notable thing about the list is the seeming presence of men and women, as Thatch focused only on use to the mission and little else.[28] Over time, however, and perhaps because an instance in which a name was slipped, Thatch began a practice of aliases. Soon, names disappeared, replaced instead by titles and number. Informers were those who only reported information, with little knowledge of who they were reporting to. Minders kept a lookout on those who were in Thatch’s employ, being his most trusted, and tasked with catching traitors before they could act. Fixers were merchants and craftsmen who would provide material aid, most notably by fixing weaponry and vessels, as the operation had to scrounge what it could on its own, and the trusted men who would keep their gear in repair soon earned the name. Watchers were who Informers typically reported to, and acted as aides to Thatch, planning out raids, attacks, assassinations, and other logistics using the information they gathered. While plans had to be approved by Thatch, he wanted his people to be able to work without him if needed, and the Watchers were thus meant to act as his ‘eyes’ on every situation that might come up. Most famously, however, were the Ciphers, named for their use of unique ciphers for decoding messages meant for them. These men and women were those who put plans into motion. They held the knives driven into hearts, they cut the ropes and rigged the cannons to blow, they removed traitors and hid evidence. And all of these people, Informers, Minders, Fixers, Watchers, Ciphers, all reported to Thatch, who they referred to, and who eventually referred to himself, as Keeper, at first a mocking title because of his seemingly parental and nagging nature towards them. [29]
This system is why we often know what happened, but not who was involved. Reports became not of ‘Edward K. acting on information from Anne B.’, but ‘Cipher 9 acting on information from Watcher 1, utilizing a knife acquired by Fixer 3 to kill the traitorous Informer 7, as reported by Minder 2, approved by Keeper.’ But while they remain anonymous, these people were true heroes of England. Entire pirate fleets were taken down, and eventually the seas became safer and safer. Piracy could not be entirely destroyed, but soon enough it was a dangerous game, one that required the vetting of all crew members, and the Pirate Republic, despite its origins, was forced to become more regimented and orderly, trying to prevent infiltration and treason to the cause…
...The Republic at last was effectively defeated with the Sacking of Nassau. The city had become the center of the Republic, and the use of ever changing traps kept it safe. Sandbars, debris, hidden cannons, and even fireships were all used to keep approach impossible without a chart given only to trusted captains, and the layout was altered at random as to keep anyone who stole a chart from actually getting in. But Thatch had been busy. For years, he had built himself as the biggest enemy of his own mission. As the dreaded pirate Blackbeard, the use of theatrics and Biblical rhetoric had made him a powerful legend on the seas, one of the few pirates always a step ahead of what was referred to by pirates as ‘the Intelligence’. At last welcomed into the Republic, Blackbeard received charts to enter Nassau on a certain date. He entered alone, and proved himself trustworthy. He was then sent a second chart once a sandbar prevented his entry, and from then on worked for the Republic while still acting as Keeper of the Intelligence. But finally, once sent a chart, he arrived with a full English fleet. His own men had come to man the hidden cannons, and they were now used to fire on Nassau itself. Swarms of red and black coated soldiers came pouring off the ships, and Nassau was quickly overwhelmed.
But the city could not be held, and messages were sent by ship, by bird, and by smoke that would mean the arrival of every Republic pirate in the area. The English fled quickly, but the Republic was crippled. In an act that raised the eyebrows of many, the Pirate Republic agreed to parley with England…
...The Treaty of the Seas was an odd affair. Aboard a Danish ship, notorious pirates and English officers argued and bickered. Ultimately, Thatch’s actions had transformed a hedonistic center of anarchy into a proper government, that had even written its own Constitution, a document enshrining the freedoms of all who visited Nassau, as well as the rules followed by all pirates who were a part of the Republic. Notably, attacking non-Republic vessels was not right, but not prohibited, as all captains and their crews were ‘private citizens’ and their actions were their own. An Admiralty Board ruled with a rather iron fist, and every major ship or fleet of smaller ships sent a representative to Nassau to make sure the Admiralty didn’t disregard their opinions. This government of the Republic refused to sign away their freedom and simply capitulate, especially not since the Sacking had revealed most of Thatch’s agents, and certainly couldn’t be pulled off again. And so hours of debate stretched on.
The Spanish would arrive to find they were being handed an agreement to sign, despite their own wishes, but it was decidedly for the greater good. They would lose territory, and they would have to let criminal slip through their fingers, but as it was they didn’t even control that territory and the criminals were already far from their grasp. With a flourish of ink, the treaty was accepted. The Pirate Republic, known now as the Caribbean Republic, would be granted the Bahamas, which they already controlled, and its citizens would be officially pardoned. In return, all coordinated acts of piracy by the government were to be halted, and any criminals, if identified, would be extradited to the nation that pursued them. The final caveat of the Treaty, however, provided that the Republic would act as a source of privateers for any nation, and directly signed agreements with the English, Spanish, and Danish as to grant Republic a monopoly for privateering…[30]
...In effect, the Treaty of the Seas turned Caribbean piracy to a legitimate business venture. Privateers were hired to harass merchants and attack towns, sometimes fighting other privateers hired to protect those merchants and towns, but regardless of how or why, prizes were taken, money was made, and the Bahamas were a safehaven were rum, prostitutes, gambling, and every other vice could be found in plenty. It was the only place with even fewer laws than the colony of Denisia, but Denisia was safer than the Republic, and, more importantly, no toll was demanded from non-citizens to enter. In the end, the Republic served its own people first and foremost, so only crews of its vessels could come and go freely, aside from merchants, who still had to pay exuberant prices to come on land and enjoy what the islands had to offer. Travelers from afar still came, as no law prevented anything other than murder and theft, and unlike Denisia, their ventures remained utterly hidden and anonymous. As the saying goes ‘New Modena is where you go to have fun, Nassau is where you go to sin...’
...The Intelligence had proven itself a resounding, if unorthodox, success. When the King heard the story of its operations, he was astounded, and Thatch was knighted, though his real identity still remained a secret, if only for the safety of his family. The Intelligence was reconstituted into the King’s Own Intelligence Service (alternatively the Queen’s Own Intelligence Service). And thus the Kingsmen (or Queensmen) as they are colloquially referred to, came to become one of the most important tools of the English government, and first official spy agency in all of Europe.”[31]
- Man of Mystery: the Life of Edward Thatch by Collin Bridges
“New England expanded to new heights in the aftermath of the War of the Spanish Succession. To the East and to the West we pushed our borders. The filthy Catholic Acadians certainly didn’t like the former too much, no no. They first refused to pay fair tax to the Crown of England, and refused to obey the laws of the National Commission. This insurgency could not be tolerated, it was the brave Rangers who rode proudly to ensure law and order to the land.
The callous murder of the first Ranger to arrive prompted the others not to make the same mistake. They offered no kindness to the papists, and instead struck before they themselves could be struck. The Acadian settlements were struck with gunfire and arrows, and as the rebellious Frenchmen fled, the Rangers rode in and fortified each town. The Acadians, by this method, were slowly, but surely, driven off, fleeing across the border into Laurentia and out of our Promised Land. And in this first story, I believing we may find lessons for the trials this nation faces today…
...But that is something we can discuss later. For now I want to move on to the second story of history, rooted in the other half of our expansion in 1715. In the West, we now laid claim to the lands of the Finger Lakes. The region, however, was in the control of the Hohdeno, a confederation of Novan tribes. Already we had faced war with the Kanyenka, a member of the Confederacy. Now some believe that our aggression towards the other tribes was unjustified. But I ask you this. If you walk past a group of gentleman, and one steps forward and starts beating the daylights out of you, and the others just stand there, watching and laughing, are really gonna consider only the one your enemy?
The fact is, the Confederation allowed that war to occur, did not prevent their own member state from attacking us. They were a hostile power, and frontier raids already showed that they had grown all the more hostile now that they knew New England laid claim to what they felt was their territory. Now we must respect them for taking up arms and defending what they felt was theirs. But in the end, it was ours, and we brought to that land and to the people inhabiting it the gift of civilization. The first war with the Hohdeno saw the capitulation of the Kanyenka, and it would not be until the end of that century that we would have the means to truly move in and civilize the rest of them, but it was something we planned for in those years.
Careful planning, gathering of resources, until we had the ability to finish the job. I think we can all agree how that lesson can be applied today. We need only look at what’s happening very near us…”[32]
- Commissioner John Everest, re-election rally in Mohawk City
—|—
[1] “Men have been taught that the ego is the synonym of evil, and selflessness the ideal of virtue. But the creator is the egoist in the absolute sense.”
[2] The Lithuanian Siege of Warsaw. I felt it had a nice ring to it.
[3] Given the scope of the war, and the need for some nations to settle their armies and how often the negotiations were constantly refuted and reconvened, a year of treaty debate isn’t too unrealistic.
[4] Augustus use to quite literally bend horseshoes for fun. And he also made Dresden a major city in OTL as well. I saw no reason why he wouldn’t in TTL, if not doing it even more, given the delay in his gaining of another title.
[5] Bulgarian Bomber: 1 part apple juice, 1 part white grape juice, 1 part rakia. 2 parts rakia if you’re having a Bomber ‘Soldier Style’
[6] This is all OTL
[7] Russians forgive me
[8] There is precedent for this happening to rulers who were mentally disabled, Charles II being a fine example.
[9] She’d be too prominent, powerful, and respected to just be executed
[10] This is also the cause of the OTL uprisings
[11] These people have no power, and with how long travel from Siberia can take, much would change before the Tsar could hear about concerns. But hey, it’s the thought that counts.
[12] So one of the greatest tsars in all of Russian history is going to be the mentally disabled, paraplegic, half-blind, sickly half-brother of Peter the Great, who is now the guy who, a lot like in OTL, is despised by peasants for his heavy-handed westernization attempts. Yay?
[13] Not to worry, his well liked daughter will still bring Russia into the modern age.
[14] Drunk History is a universal constant.
[15] You can bet Augy the Strong is gonna try and take his chance
[16] That saying could very well apply to a lot of OTL history now that I think about it.
[17] The Duke of Bavaria, a rival of Friedrich, is thus passed up.
[18] Altering the Peace of Augsburg is a big deal, but not without precedent, and a perfect time to do it given that even Catholic lords are afraid of and loathe the French.
[19] You bet your ass I’m going to try and make more sensible borders for the HRE
[20] This is TTL’s Voltaire, and is actually Emilie du Chatelet. Free Qun-approved Human pastries to whoever gets her name reference.
[21] It couldn’t be all sunshine and rainbows, folks. And like the pogroms of Russia, it helps the newly ascended Emperor create a common enemy to unite his nation under his leadership.
[22] This has happened more than few times in OTL history as well.
[23] Messianic Jews
[24] Crazier things have happened in real history. War of Three Henries for one, with its splinter-based deaths, Red Wedding events, and Assassin’s Creed-style hooded monk assassinations.
[25] Some become professors, others become AP teachers.
[26] A totally unbiased play portraying events utterly objectively as written by a completely unopinionated author in the employ of a wholly non-partisan patron.
[27] Yep Blackbeard is the world’s most notorious and famed pirate-hunter of TTL
[28] He’s also the innovator of modern spycraft! Another easter egg here.
[29] Free blue milk to go along with those Qun-approved human pastries to anyone who knows what this is a reference to without looking it up.
[30] Now I know what you’re thinking: that’s ridiculous! And it is a bit. But this has been the American Age of Piracy, ongoing for decades now as a time when pirates utterly and truly dominated the waves.
[31] I couldn’t miss that opportunity, could I?
[32] Yet another totally unbiased, objective source exposing pure, unadulterated facts of history.
